I just saw the strangest thing.  My adoptive great grandfather’s death certificate.

Death cert.

What’s so strange about that?  He doesn’t share a name with either of his parents.  There is a totally different name at the top of that document.  That’s because he was raised by another family and took their name.

His real parents names are on his death certificate.

I haven’t been able to locate it yet, but I know his real parents names are on his birth certificate.

He was born in 1862.   The story that has come down through the family says that his mother died when he was a toddler and his father could not care for him.  He was taken in and raised by another family.  He took their name and so have all of his descendants.

Years ago a member of the family compiled a book about my adoptive family.  The usual thing with newspaper clippings, charts, amusing stories from the past, etc.  It pulled together all the resources that were so hard to find in the pre-internet age.  She traveled to West Virginia and England to find these things.  All of it was bound up in an impressive looking hardback book that every member of the family bought.

My aunt delivered these books on a holiday, I can’t remember which, but the whole family was gathered.  As we all sat there in my grandparents house looking through the book, commenting on how we were descended from English royalty, my grandfather said something.  Something very telling, “None of it matters, we’re not part of that family, my father was adopted, we’re all Allens. “

That put a damper on things. Grandpa was never worried about offending, and he was right.  That whole book was bullshit.  We were Allens.   Well, they were Allens, I didn’t have a clue what I was.

I don’t know any more than that about how my grandfather felt about adoption.  It seems that he was well aware of it.  I’m not sure if he made that comment to knock my uppity aunt down a notch, or he really felt like an Allen.  I don’t know how he felt about me either.  I’m not even sure if he ever as much as noticed me.

The fact that Grnadpa knew he was really an Allen means something though.  It wasn’t a big secret.  It was on the documents.  I assume his father talked about it.  There didn’t seem to be any shame involved.

My great grandfather was born in 1862. There was no lying, no secrets, no changing of records.  His adoption was just a fact.  My grandfather was born in 1901, he wasn’t embarrassed about his heritage.  So why was it when I was born in 1965, it was a big  secret?

I really don’t understand why everyone has to insist that my adoptive family is my real family.  Nobody ever did that to my great grandfather.  He was never asked to deny who he really was.

My great-grandfather had a choice.  He could have been an Allen if he wanted to.  No court made that decision for him.  No judge denied his right to know where he came from.

Maybe that’s why he decided to take their name.  They gave him a family without taking his identity.  They didn’t have to change him.  They didn’t have to claim him.  My great-grandfather was allowed to decide who he was.

Even when my grandfather decided to take a different name, he didn’t forget the other one.  Seems like a good compromise to me.  I wish I had been allowed that.

My great-grandfather died as he lived, with the name he decided to take, and the names of his real parents.  I will also die as I live.  My real parents names will not be on my death certificate.

No one will look up my name over 100 years from now and know that I was adopted.  I will live a lie even after my death.

Please tell me how that makes any kind of sense.

AIIMS | AIIMS Result – Click Here to View

Designation: BHEL Requires Diploma Holders in Engineering for Appointment on Contract Basis

Job Description:

BHEL Requires Diploma Holders in Engineering for Appointment on Contract Basis

BHEL is on the lookout for Engineering Supervisors to be engaged on Fixed Tenure Basis for a maximum period of two years for Electronics Division at Bangalore or anywhere in India at their Project Sites :
Diploma Engineers : 16 posts (UR- 06, ST-02, OBC-6, PH-2), Age : 28 years, Qualification : Diploma in Engineering in relevant discipline from an institute recognized by AICTE with 60% (50% for SC/S) marks, Experience : 01 year,  Remuneration : remuneration of Rs. 9800/- in the first year and Rs. 10500/- in the second year.

Selection by written test and inerview.

Application Fee : Crossed Account Payee Demand Draft for Rs.100/- in favour of : M/s. BHEL Electronics Division, payable at Bangalore (No fee for SC/ST/ PH candidates)

Desired Profile:

How to Apply: Applications in the prescribed format along with the self attested copies of the relevant certificates, superscribing on the envelope containing the filled-in application form “Application for Appointment as Supervisors on Fixed Tenure Basis – Position code____” so as to reach the following address on or before 11/12/2009 :

Sr. Executive (HR), Bharat Heavy Electricals Limited, Electronics Division, P.B. No. 2606, Mysore Road, Bangalore – 560026.

Location: Bangalore

Education: BE/B.Tech, Diploma , Any Graduate

Details & application Format

The country is celebrating Children’s Day on Saturday, six days ahead of Universal Children’s Day on November 20. Even after 50 years of celebrations, the ground reality for children remains the same. They are still devoid of basic education facilities in the state and the worst-affected ones are girls who are often neglected in all social groups.

A recent study conducted by a consortium of 20 non-government organizations in eight districts of Rajasthan on adolescent health shows that lingual discrimination remains a common phenomenon even at schools. Among the surveyed students, lingual discrimination was reported by 69% girls from Scheduled Tribes, 23.1% from Scheduled Castes, 50% girls from Other Backward Castes and 80% from general category. Read More>>

I made the mistake of discussing adoption with one of the uninitiated recently.  I always do that, you’d think that I would have learned by now.  Anyway, after I related some of my experiences she remarked that it sounds something more like  a true crime story than the fuzzy wuzzy experience of adoption.

No shit, Sherlock.

She seemed to think that instead of bringing up all of the things that are wrong with adoption, and how adoptees are perceived we should be looking for answers and comfort.

Again, no shit.

Answers and comfort would be wonderful.  Folks having a complete understanding of the whole adoption thing would be great, no argument here.  But I guess that it is all too shocking for the non-adopted to wrap their head around.

Guess what?  It’s pretty hard for us to wrap our heads around too.

Exactly how are we to be comforted when we talk about lack of medical history?  Patting us on the hand and assuring us we probably won’t die of some cancer that could have been easily found and treated if we had known to test for it, doesn’t really cut it.

Just exactly what are we supposed to be told when somebody assumes that we were so much better off because our adoptive folks could afford a pool in the backyard?   Can you imagine anyone casually debating what a non-adopted person’s childhood might have been like if they had been raised in lesser circumstances?

How do you make it OK to be abandoned?

Should the fact that we turned out to be attractive people make up for not growing up with anyone that looked like us?

Is there a greeting card for those that are denied basic human rights by the states we pay taxes too?

Yes, it’s shocking, a little unsettling, and smacks of true crime.  To hear adoptees speak can sound like way too much information, but that’s what we’ve got.

I do find it very interesting that this woman chose the phrase “true crime”.  As if we the adoptees, the innocent little babies, are the criminals.   Are we vandals for tipping the sacred cow of adoption?

Should we charged with a misdemeanor or a felony?  Does one generally serve time for tipping sacred cows?  Would sacred cow tipping be considered a property crime?  If more than one person is involved, does it become a conspiracy?

Some folks are getting it, The Donaldson Institute has a very interesting report out.  It’s focused on international adoptees, but makes very good points for all of us.

Designation: Recruitment of Probationary Clerks

Job Description:

The South Indian Bank Ltd. invites applications for filling up vacancies of Clerks for branches in Kerala and Tamilnadu

Name of post: Clerks

Qualification: Graduation from a recognized University having completed a regular 10+2+3 course securing at least 50% marks in Science Stream or 45 % marks in other streams. Candidates should be proficient in computer operations.

Pay Scale: Rs.4410-13210

Age Limit: Age as on 30.09.2009.- 26 yrs

Important Dates:

Opening date for making online registration – 28.10.2009

Closing date for making online registration – 21.11.2009

Last date for receiving the system generated print out with Demand Draft, photo and other documents – 28.11.2009

Tentative date of written test – 03.01.2010

Application Fees: Application fees should be paid by means of Demand Draft (Crossed Account Payee) favoring The South Indian Bank Ltd., payable at Trissur, Kerala State. Fee for general category is Rs.250 and that for SC/ST is Rs.50

Location: Across India

Education: Graduation

DETAILS HERE : http://southindianbank.com/UserFiles/RecruitmentOnline.pdf

APPLY ONLINE : http://southindianbank.com/Careers/careersdetails.aspx?careerid=37

Yep,that’s right. There’s new site themes. Regular,Test,and Outrageous.

That’s the new “test theme” on the games page.

That’s the Outrageous BC theme. On the BC page.

I think they’re pretty cool. Imagine what it’ll be like when there’s like,5 themes?

~kunfu11

This is for the Grown In My Heart Blog Carnival.  If you’d like to share just head right there and they’ll hook you up.

Me, I’d love to share.  But I don’t have much.  Being adopted and all.  Here’s a pic of my mom as a child…

That’s her standing in the middle.

Here’s a photo of me at about the same age…

That’s all I got.

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Something was brought up  about conversations with your inner child not long ago.  I hate that shit.  What in the world would I have to say to my inner child?  I can just imagine how that conversation would go.

Big Me:  Hey, how’s it going?

Inner Child:  Do you have any pixie sticks?  I like Pixie Sticks?

Big Me:  Fresh out of Pixie Sticks, sorry.

Inner Child:  I like Pixie Sticks, just not the grape ones.

Big Me:  I’ll keep that in mind. Are you getting along alright?

Inner Child:  I hate Kathy.  She has a doll house with lights that work, all I have is a piece of shit Fisher-Price doll house.  I want a Barbie House too.

Big Me: Do you ever think about anything serious?

Inner Child: This is serious.

Big Me:  How so?

Inner Child:  I have my needs to think about.

Big Me: It won’t make any difference in 20 years.

Inner Child: It makes a difference now.  I’ll think about serious stuff when I get older.  Right now I want a Pixie Stick and a decent doll house.  Alright?

Big Me:  Alright.

I believe that you never know when you are in the middle of something until it’s over.  When I was a child I didn’t have a reference point to know what was going on.  I can’t go back and change anything.  Then as now, all I’ve got is mt experience up until this moment.  For all I know I’m fucking up royally at this very moment.

The only difference between then and now is that now I feel I have some responsibility for my actions.  I have more experience.  Back then I was pretty much flying by the seat of my pants.  I can’t change that.  There are no do-overs in life.  If there were we would never get anywhere.

Can you imagine actually being able to go back to childhood knowing what you know now?  How would you deal with knowing that your best friend in the first grade was going to die of a drug overdose in her late twenties, that your uncle was going to get lung cancer, or your dog was going to get hit in the road?  Even if you could stop these things, could you actually pick a better path for yourself?  I not sure that I wouldn’t be more conflicted, and as a result really screw things up, if I had that kind of knowledge.  Imagine the pressure.

I wouldn’t want to go through life considering every move based on where I find myself now.  As I said before, you never really know how you’re doing at the moment anyway.  I could fuck things up way worse.

I’m going to go and have a Pixie Stick now.

Designation: INDIAN BANK RECRUITMENT OF PROBATIONARY OFFICERS & SPECIALIST OFFICERS

Job Description:

Indian Bank,a premier bank owned by the Government of India,based in Chennai,is recruiting for Probationary Officers & Specialist Officers in various scales.Applications are to be submitted only through the website of Indian Bank.

Position – Vacancies :

1) Probationary Officers – 118 posts
2) Specialist Officers – 284 posts (refer below for departments)

Candidates are requested to apply online between 16.10.2009 and 16.11.2009 only through our Bank’s website www.indianbank.in. No other means/ mode of application will be accepted.

Eligibility for Probationary Officers : Graduation in any discipline Second Class with 55% aggregate marks / equivalent CGPA)

Application:
Candidates have to pay Rs.400(Gen/OBC) or Rs.50(SC/ST/PH/Ex.SM) in any Indian Bank branch using challans downloaded from the website.The details of payment have to be given in the online registration form.

Desired Profile:

Dates: Online Registration Starts – 16th October 2009
Online Registration Closes – 16th November 2009
Date of Written-Test – 3rd January 2010(for Specialist Officers)
Date of Written-Test – 17th January 2010(for Probationary Officers)

Details Here

challan for payment of fees

Designation: Union Bank Clerical Recruitment Project 2009 A

Job Description:
Union Bank of India
Name of post: Clerk -Cum – Cashier the Clerical Cadre
Age (As on 30.09.2009) – Minimum age : 18 yrs & Maximum age : 28yrs
Total Vacancies : 1040
Application Fee :  Rs.300.00

Important Dates
Opening Date For On- Line Applications after payment of Fees  – 01-10-2009
Last date For On -Line application & On- Line submission  – 31-10-2009

Click Here For Details

To Download fees payment challan

Apply On-Line

[This is what is happening in India in the name of reservation - a must read story]
THE TRUE VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

BBC, CNN, AAJ TAK, NDTV show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper.

Opposition MP’s stage a walkout.

Left parties call for “Bharat Bandh” in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Inquiry. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the “Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]“, with effect from the beginning of the winter.

The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by BBC, CNN, AAJ TAK and NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it “a triumph of justice”.

Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Moral of the story: This is what’s happening to those who work hard to uplift their future but govt. is showing injustice to them in the name of justice………………………we demand equality.

It’s blog carnival time again, Join in right here….

http://blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=pickel&postid=07Oct2009&meme=3616

I know you have something to say about this.

I was a willing participant in a campaign of disinformation.

That’s complicated way of saying, I lied.

But did I, really?

I’ve told you my name.  It’s not the one I sign checks with, but it’s the one that was given me at birth.

Does that mean you don’t know me?

Certainly not, when I’m here, I’m Melanie.  I’m just somebody else most of the time.  We’re both real.  One of us just got lost for about 30 years.  You can’t blame me, they told me I was someone else.  I believed them.  I didn’t have any reason to doubt.  I didn’t even know that I had another name.

I wonder why they didn’t tell me?

Did they think it would hurt me?

Did they think that she was still in there and might come out at the mention of it?  That was good thinking.  Birth names are like magic words.  Knowing just that one little thing can change everything.

I knew I was someone before I was adopted.  I knew that I didn’t start to exist when the adoption papers were signed.

I was real.

Does changing the name of something make it any less what is was before?

Maybe.

It changed me.  I wasn’t what I was before.  I was something different.  It was far from inconsequential.  But it didn’t change who I had been.

She was real.

What am I now?

I don’t really know.