German Cyclist Fail

Picture by: Tracey M. Submitted by: dunno source via Fail Uploader

This summer I went to Neuschwannstein Castle in Germany. I was running up to the castle to be on time for my tour when I saw, well… that.

Japanese Idol Akari Satsuki

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Well, i slept through until 9.00am and when i got up was not sure whether i felt better or worse.  i was definitely still heavy headed but that could have been from the heavy sleep.  However, i had no appetite and coffee or tea made no difference, they both tasted the same – bland.  i felt like just going back to bed but i had too much to do with having to travel tomorrow early up to Cusco and on to site to do some fieldwork on our project.  i am a little concerned about going up to altitude not feeling 100%.  i do not normally suffer from altitude sickness and am quite able to work at high altitude but i have seen very able people who can normally operate quite well in that environment really struggle when they are not well.  The trip is only for 2 days but at over 4,500m above sea level it will be arduous so i am not looking forward to it.  i could cancel or postpone it but tickets are bought and not changeable – because we are strapped for cash and reduced to buying special fares!  So, i got on with what i had to do although i did not dress properly, i simply pulled on a tracksuit over my PJ’s, i really did not feel well enough to be bothered.

By lunchtime i was flagging and took myself off to bed for a couple of hours, proof that i was right not to have removed my Pj’s.  Again i slept solidly but felt little better on waking up.  In the afternoon, i was busy with corporate business and joint venture legalities and in the evening i packed and prepared for my early rise and departure.  Once done, i came online to enter my blog and found Mistress Ana on line.  We were able to chat very briefly but enough to find out that the price for the pendant will be fine as long as it is not flimsy.  So i will go back on Monday, all being well, and finalise the job.

Now, having brought my blog up to date, i shall go to be and be back on line on Monday all being well.

Though it might have been a holiday for some, not for me so it was up as usual and off to work but not before i had put on the same pink lace and mesh bra as yesterday and with a pair of panties to match.  Both under my male clothes of course.  Mind you, i was looking forward to the evening.  Having been invited for Thanksgiving dinner by Goddess Joyce, i had half an inkling that i might be able to change “en femme” once there.  i had no idea who else might be there other than Her mother and husband but it hasn’t mattered much in the past for i have been present as roxie in front of friends and family on a number of occasions.  It just seems to depend on which family members are present.

In any event, it was work before pleasure and i had quite a full day working on attracting finance for our exploration ventures as well as trying to turn out products for a client to bring in some funds that will pay the bills.  As the day wore on i began to feel unwell.  By lunchtime i had a headache and felt nauseous rather than hungry.  i tried eating something and then regretted it for it just made me feel worse.  i was thinking of calling Goddess Joyce and making my excuses but see all too little of Her as it is so held off until i felt really unwell.  As it turned out, not unexpectedly, Goddess Joyce interrupted my day at about 3.00pm, with some requests for me to pick some things for Her to bring along in the evening.  This is par for the course.  She likes to give me challenges and make me run around town for Her.  She wanted 3 music CDs that She apparently has been unable to find.

i had planned to visit a jeweler on my way to Goddess’ apartment to see about getting a pendant made for Mistress Ana so taking in a couple of music stores that i knew that were nearby would not be a problem, i just hoped that they would have the CDs.  As it turned out, the first store i entered had all three and i didn’t even have to search for them.  The assistant was just great!  At the jewelers, no problem in making the pendant for about $200 in solid gold.  Now i just need to know if that will be OK for Mistress Ana.  So, instead of the hour and a half i had allowed myself, i was finished in half an hour so had the best part of an hour to kill before continuing on to Goddess’s apartment.

i had already decided not to take any “femme” clothing because i really did not feel 100%.  My headache had eased but my muscles still ached.  i felt like i was coming down with the flu and even though it was quite warm, i would shiver at times and feel hot at others.  i considered canceling again but in the end i turned up, still a little early but was made very welcome.  Senora Sylvia, Goddess’ mother was there, busy in the kitchen.  i offered to help but was quickly told to open the wine i had brought, pour some for everyone and relax. In addition to Senora Sylvia and Goddess’ sub-husband, Goddess’ aunt, uncle and cousin also arrived.  We enjoyed an excellent meal with good conversation although i confess that at times the speed of the spanish left me behind.  However, i chatted a lot with Goddess’ uncle, a macho CID policeman.  i couldn’t help wondering what he would have thought or said had he knew about my D/s relationship with Joyce and that under my male clothes i was wearing feminine underwear.  i wondered too if he could smell my female deodorant?  Whatever, he was kind enough to give me a lift home afterward.

Goddess’ aunt is a stunning looking lady although only short.  She has the most beautiful eyes and an enormous bust line for someone so short and with such a slender waist.  But it is Her eyes that catch attention even though She wore a beautiful low cut green patterned top with sequins that made no attempt to hide Her magnificent breasts.  Also, for someone so small, She has a commanding presence in a room.  i remembered meeting Her previously at Goddess’ wedding and thinking then how well She made Her presence felt without going over the top.

As the evening went on though, i began to feel more an more jaded and was getting to be eager to leave.  i noticed Goddess, now exactly 40 weeks pregnant and looking every day of it, closing Her eyes for a moment in a lull in the conversation.  When She opened them again i caught Her eye and mentioned that She must be tired and too my, and i think also Her, relief, everyone agreed that it was time to head home. It was gone 11.00pm and by the time i fell into bed close to midnight, i couldn’t get into bed fast enough.  By now, i was quite feverish and lay in bed shivering one minute and sweating the next.  i had made myself a hot toddy of lemon juice, whisky and honey and taken a couple of panadol in the hope of warding off whatever it was that was about to bug me and soon drifted off to sleep.

Former Atomic Kitten member found a way to attract the eyes of all those present at Take That’s video game launching party.

How did she do it? Easy. The star’s white panties could be seen quite clearly through her see-thru pants. A very courageous choice. However, with or without underwear in sight, Jenny had a great time. Especially as she had to be carried home after losing the ability to walk…

Not many of us get the chance to poke a super model. We just  look at photos while thoughts like ‘WANNA NAIL THE BITCH TO THE WALL!”, ‘GET THOSE FCUKIN TITS OUT!’ and ‘GET THOSE PANTIES OFF!’ float through our minds.

So we just have to console ourselves with the fantasy and the occasional upskirt shots of supermodels like Karolina Kurkova.

GOTCHA BITCH!

After coming all the way to earth to save that man from getting hit by that car, I don’t think the head angel wanted me to do it by making him into my panties.

Oh well though. If I’m going to spend a week down here I need something to wear. I wonder if there is anyone else I can help…?

I have this amazing fantasy that I meet London Guy at the train station later tonight in just my favorite black overcoat and my darling new black heels. Oh, and did I mention the French lingerie?

If you click, you might see what I dare to wear this evening… if I can muster up the courage.

HHNT! Don’t forget to stop by Osbasso’s to see who else is playing.

Macy’s Bra and Panty catalog

Victoria’s Secret

Frederick’s of Hollyweird

Still Sexy After all these Years

Twin bed pans overlooking the Septic Tank

Is Sarah Palin Qualified to Squeeze the Cheese?

Traveling Naked

Avoid a fat head

It is better to be drunk than wasted

How to Travel Naked

Beer Alert

A Constellation of Idiots

It is Better to be Drunk than Wasted

Texas Toast

Going GaGa!

GooGoo GaGa

Oct 31 is dress up like Lady GaGa day.  Halloween is canceled!

Happy GaGaWeen!

Burned Tranny

Online Job Search

Government Work

Job Search

Job Search for the Older Worker

Dressed as Lady Gaga

Monster Ball

Ultimate Costumer

Becoming Gaga

Gagging on Gaga

Sexy

Which witch to twitch?

Prepare to go Gaga

A Hottie does GaGaWeen right

Rush Limbaugh

How to find a Government Job

How to make Money

It is better to Drunk than Wasted

Job Search for the Older Worker

Alternative Job Hunt

Get Free Stuff

MARXIST MEDICINE

COMMIE CARE

ENEMY OF THE STATE

YouTube Lady GaGa Bad Romance

Amy Leaks?

090909

How to Lead a Secret Life

Avoid a fat head

It is better to be drunk than wasted

How to Travel Naked

Beer Alert

A Constellation of Idiots

It is Better to be Drunk than Wasted

Texas Toast

Let us say that you find your selves in the throes of ardor with some hot neoprene nymph when your supposed flesh and blood beloved enters the room.  Is she amused that you cheated on her with a Latex Lover.  Well that’s what Chicken Choker first class would have us believe:

Copping a Rubber Feel

Fashion and blow up dolls

Sarah Palin Sex Doll

Sex with an Android

Doing the Doll

Plastic Orgy

Choking that plastic chicken.

090909

How to Lead a Secret Life

Exotic Vacations

Traveling Naked

Avoid a fat head

It is better to be drunk than wasted

How to Travel Naked

Beer Alert

A Constellation of Idiots

It is Better to be Drunk than Wasted

Texas Toast

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Runes and Moons

Zazzle!

Angelic Verses

DeviantArt

Rumors of Angels

LuLu

CafePress

Luck

Digital Art

Angel Sightings

Cyber Rainbows

Selling Rainbows

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vibrating ruby thong

Hands-free, 3 function, quiet, pulsating and vibrating remote control panty. Push button activation for total freedom of movement with powerful 15-20 foot range. Micro batteries included.

Check them out here

You aint getting none, originally uploaded by sizzled.

houseguests bring the darndest things when they stay at your place.

The internet, the cowardly faggots guise to act like a badass faggot.

A friend of mine commented on this loser guys video on Youtube; where this guys fat loser friends are doing MMA and backyard fighting and shit, litterally my friend wrote “ you guys blow, my sister could take you all down“.
Big deal? Pretty innocent really…
All of a sudden this guy, who btw is a big, fat ugly immigrante from mexico or something, goes all bananas and writes these long derogatory comments to my friend, with sexist slurs and mocking his martial arts, calling him a ballerina, among many things.

Haha, I think this was very funny so I just had to write my thoughts back to that fat loser guy; then he goes banans on me too and for the past hours we’ve been throwing back and forth several long swearing comments at eachother.
I find it all so hillarious because this guy is such a loser, his grammar and spelling is so awful but what is most fun is that I play the game taunting him racially and appearance wise.

-Im like ” no hablo español” and ” learn ingles, por favor“, haha.

To demonstrate what he wrote, here is an excerpt “ u lil bitch ho u aint nothing shit u think u tough cuz u on the internet but in real life u aint shit u come on over to my place i fuck u up the ass u like hat dont you fucking ballerina boy , lol ur mom happy u boy turned into a girl you be dancing with ur flips u aint nothing u fight u lose against my boys, pussy “
Now he is also spamming my videos writing “ I hope everybody knows youre a racist” just because I got into his ‘argument’ with my friend…urgh, I just write back “ immigrante!“.
I suppose by now most people know I am somewhat of a racist at times, but who isnt?
That comment was of little magnitude…
Yeah, sometimes it is okay to be an ass on the internet, if you GOTTA reply back an even bigger ass hole…
This guy…how can you take him seriously?       vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

But then again, maybe I shouldnt have replied at all?
I could have been the adult in this situaiton because apparently he is not

Then again, I dont usually use my ‘internet asshole’ powers to their full extent so this was just something to let some steam out…and it was goooood.
This blog doesnt count cuz this here be serious shit!

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American Eagle now has a handful of satin panties.  Check them out.

Satin Panties

aerie satin and lace bikini
new arrival
3 for $25
Style: 3445-0914  |  97% polyester, 3% spandex

$12.50

beyond basic…

• our softest stretchy fabric

• super low rise

• full coverage

• sexy satiny look and feel

• ruffly lace stretchy trim

• v-shaped lace inset on back

Imported, machine wash

aerie tuxedo garter boybrief
Style: 6445-0902  |  92% polyester, 8% spandex

$14.50

boost your seductive style…

• lightweight stretchy satin

• low rise

• full coverage

• sexy tuxedo-inspired styling

• pretty picot lace trim

• sultry back mesh waist

• removable ribbon garters

• perfect pair

make it a set…

pairs perfectly with aerie simply irresistible tuxedo bustier.

Imported, machine wash

WE GOT DA BITCH!

LOOK AT THE STATE OF IT:

If I know one thing it’s that girls who only shop at Victoria’s Secret for the bras/panties/sexy lingerie are really missing out. That Vicki has a lot more to offer than lacy underthings that make your boobs look huge; Victoria’s Secret is also an awesome place to stock up on clothes, shoes and beauty products. They even have jeans that give your butt some lift!

VS is truly a one-stop-shop for all your girlie needs and the best news is, you can find things within your college gal budget (i.e. under $20). Shop on, ladies. Shop on!

Henley sweaters are a casual and comfy way to keep cozy this season, and not only is this on sale for $19, but you get a free scarf with your purchase as well! Score!

Ok, so technically this set of bras isn’t under $20, but it’s 2 bras for $32, which brings each down to only $16 a pop. (That’s only $8 a boob!) Where can you find a deal like that on good quality comfy bras? Nowhere.

Lip gloss should always be in your purse and with a 5 for $20 deal on all Victoria’s Secret makeup, you can stock up on a whole bunch of items that’ll help ya look lovely. Seriously, the VS makeup is really great quality stuff and I highly recommend loading up.

Leggings are my go-to during winter months; they tuck into boots fabulously, look adorable with oversized sweaters, and for those really cold days, you can put them under your jeans.  VS has these that are 2/$20 and come in a wide array of colors. I definitely plan on stocking up (no pun intended).

No, I don’t know why this girl is wearing pajamas to go bike riding in a prairie, but I do know that when you’re looking for comfort, the Pink collection is the way to go. These pants are great for lounging in your dorm, at home during the holidays, or when you need to run out to get a Gatorade on a Saturday morning.

I happen to think that sweaters are totes cute and I always look forward to sweater weather. And this sweater is one of the reasons why. I love the turtleneck, sleeve length and button details, and at $15, you can’t go wrong.

These panties manage to pull off sweet & sexy at the same time, and the hipster and cheeky cut will do wonders for your tush. With so many cute prints/colors to choose from, I’d be hard-pressed to find a reason not to grab up multiple pairs…

Wrap tops are flattering on every figure and do a great job of accentuating your curves. Mix that perk with the fact that this cotton top will be comfortable enough to wear to lecture and sexy enough to wear for a girls’ night out and you’ve got yourself the perfect addition to your fall/winter wardrobe!

P.S. If you shop today, you can take an extra 20% off one item! Let’s all give thanks to our new BFF, Victoria!

As I left the grocery store, a red strobe came from every wall, sending all other shoppers into grand mal seizures. An auto tuned Morgan Freeman impersonator asked me to wait for an employee to assist me. A giant steel cage slammed down over me, separating me from my cart full of foodstuffs. I asked to be taken back to the security office so the ex-marine-looking gentleman eyeing my receipt could search for the stolen merchandise in my ass. But they wouldn’t do it. So I guess this Vizio LCD is mine.

What pisses me off about shoplifters is not that they violate social norms or contribute to the overhead that fuels price increases. It’s that they think they deserve some kind of dignity when they’re caught. You took a pack of Rolos, cock flap. You don’t get to walk to the back with a jacket over your hands and your head held high. You get to be tackled by seven cart-pushers and dragged, weeping, through the produce aisle, while they announce your legal name and address over the loudspeaker. You’re not taking a loaf of bread or a pair of baby shoes. You get no pity, queef whippit. Actually, even if you were, I’d still point and laugh because you’re fucking poor.

Even better: the fat bitch who tries to fight the security guys off. She’s always screaming something trashy, like “he’s trying to get down my panties!” or “Fuck you, man! I brought that chicken in with me!” or “Kick him in the nuts, Kenny!” She rolls around, pseudopods of corpulence stretching outward and covering onlookers with a yellow, pube-garnished paste before sliding back into the vicinity of her Tweety Bird tube top. She is the complete opposite of the “don’t draw attention to me” breed. She wants everyone to know that she’s the kind of nasty whore who hides crack rocks and stolen makeup in tampon applicators.

Stealing is wrong and hilarious. Seriously… is the cost of petty theft so high that it justifies the camera systems, security guys, electronic anti-theft systems and those little tag things that cum ink and battery acid? I have a great idea: smaller stores where inventories can be monitored by the people who actually work there. If you want one-stop shopping, go to the mall, shithead. Besides, they have corn dogs there. And corn dogs rule.

Sometimes its what you put on before you get dressed that makes an outfit feel sexy and gives you a boost of confidence. Lingerie serves two very important yet different roles. First, the right undergarments can lift, hold in, smooth out and enhance your body’s natural attributes. And second, lingerie can make you feel prettier, sexier and more feminine. And I give my personal guarantee that when you feel great, you look great. So take some time out of your overscheduled life to shift through your overstuffed drawers. Then see which bras, panties and shapewear you might need, from everyday essentials to the sexiest little something’s.

Bras

This may come as a surprise to some, but bras, worn regularly have a shelf life of about a year. How long since you changed out your bras?

1. Trial and Error. Are the straps stretched out? Have the cups lost their shape? Is the lace torn? A “yes” means you need to say bye-bye to the bra.
2. Fit. When was the last time you were measured for a bra? How do you know if you have a good fit? Is your bra comfortable or are you just used to the way it fits? Does it ride up in back, indicating it is too large? Does it create bulges, indicating it is too tight? Are your shoulders indented from the straps, indicating that the straps are carrying the weight of the bust? A bra is an engineering work of art. Support comes primarily through the band and cup construction.
3. The best place to start is to find a small specialty store where you can get good, personalized service and, most importantly, where the owners and employees know how to properly fit a bra. Department stores generally have a large turnover of employees, most of whom are only working part-time. It is hard for them to know the merchandise, and few have been trained in proper undergarment fit.
4. Flex Your Shopping Muscle. Once you have your nude and black go-to’s consider ways to liven up the work week. Gray, navy and forest green can also be worn under dark garments.
5. Bra checklist – t-shirt, strapless, special occasion and plunge.

Two great lingerie boutiques that offer free bra fittings with no appointment required: BEESTUNG Lingerie de Femme they are conveniently located at 2504 Yonge Street (north of Eglinton Ave) and/or The Bra Boutique at 5867 Leslie Street (north of Finch).

Bras are like shoes — they all fit differently. Size varies by style and manufacturer. And the size is not as important as the fit. If it fits well, feels comfortable, and looks good, then this is the size for you.

Panties

Of course you have your cotton pairs for the gym and your sexy, lacy ones for, well you know. The real revolution is in the underwear you put on for work. New seamless bottoms that create a sleek fit for any cut clothing is now easily accessible and promises no visible pantie lines.

1. Miss Match. Even if you select the world’s tiniest G-string, if it’s white, it will be visible under a white skirt or pants. White is never completely opaque. Choose a colour instead, that’s close to your skin tone.
2. Boy shorts are a great alternative to the thong under dresses. There’s no risk of indecent exposure or of having your dress “get caught” when you sit.
3. Panty checklist – thong, bikini, boy shorts and briefs.

Don’t discount shapewear, there are a variety of great products out there that will make you look and feel fabulous. My favourite line is Spanx! I own at least 6 pairs from full slips to bottom & legs. You should have at least one!

Remember the sexier you feel in your unmentionables the sexier and confident you’ll feel when you add the extra layers of your outfit. Opt for silk and lace slips, a stretch lace bodysuit or a lace and tulle bustier for some instant sex appeal. One of my favourite lines is Strumpet & Pink: they create knickers that are a complete concept. Exploring a woman’s sensuality and sexuality and making manifest her desires and fantasies combining concept, innovation and beauty. Their knickers are experiential and focus on feeling rather than objectification. Each pair is handmade with exquisite attention to detail, combining pure silk fabrics and cut on the bias in such a way as to accentuate the whole figure, tracing and disclosing the female form.

Here are a few fabulous sites that will help, to get you in the mood, answer questions and get you excited about taking your clothes off:

Faithful Tip

Want to feel instantly sexy? Wear those pieces you save for you know what and pair them with your everyday clothing. I bet you’ll notice a skip in your step and seductiveness in your smile.

No silly dreams last night, i slept soundly and woke up refreshed ready for the start of another week on the road.  i chose my olive-grey lace bra this morning, it is one of my favourites for it pushes my breasts out nicely and is very comfortable.  With them i put on almost transparent grey mesh panties from La Senza , one of my favourite underwear stores that i visit whenever i am in Toronto.  Sadly, the weekend being over, it was male outer clothes all day although, of course i wore stiletto heels, a lovely maroon pair with an open toe and a small platform, while at my desk, which was most of the day.

i had received a mountain of messages overnight and most needed to be dealt with quite urgently and then there was the work i had scheduled for today that couln’t be put off.  So, it was a long day but it was at least pleasantly interspersed with conversations online and over the phone with Mistress Ana and Goddess Joyce respectively.  It was, as ever, lovely to chat with Mistress Ana, even though in the course of the conversation i managed to earn two causes for punishment on my return.  The first for not admitting quickly enough that She was always at least one step ahead of my thoughts and the second for still not having painted the humbler bright red.  i explained that i have the paint but that i have to be very careful and discrete in when and where i do the painting, all of which is true but my delay on this is not acceptable and so i shall be punished,

To an outsider, the beating i shall get for these two misdemeanours might seem harsh but i accept them quite gladly.  People might think that anyone who allows another to paddle his rear or whip him must have something missing upstairs but that is not the case.  The exercise is one in which Mistress reasserts Her authority and control and is necessary so as to maintain the Owner/slave relationship and keeps me, the slave, very much in my place.  Believe it or not, but i actually need this form of discipline and although it hurts and i never actually relish the painful aspects of it, it is a bonding experience and one after which i feel so emotionally close to my Owner that the elation is hard to describe.  Elation?  Yes, for i am filled with respect for Mistress Ana plus love and joy that i belong to such a strong willed woman who could have number of slaves but has included me among them and has given me in return, Her love and Her nurturing.  D/s is not all about punishment, there is the nurturing aspect also and Mistress has been more than generous in Her gifts to me both physical, like the shoes, handbag and clothing for example, as well as in shaping my behaviour, my femininity and my emotional well being.

So, though i now have punishment lined up, i knew that i would have some punishment and need some discipline when i am next with Mistress anyway.  My chat on the phone with Goddess Joyce was equally enjoyable even though i failed to find the wine that She specifically requested.  The truth is that it does not exist.  i tried the best wine  merchants in Lima and even went to the winemaker’s website and discovered that it does not exist, not these days anyway.  i suspect it to be a wine that She enjoyed several years ago and that it has been superceded.  In any event, there will be some additional punishment for me there no doubt, especially because i could not find the raspberry leaf tea either!  But punishment shows that She cares and that i too care enough to do my best for Her when running errands.

Such failures are not crimes as such for they cannot be helped but they would be if i were to be deliberately lax in my efforts.  In that case, the punishment is a way of making me shape up or ship out.  If i did not want to serve then i would not serve well and so would resent the punishment and would walk away from the relationship.  The essence of the discipline is that by accepting it i am confirming that i truly do wish to continue in the relationship and that i need to do more to please my Owner.  Everything has its price, and the punishment and pain that goes with discipline is the payment for the joy of belonging to and having a close personal relationship in service of beautiful, strong willed women like Mistress Ana, Goddess Joyce and Lady Dynah, each of whom i adore and am very proud to know and serve.