Images by Robert J

Studies which are not
studies, knowledge
which is not knowledge,
philosophy not of this world,
a terror and a mystery
we preach.

Transcending our collections
of books, of dust,
the trickling wisdom
of our fountains, comes
the splendor and torrent
of revelation.

God possesses all.

Y a rien qui tue le sex appeal et l’attirance que je commence à éprouver pour une fille aussi rapidement que quand elle se retourne et que je vois un headset BlueTooth planté dans son oreille.

“Do I matter” is the quest of every soul.

Find a constructive way to an affirmative answer … each soul’s affirmative answer.

Remove what fuels desperation and gain cooperation.

For most, the signal the holiday season has begun is the first snowfall, the Christmas decorations in the store windows, the smell of wood burning fireplaces in the cool fall air, the glorious colors of the changing leaves, the gathering of family and friends around a table overflowing and bountiful with food and drink.

I was standing at my patio door gazing out into my backyard when that moment hit me.

Sitting on the edge of the flower bed was my father-in-law, dressed in his shorts and a t-shirt–clipping his toenails.

Let the holiday frivolity and joy begin for Santa will soon be here!

Besides having no patience for irritables caused by my family due to 20 years of being around them nonstop, we must remember that i am not, by nature, someone who gets easily upset to the point of insanity. If i appear this way, i sincerely apologize because it is accidental.

Sure, when small things happen throughout the day like missing the bus, someone is rude to me, or getting a bad grade i might get upset. But i’m not flipping out over it and planning revenge in my mind for the whole day.

But the stuff my family does really makes me crazy. And no, most of it is not the stupid stuff you find emo-teenagers whining about (especially the girls, oh lordy lordy i am so sick of teenage girl angst!!). I’m not mad because “GAWSH my family is so weird *sob* bla bla bla” or “nobody understands me, oh woe is me, *sob* bla bla bla”

NO. i want to make sure it is clear that we all understand this is NOT what i’m thinking about. Nope, this is stuff that is driving me nuts because of the personality each of my family member has. Some can, at times, be rude, selfish, of hurtful. And I really cannot believe that someone who is a part of your family (which, in my opinion, should be on good terms with each other since we are pretty much stuck with one another for the rest of our lives) can act this way.  And when one (such as myself) tries to bring it up so that we could remedy the problem, they insist on denying they are this way at all. Geez.

For example. My father really seems to enjoy being sarcastic and mean to people when he feels like it.

 He enjoys teasing my grandmother (his own mother!!) when she can’t see her way around, and gives her a hard time for having problems getting into the car. AND, also whenever she has problems with electronics he insists on losing his temper and yelling at her. Not to mention all the times he complains about her behind her back when my brother and I are both present in the room. I find it to be absolutely unforgivable to be so rude to your own mother.

My grandmother probably (well no, she DID) yell at my father a lot throughout his life, so i can understand if they don’t get along very well.

 However, when the woman is very near (8 months to be exact) being 90, is practically deaf and blind, and cannot feel things anymore, i think there should exist some shred of human compassion for the poor woman. It always shocks me too see my father mock my grandmother when she can’t get into the car, or when he yells at her to find the seatbelt even though she can’t feel it, and in restaurants he will blatantly tease her in front of the waitress and everyone else. It’s embarrassing and renders me speechless. I honestly cannot believe he would act this way, i find it to be absolutely deplorable and repulsive. What’s worse is that my grandmother is clueless to his behavior. Either that or she is ignoring it. My mother never wants to say anything if my brother or I bring the topic up with her. She generally defends my father by saying my grandmother was mean to him his whole life. But still, I find this no reason to treat an 89 year old practically blind/deaf woman this way.

——–

Besides that, my father also loves to push my buttons, as well as my mother and brother’s. I know he is doing it on purpose. Whenever he is in a bad mood, he will remind me and my brother that our room (in his case now, his apartment) is messy and disorganized, that we spend too much time on the computer, or we need to clean some other part of the house, or that we never get our acts together, or some other bizarre thing. With my mother, he will be sarcastic a lot, hold a grudge, etc. And the absolute worst is that when you ask him “Why are you being like this?” he’ll answer in a very innocent tone “acting like what? i’m not doing anything…” ugh. I don’t understand how a grown man thinks he’s fooling anyone with that repsonse.

My brother and I hardly ever go to him for advice or sympathy. Why, you ask? Well, he clearly dislikes hearing us talk about our problems because he clearly finds that it is always whining, although I can safely say it is not. My brother would go to him when he has money woes and he’s scared about his future.

My father usually answers by saying “well all you do is buy cd’s and cigarettes. Go get a second job if it bothers you that much.”

If my brother talks about how he is lonely because he has not friends or a girlfriend, my father replies “well go out and do something! Stop going to our house every day. You need a life.” so my brother obviously feels worse about himself. Is it any wonder he has severe depression?

And the pièce to resistance, me and my father. Hmm. If I had a problem when I was dating Mr. Toasty (see earlier posts) but i told him i loved him and didn’t know what to do, he would answer “Well you got yourself into this mess. maybe he doesn’t love you i don’t know” gee thanks dad.

 And when I was nervous about going to Paris, and I needed comforting because this is my first big trip away from my family (about damn time too, clearly) he would get frustrated with me and say “well if you’re so scared then don’t go! stop complaining!” gee thanks dad.

And today, i wasn’t even looking for help. I was just talking. But even that seems to be enough to get him annoyed. I told him about how my TS2 was crashing on the PC, and i was just telling him about what i had been trying to do to fix it. He answers “i don’t know, just go do something else stop messing with the computer you’ll break it“…ummm are you serious? it was HIS fault the computer now has double-folders for everything since he screwed up our backup files. And it was just a conversation. Why must he make everything so negative???! Gee thanks dad.

Most of the things my father gives me and my brother as a “gift” is really all about him. My brother got a laptop yesterday for his birthday. How nice of my dad, right? Hmm. Well, both my brother and I KNOW that the only reason he got it was to get my brother off our computer. He absolutely hates my brother being on the computer.

 My dad stands like a vulture at night behind my brother in the office room to get him uncomfortable and get off. Then my dad will ask in an annoyed tone “Are you leaving yet?” as in to go home. Aww, my father cares that my brother needs to get home before it gets late. HA! wrong. My dad wants my brother to leave so that HE can lock the door and go to bed. For cryin out loud. I could do the lock-up at night if he asked me to. My dad hates when my brother comes over. He doesn’t want him on his computer, eating his food, watching his tv, etc.

Enough about him. Personally, my gut feeling tells me that he isn’t behaving like a grown man AND a father should. But maybe it’s just me? I can’t tell anymore.

———————————————————-

Favoritism. My mom’s to blame for this. It’s very real yet i would never dare bring it up with her, because she will start yelling at me thinking i’m making it up.

Ever since my brother went to college (IN 2000!), i have noticed my mother has become more sympathetic with him. Alright, I can see why. He’s on his own, he has money problems, etc. But there’s a point where it kind of hurts me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like i think she shouldn’t care about the well-being of her son (clearly my father thinks otherwise), i find it to be a no-brainer that she should care about him. But just little things began happening, and now it really just makes me sad.

My mom LOVES listening to my brother most of the time now. My mom has ADD, so she usually has a hard time focusing. But nowadays when my brother talks, she gives him her full attention. She laughs at his jokes, you can see in her face how much she lights up when she sees him enjoying the conversation. When it’s just them and my brother is talking to her about his problems (obviously not with my father anymore), she will give him her undivided attention and actually give him advice.

Of course there are times when my brother bugs her. I’m not going to act like she never gets annoyed with him. But lately she seems to get way more annoyed with me than with him.

How so? Well, let’s see here:

When i’m talking, and when the rest of the family is there, about 8 times out of 10 she will interrupt me. Yes, i know it’s ADD, that’s not what bugs me. What BUGS ME is that those 8/10 times she wasn’t actually listening to me (is it because i am boring? is she tired of me talking? i wish i knew so i could stop whatever it is i’m doing), so when she interrupts she didn’t mean to of course, but it shows that she wasn’t giving me her undivided attention like when my brother speaks, because maybe she just doesn’t find that i have anything worth listening to anymore????????

When it’s just me and her, she’s ALWAYSSSSSSSSSSSS reading a magazine, on her laptop, looking through the paper, watching tv. Yes, i know there are times when i come in to talk with her and she was already doing that, and that’s my fault. BUT, more often than not, once i start talking, she’ll just pick up a magazine and start reading it. Or a newspaper, or go on her laptop, or whatever. So there i am, talking and she just nods and makes “uh huh” “hmm” noises. Luckily i caught on to this pattern at a young age. So i began to stop talking suddenly in mid-sentence and just look at her, to see if that’ll bring her attention to me. Sometimes it will and she’ll just say “…what? I’m sorry i’m sorry”…..well, sorry used to be good enough. now it’s wearing paper-thin. it really hurts. when i was little i couldn’t understand what was wrong. i was so forgiving and assumed it wouldn’t happen over and over again. but now i can’t take it anymore.

It’s so hard to get her to really enjoy my conversations and stuff. She only laughs when i make up silly stories. God i’m too old for silly stories. But that’s the only way to get her to listen to me. I can start with a dumbass story and then if i’m lucky enough i can get to what i really needed to say.

When i talk about my worries for school, she just goes “uh huh” “hmm” and sometimes she’ll apologize and say she was thinking about work, or redecorating the house, or whatever. But lately she gets fed up like my dad. I told her about how I’m nervous about my theatre paper. I don’t know what to do about it since the topic is really hard to find sources for. She made an exasperated noise and just said “oh well” and left. um….ouch?

A few things are evident here. 1) i must be talking about my problems too much. 2) i must inadvertently be talking about them in an annoying manner, since both my father AND mother don’t like to hear about them. 3) my mom is being a bit selfish. Whaaa? Yes! It doesn’t make sense now, but I’ll tell you why i think this:

Why would my mom be selfish for not listening to my problems, you say? Well, because SHE continuously talks about HER problems to all of us all the time. And not only that, but she’ll get visibly angry if you dismiss them. She complains about back pain, neck pain, wrist, elbows, headaches, ankles. She complains about work, life, the house. And don’t you dare just go “uh huh” “hmm” to her. She’ll get offended and tell you “yeah well you complain too!” so, i have learned over the years to look very sympathetic and stuff. But now i’m finding it hard to care.

————————————————————-

As i have gotten older, it has become readily apparent that many things are unfair in this family. And i have gotten tired of trying to keep everyone happy. My mom would say the same thing. I think she also has the same problems as i do, but would never admit them to me. Although when she drinks she loves to tell me what she hates about our family’s behavior and that it just so awkward to hear from your mother.

I’ve gotten to the point where i can’t just lie to myself anymore and feed into everyone else’s bad behavior. I don’t want my father to get away with his rude behavior with his mother or with my mother and brother. I don’t care if he’s mean to me, i can shrug it off. But i care about how he treats my family. I don’t want my mother to get away with being pampered by the rest of us by having to be so sympathetic to her problems, when she doesn’t want to do the same for me.

It has gotten so bad that i don’t really want to interact with my family anymore. Do you see why Paris is so important to me now?

———————————————————————–

For years i have dreamt of getting away from all this. Since i was at least 9. Yes. I can’t believe it either. Around 9 years old i saw that my brother was having depression issues, my parents argued a bit….i could hear their conversations very well from my room. (Thanks to stupid 1948 construction of a suburban house i guess?) so i have always been “in the loop” about the problems my parents go through. What’s awful is that i don’t want to be, obviously. But no matter where in the house i was, i could hear it. And my mom would absent-mindedly keep a diary open by the computer, or a web page open, so that when i got there, I thought i had forgotten something and would read it. Epic fail. I wish she had remembered to hide those things. No, the things that i learned don’t bug me on a day-to-day basis, but they are in the back of my mind a lot. but they don’t bug me, it’s just something to remember.

 I wanted so bad to be allowed to go out and do anything i wanted, but i was only a kid and didn’t get to do much.

Once I was allowed to go out, i didn’t do it. Why? because i knew my parents would be concerned to see their kid just leaving the house randomly (we aren’t that kind of family) and when they asked “where are you going?” i’d say “out.  anywhere.” i knew they’d be worried. And despite the fact that they drive me nuts, i can’t get myself to do anything that would make them worried or hurt. because i love them. they’re my family. But they really are making me insane.

I always daydreamed of just going away somewhere. And once i was there, i wouldn’t keep contact with my family. I wanted so bad to just let go of the whole burden and be myself without any of that extra baggage. Because really, if you just looked at me and who i am, and not my background and stuff, I really am i decent human being. I’m healthy, i’m intelligent, i’m responsible, sympathetic, friendly. Looking at Marguerite just as a single mammal, i’m fine. Nothing hinders me otherwise.

Which is why i cannot wait to go to Paris. I can finally see for myself if i really am a capable human in society. And it’s not like going off to college where one might go home for the holidays and stuff. Nope. Just me, myself and I for 5 whole months. Although i am well aware that being far away doesn’t mean that my problems will disappear. They’ll always be here. But hopefully being physically 3,500mi away could give me a well-needed breather??

My family wants to go visit me, mainly because my mom wants to go to Paris. I am well aware she is jealous, and she likes to indulge herself on many things lately. I told them i don’t really want to see them, since it’d be difficult to have family for like a week then you’re on your own again. I’d rather just be there alone.

alone, alone! Ah, such a wonderful word! I love it. I’ve always been a rather independent child. I loved being in my room by myself. I still do. Lately i tried to hang out with my mom a lot, since i will very much miss my mother when i am gone, but she is very annoyed having me around so much.

So i’m just like “psh well fine, family. Since all i seem to do is bore you with my conversations, or irritate you with my problems, i guess it would benefit us all if i was not around for a while”. God i wish it was more than just a while.

I cannot wait for the day when my life is on track. When i’m self-sufficient. I would call once a month perhaps, but otherwise i could just be me. Finally. Because my family and I just don’t mix as well as we used to. And each year that passes by, i feel more and more apart from them. So let it be this way, if it must be so.

I love my family, don’t get me wrong. But when things are this unbalanced, and no one is willing to change it, i have to let go a bit. Because like i said, Marguerite the human by herself is a decent human. And there’s no reason to ruin that, especially when my life hasn’t really started much. So i will always love them, but i need to protect myself, my sanity, my gut feelings. I don’t want to become a person who is selfish and rude to their mother, or any of that.

Well, i should go. This whole post has created quite a large knot in my throat. plus it’s way too long anyway haha

59 days till Paris!

"Kicking names and taking asses since 2001."

soroboruo: First person shooters started out as simple affairs. If it moves, shoot/kill it. Then, for awhile, it seemed like everything had to have a complex plot with multiple twists, graphic violence, and some sex and/or nudity thrown in for good measure. Now, it seems the first person shooters are once more beginning to favor frenetic pacing and action in lieu of story and narrative or new age mechanics.

The first person shooter debuted primarily with Doom. It lacked any story beyond giving the player a premise for shooting everything in sight, and occasionally collecting a keycard or two. Marathon and Half-Life pushed the boundaries on narrative and story-driven gameplay, consequently igniting fan bases all around with speculation on story and characters. Rainbow Six added tactical gameplay to the usual “run and gun” and getting players to “stop and pop” instead. F.E.A.R. brought in phenomenal artificial intelligence that reacted differently each time.

Like a tower of cards, the first person shooter genre has been slowly built up towards the heavens. Each successive year, we have managed to add more to the base formula, stacking cards upon cards. In fact, there has been so much mutation that the genre seems to have forgotten what makes it so great. The original draw of these games was that they were very easy to understand and that the action was predominantly cathartic. Everyone at some point in time wants to be the epic badass, the ultimate hero, a one man army who beats back the darkness. If this genre is to be built upon and expanded, it needs to have a stronger foundation. Some developers understand this and there seems to be a return to roots for the FPS genre of games, laying down more framework at the base, to build a taller spire of cards.

The first Serious Sam game first released in 2001. Known for hectic moments and frenetic gameplay, Serious Sam often had tons of enemies of all sorts attacking at any given moment. The game was a pure adrenaline shooter, no frills or newfangled gameplay mechanic to mar it. It was the perfect foil to 1998’s Half-Life.

Call of Duty: World at War’s Nazi Zombie mode is also a good example. It was (primarily) not story driven, and it was not meant to have more depth than just shooting everything with a bunch of friends (possibly). Left 4 Dead and its sequel both understand the moments of “oh crap oh crap” panic when people are being overwhelmed and the subsequent “oh my god I can’t believe we survived that” relief chuckle. Left 4 Dead and the Nazi Zombie mode use this understanding and play off of it really well.

Outside of zombie games, Borderlands was a very gratuitous shooter as well. Playing with 3 other people roaming the open ground often meant a 30 minute prolonged battle against a horde of enemies with a couple minutes rest in between. While the rewards are more tangible in Borderlands than in any of the aformentioned games, it is still a simple shooter at heart. The solution to every problem in the game involved some sort of gunplay and a lot of bullets being flung in some direction or other.

The damning evidence of coming full circle and returning to roots, however, is the rerelease of Serious Sam. This launch trailer says it well, as it is truly “the same f*ckin’ game” in a shinier coat of paint. The core game has not been changed at all, but now there is 4 player co-op to go around on the Xbox 360. 4 players is the new standard, and it is, even then, completely dwarfed by the 16 player co-op present in the PC version of the game. People are already buying this, primarily out of nostalgia, which is unfortunate. However small the market penetration is for this, it is still a foundation building experiment. I suppose the evidence of the return to roots is still yet to be had, as there are no solid numbers for this game yet. I, however, intend to buy this game twice, once for the PC and again when it releases in December for the arcade. I am going to spread The Word.

I am glad of the return to old ideas, because I enjoy a mindless romp of indiscriminately shooting everything. If I want story or narrative, I’ll play an RPG or an adventure game. If I truly want a well-done story or narrative, I would probably go read a book. People still do that right?

Let’s face it, I just didn’t feel like being eloquent.

I did, however, feel like folding paper for six hours yesterday. Yes, it was actually fun. And now I have the beginning of my Christmas decorations to go on my ceiling.

Brief story: when I went to visit my sister in France Christmas of 2008, I took a six inch just-add-water tree, and a book of origami and paper. (Need to find that direction book). I made Trees, reindeer, cranes, boxes, and “throwing” stars. The throwing stars are my favorite, because they can be folded up to stay in perfect formation, and never fall open. They are also quite durable, and since they do stick together, they do throw quite well. I stuck them up on her ceiling in France for the holidays, and she never took them down. (They might still even be there…)

Since I have these stars that I really like, and I had a new book of (horrible directions of not real origami) and halfway decent paper, I set myself down yesterday and was crafty. I asked if my cousin had a paper cutter, and what do you know, she did. And so I began. And just didn’t stop.

If I had been forced to do it, it would have been another question altogether. But since I was visiting and chatting and watching TV and didn’t want to be doing anything else, it was a welcome respite from the craziness that is the end of semester. The calm in the midst of the storm.

And now I have an unknown number of stars with which to decorate our apartment.

lahmujen update:

things with the lemuhjen lady have slowed down a bit.  i think we rushed into too much, too quickly.  the honeymoon phase is over.  there was such a passion for 2 lahmujen a day 3 times a week that we both should have known it couldnt continue like that.  I’ve scaled back for other things, lunch foods that dont get so jealous and just let me do my thing.  but i went back yesterday.  right as i walked in, she read me “erkoo hat?” (2 lahmujen?) i nodded, and everything was normal again.  we’ve both moved on without letting the lahmujen get between us.

cool to hear this:

Today, I was told this in an email, which I thought was really encouraging:

“Was particularly pleased to hear how you successfully ditched the financial sector to pursue greener pastures–can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard talk about doing this, but who never follow through.”

Not to demean anything I was previously doing, but this is the exact sentiment I was feeling while trying to make my escape from the industry-that-shant-be-named.  What this guy I met last night said, really hit the nail on the head, and I think I’ll use it to keep myself motivated to do something interesting and fulfilling with my life, because there definitely ARE other options, despite it often looking grim.  Anyway, maybe it can be some fuel to those others out there (you know who you are, i know who you are) who are also looking for an out and find work discouraging, or soul-crushing.  ITS POSSIBLE!  just apply for the kiva fellows program and your problems will go away!

swine watch:

the swines are coming! the swines are coming!  Well after the first case of swine flu being reported nearly a week or so ago, there now have been something like 11 confirmed cases.  I havent noticed much paranoia yet, but I did see a little boy walking around with a mask on.  But maybe he just really wants to become a doctor.  Anyway, from talking to other fellows in places like Mongolia where swine is first rearing its curly little tail, it sounds like there is a tendency to FREAK OUT.  so with that, i’m officially going on SWINE WATCH, and will post updates as they come in.

I’m not too worried myself, as i survived myself when we had a case on our 8th floor and i was working on the 13th.  Now that I think about it, I was placed IN times square and ON the 13th floor.  I think the ny gods were trying to kill me or something.

now some pics:

Here are some recent pics of Mother Armenia.  she is a statue/mother of 2′ish million that was built in 1967 and serves as the official watcher-over of Armenia.  Yerevan is shaped sort of like an ampitheatre with downtown surrounded by stadium-seating full of neighborhoods.  Mother Armenia sits at the top of the hill watching the concert downtown, making sure there is no riff-raff or excessive roughhousing.   she is situated in a park, which is pretty cool and the statue is huge, fun sight to see.  surrounding her are also a bunch of tanks and other military paraphenalia, like an old russian jet and stuff.  there always seem to be kids playing around on these tanks/jets/jeeps so hopefully the pilot didnt leave the key in the ignition.

here now look:

Mother Armenia from a distance. For those into symbolism out there, the way she is holding her sword looks like a cross. did i mention Armenia was the first nation to adopt christianity?

mother "I swear to god if you don't eat your peas I'll stab you with this sword" Armenia

I have some weird fascination with all the abandoned buildings here. so i take pictures of them and then have a nap inside them

Fire Ze Mis-iles!! I saw this boy literally launch this "supposedly-defunct" rocket off his back. I then got his autograph

There were about 79 unpaid parking tickets on his dashboard

]]> http://woolverine.wordpress.com/2009/11/28/x/ Sat, 28 Nov 2009 14:00:11 +0000 woolverine http://woolverine.wordpress.com/2009/11/28/x/

No, this isn't us.

This week, Ellison and I are celebrating our 9th anniversary.  And we’re planning to have a party for our 10th next year.  I can’t say I’ve gotten quite the reaction I was hoping for from my family – they don’t understand why it’s not a wedding, nor why I don’t want it to be one – everyone else seems really happy for us.  It will be nice to bring together folks from various spheres of our lives, who have supported us, individually and as a couple, and have them recognize the (near) decade we’ve spent together, and the future we plan to have.

I’m more deeply in love today than I could ever have imagined.

Awake early on a rainy, cold November morning. This time is among my favorite of all year. I am too full still and it is peaceful. My company is two sleepy little terriers. The kitchen will soon be full and busy with my husband, my boys, my sister and her husband and her beautiful daughters. These are the little things that are the big things in life that make all worth living. There is much I can write about the disasters of family at holidays but at this moment there is nothing but thankful contentment.

FLYBALL AT GRAND STAR

A ONCE A MONTH COOL PARTY IN L.A.

I  HAVE DJ’d HERE A FEW TIMES…

NICE SPOT, NICE CROWD!!!

Everyone that knows me knows that I am a political junkie and therefore they think that I am some sort of genius when it comes to political books…..this review is of a book given to me by a friend because he knows of my efforts to disspell some of the hero worship of our Founding Fathers……

Political Incorrect Guide to The Founding Fathers by Brion McClanahan, Ph. D.

First of all this series is published by Regnery Publishing, Inc….a conservative group at best…..

About the author……is a well learned aficionado of  American History and of course he was born in Virginia…..he went to school in South Carolina, Maryland and now lives and writes from Alabama(a side note:  Phenix City Alabama use to be a huge speed trap town that screwed people with traffic tickets)……at best he is a loyal follower of the guys from Virginia who according to these people the sun rose and set on them and with them there would be NO US of A…..a conservative to say the least……

As a Virginian he made ev ery effort to show the anti-federalists in a bright light, people like Jefferson and Lee and Henry and in doing so took the time to try and paint the New Englanders as the elitists (sounds all too familiar these days)….he attempted to show that the Southern planters as the heroes that only wanted the best for the new country (a position which I do not agree with)…..

I will give him his props…..Dr. McClanahan wrote the book in a style that was easily read….it would give the average American could read and understand…..but with a noticeable conservative lean…if readers would read this book and then a book entitled “American Scripture” then they would have a good base to understand the beginnings of the United States of America……there is always more to the story than the flag waving cheerleading….unfortunately, Dr. McClanahan falls into the same BS that all conservatives fall into…..the Virginians saved the Union….

There is always someone that is willing to con the American people….Nigeria is full of them….we also have a bunch of home grown con artists at our disposal…..like the instant weight loss pills or the free anything that costs you money like a phone jack….you get the picture…..

After years of demonizing Latinos, both legal and illegal, Lou Dobbs will try to improve his image…..why?…..since leaving CNN he has been feeling the waters out for a possible run for Congress in the future…..as reported on CNN::

Mr. Dobbs, who left the network last week, has said in recent days that he is considering a third-party run for a New Jersey Senate seat in 2012, or possibly for president. Polls show voters unhappy with both parties, and strategists believe Mr. Dobbs could tap populist anger over economy issues just as Ross Perot did in the 1990s.

First, though, Mr. Dobbs is working to repair what a spokesman conceded is a glaring flaw: His reputation for antipathy toward Latino immigrants. In a little-noticed interview Friday, Mr. Dobbs told Spanish-language network Telemundo he now supports a plan to legalize millions of undocumented workers, a stance he long lambasted as an unfair “amnesty.”

Mr. Dobbs couldn’t be reached Tuesday. Spokesman Bob Dilenschneider said Mr. Dobbs draws a distinction between illegal immigrants who have committed crimes since arriving in the U.S. and those who are “living upright, positive and constructive lives” who should be “integrated” into society. He said Mr. Dobbs recognizes the political importance of Latinos and is “smoothing the water and clearing the air.”

After a career as a broadcaster and Internet entrepreneur, Mr. Dobbs turned himself into a populist firebrand, campaigning against labor outsourcing, free trade and immigration.

People……a con is a con…..if he really actually changes his tone it will be a momentary lull until he can get his foot in the Washington circus and then he will return to his Beck-esque BS…it is a CON…..and nothing but a CON!

Me & my Best friend Tiffany “New York”

I returned home from the traditional family Thanksgiving Day meal filled with food and feelings of goodwill. But soon anxiety descended once again, so many fears, doubts and that familiar cold sense of isolation converging as I stepped into the house.  I cleaned up after the sick cat, my husband put the leftovers in the fridge, and the television was switched on.

I turned to another man for conversation and comfort.  We talked online.

I first met him back in 2006, one of several people in a room asking questions, listening, judging.  I sat to observe, made the obligatory queries, and reached my decision with ease:  he would do.  At the company Christmas party later that year, I met his wife and told her that I knew he was the one right away.

He asked me how long I’ve thought about being with him, and I told him it was really when he said he was divorcing, back in early 2008.

He has an uncanny ability to hide his thoughts and feelings, while I feel like an uncontrolled mess, the proverbial open book that anyone can read.  He asked if I knew when he wanted to be with me, and I couldn’t answer.  He told me he remembered me from the interview, that I sat to his right, that I smiled and my eyes conveyed warmth.  He liked me immediately.  I had no sense of this; he seemed focused and even detached.  I had no awareness of being singled out, noticed, appreciated.  I am not particularly pretty, and I’m certainly not curvaceous or conventionally sexy.

He asked me, Didn’t you see it in my eyes? and I wondered at that.  I realized that I don’t trust what I see or feel.

He told me, You are better than you think at hiding your thoughts and feelings, which I can only take as a compliment given how I have perceived myself.  And I realized that like most people, I have no ability to see myself objectively.  I have no sense of who I am from the outside.

I don’t think I am particularly impulsive in general, and yet I am stepping consciously into an affair.

I haven’t posted in a long time. I will soon. It will be worth checking back.

Both are needed for Freedom.

Both of my grandmothers worked outside their homes.

My father’s mother was a farm wife until my grandfather’s alcoholism and abuse drove her to divorce him. I remember being told she worked as a cleaning woman to support her youngest son, my uncle, while my father was sent to live with another farm family.

My mother’s mother, who died at a very young age, ran a restaurant with my grandfather, who preceded her in death.

My own mother worked in the early years of her marriage, and returned to the workplace when I was a teen-ager out of economic necessity.

Work always figured into my ideas about the future. Before I graduated from high school, I had worked as a babysitter, a waitress and a caterer’s assistant. During my first marriage, I was often either the sole or primary breadwinner, and since my divorce and remarriage, I have been unemployed only once. For about a week.

I work. And it’s not just what I do. It’s part of my heritage. It’s a large part of who I am.

According to A Woman’s Nation, an extensive report on the status of American women, I was among the minority of mothers who worked outside the home in the 1980s. Today, those numbers have evened out. Children no longer keep women out of the workplace, and because of that enormous economic shift, much of the 450+ page report addresses the impact of work on women and their families.

The workplace gender shift is truly startling. Just 40 years ago, women held about 35 percent of American jobs. Today, women are fully half the work force. We are over-represented in certain fields: nursing, retail sales, home health aides, clerical, and elementary education. And we are under-represented at the top in the corporate world.

But our numbers are growing, and according to the report, co-presented by California’s First Lady Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress, they’ll only increase. Job growth projected by the Bureau of Labor Statistics through 2016 shows the vast majority of new jobs will be created in fields that are typically dominated by women.

What’s more, an astounding 70 percent of all the jobs lost since 2007 were held by men.

Over and over again, statistics and research reported in A Woman’s Nation took me back to one conclusion: While we still have many choices, work has become an integral part of most women’s lives. Our failing economy should be stripping the veneer of sexism off the workplace. But it took an act of Congress for Lily Ledbetter to finally get fair treatment from her employer.

Too many parents are still penalized in large and small ways when they put family before work. Too many employers still haven’t gotten the message that a family caregiver who has time to address critical needs at home will be more productive and less absent.

Women still earn, on average, 77 cents to every dollar a man earns. Still. In this economy. Even college-educated women, who start losing ground the minute they graduate.

A Woman’s Nation combines a dizzying array of workplace studies that, time and again, expose clear, gender-based gaps and inequities that affect both men and women. Jobs are still largely sex-segregated, which is as unfair to men as it is to women, and maybe even moreso in our emerging service-driven economy.

As the report concludes, we can no longer look at the workplace through the lens of gender. That means approaching every aspect of employment and public policy based on the assumption that men and women have equal responsibility for work and home life. It means recognizing, as have other industrialized nations, that parents need to work and spend time at home to fully support their children. Policies recommended by Ann O’Leary and Karen Kornbluh in “Family Friendly for All Families” include reforming paid family leave and social security retirement benefits, retooling wage and hour laws, and increasing support to families for child care, early education and elder care.

A Woman’s Nation shows the impact of workplace sexism and gender separation spreads far beyond just the lives of women. Its clear policy recommendations would accomplish something we always talk about in this country, something our churches and schools and governmental leaders always say they want, but never seem to accomplish: putting family, in all its glorious and varied compositions, first.

Read A Woman’s Nation.