And now the rain

And now

Now

The rain

            Which is and is

            A thousand things

Falls and falls

Everywhere and all around,

Down through the soft

Movement of trees

And lifting

And touching

Leaves,

Falling and falling

And everywhere and all around

Falling and falling

Everywhere.

Today is Christmas Eve and I’ve finally finished getting  ready for my trip to Spokane to see John. I’m so excited! I’ve fretted over monster storms, flight cancellations, illness, missed connections and I think I’m ready to give myself up to trusting that all will go well, and I will arrive safe and sound to enjoy a grand holiday with my husband.

I’ved baked and tasted my Christmas cake; I’ve watched Dickens’ A Christmas Carol twice and am well into the Christmas spirit of the holiday. My mother and I will share a Christmas Eve dinner of shrimp and rice with stir fried veggies. I will make her watch some more sappy Christmas movies, all which have the same theme, but one that never fails to choke me up. I will go to bed whenever and wake up at 3 am to get ready to get the Red Car to the airport at 4 am.

I’ve traveled many times on Christmas day, and always have found it a day of much stillness. It’s as if the world has taken a moment and is in between breaths. I look forward to it. Merry Christmas all.

Unsurprisingly, confidentiality and the maintaining of such is a key part of our job. Over the past few months really, an interesting and in some ways warming story has developed in front of me that I thought I would share just before Christmas.

It involves two women whom I care coordinate. Both have mood disorders and both live alone. Both have had difficult and lonely years. Both needed to move away from where they were living for very different reasons.

Within a few months of each other, they both moved into the same sheltered accommodation – a few doors apart. I was there to assist and support through the process and the immediate aftermath – moving is never easy for anyone. Especially when you are alone and don’t have the networks of friends and family to help.

And being recent additions to the block, they quickly got to know each other and have become good friends with the help of a proactive warden (another reason I think the move towards alarms is scandalous but that’s a story for another day).

I tended to visit on the same ‘round’ due to the proximity between them but managed to keep myself to myself for a while – until I turned up and both were sitting in the garden area chatting together– when of course, both greeted me warmly and then looked at each other with confusion.

Neither has asked me about my visits to the other, but I wonder if that connection deepened the relationship as they have been popping in to see each other and going out and about more together.

When I visit each one, they will tell me about what they are doing and include discussions about the other, but neither have asked or expected me to mention anything. There is an awareness I expect that it wouldn’t be possible for me to discuss certain things and to be fair, neither have broached that or asked anything of the other.

I was discussing the situation with a colleague earlier and to be honest, I doubt there will be an issue for much longer as I intend to discharge them both but wanted to see out the Christmas period as it has been a year of much upheaval.

But a great deal of support has come from these informal networks that are created and sometimes I wish we could do more to create and evolve these relationships. It reminds me how many people I see who have no networks at all.

But it seemed to me a positive way with which to leave the week behind.

Merry Christmas to all!

I never feared anything in my life from the day my brain started applying common-sense to the world around myself. I never feared bullets, I never feared bombs, I never feared beating up by 10 guys, I never feared any nuclear missile falling over my head and I never fear death. As the clock-needles slip into year 2010 from the year 2009, the whole world will be enjoying, partying and celebrating in the night, a new liveliness in their lives, after a couple of weeks of that celebrated night I will enter into a new stage of life known as 30s. I will be completing 29 years of lifetime since my birth. I don’t know what the people in this world feel like when they complete their 29 years of lifetime, I don’t know what other people feel when they enter into their thirties, all I know is about myself, I feel different, I feel fear, I am really scared. Yes, for the first time in my life, I am really scared. I started thinking as soon as my bran started to get aware of the world around itself (age 23), at an age around 25 when I started to understand that awareness , I started writing a weblog where I always wrote truth, I never lied to you, I never lied to my family, I never lied to my girl-friends, I never lied to my friends and I am still a truth seeker. As I am entering into age 30, as usual I don’t fear death, I fear the old age, I feel as if I am standing in the shining sun and the the devil of old age has started to shed its wings of darkness over my head, enclosing me into a world of darkness, beside whom sunlight exists but he can’t reach because the liveliness of the youth is slipping from his grip and he can’t do anything about it.

In 1996, I passed my high school and next 2 years after that flown away at supersonic speed and I did feel them passing, they passed fast, very fast and before I even looked at myself in a clear manner, I had completed my senior school. After senior school, the time flew at the speed of light, it never stopped, it never let me feel it, it never let me to take a look at my life, its just ran and ran and today, I am entering into my 30s, with a feeling of fear. I am at a place where I never wanted to be. I don’t have any idea where I am standing at.

Did I promise myself to never to do a job .. No. Did I promise myself to be a big and great businessman.. No. Did I promise myself to be an actor.. No. Did I promise myself to never to marry.. No. No, I did not make any promises like that to myself. What I promised myself is I will be healthy, I will be healthier than anyone else, I promised myself to be greatest fitness man ever existed on Earth. I promised myself to find a lover and then marry her and then have kids and teach them an ethical, responsible, healthy and fitness based lifestyle. Did I promise myself to become a rich man.. Yes, I did and I also promised myself to never be as rich as TATA or Gates, never to be consumed by the money or secondary things like expansive mobiles an cars and diamond rings that it takes the time I have for my gym. I promised myself to be like Michael Jackson, not for his popularity and star-status but for the skill he has, one of the greatest musicians of the 29th century, that was my scale of skill. I promised myself to be a martial-artist and tell this world about martial-arts and share all the knowledge openly with anyone. I saw people known to me dying because of Diabetes, Blood-Pressure and Heart-Attack, in the fraction of a second, I promised myself to never to have those diseases.

Look at me where I am now a weaken body, a hectic and psychologically disturbed lifestyle, not even having the money to buy a cycle . I set standards of life for myself that I will never accept and now today I feel like I am getting old, getting tired, loosing the liveliness of youth I hold high for. For the first time in my life I fear of something unable to control, something beyond my power and thinking. For the first time in my life, I think I am coming closer to an age where I will no longer be able to laugh hard, go where I want, run in the direction I need, where I will no longer be able to practice hard Kung-Fu, where I will no longer be having an energy to share my thoughts about martial-arts. For the first time in my life I fear that I will not be able to kick my punching bag. For the first time in my life, I fear that JKD is an incomplete art ac compared to the journey of a man’s lifetime.

What I have achieved in my life.. a Numero Uno jeans, a pair of PUMA shoes, two thousands of rupees of bank account during the first week of any month ? But all those are secondary things, I have achieved a level of intellectual development literally unmatched and far beyond the capability of major amount of population but is it on par with the greatest achievers in the history of the mankind, No. Have I ever been able to buy enough amount nutritious food to build my health, no, I am not even closer. If I die today or even after 5 years, will I have no regrets then.. no, I will regret it, I am nothing, a nothing man died. As I type these words, I no longer seem to want or feel anything. I don’t feel any tension of work, I don’t feel any pressure of my job, I don’t feel any urge to love anyone, I don’t have any urge to watch my favorite movie. I don’t have any desire left, I just want to go home and be left alone like a man from whom everything was taken back, he does not have home, he does not have a family , just he and these green and dried brown trees, this grass, these roads, the water, the sounds and these animals. He does not have anything to weep for or laugh for. His life has ended because he has seen, all these friends, relations, families, mobiles, pizzas, cars, clothes, shoes are not what he needs. He knows he is getting old, the precious years he spent laughing are going down into the drain and what he has done with them, what he can do with the present, nothing, just pure waste, he stands exactly where he stood 14 years ago, empty. I ask you a question, what that man will do .. what a man will do if he knows he is going to die tomorrow for sure . what will he do, what will you do ? What will you advise that man ? .. What will you advise to me .. ? What will I do ?

I will love. Yes, I will love. I will practice Kung-Fu fighting.

Copyright © 2008 Arnuld Uttre, #331/type-2/sector-1, Naya Nangal, Distt. – Ropar, Punjab (INDIA) – 140126

Verbatim copying and distribution of this entire article are permitted worldwide, without royalty, in any medium, provided this notice, and the copyright notice, are preserved.

Oliver St. John Gogarty(1878-1957)  is the original for Buck Mulligan in James Joyce’s Ulysses. He was an unusual character and he, as a surgeon, poet and conversationalist impressed his contemporaries as an original. There are quite a few anecdotes. In 1939 shortly after the outbreak of war  he went to live in the USA. Till 1957 he remained there and he didn’t quite enjoy there. But it was the exciting time what with music becoming livelier. Rock and Roll, Elvis, Chubby Checker took over the music scene while jukeboxes (‘ Wurlitzer’) kept many a teenager on the toes. Ah to be young and in America!

On one occasion Oliver St. John Gogarty was sitting in a bar on Third Avenue, in New York with some six other fellows. Gogarty kept them amused and in rapture with some wonderful stories. ( Story tellers get their second wind at the reception they  get and he was raring to go.) ‘Now l want to tell you this,’ and he started with another story. At that time a teenager went over to the jukebox and dropped a coin. All hell broke loose. The story teller’s face changed and he became sad, and with a touch of regret and anger he said,’Oh dear God in heaven, that I should find myself thousands of miles from home, an old man at the mercy of every retarded  son of  bitch who has a nickel to drop in that bloody illuminated coal scuttle.’(Ack: Brian Aherne)

benny

Really it was a fairly busy day yesterday. The person I had been scheduled to visit and had completely expected to be out when I called was actually in. Of course, he wouldn’t let me in but we managed a fairly useful chat through the front door and kitchen window. He had some choice words about ‘social workers’ but although I had clearly introduced myself (when he levered the front door open to see my face) he seemed quite happy to continue shouting in my direction for a while. At least we’ve tracked him down and he has agreed to further visits – hopefully beyond the front door but I’m happy to work it either way!

I also popped in to another visit that I had scheduled where there were some unexpected local difficulties with various care package issues over the Christmas holidays and a carer who had had some personal difficulties and I wanted to check that everything was in place and working as best it could.

It started snowing when I made my way back to the office. By the time I arrived I resembled a snowman – completely covered in a sheet of white. And cold.

We joked amongst ourselves about having difficulties getting home but relying on the Transport for London website, I happily assured everyone that there were no problems on public transport. When one of the  less optimistic nurses muttered about having to spend the night in the office if it snowed too much, I happily said that if that were the case, I would walk home –it’s only 5 miles after all (I checked the distances on Google!).

As the snow began to fall more heavily and was obviously settling, we were told to leave early if necessary. That was at 4.30pm. Oh, how I cursed my previous jauntiness. One traffic jam, one broken bus, a long walk, a tube journey and another walk later, I arrived home just about 7.45pm.

The worst part was definitely trying to walk on what quickly became sheet ice.

The most inappropriately funny part was when the bus driver told us to stop moving around on the bus in case it started sliding downhill.

The stupidest part was that I didn’t just get the underground to start with and that I even made an attempt on the bus.

But you live and learn.

Certainly it’s been picking up this week in terms of the rush – and compounded by more than the usual number of people off work at any given period, mean that it’s likely to be a busy week.

I am used to working over the Christmas period – I can’t remember the last time I had the Christmas period off work and in some ways, my work can serve to compound the fortunate state that I find myself in general in my life and situation. As for this week itself, today I have to do and visit someone who is very unlikely to be in when I visit – it might seem unnecessary but it is a part of a concerted attempt to ‘make contact’ – probably in the precursor to other methods of outreach being attempted although to be honest, between the team, we’ve tried most things.

Last week, I had a call at the tail end of the week from a carer who is the daughter of a woman that I work with to tell me a close family member had died very unexpectedly. I assured that I would pop in this week. And there are a couple of pre-Christmas visits to people I am more concerned about – who have had particularly difficult years and might need some extra support and assistance through the so-called ‘festive’ period. I don’t say that as a cynic but simply that, in my experience, it can be one of the more miserable times of the year for those who are alone or without family.

I try to spend the week between Christmas and the New Year in the office and ‘dealing with emergencies’. I have scheduled a couple of visits for those I am most concerned about but generally, it can be a good time to catch up on paperwork when the office is quieter than usual.

For me, I rather like Christmas. Girl wanted a traditional English Christmas. So I bought a Turkey.. for the three of us. I was intending to buy a Turkey Crown at the very most, just on a quantity scale and fear for the amount of food involved but she sounded heartbroken and REALLY wanted a leg of Turkey. I bought the smallest turkey I could find but I still worry about quite the amount of leftovers that it’ll be generated. I am trying to make it as traditional a Christmas as possible although ironically we never really did Christmas much in our house. We have some assorted presents under the tree but have had, unsurprisingly, a tearful weekend with thoughts of being away from family at Christmas time and a time that is emphasised as being for families to be together.

My friends and family have been good about including her in our present-giving and card-giving rounds. Especially grateful as I’ve been a little lax with presents this year!

Apart from Christmas, there’s the thought that my dad would have been 70 on Wednesday. Each of these ‘moments’ without him – my first birthday, his first birthday, Christmas/Festivals … they bring it home. If they weren’t so hard on the annual leave, I would have taken the day off to be honest because I doubt my mind will be particularly well-focussed but I have endeavoured to arrange some of my last ‘pre-Christmas’ visits for that day so I’m unlikely to hit the office (so to speak) very much.

But at least I have four days off over the weekend.

The way things were shaping up for my grandmother has not been good. She has been staying with each of her daughters for sometime now and there has not been a house that she can call her own.

The problem arose when my cousin with who she was staying after Grandfather’s death had to move to Chennai. She could not obviously follow them and then she had to move in with one of her daughters. My mother who is the eldest daugter could not shoulder the responsibility because me and my daughter were staying with her  after my divorce. Moroever, amma (mom) was not healthy and could not look after ammoomma (grandmother) that wellwithout help from someone. I would be too busy myself with my hectic job. And old people require more care and affection.

For a week she was with one daughter and with another one the next. She found this a little embarassing and uncomfortable not only because she had to carry around her things with her (medicines, clothes) but also because she was old and needed a stable existence. But alas, she had no other go. There was also the reason that she wished to see and be with each of her grandchildren and daughters.

I found this a little embarassing and hurtful myself because I loved her a lot and needed her to be happy always. You see, In India we have this huge problem of the family staying together at all costs always. I call this a problem because in some ways it inhibits your ability to enjoy your independence. Still in a way, this can also be a blessing because you are always cared for and appreciated as a loved one.  However, in this case, we were having a problem, I felt. She was an old woman who needed to be treated with respect and that respect was lacking here, with her having to pack her bags and move about in her ripe old age.

Well, on second thoughts, this is anyway better than her having to stay in an old-age home without anyone to love her. She does move about but she is treated as one in the family and not thrown away to strangers, right ? Her daughters  and their husbands were looking after her and repaying for all the love she had bestowed on them in her younger days. She may feel lonely without anyone to talk to much but it is better than having to stare at the faces of nurses and maids who are of no relation to her.

Old age is the only time when you can say with confidence whether you are lucky…..lucky enough to not get thrown to the old-age homes, lucky not to get murdered after staying alone in huge mansions or small apartments, lucky not to get ill-treated by your own kith and kin……lucky to not be a victim of dementia and Alzhiemers…..

Green Tea As A Natural Anti-Depressant?

Posted on: Saturday, 19 December 2009, 06:25 CST

According to a recently released Japanese study, drinking several cups of green tea a day may work as a natural anti-depressant for older men and women, adding yet a another healthful boon to the increasingly researched wonder beverage.

Researchers at Sendai’s Tohoku University Graduate School of Biomedical Engineering found that elderly people over the age of 70 who drank four or more cups of green tea per day were 44 percent less likely to struggle with depression than those who drank less than four cups.

A variety of studies in recent years have highlighted the link between green tea consumption and the alleviation of various forms of psychological stress.  Dr. Kaijun Niu and his colleagues at Tohuku University took their cue from these studies and decided to investigate whether tea might specifically have a positive impact on symptoms associated with depression.

After examining and questioning 1,058 spry seniors, Niu’s team found that around 34 percent of the men and 39 percent of the women reported having some symptoms of depression, with 20 percent of the men and 24 percent of the women having symptoms that could be classified as severe depression.

Of the patients questioned, nearly half said that they consumed at least four cups of green tea per day, while a quarter of them reported that they drank two to three cups a day, and another quarter drank one or less.

The researchers reported in the December issue of the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition that apparent mental health benefits associated with drinking lots of green tea still held true even after other factors were taken into account such as socioeconomic class, diet, smoking, physical activity and history of medical complications.

Niu and fellow scientists also observed that other tea varieties—like oolong and black tea—did not appear to demonstrate the same salutary anti-depression benefits as their bitter green cousin.

Though harvested from the same plant as both black and oolong teas, the technique used to dry and prepare green tea permits significantly less oxidation of the leaves, giving it both a different flavor and chemical composition.

One of the chemicals present in green tea is theanine, an amino acid similar to glutamate which is able to cross the blood-brain barrier.  Scientists have long suspected that theanine may have general tranquilizing effects on the human brain—one potential explanation for the apparent anti-depressant benefits observed in the study.

Despite the compelling initial results, however, Niu and his team say that additional studies will be needed to draw a more concrete connection between green tea consumption and mental health.

On the Net:

• Tohoku University
• American Journal of Clinical Nutrition

Source: RedOrbit Staff & Wire Reports

More News in this Category

I seem to do much whining and complaining about my life with Gladys; but, I figure I’m entitled. Gladys’ dental hygenist isn’t. I become very protective of Gladys when strangers have the audacity to criticize her.

When I walked into the room where the hygenist was finishing up on my mother’s teeth, the hygenist said in a who’s-in-charge-of-this-errant-child tone of voice, “She (meaning Gladys) is not spending enough time brushing her teeth. There is too much plaque build-up.”  Obviously, the woman had never spent anytime waiting on my mother’s bed for her to finish brushing so they could leave for an appointment.

Immediately, I sprang to my mother’s defense saying, ” My mother spends a good deal of time brushing her teeth. She uses an electric toothbrush and is very conscious of keeping her teeth clean.”  She replied, “Well, she’s not doing it properly then.” Good, God! What put this woman in such a pissy mood? I replied, “Well, why don’t you tell me exactly the problem so we can get her brushing properly.” Seems Gladys wasn’t getting her gumline and this is where the build-up was. We left the dentist office after paying a $218 bill and getting no respect.

The dental hygenist was not a young kid right out of dental hygenist school. She was a woman in her fifties who does my mother’s teeth every 6 months. First of all, she talked to me as if my mother wasn’t there, but that I can forgive, because Gladys probably didn’t hear anything she said in the hour she was getting her teeth done. Secondly, the hygenist did not consider for one moment the difficulty Gladys might be having brushing her teeth now.

The very act of holding the toothbrush to her teeth in front of the mirror for any length of time is extremely tiring for Gladys. Her hands are arthritic and don’t work well anymore. Her eyesight is poor and perhaps she can’t see her gumline  so she simply aims for any part of her teeth. The dental hygenist needs a course on working with very old patients. My mother is probably the oldest patient she has, and needs understanding not admonishment.

Five seconds later- …why are we standing here. GET OF MY LAWN!!

Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come And the years approach of which you will say, I have no pleasure in them; Before the sun is darkened. and the light, and the moon, and the stars, while the clouds return after the rain; When the guardians of the house tremble, and the strong men are bent, And the grinders are idle because they are few, and they who look through the windows grow blind; When the doors to the street are shut, and the sound of the mill is low; When one waits for the chirp of a bird, but all the daughters of song are suppressed; 5 And one fears heights, and perils in the street; When the almond tree blooms, and the locust grows sluggish and the caper berry is without effect, Because man goes to his lasting home, and mourners go about the streets; Before the silver cord is snapped and the golden bowl is broken, And the pitcher is shattered at the spring, and the broken pulley falls into the well, And the dust returns to the earth as it once was, and the life breath returns to God who gave it. Vanity of vanities, says Qoheleth, all things are vanity! (Ecclesiastes 12:1-8)

Commentary here

Photo: ABC News

I am still knocking around ideas for my $400 gift card. I haven’t actually gotten it in the mail yet.  I’ve decided to make it my personal goal to shop as wisely as possible with that gift card and chronicle my shopping journey on here.  I suspect that by the end of my $400 I will have learned something about myself and honed my savings skills. Right now, I am in the planning stage, not just how to use my winning gift card, but for Christmas, which is fast approaching.  Now is the calm before the storm, the storm being our Christmas cookie baking and the wrapping of the gifts.  I already sent out my Christmas cards and did the shopping (all year, not just after Thanksgiving). I won’t feel at peace and prepared until that baking is done, the gifts are wrapped, and my house is clean.  (no, it did not stay neat from my mass cleaning preparations before Thanksgiving. I do still have a 6-year-old who loves her projects)

I have a quirky sense of humor, or else I am just going mad, but this morning’s e-mail had me chuckling.  I’m afraid my spam filter manages to filter out approximately 100 ads but a good 10 or 15 that come through are downright pornographic! I used to just delete my spam box automatically, until I realized I was missing some personal e-mail that ended up in my spam. (My recent e-mail from a publisher was actually in my spam, so I am definitely checking my spam now)

Still, there are plenty of ads in my inbox.  This morning one from a woman’s plus size fashion company advertised their new line of plus size jewelry and fragrances.  I couldn’t help but chuckle at the image of a marketer deciding that bigger women needed some kind of special fragrance. What? To cover up their unmistakable odor of grease and doughnuts? The jewelry line I could understand; bigger bracelets for the corpulent wrists, larger rings for the sausage-like fingers, but the plus size fragrance?  (realize here, dear voluptuous readers, and I count myself among you,  I have a wry sense of humor and a caustic wit~ I may wear some plus-size clothing but I do not now, and never have had or regard anyone else’s wrists as corpulent or fingers as sausages! Instead, I am imagining a slim gentleman in an expensive suit sitting at a desk and designing the plus-size jewelry and what he is thinking as he does so)

Well, as it turns out, the fragrance was just regular skinny people fragrance advertised in the same description as the plus-size jewelry, as in “Now~ we have added plus-size jewelry and fragrance to our website,” and not “plus-size jewelry AND plus-size fragrance,” but still. It had me chuckling to myself.  It reminded me of the Dove Pro-Age products that came out a couple years ago designated for “women of a certain age.” I can understand the shampoo and conditioner, and even the lotion. Hair and skin gets drier as we age. But the deodorant?? Are our underarms that different as we age, and if they are, is that really something we need or want to know?  I wondered, then, whose idea that special line of deodorants was, and what kind of marketing plan it entailed.  What were they thinking? Say, these 50-plus women would like to go to the store and buy their own special deodorant with the code name Pro-Age and basically announce to the cashier,their families, strangers in line, and God and all of creation that they have OLD underarms.

Yea. Wonder how that product went over.  I still see the shampoo on the shelves, but I gotta admit, I haven’t seen that Pro-Age deodorant for a while.

Memory is what tells a man that his wife's birthday was yesterday. ~Mario Rocco

Getting older causes things to disappear.

When did this happen?

I didn’t get the memo!

Now, I’m faced with adjusting my life to realize that at any given moment I will forget what I was doing or why I am standing in that spot. It’s absurd, really!

Up until yesterday, I had talked myself into believing that I just have way to many things on my plate…but that theory is squashed when I see the results of my good work. Work is work…I have lists!

So back to the adjusting my life to this new reality…

After giving it a lot of thought, I’m going to start by slowing my pace and getting more oxygen.

No more looking for my glasses, only to find them on the top of my head!

In my search to find a daily practice to deal with the coming of age, I found a cool link of the Best Memory Boosters for Women on health.com

Take the Memory Quiz and see how you fare…and don’t forget to stop by the Helpguide to learn some easy tips and techniques for improving your memory.

Memory Nutrition 101 …remember, you are what you eat.

The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Don’t forget the clothes in the washer!

Cheers!

Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Florida forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all human kind.

Dear Hudson Middle School,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen’s luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Hudson Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it’s nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless your for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a million pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said, "Drop dead!"

Thanks again!

Sincerely,

Edna

me too!!!

One more day left in November 2009. May be my last November, who knows, who knows about any of us. We do plan with much assurance, often wrongly. Makes no difference overall as Solomon the Preacher says, “There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after.”  And so it goes.

But, anyway check out the link above if you are one of the 17,500 un-employed persons in this wonderful land of ours, the land of Goldman Sachs, BOA, Morgan Stanley etc.. Hey remember, not so very long ago we, generally speaking, were envious of the folks that worked for these wonderful American firms. Capitalism at it’s finest, our collective: finest hour.

I’m a Christian person. I ask God everyday, every night,  and often through-out the day to prepare me for Himself. I ask only because I am a coward by nature and a wimp. I ask Him to go easy on me so I don’t embarrass Him when I leave this place onto that short journey to Him. There are many Christian wimps out there who, like me, hope that what we say here and present to the world is evidenced in the journey home to our Creator. Just a thought between sips of this hot coffee and bites of this ’apple pie’.

So, on Tuesday, the first of December, the rent is due again. I have to constantly worry about this thing being left out in the cold, I have to keep it fed and clothed. It lives well at my expense. I’m thankful that I don’t have any debt, indeed this thing, if it could, would suffer upon me luxuries untold: fine homes, sports cars, expensive prostitutes and the like. Thank you God for sparing me all of this even though there is great rebellion, help me endure.

It’s Sunday night, 8:oo p.m.. No crowds here tonight, probably football games on television. There is an older couple with a younger man;  maybe a son: strange clothes, probably gay, who knows, I nod and they do also. Nice folks. I think some believe we–everyman–are constantly judging and eliminating persons from our lists, we’re not, or at least I can say of myself: I’m not. I want to be friendly, I am friendly. These folks seemed at first embarrassed by the young man in the strange clothes but after my greeting they seemed to relax, sigh. Friendly smiles, even the young man.

Hey, this is cowboy country so to see someone dressed in baggy red pants, red sneakers, and wearing gem-studded shades is unusual, especially at 8:00 p.m.. The parents, maybe grandparents seem like normal, lower middle-class working stiffs. Probably are his grandparents. I’m glad that grandparents are taking care of the kids. Don’t get me wrong, better the parents do it, but, they can’t take care of themselves. So, what a blessing: grandparents.

A pretty little female employee just started her break, cute little thing–can’t live without that phone–feet on the chair waiting for Mama to pick her up. I love you Lord, I’m sorry that I am so cynical and ugly, of course You weren’t always lovey-dovey either when You were here. I know that you understand how inadequate I am for these things.

I’m close to the end of “Go Down Moses”. Boon killed the bear by attacking him with his bare hands and hunting knife. He wouldn’t shoot because ”Lion” his dog was ripping at the bear (BEN) and being ripped up by Ben at the same time. Boon couldn’t shoot anyway. Boon loved the dog. The dog died as did Ben the bear. Ben and Sam Feathers seemed one energy. As the bear was dying Sam was dying vicariously, another: ‘rite of passage’. This book is full of incidents that qualify as ‘rites of passage’. Well, gotta go, it’s cold out there and dark. Hey, let them ‘Golden Arches’ lead me home.  

When waking up from a dream I don’t want to be in, there is that pivotal moment right before my eyes open that I realize how wonderful life is.  Because I return to the comfort of reality.  Not trapped in an eerie sub-world with a grey and pink cloudy sky.

Similarly, I sometimes forget how old I am.  I often hesitate when people ask.  In the milliseconds before I answer, my mind travels through different ages I could be.  The most common:

“Am I 75 years old, with most of my life behind me?  Is my body aged and limited by decades of wear and tear?  Have I truly lived my life?  Have I been the giver I need to be?  Or have I lived my life selfishly?”

A millisecond later, the wheel has spun, and the arrow points to “28”.  I say out loud, “I am 28”.  Over a third of my life is finished, but that still leaves two thirds.

Like waking up from a dream, I realize I am still young, and I’m so grateful.  The problem is, despite hearing “hold on to your youth” and “enjoy this while you can” from older adults, especially starting once I graduated high school, I can’t do it.

I can’t appreciate “the now” anymore than I already am and have been.  In fact, I try to hold on to the present too strongly.  And then it becomes the recent past.  So then I’m holding on to the past and the present at the same time.  Almost to a fault.  It’s always been a part of who I am and how I think.

My senior year in high school for our “class prophecy” read aloud at Class Night, the day before graduation, my peers predicted that in 10 years I would still be living in Fort Payne, wishing I was in 1983.

I am a person known for my desire to want to freeze time.  Or ideally travel back to my younger years.  All my classmates were aware that even as a freshly turned 18 year-old, I romanticized about the 1980’s more than is humanly normal.

I feel time is going by too quickly and I’m not even 30 yet.  Like the forced moving screen on certain Super Mario levels, all I can do is keep moving forward.  And like love and money, there will never be enough time.

Cold Poem

So, I’m trying to get Gladys out of the house, and out of the driveway by 2:30 pm to get her to a dental appointment for 3 pm. She started getting  ready at 1 pm. I’m gnashing my teeth and not doing a very good job of hiding my impatience as I button up her sweater. Gladys is sitting on her bed at 2:30 pm. She mistakes the source of my impatience and thinks it’s because I have to do up her buttons. She says to me, “It’s only going to get worse, Celia.” She thinks that her increasing dependence on me to do things that she can no longer physically do, is causing me to be grumpy. She is so wrong.

My impatience is with her vanity, and her nitpickiness at the age of 95 and a half.  We spent precious minutes while she decided which winter coat was going to look better, which scarf was going to go with said winter coat, which pair of black leather gloves best suited coat and scarf. We wasted more time while she looked for a comb so that, when her head came off the dentist’s chair, she would be able to comb the flat spot that the headrest would create. Who worries about that??  Who doesn’t just run their fingers through their hair? At the very end of my patience, after I had put the blue sweater under her blouse collar, she decided that this time, she wanted the sweater over top of the collar. Arghhh!!!

I realize as I age that life passes by faster and faster. Holidays seem closer together, and past holidays blend together, memories vivid but years unclear.  It can be rather frightening when you think about it, and it personally makes me want to cram as much in my life as possible.  Time is a crazy thing.

Which is why learning is so important.

I feel that learning something new every  day keeps a person young. Being informed of surroundings, happenings, and even history of the past brings life’s highlights to, at times,  dull surroundings.  Learning even paves the future for generations ahead, for by making yourself more open-minded and educated, you create a ripple effect.

Stay open-minded, young, and creative. Live life to the fullest.

Try to learn at least one new thing everday.

Last week, I wrote about the programme in general and my thoughts after watching the first in the two-part series presented and put together by Gerry Robinson which explores care homes and how they can be improved.

In the meantime, the Guardian has published an article on their ‘Joe Public’ blog highlighting some of the negatives about the programme and its aim stating that, for all Gerry’s good intentions

the programme undermines itself through glib responses and cheap-shot TV documentary trickery. Gerry’s saintly interventions with residents are contrasted with portraits of indifferent, surly staff and a collage of shots of a favoured home suggests wildly unrealistic levels of staff and activities.

More seriously there is a disingenuous failure to acknowledge basic truths about the relationship between care costs and quality. The ambush and skewering of a breathtakingly stupid general nurse in temporary charge of a home and telegenic shots of the suffering there are frankly exploitative.

Perhaps I’m viewing it through different eyes and I can understand an accusion of exploitation. I recognised a reality in the programme that needs to be more widely seen. I don’t think all the staff, even those in some of the worse homes, were presented as surly or indifferent. I think what did come across that there is little funding in the sector and a drive for profits at the expense of good staffing ratios.

Partly, this is due to the costs of staffing and this was highlighted in the programmes. Private sector, profit-making companies have little incentive to up staff ratios if no demands are made of them.

The other element that was highlighted was the poor inspection regime – the best way to improve quality of care is to improve motivation and numbers of staff. Good quality staff are happy staff. Staff who are pushed to the limits cannot provide any quality interaction when they are running between one person and another attending solely to personal care with no time for the interactions to have much quality to them. Staff don’t want to work like that. They want to engage and have a job beyond washing and changing. Interaction makes a job more interesting and exciting.

Often it is about time – and time is precious. The relationship between care costs and quality IS crucial. If pressures are placed on the funding for residential care, quality will suffer. When local authorities are forced to drive down prices again and again, the quality will be felt in a real sense.

I can see how we, in the care sector, can draw up our shutters and talk about impossibilies. There is only a question of money. And that is the issue that needs to be addressed.

As long as the government talk about saving money by keeping people at home for longer, there has to be an understanding and acceptance that for some people with some needs, residential and nursing care is the answer and it can’t be ignored or pushed to the sidelines because more can and must be done to support those who are the among the most vulnerable and who do need 24 hour care environments. Sometimes costs can’t be cut.

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done you’ll have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt.”

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “Gosh, I remember these!”

SMILE, You’ve still got your sense of humor, RIGHT?