Whatever Jeffrey and I shared, it kept going for a few months (on and off, of course).

I wasn’t thinking about what to expect or even hope for it. I took it as it came because other situations had taken priority.

The divorce was about to be finalized and one of the agreements was that I would move out of the residence. That meant I would loose the home I worked so hard to build, and downsize my existence into a smaller place.

On top of that, the lease on my vehicle was about to expire and my job was on the line.

The time was coming close for me to face the world on my own, and I was utterly scared.

And, like it happens in life, may it be good or bad things, when they come, they do in multiples.

I was working on the computer when Jeffrey sent me a text message: ‘I can’t keep doing this any longer. It’s not fair for anyone.’  I felt as if someone had just stabbed me on my heart.

The thing I had dreaded the most happened. He was walking out of my life. And the thing I shouldn’t have done, also happened. I had fallen for him.

I knew his departure would eventually happen, but did it have to be now?

All I thought I could do was to call him. He had mentioned he was going home for a couple of weeks, so at least I wanted to give closure to this.

“So I guess she found out about it, right?” asked I.

“Yes, which have made matters worse.”

“Is she going with you?”

“No way! I need to take care of some family matters and need to be alone to figure things out.”

I took a quick pause before continuing. “I never expected anything from you, you know that.”

“I know,” said he. His tone of voice lowered and I could tell he was looking for a way to end the conversation. “Hmm, I’m leaving tomorrow and need to get everything ready.”

“I understand… I know you get uncomfortable when I’ve said that I care about you and wish only the best for you. Please take care of yourself, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

I believe Jeff got emotional when he said good-bye. I surely did. I sat there with my face sunk between my hands crying miserably.

I was crying, alone, with no one to give me comfort. I had lost so much already, and now this?

What’s next in line for me?

I haven’t seen a movie in a while.  There were several I wanted to see this year but I didn’t get to.  I don’t go to the movie theater alone so if there is no one to go with me, I don’t go.  Some years I don’t go at all.  This year I was lucky to go twice; once when my sister was in town (we saw My Sister’s Keeper) and once when my niece and nephew were here (we saw The Proposal).  I wanted to see Julie & Julia and The Time Traveler’s Wife and more recently, Where the Wild Things Are (because I remember reading the book to my kids over and over and over again).  No luck.  No one to go with.

The one and only time I have gone by myself was many years ago when the movie, Ransom (1996) was showing.  I had seen previews and it had been recommended by friends but I didn’t have anyone to go with and I had three kids at home so it would have been difficult to go without them.  One night, when they were at their father’s for their Wednesday night sleep over, I decided to go to see the movie.  My thinking was that if I went on a Wednesday, there would be fewer people there and I could easily find a seat without having to sit next to strangers.  So I found the theater that was showing it for a late night show and prepared to go.

Preparing to go involved taking my own snacks in a huge purse.  I knew the theater did not allow outside food or drink but I wasn’t going to pay the exorbitant price of the ticket and snack and beverage so I packed some M&M (my downfall), Sour Patch Kids, and a can of Diet Coke.  I should have gotten a plastic bottle but those were more expensive so I grabbed a can out of my fridge before I left.  I was careful not to put it in my purse too soon so it wouldn’t get jostled so it would not squirt all over when I opened it inside the theater.  So once in the door, I headed for the theater where it was screening and found a seat in the last row.  I sat there all alone.  There were probably only 20 people in the theater that night and they all chose to sit in the front half of the room.  I sat in the back and waited for the lights to go out before I took out my snacks and my soda can.

Previews went on and on and were finally over.  I reached in my purse and got ready to pull the tab off the can of soda but I waited with my hand on the pull tab until the music was really loud, figuring no one would hear me.  It worked.  No one was aware of me opening my Diet Coke.  I set the can in the drink holder and enjoyed the movie and my smuggled candy.  Then, when there was a particularly quiet and tense scene, I reached for my can of Diet Coke and somehow I knocked it out of the drink holder and it fell on the floor.  Not only did it make a huge noise as it fell on the floor, it also made loud noises as it rolled all the way down to the front (and bottom) of the theater from the very last (and top) row where I was sitting.  Everyone heard it.   Everyone turned to look and I was the only person sitting back there!

I usually wait until all the credits run before I leave the theater but that night, as soon as I was sure it was over, and even before the credits began to roll, I popped out of my seat and headed for the exit!

That was the first and only time I ever went to the theater alone.

Dear artist,

I think I have some explaining to do. I’m not trying to defend myself or my (re)actions, I’m only trying to explain their background. With the distance between us, there is a lot of opportunity for misunderstandings, miscommunications and doubt to come into existence. It’s up to us to make sure there is no space for them, no matter how many miles apart we are.

You see, I’m an explorer. I love living in different places, countries, continents. A year here, a year there, that’s how I live my life. And I love it. Travelling, discovering new grounds, makes me happy. You know that already, it’s how we met. However, as a traveller, I’m on my own mostly. Meeting new people wherever I go is fairly easy, but for new acquaintaces to become friends takes time. I normally don’t stay in one place long enough for close friendships to develop. Sure, there are many people I’ve stayed in touch with over the past years, but when you’re so far apart, you share the big picture, not the bits and pieces that make up your daily life.

What I’m trying to say is that, being a nomad, I don’t have a social support system consisting of family and close friends at hand. When I’m feeling blue, there’s nobody to give me a hug. When I’m down with the flu, there’s nobody to pamper me with a cup of hot tea. When I come home from work, there’s no big pot of soup on the stove, unless I make it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I know being on my own is a consequence of my choice to explore the world. But this is the reality. Receiving support via phone calls and emails is wonderful, but it’s simply not the same as real life support.

I’m not perfect. Far from it. I have many, many flaws, some of which I may not even be aware of myself yet. When I feel vulnerable, I tend to build a wall around me. I don’t want to feel weak, so I try to keep out the pain that may be lurking out there, just in case. At the same time, I hope that someone will break down the barrier that I put up, or at least try to. Other people may perceive me as being angry and cold and rigid at those moments, while in fact I’m only trying to protect myself. Because the thing is, if I don’t hold it together, then who will pick up the pieces for me?

It’s not the best way to deal with difficulties, I know. I’m in the middle of breaking this habit, like the wall around me, brick by brick. It takes time, but I will get there. I promise. Just bear with me, please?

Since this was so Popular with everyone at work today… here is the Recipe!

Fool’s Toffee

Difficulty = EASY!!!!!!!!

Preheat oven to 375

1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1 cup dark brown sugar
36 saltines
1 pkg chocolate chips
½ cup of chopped nuts (almonds, pecans or walnuts)

Put the butter and the brown sugar in a small saucepan and melt over medium high heat. Stir until combined and boiling. Boil for 4 minutes.

Line a cookie sheet (one with sides) with foil. Butter/grease/spray the foil. Arrange the saltines in a single layer to cover the sheet.

Pour butter/sugar mix over the crackers and spread to cover.

Bake for five minutes.

Sprinkle chocolate chips over the pan. Let sit for five minutes. Spread evenly over the pan. Sprinkle nuts over the top. Refrigerate or freeze or let sit until chocolate is set. Break into pieces. Store in a container in the refrigerator.

I have been busy these last couple of weekends. I managed to spend one day sewing making:
Christmas pillow out of Penguin Flannel (my new favorite nap pillow)

Tote Bag for Library Books

Patched My wall and Put up the New Mirrors in My Bedroom

Did another Pillow to Match the Polka Dot + Brown and Blue Theme in my bedroom

Finally finished the Knitted Bunny for a Friend (baby shower gift)

Made a Tunic (be nice not the most flattering photo)

Plus shampooed My Carpets and Rearranged my furniture (sorry No photo for this one)
As well as made several Jewelry Pieces for Christmas gifts (no photos for obvious reasons)

So forgive me for disappearing for a while… but as you can see, I managed to find a lot of fill my time!

soooooo…

My family might be coming to see me for Christmas.

Let’s back up here.

I’m the oldest of four.  We’re spaced out over 10 years, so when I “grew up” the others were still a ways behind.  After I graduated high school, I turned 18 in June, and two months later left my home.  Kinda for good.  I went to university in a city two hours away, and while I came back to visit every month (if not more), I never really lived at home again.  I supposed it helped that my family expanded with something of a relieved sigh into the space I vacated, due to the fact that we lived in a tiny house and there weren’t enough rooms to fit everyone until I was gone.

I love my family.  But I love them much more (and much better) now that I do not actually live with them.  Or see them, all that often.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder, all that.

I’m a good daughter; I talk to my parents about once a week, my sisters and I are on a very close texting relationship, and my “little” brother, when he thinks of it, responds to me occasionally.  I love them lots.  I miss them lots.

But.

Dear God in heaven.

My family might be coming to see me for Christmas.

When I was still in college, my dad’s work closed up shop and moved three states over.  My family went with him.  I said, “Hell no,” and stayed where I was.  I still had another year of school to finish for my teaching credential, and I’d gotten used to the whole quasi-adult, living-with-other-people-my-age, paying-rent-like-a-real-grown-up life.

[Plus I really, really did not want to live in That State.  It is made of hicks, you guys.  I went to visit for Christmas two years ago, and no matter where you go, they have steak with every meal!  Who does that??]

Anyway, I’ve missed them a lot, but I’m also very much used to living on my own.  Sure I have problems, and I still call my mom in a panic every month or so with a new dilemma, but I’ve grown into myself.

This summer, I had to move back to my hometown after I lost my job.  I’ve been living in my grandparents’ winter home.  It’s got two bedrooms, and a living room/kitchen area that is sized somewhere between the average smallish apartment or a (very very) tiny house.

There are going to be 8 people.  Squeezed into this place.  For a week.

Another funny thing about my family?  We need lots of space.

We spread ourselves across the country as soon as humanly possible.  I live in California, my family lives in Texas, my grandparents live in Colorado, my little sister went to university in Indiana, and my other little sister is looking at university in Virginia.  And with my luck, my little brother will want to go to Massachusetts or something to study.  (actually….)

It’s going to be a bloodbath.  I know it.  I can feel it in my bones.

AND.

Part of the reason they’re coming out here is to re-meet my boyfriend and his family.  The boyfriend and I grew up together, so I’ve known his family really well, but my family always steered clear of them (because his family has plenty of their own issues) and vice versa.  It is going to be horribly awkward.  His mom likes me well enough, but she can be difficult (your typical future mother-in-law) and I’m afraid of how she’ll interact with my family.

And oh yeah.  My favorite part.

My mother could win medals with her passive-aggression.

God have mercy on me.

Do all grown-ups have this kind of panic whenever their parents visit?  Why don’t they tell you these things about adulthood?

O diretor Kevin Tancharoen, que inclusive coreografou Me Against The Music para a turnê Onyx Hotel, da Britney Spears(!), dirige o remake de Fame de 1980. Eu não assisti o original, mas julgo ter sido melhor que esse remake, porque, né, gerou um remake.

O filme acompanha quatro anos na vida de alunos de uma escola de artes performáticas de Nova York. Vários clichês, começando com os atores de 20 interpretando adolescente de 17, passando pelo negro que deseja ser rapper mas a mãe que trabalha em “N” empregos para sustentar a família e não quer que o filho use seu talento. Tem também o talentoso cineasta que é enganado por um suposto produtor e perde o dinheiro do pai e a loira bonita que dança muito, se acha a melhor aluna da escola e já tem um destino traçado. São várias histórias contadas e nenhuma bem trabalhada. Além de ser notável que alguns atores seguram o talento para se encaixar no papel, bem como atores ruins que tentam ser bons para convencer a platéia. A sensação que dá é a de brincar com diversas peças de blocos de montar de várias marcas genéricas. Elas não se encaixam perfeitamente.

O filme não é de todo ruim, a parte musical é muito boa. Fiquei arrepiado com Denise (Naturi Naughton) cantando On My Own, de Nikka Costa. A história desse personagem é muito mal contada. Ela é empurrada pela família a se tornar uma pianista clássica, porém nunca tentou fazer outra coisa. Do nada ela descobre que canta excepcionalmente bem. Seu pai não permite que ela se dedique a novas experiências, mas quando eles a ouvem cantar a mãe se intromete (a melhor cena do filme,  até rola um talk to the hand!)e permite que ela se dedique a fazer aquilo que ela quiser. É tudo muito fácil e não desenvolvido. Uma pena.

Procurando bem no fundo o filme passa a mensagem comum de qualquer filme feito para adolescentes genéricos: “Busque o motivo de sua revolta e a transforme em força”, tem também aquele “Se permita outros caminhos” e “Não dê murro em ponta de faca”. Esse remake de Fama poderia ser um episódio genérico de High School Music. Tomara que não vire mais uma série de música, como foi o caso do filme original.

Speaking of Jarell Perry, he just dropped his first release today that I also have a little production on. I produced the intro track, which is a big deal to me because when Jarell Perry blows [||] I can go on YouTube and talk about how I made him. And maybe snatch his chain or something… anyways, Jarell is a talented dude. Don’t sleep on his skills. Stream the whole album below and download On My Own vol. 1.

Download “On My Own Vol. 1″

O diretor Kevin Tancharoen, que inclusive coreografou Me Against The Music para a turnê Onyx Hotel, da Britney Spears(!), dirige o remake de Fame de 1980. Eu não assisti o original, mas julgo ter sido melhor que esse remake, porque, né, gerou um remake.

O filme acompanha quatro anos na vida de alunos de uma escola de artes performáticas de Nova York. Vários clichês, começando com os atores de 20 interpretando adolescente de 17, passando pelo negro que deseja ser rapper mas a mãe que trabalha em “N” empregos para sustentar a família e não quer que o filho use seu talento. Tem também o talentoso cineasta que é enganado por um suposto produtor e perde o dinheiro do pai e a loira bonita que dança muito, se acha a melhor aluna da escola e já tem um destino traçado. São várias histórias contadas e nenhuma bem trabalhada. Além de ser notável que alguns atores seguram o talento para se encaixar no papel, bem como atores ruins que tentam ser bons para convencer a platéia. A sensação que dá é a de brincar com diversas peças de blocos de montar de várias marcas genéricas. Elas não se encaixam perfeitamente.

O filme não é de todo ruim, a parte musical é muito boa. Fiquei arrepiado com Denise (Naturi Naughton) cantando On My Own, de Nikka Costa. A história desse personagem é muito mal contada. Ela é empurrada pela família a se tornar uma pianista clássica, porém nunca tentou fazer outra coisa. Do nada ela descobre que canta excepcionalmente bem. Seu pai não permite que ela se dedique a novas experiências, mas quando eles a ouvem cantar a mãe se intromete (a melhor cena do filme,  até rola um talk to the hand!)e permite que ela se dedique a fazer aquilo que ela quiser. É tudo muito fácil e não desenvolvido. Uma pena.

Procurando bem no fundo o filme passa a mensagem comum de qualquer filme feito para adolescentes genéricos: “Busque o motivo de sua revolta e a transforme em força”, tem também aquele “Se permita outros caminhos” e “Não dê murro em ponta de faca”. Esse remake de Fama poderia ser um episódio genérico de High School Music. Tomara que não vire mais uma série de música, como foi o caso do filme original.

Get a free Just Surrender track, the acoustic version of “Burning Up”, by signing up to their mailing list here.

On top of that you can listen to their new song “On My Own” on their myspace here.

Sorry guys its beena crazy couple of weeks! Anyways, last week we had over 2 feet of snow at my house and then this week is the Denver Confernce! I’ll try to have Photos as soon as I can, but until then, check out the NASA image of the Colorado Snow storm!

I’m 23, semi-fresh out of the cellophane packaging of college, careening towards the middle of the second year of me making it on my own.
“making it” and “own” being relative terms. I spent the past year droning excitably at a desk job, cranking out paperwork and the occasional graphic for my bosses and sucking on the toes of brown nosing as I tried to chisel out a place for myself in the Big City. I managed, for the year, to pay my own bills, manage my own insurance woes, buy my own groceries, cook my own meals (not always balanced…), clean and transport myself around to various places via buses and trains.
And then that job ended and I found myself attached.. no, addicted, to the city that I somehow found myself ambiently floating in, a comfortable raft of experiences and adulthood- independence at it’s finest.

Now I’m working an hourly that shaves down my hours on a weekly basis and struggling to even meet the most basic of my needs, financially.
One of my least favorite things is to log on to my e-bank site and check my standing balances.

So far, I’ve managed to deplete my savings account at least three times, tie a concrete block to my checking account and rack up holy hell on my credit card (a feat I swore I’d never stoop to).

I’m your typical 23-year-old, keeping a head above the water and asking how the hell this is going to end.
So far, my only goal right now is to make it out alive.

Artist: Dario Zack ft. Star Child
Song: My Baby (Extended)
Extended Version

Artist: Peter Luts & Batso
Song: On my own
Radio Edit

Nu dragii mei chiar am idei, doar ca nu prea am chef !

Copyrighted by the owner of this blog (anduuuu). If you got any problem with content that you think was stolen/copied email the owner. Everything in this post is 100% written by the owner of this blog (anduuuu) anything that proves to be stolen will be deleted or credits will be added. This is written so that you know that all the content on this blog is 100% original so if you doubt it, I just don’t care! Take care, drive safely and share the blog with your friends.

Lea Michele

Courtesy of AfterElton.com Lea Michele from Glee performs “On My Own” at HRC National Dinner ( Jerame Davis).

Three Days Grace sau 3DG după cum obişnuieşte să îi prescurteze majoritatea populaţiei cunoscătoare, se trag din ţara mamă a siropului de arţar. S-au adunat în ‘92 şi s-au despărţit în 1995 urmând să se reunească în ‘97. Pe scurt, Three Days Grace e o trupă de rock alternativ, care recent, şi când spun recent mă refer în ultimii ani, au avut un succes considerabil. Împătimiţii muzicii de calitate, care nu au auzit de ei, mai mult ca sigur au ascultat piesa “I don’t care” a trupei Apocalyptica, piesă realizată cu solistul trupei Three Days Grace.

Primul lucru pe care majoritatea ascultătorilor îl remarcă la Three Days Grace, să zicem, la o primă audiţie, e vocea frontmanului trupei, Adam Gontier, care se ocupă de voce şi de ritmurile şi armoniile de chitară. Din câte am adunat de pe reţea, Adam cântă în trupe de la vârsta de 12 ani, deci experienţa e inevitabilă, atât de vocalist, cât şi de writer. A fost o perioadă în care a fost la rehab, lucru care a pus în pericol existenţa trupei. Cu toate astea, în timpul în care a stat la reabilitare, Adam a scris versurile pentru al 2-lea album al trupei.  Vocea nu este tocmai ce se găseşte pe la toate trupele, ieşind în evidenţă mai ales prin faptul că schimbarea de la melodic la scream e făcută foarte bine, aparent uşor. Alternanţa respectivă permite mai multă flexibilitate pieselor, iar ca rezultat al acestui lucru, şi al talentului lui Adam de a scrie şi compune piesele, calitatea trupei creşte remarcabil.

Feelingul sau efectul  asupra ascultatorului se schimbă de la o piesă la alta şi de la un album la altul. Pe o parte sunt piese care inspiră singurătate şi melancolie, pe de altă parte sunt piese care te entuziasmează. Drept urmare subiectele pieselor sunt pe mai multe categorii, de la dragoste la dorinţa pentru ceva mai bun. În special al doilea album al trupei, numit “One-X”, se remarcă prin versurile pieselor, versuri cu o aură oarecum întunecată. Aceste versuri le poţi simţi cel mai bine atunci când treci prin o perioada grea a vieţii. Acest lucru nu e de mirare, având în vedere că versurile au fost scrise de solist în timpul şederii la reabilitare.

Un bun exemplu al versurilor din al doilea album, este piesa “Never Too Late“. Piesa vorbeşte pentru sine în cea mai mare parte. Pe scurt, piesa se adresează celor care vor să renunţe să lupte a.k.a. sinucidere. Deşi versurile sunt oarecum optimiste, sau tind spre un scop optimist, piesa are o atmosferă tristă incontestabilă. O altă piesă ar fi “Gone Forever“. Aş putea chiar zice că e piesa mea preferată de la Three Days Grace. Versurile piesei sunt despre o despărţire destul de dură, iar el încearcă să se convingă că ea nu îi lipseşte. Ceea ce mă atrage atât de mult la versuri, e conflictul interior pe care el îl are cu sinele.

În total, trupa a scos pe piaţă trei albume. Primul album, din 2003, e self-titled. Ca exemple, dintre cele mai bune piese de pe album, ar fi “I Hate Everything About You“, “Home“, “Let You Down” şi ” Now or Never “.

Al doilea album pe care l-a lansat trupa, menţionat anterior, se numeşte “One-X”, din 2006. Ei bine, nu pot decât să recomand absolut tot albumul. Fiecare piesă e extrem de specială în felul ei. Cel mai mult ies în evidenţă câteva piese, cum ar fi “Pain“, “Riot“, “Animal I Have Become“, “Running Away” sau “On my Own“.

Al treilea album, din 2009, intitulat “Life Starts Now”, a ieşit pe piaţă de curând, mai precis pe 22 Septembrie. Piesele pe care le recomand ar fi “World so Cold“, “Life Starts Now” şi “The Good Life“.

Membrii trupei:

Adam Gontier – Voce, chitară ritm, songwriter

Brad Walst – Chitară bass, backing vocals

Neil Sanderson – tobe, clape, backing vocals

Barry Stock – Chitară

În concluzie, Three Days Grace e o trupă prea puţin apreciată având în vedere calitatea pieselor, care e determinată atât de versuri excepţionale cât şi de instrumentale şi vocaluri de calitate. Recomand 3DG tuturor iubitorilor de muzică “adevărată” cum se zice în vocabularul colocvial a populaţiei.

Pagina oficială Three Days Grace

Pagina de MySpace a trupei

Audiţie plăcută şi… stay tuned!!!