<loner> a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others <lone> being alone; without company or accompaniment; solitary; unaccompanied

When I was a little girl I was terrified of the thought of bugs in my bedroom, especially in my bed.  No one likes bugs in their bed but it was more than not liking – it was the fear of the possibility. I’d find myself playing with my dolls or trucks and the thought would come to me – what if there is a spider climbing up into my bed right now? I’d dread the impending bedtime and especially the never being sure that there wasn’t a spider laying in wait to snuggle up to me.

I still remember one or two offenses -  the stinkbug that ran right across my face during a nap or the nasty furry spider that crawled up over the fold of my beddybye blankets to meet my gaze, spidey eye to little girl eye. The worst was the anxiety, fear and general heebiejeebies post bug-in-bed encounter. Crawling back into bed and falling asleep was absolutely out of the question. First, I’d undo the bed and check for bug or spidey companions then I’d remake the bed and lay there very carefully and anxious knowing that there were more in my room. They could be hanging out in the curtains, behind my bookcase, under my rug – waiting for the lights to go off so they could traverse the thready landscape of my bedroom carpet and crawl up into bed the minute I closed my eyes.

After one such an encounter and the tummy tickling anxiety that followed I frantically pulled apart my bedding in tears as I told my mother, with conviction, that I was never going to sleep again. With a weariness that was one part tired and one part sympathy she told me to “stop being so dramatic, that there was nothing to be afraid of because spiders don’t come in herds, in fact I should be glad because I found the one spider in the room and it was the only one around”. You see, as it turns out, bugs and spiders aren’t very friendly creatures.

The fact that spiders are not pack animals brought me great relief because it made complete sense to me. You never see a bunch of spiders crawling along a wall, in the tub or in your bed – there’s always just one. Charlotte’s Web reinforces this fact, Charlotte didn’t have any spider friends and all her babies were blown away after they were born so not only do spiders not have friends but they don’t even hang out with their own kids. Cool, it was great news, it sounded true and to this day, on occasion, I will still remind myself of this fact.

Which brings me to today – today I found a creature in the basement. I was doing the laundry and I reached over to pick up a fallen handkerchief when I stopped just short of picking up a rather large mouse instead. I screamed as the connection from brain to voice box made the quick leap to fear even as I was still to comprehend what it was I was seeing – grey body, little ears, black nose, rapid moving belly.

I jumped away from the mouse which in itself was funny because if he hadn’t scurried off as I rummaged around in the laundry basket just inches from him, a scream wasn’t going to do the trick. Next came the reluctant voice of my husband, the only logical voice that comes in response to a scream from an old, dark, damp and cluttered basement – a voice that doesn’t want to know what the scream about at all.

“Micky, come down here,” I yelled.

“No.”

“Mickeeyyy.”

“God, what is it, just tell me.”

“It’s a mouse, it’s sides are moving really fast, come down here.”

I was fascinated by it. As repulsed as I was, and boy was I, the thing made my stomach hurt and a sour taste found its way to the back of my mouth, I couldn’t help staring at it and finding sympathy for it. It was kinda cute, it’s tiny little perfectly shaped ears or it’s cute little paws as it licked and wiped  at it’s black bitty nose. The truth is, for one moment, across the room from the damn thing it was almost sorta cute until I heard my husband holler “you always said you’d deal with rats, we had a deal.”

It was at the word rat that I saw the long tail that snaked out behind the little creature that seemed to have suddenly grown a wee bit bigger in the time I’d looked up at my husband face peering around the basement door. It was no mouse, it was a rat and any trace of cute was replaced by awareness that the basement was damp and sticky and a little hard to breath in.

I’ll spare you the details of how we got the bugger ( him AND his tail) up from the basement and threw him over the fence into the yard of the abandoned house next door and how the little guy crawled around for a bit but it wasn’t long until he lay quiet and the flies . I’ll jump to what happened an hour or so later when my husband came to find me and tell me about his theory and the point of this here entry.

In the time that had elapsed I’d called my mother, my best friend and posted about the incident on facebook. I’d gone back to the basement (with the dogs en tow) and mapped out a plan to get the place cleaned up, inspected for entry points and tricked out with the latest in rat trapping technology. I was ready to go to war, I was repulsed and set on erradication, when enter my husband.

“So, I was thinking , I’m pretty sure that was the only mouse in the basement and let me tell you why.”

It was all I could do not to smile, in fact I’m sure the corners of my mouth must have lifted slightly. It was one of those fleeting moments where my husband takes a break from the strong, confident and capable man I see in most everything he does, instead he was my husband, a sweet grown boy, an elusive creature who I catch only glimpses of here and there. Asleep on the couch, playing with the dogs, laughing at the occasional crude joke with his guy friends, and when his favorite soccer or football team wins a particularly important match.

He proceeded to explain how and why it was the only mouse and that we didn’t need to worry about it. His story sounded  a lot like my mother’s ‘they don’t come in packs story’ but it didn’t ring true because . I looked him in the eye and what I found was his need to believe and I remembered my own need to believe and at the end of the day he was right, we had made a deal, I’d would take care of the rats.

ScienceDaily (May 25, 2009) — A new study shows how the behavior of dogs has been misunderstood for generations: in fact using misplaced ideas about dog behavior and training is likely to cause rather than cure unwanted behavior.  The findings challenge many of the dominance related interpretations of behavior and training techniques suggested by current TV dog trainers.

Contrary to popular belief, aggressive dogs are NOT trying to assert their dominance over their canine or human “pack”, according to research published by academics at the University of Bristol’s Department of Clinical Veterinary Sciences in the Journal of Veterinary Behavior: Clinical Applications and Research.   (Credit: iStockphoto)

The researchers spent six months studying dogs freely interacting at a Dogs Trust rehoming center, and reanalyzing data from studies of feral dogs, before concluding that individual relationships between dogs are learnt through experience rather than motivated by a desire to assert “dominance”.

The study shows that dogs are not motivated by maintaining their place in the pecking order of their pack, as many well-known dog trainers preach.

Far from being helpful, the academics say, training approaches aimed at “dominance reduction” vary from being worthless in treatment to being actually dangerous and likely to make behaviors worse.

Instructing owners to eat before their dog or go through doors first will not influence the dog’s overall perception of the relationship – merely teach them what to expect in these specific situations.  Much worse, techniques such as pinning the dog to the floor, grabbing jowls, or blasting hooters at dogs will make dogs anxious, often about their owner, and potentially lead to an escalation of aggression.

Dr Rachel Casey, Senior Lecturer in Companion Animal Behavior and Welfare at Bristol University, said:  “The blanket assumption that every dog is motivated by some innate desire to control people and other dogs is frankly ridiculous.  It hugely underestimates the complex communicative and learning abilities of dogs. It also leads to the use of coercive training techniques, which compromise welfare, and actually cause problem behaviors.

“In our referral clinic we very often see dogs which have learnt to show aggression to avoid anticipated punishment. Owners are often horrified when we explain that their dog is terrified of them, and is showing aggression because of the techniques they have used – but its not their fault when they have been advised to do so, or watched unqualified ‘behaviorists’ recommending such techniques on TV.”

At Dogs Trust, the UK’s largest dog welfare charity, rehoming center staff see the results of misguided dog training all the time.  Veterinary Director Chris Laurence MBE, added: “We can tell when a dog comes in to us which has been subjected to the ‘dominance reduction technique’ so beloved of TV dog trainers.  They can be very fearful, which can lead to aggression towards people.

“Sadly, many techniques used to teach a dog that his owner is leader of the pack is counter-productive; you won’t get a better behaved dog, but you will either end up with a dog so fearful it has suppressed all its natural behaviors and will just do nothing, or one so aggressive it’s dangerous to be around.”

If You’re Aggressive, Your Dog Will Be Too, Says Veterinary Study

ScienceDaily (Feb. 18, 2009) — In a new, year-long University of Pennsylvania survey of dog owners who use confrontational or aversive methods to train aggressive pets, veterinary researchers have found that most of these animals will continue to be aggressive unless training techniques are modified.

The study, published in the current issue of Applied Animal Behavior Science, also showed that using non-aversive or neutral training methods such as additional exercise or rewards elicited very few aggressive responses.

“Nationwide, the No. 1 reason why dog owners take their pet to a veterinary behaviorist is to manage aggressive behavior,” Meghan E. Herron, lead author of the study, said. “Our study demonstrated that many confrontational training methods, whether staring down dogs, striking them or intimidating them with physical manipulation does little to correct improper behavior and can elicit aggressive responses.”

The team from the School of Veterinary Medicine at Penn suggest that primary-care veterinarians advise owners of the risks associated with such training methods and provide guidance and resources for safe management of behavior problems. Herron, Frances S. Shofer and Ilana R. Reisner, veterinarians with the Department of Clinical Studies at Penn Vet, produced a 30-item survey for dog owners who made behavioral service appointments at Penn Vet. In the questionnaire, dog owners were asked how they had previously treated aggressive behavior, whether there was a positive, negative or neutral effect on the dogs’ behavior and whether aggressive responses resulted from the method they used. Owners were also asked where they learned of the training technique they employed.

Of the 140 surveys completed, the most frequently listed recommendation sources were “self” and “trainers.” Several confrontational methods such as “hit or kick dog for undesirable behavior” (43 percent), “growl at dog” (41 percent), “physically force the release of an item from a dog’s mouth” (39 percent), “alpha roll”physically — rolling the dog onto its back and holding it (31 percent), “stare at or stare down” (30 percent), “dominance down” —- physically forcing the dog down onto its side (29 percent) and “grab dog by jowls and shake” (26 percent) elicited an aggressive response from at least 25 percent of the dogs on which they were attempted. In addition, dogs brought to the hospital for aggressive behavior towards familiar people were more likely to respond aggressively to some confrontational techniques than dogs brought in for other behavioral reasons.

“This study highlights the risk of dominance-based training, which has been made popular by TV, books and punishment-based training advocates,”Herron said. “These techniques are fear-eliciting and may lead to owner-directed aggression.”

Prior to seeking the counsel of a veterinary behaviorist, many dog owners attempt behavior-modification techniques suggested by a variety of sources.

Recommendations often include the aversive-training techniques listed in the survey, all of which may provoke fearful or defensively aggressive behavior. Their common use may have grown from the idea that canine aggression is rooted in the need for social dominance or to a lack of dominance displayed by the owner. Advocates of this theory therefore suggest owners establish an “alpha” or pack-leader role.

The purpose of the Penn Vet study was to assess the behavioral effects and safety risks of techniques used historically by owners of dogs with behavior problems.

Dog whispering is a definite alternative to traditional training.

Posted:  Just One More Pet

Dogwise, All Things Dog!

Monthly Feature: BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS IN DOGS

Dog expert Cesar Millan says it’s a mistake to humanize dogs.

Source: By Jeanne Huff, McClatchy Newspapers

BOISE, Idaho — “Oh, isn’t he cute? My little smootchie-wootchy!” Some women talk baby-talk to their boyfriend or husband.

Some folks talk baby-talk to, well, babies.

And some of us talk baby-talk — to our animals.

“You shouldn’t use the D-word, as far as we’re concerned,” Diane Turner said. Turner is the proud owner of a pug named Madison, and, as the local pug meet-up group organizer, she’s speaking for the entire pug-owner world.

“Madison is my baby, and that’s the beginning and end of everything.”

So, what’s wrong with this picture? Some experts say that humanizing your pet — anthropomorphism — is just not the right relationship.

“People humanize dogs and don’t understand their psychology as pack animals,” Cesar Millan, also known as the Dog Whisperer, said on his Web site. Millan has made a business — and a small fortune — by helping people live happily with problem dogs. He’s been known to turn a nonstop barker/biter into a pussycat in a matter of 30 minutes.

“I begin by showing the dog that I am the pack leader,” Millan said. “I fulfill the dog’s need through exercise, which is walking the dog in the correct way. I give the dog rules, boundaries, and limitations … and then affection.” Millan said that especially in America, dog owners tend to overdo it on doggy love. They “give affection, affection, and more affection, when what the dog really needs is exercise, discipline — and then affection.” Turner contends that, at least for her pug Madison — and any other pug for that matter — the outpouring of affection is in no way detrimental.

“She is our baby; they’re part of the family and have the consideration anyone else in the family has. They send (Madison) cards, she sends cards, gives and receives Christmas presents.

“They’re obviously not human,” Turner acknowledged, a bit begrudgingly, “but that doesn’t make them any less a member of the family.” And, she adds, it’s not that Madison runs roughshod over the household. Turner believes in disciplining Madison — but more as you would discipline a child.

Millan says, though, that treating dogs like people can cause problems and, more often than not, it just doesn’t work.

“Many of my clients call their dog their soul mate or their baby, but the dog tears up the furniture and drags them all over the neighborhood on a walk,” he said. “The client pleads with the dog to behave, cajoles the dog, and offers her treats with no change in the dog’s behavior.”

Dogs are animals, Millan said, and they respond to calm-assertive leadership — “not emotional arguments or negotiations.” Dogs have found themselves in an odd predicament by living with humans, he said. In the wild, canines don’t need humans to achieve balance. They have a pack leader, work for food, and travel with the pack.

But when we bring them into our world, “We need to help them achieve balance by fulfilling their needs as nature intended them to be.” Millan’s formula: “exercise, then discipline, and finally, affection.”

“As the human pack leader, you must set rules, boundaries, and limitations and always project a calm-assertive energy.” By adhering to his formula, Millan said, you’ll be able to connect with your dog in a deeper way.

On the other hand, pug owner Turner said there’s no need to restrict affection.

“Madison has rules, she knows she has limitations. And she is very apologetic when she knows that she’s done something wrong. She comes and gives me kisses — just like a child would do.”

Spend the time browsing online what there is to read about the subject of cats, specifically using search terms like, “Cats are not pack animals.” Then, think upon what’s said about Asperger’s Syndrome.¹

It’s interesting to see how much cats are loved and are so popular, but yet Aspergers is not. The more you read about cats not being pack animals, the more difficult it seems to not notice the correlation between cats being like Aspies and dogs being like neurotypicals.

In the article Understanding Your Cat’s Social Nature and Behavior by Perfect Paws, the author sums up the real reason why NTs find Aspies confusing. Even though nothing about Aspergers exists in the writing, when every mention of cats is replaced with Aspergers instead, quite a different perspective is given than what psychologists give about Aspies! (I’ve bracketed the replacements and abridged some thoughts. For those who don’t know, NTs are neurotypicals.)

If you’re not up to reading the whole article by Perfect Paws, then here’s the key ingredient from it:

Social animals [NTs] have a difficult time understanding and accepting a different social structure. When we [NTs] automatically think something is wrong with the cat [the Aspie], we are superimposing on the cat [the Aspie] our [NTs] standards for “happiness.”

Even though the article The Social Nature of Cats from Best Friends Pet Care is another insightful source to use for explaining the social nature of Aspies, caution needs to be exercised when reading, “Cats [Aspies] are somewhat selfish creatures.” Just because a creature [a cat and/or Aspie] is not a ‘pack’ animal by nature, doesn’t like to be pressured to comply with or obey the will of others, and prefers to rule his own life, is no reason to label it as selfish. Equally as much as a person might perceive a cat as being selfish, the cat can think the same about that person. The next statement is accurate:

It may, then, seem somewhat difficult to train a cat [Aspie] and, in fact, most cats [Aspies] will only respond to training if what you are trying to get them to do is appealing to them.

It’s funny how the good quality about not being a pack animal is referred to as peculiar: 

There is something peculiar about their behavior: they will go to great lengths to avoid confrontation with other cats [Aspies don't like to fight if they can avoid it]. There is no need among cats [Aspies] to establish dominance because, as already mentioned, they are not pack animals and therefore do not need to fight to set up a hierarchy. Most cats [Aspies] prefer to avoid each other [especially NTs!] in an effort to avoid any possible reason for confrontation. The only time they will fight will be to protect their territory, but not any further. And even when this happens, it is mostly only a spectacle of threats rather than an actual physical fight.

Enough said from Best Friends Pet Care. Here’s a piece from Marshall in Askville:

Unlike dogs [NTs], cats [Aspies] are not “pack” animals whose greatest desire is to befriend or please one another or humans. Cats [Aspies], by nature, are “independent”, and their interactions with each other or humans is simply based upon the nature of their individual personalities–just as human interactions are. Some cats [Aspies] are very friendly and welcoming to other cats and/or humans, and others are not (feeling that the attention may be taken away from THEM or some such)–just as some humans are people-oriented and others are loners by nature, or some are friendly and others are mean.

You just were very “lucky” with your first cats! MY current two cats are SISTERS, and tolerate each other (occasionally even cuddling together)–but I wouldn’t call them “bosom buddies”. They also are both bonded strictly to ME, and won’t let other humans near them.

Just LOVE your cats [Aspies] for whatever personalities they possess, just as you would [NTs or] your own children! 
 

Since the last reference I’m about to use from Messy Beast comes from two long pages — Are Dogs More Faithful than Cats? — Are Cats Really Unsociable? — the interesting tidbits I’m plucking out will be harder to detect:

Cats [Aspies] do not have a sense of their rank in a pack and do not consider that it is your birthright to bully them into faithfulness. A mistreated cat [Aspie] will leave if it can. A mistreated dog [a NT] will often come back for more because it learns that its place in the human pack is the pariah position. Unlike dogs, cats have no vested interest in staying in a pack.

The biggest difference is that dogs [NTs] are obedient (faithful) to their pack-leader by nature, but a cat’s [Apie's] faithfulness must be earned and can’t be bullied into it. Once you have taken time to earn [an Aspie's or] your cat’s affection and devotion, you will find it just as faithful, or more so, than a dog [a NT].

Mostly it seems that the ‘experts’ are judging feline [Aspie] sociability by comparing them to dogs [NTs]. Cats [Aspies] are frequently labelled “standoffish”, “solitary”, “asocial” or “unsociable” suggesting that they just don’t like company. This supposed aloofness appeals to some people, but not to others. Feline [Aspie] “aloofness” can create or contribute to anti-cat [anti-Aspie] feeling.

 
With all this said, one last thought needs mentioning. Aspies are no where near as distinguishable in a crowd of people as cats are from dogs. Aspies who have developed a very good talent for masking their Aspieness can fool even most other Aspies. Just because Aspies and NTs are both human, each can still have a different brain structure and be equally free from disorder. 

¹I know Kathy Hoopman wrote a book called All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome. I haven’t seen it yet, but I will eventually since my curiosity won’t allow otherwise.

I’ve spent the past few days knocking a bunch of stuff around in the studio attempting to knock out some Soundscaped versions of Pack Animal poems, but mostly redefining the direction I will be taking in my live shows over the next six months. My first two attempts at giving the poem “Giving Up” a new look have resulted in music for yet, unwritten poems. This will most likely become the fodder for my upcoming CD, maybe. For sure though, this stuff will become part of the driving force behind where I want my live shows to go. I want more energy than a simple “poetry reading” can produce.

The first piece of music is an old school retro sounding funk piece. I’ll be writing the poem strictly to the drums and bass I already have and once the poem is done, I’ll be putting in the guitars, horns and such. For inspiration on this one, I’m knocking around some of the production techniques of Mark Ronson (the producer of Amy Winehouse), ?uestlove’s  take on Al Green’s retro, yet updated sound on “Lay It Down”, the stylings of the dude’s that did the music on the movie “Revolver” (I can’t remember their names at the moment), Erykah Badu’s various live funk stylings and some of the stuff used by the producers on her newest CD and a variety of other funksters that hearken back to the old days while mixing in some current methods of production ideas. Of course, my own ideas will filter the whole mix.

The second piece is a rhythmic bit that reminds me of Tool’s “Die Eier Von Satan” a bit. Percussion driven in my case though, where the poem will push over the top not unlike the way Zack de la Rocha of Rage Against the Machine has been known to attack a track. There is a bit of Nine Inch Nails in there too. A lot of glitch-type stuff is working its way into how I pull a rhythm together. How much will stay in the final mix is up for question, but it is certainly a big part of the building process.

Today, after the day job, though. I prepare for tomorrow where I tape my second round on the local access TV program “Spending a Little Time With Poetry”. The studio gets a two day break.

Over the past weekend, at a family reunion, I found myself defining myself in pretty much the same terms I’ve come to do this over the past year. Or should I say, how I explained myself was a good six months out of date. I am no longer simply a producer or beat maker, composer, whatever. I still enjoy those things and even spent yesterday pocketing some music for three tracks I will be mixing soon and arranging a third track that I will be pocketing in the next week.

One thing I failed to mention, is I am now amongst my various roles as a musician, a book publisher. Pack Animals is merely the rough draft for what is coming although, based on the reactions I’ve gotten from the chapbook, it was a rather valiant first effort with a few poets saying that it barely qualifies as a chapbook because it is of a higher quality than the chapbooks being pushed by most Los Angeles poets at the moment. This of course, doesn’t do my identity its full justice either. I have made some strides in my film oriented ventures as well from a pre-production standpoint. I will be directing and writing again beginning with my visualized pieces of my poems. I began pricing animation paper yesterday, so along with the live action stuff I’ll be unvieling over the course of time, I will also be a traditional animator. The acting part is already happening again with me moving to the theatrical stage with my group UnOccupied.

So for now, I’m not sure what the short answer is when people ask “What do you do?”. Sometimes I feel like asking them back “What don’t I do?”. The only thing that stops me from doing that is my personality is annoying enough with my usual barrage of smart-ass comments.

I keep coming back to my explanation I gave during one of Tim Sweeney’s exercises at Music Strategies. I am an Explorer. At my core, that simply seems to sum it up best for now I guess. Now.  To bring my explanations up to date on what I’m exploring? That is another matter.

There’s a part of the Music Strategies Conference where we have an open mic night offering us attendees an opportunity to show our new and reconnected friends what we are up to live, rather than just talk about it. I did a spoken word piece from my soon to be released chapbook Pack Animals that recounts the morning I woke up with a horrible pain in my abdomen and ended up having to be taken by my wife to the Emergency Room at 5 AM. The poem begins with the red light my wife ended up running because after three to five minutes, it wasn’t appearing like it was going to budge. The piece continues with my internal journey as it dawned on me that I might be dead very soon since the hospital was still minutes away and the pain was becoming exponentially worse as time progressed.

The thing is, when I realized that I may be dying, I was indifferent. That shocked me. I have endured many horrible times in my life dating back to being nine years old and bargaining with God that it’s okay to kill me if that was required to get me out of my dad’s house, but my life has been quite good for the past few years and I thought that callousness that I used as a tool to survive had been softened.

In any case, with all my experience on this topic, during the drive to the hospital and in my poem, I also recounted how when I realize that I should care about me and don’t, I look at myself through the eyes of those that do care about me and in that moment, simply resolved that my wife deserves much better than a husband that could die on her with shrugged shoulders–if I had to fight to live, I would do so with a vengeance.

After the poem, several people thanked me for sharing something so personal. I don’t know what I was expecting, but a few people had tears in their eyes as they thanked and complimented me for inviting them in to my world in such an intimate way.

Not to minimize the experience, because many of their reactions moved me, but that is a large part of what I do as an artist. I invite and encourage people to intrude in my personal life. Hell, my very thoughts. This very blog is an example of that.

Of course, there is a payback. When people reach back somehow enriched by the experience, then I feel as if I actually accomplished something.

Hey, the character I put together for my homework for UnOccupied was a success. Yeah, it needs some more work, but it’s workable and I can live with that.

Our homework for next week is taking a nod from the movie “The Five Obstructions” and imposed some obstructions on ourselves. The space our poems will take place in a Bridal Salon, the poem must be at least ten lines and the poem is to be accompanied with a picture or photograph per line. Easy…right?

In other news, I finally got my chapbooks from the printers. “Pack Animals” is now in my hands. WooHoo!

Can it get any better? Of course it can. The Lakers just won game 5. Now, I’m off to bed. My day tomorrow begins in 5 1/2 hours.

I am my own worst enemy. So far almost every performance idea I have had concerning UnOccupied has been WAY TOO CLOSE to ideas I have already formulated for my next three solo chapbooks. Tonight sitting in the movie theater with my wife waiting to see if there was any additional movie footage behind the credits of “What Happens In Vegas”, it came. Perhaps it’s time to bring out the old man that I sometimes use as a character for some of my smart ass remarks. I used an offshoot of this character and voice for the intro to Dizzy’s Hip Hop Song “The Poem”, which I did the beat for and produced. Usually, that character has something of questionable taste to tell “the lil’ chil’ren”.

For performance, maybe I can get some traction with this character from the perspective of his emancipation from popular culture. We’ll see how I feel about this tomorrow. The original piece I was going to use for my UnOccupied homework wasn’t working for me in this context because one character is a woman and the other is a little girl. A bit of a stretch for me to pull off at the moment, since I’m a guy. Until further notice, that piece has been moved over to my next chapbook “Dark Matter”. It may get the nod again with UnOccupied, but I’m not there yet with the performance aspect of it.

To a large degree I’m glad to have anything going with this considering how much time is going into getting my chapbook and website done. I took “Pack Animals” to the printer today, and ended up redoing the file to facilitate better printing only to fix the file structure and upon my return to the printer, have yet another better way of setting up the file presented to me this time by the guy that will do the printing. I almost forgot what a pain print design can be. In any case, it’s not like I have to hit a home run with this. I just have to bring the best I have and get up to bat.

One and done. For the evening that is. Dizzy swept by The Cabinet of Curiosities last night to finish killing one of the tracks I did the beat for. It was supposed to be an hour session, but as these things happen, before he came out of the booth, he wanted me to hear what he had on a Parliament oriented party track I created for him. Hah! The last time a smile crossed my face so quickly over a delivery jazz vocalist Ingrid Powell was in that room laying down THE vocal performance on Dizzy’s The Poem. Most of my beats aren’t mainstream, but that one has mainstream party track written all over it with Dizzy’s treatment of it.

After doing his thing in the booth, we got to talking about some of the directions he wants to go with his CD and I’m glad to hear that I’ll have some latitude to put the grit in his sound that I like so much. Even when I do “West Coast” style beats, at the mix stage, I want that “East Coast” flavored grit. Neither the streets, nor emotions are polished, so while I can give off the polished sound, I’m more interested in something that sounds raw and dangerous.

Change of subject. Catching up with some of the other stuff I have going on, but haven’t had time to blog about. I did the taping Saturday for the TV show “Spending a Little Time With Poetry” and that was a lot of fun. We taped three shows that day, with mine being the last of the three to tape, so I got to see the other two poets do their thing. TroyEl, in particular is a deep cat that I will be doing some stuff with in the future, so if you don’t remember the name from this post, you’ll be hearing it again soon. My episode of the TV show is supposed to air in May. When I get the date, so will you. Apparently my performance was good enough to get invited back for another round in June or July which I thought was a nice compliment. There are a lot of REALLY good poets around these parts, so I wasn’t expecting that. Oh, and it turned out that I didn’t need to bring the table for the taping that I mentioned in a previous post about my preparations for the show. Oh well. Better prepared than sorry.

In other news, I’ve been busting down the coding for my new permanent website for chriswesley.com, setting up my merchant account so I can take your credit cards and all that nonsense and finally have the formatting for the print edition of Pack Animals 99% done. I found a few mistakes in the copy while thumbing through it at the taping, but those should take me all of five minutes to correct. All this, and the movies to see Harold and Kumar (very funny) on Saturday with the wife followed by a trip to Disneyland with the wife on Sunday. Good times. Good times.    

11 PM. Five hours after getting to work and the book formatting and last minute additions are done for my chapbook Pack Animals. The first ‘draft’ of the book is printed, stapled and ready for it’s television appearance.

Tomorrow, I tape for the Spending A Little Time With Poetry local television show and I managed to get everything I wanted done for the show, done. I was supposed to have someone in the studio tonight, but he had to reschedule for Monday and I got another call while formatting the book tonight for another reschedule from May 4th to this coming Wednesday. I’m so relieved to have the book formatting done, that I’m okay with the reschedule tonight. One more thing done and crossed off of my list. I did want to spend some time working on the hook for one of the beats Dizzy is going to use, but the formatting took far longer than I was expecting. The first test print required that I make corrections to half of the book. Yay! Oh well.

Anyhow, my ’bag of tricks’ isn’t packed yet for tomorrow, but I have put the stuff I need to bring right by my gig backpack, so I can pack quickly tomorrow morning. I’m ready. I have a copy of the book, a swatch of fabric to place over the ‘merch’ table the show occassionally puts the camera on while the poets read and a table stand for my ‘GO TO MY WEBSITE’ sign. Just in case they don’t put my website info in the titles, I want people to be able to find me. I charged my digital camera, have my extra HDSD card. Now all I have to do is get my new and improved website up.

For now though, I get to be a sucka and go to bed.

No, Ti Kendrick Randall didn’t say ”kiss my class” per se, but she might as well have. The featured performer at Boutique Diva’s Underground’s Artist and Poet’s Night, Ti (pronounced tee) put her ‘angry pen’ to the mic to begin her set. By her doing this, I quickly discovered how Ti’s poise and class elevated and transformed that anger into art all the way through her set–even as she segued into how beautiful love can be. This is one Lady of Words who can get her point across without diminishing it by sounding petty and small. Get your taste of the power of her words at http://stores.lulu.com/dotkministries.

On a personal level, I had the opportunity to talk to Ti before her set and found her to be a sweet person. She came here from Maine for the weekend to pull this show off and I hope she found it worth it since she easily made it worth our while.

Blessing the stage were other standouts such as Dizzy, vocalist John Christopher, flamenco guitarist Remy, Papa Sak, Shay, BlackPRESS, Spencer Tha’ Spn’ Dr. and Food4Thot rockin’ the spot with their skills.  

Of course I did my thing under the spotlight as well. I pulled from my upcoming chapbook Pack Animals with “Garden” and “Living the Dream” taking their expressive turns. Still deep in my development, I am finding it a difficult transition from wielding my guitar on stage with the fury and confidence that comes from playing it so long, to trying to keep an audience engaged with poems whose true power is in the underlying interpretations of how we humans connect to one another.

Many of my poems are pretty short and to the point. I think my longest poem tops out at maybe one minute and twenty seconds. Hmmm. A lot of these cats are up there with two to five minute pieces so at present, I don’t have any ‘live’ influences that help me gauge what I can do to improve my live show without changing my style which I’m not ready to do.

In more intimate settings and on the page itself, I keep hearing how powerful my poems are, but I’m not getting the notion that the power is translating to larger audiences that don’t have a copy of the words in front of them. Then again, maybe my contemplative style is like a grenade. I pull the pin, but it doesn’t do it’s job until sometime later. I’ve got my work cut out for me. A lot to consider. A lot to learn. A lot to do to improve myself.

The good news though is many of the poetic peers I have met and maintain a high regard for talent-wise have seemed impressed with my writing so far and they have been ridiculously supportive and encouraging. That means a lot me. I don’t care what anyone says, even if I don’t do this for praise, praise makes the hard and insecure days as an artist less so. 

As a whole though, the night was a success. I had some people out to support me, I got to talk to John Christopher some more and set up a meeting this coming week so he can hook up some vocals on Dizzy’s CD which is awesome. This dude is in the league of Donny Hathaway. Thanks to the Divas because without this event, I never would have met this cat.

The same goes for Remy, a southerner who has the soul of a Spaniard, his sound transports me back to the streets of Ronda, Spain everytime I hear him and he’s booked to record his magic at my studio, The Cabinet of Curiosities in May.

No mistaking though. Aside from the artistic energy and the additional studio bookings, it’s the vibe that makes it so hard to leave this spot before the last poet walks off the stage and the house lights go on. Even if it always goes into the wee hours of Saturday morning.

I want people who buy my chapbook Pack Animals to register it. So. Why should they?

That question has been on my mind for weeks and I’ve already rejected giving out extra poems not in the book and giving a pdf version of the book.

Record all the poems like what I have on ReverbNation.com or provide free downloads of live shows? That’s not enough to entice me to bother registering anything, so I have no reason to believe others will be into it.

Finally, I found my answer. Free downloads of audio interpretations of the poems. Some of these interpretations will have music, some ambiances and some sound effects to compliment the poems. Some poems may have all of the above. I figure about 10 of these free, outta make the notion of registering the chapbook a bit more pallatible.

Now, what to call the recordings as a group, because I see a series of recordings here expanding beyond the 43 poems from Pack Animals. I like the idea of re-interpreting the emotions of the poems through the lens of my studio The Cabinet of Curiosities.

So, call the series Interpretations? Yawn.

Remixes? LOL.

Re-Interpretations? See the Interpretations answer.

Audile Exegesis? Too prog rock.

I’ll have to keep working on this.

Here’s one of the contenders bidding to be the most beautiful camel in all the world! 

Deep in the heart of the desert, over 20,000 hopefuls line up for the honor that is given to only one hopeful, a title that is carried with prestige, and prizes values in the millions.  What is this contest, you ask with baited breath?  Why, it’s the pageant to select the most beautiful camel in the world–taking place in the United Arab Emirates, a hot spot for dromedaries.

While there’s no swimsuit or talent portion at the Mayazin Dhafra Camel Festival, the competition is just as fierce as the camels battle it out to see who has the glossiest goat, the most attractive nose shape, and the best-looking ears.  The winners of the pageant, or rather their owners, can win a Range Rover or even up to $10 million.  Plus, having a beautiful camel also means offers from wealthy sheiks, looking to add that special mammal to their lives.  The Fox News articles quotes the top judge, camel trainer Hamad Safia Al Mari as saying, “All camels are beautiful, but I’m looking for that perfect camel.  I’m certain that here, I will fine one.”

Some quotes just speak for themselves, you know?  But, really, when I think about it, aren’t we all looking for that perfect camel?  Who needs a man when you can have a camel?

Here’s one of the contenders bidding to be the most beautiful camel in all the world! 

Deep in the heart of the desert, over 20,000 hopefuls line up for the honor that is given to only one hopeful, a title that is carried with prestige, and prizes values in the millions.  What is this contest, you ask with baited breath?  Why, it’s the pageant to select the most beautiful camel in the world–taking place in the United Arab Emirates, a hot spot for dromedaries.

While there’s no swimsuit or talent portion at the Mayazin Dhafra Camel Festival, the competition is just as fierce as the camels battle it out to see who has the glossiest goat, the most attractive nose shape, and the best-looking ears.  The winners of the pageant, or rather their owners, can win a Range Rover or even up to $10 million.  Plus, having a beautiful camel also means offers from wealthy sheiks, looking to add that special mammal to their lives.  The Fox News articles quotes the top judge, camel trainer Hamad Safia Al Mari as saying, “All camels are beautiful, but I’m looking for that perfect camel.  I’m certain that here, I will fine one.”

Some quotes just speak for themselves, you know?  But, really, when I think about it, aren’t we all looking for that perfect camel?  Who needs a man when you can have a camel?

The

The subject came up in a discussionwith a friend and since its always been a favorite of mine I’d thought I’d post on the horses and mules of the German mountain troops.  The Bundeswehr, has one brigade of true mountain troops, Gebirgsjager, who are expert skiers, climbers, and cold weather soldiers.  As part of the brigade headquarters, they maintain the Gebirgstragtierwesen (Mountain Pack Animal Detachment) 230.

 230 is a logistics unit that utilizes a combination of Halflinger mountain horses and Mules to move heavy equipment and supplies over mountainous terrain in support of the mountain brigade.  The unit has approximately 60 mules and 20 horses.  They are stationed at the General Konrad Kaserne (formerly the Gebirges Artillerie Kaserne), in Bad Reichenhall, Germany –in the heart of the Bavarian Alps. During the Cold War the kaserne was the home of the German mountain artillery battalion and mules were an important part of that unit as well –used to transport disassembled light howitzers in support of the gebirgesjager.

A great video on their training can be found by clicking on the below picture:

  The “Muli” and Halflingers have a long history with the German and Austrian mountain troops that goes back to before World War I.  A superb discussion with great pictures of the mountain troops and tragtier in particular was posted at the Society of the Military Horse discussion boards .

Military packing was once an important military craft.  The U.S. army made extensive use of mule pack trains up through and including in World War II.  Tens of thousands of mules were employed by the U.S. army as pack animals in the mountains of Italy and in the China Burma Theater.

To my knowledge, three European countries maintain active tragtier units; Austria, Germany, and Switzerland.  Austria and Germany use Mules and Halflingers while the Swiss army uses Freiberger Swiss mountain horses.  The German mules have been employed on active operations in Kosovo –though I have not heard yet of a deployment to Afghanistan.

The below video, though a little long (9 minutes), demonstrates the animals and equipment of the gebirgesjager and, if you can follow the German, tells you a little about them.

Dogs are pack animals, so it is very important when you are placing their crates that you place them close together, if you have multiple dogs.  If you only have one dog, consider placing his crate close to a family member, so that he feels close to a loved one.  Also, you should purchase a CHEAP shower curtain liner to put underneath your their crate.  This will keep any accidents from getting all over your carpet or flooring.

Happy Birthday to a friend, who turned 21 yesterday! Steph! (As it’s past midnight now…)

Visualize this:
You are in a room alone – full of options and choices.  You can read a science-fiction book, go for a run, make a speech, study birds and all their unique calls, play hockey, pray to God, build a house, try your hand at painting, shoot some photography, study for your test, try any drug you wish (no matter the means), drink a nice cold glass of milk, sleep for as long as you want, drag race your favorite sportscar, go muddin’ in a BIG truck, plant a tree, design and create a piece of clothing, get reeeaaal drunk, or get reeeeal blazed, have sex with whoever you want, make music with the artists of your choice,  or teach children in a one-room school house.  The options are endless…What would you choose to do?

Now, imagine you are in the room again, but everyone is praying to God. Do you join in?

The group is now getting drunk/high.  Do you participate?

Oh whoops, the group changed their mind again- they are going to go bowling.  Do you partake?

Notice a change in your first and second decisions?  What if you wanted to go bowling when everyone was praying to God or what if you wanted to read your book when all your good friends were out bowling? Or what if you just wanted to stay sober when everyone else got fucked up?  Would you do it?

Peer pressure, social anxiety, social norms.  What can you do?  My decisions contradict each other – even now.  I’m sure there’s some theory for what I’m discussing, but I don’t “study” this discipline like I do study courses in school, so it’s hard to say.  People’s decisions fluctuate based on who they are with at that moment in time.  I beg to think that people’s emotions and perhaps opinions follow this same pattern – they fluctuate based on the following factors: who they are with, where they are, what they’re doing and what kind of mood the person is in.

A  habit we must break.
Follow your own internal compass.
Not your friend’s
Or your honey pie’s

This brings me full circle to a topic I am able to see FULLY…(suprisingly…haha)

WHOLE
Eat the whole damn pie.
WHOLE
Holes filled.
WHOLE
breaking free and begging for more

A lot of spiritualities (that are still strict in beliefs and traditions) enforce guidelines/principles and are even strict in their meditation (and to think my brother thought spirituality was just about crystal balls).  Well, a lot of them encourage chastity, no masturbation, and redirecting your sexual energy for more practical suitable purposes.

A LOT of religions or spiritualities do that. F***that! (This isn’t a formal blog…but I will try to keep it from being offensive.)  If with the “right” person (interpret as you will), could you see sex being spiritual?  I mean, honestly? Perhaps it is the greatest physical gift you can give someone (if given right) -that is very intertwined with spirituality and the emotional psyche.  I mean, honestly, do you follow me?

So, what I’m basically saying is that spirituality tends to de-emphasize the body…and even sexuality.  Do you think sex should be renewing and wholesome?  Or perhaps you want to feel guilty or awkward after your sexual encounter?  Haha, at this point in my life, I guess I wouldn’t completely know, but for those star-crossed spiritual lovers out there, could you answer my question sincerely?  Would appreciate to hearyour input on here.

A very cool quote that may inspire you and give you hope (especially if you’re gay or you like the idea of enjoying sex in a healthy way):

“Sexuality and the vital world are the first souls for the organization and creative development of immanent Spirit in human reality.  This is why it is so important that sexuality be lived as a sacred soil free from fears, conflicts, or artificial impositions dictated by our minds, cultures, or spiritual ideologies.”
-Jorge N. Ferrer, ” What Does It Mean to Live a  Fully Embodied Spiritual Life?” in The International Journal of Transpersonal Studies
[[A Professor at the California Institute of Integral Studies (San Francisco, CA)]]

Spirituality (even religion) shouldn’t limit us.
It should let us be free
From the fires of torment and addiction.

Waiting
Here
On
Living
Earth
(t0)
Explode

When can you say you are content with yourself?
Exterior and interior shell happily aligned?

I know that we are changing daily.
But…are you listening to that shifting change?
Are you doing what you would do in a room by yourself?
Or are you still in that room full of other people?

Try changing rooms (even if you’re in the former room)
Mix it up.
Observe your thinking patterns.
What leads you to one activity?

WHOLE-some balance
through Moderation

I want a WHOLE : strong body composed of :
a WHOLE :                                                       : developed mind
a WHOLE :                                                       : loving soul
a WHOLE :                                                       : alive spirit

I feel MOST ((whole)) when all 4 of these categories are engaged.  That’s usually in Nature, but it can be inside too. Gosh, there are a lot of activities and things I do that make me feel WHOLE-some, but I don’t want to list all of them here.  (I am attempting to be more succinct.)  And I truly believe, that the challenge of  feeling and being WHOLE-some is different for every person; to find those activities that do so, I think  you just need to get in that room by yourself and find out what you truly want to do (sans any one else’s thoughts, opinion, or influence).  [[That can be taken literally & metaphorically. Haha]]

Here is what helps me feel so ((whole)):

1. Drinking water in the morning, the afternoon, and night.  It makes my insides bubble and tickle.  Okay, maybe not to that point, but I think we forget how much our bodies crave and need water…especially in winter, since we don’t thirst as much.  When I purposefully remind myself to drink water, I just feel….better, more whole.
2. Cooking a homemade meal and cleaning every drop of mess I made (even if the meal sucked and I am eating alone).
3. Having the whole house/apartment to myself, and just leaving all the doors open. It’s like living in one huge room!  No boundaries, no obstacles.  I wish I could do this more often, but I don’t think I want anyone to see me on the pot…but is it really that big of a deal that the U.S. makes it into (shitting that is…We all do it)?
4. Speaking of the toilet, we waste so much water…I feel good when I don’t flush the toilet like 5,000x’s in one day. So what if there’s a little yellow liquid at the bottom and some paper?  As long as my dog doesn’t drink it.
5. Smiling at strangers and receiving a heart-warming lovely smile back from them.  I sometimes wonder what they are like, if they could be my neighbor and I just don’t realize it…and I wonder what makes them happy in life.

—–

When I think of a neighborhood, I am reminded of my dog yesterday. I was raking leaves outside and there’s been this stray dog wandering about recently.  Buck, our dog, is very domesticated and when I say domesticated, I mean it- he’s spoiled and gets away with a bit much. Anyway, he sees this stray dog (Buck is on a leash still) and freaks his shit out, starts barking incessantly at the other strange dog and thinks he’s accomplishing something by barking at him.  He fluffs up the hair on his shoulders, starts doing this like “rocker horse” thing (where he throws his upper body in the air and then comes down like a big blow-up Christmas decoration/something ~ it’s hillarious)…and well, the other dog just kind of ignored him.  The stray dog eventually expressed interest in Buck, but then left… (probably thinking he was another normal suburbanized dog, haha…Why waste his time?)

But no, I was annoyed at first…at Buck for barking.
It was like 11am on a Saturday.
He could be waking up the whole street.
Silly dog.

But then I investigated my thoughts further.
What about this dog? Buck lives in a 3 bedroom house with 2 living rooms, a small backyard, and side yard to roam.  He gets out on walks, but they are short due to his mediocre health and he has probably spent the majority of his life sleeping -  no  joke, sleeping.  What about this dog? He hasn’t met many, many dogs in his life.  Think about how dogs used to be before humans took over the Earth; they interacted, humped each other, fought each other, and played like pups.  Weeeiird.  I don’t see many dogs do these things days – then again, I don’t hang around many dogs.

I bet apart of Buck was just happy to see another dog, curious to sniff him, see what he was all about…and maybe have a good ol’ romp in the grass too. (Let’s hope it wouldn’t have been a bloody romp.) It’s nice to be around your own kind, to know that you’re not alone.  Like males hanging with other males.  Females with females.  But then a gain, it doesn’t always have to be like that…

Sometimes I think about all the
Strangers
In their Houses
On my street
Right Now,
What they’re doing
And how great it’d be
To stop what they are doing right now
To have a huge block party.

Where: My House
When: NOW!!
A small bonfire illuminates the faces of many
Who live together
Yet never knew it
Till
Now.

Why did it take so G.D. Fucking long?

Kids riding their bicycles
Even though dusk has set in.
The Parents are chatting it up.
Some kids are roaming from yard to yard
Playing their best version of hide and seek known to man.

I can feel the excitement bubbling in the air.
I’ve got 7 new friends,
a new recipe for macaroni and cheese,
a yoga buddy,
and a heart full of friendly neighborly love.
Why don’t we do this more often?
And get away from our T.V.’s?

Dogs need other dogs.
And like dogs,
We need other humans
Why not our neighbors?
To make a wholesome community
Truly ((whole))

Thanks for reading!!

And time for your linkly special (haha):

Spiders have sex HOW?  Haha, A link from a friend.

A Very Beautiful Woman that can sing (in my opinion)

And just because I feel like my linkly special theme is especially sexual, here’s an example of a very cool spiritual dance that Margiis do (Margi =follower of Ananda Marga, a spirituality) and it’s the most amazing divine music/dance I have seen yet.

A Guided Meditation by a DaDa (=Ananda Marga monk)  – Enjoy if you so wish to! (click on the wav file)

I’ve just finished the first of the three new Torchwood books – Pack animals by Peter Anghelides.  I liked it but I wouldn’t say I loved it.  Other Torchwood books I’ve polished off in an evening but this one took several days.  I think it took me time to adjust to where it was in the Torchwood timeline but nice to have the old gang back together again.

The MonstaQuest set of game cards come to life unleashing aliens, beasts, weather events and freakish plantlife upon the people of Cardiff.  Amid much dismembering of bodies and a seemingly rival outfit called Achenbrite, Torchwood eventually save the day.

There are bits of the story you just feel like you’ve read or seen before – the cards coming to life, Ianto as the invisible man. Still, not a bad read.