Between the two most recent Penny Arcade strips – “Retales,” Part 1 and Part 2, both of which are hilarious and ring true – and Adam’s Black Friday blog entry, I’ve been thinking about the old days at Children’s Palace.

Yes, it’s true, kids: Once upon a time, Toys ‘R’ Us wasn’t the only big-time massively-awesome-to-a-kid all-toys-all-the-time store. Hell, Geoffrey Giraffe didn’t even have turrets on his building, unlike the Fortress of Toyitude that was Children’s Palace. When we got a Children’s Palace in Canton – years before TRU invaded the Belden Village area – it became a freaking destination. Toys and games and bikes and crap just piled to the ceiling. You’d see employees on these towering ladders up among the haze, mining through boxes and descending with treasures.

I think it was the Christmas of 1988 when I started working there, and my perception forever changed.

I remember only bits and pieces from the newspaper ads and the TV commercials, but what I know for certain is that at some point in the early 1980s, all mankind was united in Rubik’s Cubes, Ataris and Star Wars toys. G.I. Joes; Transformers; Barbie’s perpetual tidal wave of pink. We marveled at our own magnificence as we gave birth to animation and cinematic tie-ins and toy property empires.

There were piles, endless piles, where Cabbage Patch Kids were no longer sold but ripped from red-vested clerks by bloody-toothed moms. For the longest time, I wouldn’t believe it, and then I saw the towering stacks of The Real Ghostbusters figures brought low in frenzy. Watched shoppers shred the Pee Wee’s Playhouse shelves to reach the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles endcaps where they found no Heroes in a Half-Shell, but only row upon row of April O’Neils mocking their ambition.

Standing there, facing the pure horrifying precision, I came to realize the obviousness of the truth. Children’s Palace was a plastic-generated dream world built to keep us under control in order to change a human being into this:

(Apologies to the Wachowskis. Yes, I still love Christmas and no, Children’s Palace wasn’t always that bad. I just couldn’t resist.)

Like most families, we have many Thanksgiving traditions: fried turkey, my cranberry salad, the Stinky Boy Room, and Euchre. None, however, top the Female Bonding Ritual: Black Friday shopping.

My first Thanksgiving with Mark’s family, 6 years ago, I was a little intimidated by how intense the women were, but now I look forward to this all year. As soon as the dining room table has been cleared from dinner and everyone has their slices of (the 5 kinds of) pie, the advertisements come out. I think there are about 10 pounds worth, I kid you not. We draw names for the family gift exchange and set to creating our shopping lists. This takes at least a half hour, as we scan the ads for the best deals for each item and make shopping lists specific to each store. Then, we coordinate who is going to which store when, and who is going to be the designated “Kohl’s Jewelry Counter Girl” in order to secure the best jewelry selection. We usually hit Kohl’s first and have one person stand in line while the rest of us bring in our loot.

And did I mention that one of the aunts does a run through of some of the stores on Wednesday, to get a feel for the layout ahead of time? TRUE STORY!

After Kohl’s we always meet for breakfast at McDonalds to give us a chance to regroup before hitting up Target. Following Target we split up for the rest of our shopping, which goes off and on until early evening.

There is a certain appeal to finishing the Christmas shopping in one fell swoop (I was done by 8:30 AM this year!), but I think the real enjoyment comes from the thrill of the hunt and just spending time together sans the boys.

What kinds of Thanksgiving traditions do your families share?

Please leave a comment if you attend any of the listed events.

Industry Events

12/02 Communicators Holiday Party, 6 p.m.-9 p.m., City Club, Cleveland, $30, RSVP to cleveland@spj.org. Communication trade groups participating so far: Society for Professional Journalists, International Assoc. of Business Communicators, Association for Women in Communications, American Society of Business Publication Editors. I have gone to this for two seasons. If you want to meet some of Cleveland’s top communicators, go to this.

12/02 NOCA One Industry Forum: Outlook Perspectives-2010, 7:30 a.m.-9:30 a.m., The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, $20, register at www.plaindealer.com/noca,mynoca.com. I have attended NOCA’s networking events this year.

12/03 Cleveland Assoc. of Broadcasters Holiday Party, 5:30 p.m.-9 p.m., Wilbert’s, Cleveland, $10, www.cabcleveland.com.

12/03 Cleveland Digital Publishing Users Group Holiday Party, Annual Meeting and Elections, 6 p.m., Siam Cafe, Cleveland, $10 nonmembers, RSVP and prepayment requested,cdpug.org.

12/05 Northeast Ohio Society for Technical Communication (STC) Ice Skating and Holiday Shopping, 3 p.m., Lock 3, Akron, www.neostc.org.

12/09 Lake Communicators Holiday Party, 5:30 p.m.-7:30 p.m., Pine Ridge Country Club, Wickliffe, $10 nonmembers, www.lakecommunicators.com. I have not attended this group’s events due to distance.

12/10 American Marketing Assoc. Cleveland Chapter: You Had Me At Hello-How to Connect With Anyone In Three Seconds, 5:30 p.m., Doubletree Hotel Downtown, Cleveland, $45 nonmembers, cleveland,marketingpower2.com. I have been to some events that interested me. Price is always steep.

12/10 NEO STC Holiday Banquet and Raffle, 5:30 p.m.-8 p.m., Bar Louie, Legacy Village, Lyndhurst, $20-meeting or $40-dinner and meeting, nonmembers,www.neostc.org.

12/10 Press Club of Cleveland Afterwork Party, 5 p.m.-8 p.m., Nighttown, Cleveland Heights, $30 nonmembers, www.pressclubcleveland.com. John H. Tidyman signing new book, “Gimme Rewrite Sweetheart,” with some those profiled in book in attendance.

12/10 Web Association Holiday Party, 6 p.m., Winking Lizard, Lakewood, $15 preregister or $20 at door, webassociation.org. Cohosted with NEO Usability Professionals Assoc.

12/10 Women in Sports and Events (WISE) Cleveland Chapter Annual Holiday Party, 6 p.m., Sweet Melissa’s, Rocky River, nonmembers (?) double check,www.wisecleveland.com.

12/11 Public Relations Society of America (PRSA) Cleveland Chapter: To Manage It, Measure It, 10:30 a.m.-1 p.m., Greater Cleveland Partnership, Higbee Building, Cleveland, $45 nonmembers, www.prsacleveland.org. Panel discussion on the current state of measurement. I have been to events that interested me.

12/15 American Marketing Assoc. Akron-Canton Chapter Annual Holiday Social and Silent Auction, 5:30 p.m.-8 p.m., The River Brasserie and Bar, Cuyahoga Falls, $40 nonmembers, $5 off if you bring gently used coat for donation,www.akroncantonama.org. I have not attended this chapter’s events.

12/15 NEO STC Networking Lunch, noon, LeFever’s Riverside Grille, Cuyahoga Falls, www.neostc.org. One of my “Go-To” events; don’t have to be a member to attend.

Non-industry events

12/01 Speed Networking with Playhouse Square Partners, 6 p.m.-7:30 p.m., Allen Theatre, free(?) double check, www.playhousesquare.org, give your support/young professionals-partners. Limited slots. This looks interesting!

12/01 Sprout Connections Launch Party, 5:30 p.m.-8 p.m., The Club at Key Center, Cleveland, $15 advance or $20 at door, www.sproutconnections.com. New networking group; “Where Cleveland professionals meet and mingle for business, social, dating, and philanthropy.” 10 percent of fee to be donated to a different Cleveland-based nonprofit.

12/02 COSE Swap 25/Power Networking, 4:30 p.m.-7 p.m., Bucci’s at Crowne Plaza, Middleburg Heights, $10 members, www.cose.org. I went to the one held in September; held quarterly. Limited seating, so register quickly. Speed networking, meeting 24 other small business owners in 90 minutes.

12/02 Tech Savvy Women Holiday Party, 5:30 p.m.-8 p.m., Maggiano’s, Beachwood, $23, www.techsavvywomen.org.

12/02 Women In Networking Cleveland Chapter Holiday Luncheon, 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Acacia Country Club, Lyndhurst, $35 nonmembers,www.wincleveland.org. Proceeds to be donated to The Littlest Heroes. I attended some of its meetings as a guest. Female, small business owners.

12/03 Akron Young Professionals Holiday Party, 5:30 p.m.-7:30 p.m., Brubaker’s Pub, Akron, $10 or more donation for Adopt-a-Family, www.ypakron.org.

12/03 Cleveland Professionals Group weekly meeting, 7:30 a.m.-8:30 a.m., One Cleveland Center, Visit as guest, contact Bob Nemeth or Christopher Ernst,www.clevelandprofessionals.com. I have not attended these meetings.

12/04 Cleveland Professional 20/30 Weekly Networking Breakfast, 8 a.m., West Side Market Cafe, Cleveland, free and don’t need to be a member, www.cleveland2030.org. Good excuse to go to West Side Market.

12/04 My Women’s Business Network Second Annual Holiday Event, 11 a.m.-2 p.m., The Ritz-Carlton, Cleveland, $45, www.mywomensbusinessnetwork.com.

12/04 Wicked Young Professionals Night, 7 p.m.-8 p.m., Wyndham Cleveland at Playhouse Square, $30, www.playhousesquare.org, give your support/young professionals-partners. Billed as a networking event for young professionals; free valet parking and preshow cocktail at the Wyndham, then on to “Wicked.” Head back to the Wyndham for a post-show party that includes some of the cast.

12/07 Local Food Cleveland Network Happy Hour, 5:30 p.m.-7:30 p.m., The Greenhouse Tavern, Cleveland, free, www.localfoodcleveland.org. Part of Entrepreneurs for Sustainability (E4S); “Online social network for those passionate about growing local food economy and culture around Cleveland.”

12/08 Beachwood Chamber of Commerce Home Office Link, 8:30 a.m.-9:45 p.m., Beachwood Business Development Center, Beachwood, $5,www.beachwood.org. One of my contacts, Sherri Henkin, speaking about “Write the Right Way!”

12/08 The Cleveland Bucket List private showing of “A Christmas Story” movie, 6:30 p.m.-9:15 p.m., Capitol Theatre, Gordon Square Arts District, Cleveland, $25, www.clevelandbucketlist.com . Networking events from 3 Guys Present to unique Cleveland spots.

12/08 Hope for the Holidays, 6 p.m.-10 p.m., Cuyahoga Heights, $18 pre-register or $25 event day, www.neoreferrals.com. One of the recently formed networking groups.

12/08 Twinsburg Chamber of Commerce Connects Networking Group event, 5 p.m.-7 p.m., Mavis Winkle’s, Twinsburg, free,  www.twinsburgchamber.com. I have attended this; doubles as the restaurant’s monthly networking event. Free munchies.

12/09 Beachwood Chamber of Commerce Networking After 5, 5 p.m.-7 p.m., Cleveland Clinic Family Health Center, Beachwood, $10 nonmembers,www.beachwood.org. Still need to go to this!

12/09 Cleveland Professional 20/30 Networking at Noon, 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m., The Club at Key, Cleveland, $20 nonmembers and $25 at door, www.cleveland2030.org. Topic: The Rise of The Cleveland Food Scene and panelists include Chef Rocco Whalen of Fahrenheit and food critic Elaine Cicora. I have not attended this lunch series.

12/10 Cleveland Professionals Group weekly meeting, 7:30 a.m.-8:30 a.m., One Cleveland Center, Visit as guest, contact Bob Nemeth or Christopher Ernst,www.clevelandprofessionals.com. I have not attended these meetings.

12/10 Entrepreneurs For Sustainability (E4S) Member Mixer and Holiday Celebration, 5 p.m.-8 p.m., E4S Connection and Learning Center, Cleveland, www.e4s.org. Says its a members only event, so follow up.

12/10 Young NonProfit Professionals Network Cleveland Chapter Happy Hour, 5:30 p.m.-7:30 p.m., Crop Bistro, Cleveland, www.ynpn.org, chapters button, Cleveland.

12/11 Chipotle Networking Group: Carnitas and Connections, 11 a.m.-12:30 p.m., Chipotle, Fairlawn/Akron, found it on LinkedIn events. Normally this group meets at the Hudson location and it has a LinkedIn group. Have not attended.

12/11 Cleveland Professional 20/30 Weekly Networking Breakfast, 8 a.m., West Side Market Cafe, Cleveland, free and don’t need to be a member, www.cleveland2030.org. Good excuse to go to West Side Market.

12/16 National Assoc. of Women Business Owners Cleveland Holiday Party, 6 p.m.-9 p.m., House of Blues, Cleveland, $25, www.nawbocleveland.org.

Pat Ropchock is a Writer/Editor who provides online and/or print content. Her background includes content to business-to-business magazines, including e-newsletters and websites; newsletters and newspapers. If you need website copy, blog posts, articles, e-newsletters, or other materials, contact Pat at propchockatyahoo.com or go to www.linkedin.com/in/patropchock.

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Our apologies for the skimpy blogging on the Beard dishes this past week. We’ve had some assistance getting those posts to you regularly, and last week our assistance got sick. However, recovery is in process, so we look forward to being able to bring you regular “Behind the Dish” posts this week as usual.

For now, here’s the delicious lineup of dishes we have planned for Week 5 of the James Beard Project:

Monday, Nov. 30 — Old-Fashioned Chicken Fricassee with Shell Pasta (Beard on Pasta, p. 108)

Tuesday, Dec. 1 — Corn and Shrimp Chowder with Tomatoes (James Beard Celebration, p. 115)

Wednesday, Dec. 2 — Filet of Sole Casanova (James Beard’s Fish Cookery, p. 194)

Thursday, Dec. 3 — Navarin (French Lamb Ragôut) (The New James Beard, p. 395)

Friday, Dec. 4 — Le Plaisir’s Truffled Pasta (James Beard Celebration, p. 140)

Saturday, Dec. 5 — Roast Duck with Peaches and Bourbon (James Beard’s Theory and Practice of Good Cooking, p. 84)

So, when you stare into your fridge this week at that turkey carcass, and the prospect of more turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey casserole, or turkey whatever just isn’t doing it for you, join us for more of the best of James Beard. We guarantee: no turkey on our menu!

This has alot of good spots and alot of good skating in it.

Tacky

Picture this.

It’s almost 9 pm on a Saturday night, it’s a sweltering 90 degrees still, even though the sun is set. You decide to take a little drive in the air-conditioned car considering your central air in the house is either non-existent or broken. You pull out of your driveway and on to the street and drive down the road a little way only to roll your eyes at the sight of Christmas lights STILL hanging up in your neighbor’s yard.

This always embarrasses me a little bit, not because I dislike Christmas or decorations but because of the mere fact that my neighbors are tacky and altogether too lazy to get their asses outside to take down something that took them longer to put up. All too often I hear the excuse “Well I mean, I’m just going to put them up again next year…”.

NO.

My excuse of, “Mom, why should I make my bed? I’m just going to sleep in it again…” NEVER worked so neither can yours Clevelanders. Really, the nerve of this city. 8.3 percent of the city is unemployed anyways SO there really is no technical excuse for not being a bum and leaving your decorations up all year.

Let’s try to get classy this year and take down the lights in a timely fashion, I’d say sometime after New Years, and by sometime I do NOT mean the middle of summer when Christmas has been over for 7 months. Your neighbors and out of towners will appreciate the gesture, and not be confused as to what month and/or holiday it is.

Previously:
Justin Collins

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Mark’s brother demonstrates how to fry hush puppies (using polenta):

Video of the men frying the Thanksgiving turkeys:

• It was strange being away from The Garden on a Sunday.  This morning was a Sunday breakfast at The Garden. I probably missed bacon!
• Had a great week with all my family here in Ohio.  It’s rare when we’re all together.  The cousins are playing on the floor right now one last time before we leave.
• We decided to leave tomorrow morning at 4am instead of ealier this afternoon.  We should get back to Bmore by 10am and back in the office.
• Visited a great new church this morning in Brimfield, OH, Bridge Bible Church, where my brother is the worship leader.  I’ve tried luring him to Baltimore but so far no success; but he seems to be at a great church.
• Tonight we went to and sang at my parents church in Akron, Highview Ave. Baptist Church, where I attended until I left home (and was actually born – yes born at a church…well, in the church parsonage). 
• My brothers and our wives dined at Friendly’s for one last fling before we leave in the morning.
• Just showed my brother the Andy Stanley “Listen Listen” video from Catalyst…very funny:

Birdhouses are so cute, aren’t they? Little homes for little critters. Someone’s mamma thought so, too, so he asked me to make one in cake-complete with critter. Armed with wild ideas and a Wilton house pan, I set forth to create mamma’s passion in cake-despite the horrible heat and humidity and a great lack of central air. The last part’s gonna be important. Remember it and be kind, k?

You can find the pan here:

http://www.wilton.com/store/site/product.cfm?id=3E3191DF-475A-BAC0-53BA3BD42B6F8C98&killnav=1

I made 4 houses and skewered them mightily to a double layered covered foam core board base. Yes, 4 houses. I wanted it to be square shaped and that takes 4 houses. Now you know why they were skewered mightily. So great did I skewer that the delivery sheet included a diagram for removal.

Everywhere there’s an arrow, there’s a skewer and they were all inserted at an angle and had to be pounded into the board below, with the exception of the one in the birdhouse door. Don’t put the birdhouse door skewer in just yet, though. We’ll do that later. Each house was torted and filled with cream cheese icing, and then the houses were glued together with more cream cheese icing. The whole shebang was then iced in cream cheese icing. Do you get the feeling cream cheese icing is important to the tale? That’s ‘cause it is.  Back to the cake:  I think that’s all you need to know before we get started on the décor. If not, holla’.

Once the cake is upright and sturdy, find a round object the size that you want the “hole” to be and press it into the cake to mark the area. Dig it out as much as needed.

From here, we start with the fondant. You will need white, teal, yellow, orange, and lilac fondant.  I made a mistake which I often make when adding gum-tex to fondant. I added it when the fondant was in the liquid stage instead of kneading it in once all the powdered sugar is added. This creates clumps. I dunno why, but is shore do. However, no problemo for this cake. It just adds to the authenticity of the wood look I’m creating. If you don’t like that look, add the gum-tex at the proper time.

Roll out the white fondant. Cut a circle the approximate size of the hole you created and stick it in there. It will get messed up, but do it anyway. I hate to muck up something alone. When that’s ready, compare your pan to the actual cake to check for size and then cut out 2 pieces of white fondant for the front and back using the pan as a guide. Mark the top and bottom edge of your pieces for even lines. Using a straight edged something that’s food safe, press board lines into the fondant. Now it’s ready to be applied to the cake. Expect the fondant to stretch. Just get it onto the cake the best you can and trim as needed. Press the fondant into the bird hole and smooth ‘til pretty.

Measure the sides of the cake from the bottom edge of the roof line down, cut 2 pieces of fondant, make the board lines again, and stick those onto the sides. Once those are on snugly, go ahead and put in the birdhouse door skewer.

I know you’re asking, “Why is the frosting so lumpy?” No air conditioning and cream cheese icing, that’s why.  Try not to obsess about it. Not a thing I can do about it but hope it doesn’t show thru the fondant so let’s move on to the fencing, huh? Cut out 4 more rectangles- each the width of the side where you will be placing the fence. The height is up to you. Cut these rectangles into boards- each the same width. Now you have sticks and they need turned into fence boards. To do this, cut the tops of each one at an angle like so:

The boards need joined, so cut rectangular strips to go across them once they are on the cake, measuring the circumference of the cake so you know how much you will need. You will need this amount twice. Apply the boards and then the joins to the cake like so:

As you can see, my fencing stops at the door. It was a height thing. Your results may vary.

Front, back, sides, fencing: it must be time for the roof. Wad up the rest of the white fondant, and seal it in a baggie to keep it fresh and soft. Roll out the teal fondant and cut circles- approximately a crap ton.

These will be applied similar to real shingles. Start at the bottom and work your way up.

Part way through, I realized it would work better if I also put shingles along the side before working upwards. This helped me plan the spacing. As you can see, you are going to work your way across the roof, placing the next row of shingles between the shingles of the previous row. Otherwise, it will look weird. Go ahead, go outside and check your own roof. The seams are staggered. They should be the same on a cake house, too.

Again, like a real roof, you have to cap it with a row of shingles:

While you have the teal out, go ahead and cut out the flower box. Roll out bits of white, yellow, and purple, and using a flower plunger cutter thingy, cut out flowers. Arrange all to your liking on the front of the house. Repeat for back, if desired.

So far, it’s been fairly simple: cut and apply, cut and apply. Now we’ll get down to the harder part: the bird. My bird is wacky, but that’s what the client asked for so that’s what he’ll get.  First the picture, then the explanation; at least as much as I remember. I used a picture to guide me and I found it on cakecentral in the galleries. Here he is in progress:

Roll one square teal oval for the body and head. Use the non-pointed end of a skewer to make his belly button.

Roll 2 white fondant balls for the eyes and cover those partially with teal for the eyelids.

For the feet, I used orange fondant and a flower cutter and removed the extra petals.

The wings were created from a rectangle. I rounded one end then used a pointed fondant tools to push in 2 areas on the other end to make it look similar to a wing.

The tuft of hair was created with a clay gun. I made a thin round strand, cut it in pieces, and then joined them together by squooshing.

The beak is 2 triangles of fondant. Before placing one triangle on top of the other, roll teeny balls for the teeth. Place the teeth on top of the bottom triangle, then place the top triangle and lightly press the whole shebang together. Press the non-pointed end of a skewer lightly into the beak to create the nostrils. After that, let it dry with 1/3 of it hanging over a low edge so it dries with a slight curve.

When all that is complete, mark the pupils with a black food marker and join all the pieces with piping gel. Keep the extra hair tufts in case of breakage. Let the food marker dry before you put it all together or you may be giving your bird the bird if it smears.

All that’s left now is put your wording on the board and place the bird. Ta-da! Not exactly a Rockin’ Robin in his ‘hood, but it’ll do.

To answer your remaining questions, the weather played a huge part in the pain-in-the-behind-ness of the creation of this cake. The frosting made everything slide. The fondant stretched out of shape and didn’t want to stay put. It was cream cheese frosting so I had to be very aware of how long it was out of the fridge, too. I kept putting the cake in the ‘fridge to harden, take it out and work on it for 5 minutes, repeat ad infinitum. It took a lot long longer than it should have, it became and stayed shiny, and I never did get it to look as professional as it should have looked. The weather is totally beyond my control. I have no idea what the weather is going to be when I agree to make a cake, so it’s a crap shoot. Nice clients understand this. Not-so-nice ones get their cakes from someone else. :) My client, and his mother, was very happy with the cake, and in the end, that’s all that counts. That doesn’t mean I won’t harp on getting central air, but it does show you that sometimes all you can do is all you can do, and no amount of complaining is going to make it perfect or make it take less time.

Happy Dry Cool Weather Caking!

This year we managed to make it down to Old Worthington for the Holiday Open House, complete with sleigh rides (which we missed!  bummer!), Santa, and the lighting of the town Christmas tree + carols.  Despite the fact that it rained a bit, it was lovely!  Have I mentioned how much I love this town?  I’ve lived in Worthington (or very near it) since I was 12.  We ended up buying here 5 years ago because it was comfortable and close to my parents.  But in the last year, I’ve met some of the most fantastic women, and now I live in a beautiful little community surrounded by wonderful friends and neighbors.  It is really more than I could have ever dreamed of, this life we’re building here.

I’m not the only one of us getting sappy about this, by the way.  We’re all feelin’ the love.

Anyway, thought I’d share some of the pics I got from today – so glad I decided to take my big camera down with me…

the boys and santa

fisher and his best girl

downtown in wo-town

my homegirl, AmFam (with cameo by Mr. AmFam behind)

More here

We had a very nice family Thanksgiving on Friday, and I finally started a bit of Christmas Shopping.  I’m trying to purchase all my Christmas gifts from local businesses this year.

Some recommendations?

Little Alouette - gorgeous ohio maple teethers made by amy and joe

Igloo Letterpress – wonderful press-printed cards, stationery & hand bound books by allison.

Made by AmyD – aprons and other hand-sewn lovelies made by another fabulous amy. (you can find her aprons at the whole foods on sawmill!)

Skreened – this was a huge hit last year with my family – upload your kids’ artwork and make t-shirts!  daniel does it right!

I am personally aquainted with all of these local business people and will vouch for their hard work and general awesomeness. So shop local!! Unless you’re from somewhere else, then shop Central Ohio anyway, cuz these guys rock!!

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