Baby steps over bumpy clay
and a sight off-kilter to my eyes, the horizon
bright with snow
of majestic mammoth mountains
in air without oxygen
and light without sun.

Patience waited for me this time,
and I took it
for
my
own.

Baby steps is what I take.
Life is given to us slowly,
like sprinkles on a sweltering summer day
as our thirst aches for things to fall faster.

Come all young men and maidens, do bad company forsake,
If tongue can tell our overthrow, it would make your heart to ache;
You girls, I pray, be ruled by me, your wicked ways give o’er,
For fear, like us, you spend your days upon Van Diemen’s shore.

Miss Sarah Collins
Lament 19th century Australian Poem.

A KINSELLA ANTHOLOGY

foto – dragon boat races clarence river grafton nsw 2009

Hello Lord, it’s me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I’m faced with big decisions
And I’m wondering if you have a minute, cause
Right now I don’t hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up
I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you’re saying but
Right now, I just can’t hear you.
I don’t doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you’re saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don’t hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up
I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you’re saying but
Right now, I just can’t hear you.
And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I’m waiting on you
Right now I don’t hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up
I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you’re saying but
Right now, I think you’re whispering

-by Sara Groves

What is will? It’s the cute, dark-haired guy I briefly dated in high school.  People thought we were brother and sister because we looked so much a like. He had shared with me that on Freshman Friday they hang the freshman jocks up by their straps on the hooks attached to the walls behind the classroom doors.  OUCH! Yup it’s the strap you’re thinking of. And yes, Will said some upper classmen had hung him up on the wall and said it was very painful!

Now on a serious note, what the will to live is to me? It was passing out from blood sugar levels of 40 and I recall seeing 1.5 next to the A1C level on my medical records. Neither are good. I was passing out and having seizures for years and didn’t know it. I would feel sleepy, as my blood sugar crashed and would lay down,  thinking I was falling asleep, but was actually passing out.  I would wake in the middle of the night usually with my nightshirt soaked through; drool down the side of my face from my mouth. I’d get a chill from my wet night-shirt when it got cold and it would wake me. When I would go to eat something, it would sting my tongue along the edges. Later I found out, it was from biting my tongue during the seizures. Once, I realized what was happening and questioned the kids if, they’d ever tried to wake me. I knew something was very wrong when one of the comments was “Oh Mommy, you never wake up when we try to wake you”. They had tried to wake me for 45 minutes that particular morning. OMG, I thought! I used to be a light sleeper. I had seizures since my oldest was an infant, so they thought it was normal.

I have always had a passion for real estate and had sold a home to a client in Massachusetts, when one morning I was lying in bed and the phone was ringing.  I could hear the phone ringing, but I could not move my body or open my eyes.  I kept thinking to myself, I have to wake up, I have to wake up, I have to wake up.  Finally I woke very groggy, sat up slowly after a while, swung my feet over the side of the bed. I stood up slowly to try to avoid the usual head-rushes and dizziness I’d get. I dreaded going downstairs to get something to eat because climbing the stairs was exhausting and the bathroom was on the second floor, ugh!

I walked to the top of the stairs in my bathrobe, reached for the railing, held on to it and descended not looking down to try and keep the head spinning feeling at bay.  Trembling and shaky, I reached the kitchen putting the tea kettle on to boil. Then I walked into the living room to sit and rest while I waited to hear the whistle.

There was a loud, quick knock on the door and I called out for the person to come in. Yes, I grew up not locking doors and only started locking them after I had a huge life altering experience. Anyways, the door flew open and there was a client I had sold a home to.  Her face strained with worry.  I didn’t tell her about my illness. We basically talked about her needs for a home, her family, etc.  She said, “I called you and the phone rang and rang and I knew you were home, so I came right over thinking something was wrong because you didn’t answer it.  I said, yes I could hear the phone ring, but I couldn’t wake up to answer it.

I didn’t tell her I willed myself to wake up, like I had done many of times, not realizing what was wrong with me. I knew something was wrong back in November 1999 because I was having tremors, but the doctor I went to couldn’t find anything.  Five years and five doctors misdiagnosis later here I was finally getting a glimpse as what was yet to come.

In the years preceding this memorable occasion, I woke many of times in the morning asking myself, when am I going to find out what’s wrong with me and when am I going to get better. I could no longer do multiple directions and wondered if I had brain damage. I thought, “Well, I exist”. I have to wait until I know what’s wrong with me and then I’ll get better. Late October of 2006, I hemorrhaged badly and slept for about seven days. It was all I could do to get to the rest room and get a little food in me, only to lay down again. I was absolutely devastated, but knew I had to wait. Yes, I waited for years. I finally found out this year 2009 what was the culprit of everything that was wrong with me.   It was nine years from the time I first went to a doctor.

Two words, “Food Allergies”! They can cause a lot of health problems.

So, if you’re ill or life is not good, just think about my nine years and there is a journey of unpredictable devastation that I had to endure that goes with it. I still have things that are quiet difficult to deal with. These are things that eventually I will write about in some way.  

Seems like some of us are better than the cat with nine lives because I have  had about twenty. Wouldn’t it be nice, if others also had that opportunity?

I’d like to know your comments.

This is Reilly and like they say in Boston, “I’m in you-aa  kaw-na!

Happiness.

Smile. Laugh. Live life to its fullest! Life is short to be spent in frowning over things we can no more change. Today is another day, live in the moment we call “now”. Be positive. Believing that everything happens for a reason never fails to serve its purpose – either to make you learn from your mistakes or to make you realize that some things in life need only to be accepted.

Patience.

Life is short, really. But this doesn’t mean we have to hurry. There is always a first step, second, …, until you reach your goal. There is a right time for everything. As the saying goes, “The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing”. Waiting for that right time won’t kill you. Only forcing today to be tomorrow will do.

“One moment of patience may ward off great disaster.  One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.” – Chinese Proverb

Kindness.

“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong.  Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.” - George Washington Carver

My youngest thinks that it is a major insult to say to her sister that she has a “Continental Smiling Problem…”
What’s worse is that my eldest laughs when she hears this, thus making the younger kid mad as hell.

But what does a “Continental Smiling Problem” mean? I think I need a translator…

Family mealtimes can be a trial, even at home when you have everyone’s likes and dislikes and allergies firmly in place.  Imagine the complexity of preparing and serving institutional meals! We tend to criticize without appreciating the effort they involve.

This week I visited a friend who is in a nursing home, taking a break from her limited lifestyle at home.  It was late afternoon, the time to grab a snack to boost energy until dinner time. Except here it was dinnertime. By 5.30 p.m. everyone was in place at the dining-room, ready for the last meal of the day.

Tonight, (in a manner of speaking), it was hamburgers.  Simple? Not so.  I shared the table with four elderly women, two of whom reached the table in their wheelchairs, and not all of them too sure where they actually were.  First they were given a small cup, the kind that holds ketchup at McDonald’s, but now with pre-meal pills.

Then, one by one came, the plates with hamburgers as the centerpiece. Each plate reflected dietary demands – no sodium, low sodium, more potassium, no fats, less iron, etc.   Three held actual hamburgers, two with a small portion fries, two with zucchini – one fried, one stewed.  The fourth plate had an anemic looking slice of turkey (I think!) as the resident followed a no-red-meat diet.  Juice or iced-tea to meet needs, and a bowl of canned fruit salad – with a cherry in each one.

There was equal precision and variety at the other twenty or so tables.  The only constant was the smile on the servers’ faces: kind and patient, a lesson to all of us who get ticked off when the complaints roll in!

© 2009 Jane Manaster. All Rights Reserved.

Father

I am sitting before you again to be still and quiet in your presence.

To rejoice and celebrate your presence.

To acknowledge that this is fellowship; as your Spirit is not geographically defined, here we are in your presence together. As I intercede, knowing that Christ intercedes perfectly, I am confident of your power and will to bring blessing, by grace to all who are in this prayer communion.

Praise you, you are kind and patient. Thank you for the provision of work and healing for the body so he can work, for the chippy. Protect him and keep his mind awake to your goodness and availability to help him as he desires to serve you and witness in his daily work. 

I bring the Cherub and Bono before you. Walk alongside them and pour in the peace that passes all understanding as they cover unfamiliar ground. Let them wonder and share and be quiet or chatty, confident in you and your love for them both. Do your will and reveal that to them as the light of your word guides their steps. Praise you for all you mean and are, to and in them both.

Guide her daily in every way. Thank you for the new provision and its perfect timing. As you lead and allow her to discover her way, protect her in all your wisdom and humility, so she is proactive and quick to learn. Let her witness be light and loveliness, bringing truth and joy. You are so amazing, so strong and mighty and always Holy……fhdia\fhjdsak.lhf!

The Tidge. I continue to take great relief and confidence that you are taking care of her in new challenges. You are the perfect father and life coach. Your love is discipline and your discipline reassures of continued faithfulness to your standards. So make whole her character with assurance of her value and pricelessness to you. How she uses her life will be tuned accordingly. So help her with compassion and power to keep on standing. As she feels vulnerable or ‘full of beans’, be her closest friend, hold her hand so she is reminded you are with her every moment. Thank you.

Thank you for Esther and our very tender friedship, how you so widen the horizons of how we can love each other. As she seeks work in science and feels the fragility of her future, send your reassurance. Help her command fear to recede as your love becomes more 3d. Let your will and Kingdom be seen as she takes each day and its challenges. Let her be both Spirit and flint. Unbreakable life. Please make straight the path to her scientific research, removing the prejudice and blinkers of University obstructions. Open the gates and break the bars. Make her clear in her thinking so her work is crisp and useful, bringing honour to your name.

Let the Tetrarch’s brother have his needs met in Christ but not met by unstable aliances. You are sovereign over all the works and institutions. I ask you to look upon that situation and depend on your mercy, wisdom and eternal goodness.

I pray you help Cara not to be anxious about her teacher’s absence. Take gentle care of her and her classmates. Help them to grow in maturity and skills together and Let this disturbance be used to advantage. Lord I lift the teacher and colleagues up to your hands of healing and reconciliation. Thank you for the width of your overshadowing wings.

Joe T Sh. You have known and been meeting him at every point of need. I pray that he continues in his discovery of you and your character, especially of your grace to fuel him.

Please let him rely on you to inspire him for the organisation of the social events for which he has responsibility. Let him find his organisational skills are growing like excercised muscles, and thus by your power at work within his inner man, bless the school work, the branch groups and the talks he has to prepare and deliver, so he blesses others without hindrance.

Please bring lots of children to the boys CU and likewise girls if such provision is available. Let the things you have promised about praise from the lips of babes and infants be multiplied and evident. Let the branches all grow stronger and stronger in the vine. Jesus thank you for being the source and life in these groups. Let young lives be changed from glory to glory and fruitfulness, making all the teaching available and relevant to every age group.

We pray for the young man sent back to st Lens by the other church. Let him learn a lot about your unchanging and unfailing love by this apparent set back. Help him discover your purpose and hold on to you. Let him be as thrilled and on track in your will as one of the bobsled teams in the winter olympics! halleluja!

As Joe returns home for the Christmas break, help him readjust to family life and be sensitive to how his role is valuable in that circle, likewise his sisters. Bless them all as they relax and celebrate together. Use them together as a family to witness to the community of your trinity love and fellowship. Thank you for what you have done for them and through them.

On his return to Ammersham, help him tackle the paperwork without dread or prevarication! Help him just to get started and then find it is not such a big monster on the hill-toand please let him not have it on his mind during the holidays. Bless his work in every way with the youth.

Please in the course of the next weeks and his remaining time at St Len’s show him what your plan is for the future. Let him hear you in his quiet times, leading him as you counsel him, focusing on each day and how each day is part of the jouirney to the next place of work and service. As he gives himself to your service, keep him assured that you are watching over and guiding him.

Lord this is all in your hands. I lay it all down and thank you for being trustworthy. Your sight and perspective is eternally perfect. Amen.

What an incredible day. I woke up later than I wanted to. I set the alarm for 6:00 am but snoozed it until 7:00 am. However, I woke up and immediately threw my shoes on and ran to the beach and back. It was about a 2.5 mile run so I feel great and really proud of myself.

Miami Beach Nature Walk at 7 am

Me at 7 on Miami Beach

71st St Sun Rise in Miami Beach

Miami Beach

Miami Beach

Let me tell you that your life starts to take shape so quickly once you start to actively mold it the way you desire. If you want to experience an incredible life, start your day with an hour to making your body the way you want it to be. Talk about increasing your personal power. Every conversation and interaction I have today will be done with a better attitude, better energy, and more confidence than if I had not. I stand taller, feel better, think better, if you are looking for a miracle pill that will give you an edge I will sell you a box of sugar pills and tell you, “take two of these, run two miles, do 20 push ups, and 20 sit ups, and do this everyday for the rest of your life and I guarantee you will always feel great, I could charge you $50 a bottle for that. You don’t need a pill, you just need to act.

So after I took my shower and drank some protien I did 30 minutes on my new radio show while I was on the bus. Then I wrote a prayer on the Divinity Water Project Blog, and now I am writing this blog. I am still enroute to my job and it is only 9:07 am! I feel like a giant because I can still get so much accomplished today.

View from Miami Omni Station

Miami Metro mover is coming

Here is the Metro mover

Miami Metro Rail Government Center

View from Miami Government Center Station

Miami

Paul Kohler

Wow, I look really stupid. That’s cool. I will look better in time. Step by step. It is really cold outside and I am white as a ghost. I will keep running on the beach, give my skin some color and tighten up my body and the change will show clear. I will write more later today.

Lots of good news is on the way, but isn’t it best to get the bad stuff out of the way first? Yeah, I thought so too.

• When I went to make arrangements to have my furniture made (I realize that falls into the “good news” category, but wait a second and you’ll understand), I accidentally told the guy that I would pay him 1000 birr (about $90) more than I was saying in my head. I went out, thinking that it was all good until Kebede told me that I did “one bad thing.” Bummer. Hopefully we’ll get it straightened out tomorrow…
• I had to fire Dawit (my little 11-year old boy that helped Zenabu in the garden) today. This is the 4th time I’ve had to talk to him about sitting around while I’m paying him to work. I felt kinda like I was killing the kid, but he handled it better than I did.
• I leave on Sunday for a week in Dilla, where I will be attending a CHE training. I chose to put this in the “bad news” category, because I’m not at all excited about it yet. I’m traveling with someone that I can’t talk to, and have absolutely no idea when/where/how anything is happening for the whole week (aka, no control. I’ve never really thought of myself as a control freak, but maybe I am!)
• My wireless internet is on the fritz and I have no idea how to fix it, and only 1 ½ days before I leave for Dilla. A whole week without internet would be hard….

And onto the good news!

• I survived my first major holiday away from home, and it was great! I had clinic all day(that needs a post of its own), then Mary dropped me off at the hospital where I had a fantastic meal with that crew. And I wasn’t even homesick! I’m not sure I’ll be singing the same tune at Christmas.
• However, I might actually be happy at Christmas, because my friend is one step closer to being able to come! He just has to figure out how to get some frequent flyer miles from the account of one of his family members (with her permission, of course) into his. If he comes, he’ll fly in on Christmas Eve night. That means I’ll be in Addis (yuck) for Christmas, but I’ll be with a friend from home!
• I ordered furniture for my living room.
• Arrangements are currently being made to paint my living room in the next few weeks.
• My mom is sending me cute curtains for Christmas.
• My uncle is feeling good after his second chemo treatment. 
• Baby Sophie is super cute and so fun.
• Kebede and I went to the driving school today, and procured the driving manual (in Amharic, which Kebede will translate for me) AND my learner’s permit! Which means I can drive myself around! Of course I had a freak-out moment and made Kebede drive for the rest of the day, but that’s apparently just how I work. I’m sure that as I get more used to the idea, I’ll be ok.
• Depending on her health, Mary is thinking about going to clinic twice a week after Christmas.
• The weather here this time of year is perfect—70’s and sunny.
• God is good.
• I’m where I’m supposed to be.
• I am redeemed, restored, and forgiven!

1. Things happen when you least expect them to.

2. Patience is being hopeful.

3. Time away always helps.

4. Daydreaming is as essential as reading.

5. Choices will always be there for you to make.

6. Go with the flow.

7. Live in the present.

8. It’s better to be preoccupied than to have nothing to do.

9. Lie in the sun sometimes.

10. Admit things.

Today I cried.  It felt so good.  I needed that.  I had been holding so much in the inside trying to be so strong for everyone else.  But today I broke down.  So many emotions and feelings.  Some were of anger, pain, hurt, feelings of betrayal, loneliness, happiness, thankfulness to mention a few.  I can’t really tell you everything that I was feeling.  But I know I was able to vent to Soror Nedra.  My oh my you talking about  ”we help each other for we know there’s no other like our sisterhood” that is what sisters are for.  I so appreciate her for just lending me her ear for a few minutes.  Sometimes thats all it takes is a few minutes.

Then my cousin Nikki texted me and I was able to really just tell it all to her since she knows everything.  And it was as if I was in the counselors chair.  I just poured it all out.  And then came the tears.  I tried to hold my head up and not make a sound because I didn’t want my boys to hear me.  But it just came out.  I had no control.  I don’t know if you have ever been in the spirit and tried to come out and you couldn’t.  Well that is what happen to me today.  I so needed that.  Because I’ve not been to therapy in almost a year now. 

Sometimes keeping yourself busy to not focus on your problems doesn’t work.  And I know for me I have to be strong for so many that I have to put myself off often times.  But how many of us know that you MUST take care of yourself before you can take care of others.  Thus the reason why the flight attendants tell you to put your mask on before you help your child or anyone else.

I don’t celebrate holidays.  However Thanksgiving is just one of those days that I think you are just supposed to be surrounded by loves ones.  It’s such an emotional day for me.  And this morning something so strong came over me.  It was so overwhelming.  But again I thank the Lord on today for just placing someone in my life that allowed me to vent. 

I don’t know about you but my battles start in my mind.  That is where the devil tries to get the best of me.  But how many of you know that he is defeated on today?  He doesn’t have the victory over my mind nor my body nor my soul.  But Jesus made a way of escape for me today just as he promised.  You know I love me some Jesus.  I really do.  I can’t tell you all that he’s done for me because I would be writing for days.  But when I tell you that he is a healer, that he is a friend, that he is a life line, that he is a keeper, that he is long-suffering, that he is patient, but also he chastises me as well.  And I appreciate him for that alone.  I thank him for getting on to me when I’m out of line.  I thank him that I have an ear to hear when he is getting on to me.

You know I have so much to be thankful for on today.  Not because its Thanksgiving but because when I didn’t want to live any more he told me that “THIS IS NOT UNTIL MY DEATH” when I wanted to just give up he wouldn’t allow me and because of that I’ve seen one child off to the US Army, I have one graduating next year and I’m raising my last one with love and patience as well.  I’m so glad that I’m still around to talk to them and tell that I love them and that I’m here for them.  I’m just so grateful on today.  Not only has he allowed me to raise my children; he has allowed me to be a positive force in so many youth today.  And for that I’m grateful as well.  My soul rejoices in him tonight.  I’m happy in Jesus tonight.  He has truly been a wonder in my soul!!!

It has been a year since the event happened…the memories are still fresh in our minds… But what has it yielded… People are making the day as if it’s a martyrs’ day.. and if it is what have we don’t to salute and grieve over those who lost their lives this day last year??

 Have you given them the justice..?? do you think only mourning helps??

 Some say wear white for peace…some say wear black for mourning..?? wat is this is this a fight against terrorism or one those innumerable days that cards industry like Archies market on..??

 The people responsible for this are yet to face the judgment… they are given a treatment that is definitely not befitting to what they have done… and wat is the response to all this??

We are a peace loving nation… this is our culture… patience, tolerance, submissive ness… blah blah blah…

 Cmon… you can’t pull off a Munna bhai act with these people – send them a bunch of flowers and say “Get Well Soon Mamu…!!!”

Fine wateva… these are a just few lines of moi explaining my inner tumult and anger… 2 cents of the hubbub in my mind…sorry if this sounds like a controversial piece,… but I’ve had it since morning…

It’s been a year

Some still in fear

For others its just

 another day, mere

They came they blew

They killed and slew

Yet they face no penalty

 Though many hearts bid Adieu

Exactly a year later

And we aint no better

He‘s but to face a sentence

Yet every whim of his we cater

Wen we ask the folks

For answers, we coax

Abt punishment we ask

To they who rule us poor blokes

Only facts do we portray

Law for all goes the same way

ut he’s a terrorist we protest

But now he’s in India, they say

Another year gone

And yet no judgment is drawn

We’re left to move on and on

Won’t we ever have a dawn??

How many more such events

How much more tolerance

Haven’t we learnt anythin frm the past

Why so much pretence

This is our so called tradition

No fights no ammunition

No aggression, just plain ol’

Patience and submission

Do you know cooking?  What is the best thing you have cooked so far ? What have you prepared for the thanksgiving dinner ?

…it’s all about timing.

there is tranquility in patience.

I don’t have the patience anymore. I don’t feel like laughing when I go home and there is no electricity and water. I am not amused when I want to buy something or go somewhere and the money they ask is the triple of the normal price. I am not ok anymore with the dust that surrounds my entire existence. I am sick of the unknown to me people that grab me on the street or feel the need to talk with me. I am sorry! I know they are trying to be friendly but I am tired of it.

The thing I hate the most is people talking in Twi about me in the tro tro and making jokes.  They look at me and

Patience

laugh. I speak to them in Romanian just to show them it’s weird when people do that to you. They ask if I insulted them. I ask: “Did you just insult me in Twi?” Thank God is not happening very often!

I have never been a party girl so by now I am bored with the party places in Accra. I like travelling but I finished seeing all I wanted to see and it’s no fun going to the same place more than twice. My job was never extremely exciting like AIESEC used to be, but it becomes more annoying every day. And I hate that.

The only thing I will miss about my experience here are my friends. We will all go to our home countries in the end but somehow I am positive we will meet again, somewhere, somehow!

I am more than ready to go home…  Although I am so scared! I don’t know if I will find a job or another internship. The idea of asking money from my family makes me really sick. They have always always been there for me, no matter what. But I am 25 now and I want to be ok on my own.

I have made plenty bad choices because I wasn’t patient enough… Rushing into things just because I hate the lack of action or not knowing what my next step should be. I always had a plan. In 2 year from now I will do that… in 200x I will be there. Not knowing and not having a plan from January 1 makes me scared. But I do hope my next step will not be made because of lack of patience!

The only thing I am certain about is that I will do my best. I still believe that good things happen to good people and I like to think about myself that I am a good individual.

Me trying to be patient!

And therein lay
The silent authority
That would eclipse one
Over the other,
The decision taken
On account of itself.

This, that is not
Where are you?
I know you do not hide
Amongst those who are.
Ah, there you are
Smiling, off to the side.