An Illinois man has admitted banking more than $470,000 in paychecks from a New Jersey company he never worked for.

Thirty-five-year-old Anthony Armatys of Palatine, Ill., pleaded guilty in New Jersey Superior Court to one count of theft as part of a plea bargain.

Prosecutors say Armatys accepted a job with Basking Ridge, N.J.-based telecommunications company Avaya Inc. in September 2002, then changed his mind. But the company’s computer system never removed his name from the payroll.

Paychecks were deposited into his bank account until February 2007, when Avaya auditors discovered the mistake.

Prosecutors are recommending a six-year prison term and restitution. Sentencing is scheduled for Jan. 8.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years
old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio .

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons
life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is
the column below once more:

1.  Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5.Pay off your credit cards every month.

6.You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13.Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14.If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16.Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18.Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20.When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21.Over prepare, then go with the flow.

21.Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

22. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

23.Frame every so-called disaster with these words ”In five years, will this matter?”.

24. Always choose life.

25.Forgive everyone everything.

26.What other people think of you is none of your business.

27.Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

28. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..

29. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

30. Believe in miracles.

31. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

32. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

33. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

34. Your children get only one childhood.

35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere-

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

38. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

39. The best is yet to come.

40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

41. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

42. Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

Return to the character for whom you have created a desire and contrasting traits.  time to bring this person to life.  Write a passage where this character is pursuing his or her desire in some way.

It’s Friday, 8pm.  Dad’s funeral was exactly two weeks ago, almost to the minute.  Mom is expecting the girls and me Sunday afternoon.  In Vancouver.

I pick up my paycheck at the front desk as I slouch out the door.

I have no money in savings, but with my Christmas bonus we should at least be able to get to Vancouver.  It would mean the girls had nothing under the tree to look forward to Christmas morning, but it wouldn’t be the first time.

A bell rings as I push open the door to the liquor store.

“You don’t need to drink tonight,” I say to myself “just getting my paycheck cashed because no one else is open this late, and maybe a pack of cigarettes.”  At the counter I restate my purpose. “I just need to cash this and I need a pack of Parliament Lights.”

As the cashier fulfills my request I eye the rows of flask sized spirits behind the counter.  It really wouldn’t be so bad just to have a little drink tonight to calm my nerves about the trip, right?  I may get a small thing of whiskey if they aren’t to expensive.  I’ve never bought one of those little bottles anyway.

“Anything else?”

“Yeah, how much are those small bottles of Elijah Craig?”

“5.97″

“Kinda high for a little bottle init?”

“I don’t know why they wanna charge so much for these little things.  You might as well get a handle.  They’re only about twelve bucks.”

Makes sense to me, and I’d have some on hand.  I still don’t have to drink too much tonight.  Just buying more doesn’t mean I need to drink more.

“Yeah, alright.  Hang on a second I’ll go grab one.”

Don’t worry if it comes out a little clumsy.  Dimension doesn’t always happen overnight. -good call GWWWF

I started working, and paying taxes, when I was 16. That was in 1982. Don’t do the math… suffice it to say it was a long time ago. All these years, I have had some of what I make deducted from my paycheck, whether I like it or not. My money is spent on whatever the government decides to spend it on, whether I like it or not. But it is my right as an American to SAY I don’t like it. And though I have never asked my government for a dime, I do not point my finger and judge those who do.

When I was a little girl I dreamed that one day I would be a mother… what never entered my mind was that life is not fair, and that children get sick. Out of all the talk-show worthy incidents I have lived through, having a doctor say a few sentences and change my life forever was the absolute worst.

I have ONE reason for wanting health care reform… it isn’t for myself, but it is a selfish reason all the same. My son has a chronic illness and I just want him to have more options than he does. His first option is being on disability, which is essentially living off American tax dollars and which also limits his income. Of course, he would get Medicaid, which seems to run fairly well, and is better than NOTHING, despite the fact that it is A GOVERNMENT RUN PROGRAM. The second option is finding an employer that will insure him and accomodate his disability, which is an unrealistic expectation for an employer.

My son is certainly smart enough to work for himself, when he is able, but in our current health care state, where the “pre-existing condition” loophole exists, he CANNOT get decent coverage as a private citizen. I just want that to change. There will be a day I cannot insure him through employment and that makes me feel helpless. I never claim to know enough about economics or government to suggest HOW we stop the insurance companies from holding us all hostage to premiums and deductables. How to help people like my husband who keep jobs for the insurance, even though they are underpaid and taken advantage of…  something that has become such a common occurance that there is a term for it: Job Lock.

But I do know nothing happens without some serious discussion — by people who do know what they are talking about. But I am afraid that so many people are putting their own interest before the interest of the country as a whole, that the politicians will compromise the whole idea of health care refrom into something that benefits very few.

Whatever your opinion on health care, you have a right to it. But I hear a lot of people accusing fellow taxpayers like myself for wanting some kind of “free ride” and that is not fair.

I would prefer that no one ever have to worry about their child’s health care and their future, and if that means using MY tax money, fine. I will pay for your kids. I already pay for programs I DON’T agree with. Does that make me wrong? We all have reasons, not all of them financial, for our opinions on health care. And that is why intelligent discussion is needed.

Yelling in a town hall and getting personal is shallow and quite immature. It will only leave us in the same pathetic situation where we began. Not everything is black and white. If we want to solve anything, maybe we all should stop talking so much and start listening.

Not completely relevant but I’ve already used “She Works Hard for the Money”.  Enjoy Vanessa Williams’ “Work to Do”

For nearly 3 1/2 years, I’ve had two jobs.  When I moved to Austin to accept an entry level position in the communications field, I was making less than 30K.  It was a respectable income but not feasible to cover my monthly bills, student loan, credit card debt and new car note.  So two months into the new gig, I went in search of part-time additional income.  In hindsight, making that decision shouldn’ve been difficult but I thought it was only going to be for a year or so.  I was young, had no family, dog or other responsibilities.  I could handle it.

At a friend’s suggestion, I applied for a position with a high-end brand I’d never heard of.  Forgive me, oh fashionable ones, but I’d never heard of Theory.  I never lived in a city that had an independent store and Neiman and Saks were not (and still aren’t) stores I frequent.  I admittedly have a shopping problem.  But (before Theory) I shopped for style, comfort and price, not so much any of that WITH brand name.  Paying $60 for a pair of jeans that fit perfectly was unheard of, let alone $250 for a pair of dress pants.

Despite the high price-point and occassional entitled customer (refer to the Retail Etiquette post), I’ve loved my time at Theory.  I met some wonderful women (and a couple men), found a life outside of my 9-5, made an exta few hundred dollars every month and now my closet (sadly) is now probably 45% Theory.  I have a new appreciation for paying a little (or a lot, if not on sale) more for quality.  Although, I also recognize that not all things expensive are high quality.  Sometimes you just need a Hanes white tee.

Now what am I going to do?  For more than 3 years, I have not had weekends.  I mean they came around every week but I was still working.  Mon-Fri I was at a desk, writing press releases, calling media, monitoring news.  Sat-Sun, I trolled cement floors in a sparse retail store folding, straightening, helping half-naked customers in the fitting rooms and trying on clothes when we were slow.  While I rarely enjoyed a day off, the work was easy and the people were cool.

For the first 6 months, I didn’t do anything.  I was always afraid I’d be tired.  I DID have to work the next day afterall.  I worked every day.  After a while, though, I just gave up.  If I wanted to go out, I just went.  It’s not like I was going to have a day off.  So why not just claim the night and pay the price in the morning?  Plus, I wasn’t alone.  Weekends are weekends.  Since it was retail, the ladies I worked with might have had days off but they weren’t always the weekend.  I can’t even tell you how many times one or more of us came in hungover and/or exhausted.  It just became a running joke.  As long as you were able to do your job, what’s the harm?

Working 7 days a week is not for everyone.  And to be perfectly honest, I can’t say that it was for me.  While in high school, I remember working with a lady who had two jobs.  I thought she was crazy.  I mean I understood the need and/or desire for more money but two jobs just seemed so extreme.  She’d work nights and weekends.  Plus, she was a adult, probably had bills, had a son.  I was 17 and really didn’t understand.  However, after 3 1/2 years, I now get it.  You can do just about anything.  You just have to force yourself to start and treat it as a given in your life.  People always asked me why/how I could do it.  There was never a good answer.  I just did.  You just do.  (Plus, I got used to the additional income.  Over 3 years, my income increased by nearly 40%.  But those extra couple hundred every month were difficult to give up.  I told myself I could pay down my debt faster when in fact, I just maintained my debt and grew my closet. Tsk tsk.)

Since August 2006, 7 days a week was my schedule.  Now, after approaching burnout and finally putting in my notice, I’m officially done.  I clocked out on Sudnay for the last time.  While I’m pretty strong and difficult, it was a little sad.  I think the pure exhaustin of the last few months has really caught up with me.  I hugged the ladies goodbye and enojyed my going away cookie cake but I don’t think it’s completely hit me.  I imagine by February, my emotions will catch up and I’ll really be sad.  Until then, I’ll just have to figure out how to prevent my dog from waking me up on Saturday mornings so I can sleep in past 9 am.

Losing the excuse not to have a life outside of work.  Already missing the paychecks but expecting to spend less money,

Jo’van

U.S. Congressmen who serve for at least five years get a very generous defined benefit pension plan in retirement — the kind that doesn’t exist anymore in the private sector because it’s impossible to fund. It’s far more generous than that of even the longest-serving federal employees.

Appropriations Chairman David Obey, for example, could quit his job this January and take home $139,200 in 2010. In a decade or so, with cost-of-living adjustments, he could be making more than his current salary of $174,000. And he isn’t the only one.

Former Rep. William Jefferson of Louisiana, a Democrat, will continue his service in a different federal institution — prison. He was sentenced recently to serve 13 years for bribery. But he is still eligible for a guaranteed $50,000 pension in his first year of retirement, which will increase each year thereafter with the cost of living.

Even if we don’t begrudge them their oversized paycheck, do our congressmen — even the bad ones — deserve a retirement that is more than twice as nice as most ordinary working people enjoy?

Full article

The term “savings” is such a high-level, all-compassing one. It can instill fear and loathing in many, while bringing a smile to others’ faces. For too long, I believe many have taken the notion of savings and just thought of it as this existential thing you threw money into and watched grow without taking any action on it.

Now, if you have been setting aside money for “savings”, you’re on the right track. I believe that it is important to set aside money from each paycheck to pay yourself, if you will. Where this can get you in trouble, or just be plain monotonous, is when you’re setting aside money without having any real, actionable plan for what it is for and how you’ll use it. No, simply saying it’s “for a rainy day” does not count.

In a past installment of Daily Dimes, I wrote about one writer that urged readers to look at savings like drawers in a dresser. I believe this is the right start. It forces you to break down “savings” into smaller, more digestible chunks — or goals. While your dressers could take on entirely different meanings, by attaching a picture to it, you can begin to visualize just how setting aside this money will help you in the long and short term.

I was one of those people that used to blindly set aside money for savings, and felt it was pointless since it just grew and grew and I felt bad every time I considered drawing from it. Let me show you how to make your savings more actionable and tangible.

First, get rid of the idea that savings are only for emergencies. Yes, an emergency fund — a stash of at least three to six months of cash that can carry you in case of an unforeseen expense or job loss — is necessary. In fact, I believe this is the first savings block you should save for. Let’s say you have already saved up that cash, and now want to save for “other things”.

First, take a sheet of paper and write down your finance-related goals. Ask yourself what you’d like to achieve in both the short term and long term. For example, these are mine:

• eliminate debt;
• build up retirement;
• purchase a home;
• become financially independent; and
• take a great vacation.

Then, reorder this list in order of immediacy:

• take a great vacation;
• eliminate debt;
• build up retirement;
• purchase a home; and
• become financially independent.

Now take a look at this list again. Can you make any of these more actionable, more tangible? For me, it’s only a few:

• pocket money for family cruise next summer;
• extra money on top of monthly payments to expedite paying off my federal student loans;
• contribute to my Roth IRA (I already have part of my paycheck automatically debited to contribute to an employer-sponsored 401(k));
• buy a home; and
• become financially independent.

If some of these goals are so far off in the future that you can’t really make them more tangible yet, don’t eliminate these goals. Rather, focus on what you can impact now, items that are coming up soon. Go into your budget book and turn to a fresh page. Title it “savings goals”. At the top of each column, I’d enter following headings (depending on your particular savings goals, the names may be different):

• emergency fund;
• summer vacation;
• extra loan $;
• Roth IRA; and
• future (for me that encompasses home buying, independence, etc.)

Take your savings and actively allocate money each paycheck toward those goals. It is also helpful if you know exactly how much money you want to set aside. For example, $600 for vacation, $1,000 for loan, etc. Let’s say every two weeks you have $300 to put toward savings. You’ve already reached what you need for an emergency fund, so don’t worry about that. Put in more money toward the shorter-term goals — say $80 for summer vacation, $80 for extra loan money, and $80 for Roth IRA. Then you have $60 left to stash away in “future”. Play with the allocations how you see fit, but I suggest putting more money aside for short-term items, that way you can achieve those goals faster.

Now you can actively see just how your savings discipline is paying off. At the end of each month, you’ll find you have gained more ground on your goals!

Once you’ve reached a particular goal — you’re leaning over the edge of the Carnival cruise ship leaving port in New York as we speak — you can then take that $80 and apply it to other goals. Say the holiday season is coming around in a few months — figure out how many people you need to buy gifts for, how much money you’ll spend on each person, and make a new column for that goal until you reach it.

This way, you’re still being responsible but can see the fruits of your labor more tangibly. Instead of lumping all of your savings without separating it and then fretting when you take out a few hundred dollars for vacation, you’ll see that you’re not sacrificing from an emergency fund or retirement … you’re only taking out the money that you’ve worked hard to save for vacation.

Now, will this have the same affect on the total balance of your savings account? Sure. This is purely psychological, but necessary. For starters, by breaking this down into smaller pieces, you can more accurately monitor how well (or not well) you’re working toward these goals and adjust accordingly. Additionally, every time you achieve a small savings goal, it adds fuel to your fire of continuing to regularly save money out of each paycheck. This will only work to our benefit as we get older and find we need to save more money for loftier goals, like a down payment on a home.

Time and money are two of your most valuable resources.

For most people they are directly linked – people trade time for money as an employee. The more hours you work the more money you earn, and as your skills and value increases so the hourly rate increases, in theory at least. 

But in many cases you have to work the hours your company sets, even if they are anti-social or if they mean you miss out on family time. And if you add commute time as well your hourly rate reduces and your costs increase.

Your ability to increase your hourly rate may also be limited. If someone else is prepared to do the same job for less than you then your chances of a raise are very low.

Job security has also reduced, as global competition and the recession have a massive impact, and as technology replaces labour in the 24/7 economy.

If you want to increase your productive time and your hourly rate, then click here and enter your contact details and we’ll show you a way that you can regain control.

Mark

Today I put the new bunny in the bathroom while I showered and got ready for my day. She likes the bathroom, it’s quiet. I picked her up and she cuddled her head under my chin and did her teeth grinding noise. It’s a thing that bunnies do when they’re happy and content. She seemed to relax in my arms. I sat on the toilet and put her in my bare legs. She liked that too. Even Nala came to the door and meowed to come inside to see what was going on. So all 3 of us sat in the quiet bathroom together. I’m calling the new bunny Pinkie, for her pink eyes. She’s very cuddly now when we’re in the bathroom.

I went out to work and picked up my paycheck. I chatted with Dan for a while after I got it. They were having a very small GSA sale. That’s Government Sale Auction. And I left, drove to the credit union and deposited the check. I called the guy with the rabbit cage and got directions there. So he had 3 cages. The largest one I wanted, but it had no tray underneath. I chose the medium sized cage instead. And I drove home with it.

When I arrived home I went right into the bathroom where I’d left Pinkie. She immediately came and wanted to cuddle again. This time she seemed really happy, grinding her teeth louder and cuddling in my arms. I took her and put her into her cage, after cleaning it and putting lots of sawdust and newspapers all ripped up into it. She didn’t like being in her cage, trying to break out of it the way that Priti used to do. So I took her and her cage and put them in the bathroom. She seemed really happy about that, and jumped right into her cage and sat in it. She was still in it a little later when I went in and checked on her.

So I decided to see if the quietness of the bathroom had the same effect on Priti. I caught her and went in there with her, sat down in the toilet and she got super cuddly too. She also began grinding her teeth and had her head under my chin while I sat on the toilet seat. I stayed in there with her. She really liked it in there. I had no idea that they’d both enjoy the bathroom that way. Nala used to really like being in the bathroom too, when she was a kitten. And still does.

I made it to the grocery store today, all tired and hungry feeling after not getting to bed until really late last night. I found some stain remover called “Pee Pee”, for animals and their stains. And it works great. I used it on several stains on my living room carpeting. The stains are gone now!

Then it was bathroom time again. I’d left little Priti in there while I shopped. She was kind of upset when I went in there to get her. So she jumped right up in my arms and practically purred. She didn’t want me to put her down when I did. But I had to put her back into her cage and put it back in the living room after cleaning the carpet under where her cage had been. And instead of getting angry and trying to break out of her cage as she usually does, she ate her apples and lettuce and then laid down. Oh and I gave her the antibiotics too.

I’m feeling really tired and headachey tonight. So I’m going to watch t.v. now, there are a lot of programs on PBS on Indians in American. It’s interesting to me.

I woke up Sunday morning earlier than my usual 11 am – on purpose.  My weekend hours are limited these days and I’d prefer to feel that at least some of my Sunday is my own.  I managed French-pressed coffee on the patio, a brisk walk around the neighborhood, breakfast and a 30-minute workout (my thighs are on fire today).  Then, I began my slow march to the restaurant.

My head, my stomach and every limb on my body would prefer to stay home and relax the day away.  I don’t need the money nor am I being forced to work.  I don my chef’s whites, sharpen my knives and sweat through my Sunday because I need experience.  It’s a multi-part process – and Culinary School was merely the first step.  I need to tough it out and learn how this cooking thing works in the real world. 

My sous chef teacher is a mere 21 years old – and not much of a teacher.  I think working in a kitchen requires an ego – and each chef and cook has a large one.  It’s amazing cooks and egos can all fit behind the hot line.  They’re condescending with confident male machismo – I wilt a bit around them.  Their egos give mine a good beating.  The servers, in contrast, are gum-chomping, fluffheaded bitches.  They’ve convinced themselves they could work the kitchen – they just prefer not to as they might break an acrylic nail.  This was an exchange I had last night:

Server 1:  A customer said the short rib shepherds pie was dry. They didn’t eat it.

Me:  I thought it was a bit dry too. (note: I obviously didn’t make the dish)

Fluffhead Server:   (chomping gum) It was made with short ribs…

Me:  Yes, I know, but usually shepherds pie has gravy with it.

Fluffhead:  (with teenage condescension in her eyes) But it was made with short ribs…

Me:  You can add sauce to the short ribs so it’s more like a real shepherd’s pie.

Fluff: But this was short ribs…

I’m not sure if she was trying to say that short ribs are inherently dry or, because this wasn’t a true shepherd’s pie, it didn’t need to be as moist.  Perhaps during line-up, Big D told her the shepherd’s pie was made with short ribs and this was all she could keep in her fluffhead…

Customer: How’s the shepherd’s pie?

Fluff:  It’s made with short ribs.

Customer: Do you recommend it?

Fluff:  It’s made with short ribs.

Customer:  How large is the portion?

Fluff: It’s made with short ribs.

Customer:   Can I have an order of the shepherd’s pie but without the peas?

Fluff:  It’s made with short ribs.

At the end of the night, Big D gave me my paycheck – $175 for three grueling nights of work.  I just keep telling myself – I need the experience.

This month, I decided to embark on The Simple Dollar’s 31 Days to Fix Your Finances, because it is an interesting exercise. I cannot use it to my full advantage because I do not work outside of the house, so I rarely get paychecks – or any checks higher than $10 or so. The first week is useful, however, and has some interesting exercises, including the one that inspired this post: five main values.

Our first step is to define exactly what our values are. We are not defining goals here! Goals are specific actions, like “retiring at age fifty five” or “paying for my son’s graduate school.” What we are looking for are values. Friends. Love. Freedom. Truth. What are the fundamental items that make you tick?

The truth is that at first I didn’t know. I started with a list that sounded kind of true, but just rang with trite and stereotypical jargon I didn’t full understand. I needed to take this seriously, so I sat down on the floor and crossed my legs, assuming the meditation pose.

I started thinking. What was my first value? Justice. Fairness. Accuracy.

I strive to be fair, to ensure that whatever is “right” happens always. I want every situation to be assessed perfectly and to have accurate decisions made. I don’t care about mercy too much, but justice is very important. I wrote it down.

My second value came to me immediately: compassion. I don’t care about mercy, but I also fail to believe somebody cold and unsympathetic can make a fair and just decision over a human life. Every murderer should get what is coming times three, but who is to decide what is coming? Another murderer?

My third was harder to find. I had read about astrology for the billionth time that day, though, so it was on my mind as a Leo: loyalty. Kinship. Solidarity. People should never use their friends and then leave. Rather, a bond must be maintained forever, or there was little point to forming it in the first place. People must be respected and treated as you would treat yourself. This ties into fairness and compassion.

Fourth was balance, which occurred to me as I realized I was meditating. I did not add it to the list immediately, because I had to first answer the following question: I strive for balance. I want balance. I know I need balance. I am taking steps toward balance. But I don’t have balance. Should I include it? I decided to include it solely for the fact that it is inspiring me to be a better person.

Finally was growth, which has always and will always be important to me. Knowledge and training, honing skills and becoming closer to self-actualization: these things are what drive 90% of what I do on a daily basis. I want to grow every day and make it a point to ensure personal development is accomplished by every action. It should have been first on the list, but it seems the most obvious things are also the most difficult to see.

I hope this was not too rambling or boring to read. It meant a lot to me, though, and I needed to get it “on paper.” Dear readers, what are your five main values?

This bird image has been floating around in my mind as I think of all of those in need of empathy this week. I think so highly of you. I hereby declare a bright red package of empathy for any and all:

• that are anxiously awaiting test results
• that are dreaming bigger and feel “yearny” because of it
• that are stretching a paycheck to the limit
• that want their children to like each other
• that are looking for change and feel scared by what form that might take
• that are spoiling for a fight
• that have heard: “I hate you!”, lately
• that smell a strange scent in their home and can not locate it
• that want to make their parents proud and feel like they’re failing
• that are fearful of being themselves
• that feel bored
• that don’t trust their spouse
• that were shamed as children
• that are home with a sick six year old and an active toddler

Empathy feels good, even – or especially – when you are doing well and feeling good. Those feelings deserve an audience too.  So here’s to any and all:

• that are looking at a promising job prospect
• that finally got clarity about a situation that had been bothering them for a long time
• that feel well supported by their community
• that are finding themselves in the present, for any length of time
• that have found a new perspective that makes everything easier
• that were able to make something satisfying recently

Hello lovely weekend.

p.s. Please let me know if you’d like anything added to the empathy delivery. Think of a friend, family member, or perfect stranger that needs empathy and give it to them in this space.