I am the center of this because I am the only person that controls me. Its my choice. How I react? my call. You aren’t the boss of me. My husband isn’t the boss of me. I choose how I respond. Just what is it that makes me be rude or loud or impatient with a three year old who is behaving like a three year old? Its me and my selfishness. My unrealistic expectations of his behaviour. 

Why won’t you just?

Don’t you understand?

I make assumptions that everyone knows the list of rules that I know. They don’t. I wasn’t raised the usual way for a start and my world as a child and a young woman was very far from normal. I know this now and I am beginning to come to terms with it. My expectations and my inner-dialogue are actively making my world sad and dark. They hurt me and I don’t have to live there anymore. If I do? If i do another child will grow up like Alice in Wonderland and grow into a sad and dark place. Don’t get me wrong. I am fine and strong and well and healthy…. but I was damaged. It wasn’t anyones fault but it happened. I was lucky enough to also be loved. Thats why I really am okay. Okay enough to learn a different way. 

Because if I can fix the bits I band-aided over as a kid with new skills and ribbons to replace the bitter staples then, in turn I can prevent those wounds from marking my family. 

When I learn this thing, these healings will heal my family a little. Because they love me even though I am flawed.

When I look at my son and he isn’t obeying I need to remember: its hard to be good when all you want is to keep playing. He has a self and it has wants. This does not mean we will not have to go to appointments or take showers, or go to bed. It means I will not let your feelings make me loose contol of mine. I will understand. I will sympathize. I will listen to you. And we will still go to bed with clean ears. If it is not vital for the general function of the universe I will not make a mountain out of it. Childhood is short. I will guard yours. 

I will remember that I am not perfect. This will be good for you. I thought when I was little that if I was just perfect, did better. was more. then my nightmare life would get better. I could control nothing but myself then too. So since everyone wanted me to be good and perfect I demanded it and as a result was a failure always. Never enough. Not any more. 

I am not perfect. You are not perfect. I will tell you, you are enough. Because it’s true. Begone darkness. No more.

I will pray. Its not cool to love God in my family even though we were all church going christians and I went to a Catholic school. Complete with nuns. But I will pray because I need God. I need someone there who can always forgive me if I am fervently and ardently sorry. I will profess my faith so that I can heal this wound in my heart that makes me hate myself. I will purge this poison and fill the would with light. 

My husband says I am a saint. I am a sinner. He just doesnt see the cancer that tells me it. I am learning better to walk patiently and serve with grace. Its what I like and enjoy. Its hard. 

That truly is what I want. And its hard. And its not hard because of them. Its hard because of me. Thats okay. Acceptance is the first part of the journey. I accept you. I will be healed. 

Another thing I think will help is reducing my stress level. So I’m going to evaluate what causes stress in my life, and then change what I can to reduce stress as much as possible. Some things I already know: lack of sleep, enormous messes in our house, being behind on chores, rushing to get food ready, rushing to get kids ready for school/bedtime. So here’s some changes I’m going to make already. 1) Make my meal plan every month (or pay period) and ACTUALLY DO IT but be more flexible in case Jason or the kids request something different. That means that every day I need to make sure that we have what I need for the next day readily available. So before I start dinner every night, I’m going to check on the next day’s ingredients. 2) I’m going to start freezing some leftovers instead of insisting that we eat them ALL before I make new food. This way, when the best laid plans of mice and moms go astray, I’ll have something I can quickly reheat and still have dinner ready on time. 3) I’m going to stick to my Crock pot meal idea for dance lessons and church nights. That way dinner will be ready when we get home and I can get the little ones to bed on time. 4) I’m going to throw away a bunch of my kids’ toys. They don’t play with them all, and it makes more clutter all over the house that I either yell at my kids to pick up or pick up myself and resent that my house is a disaster area all the time. 5) I will make a to-do list so that I know what I need to do by when each day. 6) No games, TV etc (for me!) unless I am caught up on my to-do list and chores or nursing the baby. In the mean time, I’m going to be doing some research on biblical references to patience, kindness, understanding, and forgiveness. I’m open to suggestions. Any favorites any one would like to share? I plan to do a post on that at some point, but not anytime soon. I will wait until I know what my goal will be at least, and then do an update. If anyone else is doing this challenge or would like to do it with me, leave a comment.

Can I just say – it’s damn hard not to yell at your kids when this happens:

I was in the shower mid-shampoo and I heard the 3yo and 4yo come into the bedroom. 5 minutes before they’d been yahooing out the back in the black dirt that is currently our backyard. I know what they do when they come in. They jump on the bed. The nice, big, king-size bed sporting a $500 white linen doona cover (I got it on special ok). Cue inner rage. There’s me, shampoo all over my hair, eyes closed, desperately trying to calmly have the kids extract themselves from my bedroom without touching the white doona cover with their black feet. Omg. Nobody listens to me the first time. Or the second time. I’m trying to fling open the shower door to assert myself calmly, authoritatively when I all wanted to do was yell:

“GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

There was no magic I-did-not-yell-therefore-they-listened-to-me moment. No. I had no tricks up my sleeve where I could get down to their level, reason with them and deliver consequence for poor behaviour choices. I was in the shower. I was soapy. I was blind. I was about to lose my $500 white linen doona cover (purchased on special) to the grubby feet of two giggling children having the time of their lives on the king-size bed. All I could do was firmly repeat “Out. Now. Please” (in my head “or so help me god”). Followed by “If you don’t get away from the bed right now there’s no tv today” – eventually the kids decided they’d leave, and the white linen doona cover remained untouched. For now.

Man, could I have classed yelling at that time as an emergency yell? Possibly. I think I was just lucky (or more like they were lucky) that they stayed away from the bed.

Today the Orange Rhino blogged this:

“Yes, when I stopped yelling at my boys, I became alive again.

Parts of me that had been stuffed away for years came out. I started laughing more. I started smiling more. I started walking with a greater pep. I started sleeping better. I started finding joy in the small things, in the normal moments with my boys like bath time, dinnertime, playtime, chat time.“

This is me. I have noticed that instead of yelling, I get down closer to the kids to talk to them, to touch them, I engage more (er, unless I’ve got shampoo in my hair). And doing that means I get to squeeze little bodies until they giggle, I see my big boys smile because I’ve ruffled their hair instead of yelling at them, I feel closer to my babies. All of them. I am still tired. I do snap and say mean things when I shouldn’t and I am improving that every day. But life’s that little bit sweeter each day because I’m not pouring my energy into my lungs, I’m pouring it into my heart instead.

I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s that I havent really ever had to deal with an employer, or be an employee. Maybe it’s that I havent spent enough time reading and re reading the passage (Ephesians 6: 5-9 ) or maybe its just that my head is really not into it. (I know that all my brain has been filled with lately is my new adventure coming up and how well its starting, to read more on this wait for my next post in the NailFiles heading…) Maybe it’s that the subject just really doesn’t get me excited. Maybe its all of these. 

The first three in this series were easy, I am a wife, I have a husband and I am a mom of two boys. The last time I worked out of the home was back when I was still pregnant with PNut (over 4 years ago) and was waitressing…well, except that brief stint working for PleaseMum before they closed it (I worked a total of two Saturdays!)…so I am struggling to really find a connection between that passage and my life…hopefully, in the near future if I read it, and clear my mind of other things, I can write an inspiring post on working…but right now I’m just not there. But the heading will remain in my “to write/ideas” list (yes, C., there is a list for that too haha) and maybe I’ll come back to it.

So until then, I do have something that I AM excited about. Well, two things actually, but I already mentioned the first one. So here is the second. I am going to try the Orange Rhino Challenge! What is the Orange Rhino Challenge, you ask? Well, in short this mom had an epiphany when a man she didn’t know personally (but he was doing work on their house) caught her in an all out red-faced, throat-throbbing, scream at her children…and all 4 of her boys burst into huge tears…right in front of this stranger.  (to read her full story click this link:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-orange-rhino/10-things-i-learned-when-i-stopped-yelling_b_2886161.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
 ) And she realised…as moms we often put on a patient front in front of friends, other family and strangers…we don’t yell or scream or get angry….but why do they matter? What should matter the most are the 4 (in my case 2) little pairs of eyes and ears watching and listening to me. Because I dont know about you, but when I am home alone with my kids…well, lets just say Id be embarrassed if the neighbors heard me and PNut it one of our all out yelling wars, and my oldest is only 3! Imagine what it could be like if I continued on this path once both my boys are 7 and 5…or worse, we have a third baby and I’m still on this road! The first thing I thought of when I read her story was about the first time I ever had both boys with me, all alone while my husband was away on a trip for work. He was only gone 2 nights, but by day 2…

Bean was less than a month old. PNut was active and constantly wanting attention after the craziness that was our household for the 3 weeks before and 3 weeks after Bean was born. Family visiting and taking care of him, mommy in the hospital for early labor, mommy on bed-rest to keep labor away, mommy again in the hospital to have the baby, trips to my hometown to see everyone, my sister and her son staying with us to help me out…crazy. So I knew it would be difficult, but I didn’t realise how difficult until Day 2…PNut had just done a string of somethings that made my blood boil and my stomach turn. (Now I don’t even remember what those things were…) But the whole incident ended with me screaming so loudly that my throat burned, my eyes watered…and my newborn baby started to howl…and at that exact same moment, so did PNut…and then I started crying. Hard. Like, ugly crying. Big sobs, giant tears followed by snot and all. Nice. But, my crying, for some reason, really bothered PNut and in his tear filled voice he said “Mommy *hiccup* stop crying! You can’t cry, you yelled!” Meaning, “Why are you crying? You are the one who yelled at me!”

Yes, I had been the one who yelled, but I wasnt crying because I was scared (unlike my two children who were so frightened of the screaming-banshee-mother in front of them, that they instantly burst into hysterical tears…) I was crying because I was so sad that I had become “that mother.” That just because I was stressed, and tired and hormonally/emotionally all over the place, or had a headache verging on a migraine, you know the kind that if you don’t go into a dark room and close your eyes you are going to puke, ya that kind…but none of those things make for good excuses, any way you look at it, this is the end result…I screamed at my children. (Well, I didn’t actually scream at Bean, but to him there isn’t a difference of who the yelling is directed at…its all the same to him, and it scared him.) And it broke my heart.

And although that type of screaming doesnt happen often, yelling is all too common in my house. Reading her describe things like “Hurry up, get your shoes, bring your coat to me…no to ME, not dad! Leave your chair where it is…pick up your legos! How many times do I have to tell you…” And none of it is good or productive. Like she said, most of the time that kind of thing is very counter productive and walking away to “do some jumping jacks” actually gets those legos picked up faster. (Oh, I despise small lego, try stepping on one laying on your bare laminate flooring without socks or slippers on, the. worst. pain. ever.  …and I have been through child-labor AND 2 c-sections! )

So when I read this blog post/article the other day, about the Orange Rhino Challenge, I immediately re-posted it on Facebook. But then today I was thinking “ya, those were all good points she made, and it is an awesome thing to challenge yourself to…so why don’t I do it? What’s stopping me from doing more than just posting it to my wall?” And here I am. I am going to take the Orange Rhino – No Yelling – Challenge.

This is day 1. And as I type this I had to stop multiple times, my almost 11 month old is crawling around my dining room – after only sleeping less than an hour for his morning nap…he’s teething – and my toddler is crying in his bedroom (no I didnt yell at him), I DID give him a time out for talking back in a rude manner, and I DID tell him that, no, he could not go outside because in 15 minutes I am making lunch, but yes he could go outside AFTER lunch…and well, patience is a virtue, one that my son did not inherit from me (I dont have much of it) and did not inherit from my husband (darn, cause he’s got loads of it). So he is crying in his room, because that is the only place he is allowed to continue to cry if he refuses to stop. And he knows this. Anyways, so far so good. I havent yelled, despite the desperate WANT to. And I feel better about the way I have handled things already.

Update: it is now 2 hours past when I wrote that paragrpah, yes sometimes my posts are an all day thing, and I still havent yelled, or even raised my voice to talk to him outside. We made it thru lunch all together, getting ready in play clothes, playing outside AND naptime/quiet-time without a single sentence that would need capitals, or even exclimation point after it, if it was written out. I say sucsess for day one…and I will say this. It does feel good when as I was walking away to put Bea down for his nap and PNut asked to play outside still I answered, “yes of course you can, but in 15minutes its time to come in and go for a quiet time.” He responded with, “Ok mom…I lub you.” (He still says “lub”, and I cant bring myself to correct him. And you know what, 10 minutes later he came inside, took of his play clothes, let me wash him up and get him in dry clothes -oh the mess 10 minutes can give you, haha - and into bed without a word.) now lets hope the rest of the day continues to go as well. 

On that note, here is my “mantra”, although its more of a prayer to God everytime I think it or mutter it under my breath. “I am not going to yell. I am going to breath. Do crunches (hey, great way to get my pre-baby tummy back). Leave the room. Count to 20. Dig my nails into my hand. And lots and lots of prayer. Whatever it takes to Keep Calm, like a Rhino.”

Although, I don’t find orange to be very calming…so I am changing mine to the most calming color I can think of. One that makes me happy, uplifted and makes me feel like I have room to breath. Turquoise. The Turquoise Rhino.

Whats your calming color? What’s your goal? Mine is 365 days…and I know that each day is going to be its own challenge. So, one day at a time. And hopefully it will get easier. I know my kids wont magically be perfect, but hopefully this will lead to a more peaceful home, a less stressed and tired mom and a less emotionally frazzled toddler. And my goal, is to every 5-10 days write about my progress and the things I am learning. That’s what I loved most about the lady who wrote about her Orange Rhino plan…she learned so much.

Pray for me friends, it’s going to be a long road. (If you see me with nail marks in my palms and a perfectly flat tummy, you’ll know things are going good )

I did not yell. 

When the 4 year old streaked across the loungeroom with his brother in hot pursuit squealing like a maniac – I did not yell. 

When the 4 year old threw blocks around the loungeroom instead of eating his dinner, he was put in his room with me saying through my teeth “If you won’t sit up and eat, you’re going to bed” – I did not yell. 

When I was beyond frustrated that my husband had been home all day with the kids but the house looked like a rubbish tip – I did not yell. 

Everyone got a basic dinner – pasties defrosted with some peas and corn on the side. Basic. Simple. Somewhat nutritious. Quick. Remarkably, the twins towed the line without arguing, they ate, helped the babies eat, then brushed their teeth and quietly watched tv. The babies ate their dinner, and went to bed. The 4 year old decided he wanted to muck around – I walked into his room, stared him down and pointed out the door to the spare room. He took himself sheepishly there and lay down. I did not yell!! He did as he was told and I did not have to yell at him. 5 minutes later he was back in his own bed, asleep. 

I think no yelling meant I had an energy reserve – I whipped around the house and tidied everything up. My sister has been harping on me that with 4 kids they should be chain-ganged into helping with housework and the house really should be much tidier. Yep, that’s how it works apparently. So, I asked the twins to help me fold down the mountain of washing that had swallowed up our dining table. I asked them. I told them that if they would help me I’d really appreciate it and it would make my life easier. They were happy to help. I did not have to rant and rave about it, they just did it. Housework done. Happy kids. Happy mum.

I am tired today. I did not have a lot left to give today. What I could give was a calm household, a quieter household and no painful yelling. I did not yell today. I was a better mum today. 

So here I am. Starting a new blog. Not specifically because I am restarting the No-Yell 2013 pledge (yesterday was a level 5) but because I started this year focused on Love. Loving myself, something I have never once done. Even now, sitting here on my sofa with a happy, fed family that I love and love me in return. I have never been enough. I can always find three or more things I currently hate about myself. Not good! Not good for me. Not good for my small person. I can hear all the terrible things I have ever been told. Threats and promises and why I wasn’t good enough and I carry that around in a little black bag of sorrow. Right next to my heart.

I have to quit.

Seriously. I need to learn and model all the patient love in my heart that isn’t being expressed properly because of that Pandora’s Box.

So. This here is about that rhino. How I’m embracing it. How I am going to change myself for the better. Because it matters to me. That’s the thing. It matters to me.

How I raise my family matters, only to me, only to God. It’s what I chose. My husband and I both really believe in second chances. And third ones. And forth ones. He’s the only man I ever married. I was 21. Legally this is his third marriage (I’m still only his second wife) He was 42. So I get to try again.

I get to look at that orange rhino and know that I am not alone, I have made friends during the first three years of my childs life. Fierce mothers who cheer for me. Who rally around me with love and understanding. For the first time in years and years I am not alone. I feel like even though I am un-worthy I am loved. Wanted. Thats a first and thats a good thing. So. I can. I can do this. I can be a better Mama. A better wife. I can even love myself the way I love all of my family and friends. Totally. Completely. Without regret. I know I am capable of such love. It comes so easily when I look outward.

Its been such a hard year. That orange Rhino wears the color for MS Awareness. Ironic when I think about it. I was diagnosed in the fall of 2012. Orange. For my challenges. I will over come them. I will continue to fight and build the me I want to be. So here. Here I am

My name is Lexi and I am a Yeller. It has been 12 hours since my last yell, on my honour or may they chop me up and serve me with chips.

I am purging my demons. Bathing them with light until even the shadows they cast are burned away.

I am worth the work. My family is too.

Orange is the colour of the day.

Even this afternoon (literally 5 minutes prior to me writing this post) C and B were having difficulties playing cooperatively and instead of losing it (which I wanted to, believe me), I calmly reminded C he needed to not talk to B in such a way, etc. Eventually C was sent to his room because he could not stop bossing B around and calling him names. I instructed him to his room in a very calm manner and DID NOT raise my voice!! He went to his room without complaints.

Its 4pm and today so far has been great. Bedtime may be another story, will update later:)

Update: Bedtime went great:). resistance as always from B; but I didnt get frustrated and raise my voice. I remained calm. :)

~Joelle

Later this morning I made a big sensory play area.  I put down a shower curtain, put water in one bin then added two drops of blue food coloring to look like the sea, used another bin and put green jello in it to look like a swamp.    I threw in some plastic animals that would live in each habitat and let the boys loose.

They felt of everything at first and then they got to playing.  They were taking the animals and moving them back and forth between the two bins.  Lance would move the snake and say “He goes in the sea” then James would pull him out and say “He goes in the swamp.”  At some point all the animals went for a swim together in the sea. 

The boys made plopping, slurping and squishing noises to go along with the swamp theme.  They got a kick out of that.

As expected, since the swamp was made from food, if you call jello food, some eating happened along the way.

After 30min or so, the boys were up on their feet slinging the animals around and splashing water.  All of this was ok until Lance grabbed the swamp bin and threw it across the kitchen.  It happened so fast that I didn’t even have time to tell him to put the bin back down on the ground.  Here’s my orange rhino toot!  I didn’t yell.  I stood there for a few minutes looking at what seemed to be a pound of green jello on my floor, then I calmly told the boys to go to their room so I could clean up.  It made me laugh to hear them in their room saying spankings were coming, they knew it was wrong.  So after I picked it all up I let the boys come back out.  I grabbed my mop and got the sticky stuff up before it dried.  That left the floor wet and wouldn’t you know, another s word, it was slippery.  So we all laughed as we slipped and slided out of the kitchen and off to our nap.

Then we had some friends come over for a playdate.  Since there were going to multiple kids, we went outside on the back patio to do some sidewalk graffiti.  For this, I took three bowls, divided one box of cornstarch among them, added ten drops of food coloring to each and enough water to make a milk like consistency.  I gave each kid a tennis ball and let them roll it in the paint.  They bounced, rolled, skipped and threw down the balls to make all sorts of paint patterns.  It quickly moved to hand print making then driving a truck threw the paint.  It was such a beautiful day to do messy, creative, large-scale painting.  The great thing about this is that with a quick spray from the water hose, the art was washed away.

After our friends left we stayed outside for a while and played.  James discovered some snail shells.  Lance came over to watch as James laid them on the edge of the dog house and they both patiently waited for the snails to come out.  Sadly they never came.  Hearing two-year olds try to say snail shells is very funny.

We came inside for lunch and while they were still sitting at the table, I read them a silly, spider book.  I got the boys to make the corresponding animal sound for each page.  They think this book is hilarious and just great.  Whenever I read it, they always say again when I get to the end.  After three, long readings of this book we looked carefully at the spider web drawing in the book.  Yesterday I took Elmer’s glue and made two spider webs on plain paper.  I taped these pages down and we felt on top of the paper for the web and talked about the design.

Next I tore the paper off two crayons, just happened to grab two orange crayons, it wasn’t planned.  I taped down another white paper over the web page.  I showed the boys how to rub and roll the crayon over the page to make the spider web pattern appear.  They really liked doing this.  I had tried doing rubbings in the past and the boys didn’t get it.  This just goes to show that occasionally you should try some of the things again  that previously had failed when your kids are a month or two older.

We did so many fun things today that I can’t pick just one thing for my mercy today.  So I’ll praise God that for two days in a row I have kept my yelling in check.  It may not seem praiseworthy to some of you, but for us moms that have a tendency to yell, two days without yelling is glorious and step in the right direction.  Go Orange Rhino!  Toot, toot!!

I don’t yell that much.

When I do yell at Owlet, it is almost always when she is behaving roughly toward me or Platypup, or making him cry in some other way.

Huh.

I am still finding this process valuable. I may have a handle on keeping the volume down, but I still feel plenty angry more often than I’d like. The other day we were prompted to define the aspects of a trigger that can and cannot be changed. Here’s mine:

“I cannot change the fact that my daughter sometimes makes her brother cry or is too rough with me, but I have a lot of options for (1) trying to keep a better eye on things during tired/grumpy/stressful moments, (2) responding as gently as I can while still maintaining safety, and most importantly (3) seeing all the wonderful things she does do, including being gentle most of the time.”

Plus, lately Owlet has been impersonating my child-self. I will say something to stop or otherwise correct her at a normal speaking volume and she will loudly proclaim, “you yelled at me!” At first my response was always, “no, I wasn’t loud at all,” but then I remembered having felt exactly the same way. To an adult, yelling = loud. End of story. But to a kid? It’s all about tone.

Anyway, it is apparently goal-setting time. Mama Rhino has decreed it. (Well, she decreed it yesterday, but hey, I’m not too badly behind.) Further, she says we are more likely to achieve our aims if we make them public. Of course, I immediately thought of you.

So here they are. We were guided toward setting some sort of time limit or other achievable number, but that’s just not how I roll.

(1) stop yelling, except in truly dangerous situations.

(2) stop complaining, out loud or to myself. Find ways to rephrase if it needs to be said, and strive to let it go if it doesn’t.

(3) stop verbally correcting behavior as much as possible. Whenever relevant, focus instead on becoming a more effective demonstrator.

(4) every morning, make tea and instead of immediately checking email, bustling around, or worst, setting it down in “a safe place” and drinking its sad lukewarm oversteeped murk hours later, spare a moment to fill up with love for two amazing kids and their heckuva dad while savoring it.

(5) stretch ye olde weake memory! Every night, review the high points of the day, ideally in conversation. Is there really a reason to tally life with sorrows, disappointments, and frustrations rather than, well, not doing that?

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (NIV)

The human soul was created by God to recognize its creator and to rely on His strength.  Last night I couldn’t sleep and my mind kept thinking about this scripture.  This morning I opened up the book “Unglued” and started reading where I had left off.  I’m reading this book in conjunction to the Orange Rhino Challenge to not yell.  Wouldn’t you know the chapter dealt with the power of Jesus’ name.  One paragraph stood out to me and it just captured my heart:

When I am in an unglued place, I can invite a power beyond my own into the situation by simply speaking His name.  I don’t have to know what to do.  I don’t have to have all the answers.  I don’t have to remember everything I learned in Bible study last week.  I just have to remember one thing, one name – Jesus.

I thought, well isn’t that the easiest thing (sarcasm), but as I thought about it more I realized that while I’m in a tirade I can’t think about all the great things people suggest for me to do or say.  I’m so angry my thoughts can’t seem to go anywhere else.  This doesn’t take any thought.  Just one word.  That’s all.  No thinking.  So what would it hurt to try just saying His name when I get angry?

With my twins, when one gets whiney. the other, who hasn’t a care in the world at the time, has to whine too.  What is up with that?  So when the whining started and kept going and going, I could feel me getting irritated and my blood pressure rising.  I said out loud “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.”  At one point today I started singing the song ”Jesus, There’s Just Something About That Name” and my boys came running over to quietly listen. It was a miracle and I’m not just being being silly, it worked.  I could feel my blood pressure going down and a slight peace coming.  Now it didn’t make my kids stop whining and I still had to deal with the kids’ behaviors, but it got me to a place where I could think.  That my friend is called the beginning of self-control. 

Why does this work, because it’s not just a quirky little gimmick?  I believe in the power of God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  I have a relationship with God and we talk.  Have you ever had a friend so close that when times get hard you call them and just talking with them makes you feel better?  That’s what this is.  God knows me so well that all I have to do is call on Him and I feel Him there.  He doesn’t take the hard work out of the situation but He gives me the calm that I need to handle it.  I wish that I had thought about this simple thing long before now.  I’ve tried to remember to pray, quote scripture, take deep breaths and the list goes on but in the heat of the moment all that I’ve learned to do can’t be recalled on short notice.  His name is so familiar that I don’t have to think about it.  It’s easy.  It works.  It’s what I’ve needed for such a long time.  I’ll still be struggling to not yell but now I’ve taken a giant step to being able to have self-control over my anger.

The hubbs and I have been talking about and trying (to no avail) to implement a no yelling rule for our family of 5. Our actions dictate our childrens’ and they were learning that you yell when your emotions have boiled over. Unacceptable.

So while on twitter a few days ago, I saw a status that had been retweeted by a fellow San Antonio blogger friend that said “do you yell at your children” and had a link to a blog post. I clicked on it and it took me here. To a brave mom of 6 opening up and being honest about her yelling and her want to change. That’s how I found out about the orange rhino. A women on her journey not to yell for 365 days and helping others to accomplish it as well.

She does it in 30 day segments with people who sign up. She shares hers tips and tricks to day by day, hold yourself accountable and what you can do to stop raising your voice. There’s a while support group to keep you on track and be on your side. I knew I had to sign up for it!

Today is day one of my 30 days and the hubbs and I are going to do this together and look with love, understanding and compassion on situations that try our patience.

Well, that’s the plan anyways.

Wish us luck!

And I hope this post inspires someone out there, just as the post I read inspired me to action. Interested in the orange rhino project? Be sure and let me know!

Orange for a bracelet reminder to grieve courageously and live well.

Orange for the Orange Rhino “30 Days to Yelling Less” project, in which I shall be taking part. Who would like to join me? Starts tomorrow…

In preparation for this coming month I’ve done two things so far.  I’ve been thinking about what triggers my anger and yelling.  You can’t fix what you don’t understand or know.  I know I’ll discover other triggers, but for now I know that not getting enough sleep is the number one trigger.  Before my children came along I could sleep in and catch up on my sleep.  Now that  isn’t an option.  I need a lot of sleep.  More than the average person.  I need to be asleep by 9:30PM.  No fudging reading just one more chapter of a good book or another few questions in my bible study.  There needs to be no excuses on this one.  I can’t look at my kids and say mommy  was irresponsible and stayed up too late so please ignore my bad mood and yelling.  I’m an adult so I need to practice more self-control at night.  Another trigger is whining.  Oh my, does constant whining get to me.  I don’t know how to manage this one yet, but I’m searching for solutions.  My other big trigger is disrespect.  Basically I’m a very prideful person.  I didn’t realize just how much until my boys turned 8mo old and discipline started when they started exerting their own wills.  Nothing gets me riled up like one of my children blatantly disregarding my commands and smiling or telling me the no command while they disobey.  It raises my blood pressure just thinking about it to write this down.  This will be a two-phase problem; one, working on my reaction and pride and two, working on the boys’ obedience.

While looking on the Orange Rhino site, I came across a great little gimmick to remind me to control my emotions.  I’ve painted my finger nails orange.  Orange is not my favorite color.  It clashes with most of my wardrobe.  But my orange nails go everywhere with me, I use my hands all the time and it will be a great reminder to hold my tongue, take a few deep breaths and to control my anger.  It’s a goofy little thing, but what a constant reminder.  So when you see me friends, don’t laugh too hard at my ugly polish because this strange color represents my love for my children, by reminding me not to yell.

A New Jersey mom has taken a pledge not to yell at her children for 365 days.

She has four boys all under the age of 6 and just made it through 12 days of no power and three kids with strep throat… and she’s holding strong. She has 85 days to go (she had to start over a couple of times after breaking the pledge and yelling at the kids!).

She has taken the Orange Rhino Challenge. And where did she come up with the name? From her son picking his nose…

The pledge came about after the Orange Rhino Mom screamed at her children and was mortified to find out that the handyman had heard her.

–Kim Berk, Fresh 102.7

What do you think of the challenge? Do you think you could last as long as Orange Rhino Mom, here? Sound off in the comments section below!

Contact the Jim & Kim Show:

• Email Producer Craig at: clenti@fresh1027.com
• Give Jim Douglas Golf Tips at: jim@fresh1027.com
• Wake Up Kim Berk at 3am at: kim@fresh1027.com
• ‘Like’ Jim & Kim On Facebook
• Bios: Get To Know Jim & Kim and Craig Too!

Read More On Fresh1027.com:

• Record Turnout for God’s Love We Deliver’s Midsummer Night Drinks
• A Great Big World Adds Flair To Pop Music
• Gavin DeGraw Channels Mumford & Sons On New Song ‘Best I Ever Had’
• Beyonce’s New Album Isn’t Coming As Soon As We Think, Ne-Yo Claims
• Sara Bareilles Shows Support For Same-Sex Marriage: ‘We’re Behind The Times & We’ve Got To Catch Up’

To make it even better, The Orange Rhino is donatating $1.00 to Habitat for Humanity for each person who takes the challenge!

Are you taking the challenge? Sign up on her page and then come back here and tell me how it went.

Next week, while I’m on vacation, The Orange Rhino herself will be doing a guest post for me. It’s going to be fantastic, so make sure you come back and check it out.

Thanks and Happy (peaceful) parenting!

If I had infinite time and space I would feature every artist at the fair, but in order to keep my posts brief and interesting to you, I’ve decided to narrow it down to my absolute green-focused favorites. Enjoy!

tired Ol’ belts

This husband and wife team will trade you one of their industrial inspired belts for your used bike parts – now that’s cool, right? Made out of repurposed bike tires, cranks, chains and spokes -  it’s no wonder their motto is “from waste to waist.”

Orange Rhino

The husband and wife team of Orange Rhino screenprints their designs on organic and fair trade cotton onesies, tees and hoodies. I know you can’t tell from where you’re sitting, but their onesies are so soft.  I may have creeped them out a bit with all my touching.

Aisha Celia Designs

I am not a knitter but looking at Aisha’s handspun, kettle-dyed yarn definitely made me want to start up.  In her own words, she “has invested herself in developing and strengthening her community of family (her mother, maternal grandmother and great grandmother are/were fiber artists in their own right)…and the intimate “knit” community of artists in Minnesota, including farmers and their generous sheep!“

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