Photographed by jessie.whittle

The waves were crashing on the pier. They were actually letting people go out on the pier, but I didn’t have enough money with me.

– License

College was an amazing experience. I can’t believe how much I learned. It was a great experience. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I had three roommates. I was only supposed to have two but the residence manager asked one to move to a different room to become a prayer leader. We quickly got a new roommate.

The music program was intense! Of course I had never been in a college music program but it was a great experience. I also ended up changing my major from Church Music Performance to Music Education. A big change but one that I figured would happen. I could handle the performance major if I really wanted to but I’ve seen how intense it is. It’s not that’s that much harder than the education major it’s the whole idea of being able to perform. I’m just not one to be on stage all the time like that. Also education is a more practical major.

The food was ok. At first it was bad but you just have to get used to it first. It also got better as the semester went on. This just wasn’t my perception wasn’t just mine it was everyone’s even my junior roommate’s.

I made so many great friends there. I can’t believe it. Met people from all over the place, with all kinds of personalities, and from all walks of life. It was great. I can’t believe how much I miss them all and can’t wait to see them again. I think next semester will be even better than this last semester.

The date is 12/17/2009 and the time is around 2:00 AM. Brian and I are waiting for Alicia and Erika to get to Denny’s and join us for some late night food. Alicia arrives, followed by Erika and we begin to order and chat about the random things going on. Some friends of Alicia’s happened to enter the Denny’s and they said hi to each other. Everything seemed to be as usual and all. It was quiet, not a lot of people around in the restaurant at all.

Some weird, older guy sat behind us our booth, about 2 booths back, and kept staring at Erika. Erika got sick of it and Brian told her to switch seats with him, this way Brian and I would be the ones facing the guy. Those friends of Alicia’s were playing around with a paper airplane they made and accidentally threw it in the direction of a girl who was walking into the restaurant. The girl acted mad, but was only joking and wasn’t at all upset. The weird guy, though, made a comment that lead to an eventful night.

“I think he’s gay,” is what the weird guy says. “I think that’s his problem, I think he’s gay.” At this point, we’re all looking at each other thinking, “Oh God, he’s talking.” We already knew there was something off with him when he ordered his food and was blatantly staring at Erika but we were hoping he’d just keep to himself. He repeated himself once more, I guess he wasn’t happy with not getting a response. At this point, everyone at my booth said things like, “Thanks for your input,” “Are you done now?” “Can you please be quiet?” He wouldn’t stop though and eventually turned his comments into hate-filled slurs. “I think he’s a faggot! He’s a faggot!” Brian went off first, “Sir, shut up right now,” or something along those lines. This is when the guy turned his comments towards us, calling me and Brian faggots. Brian got up out of his seat and I followed.

“Take one more step!” says the weird guy, followed by him quickly getting out of his seat and putting up his fists in preparation for a fight. Seeing me and Brian standing right next to each other and very pissed at him must have made him think we were going to attack. Brian kept telling him to shut up while the guy rambled on about how he could “talk to my fork all I want.” I followed up with, “Look, I am asking you to shut the fuck up! Right now!” and got a little closer to him. He looked like he was about to try to punch me but I think he reconsidered the action and decided on a new tactic, tattle telling and lying.

The weird guy turns and shouts, “I’m being attacked! I’m being attacked! Someone get a manager! I’m being attacked!” He walks towards the kitchen area and is turned away by employees. I followed him to make sure we could get a word in if he found a manager, but when he was turned away he walked back towards the door, passing right in front of me. He whispered, “I’ll slap you right in the face.” This set me off, “Do it motherfucker, fucking do it! Right here, hit me!” He didn’t take the offer and kept walking towards the door, I didn’t follow. As he walked through the door he turned and motioned me to come outside and I told him, “No, I came here to eat, not whoop on some old man.” He walked out and left.

I was heated. An attack on someone’s way of life, whether that guy was gay or not, is uncalled for in any situation. That kind of opinion should stay to yourself and those kinds of people who say stuff like that are the kind of people that are likely to cause hate crimes. I will never sit down for actions like that. There is no room for hate in this world. I was shaking with adrenaline when he left. I could have hurt him a lot if he hit me.

We kept an eye on the door and the windows the whole time. We knew that he was probably still out there. Some girls went outside to have a cigarette but didn’t seem to see anything. We kept our guard up as the food came.

About 5 minutes after the smoker girls came back in, we saw the guy by our cars. I saw him on Erika’s car doing something, I thought he was just drunk and stumbling on top of it. Brian ran out and the guy took off. I was not far behind Brian and we looked at the cars. Naturally, we looked at the tires first but couldn’t see any cuts. Brian noticed something eventually and ran in for his jacket and paid for his meal. I kept an eye on the guy as he went to his truck across the street. I got a good look at the truck but not the plates, it was way too far for that. I wish I had followed him some more and got his license plate number because we found out just a second after he got in his car that he had keyed all four of our cars.

Manager called the cops when we ran out at the sight of the guy, cops got the story from us and made a case out of it. I doubt anything will come of it but it was worth a shot.

Sydney has two key marks, one long line on the hood and one even longer line on the driver side. I’m not that pissed though. I’m sure this guy lives a crappy life and he was just out looking to get company for his misery that early morning. He wont get any company from me.

Took some time out tonight with Sheldon and Dan, two good friends and great photographers. Our focus this evening was on Christmas lights. I only took a few still photos, concentrating mostly on video work with my 5D MkII. I recently bought a Rode Video Mic to help my audio, which until now has been lackluster, and I wanted to spend some time getting familiar with it, and getting used to it being on top of the camera.  You can expect the video sometime before Christmas.  Gosh, that’s in about two days…

Anyway, here are the stills! If you want to see Sheldon’s or Dan’s photos, their Flickr photostreams are linked above.

I’m feeling sleepy so I will be telegraphically brief with my words. I am back in Pensacola. My semester went well. I have been doing a lot of thinking. I’m reading Hopscotch by Julio Cortazas. It’s beautiful. When I come back for IAP, I will be taking intensive Portuguese I, Ben’s computer security class, and will start working in the Imperiali Group.  Today, I went to Fort Pickens with Hillary. Here are some pictures:

When you go onto Pensacola Beach, you turn right (because there’s really only one road on the beach) and keep driving until you can’t go any further. The road will probably be covered in sand in a lot of places, and you’ll face an overweight police officer at a construction site who will smile and wave at you as you’re passing by. He’s just friendly.

The fort’s really old and full of arches and crumbly bricks and white caked formations all over the walls.

The interior was dark and damp in a lot of places. It rained a lot recently, so everything was sort of dripping. We couldn’t get to certain rooms because they were filled up to ankle-level with water.

Hillary asked me or herself some kind of question and in the end she didn’t know the answer.

We left the main fort and began to wander around on the outskirts.

The ground was studded with these cacti with long thorns (what is the word for this? extrusions? limbs? fingers?). I was bitten, but through mostly fault of my own; I took it upon myself to dash over a cluttered area of vines and tangled brown things which was bound to end poorly.

We walked down to the beach. We spent our time trying to explain the various things that we saw that were a little strange: gradients of colors in the water, strange ripples on the sand that occurred far above the tide lines, etc.

It was really a gorgeous day.

We left. Later on that night I went to Kirby’s house where we played ping-pong as we usually do. I go there every night when I’m in Pensacola and so we play quite a bit. I never followed through on my shots, though, and so tonight when I did that, I suddenly became a much better player. We had a really good match. It’s nice when things come together like that.

]]> http://topestotoposandteetotum.wordpress.com/2009/12/21/azalea-trace/ Mon, 21 Dec 2009 18:45:38 +0000 topestotoposandteetotum http://topestotoposandteetotum.wordpress.com/2009/12/21/azalea-trace/

Incidentally, many memories came back to me when I was writing the list of cities I have visited. One in particular was a trip to beautiful sunny, Pensacola, Florida.

I have nothing against Pensacola (although I have been known to say a few things against the state of Florida).  Nevertheless, I did not actually have the opportunity to explore much of “P-cola” (as some people may refer to it) for reasons you are about to find out.

I was 24.  My sweet boyfriend of a few years was going through a bit of a rough patch.  I had decided to finish my degree in a nearby little Florida town called, Gainesville, while he stayed behind in Orlando due to the fact he had purchased a lovely little home on about an acre of land, which included the bonus prize: 20 Emus (that is true, but another story altogether).

While he was looking for work in his field of study he took a job waiting tables at a hideous chain restaurant in downtown Orlando.  Poor guy.  I, however, had little sympathy as I was engrossed in my own courses to graduate the following year.  He would visit every weekend to stay with me and was truly the kind of boyfriend every woman wishes she had.  He was devoted, he was sweet, handsome and complimentary without being disingenuous; a serious gem.

We had been together nearly three years at that point and aside from two trips to visit his parents in New Hampshire and Key West, we had never actually gone on a proper vacation together.  He was always strapped for cash, understandably.

Over the phone one night, he tells me he has a surprise for me!   The following long-weekend we are going to take a vacation and he is not going to tell me where we are going.  A real surprise!

I love surprises.  Rarely have any of them exceeded (or met) my expectations, but who cares – surprises are amusing.  And I reacted to his idea with endearment.

He told me we were not going anywhere particularly warm and I would not need a passport, but that I would need my identification card, a light jacket and maybe one nice dress.  So far, so good, right?

He picked me up and I was all smiles.  My little suitcase fit nicely into the back of his car next to his and away we went.  Were we going to the airport?  No.  Were we going out-of-state?  No answer.

I decided to stop asking questions and just let the suspense of the surprise take me away.  About two hours later and it looked like we were headed towards Alabama or Louisiana.  I know, I know … we are going to New Orleans.  Not THAT clever since half of my relatives live there, but still very fun!

No, we were not going to New Orleans.

A few minutes after I had secretly concluded we were on a mission to N’awlins, he pulled into a little motel on the side of the road.

This hotel was scary.  It was called some generic name like “Florida Motel” where truck drivers might bring strippers by the hour.  He said “we’re here.”

What?

I wouldn’t get out of the car.  You don’t know me but can you imagine?  Maybe I sound a bit like a brat, but after driving just two hours to our surprise destination and reaching a highway run-down hotel, I was less than thrilled.  In my opinion we could have stayed happily at my place and then drove to this weird place on the side of the road during the day if he was so hell-bent to come to this particular place.

Oh but there was more to the surprise.  A lot more.

Apparently the surprise was that we were going on a little vacation to visit his uncle Beau who happened to live in a Pensacola retirement home!  Wow.  What a thrill!  I was furious.  I still refused to get out of the car and said I would not stay there.  He even went to have a look at one of the rooms and agreed that it was not exactly what he had in mind either.  So much for booking in advance.

He decided since we were in the area already and he had promised Uncle Beau we would have dinner with him the following night, the least we could do was stop by.   Would I mind?  Silence.

Had I heard differently?  Was this a joke?  It was not a joke.

He knew I would never have agreed to go on a jolly ol’ trip to Pensacola’s greatest retirement home unless he made it some sneaky surprise.  That was it.  I had made up my mind we were breaking up as soon as we were back in Gainesville.

Heave, ho! Onwards to Azalea Trace we go!:  http://www.actsretirement.com/com-FL-at.asp

I still was not speaking to my boyfriend by the time we pulled into Uncle Beau’s drive way.  He was in the more “expensive” section with his own home – it really was quite nice.  I got out of the car ready for an uncomfortable day giggling and smiling as my boyfriend and his uncle proceeded to discuss family matters.

But I was wrong.  Uncle Beau, at 88 years old, was as fascinating as ever.  He had fought in WWII and was talking about how he met his wife in the Himalaya mountains and they married and lived on a secluded island for over twenty years.  He brought out photos to show us.  He loved music.  I love music!  He introduced me to Perry Como and even gave me a few CD’s that I cherished then and still now.

A few hours passed and it was clear he was tired from the excitement of guests and ready for us to go when he asked about dinner the following day.  Eric explained our hotel was a disappointment and we would have to leave.

Uncle Beau looked disappointed and I felt a bit sorry for him.  But as we were saying our goodbyes, his face lit up!

An hour later, my boyfriend and I were headed into the main building with our suitcases and handed our I.D.’s to the lady at the front desk (good thing I was told to bring mine!).

Uncle Beau assured us that we would have a top-notch accommodation.  And sure enough, we were staying in one of the trial rooms that possible future residents might stay to “test out the location, accommodations and area.”

The room looked decorated by a blind person and was, of course, decked out in all things handicapped.   The bed had a remote control and I could not help but start to laugh.  It was funny.  We were in our early twenties and spending the night in a retirement community.  (Funny, yet perhaps too soon a reminder of what the distant future might look like for us)!

The following day I decided to walk around the grounds while my boyfriend spent some quality one-on-one time with his uncle.  This worked out perfectly as I had plenty to study for.

Uncle Beau had made reservations at the retirement communities “finer” dining restaurant.  I was advised  to be there promptly at the 5:30 pm seating and my boyfriend and Uncle Beau would meet me in the lobby.

I wore the nice dress I had been prompted to bring (why not?) and waited right outside of the “restaurant” for the two to show up.  5:30 pm came and then minutes past and it was after 6:00 pm.  One of the staff greeted me and suggested that I go ahead and sit down before they stop serving food.  She assured me that my party would join me as soon as they arrive.

What the hell, right?  Why not walk into a room of people aged 75 to 115 and just pick a table that had a few extra seats (seating was communal)? There’s nothing awkward about being 50 to 85 years younger than everyone in the whole joint.

Yes, I did do that.

I chose to sit next to a young man who I later found out was aged 93 and had been a former economics professor at Yale.  He chatted my ear off along with the rest of the table (all lovely and charming ladies).  We laughed at lot and I asked a lot of questions.  It was actually some of the most enjoyable conversations I had in a while.

I finished dinner with no sign of the rest of my “party” showing up.  Well, great!  I certainly looked like a complete freak and you should have seen the faces of my new friends when I told them I was staying there.

One of the ladies knew Uncle Beau.  She said he was rarely, if ever, late and I began to worry.

After dinner I asked the staff to call Uncle Beau’s room when no one answered.  So I waited in the lobby. A little bit later my boyfriend showed up and told me that Uncle Beau had tripped and fell on his way to dinner.  He fell face first and had banged his head on the concrete pretty badly that they thought he had a mild concussion initially.  Poor guy was probably so excited to have relatives (and a new acquaintance) to introduce to his friends.  I felt sad for him, however, he was back in his “home” and wanted to say hello and apologize for being late.

We walked back and my boyfriend had the idea that we should all go out for a beer (his theory here was that there were not many beers out left for the ol’ guy, whereas my theory was that a recent out-patient at the age of 88 should probably not be consuming alcohol).  He won.  We went to Applebees and ordered beers.  Uncle Beau drank two and was slurring his words halfway through the second one.  But he was telling us stories about the war, his long life, and joking around and smiling.  He seemed very happy.

That was the last time I saw Uncle Beau.  We brought him home and my boyfriend stayed with him all night to make sure he was o.k. while I headed back to our room in the main building.  I was tired.

We left the next day at 7 in the morning.

I was still angry at my boyfriend  for being so deceptive, but it was true that I would never have gone to spend the night in a retirement village.  We broke up the next year and I moved to New York.

Uncle Beau used to ask about me and my ex never told him we split.  He died a few years ago.  What a lovable and interesting person who I am honored to have met.

That was a pleasant surprise.

\\I think I know how to spell it. I do not know if I can still do it. I can’t remember the last time I went out sailing. Saturday was nice, but I had to work all day. Sunday was chilly and no wind. Plus the biggest problem is the lack of water in the canal. High tide is somewhere in the middle of the night. My neighbor went out with his 5 foot draft about 7 p.m. Saturday and got back in around 10:30. He had wind, and low 40 temps. Not exactly bikini weather.

It is getting time to run the engine just to make sure it still runs. I want to go sailing. Oh well. This is Christmas week and there will be plenty to do. I do not know my work schedule for the day after Christmas yet and therefore do not know where we will be. The wife is hoping to get the whole family together. One would think that would be a simple task, but it is complicated. Because we never know where our daughter and family will be each Christmas, the wife thinks this may be the only chance we get to all be together for years. I hope it all come together , it would be nice.

Merry Christmas to all.

I’m here! College was amazing! I loved it! I can’t believe how fast the semester went. It just flew by. I had an amazing semester. I learned SO MUCH in piano, I made many friends and one BEST friend, and grew as a person in so many ways. There’s way too much to write in a blog post…or in serveral blog post. I will be posting one about a friend. Anyways, just wanted you to know I’m home.

It is getting close and thing have been busy. I have another part time job in retail, which started the day before Thanksgiving, so I got to participate in Black Friday. That was good. The hours I work are just right, so thing are good. I had been slowly going nuts sitting on the boat while all it does outside is rain.

The other thing I have been doing, especially last week is studying for my General License as a Ham. Thursday night I passed. WAHOOOO! I do not think I have ever done so much memorizing and not knowing what I was doing. The electronics still are going over my head, but now I am challenged to learn about them. I am working at Radio Shack, and all those little resistors, diodes, capacitors, etc. are there waiting for me to build stuff. There are always articles in the ARRL magazine about things you can make. After Christmas, I will start. Have to get on there site and find something simple to start with.

The Granddaughter, and her parents dropped in the other night and had dinner. It was great, we got to show her all the Christmas decorations and the wrapped packages under the tree. She was good, we allowed her to touch the ornaments, and not grab them. She also left the presents alone. She does not have any decorations at her house because of their Snow Bird status. There is only so much you can stuff in a SUV for 7 months. It will be interesting to see if next year she remembers all this goings on for the holidays.

Well here we are again. Perhaps the most popular Holiday of the year. Shopping ! yeah ! Who wouldn’t love it….Oh I forgot for a minute that’s not really what it’s about. But everybody pretty much loves Christmas. In a weird sort of way it’s the one time Christians and non Christians come together !

As a child I was convinced I heard Santa on our Florida roof until I was close to 10 years old. We didn’t have a chimney, but that didn’t seem to factor in to my young innocent mind. My Mother made sure Christmas morning was special with a beautiful breakfast, even though that delayed and frustrated my sister and I. Presents seemed to be stacked to the ceiling.

It also seemed like back then we didn’t get stuff throughout the year. I can hear my Mother when I wanted some toy at the store. “Now remember to put that on your Santa list”, “Your birthday is right around the corner”, etc. I really thought someone had spaced out all of the holidays to where I wouldn’t get anything until one of them rolled around.

In Pensacola, it could easily be in the 60’s for Christmas. So white Christmases weren’t only a thought for us folks living in the South. But the snow isn’t what made it special. It was that feeling. That magic, that sense that even if for one day, everything in the world was alright, where everyone felt warm and cuddly ! I know now that just because the 25th of December rolls around, just because the birth of the Christ is here, doesn’t mean a thing. Crime still happens, pain happens, people leave and loved ones pass on.  But that little ole nugget abounds, right!, hope ! Hope is strong, and hope is unrelenting. Hell it’s hope , doing what it’s supposed to be doing. Children are born, lovers love, people make up, couples stay, and the sun does shine.

One day is better than none. It can start there, and become two days, or a week or a year. Maybe even a lifetime where we embrace hope, and we look to our brothers and sisters, our animals and our earth with love and respect.

Merry Christmas from the hills of Tennessee.

Seventeen, originally uploaded by Steve Gray.

Captured this evening after the conclusion of the Pensacola Childrens’ Chorus’s annual production of “Christmas on the Coast.” The show was fantastic, and as always it was a joy to see my sister onstage.

The theatre itself was recently renovated. Having been a Pensacola institution since the 1920s, it was long overdue for some repairs and restoration. After a lengthy stretch of work, it re-opened at the beginning of the summer, restored to its former glory.

Heckuva busy day yesterday.  At 7:30 I was putting my elbow through a stack of concrete at our yearly banquet and demo at the dojo, and at 9:45 I was at the Civic Center photographing Kelly Clarkson.  Contrary to the usual place the photographers get to stand (in the pit against the stage), Kelly’s tour rules required that we sit at the back of the auditorium with the local news cameramen and tour sound crew.  Slightly more difficult, but that’s the position that I cut my teeth on in learning to shoot events, so it wasn’t a problem, and it was actually a bit of relief to not have stand six inches from the speakers for once.

I haven’t posted anything new recently for a few reasons:

1.  It’s Christmas so I’ve got lots to do.

2.  I still have a “real” job.

3.  The only photos I’ve been taking have been for ad campaigns, photos of my own family, and photos for a friend’s non-profit promotions that can’t be published yet. 

But I’ve been busy with some behind-the-scenes projects like:

1.  Planning my winter vacation to Utah.  Yea!

2.  Planning my spring trip to Photoshop World.  Yippee!

3. Trying to find a print shop to tie into my website for easy ordering.  Sigh…keep you fingers crossed on this one. 

Until I have some fun new portraits to post, enjoy some old Pensacola images!

I try not to leave the house without my camera hoping for that perfect opportunity…BUT when I go for a walk or drive for the sole purpose of shooting through my 3rd eye, it is no time to be in a hurry. This is time for me, my camera and the next object, person, thing to be photographed.

While in the Pensacola area I have had the opportunity to meet and make new friends. Judy is one of those,  who also loves shooting with her camera.   We spent almost the whole day at one of the parks in the area and were able to capture some fantastic shots. What was awesome is that she, like myself, didn’t want to be in a hurry.

It was a very eventful day with our cameras poised and ready while we enjoyed  the beauty of nature around us.

Was pretty happy with my first 2 shots of the day.  Nothing to complain about with these.

What a lovely place to take your family for the weekend

OR  a good book

OR just you.

This fellow had been watching us for sometime and it was like he wanted to have his picture taken…it was like look at ME!!!!! Strange thing is this happened several times in one day but all different areas and birds…but hey if they want their picture taken I will oblige.

Stop…take time….

]]> http://stevengrayphotography.wordpress.com/2009/12/10/fall-colors/ Thu, 10 Dec 2009 05:26:44 +0000 Steven http://stevengrayphotography.wordpress.com/2009/12/10/fall-colors/

Fall Colors, originally uploaded by Steve Gray.

Took a much-need break from the grind this past weekend. My buddy Sheldon and I took a photowalk downtown and saw some great leaves on the trees. Most of the trees in the Pensacola area are evergreens, so you can imagine a photographer’s elation at seeing some bright splashes of color here and there.

If you’ve been there you know it has it’s unusual charms. The Florida Panhandle/Redneck Riviera has been the gem of the South, sporting beautiful beaches with some of the world’s whitest sands as well as a distinctive southern atmosphere.

Where to go:

Beaches!!! -The best beaches can be found along old highway 98 between Destin and Panama City. There is also a pristine stretch between Destin and Ft Walton Beach as well as in Navarre Beach.

Outdoors: -With massive areas protected by the areas military bases and parks, NW Florida has plenty to do outdoors, from biking trails to canoeing and sports fishing, you can do more than golf here. (Although the place is covered with world class golf resorts, it’s just not my thing) Check out the Blackwater River or the Apalachicola Rivers for some adventures. Find a rope swing or a place in the sun on a sandy river bed, you decide. Get a boat and waterski or tube in one of the areas many inlets and bayous.

Events: Eat or perhaps catch a glimpse of a fresh mullet (both the hair style and the tasty fish will be there) The Boggy Bayou Mullet Festival happens in Niceville once a year.

Shopping: In case you need a new bathing suit – Silver Sands Outlet Mall is the area favorite for threads. The place is surprisingly clean and decent.

Eat Something to Remember:

JIm N’ Nick’s BBQ in Sandestin – Just good southern eating

The Red Bar in Grayton Beach – Try the chicken with mash, cool place, atmosphere

Destin Harbor – Wherever the fish just came off a boat.

McGuire’s Irish Pub - Try the $100 burger in Destin or Pensacola

Harbor Docks – The sushi bar is great

Survival Tips:

-  The locals are friendly and with New Orleans only four hours away, they know how to party. Get a taxi if you drink

-  See a football game in Niceville to get that hometown feeling. Thousands go to these games and the beautiful stadium make you realize where this school’s priorities are.  Do not say/yell anything negative about the local football team if you decide to go to a game.

-  Need to throw money away? Go to Biloxi, MS or New Orleans, LA. They are only a few hours away and are happy to oblige.

-  Do not go swimming at the beaches at night, especially alone.  Area riptides occasionally sweep people away and although rare, there have been shark attacks here….really.