I was having dinner at a table for four, my father and his curly-haired girlfriend opposite me in the booth and a guy by my side.  He might have been a new love interest or just an interesting friend.  As they finished up their desserts, my dad went off to the loo and his girlfriend stood up and put her coat on, despite the fact that I still had a whole book of ice cream in front of me.   Each page was a different flavour, slabs of ice cream, somehow staying perfectly in place, yet easily eatable with a spoon.  There was a reference list somewhere, to help me flick through the delicious book of twenty odd sophisticated flavours to find my next scoop.  I tucked into the almond page and discussed the amaretto page with my dad’s girlfriend whilst she waited for his return.  She seemed Italian to me – something about her warm personality and passionate, involved communication style.  It was only ice-cream, but it felt like a really good conversation.

I remember there was a plan to eat something else.  It had something to do with the toilet, which meant my sister – not my dad anymore – was going to have to clean one of the toilets really well before the eating began.  After an incredibly long wait, impatient to eat (despite having recently finished dinner), she came back having cleaned one of the toilets to perfection and promptly forgotten which one it was, so we couldn’t possibly eat it, or eat off it, or whatever the plan was supposed to be.

I was so frustrated and so hungry.  I could see giant pizzas of pineapple and thick cheese being handed out over on the other side of the restaurant and was desperate for one, but found myself whining and telling my company I couldn’t eat that crap because I was on a diet to detox my body.  I think that’s when I woke up and went to the loo and the whole thing made sense.

It’s interesting to me that my surface cravings are much tamer than my subconscious ones.  I wonder what that means.  Does it mean I’m suppressing cravings or that different bits of me are concerned about different things?  I don’t know – I’m just glad I was all worried about breaking my diet in my sleep when there was no possible chance of it happening.

As it turns out, I haven’t had any breakfast yet.  It just doesn’t feel necessary.  In my big diabetes chat with my mother a week ago, she said her guru told her not to eat breakfast if she’s not hungry, as our pancreas could use the time to recover and wouldn’t have been constantly busy digesting things back in the Stone Age.  Maintaining a full stomach isn’t my aim.

Although I struggle to eat well and have a tendency to occasionally throw health and fitness out the window in favour of doing exactly what I feel like with no trace of compromise to be found, I can see how far I’ve come.  Back in London, it really was all about staying full.  Hunger was an intolerable torture to be avoided at all costs and chocolate was an irresistible feature of every day.  I couldn’t stand not being totally on the ball and buzzing full of mental and physical energy, which I got in quick fixes any way I could in an effort to avoid ever feeling less than 100%.  Feeling fuzzy and not being able to get things done or not having an answer right off the top of my head was unacceptable.  I couldn’t bear the thought of being so disorganised as to not know what to do or say.  I couldn’t make mistakes.

The first time I had any success with dieting was a couple of years ago when my boyfriend helped me stay on track with healthy eating and exercise and avoid the awful foods I was craving.  For the first time in my life I felt all loose and mellow.  For the first time I wasn’t drunk or stoned, but didn’t really know what time it was or what needed doing.  I had to embrace this slower sleepier me as the normal junk-free me.  I had to understand that I had been a food junkie all those years and my incredible energy was borrowed from future me.  I had been all hyped up on coffee and sugar and it didn’t matter if I liked how I was that way – it wasn’t a long-term option and it was keeping my weight up.

Well, here I am again, getting back to those positive habits and making further changes.  I feel like I’m starting to take myself seriously as a person.  My body is important.  My mind is important.  I am important and that changes everything – it changes my responsibilities, because suddenly what other people need or want or think isn’t as important as what I need or want or think.  It can’t be.  There’s not enough space in the equation – one side must trump the other.  My freedom is important and that means freedom from living by other people’s rules, but more importantly, freedom from feeling oppressed by other people.  I have to have the confidence to know that it doesn’t matter if I mess up or upset people, it doesn’t matter if I embarrass myself or lose what I thought I had.  It’s all rubbish really.  It matters that I allow myself to have a good life and don’t hold myself to promises to please other people, because that stuff gives you Cancer.  I don’t mean to sound flippant and comic, because I believe it’s absolutely true.

Yesterday, I felt my body relax.  I can feel it again now…a tingling sensation, shivers down my spine, a hot and cold minty fresh warm and wonderful feeling that I’ve let something go and I’m allowing myself to be.  The thing about treating myself right is it doesn’t always mesh with society’s demands and I have often chosen to fit in rather than allow myself what I need.  I’m too tense, too punctual, too anal, too organised.  I check and double check and idiot check too much.  Being reliable and getting things right has been too important and my body is paying for that stress right now.  All the people who ever let me down by lying, leaving me hanging, showing up late, making and breaking promises; those people who infuriated me with their relaxed attitude to their commitments; they’re all forgiven, because I get it now.  You can’t sacrifice yourself for other people’s happiness and your happiness is never in the hands of someone else, so don’t pretend it is – that will never make it true.

I sat in front of the TV this morning watching a Joe Strummer documentary with headphones on to let Facu have his Sunday lie in.  He gets up early every other day of the week and then catches up with Sunday sleeping.  I can’t do it myself.  My body clock doesn’t like to be messed with – if I’m up early, I’m up early every day.  If not, then an early morning is an awesome challenge.  I couldn’t make my body lie still any longer.

Joe Strummer was an interesting character.   I’d never seen him before today and I was shocked at how much he reminded me of an ex-boyfriend.  I wonder if he modelled himself on Joe.  He was a charismatic rock guitarist who loved smoking and passionately talking shit, often talked in riddles, avoided confrontation and was really very selfish at the end of the day.  Still, if you bought into the weird stuff he said and the enigmatic delivery style, you could get lost in James and really enjoy the show.

Watching a documentary of someone’s life and death helps you get things into perspective.  I’ve been thinking a lot about this for a couple of days, this issue of the shit we worry about and the problems we struggle to avoid, ever since I heard this song…

Smoke Alarm – Carsie Blanton: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFMQ2yhz8Y4

You love righteousness and hate wickedness; Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You  With the oil of gladness more than Your companions – Psalm 45:7

Righteousness is the character or quality of being right or just.  It is uprightness before God.  It is something we practice.  Blessed is he who does righteousness at all times.  Righteousness delivers one from eternal death.  It is everlasting.  It leads to life.  In fact, the way of righeousness is life (Proverbs 12:28).  Righteousness exalts a nation (Proverbs 14:34) and it will bring peace.  We are to seek it.

In order to love righteousness, we must first be righteous.  What does it mean to be righteous?  It is to walk in integrity; desire justice for the innocent and oppressed.  It is to have regard for the lives and well being of others; to treat people with love, kindness and compassion.  “The righteous  consider the cause of the poor” (Proverbs 29:7).  The righteous shows mercy and gives (Psalm 37:21).  He or she is always merciful and lends (Psalm 37:26).

God loves the righteous and will not allow them to famish.  King David declared, “I have been young and now am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken nor his descendants begging bread (Psalm 37:25).  A righteous person and his or her family are blessed.

Like God we are to love righteousness and hate wickedness (Psalm 45:7).

The lecturer also shared the history of suburbia. Apparently, after WWII there was a rise in institutionally educated individuals due to free tuition; we all know that institutional education is a one-sided situation, so that’s one issue. But now that various movements were happening and other oppressed groups were demanding equality, there was backlash. Due to racial tensions, and other issues, White folks moved away from the city. It was instilled that the city was/is a dirty, noisy, dangerous, and diverse area. On the other hand, the suburbs were seen as safe, comfortable, spacious places to build a family. The suburbs were also known as areas where middle- and upper-class people moved to where the working-class would stay in the city. McDonald also mentioned how non-Eurocentric countries and communities are reversed. In these communities, the farther away from the city one is, the poorer they were. Unfortunately, I’m not making time to look further into the history, but this topic really piqued my interest.

One question I wonder is “Why choose to settle in the suburbs?”

Okay, I understand that there’s a certain amount of privacy (other than the gossiping and behind-curtain peeping), the suburbs can potentially promote a tighter-knit family unit (despite that fact that everyone has big rooms to themselves and have all types of entertainment in their rooms to keep them entertained all day), and a spacious amount of land (sure, a pool and patio furniture is nice to have), but I still don’t get it. In my mind suburbia is uncomfortable, elitist, and conformist…

I don’t blame the kids that tire of the place and want to do something different – whether it means changing their clothing style from preppy to punk, or getting into MMORPGs where they can be anyone/anything they wish, or closing off and diving into their creative talents rather than following their peers to the mall (that is a 20-30 minute drive away)… Suburbia is just not for me. Repetition and conformity is held in moderation, but having to live it day in and day out? No thank you. I’d rather live in the diverse, sorta community-oriented, small living space, culturally variant hub of Toronto and chill with a group of QTPOCs (and allies) than try to be fake in suburbia.

I’m tired of typing suburbs and suburbia, so I’m going to close off with a question…

If you live in suburbia, what attracted you and what keeps you there?

Humanity shall live in peace and harmony,
Leaving aside all the violence and agony.

One fine morning we all wake up to the chirping of birds,
Not with men carrying guns like a group of herds.

Let peace find its way…

Bloodsheds, violence, men of greed,
Is not for what have we breed,
It is not which our religions creed,
Let egoistic intentions be all freed.

Have we all not wanted a free world,
Yet we kill humans with blood cold,
Let us stop all this and try being bold,
And pray we all shall not our religion sold.

Let peace finds its way…

Agonies, sufferings, cries of innocents have filled the air,
Fate is sobbing and screaming at oppressed men it’s not fair.

In the land of innocence,
Men are ruling with arrogance.
One day they shall all diminish,
And an end to those all selfish.

Let peace find its way…

Many wake up, their eyes with dreams filled,
They die going to bed and bodies with blood filled.

Many innocent hands are raised for praying,
And we all know that HE is watching.

Innocence is being oppressed by arrogance.

Let peace find its way…

Men are fighting for their ego and borders,
They all have fallen in darkness and borders.

How brutal have become the humanity,
Selling peace labelled with violence and agony.

Deep in their hearts rooted with subtle arrogance,
And their intentions smell of slaughtering innocence.

May their intentions die, they all shall perish,
All kings and one day they all shall diminish.

Let peace find its way…

O man!!! Come down from greed and ego,
One day you all shall have to retire and go.

Pray that he saves all with innocent hearts and souls,
Show us the right path and shall forgive our fouls.

Let peace find its way…

I have asked myself, why do our government allow such misery for its people? Can’t it hear the cries of the oppressed natives in the mountains? I wonder if they ever listened to them at all. They accept investments, they build industries, they build roads, they supply the big companies’ needs but they never did it for the people living in those affected areas; as if those people never exist in there, in fact the natives whom the real owners of the land were the ones being sent away; being rubbed of lands by the government just to give way to the foreign insects.

In the beginning, the government never intended to help the poor, they were there to save their souls, to keep their businesses, to keep the lands that were not theirs, to keep on making laws that are beneficial to them, and they keep on inviting investors so they too can gain from it. All these are just for them and nothing for the poor. Though they can get jobs from the industries they put up, they paid the workers too but at the end of the day, one could still say that the workers have been deprived of their basic rights.

When can this end? When can people understand and see the real face of the government? How long will they allow the government to blind their eyes, illuminating the false image of developing country?  The Philippines is rich with resources it can provide the food of every Filipino in the table. But where are these resources went? Where are the ideal 3 meals a day for every individual? It all went all over the world, they made high-end products but they let the Filipinos get the “class c” resources.

Calling for change is a big step for us. Calling for the officials to help us would be a risk for us. Some people on the Left’s wanted change; people on the right will do any dirty jobs just to be on top. If the officials will continue oppressing the basic rights of the Filipinos, what will happen to them? I know the government knows the answer of this, they know everything that they twisted immoral things into righteousness.

Now is the time to open our eyes, and see who the real culprits are. Let us not allow anymore that they will mute us from our grievances. Know your rights. I have known mine, so I write this.

Against all odds in a male chauvinist world,
Suppressed, oppressed and sometimes even sold.
Does she silently bear it all,
Through the summer, the winter and the fall!

Her grit and determination never ceases to die,
Her strength of character and will power always stay close by.
In a society where she is at every step subjugated –
Beaten, molested, trafficked and even annihilated.
Her persona and importance still stands tall,
A fact recognized even by the mightiest of them all.

The son that she gestates for 9 long months,
Is hell bent on wiping off her presence from all the fronts.
Yet she loves and pampers and caresses him,
Herself staying hungry while filling him to the brim.

Oh Woman,
You might be from Venus as the famous scribes say,
But it is you, who have lent,
The sanctity and beauty to planet Earth.
With heart full of gratitude and folded hands,
I bow down in respect for all that you stand.

When you are hurting, be it physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual;
it can feel like you are under attack.
If the attack is long and brutal you may begin to feel weak and helpless, even hopeless.
This is when you need a safe place, a refuge from the storms of life. 

Somewhere with high strong walls that cannot be invaded by the enemy.
A fortress where you can hide;
a place to rest and be restored.

There is such a place and it is not far away.
It is as close as your heart.
You need only to whisper, Lord.
And the stronghold will surround you.

Are you feeling oppressed, under attack?
Do you know there is a fortress to protect you?

Blessings this day of grace,

]]> http://agabus7.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/blogging-through-the-prophets-offerings-smeared-with-dung/ Thu, 07 Mar 2013 12:15:17 +0000 agabus7 http://agabus7.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/blogging-through-the-prophets-offerings-smeared-with-dung/ Malachi 2
The Lord now chastised the priests for their poor teaching ministry. If they failed to uphold the Law and teach it properly, the Lord would curse them with troubles. Part of this curse involved punishment upon their offspring. Not only would they have fewer children but these children would continue the wicked practices of their fathers. Their inferior sacrifices were like dung. They did not cleanse from sin but rendered those making the offerings unclean and not worthy of being in God’s presence. The Lord’s intent was to purify the priests so God’s covenant with Levi could continue. Then they would speak the truth about the Lord and not lead people astray.

Mention here is made about injustice and indifference among brethren. People were behaving dishonestly and cheating their fellow Jews. Husbands were abandoning their wives for pagan women. All this was another form of their disregard for God’s covenant. Those who did such despicable things should not expect that their offerings and worship would have any affect on the Lord except to fill Him with disgust.

Again, we too cannot expect that our worship no matter how moving or lively or grand will honor the Lord if we are not walking in obedience to His will. If we are living selfishly and not attending to the needs of the poor and oppressed, we are not doing God’s will. This does not mean we should deprive ourselves or our families of basic necessities, but if we are honest a lot of our time and money goes toward leisure pursuits, parties and vacations. We feast while millions across the globe suffer from malnutrition and illnesses easily treated with proper sanitary and health care. If we ignore the plight of the poor, then our worship is merely a religious show that makes us look and feel holy and righteous.

There are professions that oppress more than others, especially that of stripping and prostitution. These occupations exploit women either indirectly by their consent or directly against their will. In these two jobs, there are two kinds of women; the oppressed and the one that over-comes being oppressed.

To begin with, the occupation of stripping indirectly oppresses women by capital means. When women enter an agreement with the strip-club owner and with the customers for money, they become addicted to the amount of capital they make per night. Most jobs cannot compete with the substantial amount that strippers make, thus, some strippers stop looking for other employment and solely rely on their profession. These women become bound by their job and enslaved by the money.

They work hard for their money and at odd hours, just to be enslaved by their addiction of making an ever flowing amount of cash that allows them to gain many materialistic objects. In other words, the strippers represent the concept of operant conditioning by B.F. Skinner where the cash becomes the positive reinforcement to their addiction or operant behavior. The strippers keep seeing that their actions have worked before and they were awarded for it by capital means and will keep stripping so long as they are awarded by a great amount of money.

Strippers are also imprisoned by their appearances or how they appear to others. One can witness that strippers constantly apply make-up on their faces several times in one full day and must appear to look beautiful at every given moment on a 24-hour clock. They are afraid to publicly go “natural” or without make-up. They are afraid to show their true selves. They are afraid of their natural physical flaws and must cover them up.

They are confined by how men view them. They are tethered by the natural beauty of other women they deem more beautiful than themselves. They are simply oppressed; chained by beauty and appearance that they appear vain and shallow. Everything is superficial about their appearance because in their occupation, they must learn to be fake and give and fit all the fantasies of every man they come in contact with or are around.

Unlike strippers, prostitutes are different. They sell their bodies because they desperately need the cash. They are less bound by addiction of money because the money is their source of food and housing. A prostitute can be bound by appearance but perhaps less than a stripper. A prostitute’s goal is to appear beautiful to get their client so that they can do their job and leave. They seldom get lost or invited to parties and other social events that strippers go to.

Dissimilar to strippers, prostitutes are directly and more-so shackled by men that repress them. Most of their clients and their client’s behaviors are shady. The prostitutes can be tied to men with abusive, violent behavior or may not even know what she is getting into until the last minute. Thus, they are oppressed from liberty and freedom of expression as well. These men may beat, abuse, misuse and kill prostitutes. Some prostitutes feel repressed from going to the police and others feel they cannot lead safe lives.

As men use their bodies for their own gratification, these women feel that they are only men’s play toys and nothing more. Their self-worth and confidence diminishes and they become broken. They become emotionally damaged. The more they seek money, the more they receive men of worthless substance and rely on those men as “sugar-daddies” to take care of their financial means.

Unfortunately, sometimes strippers can become prostitutes. For instance, when the strip-clubs that the stripper works at are not doing financially well and her options become limited, she might turn to prostitution as a second source of income. She may do this for many reasons such as: not saving money and running out of funds, having a large amount of debt that accumulated by her expensive materialistic tastes, and lastly, having a child that she cannot continue to support by such means.

In elaborate continuation of this topic, there are two types of women in these professions; one that becomes oppressed and the other that over-comes subjugation. In witnessing one account of each, I will now contrast these two kinds of women. The oppressed allows factors such as addiction to making money, gaining material wealth, appearance and men to continue to subjugate them.

They forget their real goals and get lose in the muddled illusions and details. They get lost in what their life at the moment provides for them, whether it be parties or food on the table. They get lost in the operant conditioning and positive reinforcement. They think their lives will always be like this and do not plan for the future nor make any changes. Women in these occupations accept where they are at or get too comfortable in their jobs.

Whereas, the once subjugated women in these professions enslaved by several means, becomes the subjugator of the situation and of their lives. These women may have had a goal and never forgot their purpose. They worked to full-fill their purpose and once it was accomplished, they simply stood up to the tyranny and left the situation. Another instance could have been that they saved up their money before having a lack of it (and while being pulled into different directions or different oppressors), finally realized that they have had enough of being restrained by several different means. Ergo, they left their occupation and their oppressors.

They could have also coped with their subjugators (with money saved) by continuously isolating themselves (such as staying home and not making an income or disassociating oneself) away from all the things that chained them. Thus, their isolation became a negative reinforcement against their oppressors which lead to the extinction of their behavior in relying on their subjugators for monetary means or as a way of living and the extinction of their occupation.

The subjected stay emotionally broken in their old occupations and become severely damaged. They repeat old patterns and behaviors. Contrary, the newly freed woman breaks all ties and starts a new career or goes back to school. There is a new sense of hope for his kind of woman. She can begin to repair what has been damaged when in her previous state, if she was damaged. In contrast, the other type of woman will go on living a dehumanized version of herself and a dehumanized life that will continue to break her.

To conclude, women in the occupations of stripping and prostitution can be held captive by money, appearances, and men. Several may turn for help in the wrong places and seek other sources of income. Some women may continue to be subjugated whereas others over-come their oppressors and lead new lives. The choice is theirs whether to face their oppressor or to continue to be the oppressed.

Revolution (Words and Image) by junykwilfred is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

How hard to wait and watch and keep on trusting?

Our lives are in God’s hands.

Sometimes we need reminding that they are entrusted:

to the One Who set the heavens in place,

who laid the foundations of the earth (Isaiah 51:16),

the One who churns up the sea so that its waves roar (Isaiah 51:15).

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,

a stronghold in times of trouble.

Those who know Your Name will trust in You,

for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.” (Psalm 9:10-11)

Quotes

Cold and shivering, you helped us survive.

Your reward was unjust, they stole your life.

Which is why we owe repayment to them.

You were our hero, savior, brightened days.

A life worth allowing to live through time.

You gave us hope when the gamblers went broke.

Attrition, submission, never gave up.

You fought for victory, never accede.

With us in mind, you knew we deserved more.

You would bring us the stars, the sun and moon.

Never forget to lead the way humble.

They thought we’d forget you in time. Maybe.

With no shelter, we remember, regret.

Merciful to shed light and provide shade.

Now our eyes are burning. Where have you gone?

Our inspiration to see the next day.

One full of clouds, illusion reigns supreme.

They miscalculate deeds to make it rain.

Torrents of lies, no truth purveyed to us.

Our conditions remain, memories false.

We remember the one who stood up tall.

Shouted to them and said, “We will return!”

Who is here to carry on? No one left.

Someone not taught to shoulder the burden.