A woman I met talked about her heartache when her son was in Juvenile Hall. I didn’t ask what specifically had brought him to that point, but she said he’d been in and out of trouble since he was 9 years old.

Although the parents and child went for counseling, nothing was turning this child around. She knew she wasn’t a bad person or a terrible parent: they had another son who was polite, a good student, had lots of hobbies and interests. It helped them to know that it wasn’t all their fault.

When their son landed in Juvenile Hall, she went to visit every day at lunchtime. The first few months, she didn’t see any change in him, and maybe it was worse due to his anger and frustration over his situation.

Around 6 months in, she started to notice small changes. He finally understood that there are consequences in society, that his parents truly did want the best for him. He was locked up for over a year, and when he came out, he needed a lot of help. This time, he was ready to listen to parents and teachers, ready to talk with a counselor who could help him.

The family is still recovering from this trauma and have some tough work ahead, but are working as a family to address them.

I recently wrote about a family with a 20-year-old son on meth. You can view the posting at http://strainedrelations.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/kick-%e2%80%9cmeth-kid%e2%80%9d-out/.

“Jane” called to update me. She and her husband, after seeing several therapists and talking with former addicts, decided to tell their son to leave. She said that making this decision was the hardest thing she’d ever done. They didn’t feel safe in their home and it was breaking their hearts to see what their son was doing. They told him to leave right after Thanksgiving, and had hired a security guard to be onsite. They were scared of his reaction and possible responses.

Once he left, Jane and her husband went into the guest house where her son had been staying, and it had been “trashed” in a literal sense. There was garbage everywhere, opened cans and bottles all over the place, burns in furniture, and the carpets were ruined. She hired a cleaning service and a contractor, repaired the guest house and changed all of the locks.

Jane said that December was horrible, and the timing with the holidays increased the sadness and worry. She hears from her son now and then via text, but he won’t call at all. She understands he’s been staying with friends and worries about him.

He has been told repeatedly that when he’s ready to go for help or rehab, they’ll help him. They have done their research and have some options in mind. Their biggest fear now is that it’s too late, and one of these days they’ll learn he has died.

Do you have any experience with this or insights and comfort for this family?

I met a man at a professional meeting: let’s call him “Jeff”. When I talked with him about my book, he said he could have used it a few years ago. He and his wife would have liked the reassurance of knowing things would work out.

Jeff’s daughter “Beth” was a wild teen: drinking, smoking cigarettes and pot, hanging out with much older boys although she was repeatedly told she wasn’t allowed to see them. She’d react with anger, screaming and yelling, cursing her parents and bullying them.

By the time she was 15, Jeff and his wife had endured enough. They were terrified for her, afraid of her, and had finally reached a decision. They needed help and relief and had to do something. They found an educational consultant who tested Beth and had many forms for the parents and teachers to complete. She was bright but angry with no respect for her parents. The consultant recommended three different boarding schools and helped Jeff and his wife through the process of selecting a school and sending their child away.

They sent her to a boarding school for troubled teens in another state, not providing a real explanation to family and friends other than to say she wanted to go to a boarding school. They didn’t tell the truth: it would have been humiliating to share how horrible it had been in their home.

Once Beth had received a lot of therapy and started to mature, they started to repair their relationship. While she was away, the parents went in for counseling each day to cope with their situation, not blame each other, and learn how to be parents.

Beth was away until she turned 18. Having earned her high school degree she was ready for college. Jeff and his wife had used her college savings to pay for boarding school, so she went to community college while working full-time, earning her associates degree last year. She’s off at college now and on-track in her family relationships.

Jeff said just a few years ago they didn’t know if she’d make it to age 18 but now her future is bright.

It’s an encouraging story, isn’t it?

Unfortunately many parents will hear these words when a heated debate comes up and a teenager is not allowed to have or do a specific event/item. Enduring this type of ‘tough love’ is one of the most common paths parents of struggling teens have to travel, hearing these hateful words.

Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of “not enabling” the child to ruin or run the family unit. Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse. Tough love is exactly that: Tough. Loving our children is unconditional, but we don’t have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.

There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough! This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a support group, along with professional intervention. This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it.

Many times tough love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene. If you see that tough love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). Quality residential placements work with the entire family.

While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems. With time and distance, the healing starts to occur. Tough love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in some families, very necessary and very rewarding. Tough love if used correctly can be helpful. However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing. Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems. Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.

Learn more about residential therapy at www.helpyourteens.com.

Be an educated parent, you will have a more peaceful home. 

Read more articles on Examiner.

As the school begins back in session in many areas of the country, some parents experienced some difficult times with their teenagers during the holiday break.  Many of this behavior only escalated with the extended “free” time, as other parents were hoping and praying things would get better as their teen spends more time with their family.

Some families planned out of town vacations, removing the teen from the environment that they believe is causing the negative behavior.  Some parents believed that simply being home and with the festive holidays their teens will slowly come back to their childhood selves.

For those that have reached a point of seeking outside help, this can be one of the most difficult decisions a parent can make.  It will come after seeking all local resources, even trying to have  your teen live with another family member, however unfortunately, you can change environments, but it usually won’t change whatever issue is causing the negative behavior.

Let’s assume you have attempted local therapy, support groups, even out-patient therapy (some have even tried 24-72 hour in-patient) determined there is something wrong that possibly a little pill can help. However it has been my experience that in many cases, until you address the internal issues, these short-stop and/or pit-stops are usually band-aids.  This is not saying medication won’t help if your teen is appropriately diagnosed.

Now we are convinced that residential therapy is our last resort.  After getting over the sticker shock, you soon realize the confusion of the Internet.  The keen marketing, beautiful websites, and programs so far away!  You are at your wit’s end, desperate, confused and just want to get your teen help – stop, think, and do your homework!

Here are some helpful tips in searching for the right program for your teenager: Click here.

Watch video and slideshow – click here.

Don’t be a parent in denial - you could risk your teen not getting the help they need.  If you are thinking about threatening Military School to your teen, think twice.  Many parents are under the misconception Military Schools are for at-risk or troubled teens.  If your teen is extremely defiant, using drugs (even just experimenting), or simply doesn’t want to attend Military School, chances are, he won’t be.  If your teen gets expelled from a Military School, you will risk forfeiting your $20,000 to $40,000 tuition.  Remember, Military Schools are not set-up as a therapeutic setting.  They are structured, however usually do not offer the therapy or emotional growth many troubled teens may need. Learn more from our story.

Part 2 – click here. Helpful tips for finding programs to fit your needs.

Also on Examiner.

An article in the local paper caught my eye a month ago. Nikolai Bonds, Barry Bonds’ 20-year-old son, “was booked on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, vandalism and other crimes at the home of his mother, Sun Bonds.” During their argument, he allegedly threw a door knob at his mother and caused around $400 worth of damages. He also allegedly spit in her face, blocked her from leaving, and threatened an officer. He was released after posting $50,000 bail.

The court granted a restraining order, barring him from contacting his mother or coming within 100 yards of her.

I can’t imagine what was going on in that household that precipitated all of this, but if it all happened as charged, it must have been pretty scary. It’s got to be horrible to have to get a restraining order against your own child, but sometimes you have to protect yourself against your child.

Her son, James, died two years ago. He was 17, drunk and alone in an accident.

When Jim turned 15, she saw the same attitude, language, bad crowd, laziness in school, and out all night drinking that she saw with her first child.

This time around, Jim was taken to the police station and he called her.

It’s a terrible call to receive, but it’s better than the last time she was contacted by the police.

Because Jim understood what real tragedy, heartbreak and loss was like, and she knew he missed his brother tremendously, she thought he would be immune to this same path. She brushed off some of her concerns, overlooked others, and didn’t deal with his situation.

The court mandated a drug and alcohol abuse treatment center for Jim, and it was exactly what he needed. Meanwhile, she and her family started attending therapy and Al-Anon meetings so they could change their family dynamics.

She said there was significant improvement in their home life, their communication, and their kids’ attitudes as a result of this work.

You can find Al-Anon meetings at www.alanon.org.

Last night I was a guest on Dr. Joel Wade’s radio show. He has experience as a Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Los Gatos and uses those skills as a Life Coach and author.

I called in early to be sure my sound was okay, and I had a chance to talk with Joel about his work and his radio show. He was very nice and it was easy to see how well he listened and how carefully he chose his questions. He had already read most of the book, so his questions during the show were completely on target and he cited specific examples from the book. We had a general discussion about parenting skills and teens, and it was interesting to learn from his style of interviewing. It was a pleasure speaking with him.

Joel’s website is www.drjoelwade.com, and at some time in the future, he hopes to have downloads of his shows. I hope he gets that running soon! Meanwhile, check out his book, etraining, ezine and other products on his website.

After the show, I wrote and thanked Joel for being such a gracious host. He wrote, “It was a lot of fun, and a very interesting conversation. You were a fantastic guest, and I think people listening got a lot out of what you had to say. I hope that a lot of listeners visit your site and read your book – it really is an excellent book, and a great resource for parents dealing with tough kids.”

This was a wonderful experience, and if you know of someplace I can speak in person, over the radio or on TV, please contact me.

I received an email from a parent of a 16-year-old son. They’d had enough of his lying, stealing, mouthing off, disrespect, trouble-making at home and at school, his drug and alcohol use. They found a therapeutic school via an educational consultant, and this boy will be picked up tonight by escorts who will take him to the school.

The parents had to reach a point where they were desperate to turn their son’s life around and they needed to protect themselves, too. This is a difficult decision, filled with fear, concern, anger and resignation. There’s a certain relief they feel that they know where he’ll be, but they’re very anxious about the upcoming scene when he’s taken and the words they’re sure to hear.

This family isn’t wealthy and they’re using savings and family loans to get their son on a better path. Please keep them in your thoughts.

If you have had a similar experience, you can share anonymously here.

It’s so frustrating, isn’t it? We are decent human beings, we have children because we want them, we do the best that we can do for them, and some of them, well…

People are born with personalities and inclinations. When a person is inclined to misbehave, sometimes get into very serious trouble, they’ll have to fight a lot of internal demons to stop themselves. Some can do it, some can’t. Some mature and grow out of it, some don’t.

Criminals had parents, too. Sometimes the parents were terrible and sometimes they were parents who did their best. It’s a boat we’re in as parents: you teach them good values and morals, you talk about society and the law, you coach them and try to get it through their heads they are harming themselves and sometimes others. And then it’s their decision to do whatever it is they’re doing.

I saw a news story about a woman whose kids had harmed another, and she was crying and apologizing.  She was devastated to know that her kids were capable of seriously hurting another person.  Her own family was torn apart in a public manner. I wonder if there were some troubles at home, too.  Displays of anger, drug use, whatever it was.  Or were the kids very good at hiding what they were really like?  Were the parents in denial?  Did they feel they had no control over the situation?  Were they seeking help, reading whatever they could, asking friends, family, counselors?

It makes me crazy when a teen or young adult does something inappropriate or illegal and some people ask, “Where are the parents?” The truth is that by the time they reach these ages, you have to hope that they do know better as they’re out of your sight/control for most of their waking hours.

What are your thoughts?

I do various workshops and presentations and after one of them, a woman told me the story of a family she knew.

The parents had hoped “Ann” would grow out of her difficulties  or maybe she’d just get married and move out.  There were no high expectations of Ann as she was female, but her brothers were encouraged to achieve in school and in business.  

At 20, Ann was not working, had left college in her freshman year, and her boyfriend was abusive.  The father had run out of patience and told her she had two weeks in which to either get a job or move out.  The mother was appalled and upset, arguing with her husband that her daughter should just stay at home, that at least they would know where she was.  The father prevailed and Ann moved into a rented room with a friend.  She found a job and bounced from job to job over the next three years. 

At a certain point, Ann looked at her friends and compared her life to their lives.  They had completed college or had been working in one job for awhile.  They were growing up and moving on, but she felt “stuck”.  She signed up for a class at the local college and learned how to study for a college course.  Although it took her several years to complete her undergraduate degree, she did it because she felt the drive, she understood the value, and she felt proud of herself for each accomplishment.

“Ann” is now an executive, and she is the one who relayed this story.  She learned many years later that the disagreements between her parents brought them to the brink of a divorce and it was terribly hard on both of her parents; they worried about her constantly.  They felt tremendous pride and joy when they attended her graduation ceremony, and her mother died a short time later.

Ann said she is now dealing with her own difficult teen, and her experience has given her a special insight into his difficulties, how she can best help him and how he needs to help himself.  And she’s ready to give him the toughlove he needs to be responsible.

Parenting teens today has become one of the most challenging jobs with a new generation of technology, peer pressure, substance abuse, and much more.

As a Parent Advocate, I continuously help parents with today’s teen issues.  Many call my organization, Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, at their wits end. 

Here are some article that I encourage parents of teens and tweens to take the time to read.  An educated parent is a prepared parent.  A prepared parent can lead to a safer teenager.

School Violence: The dangers of bullying

Teens Shoplifting and Stealing

Teen Dating Abuse

Teen Inhalant Abuse

Teen Suicide

Parenting teen girls

Teen Vandalism

Teen Truancy

Teen Pregnancy

Teen Depression

Teen Runaways

Teen Drug Prevention

Click here to learn more about the author.

Also on Examiner.com

Teen violence and youth violence is becoming too common.

It seems we can’t turn on our news without hearing about a violent incident including teens and kids. Over the past month our community has been grieving over the shocking attack on 15-year-old, Michael Brewer, who was doused in rubbing alcohol and set on fire by other teens. This happened in Deerfield Beach, Florida.

More recently our attention is in Coral Springs, Florida where 14-year-old Matthew Gorzynski was stabbed to death by his 15 year old brother. Matthew was a student at Taravella High School. Police said he and his older brother, William Gorzynski, 15, also a student at Taravella High, got into an argument at their Coral Springs home about the noise level on a home computer on Monday. Police said William Gorzynski grabbed a kitchen knife and fatally stabbed Matthew.

Both of these stories are tragic and cry out for more education on teen violence, bullying, teen aggression, rage and more. Both parents and educators, as well as everyone that works with children, need to learn more about preventing violence and how to detect warning signs.

I am listing resources that can help you help today’s children and possibly prevent another act of violent behavior.

National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center: Offers statistics, prevention programs, and training opportunities.

Medline Plus – Trusted Health Information for You: Understanding Youth Violence, Understanding Violent Behavior in Children and Adolescents, BAM Guide to Getting Along

MADE Coalition (Moms and Dads for Education to Stop Dating Abuse): Dating violence is a growing concern that parents need to be aware of. Tips for Teens, Teen Resources and more.

Education.com: Talk to your Teens About Violence

Love Our Children USA: Teen Violence Prevention
 

Don’t allow our news to continue with these horrific stories, take a stand, learn more about preventing violence and be proactive in your school and community.

Be an educated parent, you will have a safer teen.

Is your teen at risk or need outside help? Visit Parents Universal Resource Experts.

Tips to stop bullying and school violence.

Updated news on this story  visit Miami Herald UPI, NBC Miami.

Also on Examiner.com

Recently, a woman called to talk about her son. She knew what she should do but doesn’t have the courage to do it.

“Jane” and her husband are professionals and successful in their fields. They live in a very expensive area and many people would assume they have a perfect life, but their 20 year old son lives in a guest house on their property and he is into meth. She knows he smokes it and sees people coming and going into the guest house at all hours. I asked why they tolerated this, and she said at least she knows where he is and he’s safe.

I remind people I’m not a therapist; I’m another parent looking at difficult situations. If someone asks me for my thoughts, I give them. She asked, and here’s my advice: kick him out.

She was shocked and asked how I could suggest such a harsh measure.

This kid isn’t “safe” and won’t be safe as long as he’s on heavy-duty drugs. Meth houses can blow up. He’s got people coming and going so it’s likely he’s dealing. She has a drugged-out kid, strung-out strangers on their property, and the possibility of a home explosion or police busting this kid.

I asked, “If you have a choice, would you prefer to kick him out or watch his descent into drugs and endure the probable disaster coming your way?” For me, the decision to kick the kid off the property is difficult, but it’s the better of the alternatives. And she’d heard similar advice from others.

You have to make a lot of difficult decisions as a parent, and this is one of those situations that should never be tolerated, no matter how harsh the alternative may be.

Do you have thoughts or experience in a similar situation? What happened? You’re welcome to comment confidentially.

I had the privilege of being a guest on KGO Radio’s John Rothmann’s show Friday night.

How’d it happen? I’m a long time fan of KGO Radio and had seen John do a presentation about his book, Icon of Evil: Hitler’s Mufti and the Rise of Radical Islam. (That’s a fascinating book, by the way.)

I emailed him last Monday about my topic of parents dealing with troubled teens and hoped for the best. He left a message that night requesting a copy of the book, and he said he couldn’t promise anything. I mailed the book Tuesday and John called Thursday evening, inviting me to come on the show Friday at 11 PM. He had read the book and felt this was an important topic.

Bill and I drove to San Francisco and found the station offices. It’s a nice building and their lobby has a case filled with broadcasting awards.

John was so warm and welcoming to both of us. He’s got a ton of energy and a big booming voice! He’s also (dare I say it?) a sweetie-pie. He asked if I’d been interviewed on the radio before and the answer was no. I’d called in occasionally on talk shows, but being a guest is a different matter. He assured me he’d lead me through the process.

I was not intimidated by the broadcast booth. After all, I watched Frasier for years! Have to say this was different. More desks and huge microphones along with computer screens and three TV screens on the wall, too. The hosts have a lot of information they can review as they’re talking, and that was another interesting thing to learn.

I was a little concerned that no one would call in as many people with difficult teens do not want to identify themselves. John said not to worry if no one called, we’d still have plenty to talk about.

Being a guest for one hour on a commercial radio show is not like being on an NPR show for an hour. KGO is a news talk radio station, and there are two news breaks per hour, traffic, weather and commercials. Because I’m a regular listener, I knew I had limited time in which to make the points I hoped to make and answer questions, too.

John was FANTASTIC! Now let me share why: he knew I was a novice, he cares about the topic, he advised me during commercial breaks about the topics he’d like to touch on next, and he gave me a little information about callers. My husband was sitting in the room, too, and we both enjoyed getting to know John a little. He lives close to work, has two kids and is happily married. He had arranged his work-life to spend a lot of time with his kids, and they’re very close. You can just tell he’s a kind person.

There’s a link to the edited podcast on my website. John suggested I edit the commercials out and upload onto my website.

If you’ve heard the podcast, please let me know what you think and if anything struck you in particular.

If you know someone I should contact to appear on more shows or speak in person, please let me know. You can find more information about that side of my work at www.tellmeaboutyourself.info.

As a result of writing a book about parenting troubled teens, sometimes I find myself following developments in other’s lives. I’m hearing or reading real pain, anguish, and sometimes fear.

“Mara”, wrote that she felt like a failure. Her 17 year old daughter, “Jane” is depressed, skipping school, has abandoned favorite activities, and sleeps as much as possible. They’re working with a physician to get her up and moving around, experimenting with different anti-depressants, but there are other dynamics at work.

Mara’s husband is controlling and demanding, and when he can’t control Jane, he demands Mara do so. Of course, Mara can’t control Jane, and then she is berated and treated terribly by her husband.
Every day there’s another fight, and Mara never knows who’ll start the next argument, she only knows there will be one. She watches what she says and how she acts, but walking on eggshells for years at a time is not a reasonable way to live.

Over the years, Mara withdrew from family and friends, mortified that they might discover her horrible family life and judge her. She has defined herself as a wife and a mother, and because neither relationship is working, she felt she was a failure.

She remembers a time when she was delighted to be a wife and mom, thrilled with her child, and had dreams and hopes for a wonderful, close family.

The realities of her life and the crushed dreams of a good marriage and good relationship with her child had become too much for her. Mara writes that if she could have glimpsed her future, she would never have had a child.

She read my book at a time when she needed to know that nice people, good people, sometimes find their lives spinning out of control, and there are ways to gather oneself together and find solutions to problems. She reached out for additional help and has shared the truth of her family life with her parents and siblings. Instead of judging Mara, they are helping her.

Mara is in counseling and my prediction is that she will divorce her husband, wait until Jane has completed school, and then will tell her to leave the house. As she has been examining what went wrong, what she did right, what she would have done differently, she is also learning that she did not stand up for herself against her husband or her daughter. She is developing that ability to assert herself, and that’ll help her change her life.

“Tom” – I’m changing his name to protect his privacy – wrote regarding this blog, and he said some things I’ve thought, said, or written about.

Tom wrote about living with dishonesty and disrespect and tolerating it. He wrote of angry outbursts, his and his son’s, and the frustrations that go along with being the parent of a destructive person. He noted the wasted time and energy while hoping to make his child change. And he wrote about his angry, spiteful, resentful teen.

He said he was at the end of his rope, ready to kick his kid out the door and worried about losing his marriage, too. The parents were not on the same page, and his wife had been enabling their son, even lying for him to avoid family confrontations and arguments.

It’s a sad story, and I’m afraid it’s a common one. Unless the parents get on the same page and are consistent with their son, they don’t have a prayer of getting their son on track and may even face divorce. Their anger and resentment of their son and each other is imploding their family.

I wrote that there are resources listed at http://strainedrelations.wordpress.com/resources/, and I hope they all get the help they need.

I’m reading and hearing a lot of sad stories, and I hope Tom’s family has a good outcome.

Maury gets on my nerves sometimes. I feel like an injustice is being done everytime the “Out Of Control Teens” topic comes on. Do you guys notice something? No? There are never any young men on the stage. Now, there is no reason why we should only being seeing girls on stage screaming about *random thought: this should been on my Double Standard post* how they don’t give a fuck and how they love having sex with 3 men at the same time for a number 6 with a large fry. Is it because girls can get pregnant?  This is how it goes..in case yall don’t get it yet. They bring the girls on who try to get pregnant at like 14 and then they finally have the baby after 1 “attempt” to stop them on the show. But then a traumatic relapse occurs. Get serious 1 day with “D West” aint doin it for me. Then they bring the baby father on because he denyin the child. So Maury is basically trying to keep ratings up for his show. If you just bring males AND females on and keep them for way more than a day then they will probably make some kind of progress. But its just sad to see them exploiting young girls like that. Especially when there are way more females going to college than males, especially at an HBCU. There are way more men in jail as opposed to women. It’s not right Maury! So I’m going to give you a new topic as a step in the right direction “Wild teen boys with scared/stupid parents”. Go ahead and get that started Maury!

xoxo TiffaneyDanielle’

A man who had read my book called to discuss the topic. His therapist thought he should read it, and he understood why once he read the first few pages. He felt he had to share his story.

This man is a highly educated executive in a high tech company living in a prime location. His family has the best of everything: a great home and vacation homes, cars and possessions, but his family was falling apart. He’d been a “great provider” and he was positive that no one in his social circle would suffer anguish due to their teens’ behaviors.

Both of these kids went to great schools, were tutored when needed and were kept very busy so they would stay out of trouble. And both of them, around age 14, started drinking and displaying a lot of anger towards both parents. The kids ruled the home: the mother was afraid to tell them to stop and that escalated their bad behavior. The father worked at the office very long hours, primarily seeing the family on the weekend. The situation in their home was so difficult and frustrating, the parents felt helpless to stop the downhill slide of their family.

The parents were considering a divorce and an ugly truth came out: neither of them wanted to live with the kids. Their lives were out of control in every way. While seeking help for their marriage, the topic of their kids came up immediately. Their therapist referred them to a specialist working with teens. While the parents went for marriage counseling, they also consulted a coach to work with them on effective parenting techniques.

Meanwhile, both kids were evaluated and it was determined their son needed immediate intervention. He had gone far beyond drinking and was heavily into drugs. A year ago, he was placed in an emotional growth school where he receives individual and group therapy. He has steadily been modifying and improving his behavior.

They hoped to correct their parenting skills in time to help their daughter, but they learned via a social networking site how deep her problems have become, and they feel the safest place for her is in a separate school for girls. She’ll be sent to one this weekend, but she doesn’t know about it.

Both parents are devastated and worried about their children. They have wondered where they went wrong and still feel very alone. This isn’t the kind of thing one discusses among executives or at social events.

They have decided that saving their children and their marriage was more important than anything and took action to improve their lives. Their decisions were not easy and were driven by worry and desperation, but their recovery as a family will surely happen.

They throw a fit when they don’t get their way.  They scream and slam doors.  They wage a war of words with their parents.  For some kids, adolescence is a time of emotional upheaval.  But experts say how parents handle it can help or make matters a lot worse.

“Pretty much the rebellion stage started kicking in right about age 12,” says 15-year-old Kim.

Kim’s father, Jim, said that she had been a happy, delightful child, but then “her moods became really dark. She became very angry.”

“If I didn’t get my way, I was a banshee,” adds Kim. “I really was.”

And sometimes, the fights over schoolwork, friends and daily chores turned violent.

“I threw a ceramic-potted Christmas tree at my dad’s head,” says Kim, describing one of her outbursts, “…and luckily it missed him because I don’t know what I’d do if I had injured my dad.”

Some experts call it the “terrible teens.”

“They hit 12 or 13, and parents will co me into me and say, ‘My adorable 12-year-old is now a screaming, shrieking 13-year-old’,” says Dr. Nancy McGarrah, an adolescent psychologist.

Experts say it’s a common problem, and many parents make a common mistake – they give in.

“Most parents are real scared about adolescence,” says Dr. McGarrah. “They don’t know how strong to be with them. They try to avoid conflict.”

And when a yelling teen gets their way, their bad behavior is rewarded.

“So they keep pushing and pushing and pushing those boundaries,” says Dr. McGarrah.

Experts say the solution is seemingly simple. Parents have to be clear about rules and stick to them, no matter how much screaming and resistance they get.

“The hard part is following through because it’s exhausting,” says Dr. McGarrah.

It’s hard, but eventually a child will learn what Kim has – yelling isn’t the way to get what she wants. Doing well in school, doing her chores and being respectful, however, is.

“I like to think of myself as a very nice person, a very giving person,” she says. “Back then, I was loud, rude.
I was actually kind of evil.”  

Tips for Parents

The American Psychological Association says that anger is a normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to violent outcomes.  Many teens today have a difficult time keeping their anger under control, as evidenced by the following data:

• According to SafeYouth.com more than 1 in 3 high school students, both male and female, have been involved in a physical fight. 1 in 9 of those students have been injured badly enough to need medical treatment.
• The 2002 National Gang Trends Survey (NGTS) stated that there are more than 24,500 different street gangs in the United States alone. More than 772,500 of the members of these gangs are teens and young adults.
• The 2002 NGTS also showed that teens and young adults involved in gang activity are 60 times more likely to be killed than the rest of the American population.
• A 2001 report released by the U.S. Department of Justice claims that 20 out of 1000 women ages 16 to 24 will experience a sexual assault while on a date. And that 68% of all rape victims know their attackers.
• The U.S. Justice report also stated that 1 in 3 teens, both male and female, have experienced some sort of violent behavior from a dating partner.

Anger creates physical changes that both teens and parents need to recognize:  increased heart rate, a rise in blood pressure, soaring adrenaline levels.  Once these changes occur, along with the thoughts that fuel the anger, the emotion can be hurtful.  Provena Mercy Center cites the following warning signs indicating that your teen’s anger is unhealthy:

• A frequent loss of temper at the slightest provocation
• Brooding isolation from family and friends
• Damage to one’s body or property
• A need to exact revenge on others
• Decreased involvement in social activities

If you believe your teen has a problem with anger, you can help him or her develop positive conflict resolution techniques. The University of Michigan Health System (UMHS) explains that teaching children strategies for dealing with their anger can be difficult, because you don’t know when your child will get angry again.  To help, use the time between angry outbursts to discuss your child’s anger, and practice how to deal with it.  The UMHS outlines the following strategies for teaching your child anger management:  

• Practice a substitute behavior. You and your child should develop a substitute behavior to use when he or she is about to get angry.  Some ideas include breathing methods, counting backward or visualizing a peaceful scene or a stop sign.
• Reward. Sit down with your child and figure out some rewards that he or she can earn by practicing the exercises (on a daily basis), and when he or she uses the exercises when frustrated or angry.  Don’t skip the rewards – they are essential to the success of anger management in children.
• Give examples. Think of times when you deal effectively with your own stress and point these out, very briefly, to your child.  Also, share your coping strategies with your child as examples of how he/she might handle a similar situation.  It is important for your child to see you successfully deal with your own anger.
• Encourage using the exercises. When your child starts to get upset, briefly encourage him or her to practice the substitute behavior. Only prompt your child once.  Do not continue to nag him/her about using the exercises.
• Avoid arguments but do discipline consistently.  Avoid arguing with your child.  Everybody loses when a confrontation occurs. You need to set a good example and deal with your child in a quiet, matter-of-fact manner.  

The Nemours Foundation reports that teens often require specific coping strategies that are less formal than behavior modification.  Have your teen try the following tips next time he/she begins to lose his/her temper:

• Listen to music with your headphones on and put your “anger energy” into dancing.
• Write it down in any form – poetry or journal entries, for example.
• Draw it – scribble, doodle or sketch your angry feelings using strong colors and lines.
• Run, play a sport or work out. You’ll be amazed at how physical activity helps work out the anger.
• Meditate or practice deep breathing. This one works best if you do it regularly, not when you’re actually having a meltdown.  Meditation is a stress management technique that can help you gain self-control and not blow a fuse when you’re mad. 
• Talk about your feelings with someone you trust.  Many times, other feelings – such as fear or sadness — lie beneath the anger.  Talking about these feelings can help.
• Distract yourself so you can get your mind past what’s bugging you.  Watch television, read or go to the movies instead of stewing for hours about something.

Parents who teach anger-management strategies and encourage non-aggressive conflict-resolution techniques early on may find the teenage years less challenging.  If your child has long-lasting feelings of anger or is unable to adopt coping strategies, seek medical assistance and treatment.  

References

• American Psychological Association
• National Center for Education Statistics
• Nemours Foundation
• Provena Mercy Center
• University of Michigan Health System
• U.S. Department of Education

Visit www.connectwithkids.com for more great articles.

As school opens, our phones start ringing.  Is your teen starting off on the wrong foot already?  Are you considering a Boarding School?  What will be best for “your” child? 

THIS IS MY CHILD

This is my child, where did I go wrong? Most likely you didn’t, sometimes life gives us stumbling blocks that are put there for a reason. None of us is perfect, parenting is not easy, children don’t come with manuals, and we can’t be blamed for all the bad in this world.

Parenting is probably one of the most difficult jobs to do. That, combined with working a full-time job and juggling household chores, as well as many other activities in life, can lead to turmoil in many lives. As a parent, we need to consciously make time to get to know our kids, and our kid’s friends. This can be very difficult with our schedules; however, a necessary step to be able to get to know your child and build trust.

This is my child. Good or bad, they don’t deserve abuse. If your child needs help from outside sources (Therapeutic Boarding School, Residential Treatment, etc), you need to feel confident there are safe and qualified schools and programs. Although sometimes hard to locate immediately, after time and research, you will finally find the best school or programs for your child’s individual needs. After all, this is my child. They are our future. Take the time to research, research, and research. Good kids making bad choices – that is the way of most of today’s teens.
 

• School Opens

As a new school year opens, our phones become very busy. Many of the parents who call are at their wits end with their child’s lack of motivation toward school and desire to be less than the child’s potential is. The phrase ‘my child is a good kid, this is not like him/her’ is very common. Many children embarking on a new school year try to figure out where they fit in.  Peer Pressure can be extremely difficult for adolescents.

Today, the most frequent statement is how intelligent a child is, yet he/she not working up to their potential – an underachiever.  They are capable of the work, but lack the motivation to complete it.  How many kids achieve great test scores, however fail a class since they don’t finish their homework?  Unfortunately this is very common.

Making mistakes and falling is all part of growing up and maturing. Although our instincts are to love and protect, we must, at times, let them learn from their mistakes. Loving them is unconditional, and protecting them is natural. Watching them fail can be painful; however, watching them learn from it is fulfilling.

Although there are no standard answers in today’s society of teens and pre-teens, one issue is clear, they need our support and our guidance to help them through the rough spots. It seems very difficult to determine when to let them fly and when to intervene. Each family and child, with their own unique dynamics, knows what works best for them.  The influences of today’s peer pressure can be overwhelming.

Locating a smaller private school or residential program may lead to success depending on the child. Unfortunately, costs may be prohibitive for some families. Some of the schools offer scholarships or financial aid. If they don’t, you may want to ask them for a resource that may be able to assist you.  There are lending institutions for Educational Loans.

Military Schools are an excellent choice for children that flourish with structure and positive discipline. Many parents are under the misconception that Military Schools are for troubled children; that is false. Military Schools are a privilege and an honor for children to attend. Most Military Schools start at $20,000.00 per year. Some have scholarship programs.

Military Schools can build your child’s self-esteem and confidence to start making productive choices and help the child in reaching his or her potential academically. The social environment can be a positive atmosphere for both boys and girls. Again, with Military Schools, it is not for children that are out of control, at risk or using substances.  Many ADD/ADHD students flourish in the structured environment.

Traditional Boarding Schools are a great opportunity for children to enhance their ability to achieve academically. Like Military Schools, they are not for troubled children or out of control teens. They are prestigious and usually offer more academic attention for the child. There are many that offer classes for the children that have Learning Differences including ADD and ADHD. Most Boarding Schools start at $25,000.00 per school year. In some instances, finding a Boarding School for your child that offers their special interest (e.g. Arts, Music, an Equestrian program, Sports etc.) could also encourage progress in their future.

Parent Beware-ness

Since the establishment of Parents’ Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E. )years ago (since 2001), there have been companies attempting to duplicate P.U.R.E.  We have yet to see any organization offer the emotional and parent support that we offer to families. P.U.R.E. is parents helping parents. We encourage all parents, friends, and relatives to research, research, and research. Our homepage offers a link to a list of Helpful Hints as well as Questions to ask Schools and Programs that can be beneficial in making the best choice for your child.

Until our United States government enacts federal laws to provide oversight standards for private schools and private residential programs, you must rely on your instincts and investigations. P.U.R.E. encourages our Congress and United States Senate to enact consumer protection laws for families and children that will help reveal widespread deception that is regularly used by some programs.

We don’t want parents to become fearful from finding help for their children, but parents must do their homework. It is the most important component of finding the best school or program for your child. Building your child back up, enhancing their self-esteem, and working with professionals can help your child to mature into a productive adult.  It is about giving your child a second chance to be all they can be.

Programs/Schools that use food and/or sleep deprivation, expect the children to live in unsanitary conditions, deprive them of an education, or isolate them from others for extended periods of time are Red Flags. Continue searching until you feel 100% comfortable with your decision. Although your child is acting out negatively, putting them into a negative and poor environment is more likely to build more anger and resentment. They don’t need the Hilton; however they do deserve basic human needs. Eating right and healthy combined with good sleep habits is more likely to enhance your child’s desire to change for the positive.

Parent Information

Many parents think if they pay an Educational Consultant or someone that has an association with a group that is self-made (not regulated by any governmental agencies, i.e. IECA – Independent Educational Consultants Association) they are going to the experts. The old cliché kicks in, “since they cost so much, they must be good.” Although there are some reputable Educational Consultants, you must continue to do your research to find one if you choose to hire one.  It is part of being a proactive parent.

Too many times we have heard from the parents that have been misled by this type of organization. Trusting someone to place your child is a major responsibility. Are they liable if something happens to your child in the programs “they” believe is best for him/her? Why do many refer to the same group of schools and programs, usually after recommending a Wilderness program? With the many parents that call us, those that have used Educational Consultants have given us the same program referrals and most, if not all, have been recommended to Wilderness first. Is there something more to this that we cannot see? We are not insinuating they are bad programs; however, the continuity can be a red flag.

Although we are not advocates of Wilderness programs, the pattern of the Educational Consultants using them first prior a Therapeutic or Residential program, could be viewed as a double dip. Wilderness programs may be good for some children; however, to assume they all need that step seems a bit suspicious. In many cases, Wilderness programs are never long enough to offer lasting results – and they are extremely expensive. Unfortunately, some parents are misguided that a 60-90 day program may be a fix-it-all. Why not start where you want to finish? We have seen much success in a solid and qualified 6-9-12 month programs.  Where a child can start and finish with a sense of accomplishment. 

Another RED FLAG is while surfing the Internet, you are overwhelmed with different toll-free numbers, different web designs, even different marketing names; however, they all lead to the same group of schools and programs. Have you used the Key Word “Military School” and your results are anything but Military Schools? The unfortunate misconception may add more stress and confusion to an already desperate situation. We cannot control the spamming of the Internet, which means you need to be extremely careful as to who or what you are calling.

At P.U.R.E. we offer parents resources offer parents resources and our personal experiences with many programs and schools. We do not place children into schools and programs; we give families resources and options that may be appropriate for their child. We also encourage parent and child feedback from all schools and programs. We like to share it with others who could be looking at the same program. We do not claim to be members of any big organizations, nor do we claim to be Educational Consultants. We are professionals and parents doing our best to help others find safe and qualified settings for their precious cargo.

As a Member of the Better Business Bureau we take pride in our organization and will continue to assist families in need. Keeping your family safe is our priority. P.U.R.E. is “bringing families back together…”

Who to trust? The answer is easy; trust your gut, your heart and yourself as a parent that knows what is best for their child. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t assume your emotions are getting the best of you; your emotions can be your red flags flying.

Suicide is the third most common cause of death amongst adolescents between 15-24 years of age, and the sixth most common cause of death amongst 5-14 year olds. It is estimated that over half of all teens suffering from depression will attempt suicide at least once, and of those teens, roughly seven percent will succeed on the first try. Teenagers are especially vulnerable to the threat of suicide, because in addition to increased stress from school, work and peers, teens are also dealing with hormonal fluctuations that can complicate even the most normal situations.

Because of these social and personal changes, teens are also at higher risk for depression, which can also increase feelings of despair and the desire to commit suicide. In fact, according to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) almost all people who commit suicide suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder or substance abuse disorder. Often, teens feel as though they have no other way out of their problems, and may not realize that suicidal thoughts and feelings can be treated. Unfortunately, due to the often volatile relationship between teens and their parents, teens may not be as forthcoming about suicidal feelings as parents would hope. The good news is there are many signs parents can watch for in their teen without necessarily needing their teen to open up to them.

At some point in most teens’ lives, they will experience periods of sadness, worry and/or despair. While it is completely normal for a healthy person to have these types of responses to pain resulting from loss, dismissal, or disillusionment, those with serious (often undiagnosed) mental illnesses often experience much more drastic reactions. Many times these severe reactions will leave the teen in despair, and they may feel that there is no end in sight to their suffering. It is at this point that the teen may lose hope, and with the absence of hope comes more depression and the feeling that suicide is the only solution. It isn’t.

Teen girls are statistically twice as likely as their male counterparts to attempt suicide. They tend to turn to drugs (overdosing) or to cut themselves, while boys are traditionally more successful in their suicide attempts because they utilize more lethal methods such as guns and hanging. This method preference makes boys almost four times more successful in committing suicide.

Studies have borne out that suicide rates rise considerably when teens can access firearms in their home. In fact, nearly 60% of suicides committed in the United States that result in immediate death are accomplished with a gun. This is one crucial reason that any gun kept in a home with teens, even if that teen does not display any outward signs of depression, be stored in a locked compartment away from any ammunition. In fact, the ammunition should be stored in a locked compartment as well, and the keys to both the gun and ammunition compartments should be kept in a different area from where normal, everyday keys are kept. Remember to always keep firearms, ammunition, and the keys to the locks containing them, away from kids.

Unfortunately, teen suicide is not a rare event. In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that suicide is the third leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 24. This disturbing trend is affecting younger children as well, with suicide rates experiencing dramatic increases in the under-15 age group from 1980 to 1996. Suicide attempts are even more prevalent, though it is difficult to track the exact rates.

As summer is here, teens, if not kept busy, could potentially find peer groups that are not what you would want him/her to hang with.  Teen Gangs can prey on kids that are not only followers, but have low self worth and want to belong – even if it is a negative peer group.  Learn more.

Gang activity in the United States is not always the way that the media portrays it. Gang violence is not restricted to inner city settings, nor is it simply the activity of minority groups. There are gangs in cities, suburbs, and even small town America and the violence that many of these gangs encourage and participate in is costing far too many lives. Most gangs are a loosely organized group of individuals who control a territory. A significant portion of gang violence stems from fighting over territory, which may be used to distribute drugs. Additionally, gangs tend to denote members through a sign or color. Two of the most well known gangs in the United States are the Bloods and the Crips which use the colors red and blue respectively.

Gangs often prey on the teenagers who wish to fit in. Being part of a gang can provide teenagers sought after friends and popularity. By joining a gang, teens have a social network already established for them with friends who are literally ready to die for them. This infrastructure can fill a void in a young person’s life quickly and easily; however, it is in a negative way. The teenage years are a formative and difficult time for many people and joining a gang is a simple way to feel liked and popular. This is especially appealing for individuals with low self confidence or who feel as if they do not fit in. In dangerous neighborhoods, joining a gang can actually provide protection from other gangs, which is attractive for many people.

Since the 1970’s, gang activity has spiraled out of control. Prior to the 70’s, fewer than half of the states were plagued by gang activity, but now there is not a single state that does not have to deal with youth gang activity. Violence and gang activity peaked in 1996, but has decreased overall since then. However, activity continues to increase in less urban settings and violence is continuing to become more lethal. Many people believe this is due to gangs’ involvement in the increasingly lucrative drug trafficking market. This is not the case. The increase in violence seems to be stem from the availability and easy access of lethal weapons. Additionally, cars have become a more common accessory in attacks on rival gangs.

I am Sue Scheff™, and my organization Parents Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.™) seeks to protect America’s teens. Keeping your troubled teen safe and on the right path in life can be an incredibly difficult task, but you are not the only one facing these problems, nor are you without resources. We as parents must work together to support one another and provide assistance and advice to educate and support one another through the difficult times. At P.U.R.E.™ you will find resources, including other parents who have faced the same trouble as you, which will alleviate the difficulties of raising a teenager.

If you are worried that your son or daughter has already or is likely to become involved with a gang, do not wait to seek help. We have compiled an abundance of useful resources on youth gang activity.

If the safety and well being of your teenager is at risk, do not hesitate to seek our support or professional help. Visit our website, Help Your Teens. The consultation service is free and any parent seeking help will be accommodated. You are not alone!

Learn more about Teen Gangs here.

Parent’s Universal Resource Experts, Inc. (P.U.R.E.™) is an organization that was founded in 2001 by Sue Scheff.  For the past several years Parent’s Universal Resource’s has assisted families with valuable information and resources for their children and teens that are at risk.  Teens that are struggling with today’s peer pressure, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and simply good kids starting to make bad choices.  We have many very satisfied families that have used our services.  Please take a moment to read some of our testimonials.

Whether you are seeking Boarding Schools, Therapeutic Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, Wilderness Programs, Christian Schools, Summer Programs, Military Schools and more, Parent’s Universal Resource’s can offer you options to explore to help educate you in a very important decision for your child and family.  We invite you to fill out a Free Consultation Form for more information.

Parent’s Universal Resource Expert’s™ are parents helping parents.  As a parent that experienced and survived a difficult teen, we believe that desperate parents are at high risk of making rash and detrimental decisions in choosing the best placement for their child.  Please take a moment to read my story – “A Parent’s True Story” – which is one the reasons this organization was created. 

As a member of the Better Business Bureau for many years we are an organization that prides ourselves in helping others and bringing families back together. 

There are many Doctors, Attorney’s, Therapists, Police Departments, Schools, Guidance Counselors, and other professionals that refer Parent’s Universal Resource’s to families.  In many cases, after a family has used our service, they recommend us to their friends and relatives.  We have built our reputation on trust and putting families first.  At Parent’s Universal Resource’s we believe in bringing families back together.

In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:

Read more about my journey with my daughter in Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out Of Control Teen.

Learn from my mistakes, gain from my knowledge. You are not alone.

As a parent advocate, I always welcome valuable information and websites that can help educate parents and others with today’s concerns with substance abuse and other issues surrounding our children.  TheAntiDrug.com website has a wide variety of educational information for parents and adult caregivers of teens – also check out the Q&A below with Karen Reed, the American Pharmacists Association’s national spokesperson for American Pharmacists.

TheAntiDrug.com – a Web site created by the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy to equip parents and adult caregivers with the tools they need to raise drug-free kids.  You might have seen ads on TV recently calling attention to the issue of teen prescription drug abuse.

Unfortunately, growing numbers of teens are abusing prescription and over-the-counter (OTC) drugs to get high or to cope with school and social pressures.  Many teens say these drugs are not only easy to get, but also that they think they are a safe way to get high.  According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration  (SAMHSA), everyday 2,000 kids age 12 to 17 abuse a painkiller for the very first time. SAMHSA also finds:

•       More teens abuse prescription drugs than any illicit drug except marijuana
•       Among 12- and 13-year-olds, prescription drugs are the drug of choice

To provide answers to common parent questions about teen prescription drug abuse, TheAntiDrug.com has teamed up with pharmacist Karen Reed, spokesperson for the American Pharmacists Association. 

The Rx drug information is currently highlighted on the homepage of http://www.theantidrug.com, including an interactive house tour (http://www.theantidrug.com/drug_info/prescription_dangerZones.asp) which highlights locations where teens can find prescription and OTC drugs, tips for parents on how to prevent abuse  and to talk to your teen about prescription drug abuse, along with much more.

Q&A with Karen Reed, spokesperson for the American Pharmacists Association

Q: I hear about kids taking various pills – uppers, downers, painkillers, etc., that have been prescribed for their parents. What can those drugs do to teens who have not been prescribed those medications?

A: It is always difficult to predict what type of reaction teens will have to medication not prescribed for them, especially when we don’t know the dose they will abuse — and if it will be taken with other drugs or alcohol. Uppers can cause hostility, paranoia, or seizures. These drugs can affect motor skills, impair judgment, and affect the heart. Downers and painkillers can decrease concentration, impair judgment, and slow motor skills. Taking downers and painkillers in excess can also cause sedation and seizures. Imagine a teen driver under the influence of these drugs driving a motor vehicle — this combination could prove deadly as well. (http://www.theantidrug.com/drug_info/prescription_dangers.asp)

Q: My son tells me his friends take pills that aren’t theirs and sometimes take them when they’re drinking alcohol. What is the resulting effect and what can I tell him to scare him away from experimenting?

A: No one, adults or teens, should take medication with alcohol. Teens who are taking medication that is not prescribed for them are probably also taking excessive doses. And mixing that medication with alcohol could prove deadly for teenagers. The effect of the medication could be intensified, causing the teen to stop breathing or have a seizure that could be fatal. If this practice is combined with driving, others could be injured as well. The combination of medication and alcohol could lead to poor judgment that could cause serious injuries or worse. Teenagers often feel invincible. The combination of drugs and alcohol may intensify this belief.

Q: We keep cold, cough, and other over-the-counter medications in the house. What is the best way to monitor those medications?

A: Over-the-counter medications are safe and effective for some people when used properly under a medical professional’s guidance. However, the ingredients, when abused, can be taken to get high. Therefore keep them in limited quantities and monitor their use as you would a prescription drug. Never use them to help your teen or yourself sleep. Children (regardless of their age) mimic adult behavior. Be a good role model and never abuse OTC products yourself. (http://www.theantidrug.com/drug_info/prescription_wcyd_good_example.asp)

Q: My child has prescribed medications she takes regularly. How do I ensure those pills are not abused?

A: Keep track of the number of pills that should be on hand. Keep track of refills, lost pills, and request for refills. Paying close attention to use will help prevent abuse.

Q: What are some of the signs I can look for if I suspect my teen has been abusing prescription drugs?

A: It is easy for parents to miss prescription drug abuse because mood changes, temper outbursts, changes in sleeping habits and interests are typical teenage behaviors. You can smell alcohol and tobacco and marijuana — you can’t smell pills. Watch for changes in grooming, habits, and interests. Watch for negative changes in school work, school attendance, and declining grades. Watch for increased secrecy, changes in friends, and increased needs for money. Monitor your own prescription drugs and encourage friends and family to do the same. (http://www.theantidrug.com/drug_info/prescription_abusing_signs_symptoms.asp)
Karen L. Reed, the American Pharmacists Association’s national spokesperson for American Pharmacists Month, is a graduate of West Virginia University School of Pharmacy and a staff pharmacist with Kmart in Beckley, West Virginia.  She is a consultant pharmacist for Beckley Surgery Center and is serving her second term as chair of West Virginia’s Medicaid Drug Utilization Review Board. Reed is a preceptor for WVU PharmD candidates and a GlaxoSmithKline community pharmacy advisory board member. She is an APhA Fellow, past APhA- Academy of Pharmacy Practice and Management officer, past President of the West Virginia Pharmacists Association, recipient of the National Community Pharmacists Association Leadership Award, Merck Pharmacist Recognition Award, and the Wyeth-Ayerst Bowl of Hygeia.  In 2002, Reed was named Kmart Pharmacist of the Year.