I’m not going to make a habit of posting videos made by those big comedy sites with large production budgets, mostly because I approve more of the do-it-yourself, obviously homemade efforts, but collegehumor nailed this.

Flawless.

Any fan of the recent Dark Knight movies, or any Batman-lore, will appreciate a turnaround gag. Batman as fallible. Our grimacing, serious-to-a-fault caped crusader making boo-boos. Collegehumor poked at select lines from the films, also poking at the standard impossibilities of Batman’s ninja moves, and here were are, pants-peeing away. I’m pretty sure that if you only caught Detective Comics in the 50s and you saw this video now, you would still appreciate it. The actor playing Batman has all of Christian Bale’s awesome lip-movements…things you notice on the big screen but ignore because of that haunting and intense orchestra tune in the background all the time. But yes, he really is waggling his lips around that much, and yes, it really is that funny. Try muting the movie the next time you notice Bats saying something particularly cheesey, and I bet there will be a tongue flailing to accompany that gem of speech bubble bliss modified for the silver screen.

You can take it a little further. Your Detective Gordon, an aloof type, still behaving aloof by looking everywhere except to the individual he is addressing, yet here that conversation style is REVEALED to be the characteristic that allows Batman his escape route all the time. I think it’s a lesson in contemporary manners. Please make eye contact with people you’re speaking to. Everything else is just rude.

That’s social SCIENCE.

Mad Men marathon calls. Blog suffers. Sorry!

Here’s Bat Man to make up for things…

Local government officials for the hamlet of Frown Town plan to throw a town-wide pity party, according to a press report coming from the offices of Mayor McFuddy-Duddy. The party, which officials predict will be “poorly attended and probably not very much fun,” is intended to serve as celebration observance for the town’s 150th anniversary.

Chairman Sourpuss delivers the news.

Citizens of Frown Town immediately began weeping upon hearing the news.

As locals may know, Frown Town was founded back in December of 1859 when Reginald. P. Naysayer was kicked out of the back of a horse-drawn carriage for being, as fellow settlers described him, “a stick-in-the-mud.” Upon hitting the dusty sands of central Nevada, Naysayer immediately crossed his arms tightly over his chest, threw his front lip out into a powerful frown, and sat down angrily to set up roots in this God forsaken place we’ve all come to know and despise.

Officials claim the event is intended to be the biggest pity party ever thrown. However, numerous cynics concede that a sadder, more gloomy party probably happened somewhere “up in Canada or something.”

The Mayor’s office claims that a parade will serve as the party’s main attraction. Upon hearing this, local weather outlets from all major news stations immediately predicted rain.

Other planned events include a dance competition that will require women to wear high heels all night and probably make their feet hurt, and a fireworks display that will undoubtedly be way too loud and not at all worth sitting outside in the cold for 45 minutes.

As a commemorative gift, wet blankets will be provided to the first 500 attendants that show up at the parade grounds.

When this news publication reached out for public comment, several spoilsports eagerly stepped forward to poop on the party. Highlighted quotes from these killjoys include:

• “Sounds expensive.”
• “No one’s going to ask me to dance.”
• “I have cancer.”
• “It’ll probably conflict with my plans to stare listlessly out my living room window.”
• And, “Ah, Hooey!”

If you really want to waste your time getting all dressed up for nothing, the festivities are scheduled to begin at 12pm on December 1st. Though it’ll probably start late, and then drag on far too long into the night. But, by all means go if you want. It’s your funeral.

——

If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include:

• How To Beat A Dog In A Foot Race
• NASA Discovers “Banana Split” Solar System
• Dinner Review: Giant Monster Eats New York

As we promised yesterday, we’re going to present you a special video list today in order to get you into the right “New Moon mood”. A few days ago I was completely obsessed with watching the newest premiere vids and interviews. After seeing all the red carpet stuff and picking all my favorite tv specials, I couldn’t wait for the movie to finally hit theaters. So to give you a good start for another workweek and to keep the crazy New Moon mood up a bit longer, here come the top five New Moon videos to enjoy on an otherwise boring monday (Only half a top ten list this time, cause watching 10 vids would take like what? Two thirds of your workday? Perhaps the whole, because you’d probably watch them all over and over again. Believe me, yes they’re that good!). Without further adieu, enjoy!

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1. This one is perfect to refresh your memory of what the whole story is about. Watch as Peter Facinelli and his lovely wife Jenny Garth act out New Moon with the Edward, Jacob and Bella action figures.

After they summed it all up for us again and now that we’re really down with the plot again, it’s time for the next video!

2. The Twilight Trinity aka Rob, Kristin and Taylor at the Jimmy Kimmel show. Hear them talk about the vampire chippendales and Rob’s ass injury and see as Taylor Lautner gets way embarrassed when they show one of his childhood martial arts vids.

Have you noticed Kristen Stewarts red soles? Louboutins again. Damn, this girl’s got an awesome high-heel collection! But let’s not linger on that before I grow too depressed… Off to the next video!

3. Chris Weitz, new DILF in town on the LA New Moon premiere. In case you don’t remember the orange pants he wore in London, click here to enjoy them (again) before watching the video! Honestly, you need this to get all the funny stuff!

Isn’t he cute? And he shudders to think of himself as a DILF. I already love him right now. Chris Weitz, would you marry me? Or wait, you are already married… So what if I name my children after him to honor his greatness? Chris Edward Jacob Soul, awesome! Okay, over to the next!

4. The Jay Leno New Moon parody called “Newer Moon” combined with amazing red carpet journalism. This includes the vampires attorney, some shirtless scenes and an invitation to the wolfpack-party. Don’t miss it!

Anyone else who wants to come to the wolfpack-party with me? Cause obviously these guys need some hot chicks over there to show them some love…ifyouknowwhatimsayin… Sorry, got carried away. Off to the next!

5. Carrie Keagan does it again, New Moon uncensored, my absolute favorite. They did it with Twilight last year and that was definitely my favorite interview ever since I discovered it. Attention, don’t watch this in front of your mother, grandma or children! Lots of expletives but also more laughs than in any other vid you will find. Carrie Keagan discusses the WILFs and VILFs (new technical term!), upper body nudity, the Taylor Lautner nude scene and the DVD extras (SPOILER: shirtless and jortless wolfpack). Enjoy!

The wolfpack when they get the meaning of WILF, Rob accidently revealing that there’s a nude scene, Kristen talking about objectifying the guys, Elizabeth Reaser aka Esme eager to see them with their jorts off, Chris Weitz totally getting the WILF stuff and laughing his ass off… priceless!

So now after we got you into the right New Moon mood, go and see the fucking movie! Cause it’s pretty fucking awesome! Honestly, trust KStew and the crew!

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Off to watch all the vids over again (like I haven’t seen them about 87 times to prepare this post…)

Saveyoursoul

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What are your favorite New Moon videos and interviews? Did you laugh as hard as I did when I saw all these for the first time? Any great hilarious stuff we missed? I know there is, cause we couldn’t cover it all… Send us your favorites and maybe we’ll use them in our next post! Just leave a comment or e-mail us!

(videos: YouTube; image: Letterstotwilight)

It was very dark, and Vincent Chase didn’t know whether he was awake or asleep. He was in a car, and it was moving fast, but that was all he could say for sure. In his dream (or what he thought must have been in his dream), he had been in the passenger seat of another car, somehow on I-95, his mother taking them to Florida, brother Johnny out cold in the back seat. They’d never had the money to take vacations, really, but that one time, somehow, his mom had pulled off. They drove through the night and once Vince had woken up and they were in another state one- he had never heard of before- and it felt like another world.

Time had always seemed like a flexible concept to Vincent Chase. His first year of stardom had seemed like a decade, with the parties and clubs every night, after the party a girl, maybe two, and the guys there in the morning when he woke up to start it all over again, The days just… flowed. And then, later, after the bad movies, and the bad women, and the bad business deals, when he had retreated into himself, and into his penthouse- he could have sworn ten years had passed the second the big heavy door clicked shut behind him. But now, with Mary, time seemed to have suddenly speeded up again, with her he was a frightened old man, and he was a child again, speeding southbound for the promised land. It was all very confusing.

“You awake, baby?” asked his mother, and Vince sped upward through the well of time, into the light, into consciousness, and he knew again that his mother was twenty years dead, and Johnny now too, and the person talking to him was the girl, Mary, in the driver’s seat. Whatever road they were on, there were no lights. Just the faint orange glow of the city, over the horizon in the rearview. Above the convertible, the dome of the stars offered their ancient benediction down to Vince, and the girl, and whatever else was still alive out here.

For a second Vincent Chase loses everything- he has no idea at all where he is, or even who he is: He is blessedly, blissfully, blank. And then it’s all back. The engine purrs as Mary downshifts and eases the big muscle car off the main road.

“Where are we?” asks Vince, and Mary, her voice as soothing and smooth as the one in Vince’s dream, replies, “Almost home.”

I read about this video but couldn’t find the You Tube version to embed here.   However, Raw Story had the video on their site.  Apparently it’s a parody of the movie 2012.    This is Saturday Night Live’s  vison of the Palin-Beck ticket winning in 2012.

I got sent this by a friend and I’m sure a lot of people share the same sentiment. It’s a parody video by Tobuscus of OneRepublic’s “Apologize” [via Koukla]

From POLITICS DAILY:

With no votes to spare, Democratic senators moved health care reform past its first major hurdle Saturday night, with a party-line, 60-to-39 vote to begin consideration of the 2,000-plus page bill that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid unveiled this week.

…snip…

The bill that senators will begin debating after Thanksgiving combines proposals passed by the Senate Finance Committee and the Senate Committee Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee (HELP), and is designed to make health insurance more accessible and affordable. The Congressional Budget Office estimates the bill would expand coverage to 94 percent of Americans at a cost of $848 billion over the next 10 years.

Original movie poster
(Shnooks and ninnies, from the top:  Chinless Mitch McConnell, Kit So-Not-James Bond, Orrin Down-The Hatch, Richard Who? Burr, Mean Mike Enzi,  Chuck Yer-Ass-Is Grassley, Captain Underpants, Limpy Snowe, Diaper David Vitter)

In addition to imposing new regulations on insurance companies, the legislation would create health insurance exchanges, which would function as a marketplace of last resort where Americans could choose between private insurance, non-profit cooperative insurance, and a government-run public insurance option. While Democrats differed in their levels of enthusiasm for the bill, Republicans were unanimous in their opposition, describing Reid’s proposal as everything from a spending binge to a Ponzi scheme.

Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine, who voted for the Democrats’ bill in the Senate Finance Committee, voted against debating it Saturday night. She objected to many of the the policies in the version of the bill that emerged from the Majority Leader’s office, including the public option.

Sen. Mike Enzi (R-Wyo.), the top Republican on the Senate HELP Committee and the only accountant in the Senate, warned of the bill’s potentially catastrophic effect on the federal budget deficit. “Perhaps the best way to qualify this bill is to say it keeps me up nights,” Enzi said, summing it up in one word: “Disaster.”

Other Republicans, such as Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah objected to the bill’s abortion provisions, which are weaker than the House-passed bill, as well as the bill’s estimated cost of nearly $1 trillion to the taxpayers over the next decade. Missouri Republican Sen. Kit Bond said there were so many objectionable elements to the proposal that his colleagues had a hard time choosing which ones to go after first. “We’re like a mosquito in a nudist colony,” he said. “We have so many targets to attack in this bill we don’t know which one to hit.”

Democratic leaders defended their bill, with Reid saying of Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), “The facts he is talking about do not exist, except in the minds of people who do not understand this bill.”

…snip…

In the minutes before the vote, Sen. Max Baucus, a leader for the Democrats in health care reform, said to his fellow senators, “History is knocking on the door. Let’s open it.”

From the Omaha World-Herald:

Senators will begin weeks of debate when they return from Thanksgiving break, but Republicans who stood united against the vote to allow consideration of the bill said Saturday’s vote was anything but procedural.

The Republican leader, Sen. Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, cast it as a referendum on the bill itself, which he said would raise taxes, cut Medicare and create a “massive and unsustainable debt.”

The Senate proposal would require most Americans to carry insurance and provide subsidies to those who couldn’t afford it. The insurance industry would come under significant new regulation under the bill, which would first ease and then ban the practice of denying coverage on the basis of pre-existing medical conditions.

The 10-year bill would reduce the budget deficit through new taxes and cuts to Medicare, according to congressional budget analysts, while extending coverage to 31 million more Americans, ensuring coverage for 94 percent of the eligible population.

At the White House, press secretary Robert Gibbs issued a statement saying the president was gratified by the vote, which “brings us one step closer to ending insurance company abuses, reining in spiraling health care costs, providing stability and security to those with health insurance and extending quality health coverage to those who lack it.”

…snip…

The drama surrounding a rare Saturday night vote had diminished greatly after the final two holdout Democrats, [Blanche] Lincoln and [Mary] Landrieu, announced hours beforehand that they would vote to allow debate. [Ben] Nelson announced his intentions Friday.

“Oh, this is so tense,” Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., joked from his seat as senators’ names were called out during the vote.

Hilarious, asshole.

George Voinovich of Ohio was not present for the vote. The Senate’s other 39 Republicans, including Mike Johanns of Nebraska and Chuck Grassley of Iowa, all voted to block consideration of the bill.

[Tom] Harkin [of Iowa], chairman of the Senate Health Committee, has been one of the leading advocates for the health care legislation.

In a rallying cry before the vote, he said that conservative lawmakers once bitterly opposed the creation of now-popular programs such as Social Security and Medicare. At the time, he said, they tried to scare people about those programs, and today’s Republicans have resorted to similar tactics.

“Now is not the time to go wobbly in the knees, I say to my friends in the Democratic caucus. Now is the time to stand strong. Now is the time to … move this country forward, say yes to the American people and no to these fears and unfounded allegations,” Harkin said.

After Harkin, it was Grassley’s turn. He noted that former President Bill Clinton had told Senate Democrats the worst thing they could do on health care would be nothing. But Grassley said the bill is far worse than nothing.

He said it would raise private health insurance premiums, cut Medicare to the point of threatening access to care and threaten the economic recovery.

“Its a half a trillion dollars in new taxes, hurting small business and destroying job creation,” Grassley said on the Senate floor. “It calls for an even bigger and more unsustainable federal budget.

“It adds to that burden with a massive new government-run health plan. It makes health care more unaffordable and lower quality.”

Because when SNL starts using Mrs. Obama and “having sex with me” in a skit then it’s all over. Yeah, yeah, he is going to manage to do major damage to our country in the mean time, and yeah, yeah, if the economy gets better, his numbers (which suck now) will too, but the shine is off his armor that is for sure.

Via Andrew Breitbart’s Big Hollywood, Saturday Night Live laid into Our Lord and Savior Barack Hussein Obama, for the first time for His policies and His decisions.

We’ll post the CNN fact check as soon as it becomes available.

Oh, there’s a veiled shot at Palin Derangement Syndrome, too, with this mock trailer for ‘2012′ and the election of Sarah Palin as President and Glenn Beck as Vice President … from the DNC and the Mind of Keith Olbermann:

Yooo this is funny as hell…..they put this together quite well I might add!
They used all of Chris Brown & Rhiana songs to put this together. FUNNY AS HELL!

As an avid fan of Korean cinema, I have to say this is spot on.  Pure genius.

The Greatest Story Ever Told, retold. Starring Truman Capote as Jesus. This should only be offensive if you really do believe Jesus was an effeminate white man.

This video took me by surprise. His Batman impression is very entertaining. There are several moments in here that make it worthwhile, even though there are a certainly a few stupid things, of course.

From the Star Telegram:

Texans: Are you really married?

Maybe not.

Barbara Ann Radnofsky, a Houston lawyer and Democratic candidate for attorney general, says that a 22-word clause in a 2005 constitutional amendment designed to ban gay marriages erroneously endangers the legal status of all marriages in the state.

The amendment, approved by the Texas Legislature and overwhelmingly ratified by Texas voters, declares that “marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.” But the trouble-making phrase, as Radnofsky sees it, is Subsection B, which declares:

“This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage.”

Architects of the amendment included the clause to ban same-sex civil unions and domestic partnerships.

But Radnofsky, who was a member of the powerhouse Vinson & Elkins law firm in Houston for 27 years until retiring in 2006, says the wording of Subsection B effectively “eliminates marriage in Texas,” including common-law marriages.

I can think of one person who’s thrilled to death over the news!

She calls it a “massive mistake” and blames the current attorney general, Republican Greg Abbott, for allowing the language to become part of the Texas Constitution. Radnofsky called on Abbott to acknowledge the wording as an error and consider an apology. She also said that another constitutional amendment may be necessary to reverse the problem.

…snip…

Abbott spokesman Jerry Strickland said that the attorney general stands behind the 4-year-old amendment.

…snip…

A conservative leader whose organization helped draft the amendment dismissed Radnofsky’s position, saying it was similar to scare tactics opponents used unsuccessfully against the proposal in 2005.

“It’s a silly argument,” said Kelly Shackelford, president of the Liberty Legal Institute in Plano.

…snip…

Shackelford said the clause was designed to be broad enough to prevent the creation of domestic partnerships, civil unions or other arrangements that would give same-sex couples many of the benefits of marriage.

Radnofsky acknowledged that the clause is not likely to result in an overnight dismantling of marriages in Texas. But she said the wording opens the door to legal claims involving spousal rights, insurance claims, inheritance and a host of other marriage-related issues.

“This breeds unneeded arguments, lawsuits and expense which could have been avoided by good lawyering,” Radnofsky said. “Yes, I believe the clear language of B bans all marriages, and this is indeed a huge mistake.”

Maybe that’ll will make Pickles Bush a little less sour.

In October, Dallas District Judge Tena Callahan ruled that the same-sex marriage ban is unconstitutional because it stands in the way of gay divorce. Abbott is appealing the ruling, which came in a divorce petition involving two men who were married in Massachusetts in 2006.

Radnofsky, the Democratic nominee in the Senate race against Kay Bailey Hutchison in 2006, said she voted against the amendment but didn’t realize the legal implications until she began poring over the Texas Constitution to prepare for the attorney general’s race. She said she holds Abbott and his office responsible for not catching what she calls an “error of massive proportions.”

…snip…

Abbott, a former state Supreme Court justice who was elected attorney general in 2002, has not indicated whether he will seek re-election and is known to be interested in running for lieutenant governor.

From WOAI:

Controversy is swirling over a constitutional amendment that may not only ban same-sex marriage, but all marriages.

“When we looked at this section, and we could see it would apply to heterosexual couples, it was sad,” said attorney-at-law Deanna Whitley.

Whitley is talking about Article 1; Section 32 of the Texas Constitution. The amendment was added in 2005 to ban same-sex marriage. But some say the language is too vague, never actually specifying gay marriage.

“This state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage. It outlaws marriage,” Whitley argues.

Whitley says it is an issue that will certainly arise in divorce court, possibly causing some spouses to lose financial rights. And what could this mean for children of heterosexual couples?

“It places heterosexual couples in the same circumstance as gay and lesbian couples find themselves in today,” explained Whitley. “That is legal limbo.”

Equality at last!! How’s it feel, fundies?

But not everyone agrees. Senator Carlos Uresti calls Whitley’s interpretation a “ridiculous argument.” Senator Jeff Wentworth says it’s “preposterous,” adding, “the amendment does not ban straight marriage. Give me a break.”

Some attorneys say the controversy is far from over. They expect the argument to pop up in courtrooms across Texas, and not to be resolved until it lands in the lap of the U.S. Supreme Court.

From About.com:

George and Laura were married on November 5, 1977, at 11 A.M. in a small wedding in the Glass Chapel of the First United Methodist Church in Midland, Texas. It was the same church where Laura had been baptized. The officiant was Reverend Jerry Wyatt.

They had 75 guests. They didn’t have any bridesmaids, or groomsmen, or flower girls, or ringerbearers. Their wedding invitations were printed by hand.

George and Laura did not have a honeymoon.