New HP webcam ‘face-tracking’ feature ignores ‘blacks’

A 76 yr old man has been shot dead in a hail of police bullets at a Day Center for the Elderly.

Police were called to the ‘Pride and Joy’ adult day care center in Edinburg, Texas after reports that Septuagenarian Jose Malino had shot another attendee at the center – 78yr old Eugenio De Los Santos.

Apparently both men shared a romantic interest in one of the nurses and Malino was incensed that De Los Santos (so he thought) had paid the nurse $50 in return for sexual favours.

The nurse in question has denied any relationship or sexual favours offered to either man – although admitting some of her co-workers were making a bit of pin money by providing ‘extra services’ for cash

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a little bit off, sir ?

The injured barbers were rushed to hospital

However, while it was a close shave, neither is expected to dye

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This is a funny and sad story.

The image is funny a 4yr boy walking drunk down the street at 2 am, wearing a girl dress he stole from the neighbors Christmas tree… Yeah, that part sounds funny, The sad part we was running away and wanting to go to jail to see his day, who is in jail… That part very very sad.

I have said it before, some people shouldn’t have kids… This is the prime example. The mother is now 21 making her about 17 when she had the boy… ew… Looking at her and listening to the way she talks… I feel like her “house/trailer/pre-fab” smells of marlboro lights and stale doritos. Child Services!

Drunk 4-Year-Old Hayden Wright Steals Christmas Gifts, Drinks Beer, Has Very Merry Xmas

“Drunk 4-year-old Hayden Wright made sure that Christmas came early this year!

Hayden got the beer out of a cooler behind the house. Wright said that all the doors to her house are child-proof but Hayden broke a mechanism on one of the doorknobs to get out.

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thanks Martha for the heads up

A Wisconsin teenager who stole his foster parent’s car and fled to Memphis with his 16 yr old girlfriend has been sentenced to 1yr in jail and 3yrs probation.

The judge also ruled that 19 yr old Jordan S. Christensen could not date any women during the next 3 years without getting permission first from his probation officer.

Jeez, no dating for 3 yrs without permission – that’s a bit of a bummer.

Hang on though, what was it the judge said?

‘ “no dating of the opposite sex without permission of your probation agent.“

Right, so girls are out – but that still leaves boys !!!

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Is it Art ?

It might be the season to be jolly but folks are not feeling particularly jolly towards neighbour Ron Lake.

Mr Lake thinks Xmas has become too commercialised – too much emphasis on Santa and pressies, and not much attention paid to Jesus. Citing his constitutional right to ‘freedom of expression’ he has created a little tableau depicting a dead Santa on the ground with a shotgun-toting ‘Jesus’ standing over him.

The neighbours are upset about his display, particularly the effect it will have on little kids passing by and are petitioning to have him remove it.

Mr Lake sees his display as an expression of his repressed creativity.

Hhmm, I don’t know if it’s ‘art’ but I like it !!!

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They say a dog is a Man’s Best Friend.

Well, our 4-legged buddy has a new trick up his sleeve round his neck to please us.

Girls, if you are looking for a last-minute Xmas gift for the man in your life, slip a Bark4Beer into his stocking.

He, and his dog, will love this new collar fitted with a nifty wee retractable bottle opener

A 4yr old boy in Chattanooga went walkabout in the middle of the night.

He snuck out of his Mom’s house and in to a neighbours house down the street – where he opened the pressies under their Xmas tree and helped himself to those he liked

When his Mum realised he was missing, she called the cops.

They found the toddler at the bottom of the street – wearing a dress and drinking a bottle of beer

Hhmm, wonder who’s side of the family he takes after ???

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Quadriplegic Man Wins Right To Hunt With Mouth-Operated Shotgun

I don’t know what to say… I guess it’s good, but I guess I would have gone for other things if I was in this place… Like stem cell research, so he might walk again… But to each his own.

“A quadriplegic US hunter has won the right to use a 12-gauge shotgun which he operates with a breathing tube. Jamie Cap, 46, was injured in an accident 30 years ago while playing American football. A head-on tackle resulted in a neck injury that left him a quadriplegic and robbed him of hunting, one of his passions.

He fired his first shot in three decades last week, describing the experience as priceless.”

Read More…

Town Planners in West Bend, Wisconsin didn’t quite think this one through.

I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time – replace the current incandescent traffic lights with new LED ones that use less energy (thereby doing their bit for the environment) and with an estimated cost saving of $100 a month at each of the 24 traffic intersections where they were introduced that meant a tidy $28,800 extra cash a year to spend elsewhere.

The flaw in this plan became evident with the first heavy fall of snow. Whereas the traditional incandescent lights generated enough heat to melt the falling snow and prevent it sticking to the lights and their hoods, the LED lights generate very little heat – as a result, the build up of snow on the lights made it difficult for motorists to see them.

The LED light problem has already led to a crash at one intersection. In response, four, two-person crews spent Friday using make-shift scrapers to clear the LED lights of the snow.

Hhmm, presumably this manual clearing of snow from the lights will be repeated as and when needed. So much for that $28,800 a year saving !!!

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pic by Beth Hall, AP / August 2, 2007

And Michelle and Jim Bob Dugger heard the word of God and did go forth and begin multiplying.

They’ve got a way to go yet before they ‘fill the earth’ but they’re working on it !!!

Thursday evening Michelle was delivered of a little girl, Josie Brooklyn, weighing one pound, six ounces by an emergency C-Section – bringing the number of little Duggers to 19.

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“Feed the birds,” that’s what she cries,
While overhead, her birds fill the skies.

A modern-day Mary Poppins in USA has been given the bird by her neighbours for doing just that

Marie Ripley has been putting out ground beef and chicken breast (you hear that, Frank?) to feed the local vultures. Now around 60 of the freaking things have moved into the area – hanging around in gangs on treetops and roofs, squawking and shitting all over the place.

Ms Ripley’s neighbours are NOT amused !!!

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O.K. This is the ’story’

Man finds food is vanishing from his kitchen. His live-in girlfriend says she’s not eating it. So he decides to secretly set up a video cam in the kitchen to catch her out.

Only – what he captures on film is another woman entirely. Apparently she has been living secretly in a storage space in his flat for 3-4 weeks, coming down at night to raid his fridge and piss in his sink

Yeah, right – pull the other one

Anyways watch the vid and form your own opinion

There seems to be a growing list of folk coming forward claiming to have had an affair with Tiger Woods.

Difficult at this stage to judge how many of these genuinely had a fling with Woods and how many (if any) are just sensing an opportunity to grab their 15 minutes of fame and/or a bit of extra cash – a financial payout (from Woods ‘people’) to keep their mouth shut or a substantial fee (from various media outlets) to tell all.

Being an auld cynic, however, I have to be suspicious that the latest person claiming to have had an affair with Tiger is purely out to extract as much cash from the situation as possible

Click here . . .

Breaking News -

At 2.36 this morning an Emergency call was made from Tiger wood’s house.

A woman was later taken from there in an ambulance and transported to the same hospital Tiger himself was taken to a few days ago.

The woman’s identity is not yet known

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A man speaking on his cell phone while driving crashes his car into another. The driver of the other car (a woman) dies as a result of the accident. Who is responsible for her death?

a. The driver speaking on his cell phone

b. The manufacturer of the cell phone

c. The cell phone service provider

Linda Doyle, 61, died on Sep 3rd, 2008, when her car was struck in Oklahoma City by a pickup driven by 20 yr old Christopher Hill – who was speaking on his cell phone at the time of the accident.

Mrs Doyle’s daughter, Jennifer Smith is now suing Samsung, the makers of Mr Hill’s cellphone, and Sprint Nextel who provided his wireless service, holding them responsible, in part, for her mother’s death because

“the companies should have foreseen the dangers (of people being distracted using their cell phones while driving) and that they failed to provide adequate warnings”

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The ladies will recognise this fiendish piece of metal instantly.

Guys – looking for something special to give the woman in your life for Xmas?

Want to give her a gift she will really appreciate? Something she will be sure to remember in years to come?

CBS is running a campaign encouraging guys to give their woman the gift of a pap smear this Xmas – under the slogan-

‘Give her the gift even Santa can’t deliver’

A word of advice, Guys -

Don’t Do It !!!

For Gawds sake, buy her a box of chocs or a packet of fags but for fucks sake ignore this asinine advice from CBS

Trust me on this – she won’t like it (or you) if you give her this for xmas

Billy Dean Riley was shot dead by a female householder as he tried to break into her house. The woman was woken by her dog barking and called 911 to report an intruder. The transcript of her call has been released (see below)

Now a few things strike me as odd about this incident – which is why I am asking the question ‘What would you have done?’ if you had been in this lady’s situation.

For a start, intruders generally try not to make much noise when attempting to break in to a house. Yet Billy Dean Riley was making a helluva racket – almost like he was trying to wake someone inside to let him in?

The lady householder believed him to be drunk

In part of her conversation with the 911 operator she says Riley broke into her garage. She also says -
“He doesn’t know where his pickup’s at”

Now I don’t claim to be Sherlock Holmes but this all suggest that Riley was drunk as a skunk, got confused, ended up at wrong house, couldn’t open door with his key, kicked, battered door trying to attract attention of someone (wife/girlfriend?) inside to let him in. Went into the garage, didn’t see his pickup. Still thinking he was at his own house, thought his car had been stolen or he had left it somewhere?

Just my interpretation – not saying it’s right – and have to remember Lady was frightened. But still . . . .

So if you were in her shoes would you have shot Billy Dean Riley?

TRANSCRIPT OF 911 CALL

RESIDENT – “Oh crap he’s coming around the front…”

911 – “Is your front door locked?”

RESIDENT – “Yes ma’am but it’s only got a lock on the handle.”

911 – “Okay, do you have a place inside your house and lock yourself in a room?”

RESIDENT – “Uh, not really.”

911 – “He’s trying to come through the front door.”

RESIDENT – “i’ve got a big shotgun. I’m not going into a tiny bathroom…”

RESIDENT – “He’s walking around the house trying to find a way in…”

RESIDENT – “Oh crap, he’s at the back…”

911 – “Okay , (unintelligible) is advising that you can defend your property if you need to.”

RESIDENT – “Alright he’s at the garage.”

911 – “He’s at the garage? Is it attached to your house?”

RESIDENT – “Nope, he’s at the patio door again.”

911 – “I can hear him banging again.”

RESIDENT – “I don’t want to have to kill this man, but i’ll kill him graveyard dead ma’am.”

911 – “I understand.”

RESIDENT – “Alright.”

RESIDENT – Oh crap he’s breaking in. he’s breaking in now, he’s breaking in now. He’s breaking the window, i’m going to kill him. He’s walking back and forth on the porch. He looks to be an older man, I don’t want to kill him. He’s kicking the door please hurry. He’s going to make it in please hurry ma’am. I think he’s drunk . He doesn’t know where his pickup’s at. God I don’t want to kill this man.”

RESIDENT – “I cant keep this gun and keep on the phone darling, it’s a big shotgun, it will break my arm. As soon as you tell me they’re here im taking the safety, uh.. Im putting the safety back on this sucker.”

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Robert Degen, one of two men (the other being Larry LaPrise) credited as the author of The Hokey Cokey has died, aged 104.

In 1956 Mr Degen filed a lawsuit against LaPrise and several record companies and music publishers citing infringement of copyright and seeking ‘damages’ and ‘royalties’ for the song ‘Hokey Cokey’.

In the end the case was settled out of court – Degen and LaPrise sharing authorship of the song and resultant royalties.

Mr Degen leaves his wife, Vivian, and two sons – William and Robert

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Psst, hope the funeral goes O.K. and they don’t have any trouble getting the body into the coffin !!!

‘They put the left leg in . . .’

Not saying Dana’s a sad f*cker or anything but . . .

P.S. wonder if he updated his facebook status while consummating his marriage ?

A Texas man who smacked his sister in the face with a pecan pie during a Thanksgiving Dinner at their parents house is facing jail on an ‘aggravated assault charge.

The siblings started arguing during the meal. An attempt by their mother to get them to ‘cool’ it failed and the brother thrust a peace of Pecan pie he had just removed from the microwave into his sisters face.

Sister went to hospital for treatment to the burns to her face and police were called.

Hitting your sister in the face with a pie is no laughing matter in Texas. It counts as ‘domestic violence’ and though the sister has tried to stop her brother being charged, under Texas Law all cases of ‘domestic violence’ are prosecuted

“One thing that gets lost in a story like this, beyond the humor of someone getting hit in the face with a pie, is that this is an issue of family violence,” Sheriff’s Officer Ray Tuttoilmondo said. “This is the type of thing that law enforcement takes seriously.”

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Here’s a simple quiz

There’s only one question.

It’s multiple choice and to make things easier there’s only two options to choose from

I’ve even thrown in some pics to help you decide

Qu. You are a a couple of thieves planning to steal some money. Do you -

a. break into a Bank

b. break into a funeral home

1n 1996, a driver hit and killed an elderly lady as she crossed the road.

In 2009, Angelo Vacca Jr. – the killer driver in 1996 – was himself hit by a car and killed as he crossed the road.

(Now do you believe in Karma !!!)

Police are said to be investigating the crash that killed Vacca

Hhmm, suppose they’ve got to check the possibility the driver isn’t related to the elderly lady Vacca ran over in 1996

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there’s 27-year-old Jason Zacchi


Here’s the thing.

If you’re strapped for cash and plan to make an unauthorised withdrawal from a local restaurant – don’t pick the one where your mum works !!!

Or at the very least – wait till it’s her night off before you point a shotgun at staff and threaten to shoot unless they hand over some money.

Jason ‘dumbass’ Zacchi ignored this elementary precaution – to his cost.

When he tried to rob the local Wendy restaurant where his mum is the Manager, she recognised him despite the blue bandana covering his face and turned him in to the cops

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Jeez, some folk shouldn’t be let out on their own !!!