i’ve got too many days left to take off of work before the beginning of the new year

we were fully bought out by a former partner and apparently we’re moving over to their systems for 2010 which means more expensive benefits and no roll over time off.  you can be damn sure i’m taking every day i have this year (and some i’m convinced i didn’t really have but my boss told me i had X number of days off so, well, if he says it i must have that many, right?)

all i can focus on this week is PIE!  it’s sweet potato pie time folks and i look forward to it All Freakin Year!  and i’m not being a story-teller when i say that my sweet potato pie is the best in the world… myself and many others believe this to be true.  if i had more drive i’d start a business.  but i don’t, so i continue to work for The Man.

point here is this, have you ever had a booger come out through your throat??

i’m serious.  i know it’s crude but there’s no other way to say it.  the other day i was talking to M when all of the sudden i felt something in the back of my throat, and it made its way forward into my mouth where i knew it as soon as it was there.  i could taste it.  i ran to the bathroom to spit it out and sure enough it was a booger, in my mouth, from my throat.  i casually told M and he looked horrified.

he said this has NEVER EVER NOT EVEN ONCE happened to him.  so now i think i might be a freak.  am i?  i mean this isn’t the first time this has happened to me.  it probably happens a few times a year. 

has this ever happened to you?  someone please tell me this is normal, or slightly common, or at least heard of.  otherwise i’m gonna have to find a specialist who can explain this kinda thing.

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~ today i learned… there are no judges in curling ~

1.)That Girl- Ground breaking 1960’s sitcom starring Marlo Thomas about a single girl trying to make it as an actress in New York. (Available on DVD and Netflix- see Amazon.com)

2.) V (original series)- I have recently become addicted to the remake of this series, but I have been longing to see the original just to compare.  (Available on theWb.com)

3.) Perfect Strangers- Balkie and Larry are a fresh version on the odd couple in this funny ABC TGIF sitcom from the 80’s. Balkie is a warm-hearted immigrant who comes to American to live with his extremely Type A cousin Larry. (Available on DVD)

4.)Beverly Hills, 90210 (original series/first season)- It’s been almost two decades since Brenda, Kelly, Donna, Brandon, and Dylan first graced the small  screen as a group of teenagers in Beverly Hills most elite zipcode. (Available on Imdb.com)

5.) One Day At a Time- Norman Lear Sitcom about a single mother struggling to raise two teenaged daughters in the 1970’s. (Available on Hulu.com)

from January 3, 2009

every local news station does it.  i know because every sitcom/cartoon parodies it.  down here i think it’s 8 On Your Side, the local news program that encourages you to contact them with a complaint about a local business and then they go harass that business to either get you a resolution or they trash the business on tv.  i’m not sure if that’s the way the official rules are written but that’s what it all comes down to.  even the commercials for the segment are crazy, they’ll show someone from the news team knocking on the door of a business yelling “it’s 8 On Your Side – if you have nothing to hide you’ll come out and talk to us!”  it’s almost like a form of accepted mobster threatening. 

anyway, i was watching it the other day and they had a piece about a woman who wanted to get info out to the public on a funeral/cremation service.  apparently she’s had this bag of ashes that were supposed to be her family member when she received a call from the business saying “oh yah, that bag?  not yours.  we just found your bag, sorry about that.” 

i understand the woman was upset, she had been taking care of these ashes that belonged to a stranger and she thought it was her mother (or whoever).  she said she just really wanted the public to know so if anyone else used this company they can check to see if they were given the right ashes. 

it’s touchy, i get her being upset.  but i have an issue with this.  and it’s with the cremation company.  why TF would you call and tell someone you gave them the wrong ashes?!  no one would EVER know!  i guarantee you this happens more often than you think.  and maybe i’m a cold person for thinking this, but honestly does it really matter whose ashes you have?  it’s the sentiment you attach to them that matters, right?  it’s like if you find out that the woman who raised you isn’t your birth mother does it make her any less your mother?? do you suddenly feel/care less for her?

i’m not adopted, so i can’t answer that.  but i would like to think that the answer is “no”. 
i would just be pissed if they gave my loved one’s ashes to someone else and that person scattered them somewhere, say the ocean, that my loved one hated or was scared of.  that would be unfortunate.

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~ today i learned… Coca Cola contained Coca whose active ingredient is cocaine from 1885 to 1903 ~

Very similar to the tree at Rockefeller Center

Ask the Expert is a series where I interview friends and others who are experts in a particular party concept.

For this edition I interviewed Trish Tchume, co-host of the much anticipated annual event known as the Naked Tree Party. Read on for clarification, inspiration, and cultural references.

Everybody’s Invited!: Who exactly is naked at a Naked Tree Party?

Trish Tchume: Ah yes, an important question – as a courtesy to our guests, we do make it clear pretty early on in the invitation that “the tree is naked, not you.” But there is a not-so-secret part of me that hopes against hope every year that we’ll have a ‘Perfect Strangers’-type incident where someone gets confused by the name of the party and hilarity ensues.  As such, I do make a point of inviting all friends who live with recently-emigrated cousins from small Greek islands.  Then I keep my fingers crossed, and wait…

Oh, we also explain in the invitation that each guest should bring an ornament made of found or gently used items.

EI!: I think I’m offended. Why not call it a Tree Trimming party?

TT: Because a “Tree Trimming Party” is something hosted by people who “summer” or refer to the thing in their living room as a “Davenport.”

EI!: In your opinion, how do NTPs compare to USPs (Ugly Sweater Parties)?

TT: NTPs and USPs are ‘kissing cousins’ as they say (I’ve always wanted to use that phrase – thanks for the opportunity, Everybody’s Invited!) as both are built around a common principle that parties are way better when your friends are encouraged (read: forced) to explore their creative side before they will be let into your apartment.

EI!: Popcorn and cranberry chains – for or against?

TT: For…if the popcorn is found and the cranberries are gently used.

EI!: Top three homemade ornaments of all time?

TT: I am a huge fan in general of the ornaments that do NOT stand the test of time.  I have to say, there is absolutely nothing better than pulling out an ornament that was totally relevant at the party but today makes you pause and think, “Oh yeah…Rick James died in 2004.”  To me, that’s the true spirit of the holidays.

I also have a special place in my heart for the ones I like to refer to as ‘panic ornaments’ or “P.O.s.”  From what I’ve observed, P.O.s are made by hastily looking around your apartment, your desk at work or (my personal favorite) by discreetly peeking into trashbins on the walk from the subway and somehow some crazy David Copperfield magic happens (the Vegas one not the Dickens one.)

But in response to your question, the Naked Tree Party was never technically meant to be a competition. If I had to pick, though, I’d say my personal top three would be:

• Peanut Disco by my friend Tim. A tiny platform made of wood, with 4 peanuts (still in their shells) glued upright to the platform, and a very tiny plastic disco ball suspended overhead. (2004 Naked Tree, Philly)
• Aviation Influenza Prevention Cards contributed by my friend Rachael. These were a found item. Playing cards + Bird Flu health tips. Obviously. (2008 Naked Tree, NYC)
• Baby Jesus by my friend Katie. An empty birth control wheel coupled with the working Christmas Lights. Genius. (2006 Naked Tree, NYC)

the other night M and i were in the mood for a movie.  so we switched the TV to ondemand.  as much as we both still want to see Gran Torino we just never seem to be in the mood for something that serious/heavy.  so we continued to flip through the options (by the way – Verizon tv guide menus SUCK!  they’re terribly counter intuitive and just take forever to find what you are looking for… if you don’t give up first) and came upon the title of a movie we both said we wanted to see when it came out but neither of us wanted to see it enough to go out of our way to watch it.  so here we were on a Friday night (still rainy might i add) and we figured what the heck, we’ll watch it.

so we turned on WALL-E.  and the fact that the opening scene began with Hello Dolly music had me hooked.  i knew i was going to like it.  but it’s a cartoon movie so i figured i’d like it as much as Toy Story.  i was wrong.  i’m a total sucker for a love story and i LOVED this movie.  and yes, i was shedding a few tears at the end (what?  i already admitted i’m a sucker).

so i know i’m WAY behind with the whole “WALL-E is such a good movie, awww” comments but another element i also loved is the commentary on the general public and our laziness.  i mean seriously, does no one realize that floating around as big fat blobs is really where we’re headed??

i was just listening to the news tell me that the number of kids with peanut and other food allergies is doubling and tripling year over year.  we’re breeding wussies.  lazy.  disrespectful wusses.  does no one else see this?

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~ today i learned… the great wall of china is NOT visible from Outer Space… all objects begin to disappear about 300 miles up ~

i wish i knew how to upload video to my wordpress posts

my little puppy sleeps on the floor in front of me all day every day

and he snores

all day every day

i know it sounds weird but it’s the cutest sound

and it’s quite possibly my favorite part of working at home now.

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~ today i learned… 315 entries in 1996 Webster dictionary are misspelled ~

you know how when you get paid every other week there’s one month a year where you get 3 paychecks?  well October was that month for me. 

and i didn’t realize it until the other day, when i balanced my bank book.  and, well, money burns a hole in my pocket.  i’ve been pretty excited about shopping in the past few weeks.  i don’t get much free time anymore between the dog and the house so getting out makes me happy, and being happy makes me spend money (so does being sad, so i guess i just like to spend money)

anyway, last month when i was visiting CT i went into an Old Navy.  since it’s always colder up there i guess they had no use for long sleeve shirts anymore so there were a ton on clearance, and everything on clearance was an EXTRA 50% off!  lucky me.  i walked out with 8 shirts for $13!!  (some of the shirts pictured are ones i bought but in a different color)

and we need so much decorating stuff for the house to start really putting rooms together.  we need bedspreads, window treatments, etc.  but for now i’m starting with pillows.  i walked into my old standby that i’ve been avoiding for at least a year.  oh Pier 1,  how i’ve missed you!
for the family room…

and earlier i’d found a bedspread for our master, we’ve been trying to find one we agree on for months.  the issue was that i want a pop of color, M agrees with that, but i’m also kinda picky, i insist on texture!  crewel work is my absolute favorite!  and i found one in tx maxx that has a pleasant, not-feminine pattern, and it has texture!  so i grabbed it. 

and then i knew exactly what throw pillows to add for the pop of color.  so i went straight back to Pier 1 and grabbed these awesome ruffly/fluffly pillows (they’re a little feminine for M’s taste but he said he’ll deal with them)

i LOVE the texture on these too! 
of course while i was there i had to grab some christmas ornaments, i can’t help myself.  if i see feathers it’s mine!
and i can’t find an image of it but i bought another apron while i was there too.  i know, i know, how many hostess aprons does a girl need? and the answer is apparently “2″!  or maybe it’s “at least 2″.

now if only i could stop spending money on these little details (even though draperies are next on my list) so that i could afford bigger things… like my desk!   or maybe the newest obsession of mine – the wrapping center!

okay, maybe i’ve got my eye on these and i’ll end up with them first…  or maybe not, at $80 a panel they’re not really “in the budget” but they’d be PERFECT!  we’ll see…

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~ today i learned… the entire US is considered fertile ground for growing strawberries ~

M came home the other day and was all casual

“had a good day, work was crazy as usual.  blahblahblah”

then he slipped in…

“i had an interesting conversation today though.  remember that job at [company redacted] that i was interested in?  well they called me about a job.  how would you feel about moving? back to Richmond?”

i ‘about fell on the floor.  i got light headed, nauseous, my heart stopped… no it sank.  i didn’t know what to say.  he was serious.

i stumbled over my words a little bit but finally go out something along the lines of “uhhhh, what??”

we talked about it.  it was probably the most awkward conversation we’ve ever had.  i mean i didn’t want to immediately kill the idea if it meant his career and day to day life would be better, but i didn’t know if that was the case.  and it was hard to keep the tears from coming. 

we just moved into this house.  we’d already talked many times about how long we’ll stay in this house before moving.  i could see being here for 10 years or more, we eventually agreed on 5.  since then we’ve put a TON of elbow grease, blood and sweat into this house.  we’ve done major repairs.  we’ve been changing everything cosmetic we can to reflect our tastes.  this house is just starting to take shape and we have so much more work ahead of us.  but this whole time we’ve been making decisions on this house, for our future.

i’ve been imagining what it’ll be like when we finally have this place in every day living condition.  imagining what it’ll be like to host my nieces when they come to visit, how much they’ll love the pool and walking to the park around the corner.  imagining hosting our friends on our party size back deck on a nice summer day, having people come stay with us for beach weekends.  imagining turning the smaller guest bedroom into a nursery, and greeting M, baby on hip, when he pulls into the driveway after work. 

i’ve pictured our life here for the next 5 years… and we haven’t even been here a month… and he’s talking about moving?!  i didn’t really know what to do.  i mean we both love Richmond and we said we’d move back if we ever got the chance.  i just didn’t think it would be so soon!  i just sent out our change of address cards to everyone and told them to write it in ink… this was the first time i’ve been able to do that.  my place of residence has been temporary for most of my life, i was so looking forward to being still, putting down roots.

at this point i really can’t imagine packing everything back up.  living like that again.  i don’t want to.  yes i’d love to be in Richmond, if we hadn’t just left.  so he’ll have the conversations necessary with this company.  enough to figure out whether this is a career move or just a parallel move back to Richmond.  if it’s simply parallel i vote we don’t go.  but it’ll be a split vote.  there’ll have to be some more stumping on both ends and then a revote.  we’ll see how it all goes.

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~ today i learned… women were banned from marathons in 1926 because they believed it caused infertility ~

• as i was unpacking the other day i came across my winter make-up.  you know, the stuff that’s almost see-thru it’s so white.  i’m not quite there yet but i’m starting to blend it with my less-tan makeup
• i also found some tan-time makeup… must be from years ago.  i can’t remember the last time i was that tan.  it makes me feel sad and old.
• i rip up my neighbors grass every day.  different yards each time.  when my little puppy dog goes poop in their yard and it’s too liquid to just pick up i just grab the whole clump of dirt & grass with the bag and rip it out.  not sure if the neighbors will be thrilled about this but i figure it’s better than leaving doggie diarrhea in their yard.
• i happened to go into The Loft this past weekend and was THRILLED to find the pants i’ve been pinning over for months!  they were $49.50 the first time i almost bought them.  then they went on sale for $39.50 and were buy one get one 50% off.  i caved that time but all i wanted was the grey pair and no store i went in had them.  this time i happened to wander into the store and found them for $18.88!  i kind of wish i bought them in other colors too but for right now i’m very happy (and wearing them : )
• i’ve been obsessed with grey items since this summer.   i’ve been trying to find a grey purse for the past 6 months.  i just heard on TV that grey is very “in” this year.  why do i always feel like i’m ahead of a trend and then it catches up to me rather quickly?
• i FINALLY changed my driver’s license name!  it’s official.  i can use my credit cards and everything that’s been piling up with my new name on it.
• the lady at the DMV had to take my picture 4 times… apparently i wasn’t standing “straight”, i wasn’t looking at the camera “right”, etc.  what a pain in the ass.  the cool thing is that i got to keep my old license : )  
• anyone want to pay top dollar for a fake id?  just kidding.  i remember when that was actually a viable thing to do though.  ah youth, those were the days.
• i hate that my body butter gets more expensive every year.  i wish other people didn’t like it so much that they could keep raising the price but that it was still liked by enough people to keep it around.
• M and i haven’t ventured out to find a mexican place yet… i’m kind of afraid.  i miss our old mexican joint.  it’s so easy to find bad mexican, that’s not what we’re looking for
• i’m taking my dog to a doggie dermatologist.  i had no idea this was even an option.
• why is it that the longer you’re at the vet/doggie dermatologist the more expensive your bill is?
• the weather guy on tv in my new city has scary cheek bones.  i mean they’re sharp looking.  like giving him eskimo kisses could be deadly if you slipped.  he looks like a disney male lead.
• i wish i could just completely stop watching Say Yes to the Dress and reading my favorite wedding blogs.  i keep coming across wedding dresses that i really really want!  i know i don’t get a do-over on this but i can’t help but keep seeing dresses and thinking “yes, that one.  that’s the one i want!”  hopefully i’ll find some events i can wear them to sans train.
• i am so excited to go to Richmond next weekend!  haircut, eyebrows, and getting my ring cleaned.  i really hope M opts to go with me so we can enjoy some eating out too.  maybe mexican?
• i accidentally forwarded all of M’s family’s mail when i set up our forward to our new address.  i feel bad because now all his mom’s mail is coming to our house.  i really need to get it all in the mail to her but i’m just busy… maybe tomorrow?
• open enrollment is the biggest load of BS ever.  they release all the new benefits info to us and we have 2 weeks to decide what the heck we wanna do.  i hate it.
• i have no plans for this weekend.  zero places i need to be or things that i have to do.  we’ll probably spend the weekend unpacking, cleaning, straightening up but i’m looking forward to doing whatever i want.  whatever that might be.
• based on everything we still have to do with the house, and the holiday plans, etc. we should be able to kick back and enjoy a weekend by February 2010.  i’m not kidding.
• enjoy your weekend folks!

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~ today i learned… Yahoo is short for Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle ~

i keep trying

i keep coming up with partial posts in my head

i keep saving draft versions of unfinished thoughts

i just can’t seem to get it done

i’m not sure what it is.  i know it’s a combination of being so busy, being unmotivated, being lazy, and whatever else i am.  but i just can’t seem to get the posts out right now.  i’m still reading, and commenting, and still loving all the blogs i look forward to.  but i don’t seem to have any drive to keep mine up to date right now. 

i have so much to write about the house – all the repairs, all the redecorating, all the hassles and the enjoyment of trying to create a living space Together.  all the compromise and the bouts of arguments about stupid things like shot glasses or giant fortune cookies. 

i keep thinking about all the ways i view life differently now.  how much has changed in the past few years and so much more in the past few months.  and yet it’s all realizations while i’m driving, or walking the dog, or doing something else that isn’t sitting in front of my wordpress admin.

i’ve had so much to say about the pain in the ASS that is changing your name on every single thing… and how NOT easy some places make it.  but i can’t seem to find the drive to put the thoughts into typed words.

ugh, i hope this slump passes.  i love my blog.  i hate neglecting it.  i’m just not feeling it. 

maybe just starting here is what i needed.  maybe this’ll be the kickstart to get me going again.  we’ll see.

i’m off to save some more drafts

as you’ve probably noticed i’ve been pretty busy lately, too busy to post

and completely unmotivated all at the same time

things are just nuts.  out of the normal kinda crazy.  everything is up in the air.  i’d just like a normal life, that’s all, just something other than the last 6 months of randomness and chaos.

i want our house to be in order.  heck, i just don’t want to unpack another damn box. 
i want to know where to go to get my eyebrows done, i have no clue right now and they’re starting to take over my face.
i want to have the time to find a cobbler so that i can get my fall/winter shoes recapped and stop click-clacking around like a horse.
i want to have time go to replace my makeup that is dried up (so i can stop pulling eyelashes out trying to cake it on) and cracked out (i’m sick of squishing together the tiny beads of powder to have enough to get on my face)
i want to go shopping!  use ANY of my non-Lowes birthday giftcards.
i want to put back on the weight i’ve lost in the last 3 months… partly so my fall clothes will fit
i want to get my period again.  yah, i said it, i’ve been so damn stressed that i completely missed it last month (that and the weight loss thing)… and i did get a negative pregnancy test, otherwise i’d be curled up in a ball still crying and not typing a post.
i want food in the pantry and the ‘fridge.  i miss having snacks, hell i miss grocery shopping!
i want our brand spanking new dishwasher to work again, we’re waiting on a replacement part already and i’m less than thrilled.
i want to have time to drive around our new city and figure out where everything is and what the heck is here.
i even want to have time to do laundry in our cool new washer/dryer set.

there are so many things i want to be able to do!  and mostly i just want to be in a position to have the time/energy to do them!

~ today i learned… honey is the only food that doesn’t spoil ~

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, read the previous 3 posts.  I haven’t the time to explain.  Kudos to Nick Riportella for kick-starting this idea that brings back memories of “We Didn’t Start the Fire”.  I have had an evening that lends itself nicely to releasing an assortment of random ideas.  I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

The Everything Song

This is a song for all the random things
Faulty fake IDs that land you in jail
This is the anthem for all the starving children
Buy this CD and add some salt and pepper

I’m not calling for a youth movement
But more reruns of Home Improvement
Tim Taylor was truly the man of the hour
To see a dishwasher and say, “More power!”

Calling all formerly famous sitcom actors
David Schwimmer, Jason Alexander
Dave Coulier, never afraid of a Full House of danger
And that guy who played Balki on Perfect Strangers

Wash the bedsheets and tear open the curtains
Let the sunshine of the moonlight wash over your bald spot
Comb over the strands of piano wire, make music to my ears
You’ll be lost in the ballroom, that’s for certain

I’m not saying we should all get along, good grief
I’m with the old lady asking, “Where’s the beef?”
Until Ronald McDonald put a hit out on her
She was turning the fast-food world upside-down

Calling the used-to-be-somebody corporate spokespeople
Pillsbury Doughboy’s half-baked, Joe Camel’s been deserted
The Gerber Baby is already out of diapers
And the Maytag Man has hung himself out to dry

The terrible twos have come calling
And they want their tantrums back
Let’s make it to three before midnight
And the scene fades now to black

Rosemary, Ted, Louis: all terrible names for pets
Skippy, Howie, Benson: as good as it can get
We specialize in tragic comedy, laugh until you cry
Giggles run down your face without you knowing why

Calling again for the unwashed masses
I think I’ll start looking in France
Greasy old men in horn-rim glasses
Who truly believe they can dance

Where, oh where, can we find Dave Coulier now?

I make no apologies.  This is what it is.  Maybe it’ll be the surprise smash-hit of the summer.

Local North Carolina country singer Matt Boswell and his Hillbilly Blues Band have been banned from city performances in Reidsville NC after using a local festival to feature their hate speech. They used their own lyrics to a Merle Haggard song, dissing Wall street bankers and told gays and queers to go somewhere else because they can’t get married here. What a nice group of people!, but kudos to a small city in N.C for doing the right thing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcohPEzYNrM&feature=player_embedded

Bronson Pinchot, who played Balky in Perfect Strangers, talked about working with Tom Cruise during the making of the movie “Risky Business”. Not only was Tom a big old bore but also a homophobe. He made constant unrelated homophobic comments like “You want some ice-cream, in case there are no gay people there” Bronson thinks it was funny that later on Tom Cruise was rumored to be gay. I’m not, you know what they say, the dogs that bark the loudest….

In London’s Soho district, U.K. first gay tourist office was opened this week. It will provide visitors with LGBT-specific information about the city and will sell tickets to various events and activities. Good to hear some positive news about the British capital after the news about hate-crimes in recent weeks.

Today, I’ve been blessed with finishing my stain-glass-window thing made from construction paper and tissue paper. we did it in art class. I’m also blessed with a  great lunch. And also, seeing “Perfect Stangers” and “Full House”.  Those are my favorite comedy shows. My “best” favorite and is Perfect Strangers”.

Tasha L. Thomas

Perfect Strangers was not that good a show, but it had it’s moments. It certainly was never serious, but if all you ever saw was this mashup, you wouldn’t know that. The music is from Requiem for a Dream and I think if you played the music with any video clip it would seem very serious and intense. If you want some more Bronson Pinchot (the dude who played Balki) read this interview from the AV Club. Some interesting insights into Tom Cruise and Denzel Washington.

In case you’ve been dearly missing me – and I’m oh-so-certain you have been – let me explain. This isn’t one of those “I’m busy and I can’t find the time to blog” excuses… nosireebob. The sad truth is, my trusty and beloved computer has gone on life support.

You see, after signing offline last Wednesday night, I woke up last Thursday morning, and, as I tend to do most mornings, I pressed the power button on the ole computron… and nothing happened. I thought maybe my eyes were simply tired, or perhaps my fingers has lost some of their previous ferocity. But no, it was true – my computer was dead.

And as of right now, it still is. I took it to a shop on what is known as “Computer Street.” I think I trust these people – it’s a licensed HP retailer – but who really knows? Initially, I thought the problem was my battery, but this shop’s little tests (i.e., plugging other batteries into my computer) showed otherwise. Shoulders slumped, I accepted their diagnosis, and have now been without my trusty device for nearly six days.

Are they telling the truth? Who knows? Are they ripping me off? Who knows? Are they werewolves? Who knows? All I know is that they told me it would be about a week, and that puts us at T-minus two days. Anything more than that will be saddening and rage-inducing. And nobody wants that.

Now, you may be asking, “How in the tarnation are you blogging without a computer?” Well, the answer is simple – Adam’s been gracious enough to let me use his from time to time. But I feel bad using it to write an extensive post. So we should probably end this here.

BUT – and I kid you not – there are good things awaiting you when the ole, beloved computron is back. And when that happens, we will be so happy, we do the dance of joy!

it was only a couple of weeks ago that i switched over from my cute summer purse to my favorite fall one.  and it’s already a disaster!  i’ve seen these before so i decided to followed suit today.  the premise is take your purse as it is, dump it out.  show a bunch of strangers the crap you carry around with you.  that’s it.  and let me tell you, if you ever need a kick in the butt to clean out your purse this little project will give you that for sure…

so here’s my lovely/favorite autumn bag:

here’s what it throws up when you turn it upside down:

and here’s the detailed account of what creates the permanent indent in my shoulder:

1. a mini hair salon for quick fixes and on-the-go styling (sounds like a product label).  a comb for fixing stuff, a little Aveda smoothing serum which is heaven, bobby pins (note: there are always handfulls of them in my pockets as well), various hair clips, and a ribbon should i feel the need to tie my hair up like Pollyanna.  the only thing missing is all of my brown hair elastics… they must all be stacked around my shifter knob, my secondary storage spot.
2. my phones – business on the left personal on the right.  i swear by Samsung phones.  oh, and the braided thingy on my phone is the best thing EVER.  M’s cousin made this for me, this kinda stuff is huge in Japan and i’ve never lost (or dropped) my phone since i’ve had it on there.  it’s AWESOME.
3. car key, house key, work electronic access thingy, and bottle opener
4. all my Reward card things.  this has been the best system for me.  i never miss out on points! (unless of course i completely forget to put it back in my purse)
5. more keys.  you’d think i was a night watchman.  but these have all been accumulated through the move so we knew where they were.  they’ll come out as soon as our place is cleaned up and you don’t lose everything you put down
6. a necklace i wore to a friend’s wedding.  not sure how it ended up in here but it did
7. an array of lip products – chapsticks (because i have an addiction), Clinique lip gloss, stain, & stick (i really only ever wear the chapstick and lip gloss)
8. receipts from this week – these usually get put away but i’ve been uber lazy.  i record every penny i spend, that’s why i keep them until i can record them
9. my mini medicine cabinet – tissues, more chapstick (can you ever really have enough??), lactaid (should i want some ice cream), antacid, SPF, and shout wipes (mainly for the hubs)
10. mini nail salon – file & neutral polish.  this is actually odd because normally i only carry clear nail polish and also a cuticle clipper (for pesky hangnnails).  i think this color is leftover from the previously mentioned friend’s wedding
11. my Franklin Covey day planner.  i LIVE by this thing!  i swear if i ever lose it i might as well curl up in a ball and die.  my entire life is in here.  i’ve been using day planners since high school and this has been my planner of choice for about 8 years running.  this is usually where everything ends up at some point either recorded in here or stored in here.  i even had the Wedding Planning pages in here earlier this year… it was kismet when i found them.   oh, and the colored pens?  those are for this as well… everything is color coded.  i’m anal retentive super type A and don’t give a damn.
12. driver’s license and credit cards – my quick grab for when i want to run into a store and not grab the whole purse.  they get shoved into the same pocket with my phone so i can grab it all at once.  at the end of each day they go back into the day planner for safe keeping.
13. opera ticket stubs from the season opener, a button extra off a new jacket, and a handy tape measure for… um, measuring things i guess.  M uses it more than i do when we’re out shopping at Lowes (which is our new life).

so that’s it.  my life in a handbag.

i hope someone else i read does this too because i’m SO curious about what’s in everyone else’s purses!  show me!!

~ today i learned… ‘meme’ is actually said to be pronounced to sound like ‘cream’, i always thought it sounded like “mem”.  oh well, that’s how i’ll continue to say it in my head ~

that’s pretty much what i’ve been saying since the minute we did the walk-thru in our new house

i think i’ve said it more in the past week than i have in my last 26 (heehee) years

the people we purchased our new house from were not only kinda’ jerks but they were apparently really gross, filthy, and just plain incompetent.  before we bought the house we knew they hadn’t taken care of any major things involved with house ownership.  everything was original to the house.  that always sounds good but it’s really bad.  “original” means never replaced, never updated, never fixed… and in this case never even maintained.  so between what we could see and the home inspection we knew we were in for some pretty major repairs to make it a safe place to live right off the bat…
new roof
new HVAC
new water heater

all pretty pricey and important things.  but we worked those into our deal and included those repairs into what we paid for the house.  not a bad deal overall.  my husband is quite the wheeler/dealer type.

and then it came to moving into the house… and we were caught off guard.  i guess we assumed most people are relatively clean, have some self-respect, and have some shame.  especially people who live in this neighborhood… it’s definitely NOT the ghetto.  but we were wrong.  so so wrong.  these people lived filthy gross dirty disgusting lives.  and they had no shame in leaving the house that way for us too.  it was a bit of a stunner at first and now we’re just kinda to the point of laughing hysterically like Tom Hanks in Money Pit whenever something else happens.  i have yet to see a single thing that doesn’t need a good sanitizing, repairing or replacing.  i honestly don’t think they EVER cleaned the place.  here’s just the abbreviated list:

• on walk thru day the owners had left some of their trash on our deck and in the garage… we informed their realtor they needed to dispose of it.  they did… they also came back and took other things that were left in the house when we signed off on the walk-thru, that’s shady.
• their realtor was to provide us with the extra keys and garage door openers at the closing… but the previous owners decided NO, so we got one shitty old garage door opener and that was it.  they had 2 teen kids… that means they had At Least 4 house keys, we got one.  that’s SHADY.  i made M change the locks that night!
• the trash can was full and overflowing the day we moved in from the previous residents… trash pickup wasn’t for 4 days which meant we couldn’t actually have any trash.  and then when the trash did come, they didn’t take it.  because your can lid needs to be closed… and they filled it up so it was overflowing.  i hate these people.
• they previously had shelving/racking in the garage… they apparently ripped it all out by tying it to their truck and driving away since the drywall looks like swiss cheese (oh, and the garage REEKS of wet dog!)
• the inside of the house smelled of wet dog as well… one carpet specifically.  we shampooed it multiple times, it’s not getting any better
• the tile floors from the kitchen to the front door are cracked all over the place
• the corner of the kitchen appears to be sinking into the earth… it’s not cool
• the cabinet under the kitchen sink looks like it was subject to hurricane Katrina… M gagged many times trying to clean the mold out
• the kitchen is just… gross.  completely grimy and a layer of grease/filth on every wall/cabinet/window and somehow inside of the cupboards as well
• the interior of the kitchen drawers and cupboards are beyond reason.  not only did i have to VACUUM them (wtf?!) but it looks like things exploded in there
• the food pantry was GROSS!  i can’t even get into detail, i’ll gag.
• there was dog hair everywhere.  the worst part is the walls, i thought there was dog hair on the walls… it turns out it’s in the PAINT!  they PAINTED OVER DOG HAIR!
• we have a pleasant swarm of yellow jackets living under our 2nd floor balcony… and we can’t find our hornet spray
• the deck railing they had their dog tied up to is no longer even attached to the deck
• the windows are all painted shut. 
• there was a dead fly festival going on inside each of the windows
• the grout in the kitchen falls apart if you touch it.  the laminate counter tops are peeling apart
• the bathrooms are… ugh, well M told me to not lift up any toilet seats because then i would never use the toilet
• the showers are NASTY, nasty, nasty
• every electrical outlet was wired upside down!  i know that’s not the owner’s fault, it’s lazy contractors but still, they should have fixed that shit like we’re going to.

and that’s just the topical stuff.  this doesn’t even begin to touch on the hideous cosmetics of the house.  we have SO MANY changes to make to it.  every lighting fixture.  every switch plate.  ALL of the BRASS accents.  we’re trying to change things one at a time… small changes that make a big impact.  we have many major changes that are on our VERY LONG list as well (removing tile, putting in hardwoods, total bathroom remodel, replacing all windows, kitchen remodel, etc.).

the part that really disturbs me isn’t just that they lived in such filth, it’s that they had 2 kids.  and apparently the kids lived in this too.  granted they’re teens now and if they wanted it cleaner they could make it so… but they don’t, because they don’t know any different.  it’s just sad.  and gross.  i guess i knew people lived like this, i just thought most people wouldn’t want anyone to know they lived like this. 

i mean at least hire cleaning people if you’re not going to clean it yourself… even if it’s only the once, after you move all your shit out.

oh… and get this… we think they’re living next door temporarily.  awesome.

~ today i learned… they have flea collars for dogs that are scented.  DON’T ever get these!  they smell like a walking bathroom air freshener. ~

I love my dog.  I know all dog owners say that, but really, I love Balki!

Hi, I'm Balki! Will you be my friend?

Have you met Balki yet?

(Since I know you want to ask: Yes, we did, in fact, name our dog after Bronson Pinchot’s character from “Perfect Strangers.”  We’re those people.)

My dog is my running buddy, my foot warmer, my biggest fan.  And what he doesn’t know is that he is an excellent PR teacher.  In fact, there are 4 keys to effective PR that little Balki has mastered, even though he is only 13 months old.

1) Approach every day enthusiastically – For Balki, everyday is a new adventure!  When he wakes up in the morning, all he needs is a front yard and some stretching until he is a smily guy, ready to rule the block.

Shouldn’t we, as PR and marketing pros, approach the morning as the start of fresh opportunities for our clients?  We tend to need a lot of time to get up and rolling (guilty!), but how much more effective would we be if we were ready to rock and roll earlier in the day?

2) Say “Hello!” – Whether it’s a new dog at the corner or a 4 year old girl walking down the street with her parents, Balki lets them all know he sees them.  Whether a wag of the tail, a friendly yelp or even a lick to the face, he makes his presence known.

I'm so happy! You should be, too!

We are a social breed.  If we are to be “people people,” that starts with a simple “howdy!”  You never know who you are sitting next to.  A few days ago, my wife and I were out to dinner and started talking to the couple sitting next to us.  We ended up going out to a wine bar with them after dinner and have new “couple friends” and perhaps a few business leads for all of us, just because we said “Hello!”

3) Protect your owner client at all times - Was that a bump in the night?  A strange sound outside the front door?  Are those sirens wailing down the pike?  When he hears or sees a potential threat, the normally docile Balki springs to action, doing a perimeter check of our home.  Much like an Under Armour commercial, Balki will protect this house!

In much the same way, publicists should always have an eye and an ear towards any potential threats to our clients.  If a competitor releases a new product or a strategic partner loses assets, we should not only be aware of the problem, but be ready to propose strategies to overcome the obstacles.

4) Show appreciation – If you do something nice for my dog, like give him a treat, a belly rub or an ear scratch, he will let you know.  He’ll lick you, he snuggle you, he’ll smile…he will show his appreciation.

That’s something we should do, if we aren’t already.  We are networking folks, so when someone does something nice for us, it’s critical that we show our appreciation.  A quick phone call, e-mail or a hand-written, old-fashioned thank you note goes a long way.  Obviously, none of those methods are a lick in the face, but I think you’ll get the message across just the same.

So there you have it…PR really is for the dogs!

QUESTION: What other good PR lessons have you learned from animals?

Wha's happeni-oh wrong show

The last day of qualifiers on three continents came and passed today.  In an effort to be more international – I guess – I’m going to try to hit all of them, especially since more of the story in Europe was already done.  (For the perhaps 1 of you who will read this in the absence of a gratuitous reference to a 80s-90s television celebrity, such as Perfect Strangers‘ Bronson Pinchot.)

UEFA

Wow that picture of Bronson Pinchot really crowds out the screen - photo credit AP

The last two teams to secure automatic qualification clinched it today, both on the strength of just-barely-enough performances.  In weather conditons that can only be described as horrendous – or hysterical – Slovakia edged out Poland on the strength of an early own goal.  This was as expected, though the late challenge by second place Slovenia in the Slovakian capital last weekend transformed this match from a lame duck showing.

In sunnier climes, if one would like to refer to Basel that way, group winner Switzerland and Israel played to a scoreless and rather unexciting draw. (Though tell that to the Swiss fans in attendance.)  For the Swiss this was actually a rather close-run thing; had they lost by a single goal today, second-place Greece’s 2-1 victory over Luxembourg would have been sufficient to propel them into pole position.  Both Switzerland and Greece seemed to be playing surprisingly conservatively, or at least without a great deal of verve; but with a Greek attempt to storm into first place out of their hands all parties may have just thought it best to be slow and steady.

Portugal and Ukraine were the last teams to nab playoff berths without being in contention for their respective top spots.  Portugal gained a decisive (and inevitable) victory over Malta, while Ukraine did the same over Andorra.  On a personal note I continue to be infuriated with the lackluster play England exhibited in allowing Ukraine both to ruin their perfect record and edge out Croatia for the playoff.  I will undoubtedly continue to air this opinion at every opportunity.

As predicted, Norway was excluded from the second-place playoffs on the basis of weak group performance. Perhaps ironically, had Scotland not experienced their calamitous defeat to the Norwegians, or had they overcome the Dutch in their last meeting, it would instead have been the Irish Republic excluded. I mourn for the benighted Scots and their benevolent, long-suffering fans. But soccer, like politics and alcoholism, is an enterprise which worships always towards the dawn.

Second-place playoffs

You kiddin' me?!

The draws for the second-place playoffs will be next Monday. (I think…)  Because Sepp Bladder is a man I might only describe in a terms both inventive and exceptionally lewd, Europe will be having a seeding system for its playoffs.  The initial plan (though it was never shared with anyone, so how could we know?) was to have the eight second-place qualifiers randomly paired off, each to play one game at home and one away, with the overall winner of each to gain the final four places. However there is now to be seeding based on next week’s FIFA World Rankings, which orders teams by a variety of factors based on international performance. The top four teams will be placed in one pot; the bottom four teams in another. Teams will be paired only with those from the other pot, which assures that the “best” teams will face weaker opposition. These latter are furious, with Irish coach Trapattoni being especially vocal about it, but I don’t see Bladder backing down.

Almost assuredly, the high pot will consist of Russia, France, Portugal and Greece and the dregs with Ukraine, Ireland (I think we can dispense with this Republic business, yes?), Slovenia and Bosnia and Herzegovina. We don’t know who will be paired with whom, of course, so speculation is early, but some conclusions are possible. Russia will qualify, knocking out whoever is set against them with indecent ease. (I dreamed they would do so to Portugal… alas.) Besides Russia the ironic truth is that none of the top teams are that good. France took second in a weak group; had any of the virtuous thirds like Sweden, Finland or Croatia been placed with them I doubt they’d have come this far. Portugal and Greece are notionally strong and rallied towards the end. Greece didn’t face a really tough group, so they have to be rated as faltering, but Portugal really were in a bad neighborhood with Denmark and Sweden and should be credited with a late rally. They’re not as sure a thing as Russia but they’re odds of their failure are 3:1 against.

What about the “dregs”? Again, without pairings this is speculation, but none of the four were deeply-impressive runners up. Ukraine is notionally the strongest, but they were pretty eh. B/H did just well enough to beat failing Turkey and a Belgian team in almost as bad a shape as their country. They could maybe beat Greece but they’re not giant killers. Slovenia fought their way through a very tough group, and did so as unexpectedly as forcefully, but the fact that they overcame an evenly-matched group doesn’t mean they beat a good group. Ireland, however, have been turning in powerful performances and went undefeated in their group, nearly holing the Italians in the process. (And even at half-speed Italy are no slouch.) I like their chances best, and am in fervent negotiations with the Almighty to ensure they’re not paired against Russia. In the atmosphere Slovenia and Ukraine are balanced for second-best-second, Slovenia on hustle and Ukraine on talent, with B/H trailing behind.

CONCACAF

The North American section closed with a bang – indeed a veritable Soccer War – tonight as an excruciatingly-late stoppage time equalizer prevented the Costa Ricans from clinching automatic qualification in Washington, DC. A game at which I was not present. I didn’t know soon enough, I tell myself. I can’t afford it, I tell myself. And still wish I’d gone.

This was morally important for the US, as it left us at the top of the fourth round group (an all-important point above Mexico) in a week in which the US team was plagued with disastrous injuries. The last, a rather severe tendon issue with Oguchi Onweyu late in the second half, follows a day after Charlie Davies’ car accident outside the District and left the side Estadosunidense at ten men going into stoppage. Compounding the bizarre pageantry of the whole affair, Costa Rica’s coach Renê Simões was ordered off the field (along with an assistant) following some substitution clusterfuck – perhaps in view of the paucity of time left, the referee refused it and he got lippy. Retaliating, the referee left a full five minutes on the clock, allowing the Hail Mary goal that saw Honduras qualify for the World Cup for the first time.

Well THAT'S rather uncalled for

I didn’t see much of the Honduras game, but it was apparently tight and pretty brutal.  El Salvador could easily have tied it up and left Honduras (as I’d predicted) to slug it out with the CONMEBOL fifth-place. But now it is Costa Rica that will go in their stead. In soccer as in life, someone else always pays for your success.

CONMEBOL

By comparison South America’s final night was somewhat humdrum if you weren’t secreted away in a Buenos Aires suburb with a spicy Argentinian lover and a deactivated Blackberry/wife and kids. Argentina frustratingly managed a desultory goal in the 84th minute of play that turned out to be completely extraneous, given that Chile sent Ecuador quietly into the good night. A sad end to the city that hosted the first World Cup, but Uruguay’s night was tinged with hope, as Ecuador’s loss also guaranteed them the playoff spot against the fourth-placed North American side. Their dog will have its day in two matches against Costa Rica.

Playoff

I would generally rate Costa Rica the favorite. But Uruguay has done arguably better in an inarguably tougher milieu, and the endless series of qualifiers they’ve played starting two years ago has got to whet the appetite. Costa Rica will have something to prove, but the crushing nature of the draw to the US tonight has something to do with a sense of entitlement on their side.

But then again Uruguay’s wins haven’t been all that impressive. You get the sense Argentina rather deserved to go on if that was going to be their opposition. If Costa Rica faces similar they’ll seize the lifeboat of one of the last 2010 spots.

AFC-OFC playoff

Bahrain to win. Even if they weren’t a better team – it’s not clear – they’ll be away when they face New Zealand again, which means that a non-scoreless draw will see them through. I actually don’t know what happens if they draw scorelessly. Penalty shootouts, I imagine. New Zealand might have a shot there, as playing a tournament against Tuvalu and the Federated States of Micronesia must be very like practicing penalty shots.

CAF

Oh for fuck’s sake.

I stand by my predictions - Cameroon, Nigeria, Algeria

today i celebrate my annual 26th birthday

today we move into OUR first house

today i get to eat out with JUST my hubby

today i get to field calls from people i don’t get to see often enough who want to bring me happy birthday wishes (i assume anyway)

today i go to target and stock up on the breakfast triumvirate… frankenberry, booberry, and count chocula

today i get to pick out paint colors and start making the house our home

today i get to eat Qdoba for lunch

today marks the first day of our newlywed life.  some might disagree here but our life has been on hold for almost 2 months now, nothing has been normal, it’s been very stressful and so now we can go back to being the happoy couple who curl up on the couch to watch the season finale of True Blood (can’t wait!!) 

today i work in silence.  no cable yet.  no mother-in-law harassing me.  just quiet.

today will be a good day.

and tonight?  tonight i get to sleep in my own bed with my husband and no one else in the house.  tonight will be a great night.

~ today i learned… (there are a few theories but this is the one that i stick with) the origin of birthday candles goes back to the Germans who use to put a big candle in the center to represent the ‘light of life’ ~

• how exactly do you teach taste without teaching judging?  (yes, this goes back to baby on the brain) i just always wonder how you teach your children what is tasteful without pointing out others who are doing/wearing/choosing something that is not.  i mean sometimes i see tweens/teens that look like total trash and i can’t help but wonder… how would i keep my kid from dressing like a hoochie or from buying a pink mitsubishi eclipse?  i like to think that i keep things tasteful.  some would say conservative, either way i hope my kids pick up something from me and not make trashy choices.  whether it’s knowing the difference between dress up date clothes and dress up work clothes, or just picking out classy jewelry rather than some big tacky stuff i hope my kids have taste.  i’d hate to look at the stuff they choose as an adult and think “uh, how ugly!”
• i don’t care where i live.  i don’t care what temperature it is.  i’ll never be okay with people wearing tank tops, shorts, and flipflops in October.  yes, i know it’s over 80 degrees out but honestly, there are much more seasonally appropriate outfits to wear in October!  c’mon people, have some class!
• why is is that you never realize you have/are getting one until after you do your business and stand up and then OH, YIKES, yah, that’s a hemorrhoid.  (sorry for the crassness here but my body tends to steer towards these for a certain week so it’s kind of a pain in my ass right now… pun intended)
• when did BK start doing sliders?  it’s brilliant but i had no clue they were doing it.
• and why is BK still using Lipton Brisk as their “tea”?  everyone else has gotten with the program.  brew that shit BK!  EVERYONE else is doing it!  only New Englanders even DRINK Lipton Brisk… and none of them really like it either!  (can you tell where i ate the other day?)
• i completely understand why the USPS is suffering.  but it doesn’t help that they refuse to up their customer service level!  keep closing down locations, keep raising the price of stamps, keep talking about dropping a mail day… when all you need to do is provide a BETTER SERVICE!  i mean they offer tracking, but it doesn’t actually TRACK anything!  they lose shit all the time.  they take waaay longer to deliver packages than any other service.  and the stamps!  they have a great selection online but for some reason the post offices only ever carry the forever stamp, the hannukah stamp, and a black history stamp.  sometimes they’ll have Bob Hope but they never have ANYTHING ELSE! 
• it’s THAT time of year!  Count Chocula, Booberry, and Frankenberry are BACK!  check your local Target.  i can’t wait to stock up tomorrow after we’re in the new house!
• i have so much scheduled for the next 6 weeks.  i literally have 2 days that are unplanned and i have a feeling they’ll be spent doing house stuff… since there’s plenty of that to be done.  and that doesn’t even include working!

~  today i learned… the very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo ~