Being an adult with no responsibilities can take its toll sometimes. Ok, I am not completely deprived of responsibilities, but this is not how my twelve year old self pictured my twenty year old self.

I am unemployed, and nobody seems keen on letting me board their ship, which is puzzling considering how charming I am. I’m not even asking for a fancy job, doesn’t anybody need baristas or book sellers anymore? Painting isn’t paying my bills, yet. I don’t even have bills, yet. Because I live at home, because I don’t have a job and I’m a student, and all I want is a small apartment to call my own, preferably in Alaska. Please donate the entirety of your bank account to my Alaska fund, I promise I’ll stop writing this blog once I have enough money to move.

University doesn’t start until October, and as I am not going anywhere until mid September, I took advantage of the fact that I had some money, and went out to buy some canvas. The prospect of painting all day long seemed like a gift from the gods, but as nothing ever goes as planned, something had to go wrong. I got a visit. An unexpected and unwanted guest, an old frenemy- Insomnia. So instead of being able to rest at night, rise early, drink coffee and get work done, I shift in bed for hours, only to fall asleep and wake up multiple times due to nightmares, and am unable to get out of bed until 10.30-11.00 a.m. Ok, but I can still get work done, right? Wrong. Sleep deprivation makes my already shaky hands, shake like I am in heroin withdrawal, and good luck painting then.

Thank you, Insomnia for fucking up my carefully planned schedule (real adults have carefully planned schedules, don’t they?).

You know what? Fuck this shit, I don’t want to be a real adult, I’m just gonna be a tall delusional six year old, with a fondness for vodka and high heels. And I’m gonna paint, and read fascinating books, and travel, and meet people who are not trying to become real adults and are happy to live their lives as tall children.

And I’m getting a job if it’s the last thing I do.