My husband just passed me the Kaukauna port wine spreadable cheese and I find myself strangely overcome with lust and desire.  For the cheese.  And as I skimmed a little of it off the top with a fresh Wheat Thin (BAKED! Not fried!) just now and savored its pure awesomeness,  suddenly my head heard the lyrics to  “My Favorite Things” from the Sound of Music.  And I thought, hell, I haven’t written on my blog recently. I shall post about my favorite things.  Because everybody totally cares about them.

Which naturally led me to think of Oprah, and her favorite things.  Remember when she would do that Oprah’s Favorite Things show where she would just talk about products the whole time while her audience members got all the stuff?  The first couple of years she did that show, it was off the hook.  I would watch and lust after all the stuff she picked out, in awe that the whole audience got to take it all home.  But by year three, that show just pissed me off.  All those screaming, fainting whores audience members got thousands of dollars worth of stuff for being a damn teacher or because someone wrote Oprah a note and said they helped an orphan escape from Russia or they just showed up on the right day. I’d feel like crap, because  the only time I got tickets for Oprah was immediately following 9/11 and hurricane Katrina. I shit you not. Anyway, I just got to the point where I stopped watching that show every year because it would just make me angry that I wasn’t there while all those lucky ass bitches jumped around with their heads turning around 360 degrees and popping off (which mine would have as well, no doubt).

Jealousy is a bitch. Sometimes I would tell myself that she picked out all lame stuff I wouldn’t want or know what to do with anyway – like soaps that are like $13 and refrigerators with built-in TVs that would probably only fit into 5% of the kitchens in this great nation. And I couldn’t help but wonder if a cable or satellite hookup was necessary and who the hell has that stuff in the kitchen? See? So who would want to win that on Oprah’s Favorite Things?  Me. ME, DAMMIT!! That show made me hate myself. Thanks, Oprah.

Then one year Oprah decided instead of giving away an obscene amount of shit to people, she would give everybody $100, and then they’d have to go out and give it to someone else and whoever was the most creative or made the most out of that $100 got to come back at a later show.  Ha ha Bit-chez! That put a smile on my face because I knew as the cameras panned the crowd of pleasantly smiling faces, those women and their mothers were secretly thinking: “God DAMN you, OPRAH! I got a ticket for your Favorite Things show and all I’m taking away is this punk-ass gift card and a mandate to give it to someone else?  I fucking hate you. And your dogs too.”  But I’m sure in the end, giving away that $100 made them feel so good and warm and nice inside that they didn’t hold a grudge. Or tell everyone they knew how they got screwed and wanted to die.  Which would totally have been my — I mean, a healthy reaction. I’m pretty sure.

Anyway, I digress.  It’s just that I can’t think about Oprah’s Favorite Things without wonder, fascination and pure snarkiness.  On to revealing my majestic list of favorite things.  If I had a blog wherein I could name all my favorite things and give them to those of you that regularly comment, this is what you would get:

1) One year’s worth of Kaukauna port wine spreadable cheese and Wheat Thins.

2) A Mac.

3) A subscription to “O” and “Us Weekly” — the only publications with real import these days.

4) Bailey’s Irish Cream, Kahlua, a gallon of skim milk and a martini shaker.  Equal parts of these ingredients shaken with ice makes me incredibly happy. I think it would make you happy too.

5) Take 5 bars. A lifetime supply. Proof that God loves us.

6) TiVo. I honestly don’t have the words to explain my love, devotion and adoration for TiVo.

7) Counting Crows “August and Everything After”. Best album ever.

8.) Vaseline Cocoa Butter Deep Conditioning lotion.  I suppose it’s a good moisturizer, but more importantly it somehow captures “new baby smell” like you’re within a few inches of a newborn’s little head at all times. I get high off the fumes on a pretty regular basis.  SO much easier than having to give birth again.

9) A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole.  Funniest book of all time.  All time.

10) Tickets to Oprah’s show.  If you get them, be sure to let me know. We can go together and hope that my attendance doesn’t mark the end of the world. Oh yeah, and did I ever tell you about the time BD turned down a job at Harpo? She brings everybody and their families on these really swank all-expenses paid vacations every year. I would have hunted her down and convinced her by now of our destiny if he’d just taken it. But he didn’t.  And we’re still married. That’s love.

11) Josh Groban’s “Noel”. Shut up. Wipe the smirk off your face, because I’m giving it to you for free, bitch.

12) McDonald’s gift certificates. Enough to buy a Value Meal #2 with Diet Crack Coke and two happy meals with apple dippers twice weekly.

Okay, and go to this post to see the Oprah Favorite Things SNL skit, along with all my favorite YouTube stuff…

So I feel like if you got those 12 things today, you probably wouldn’t have a need for anything else. Ever.  Feel free to print and substitute for your Christmas/ Hanukkah / Kwanzaa/ Festivus list.  One day when I am rich and famous and lunching regularly with Oprah, I will make sure that my commenters do receive all of these things, making your friends seethe with jealousy and rage.

‘Tis the season, after all.

– Michael Jackson to Paul McCartney on “The Girl is Mine”, one of only two totally unknown and wrongly unheralded tracks on the Thriller album.

I feel like the blogger who has lost her way. I started this whole thing because I’m on a journey to peace and love and understanding and then – DAMMIT! my ADD kicks in and I start bitching about my Facebook friends, and people who put signs on their cars to protect their babies and how my sister has bigger boobs. I even went so far as to be critical of the Big O herself and I’m feeling so very guilty about this on her big 24th season kickoff celebration only a few miles away.

When I took that entire 3 minutes to conceptualize my blog and sign up on WordPress, I was thinking I should probably re-tell many of the bizarre fiascoes I have managed to get myself into and swear a lot because of the pure joy it gives me. Oh, and ask all the questions that I’m not allowed to ask in real life for fear that the Soccer Mom mafia would come find me and make me bake something healthy and be in charge of the craft for the next class party as my punishment.

But its time for a positive blog entry. So I am delighting all with the little video clips that make me joyful and/or laugh my ass off. Please, enjoy.

SNL Oprah’s Favorite Things Parody

I’m on a boat AND I got my Nautica themed pashmina Afghan…

If this doesn’t fill your heart with joy, I don’t know what will…

…I wish my Hasidic neighbors were as cool as this dude. Maybe they are – they just don’t talk to me.

…and finally, how I am only one of a few hundred people to see this video and think its the bomb is astounding…my gift to you…

It’s 4PM EST and I just turned on the TV to watch THE SHOW of the year… here’s how it all went.

Oprah’s voice blares through the TV speakers….

“Today is Ho Ho Ho… My Favorite things of the year… but…
This year there’s a twist they cost next to nothing.”

I have always hated “BUTS”. Well definetely it’s a good thing Oprah is sympathizing with
all those who have lost their jobs and also the current state of the economy.

However, I personally (not that I am rich) would have loved to see some of those fancy
gifts that have made ‘Oprah’s Favs List’ in  the past years.

So what did make Oprah’s Favorite ‘No Cost’ List for 2008.
———————————————–

- Hot Chocolate Cones

- Swap Parties

- 12 Dates Of Christmas

- Gratitude Boxes : Oprah’s says the words from your heart mean more.

- Treasure Chests

- Oprah’s Current Book Club Pick “The Story of Edgar Sawtelle” Buy Here

- Gift Of Music: Download 8 Holiday Hits 2008 on Oprah for next 48 hrs Click Here

Click Here To Read Full Details On The Other Gifts From Oprah.com >>

- Cristina Ferrare’s Holiday Menu

If you wanna eat the same holiday menu as Oprah this Christmas, here it is. Oprah will be
having dinner at her neighbours who are Cristina’s friends and Christina will be cooking
this same menu.

You can watch Cristina show u step by step with each recipe >>

If you want more thrifty gift ideas? Find great gifts under $100 in December’s O magazine.
You can get that here…

Yep, so that was all that Oprah revealed on this year’s edition of her favorite things, She
said tommorrow she’ll reveal her favorite gift of the year… something tells me from what
I saw from the preview… it is some spin off from here reality show… Oprah’s Big Give.

So I will have more information for you on that tomorrow.

Happy Holidays!

So yeah, O gave her viewers a free gift of music 8 tracks to download for free for a period of 48 hrs only from her website.

The tracks were taken from 8 great Christmas CD’s and you can actually purchase or even download full albums from Amazon.com.

Here’s all 8 CD’s for your easy access…

Faith Hill - Joy To The World

Tony Bennet - A Swingin' Christmas

Il Divo - The Christmas Collection

Josh Groban - Noel

Brian McKnight - I'll Be Home for Christmas

Amy Grant - The Christms Collection

Harry Connick Jr - What a Night! A Christmas

Aretha Franklin - This Christmas

If you want to preview all the CDs & listen to FREE samples, you can do so too. Just click on the respective album cover above.

Happy Holidays!

For years, Oprah has been giving away thousands of dollars in merchandise to Oprah’s audience members. It is common to get tickets to Oprah, fridge, TV, kindle, sometimes a car – all her favorite things.

Well, what did Oprah’s fans get this year? “Recession gifts,” or ideas for homemade knick-knacks! Can you imagine it? You think you’ve hit the lottery, and instead you get a book-club book and a free Christmas music download.

Oprah’s Favorite Things in 2008 ended up as stuff which can be bought at the dollar store! The recession friendly theme couldn’t have come at a worse time as pay cuts and shrinking assets have caused hardships for many of her fans. They could surely do with a new fridge and TV in their household this year.

I doubt recession has hit so hard for Oprah that she can no longer afford luxury goods. After all, the gifts in 2002 and 2003 were stupendous given that they were recession years.

Maybe Oprah is just preparing the ground for sacrifices when Obama is sworn in as President. The rich are going to contribute the most in his future economic policies since taxpayers had already been burdened heavily to save the bigwigs.

So a reliable source aka a very popular US magazine has just published that the show we have all been waiting for, will air on Wednesday the 26th of November 2008 at 4 PM EST.

However there’s a twist this year…

Apparently there will be no expensive gifts, Oprah will be revealing gifts that cost next to nothing as a reaction to the the current economic situation. I read some of the gifts will be stuff that you can actually make at home, I hope not all of them. There’s nothing worse than being called the cheap gift giver this christmas.

So yeah, it seems no fancy HDTV refrigerators and HD camcorders… but book a trip to the thrift shop instead. LOL!

Get ready for Oprah’s Favorite Things 2008: Recession Proof version… I will be blogging live, so bookmark this blog.

Wow! My Favorite time of the year is slowly creeping up on us. That day Oprah reveals her favorite things of the year. They always try to keep the date and location a secret, so as I write this I have no idea when she is actually going to reveal her fabulous things for 2008.

And they better not… or should I say… she better not decide to leave that very important show this year out. We really rely on that show to do our christmas shopping, including gift selection. So yes it is a very important date in the calendar year! LOL.

Meanwhile while we wait we can still enjoy Oprah’s Favs from last year…

http://oprahs-favourite-things.blogspot.com/

Stay tuned for updates!

Our friend Shopping and Info has a great contest going on right now. They are giving away a free RAKKU shoe wheel for one reader selected at random. This is an Oprah selected cool product. All you have to do is go to www.shoppingandinfo.com or the RAKKU blog and comment in the post about what you like about the shoe wheel and enter daily to get your best chance at winning that shoe wheel. Don’t forget to leave your contact info for the contest!

We love this shoe wheel for our kid’s closets or even our own. What a better way to see all your shoes in one space. The design is unique and is often a conversation piece for guests.

Go check out Shopping and Info for more details and the contest link.

Oprah has done so much for books and continues that tradition with her book selections throughout the year.  I guess we can forgive her shameless self promotion on her favorite things list which has the O’s Guide to Life as one of her picks. 

It is hard to fault her as she did autograph each one for those lucky enough to be in the Macon, Georgia audience the day she announced the list.  They chose this market for this much sought after show this year because it has been the top market since the show was launched.   

Keep up the book picks Oprah.