Dear God,

So far this year you have taken away my favorite dancer, Michael Jackson, my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favorite singer, Stephen Gately, and my favorite actress, Farah Fawcett.
Just so you know, my favorite politician is Traian Basescu.

Regards.

Dear God, so far, this year you have taken away my favorite dancer, Michael Jackson, my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze and my favorite singer, Stephen Gately and my favorite actress, Farah Fawcett. Just so you know, my favorite politician is Traian Basescu.

Regards

Ok, this is tangential, but I was watching the soap Doctors today, and it featured one of the doctors or their staff in one of those side stories which take up an entire episode. Something about a funeral and a stricken family struggling to come to terms not only with the death of their relative but with the fact that he was a complete and utter bastard.

What interested me was not so much the plot (mildly entertaining) or the medical content (ok there was none) but the use of the ghost of the dead man (a la Patrick Swayze in Ghost) as a narrative presence in the film.

Yes, I know, it’s unlikely that the medical zeitgeist is changing and cracks are appearing in the facade of our empiricism. It’s much more likely that this was just a ridiculous story line cooked up in desperation at the fag end of a long brainstorming session. Just thought I’d mention it.

Stivers and Cagle (center) with M.S. in Publishing students at Entertainment Weekly

“You’re never done,” said Cyndi Stivers, managing editor of EW.com about career trajectories and the importance of staying current.   “Get comfortable with that idea and keep learning. The stuff that comes easily to you may actually be a rare and marketable skill.” Next to her, Jess Cagle, managing editor of Entertainment Weekly (all Time Inc. top editors have this title instead of Editor-in-Chief), nodded in agreement. Both editors had agreed to sit down with NYU’s Master of Science in Publishing students to talk about careers, publishing, and the challenges of entertainment journalism.

Stivers certainly knows what she’s talking about: she began her career during the “hot type” (also known as mechanical typesetting) printing era,  taught her bosses to use computers, and stood at the forefront of the transition to desktop publishing. After launching Time Out New York, she moved to Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia and helped found Martha’s 24-hour Sirius satellite radio channel. Now, as top web editor of one of the most popular entertainment reporting brands in the business, Stivers is enmeshed in publishing’s current shift to digital media. In other words, she’s seen the industry in transition and had an active role in those changes. “That’s why I’m not freaked out,” she said. Indeed, the current moment is an exciting one for Stivers, Cagle, and the brand they manage.

For Cagle, who has  been a writer, editor, and reporter both in print and on television, “There’s nothing more gratifying than working on a magazine—that tactile thing that you hold. It was always my first love,” he says. His writing start came during his college stint as an intern and fact checker for People. His secret to success? Barging endlessly into the managing editor’s office and asking to write—until he was finally assigned a music review of a group called Run DMC. Cagle’s take on the emerging rap scene impressed his editors, and he eventually landed key writing, reporting, and editing gigs at People, Entertainment Weekly, and Time.

These days, along with Stivers, Cagle presides over a brand that has kept the pulse of the entertainment industry since the magazine’s launch in 1990, when Time Inc. spun off the popular review section of People into a full-fledged magazine of its own. With just over 12 million readers per month (total paid and verified circulation stands at 1,796,560; the pass along rate is more than six readers per copy; and 60% of readers are female), the magazine today boasts unparalleled access to celebrities. The staff of 80 people includes bureaus in both New York and Los Angeles. Entertainment Weekly does not maintain separate editorial staffs for online and print editions, though the debate over which content shall appear online is an ongoing one. Until recently, the website contained everything the print edition did “day and date,” but now the brand caters to its different audiences more precisely. (Indeed, according to Stivers, there is only an 11% overlap between print readers and those who read the site religiously.)

As savvy editors, Stivers and Cagle maximize every opportunity: with a conference room full of opinionated, eager publishing students, naturally the editors decided to turn the tables and conduct an informal mini focus group. “Tell us what covers you like best and worst,” they said, gesturing at the wall of Entertainment Weekly covers.  Perceptive publishing students quickly came to a pretty clear majority: strong single images (David Letterman with his pants dangling around his knees and Robert Downey, Jr. in costume as Sherlock Holmes or Ironman) won out over cluttered preview covers. Excessive digitization (such as the cover of a manipulated-looking Megan Fox) turned students off; iconic, natural closeups like the Patrick Swayze cover intrigued them.

After Cagle and Stivers headed off to their afternoon meetings, editorial assistant Archana Ram gave students a tour of the offices. Books, albums and CDs of films and TV shows were everywhere, waiting to be reviewed.  Archana showed students one staple of a magazine office that never seems to disappear: the mock-up wall. Editors gather each day for “wall meetings,” a tradition of analyzing and perfecting the order and placement of stories and ads. The wall—a space that existed for editors long before Entertainment Weekly’s launch—was our reminder that tactile, print visuals are still a key element of the media world.

Students on tour at E.W. with editorial assistant Archana Ram (right)

Stivers and Cagle have clearly done a great job of refining entertainment journalism and creating a promising synergy between the magazine and website. For all those who disparage the current fate of the magazine world, Stivers has this strong and clear message: “It is still a very vibrant and exciting space to work in.”

Laura De Silva

courtesy fixster

Here’s your pass to Golden Girl Island, Patrick.  Thank you for being a friend.

–Cap’n Blackjack

Cap’n Blackjack is not exaggerating. If I had a harpoon stuck in my throat while gurgling blood to a Kenny G. jingle, I would have been in a better situation than I was during my first, and only, viewing of RK.

There was even a sucking sound as my soul was been drained. Thankfully, Cap’n Blackjack recognized my dire situation and replaced this foul thing with the last movie I would have ever guessed would save my life: Black Dog.

courtesy urgh/wordpress

**Meatloaf: Pulled me out like a something out of somewhere.

I remember saying, “Thank goodness for Black Dog!” And it’s true. We even recorded the last 40 minutes so we could watch it in the morning.

So please, don’t take the RK Challenge lightly. And under no circumstances watch this movie alone or without an alternative viewing schedule ready to go at a moment’s notice. It could just be a matter of life and death.

–Limejuiceboy

courtesy accesshollywood

It might surprise some of you that we here at Celebrity Exile don’t always banish evildoers to the island.  No, we also provide a public service, providing warnings to those who are on the dark path.

The path to The Island.

We call this Timeout Island: a last chance to fix things before permanent exile.  And Robert and Al are two men that desperately need a timeout.  This realization dawned on me when watching the truly horrific 2008 release Righteous Kill; a movie that we currently have a challenge for:  If you can watch the entire thing without turning it off, you lose. 

Limejuiceboy and I tried the Righteous Kill Challenge once.  I dare you all to do the same.  Sounds easy, I know, but it’s not.  Dear Lord in Heaven it is NOT.  To try to describe the many reasons why would be useless.  Let’s just say that about 50 minutes in, the Limejuiceboy turned to me, ashen and fragile of spirit, suggesting I turn it off.  There was a small measure of panic behind his eyes but my case of Righteous Kill-itis was not as pronounced, so I rejected the offer.  We only had 40 minutes left!  Surely we would make it to the end (not that I cared about the ending.  I just wanted to win the challenge). 

Wrong.  Ten minutes later, with only seconds before the one hour mark, he begged me to shut it off.  Begged me.  Seeing him in this broken-down state made me realize it was killing him.  Literally.  He looked like poor Donovan after sipping from the wrong grail.  He had no strength left.  He just wanted to live.  Thank god Patrick Swayze (rest in peace my friend) was on basic cable to revive him.  And me too.  It was like a warm soothing presence swept through the room that dark n’ stormy night.  The dark spirits were banished.  We were born anew.

Common sense might tell you that two actors of such repute would lift such a drab movie above the gutter, but that just wasn’t the case with Righteous Kill.

The sad truth is that Al Pacino has turned into a caricature of himself.  Yelling, flailing his arms, doing that eye thing he does…  You’ve seen it before.  Many times.  And now it’s ten times worse.  He’s not acting anymore.  He’s just being himself.  And himself is bugnuts.

And what about De Niro?  He’s still good, right?  No, he’s Frankenstein now (Branagh was really onto something there).  He can’t move.  He can’t emote.  And he most certainly cannot act anymore.  There’s just nothing left.  It’s like watching your grandfather trying, and failing, to get up from the dinner table.  It’s just sad.

So, guys, please stop listening to your agents.  You are ruining your reputations.  You were just out-acted by 50 Cent and Donnie Freaking Wahlberg!  And Analyze That, Meet the Fockers, Gigli..?  These movies are terrible!  Neither one of you has made a good one since the late nineties!  Please, find new agents or stay home.  I don’t want to see you like this.  No one does.  You owe it to yourselves to think about what you’ve done and make a decision. 

Take a timeout.  Limejuiceboy’s life depends on it.

–Cap’n Blackjack

So far this year, you have taken away:

1) My favorite musician, Michael Jackson;

2) My favorite actor, Patrick Swayze;

3) My most beautiful actress, Farrah Fawcett;

4) My original “Guitar Hero,” Les Paul.

Just so you know, my favorite politician is Barack Obama.

(borrowed from Bill Vaughn @ facebook)

Late actor Patrick Swayze’’s younger brother Donny has thrashed the media for making false reports on the actor’s health before his death.

The ‘Dirt Dancing’ star’s sibling insists that headlines hinting he was close to death discouraged the actor battling pancreatic cancer.

“Grocery shopping at the 7-Eleven corner store for two years (was hard) because going into the grocery store was just too much,” the Daily Express quoted him as telling U.S. talk show host Larry King.

He added: “In every checkout stand they would have a big picture of my brother with some horrible headline with a lie, a blatant lie (that he had days to live). “

Also, the star’’s widow, Lisa Niemi, added: “We (can) do a list of how many organs (the tabloids said) he’’s had removed, because he had part of his lung removed, part of his stomach, part of his intestine. Heart attack. You just can”t believe that they can say this and get away with it.”

Swayze passed away in September this year.

Chiusi nella vostra cameretta a quindici anni quante volte avete provato la «mossa della gru» davanti allo specchio sperando di stendere il bullo di turno e ricevere il bacio della vittoria dalla più Bella-Bionda-Barbie della scuola? Mentre le ragazzine immaginavano di volare a occhi chiusi tra le braccia di Patrick Swayze al ballo di fine anno, i maschietti sognavano di partecipare l’All-Valley Karate Championship come Daniel La Russo, sfidando i cattivi sulle note di You’re the Best di Joe Esposito, canzone simbolo di «Karate Kid».
Girato nel 1984 con l’obiettivo dichiarato di essere un blockbuster “Rocky per adolescenti” (non a caso il regista è lo stesso del film con Stallone, John G. Avildsen), Karate Kid ha ereditato dal suo fratello maggiore cinematografico anche la colonna sonora. La canzone di Joe Esposito era infatti stata scritta originariamente per Rocky III, anche se alla fine è stata scelta The Eye of The Tiger per il terzo episodio della saga più famosa del cinema.
Due i riferimenti pugilistici e a Rocky in particolare nel testo: «History repeats itself» («La storia si ripete») e «You’ll reach the final bell» («Arriverai fino all’ultima campana»). Ma questi sono solo dettagli per gli storici: qui a Radio Rock quello che conta sono le emozioni e You’re the Best con la sua ritmica sincopata, il suo ritornello orecchiabile e il finale in crescendo è il simbolo di una generazione che vuole continuare a credere di poter cambiare le cose solo grazie al coraggio e che si può ancora stare dalla parte dei buoni e vincere. Perché se lo vogliamo veramente e se amiamo per davvero c’è un Daniel San in ognuno di noi.

At long last, it’s over; I come clean and admit it. I am… that is to say, I was, Belle de Pour, the infamous blogger that regularly prostituted my talents for £300 a week in order to finance myself through an evening class in pottery for beginners.

OK, I've come clean about the pottery, now do I get a book deal?

Patrick Swayze movie at Belcourt Theatre
Wanna catch a midnight viewing of Roadhouse?

It’s a Thanksgiving miracle!

Not really.

Even as her friends and contemporaries die around her, Too Good for Dirt Liz can’t seem to take the subtle hint.

Thus I am putting together an online petition and will be gathering signatures urging Ms. Taylor to do the right thing and die of natural causes immediately.

When I have gathered 3 or 4 signatures I will present the petition to her in the guise of some shitty award because thats all that actors and actresses care about.

Jennifer Aniston wouldn’t piss on her mother if she was on fire but she’d use babies for shoes and run down to the food court at the mall to collect the Best Actress….(Oh Sorry We Meant The Dog)…In A Dog Movie award.

Anyway, I’m sick of posting Liz Taylor pics so here’s this.

Amy Sedaris’s homemade cheese balls can be purchased at The Gourmet Garage in Greenwich Village.

I tried a Lil’ Smokey a few years back and it was yummy…..exactly the kind of yummy that Liz Taylor could choke to death on while her assistants silently look on while forming an unspoken pact.

I might suggest leaving a few along the baseboards of Liz’s mansion.

Despite what the media and politician’s (let’s face it; they are the same thing) keep saying, the economy is only getting worse.  Americans love their sequels but I don’t think the Great Depression II is one they have been looking forward to.  Never the less it is here.  The big wigs in DC may not be feeling the pinch but the rest of us are and like our predecessors we are pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps.

Take Chef Susan Irby (the Bikini Chef) for instance who has just published her new The $7 a Meal Quick & Easy Cookbook (Adams Media).  Irby is a cheflebrity who has cooked with the likes of Todd English and Ming Tsai and for the likes of Patrick Swayze, David Spade and Kate Segal.  But in this 332 page guide she teaches you how to cook like a celebrity chef without blowing your fiscal or time budget.

The 301 recipes found within sound expensive but are not like the Grilled, Herb-Custed Pork Chops with White Wine Sauce ($6.96), Baked Tortillas with Crab and Basil ($6.60) and London Broil with Merlot Marinade ($7 flat).  But what really sets Irby’s work apart from others is the way she gives you a basic recipe then teaches you how to elaborate on it.  Take for instance the humble omelet; first the Bikini Chef gives her basic omelet recipe then she expands on it with the Roasted Red Pepper Omelet, Vegetarian Omelet and the Golden Apple Omelet made with both Parmesan and Bleu cheeses.

Each recipe is broken down with a chart that details prep time, cook time, total cost, calories, fat, protein, cholesterol and sodium content.  The book consists of fifteen chapters thirteen of which are recipes.  The first two are purely instructional with chapter one providing information for those new to the home cooking game include a list for a properly stocked pantry and freezer while chapter two is full of tips for shopping on a budget.

The $7 a Meal Quick & Easy Cookbook is perfect for the 20-something just starting out or the family that is having to reinvent itself because of trying economic times.

Anul 2008 a fost un an negru la Hollywood, asta dupa ce lumea filmului a pierdut cateva dintre cele mai mari valori ale sale. Mai trist este faptul ca acesti actori au murit inainte de vreme, lasand in urma roluri memorabile si suflete triste.

Heath Ledger

Stirea din 22 decembrie care ne anunta ca Heath Ledger nu mai este printre noi ne-a lovit pe toti ca un fulger. Chiar daca am sperat sa fie vorba de o greseala si asteptam ca aceste zvonuri sa fie infirmate de Heath, acest lucru nu s-a intamplat. Si mai tragic este faptul ca actorul se afla in plina ascensiune, dupa succesul mare inregistrat cu “Brokeback Mountain” si avea doar 29 de ani. O supradoza accidentala de medicamente a fost suficienta sa ne lase indurerati si sa luam cu asalt ultimul film pe care l-a finalizat: “The Dark Knight” unde l-a interpretat pe nemesis-ul lui Batman – Jokerul. Acest ultim rol pe care l-a dus la bun sfarsit s-a dovedit a fi o interpretare magistrala, care a fost premiata cu un Oscar post-mortem si care va ramane mereu in sufletul nostru.

Brad Renfro

Acest tanar talent a murit cu cateva zile inaintea lui Heath Ledger la varsta de doar 26 de ani, in urma unei supradoze de heroina. Dupa debutul in filmul The Client, Renfro a dovedit ca e un actor bun atat in drame cat si in comedii. Dovada vie a talentului sau stau filmele Apt Pupil sau Ghost World. Ultimul sau film – The Informers – a aparut pe marile ecrane la un an dupa moartea sa si a intrunit o distributie impresionanta formata din actori precum Billy Bob Thorton, Kim Basinger, Mickey Rourke, Winona Ryder sau Rhys Ifans.

Bernie Mac

La 50 de ani, Bernie Mac era un tanar plin de viata prins intr-un corp de adult. Este trist sa vezi cum o pneumonie poate sa rapeasca unul dintre cele mai mari valori de pe scena comediei americane. The Original Kings of Comedy, aparut in 2000, a fost productia care a atintit toate luminile asupra acestui stand-up comedian foarte talentat, care a plecat dintre noi mult prea devreme. Ce a urmat mai apoi in 2001, avea sa fie rampa lui de lansare spre succes. Serialul The Bernie Mac Show a vrajit din prima publicul, inregistrand un succes fantastic si fiind nominalizat atat la premiile Emmy cat si la Golden Globes. De aici a inceput pentru Bernie un ultim deceniu de viata cu aparitii in filme de referinta precum Ocean’s Eleven, Ocean’s Twelve, Bad Santa, Guess Who, Soul Men sau, ultimul film in care il putem vedea, Old Dogs.

Isaac Lee Hayes

Cu toate ca s-a facut remarcat mai mult pe scena muzicala in calitate de compozitor si cantaret, Isaac Lee Hayes o sa ramana cunoscut mereu pentru insufletirea personajului Chef, din celebra animatie South Park. Din 1997 pana in 2005 acesta i-a dat viata bucatarului de la cantina scolii din South Park. Chiar daca avea 65 de ani, nu parea sa incetineasca deloc,insa atacul de cord pe care acesta l-a suferit pe 10 august 2008 avea sa incheie o cariera care ar mai fi putut continua ani buni.

Anthony Minghella

Cu toate ca a debutat ca regizor in 1990 cu filmul Truly, Madly, Deeply, Minghella a atins apogeul carierei sale in 1996, cand a filmul The English Patient, pe care l-a regizat si al carui scenariu l-a scris, a fost distins cu 9 premii Oscar si 2 premii Golden Globe. Succesul acestui film sta ca dovada talentului si viziunii extraordinare de care a dat dovada acest regizor si scenarist valoros de-a lungul timpului. Filme precum The Talented Mr. Ripley sau Cold Mountain nu fac decat sa pastreze vie amintirea lui in lumea cinematografiei. Ziua de 18 martie 2008 avea sa aduca vestea decesului sau, survenit in urma unei hemoragii, dupa ce cu o saptamana inainte regizorul fusese operat pentru extirparea unei tumori maligne.

Patrick Swayze

Cand am aflat ca Patrick Swayze a fost diagnosticat cu cancer pancreatic, am sperat cu totii ca va infrange boala si va continua sa ne fure privirile in noi productii. Dar soarta nu a fost de partea lui si dupa o lupta care a durat aproape 2 ani, actorul a decedat pe 14 septembrie, acasa, inconjurat de familie si sotia sa, Lisa Niemi, cu care s-a casatorit in 1975. Dirty Dancing si Ghost sunt cu siguranta doua dintre filmele prin care Swayze si-a asigurat nemurirea in lumea cinematografiei. Chiar si in ultimele luni din viata actorul nu a renuntat la ceea ce stia el sa faca mai bine: actoria. Astfel, acesta a reaparut pe marile ecrane pe 15 ianuarie 2009, in rolul principal din serialul TV The Beast. Avea doar 57 de ani…si l-am pierdut.

]]> http://celebrityandworld.wordpress.com/2009/11/14/strictly-come-dancing-to-air-tribute-to-patrick-swayze/ Sat, 14 Nov 2009 08:54:06 +0000 celebrityandworld http://celebrityandworld.wordpress.com/2009/11/14/strictly-come-dancing-to-air-tribute-to-patrick-swayze/

Talent show Strictly Come Dancing will soon pay tribute to late actor Patrick Swayze.

Dancers Brian Fortuna and Kristina Rihanoff will perform on the track ‘She’’s Like The Wind,’ from the star’s film ‘Dirty Dancing.’

“Kristina is a big fan of Patrick and asked the show if she could do a tribute,” the Sun quoted a source as saying.

Swayze died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 57 in September this year.

Patrick Swayze’s widow yearns for him to touch her from beyond the grave – like in his hit movie Ghost.

Lisa Niemi told chat show queen OprahWinfrey she thought READ MORE>>>

Ghost stories not seen anywhere else

They are the ugly ducklings of cinema. The movies we love because no one else will. Let our new writer Lester Square take you through his favourite cinematic guilty pleasures…

1am: a few weeks ago. I am slumped on a sofa in Lester Square Towers mindlessly flicking between genuine TV stations and Sky Sports News, looking for chewing gum for the eyes. And then… BINGO! Escape From New York. Kurt Russell in a glider and an eyepatch, running round apocalyptic Manhattan, taking orders from the baddie in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, trying to save the president and occasionally running into somebody with the best cleavage in cinema history.

1.30am: I’m still on the sofa.

2am: still there. This is stupid - I watched this a fortnight ago. It’s utter crap, I am supposed to be at work in six hours and I can’t move. Must. See. The. End. Will Kurt save the US? Has he ever changed his hairstyle?

Later that day: in work, dark rims round eyes. Colleague asks what I was up to last night. I couldn’t tell her, I was too embarrassed.

Escape From New York is truly a guilty pleasure, just like all the Carry On films, Snakes on a Plane, and A Night at the Museum. Oh, and Transformers. But not my Big Fat Greek Wedding, definitely not…

5th equal. Waterworld (1995)

This really is a car crash of a movie, truly soppingly wet dreadful. Lame singing star Michael Bolton (Kevin Costner) runs around a catamaran on various pulleys and Dennis Hopper is on a boat trying to get a kid who has a map on its back. Or something. Truly crap. I must have watched it 30 times.

5th equal. Under Siege (1992)

‘Casey, Casey Ryback is on that boat?’ Seagal at his peak, and that is saying something. Trapped on a boat with crap sailors, awful music (Tommy Lee Jones) but great food, the former Navy Seal recaptures a nuclear-missile loaded boat from Lee Jones and Busey, while talking on a small phone to the bunkers of the Pentagon. ‘Welcome to the revolution!!’

4. Flash Gordon (1980)

Possibly the campest film in history. An American sports jock with Farrah Fawcett hair flies around space in a red vest, avoids nasty plants, future James Bonds, and a big tippy disc with spikes in it. Along the way he watches in awe at the greatest piece of overacting ever. ‘Diiiii-ve!’. Great soundtrack as well.

3. Independence Day (1996)

Earth, or more importantly, Washington and New York, is under attack from aliens. Jeff Goldblum plays chess, Randy Quaid sprays crops, Will Smith plays Will Smith. Somehow this advanced race that has invaded us is susceptible to a virus from a ZX Spectrum. ‘Welcome to Earth.’

2. Point Break (1991)

Keanu Reeves on a surfboard. Bank robbers on a surfboard. Gary Busey!! Gangsta surfers. Yet somehow, we still liked Swayze at the end of this quality rubbish. Imagine going to a movie executive with the plot for this.

1. Wimbledon (2004)

I have never met anybody else who likes this film but no idea why. It’s great. Good little love story, which looks like a tourist board film for London and Brighton and has Bettany, Dunst, Neill and the greatest of all sports that really isn’t very important, tennis. If Andrew Murray ever wins, it won’t be half as much fun.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE GUILTY PLEASURE MOVIES?

TOP FIVES ARCHIVE

GREAT SCENES ARCHIVE

I obviously haven’t “graduated” in the world of online dating according to eHarmony’s recent TV ads that pose them as the graduate school of online dating websites…for people who are ready for REAL grown-up relationships. There’s been an interesting shift in their advertising strategy from TV ads featuring stories by gooey eyed couples at ice rinks and nature trails to self-proclaiming themselves as the “relationship” website and targeting older audiences.

Apparently being THAT in love gives you the strength and balance to do a push-up against the rail of a ferryboat- while kissing your ethnically diverse girlfriend and making sure you don’t throw her overboard. Cool. Sign me up.

While this may work for some, I’m probably too liberal and not Christian enough to join eHarmony; led by Christian founder Dr. Warren (who only believes in matching heterosexuals). I’m also just too lazy to fill out their long ass questionnaire and am not interested in marrying my twin soul or someone who’s compatible with me on 29 dimensions. All this being said, I’m still a freshman at the online school of dating…and I’m on eHarmony’s competitor site, that is “based on pictures and 1-paragraph profiles”. I guess I’m just THAT shallow. I have friends who’ve tried eHarmony and complain about the lack of profile pictures, being matched with people who live far away and who are way too old for them. I think eHarmony should watch and learn a bit before pretending to be the Ivy League of online dating- oops, I mean online “relationships”.

And can we just talk about how much freaking money these “success story couples” are making every time they fucking re-appear in a commercial, or are in magazine and online ads?! Let me just say they’re wealthier than most people you’ll ever meet! You think they’d get sick of each other after spending hours together driving to shoots, posing for the camera, waiting in between takes, and dancing around in their socks in their pretend living room…but nooo…it only makes their bond stronger- because they’re just THAT perfect for each other. I liked this ad about the artsy couple the best- nothing like finishing one another’s sentences, creating art together, and dancing until 5am to no music splattered in clay and dust, a la Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in Ghost.

So takeaways- unless you:

a) Enjoy answering 450 questions
b) Are ready to spend hours on the phone with a complete stranger
c) Want to nosedive into a relationship
d) Are irrational

…you should probably be content if you’re only a freshman in the online dating world…or even better, have never tried it! Only sign up if you’re convinced you can become a poster couple and roll in the dough.

Oh, man.  Anyone who grew up in the 80’s/90’s totally knows how I feel when I think about Patrick Swayze.  This is pre-internet, pre-Twitter, pre-college and having to worry about money and responsibilities stuff.

It was during a time when I thought big, my whole life was ahead of me and that kind of thing.  And Patrick Swayze was sniffing my neck and needed help because he was tortured and poor.  I’d have saved him.  R.I.P. Patrick Swayze.  You have no idea how many people are lamenting you and your cat-like moves, and your bungalow in the Catskills.