Gregoire Courtine has been warned that, as a scientist, he runs the occupational risk of being too pragmatic.

“Stop by the rehab center; look at the people who are struggling to make one step, fighting to stabilize their trunk,” he recalls being told at the start of his collaboration with the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation. “When you go home, you are going to think about what you are going to change tomorrow in your lab that will make the life of these people better.”

Courtine currently works as a researcher at the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology (EPFL). Speaking before an audience of fellow scientists at the American Association for the Advancement of Science meeting in Boston last week, he seemed far from a pragmatist. Courtine was presenting the latest research from his lab on treatments for paraplegia, alongside five others who study body-enhancing technologies for people with physical disabilities at EPFL and Harvard Medical School.

“I need to stress the dramatic consequences of spinal cord damage for the affected individual,” he began. “Their life shatters in a matter of seconds.”

Normally, the brain and spinal cord communicate, or interface, with one another to move the body. Courtine’s lab replicates that process by implanting specially-made, flexible electrodes in the spine of bodies that no longer have a working central nervous system. A combination of these electrode arrays with pharmaceuticals and robotic rehabilitation has made successful steps in experiments with rats, and Courtine looks forward to seeing how it may be adapted to work in humans.

“I decided to shift the paradigm,” he said, explaining that a person who is paralyzed has all the necessary muscles to recover, but because of the injury they are just “in a dormant state.”

He used the analogy of an automobile to describe his idea, asking the audience to imagine the musculoskeletal system (bones, muscles, joints, ligaments, tendons) as a perfectly functional car — except that the engine is turned off.

“To reactivate the engine, what first you must do is provide the fuel, second is press the accelerator pedal, and, finally, somebody has to steer,” he said.

In his work, the fuel is a “pharmacological cocktail” (a blend of drugs to prepare the nerves for stimulation) and the accelerator is constant electronic stimulation of the nerves to promote growth. When it comes to “steering,” it is unclear who or what will take on that role in humans — in the experiments done so far, the rats must use a robotic stabilization system since they, as quadrupeds, have trouble balancing to begin with when walking on two legs. Balancing will also be a challenge for humans, who must bear the weight of a hefty head and trunk.

What Courtine says: “an integrated cortico-spinal neuroprosthesis that aims at restoring voluntary control of locomotion after a complete spinal cord injury.”

What he means: He hopes to implant, with surgery, a mechanical object that can seamlessly communicate from the brain to the spine so that a paralyzed person may move and walk again.

During his AAAS presentation, Courtine showed a short clip of a rat from his lab walking forward with “full weight-bearing movement” toward a female researcher. Its motivation? “The most powerful pharmacology in Switzerland: fine Swiss chocolate,” Courtine joked.

The two main objectives in Courtine’s project, dubbed the ReWalk program, are to establish this restorative process in rats and then translate it to humans. He said his team has braced themselves for attempting this species jump because it usually brings “more failure than success.”

Further down the line, though, he hopes to use a rat’s actual thoughts to directly control its spine, since for right now the electrode, when implanted in the spine, must be controlled by an external remote control. He hopes the first results of this endeavor will be available in a few years.

His lab is also ongoing work with “neural stem cell bridges” that would send axons up and down the spinal column to help re-establish connectivity in the nerves, something that the body does already to a small extent after a spinal cord injury.

Courtine’s vision of the future in paraplegia rehabilitation includes a machine that can be programmed to deliver the “pharmacological cocktail” into the spinal cord intermittently, in order to constantly prepare the nerve cells to fire and communicate signals.  This process would be almost entirely controlled by devices inside the body, rather than a team of doctors or scientists.

“We would slide it in between the vertebrae and the spinal cord, so it’s a very small, noninvasive [procedure],” he said.

He also hopes that he could, at that point in time, train human patients to walk using his lab’s neural prosthesis, and that eventually, after about a year, they might be able to be weaned off of the electrical stimulation and continue to walk without it.

“We have the first evidence in the rat that this might be possible,” he said.

To close, Courtine showed a film about a man he works with, Davide, who has been paralyzed in one leg for two years. Davide was injured while doing somersaults at an acrobatics gym for PE class.

“It’s hard to tell how it will be with humans … I think you need to do the impossible to make the impossible possible,” he speculated on Courtine’s research. “I think it’s important to have a dream … if it’s realistic or not, I’m not sure. But if you don’t try you don’t know, so let’s hope and go for it.”

Photo from AAAS via EPFL

When and as I see myself not wanting to make phone calls that I require to make because of fearing how the being on the other end of the phone will react, I stop and breathe. I realize this fear is exactly why I have avoided making phone calls for much of my life where I would put things like this off as much as possible and thus have shaped my life around the point of not having to make phone calls due to the experience of fear that I had within this/experienced towards doing this. I also see that this is a good example of allowing a fear to direct me within my life where I submitted to such a fear without actually investigated how I developed this fear in the first place but more just accepted fear as valid and normal. I commit myself to assist and support myself to move through this fear of talking on the phone through by assisting and supporting myself within opening this point up within my writings and self forgiveness and exploring exactly how I created/developed and designed this fear as well as practically moving myself to make the necessary phone calls that I require to make during the allotted times that I have set for myself to make them in and to when that time arrive to direct myself to make the necessary calls, not over thinking the point but more just directing myself immediately in the point no more accepting and allowing myself to hesitate and start thinking about doing it which is where the fears start to come in when I start thinking about it, and so rather to keep simple, breathe and Direct myself to make my required phone calls, as this way I can gain some practical experience and insight into calling and talking to various people in various situations and thus in this having an actual practical physical reality feed-back point upon which to determine/base my expression and direction in this point instead of having this based on a fear that comes up that emerge from within me before and without actually making any phone calls.

When and as I see myself fearing making phone calls due to fear of messing up or having awkward silences, I stop and breathe. I realize that an awkward silence is not the end of the world. Maybe I mess up the conversation, but that is ok. That is no reason to not direct myself to correct this point. I commit myself to assist and support myself to walk through as many awkward silences as I need and require to correct myself within this point of speaking on the phone so that I can develop this application of speaking on the phone into an effective skill within which I am comfortable and trust myself and have confidence in myself within my expression within utilizing the phone in communicating with others, and so thus I commit myself to walk through as many necessary awkward silences as I require to realize there is nothing to fear about that as no body is perfect all the time, and that it is ok if as I learn this point I may from time to time mess up words or something like that. I also see that there are moments of “awkward silences” that become awkward due to me judging myself for my ability within speech instead of realizing that there is nothing to judge me for and so then simply remaining calm and stable and unconditional within my expression on the phone, and that it does not at all have to be perfect.

When and as I see myself building up fear within myself due to thinking about and fearing about what other people think about me due to how I am sounding, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this process of developing my skill and comfortability on the phone is not about what other people think about me. It rather about me walking through this process and not judging myself for who I am in my expression and communication with others through the phone. I commit myself to in such moments where I am building up fear to just “get to the point” of actually making the calls I require to make as reacting to the point does nothing, and so I commit myself to just get to the point and realize that I cannot control the judgement of others and who others are but that I can assist and support myself to become effective within this point and practice interacting and communicating with all kinds and types of people.

I commit myself to take this opportunity in my life to get over my fear of speaking on the phone and actually speaking and communicating with other people, and to in this realize that the skill that I will develop in walking this point, particularly as this is something that I would enjoy being able to do – that being, to be comfortable and effective at communicating with beings/people, in this case on the phone, that this skill so greatly outweighs the mistakes I will make during the learning phases of doing something, as that is what learning is about and so HERE I commit myself to not give up and or quit on this point but to continue to push through the resistance and fear that comes up in relation to making the necessary phone calls that I require to make in my life at the moment, particularly in relation to my new job and thus to push though and will myself to develop this point into an effective skill and ability within and as myself.

Desteni I Process LITE

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I believe that life is a gift, and that each day is an opportunity to make a positive difference in someone else’s life. I use my own story of strength, courage and triumph to engage, educate and encourage others to overcome their obstacles and live a Life Beyond Limits.

I know that it’s possible, because I do it every day. I was born with Spina Bifida, and I use a wheelchair. Continued battles with life threatening infections caused by compromised circulation in my legs led me to make the difficult decision to amputate my left leg just above the knee in January, 2010. I have no regrets, and my life is more vibrant as an amputee on wheels. Life continues to spin in beautiful ways.

I possess an extraordinary passion to guide and motivate others through the various transitions of life, work, love and wellness. Disabled veterans, people with all types of disabilities, and youth with special needs have found in me an advocate, mentor, cheerleader and empathizer. I find joy in every connection!

Monica’s Dad, the late (Ret.) Senior Chief Petty Officer, Royce D. Jackson.

I find incredible value and meaning in my relationships with those I coach, but I can’t describe how much I treasure my relationships with those who have coached me. I credit my dad, Royce, a retired Senior Chief Petty Officer who spent four years in the Air Force and 18 years in the Coast Guard, with the lessons I’ve learned in patience and integrity. My mother, Gail, a retired teacher, encourages me to never accept injustice and continues to stoke my fire to fight for what’s right.

My wonderful husband, Bryan, has shown me the benefits of accepting what is, in order to discover what can be. He really is my better half! Bryan and I met in 2000, and in 2002 he experienced a stroke that left him paralyzed on his right side. I learned a great deal about my abilities as a caregiver in spite of my own challenges during that time, and lessons about independence were replaced by lessons on interdependence. After rigorous rehabilitation, Bryan is now a strong survivor of a traumatic brain injury, and we’ve each had a really good look at what it’s like for the other person in our relationship. In 2005, after growing together and learning to navigate the challenges of being an interability couple, we married. We purchased our first accessible home in December, 2009, and have settled down in my hometown of Landis, North Carolina.

I’m also very close to Bryan’s family, who has supported me like I’m one of their own. As an only child, I’ve always thought that more family is better, and they have proved that to be true time and again. They really are my Foster family in every way!

Each member of my family has given me undying support and unconditional love, and I draw from it daily to keep me moving onward and upward in all I do.

So, that’s my story. What about you? Let’s work on your new story together.

Visit Monica’s J. Foster for information.

Inspiring and motivational best describe Darius Glover. Darius has been riding dirt bikes since he was 7 years old. At 15, everything changed when he suffered a life changing injury during a race; paralysis from the waist down. Undeterred by those telling him he’d never ride again, Darius has found a way not only to ride dirt bikes, but to compete at the highest level of motocross. Recent stints at the X Games and qualifications at Loretta Lynns show that no matter the situation, it’s possible to do anything you want.

Directed by Tyler Diamond
Camerawork by Blake Anderson and Conor Edgar
Music by Sigur Ros

“Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them.  Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. ⁵When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”- Mark 2:3-5

There are times that I wonder what it would have been like to be one of those people that Jesus healed. To be one of the lepers or the blind man who got mud smeared on his eyes, or the man with the shriveled hand or the deaf and mute man who had never uttered a single word. I can close my eyes and try to imagine I’m blind but I’m sure that it’s not the same, because I have seen so much of the world that I can imagine things I have seen and can’t really comprehend not even knowing what light is. I am sure that it would have been mind blowing for some of the people that Jesus healed. One day your whole concept of life changed simply because what use to be a black mass or blur became clear and beautiful. From reading about the brain and neurological system that runs most of your body there could have been major brain trauma if Jesus had healed just the eyes themselves, but Jesus went deeper than just mud on the eyes, he healed the whole person and left them far better than he found them. It wouldn’t make sense if Jesus just healed the man’s eye balls yet left him with no real grasp of the world he could now see. He would have been confused and just as lost in the world of light as he was in his former world of darkness. Perhaps there are times that we only want Jesus to heal part of us, just enough to take away our sins but not alter our way of life or concept of the world.

In youth group yesterday we studied Mark chapter 2:1-12 which is the story of Jesus healing the paralyzed man. In order to try to grasp what it would be like to be paralyzed I had all the students lay down on the floor and close there eyes and not move for 2 min while trying to think about not being able to do their favorite thing or not being able to feed themselves. They said it was challenging and left them feeling a little sad yet hard to comprehend what that really would be like.  As we discussed and read the story one of the main points that I was trying to get across to them is how Jesus didn’t just simply heal the paralyzed man but he went deeper. The fact that Jesus first words to the man wasn’t “why did your friends rip a hole through the roof?” or “just get up and walk cause your interrupting the flow of my talking” or “can’t you see it’s already packed in here”, might have really surprised people what were there and should surprise us a little today. Jesus does the unexpected all the time and this time he just says “Son, your sins are forgiven”. After Jesus says that the man is still laying there paralyzed. Nothing changed that we could see.

People weren’t happy that Jesus was forgiving the man. In that time people who were disabled were thought to be that way because of their sin or their parents sin. They were outcasts and thought of as worthless. When Jesus forgives the man’s sin he isn’t just forgiving the man but he is also speaking to the crowd that has gathered around him. He is saying ” I have the power to forgive sins and I don’t believe this man’s life is worthless, just look at those four friends who were so driven and determined to find healing for their friend that they ripped through the roof. Why don’t you have faith like them?”. People knew that Jesus could heal the paralytic if he wanted to, they had faith because they had seen him heal others and that could be why so many had come, but they lacked the faith that jesus could heal the whole person from the inside out.

When we were discussing this fact that Jesus has the power to heal from the inside out Eighth grader Lindsey Davis said “It’s like carving a pumpkin, you have to clean out all the guts and seeds from the inside so his light can shine through us.” Thats exactly what Jesus is doing in this story and wants to do in us. He is cleaning the gunk from the inside of the man so that his light can shine to the rest of the crowd. That they might experience his true and real forgiveness. That they might be fully healed. Thats why when Jesus healed people their lives were changed forever, not just physically but spiritually. They were in the streets telling of all he had done for them, shinning the light from the inside out. They had reasons to shout it from the mountain tops and let the whole world know.

Jesus didn’t just forgive the mans sins that day but he also gave him his life back. He went home walking, skipping, running and jumping, carrying his own mat with no need for anyones help. Do we go home jumping and shouting about what Jesus has done for us? or do we just settle for having a little faith that he just might forgive me but he really cant change me. We paralyze ourselves with excuses like I am to old, I am to stubborn, I don’t have passion, I don’t care enough, or I have fear that I’ll just keep on sinning, or what i say won’t come out right, or no one would really think anything has changed. We are like the paralytic laying there on the mat, we have been forgiven yet we don’t move, we don’t act like we are forgiven, we don’t celebrate the fact that we have life and that we have the opportunity every moment to shine that light. To tell others our story. To show the world we are different and God loves them.

When we get up and take our mats we have the opportunity to be like the paralytics friends. We have a choice to make, to be determined and driven enough to tell the world and love those around us. I challenge anyone to read that story in Mark and find yourself in one of the many people in that story. Who are you? Where are you at? Are you allowing Jesus to fully heal you and give you life, life to the fullest.

-Caleb Ross Hunter

EASY AS A, B, C . . . from BB

Noelle Hancock, age nearly-29, had been working as an entertainment blogger when she received a phone call that she and the rest of the staff had been laid off without notice.  Published in a multitude of places, including Us Weekly, Rolling Stone, GQ, the NY Post, and Cosmo, to name a few, she desperately needed to do . . . something.  So this usually confident, ambitious woman, now paralyzed by anxiety, looked for help.  She found it: from her boyfriend, Matt; Dr. Bob, an understanding, but tough, therapist; and Eleanor Roosevelt.

My Year with Eleanor: A Memoir is the result of Noelle’s search for self . . . and a job.  She created a computer document entitled “My One-Year Plan,” where she could list her goals for the immediate future.  Weeks later, with the document still empty, trying to drown her sorrows at a nearby coffee shop, Noelle saw the establishment’s usual quote of the day hanging on the wall. “‘Do one thing every day that scares you.’ Eleanor Roosevelt”

The quote resonated with her, she told Dr. Bob, because she “used to do things,” but found she didn’t try new things any more: “The older I get, the less I challenge myself.”  Thus her dream became to follow Eleanor’s example—in spades.  She’d do one scary thing every day until her 30^th birthday.  Easy, since she was now afraid of almost everything.

Her self-challenges ranged from small to big, in no particular order: confront an old boy friend, go shark diving, try tap dancing, compete against other journalists with a six-minute stand-up comedy routine.  Some of her exploits were hilarious; some sad; a few trivial; somewhat fewer, gigantic.  But she made it through the year.

This Yale grad from Texas occasionally sounds like she’s trying to be the street-tough New York Woman, other times a California girl.  The language is occasionally a little New-Yorker-tough, so I don’t recommend it for those who are easily put off by a little rough language; but it was more than worthwhile for me for one story in particular.

She was talking to Dr. Bob about being particularly afraid of the upcoming journalists’ competition.  He said, “When we feel anxiety . . . we postpone . . . doing taxes, working on a project we’re not sure we can handle . . . having a painful conversation.”

I began wondering whether I was doing the same thing.  Though I’d vowed to do my taxes early, I just couldn’t seem to get started.  Moreover, my writing wasn’t going well.  Writing?  What writing?

Then Dr. Bob told her, “You’ll never feel ready.  You have to do things now— even if you don’t feel ready.”  The real kicker came in her summation of his advice:

“Procrastination is the lazy cousin of fear.”

It was worth reading the whole book just to see that line.  I told Herb about it, and he admitted he was feeling the same way with the book he’s working on.  Writers take note:

Procrastination IS the lazy cousin of fear.

Get over yourself, and move on!

My Year with Eleanor: A Memoire by Noelle Hancock is available as an eBook from The King’s English Bookshop, or to order; Amazon has it in Kindle and paperback; hardbacks available with other sellers.

See you day-after-tomorrow for “Monday’s Moans”

Today I feel like a puddle of syrupy, sweet caramel drizzle just waiting to be devoured. I want to melt into my sheets and re-live the night. Is it possible to just stay here forever and soak up my uncontrollable smiling? I know work awaits, but my body feels somewhat paralyzed to my mattress. I can’t leave. My skin does not want to escape the warm fleece and down feathers. I break away at the very last minute and brew two shots of level-9 espresso, and attempt to make the most of every minute prior to hitting the 9-5 workstation. I am such a sucker for a syrupy sweet awakening. I wish I could taste how I feel. 

During the lunch hour, some co-workers got on the topic of frost bite and how dangerous it can be. The cold weather and the words “frost bite” bring more than the images of black toes and dark read ears to my mind.

At this time four years ago I was sitting in a hospital waiting room to see my brother. He was in ICU, defrosting. It’s quite the story.

As a recent post-divorcee, my brother decided to indulge on Valentine’s Day 2009 by drinking his feelings. A totally normal thing to do. However, my brother is also a diabetic. Needless to say, a few rye and coke’s in, he was a ball of fuzz, blubbering on about who knows what to his friends in the wee hours of the morning. His friends, all under the assumption that he is now completely sloshed, pack him up in a cab and send him home. The only problem is, by this point, all the houses start to look the same and he can’t quite spit out his address. The cabby drops him off at what is presumably his home and drives away. After a few attempts to get into the house that looks like his house but isn’t his house, he falls to the ground and nestles into the snow for what would be the cozy coma he would spend the next 12 hours in.

Fast forward to 10am when the owner of the house that looks like my brother’s house but isn’t my brother’s house comes out to go to work. He sees my brother lying in the snow and does what any respectable human wou….no no wait, no he doesn’t. He kicks my brother out of his way and proceeds to go to work. I know, pretty rude huh? Three pm, this dude returns home and finds my brother still lying unconscious on his front steps, could you imagine? The nerve of my brother! So he finally calls the cops AND the news to complain about said incident.

Meanwhile, back home, my parents, Tony, and I are all chatting about the wedding we had attended the previous night when the phone rings. I can hear my Mom’s frantic response as she scrambles her shit together and tells me to go to the hospital. We arrive to be told to say our good-bye’s as my brother’s body temperature plummets to a chilly 23 degree celsius.

I’ll never forget walking into that room in the ICU. There was my brother, laid out on a slab, looking like a yellow Shrek. Parts of his body were black, and he was twice his regular size. He had tubes and machines hooked up all over his body, including the one taking out his blood, warming it, and putting it back in. I don’t care how many episodes of ‘House’ or ‘ER’ I watched growing up, nothing can prepare you for that shit. I was in complete shock. I think I was in there for all but 1 minute before I had to leave. I touched his arm and told him I loved him, to which he responded with a series of twitches. That shit still haunts me. I gotta give it to nurses, because I could never do their job.

Hours went by as his heart rate slowed, his internal organs began to shut down, and the prognosis went from bad to worse. The next morning though, things started to look up. By some miracle, this son-of-a-bitch was coming around! (Mom, you’re not a bitch, you’re actually one of the greatest people I know, I’m just doing it to keep it light and not über depressing, love you!) There were a few touch and go moments throughout the week, like when his kidneys shut down and he needed to be on dialysis, or when his lungs filled with fluid and needed to be drained. But he made it. He came out of his induced coma after about 4-5 days (he was put into a coma because of the damage done to his nerve endings. We were told that if he were to come out of the coma, the sheer pain could be enough to send him into cardiac arrest). I remember going in to visit and him trying to talk with a breathing tube in as his eyes watered from thawing. Once he was able to breathe on his own they removed most of the tubes, except for the IV that pumped morphine into him. He was hilarious to be around those couple of days as he commented on how pretty the ceiling was and why they had 4 clocks in his room all beside each other (there was one clock).

He was eventually transferred to the burn unit where he underwent weeks and weeks of physiotherapy, skin grafts, and close monitoring. They would remove the dead skin as he shed like some sort of reptile, only his skin didn’t grow back. He was left with huge wounds that looked like ground hamburger meat. He had to have the flesh from his calves transferred to his knees as there was absolutely nothing left of them. He had skin grafts to repair and replace the skin on his hands, legs, and feet. He did end up having his big toe amputated – doesn’t sound like a big deal until you see him trying to balance in the sand on a warm summer day. His foot was also a disgusting mess for weeks as the skin grafts didn’t take and infection took over. The worst part of it – visually – was seeing the bandages removed by home care 3x per day to reveal this awful mess of a foot, tendons and all. Imagine having to turn up the tv because the sound of the vacuum sucking out the infection of someones foot is just too loud.

It was a long road to recovery and is ongoing. My brother still struggles with the tingling feeling in his extremities on cold days. He’s susceptible to sunburns on his fresh 4-year-old skin. His hand is paralyzed, his balance is off, his knees are weak, and his diabetes is worse than ever.

So why did I share this story? Well, after sharing it with my co-workers, one said to me that I should share it because it brings awareness to how dangerous frost bite can be. Another told me that there’s incredible stories and weirdness in every family and the more we share, the more normal we all feel. I’m not embarrassed at all by this story. It’s a survival story. Every February is a reminder of the time I almost lost my brother. Every cold wind that rips through me reminds me of how his body must have felt lying cold in that snow. It’s a scary thing to almost lose a close member of your family in a tragic or freak accident.

Now you might be thinking, whatever happened to the asshole who left him outside? Absolutely nothing. Unlike the laws about leaving pets outside, there are no laws to leaving a human being outside. Unless they die, then you can charge them. But nope, this guy walked away with nothing but a shitload of bad karma (hopefully). I’ve often thought of writing to him, or even sharing this story in the paper hoping he would read it.

So dress warm, resemble the Michelin tire guy, plan safe rides home, monitor your Diabetes. All that good stuff.

About movie:

Awake is 2007 American film directed by Joby Harold. Main roles play Hayden Christensen, Jessica Alba, Terrence Howard and Lena Olin.

The story:

It tells a story about rich man who is waiting for a heart transplantation. One day before surgery,  Clay marry her girlfriend privately at midnight. Then Clay and his wife went to hospital for operation. But then Clay encounters anesthesia awareness. It’s a condition when person is paralyzed, but can feel everything… I will stop here, if you interested watch the trailer and continue to read.

My thoughts:

This movie is intensive one. The end is unexpected what is very good I think. It makes you think and be involved into whole story. Also, it makes you analyze things you never realized before. It’s a little bit scary not to know how the life can turn and who is your real friend. This is for those who like mystery and crimes. Check the soundtrack too!

 Good watching!

It’s weird how a smile from a broken person can mean more than a thousand words yet describe nothing.

It’s weird how we express through words, drawings… Movements,..

Something as simple like a poem about how fucked up our world is, to a drawing in a sketch book, of a beautiful 16 year old girl that seems to understand, of dreams of a couple hugging under a dark rainy day.

Or something like the scars I wear, not just physical ones that can be healed, are truly understood and cared by those that carry these scars too.

How I no longer need to hide them under bracelets, sleeves or fake smiles when I’m with someone I have truly found comfort and happiness with.

How the mere fact that an arm going around a person that I can truly be open with and a person I can trust and a person I can even maybe love a little can put a smile on my face.

Not a fake one.

I woke up wrestling the same demons that plagued me days before. Right now, as I reflect, I’m trying to draw out what has been helpful these past two months. I’m also been weeding out what has been hurtful.

I’m so thankful for a husband who allows me reflect and recuperate. During all of this “sabbatical” he’s willingly slaved away so we could still survive. He is truly one of a kind.

Also, I’ve realized a month away from busy and obligated is probably the most helpful time frame. Now that I’m counting down month two of not working so hard, I’m to the lazy, apathetic stage. What once had a purpose is now very much irrelevant. Yes, one month is healthy. Any more than one month is just plain lethargic.

I have a few money-making opportunities in the works. I am also waiting to see whether or not my efforts toward a certain something have been in vain. My gut tells me no way. My impatience fills me with doubt. Soon, this waiting game will be over…

About film:

This movie is a 2011 French drama-comedy directed by Olivier Nakache and Éric Toledano. It stars François Cluzet and Omar Sy.

My thoughts:

There are no words to describe this touching story about paralyzed man and his young assistant. Despite their differences guys who should never have met create perfect pair. Driss (the caretaker) changes Phillipe’s life turning it to full of adventures and funny moments. Do not think that this movie will make you cry. Believe me, you will be laughing a lot! From the beginning paralyzed man’s life could be seen as a disastrous, but later you will see other things, which many people do not have even if they have possibility to walk. By the way it is based by a true story! Interested? Watch the trailer.

A beautiful soundtrack:

It brings you tons of good emotions and smiles. Just listen few songs from movie and I’m sure you will agree with me!

Last words:

If you want a good, positive story about true life gifts – watch it! If you want to have great time and recharge with good emotions – watch it! I hope that you liked and enjoyed it! If you have something to say, please do not keep quiet! Comment below what do you liked/ or not liked about this movie. I will wait to chat with somebody!

Charlie Sheen donated $10,000 to Marti and her family Thursday to help them buy a therapy dog for Marti’s recovery.

“I think it’s really great he is helping us out,” Teagan Marti said.

[worldnow id=8401563 width=385 height=288 type=video]

“I’m in such disbelief,” Marti’s mother, Julie said. “I was crying…What a guy. What a guy.”

She suffered brain, spine, pelvis, and internal injuries when nets and air bags that were supposed to catch rider on a free-fall ride weren’t raised. Marti spent three months in the hospital in Wisconsin and South Florida and initially had no use of her arms or legs, but through physical therapy is able to walk again with a walker.

Julie Marti said she was in financial trouble with the medical bills and her recent divorce. Their house is being foreclosed up and insurance isn’t covering physical therapy costs anymore.

Sheen’s donation will buy the family an English Golden Retriever puppy that is being trained in Wisconsin to turn on lights, pick up objects, and be the teen’s constant companion.

The long and winding road between Sheen and Marti came together thanks to Lucia Wilgus of Eau Claire, Wisconsin. She helped spearhead funding for the dog and sent a letter this week to Sheen through the actor’s godfather, who is a Wilgus family friend.

Sheen said he decided to give more for extra costs. “If there’s a need for more, I told them to call me,” Sheen said.

“I like to pay it forward,” Sheen said. “People come into your orbit for a reason. You don’t always know what that is ahead of time, but if I ignore these requests, then I don’t have any opportunity to see where these things lead us, or lead me.”

He said he doesn’t like to publicize most of his donations, but wanted to talk about this one to inspire others to donate.

“I am really grateful to Charlie Sheen,” said Julie. “I think other people should learn from him.”

Teagan Marti gets the dog on her birthday in September and told CBS4′s Cynthia Demos that she plans to name the pup “Charlie”.

(TM and © Copyright 2013 CBS Radio Inc. and its relevant subsidiaries. CBS RADIO and EYE Logo TM and Copyright 2013 CBS Broadcasting Inc. Used under license. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. The Associated Press contributed to this report.)

So, the idea is to give up something(s) from your life or diet for 46 days (correct me if I’m wrong).  I think that whatever you give up is supposed to be something you like or value so that you can know personal sacrifice.  It’s supposed to be something that you’ll notice missing for this time (no sense giving up drinking pop if you only have one Coke a month) and I believe it’s complete abstinence.  I imagine chocolate and alcohol are probably fairly popular ones!

I’m not really that excited about Lent as far as giving anything up, although I should probably put the boots to sugar (as per usual!).  I’m more looking forward to it because it’s one of those cool “lines in the sand” that come up as the year progresses.  First is New Years, we all know how that one goes, then Lent, spring, the transition into back to school.  All seem like natural times of refresh and renew and I’m totally going to use this one to try and clear some stuff up.

I have this haze of unhappy right now.  I’ve made a huge commitment that’s going to start coming to fruition in the next couple of weeks and it’s totally throwing me.  Paralyzing me with fear and inaction, actually.  As completely idiotic as that sounds when I read it back, it’s the truth and I should have seen it coming.  Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of change and however crazy, fear of success. 

So when you’re existing in a quicksand filled with fear, how do you get out and get going and let go of “safety” and leap into the abyss, come what may, fuck fear, embrace success, shout your own value from the rooftops?  It’s so odd that I’m asking myself (and you guys!) this question because someone just asked it of me last week.  Tomorrow is the 5 year anniversary that I quit smoking and the 5½ish year anniversary that I lost nearly 100 pounds and changed my life.  HOW?  I had absolutely nothing to lose.  Nothing.  I was fat and extremely unhealthy, depressed and dejected, alone and with no spark.  There’s nothing to fear when all is already lost.

I feel like I should know how to power through and fight dragons and shatter fear like it’s a fragile vase.  But….I don’t.  Obviously.  Time is ticking away from me and I’m still sitting here.  Unmoving.  Frozen.  Sinking in the quicksand.  I know what I want, I can see it.  I know how to get it.  It IS what I want (in case you’re thinking that I’m trying to force myself to want something that I really don’t). 

I’m not unique, just in the last week I’ve read posts with people struggling in the same way:

http://thebigcityfarmgirlblog.wordpress.com/2013/02/11/motivation-for-monday-stop-self-sabatoge/

http://myinnerbovine.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/tearing-down-the-wall/

These two in particular really resonated with me.  Women, having powerful internal struggles.  FEAR! 

WHY are we so scared of ourselves?  WHY do we fear our success?  Why do we crush the little seedlings of happy and success with the rusty, enormous fear hammer?  How do otherwise smart and successful and confident women eradicate the fear that brings us down?

How do I do it?  How do I move towards change, towards the future, towards the unknown?  How do I arrest fear and set free my own forward motion?

I realize that this is probably not exactly what “Lent” had in mind, giving up wine for 40 days would definitely be easier than this.  I’ve always been stopped here.  Always.  When I was fat I was stopped here.  Now that I’m not fat, I’m still stopped here.  I’ve often had other focuses and distractions….but here…..is where I’m stuck.

I really don’t want to be stuck here anymore.