Not sure why I fine this funny.

Hugh Hefner is the world’s greatest Lothario and has the life that a lot of men would love. Earlier this year the 86-year-old admitted that he has slept with over 1,000 women. Last December he married for the third time, to Crystal Harris.

To make us feel even more jealous, we’ve compiled a short list of some of Hugh’s hottest girlfriends over the years. You can rank them for yourself. That’s rank, with an ‘r’.

1. Barbi Benton
Current age: 63
Dated Hugh: 1969-1976

2. Brande Roderick
Current age: 34
Dated Hugh: 2000-2001

3. Carrie Leigh
Current age: 49
Dated Hugh: 1983-1988

4. Crystal Harris
Current age: 27
Dated Hugh: Began dating Hugh in 2009. Married Hugh in December 2012

5. Donna Michelle
Current age: 50
Dated Hugh: 1963-1964

6. Izabella St James
Current age: 37
Dated Hugh: 2002 – 2004

7. Kimberley Conrad
Current age:50
Dated Hugh: Married Hugh in 1989. Separated in 1999. Divorced 2010.

8. Lillian Müller
Current age: 61
Dated Hugh: 1974-1976

9. Marilyn Cole
Current age: 63
Dated Hugh: 1971-1974

10. The Shannon Twins (Kristina and Karissa)
Current age: 23
Dated Hugh: 2009-2010 (dated them both at the same time. How cool is this guy!)

Main Image: sarahinvegas

[dropcap]1. Sacofricosis[/dropcap]

Making a hole in one’s pocket to facilitate a thorough fondling. Seems harmless enough compared to many of the others on this list, but think about how creepy and stealthy it is. Efficiently disgusting.

[dropcap]2. Symorophilia[/dropcap]

When one gets arousal from witnessing or staging disasters. We’re basically talking about the David Cronenberg movie, ‘Crash’ in which people crash their cars for their kicks. Now that is salt in your wound. Ugh.

[dropcap]3. Dendrophilia[/dropcap]

Go fuck a tree you hippy! That explains that.

[dropcap]4. Eproctophilia[/dropcap]

This is when you get turned on by flatulence. You’de like that wouldn’t you baby, when I’ve farted in your silly face?

[dropcap]5. Klismaphilia[/dropcap]

One who becomes aroused when liquids are introduced to their rectal area. So homemade colonic irrigation sets all round.

[dropcap]6. Necrophilia[/dropcap]

One who would feel right at home going pulling in the morgue, looking for a bit of dead.

[dropcap]7. Emetophilia[/dropcap]

One who gets turned on by vomiting. I could really do with meeting a girl like this, would surely make the sunday sex more successful.

[dropcap]8. Oculolinctus[/dropcap]

Please write in to us if you have ever met anyone who gets turned on by this. Ready? The licking of eyeballs. Pffft. Fuck off.

[dropcap]9. Hierophilia[/dropcap]

For this you must think of that horrid scene in The Exorcist, remember when she starts doing her business with the crucifix, Gettin’ it right up there wasn’t she? Yeah. People who get turned on by religious or sacred objects.

[dropcap]10. Zoosadism[/dropcap]

Because beastiality is just so fucking passé. One who gets sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on animals. Not going to be popular with ladies I imagine, “wait, I’m about to finish, would you mind just shoving this pin into my terrier’s scrote? Good luck with that one homeboy.

[dropcap]11. Formicophilia[/dropcap]

This is when a person gets pleasure from being walked over and invaded by ant and insects. And you thought crumbs in the bed were bad fucking idea.

[dropcap]12. Mucophilia[/dropcap]

Any guesses? Yep. One who gets turned on when others drink their mucus and the like. You can make your own jokes, that’s foul.

[dropcap]13. Avisodomy[/dropcap]

One who likes to poke birds. The feathered kind. Now THAT is fowl.

[dropcap]14. Ederacinism[/dropcap]

This would be someone who gets turned on by the notion of tearing one’s penis or vagina out by the roots. I think we’ll leave it there.

If you enjoyed this list be sure to check out THIS, THIS and fucking plenty of THIS.

We can start off by just by saying that there is an absolute need for sex appeal in science-fiction, this has been proven at sci-fi conventions all over the world. Many women actually make a living from appearing at these conventions and I’m not even talking about the beauties on this list. No, there are legions of ladies who get paid to turn up in their cosplay outfits and thus, giving geeky-guys not just a good day out but an unforgettable day out and yes, sadly for a lot of the men out there, the kind of men who not only recognise every actress on this list, but who also know their character’s names… for them (not you obviously), it is important to have sex appeal in these shows and movies, because let’s face it, this is as close as they (you) are ever going to get to a woman.

Without further ado, we give you The 27 Sexiest Women of Science Fiction 

[dropcap]1. Eliza Dushku[/dropcap]

Dollhouse

[dropcap]2. Morena Baccarin[/dropcap]

Firefly

[dropcap]3. Daryl Hannah[/dropcap]

Blade Runner

[dropcap]4. Natasha Henstridge[/dropcap]

Species & Ghosts of Mars

[dropcap]5. Kristen Johnston[/dropcap]

3rd Rock from The Sun

[dropcap]6. Ashley Scott[/dropcap]

A.I.

[dropcap]7. Linda Hamilton[/dropcap]

The Teminator & T2: Judgement Day

[dropcap]8.  Monica Bellucci[/dropcap]

The Matrix Reloaded & The Matrix Revolutions

[dropcap]9. Linda Harrison  [/dropcap]

Planet of The Apes

[dropcap]10.  Charlize Theron[/dropcap]

Aeon Flux

[dropcap]11. Raquel Welch[/dropcap]

Fantastic Voyage

[dropcap]12.  Jane Fonda[/dropcap]

Barbarella

[dropcap]13. Summer Glau[/dropcap]

Firefly, Serenity & The Sarah Connor Chronicles

[dropcap]14. Carrie Fisher[/dropcap]

Star Wars

[dropcap]15. Tricia Helfer[/dropcap]

Battlestar Galactica

[dropcap]16. Kate Beckinsale[/dropcap]

Total Recall

[dropcap]17. Lena Headey[/dropcap]

Dredd & The Sarah Connor Chronicles

[dropcap]18. Sean Young[/dropcap]

Blade Runner

[dropcap]19. Jeri Ryan[/dropcap]

Star Trek: Voyager

[dropcap]20. Natalie Portman[/dropcap]

Star Wars

[dropcap]21. Katee Sackhoff[/dropcap]

Battlestar Galactica & Riddick

[dropcap]22. Denise Richards[/dropcap]

Starship Troopers

[dropcap]23. Milla Jovovich[/dropcap]

The Fifth Element

[dropcap]24. Zoe Saldana[/dropcap]

Avatar, Star Trek, Star Trek Into Darkness & Guardians of The Galaxy

[dropcap]25. Gillian Anderson[/dropcap]

The X-Files. 

[dropcap]26. Carrie-Ann Moss[/dropcap]

The Matrix Trilogy

[dropcap]27. Sigourney Weaver[/dropcap]

The Alien Quadrilogy & Galaxy Quest