I checked my bank balance today and was actually pleasantly surprised … not that it makes the budget any easier… but I’ve been trying really hard to live on less than I need each week for a while now and purposely NOT checking the bank to let it build up as much as possible. I know how much I have “spare” each week after paying my rent and bills, so as long as I was always spending less than that, then I knew I was making some headway into a budget for Christmas. Cutting down on alcohol has helped enormously too …

It has actually worked out really well … by saving just £20-£30 a week for the last few months, I’ve managed to stash around £500 to put towards Christmas. It’s actually a lot more than I thought I’d saved up, but this has to include everything … all of the gifts, stockings, the food … my entire Christmas budget, but considering I thought I only had about half of that – I think I might just be able to breathe this Christmas!

Last year the children were with me for Christmas because it naturally worked out that way with the weekends etc, and as soon as Christmas last year was over and done with I told my ex point blank that there is NO WAY I can consider spending a Christmas without my kids! I don’t care whose weekend it falls on – I need to have the children with me for Christmas morning as much as I need my heart to keep pumping in order to survive! I’m even happy to split Christmas Day if he wants … they can go to him after lunch and spend the afternoon & evening with him. I really don’t mind about the rest of it and I’m totally happy to be flexible, but I NEED my kids with me Christmas Eve and Christmas morning!

It means I play Santa every year … and therefore I am spending a lot more than my ex on the kids … but I don’t care – it’s worth it and it’s why I have been scrimping and saving so much over the last few months to make damned sure that we have a good Christmas!!

AP is buying me a new Christmas tree! He is so sweet and thoughtful! We went tree shopping for him a few days ago and he bought a brand new 7ft fake tree. He is a lover of real trees, but it comes down to time / money & buggerance factor so he’s gone for a fake one. We chose it together at the garden centre and I admitted I was very jealous of his tree … and he offered to buy me one just like it! He is such a great boyfriend! LOL

Did I mention I have my period – it’s quite a nasty one with stomach cramps and all sorts … and AP bought me chocolate this morning and then let me curl up on him to snooze my cramps away before we went down to work this afternoon. He even gives his dog small bits of the good chocolate when she has her period too! How thoughtful is that? I have never EVER had a man do anything remotely like that for me at “that time of the month” … the most I ever got from my ex was blaming my hormones when I got a bit shitty if I had my period at the same time! AP is terrific xx

How many of you have a man who brings you chocolate, massages and sympathy when you get your period? LOL I have the best boyfriend in the world!

I have always, to some extent, always felt I was born in the wrong body. Sure, some things about being female-embodied are fun. Breasts, for example. It’s definitely nice to have these things. Although there are definitely days I would be happy to do without them, and I have always wished mine were smaller (even when they were, pre-baby). I like having them, but sometimes I wish I could keep them as accessories instead of permanently attached body parts.

However, there is one thing that I don’t think I will ever, ever get used to or learn to like. BLEEDING.

I hate it!

I have a friend who refers affectionately to this time of month as her “Moon Time,” and celebrates it by pampering herself with special teas and playing hooky from work. I have another who practices bellydancing (she calls it “Goddess Dance”), and claims that it has helped her feel much more strong and empowered during this transformative time in her cycle. I even know a lesbian couple that finds menstrual blood a turn-on and includes it in their sex play (something I will never, no matter how much you pay me, will do).

But I don’t get any of this romanticism of what to me, essentially just boils down to a homely, convalescent burp in my natural rhythms. I don’t understand it. I don’t want a cycle. I hate cycles. I hate watching my body change and do strange things I have no control of. I hate feeling the tides of lymph swelling up my tissues until my eyes look hung over and my pants don’t button. I hate staying up at night feeling tortured by cramps, upset stomach and nausea. I hate the ebbs and flows of breast sensitivity and weight. I don’t really get mood swings, but I get headaches and pain. I hate pain. And I really, really hate blood. In any form.

While I believe in a higher power, I am mystified by the existence of blood periods. I mean, couldn’t we women have been designed a little better? Why do we have to bleed? It’s so humiliating and degrading, to me. It’s not just some mysteriously enticing body secretion, it’s BLOOD: a bad-smelling substance that reminds us of violence, wounds, war—coming out of our vaginas, a part of our bodies that’s supposed to represent beauty, sensitivity and regenerative power. How undignified! How evocative of all the abuse and enslavement we’ve suffered over the aeons! It almost feels like something a really cruel man would invent as our ultimate humiliation. I mean, how would men feel if their penises bled regularly, and it hurt and made them feel ill? Would that make them feel manly? Is this really some kind of curse that we accepted, and never quite figured out… and learned to develop all kinds of romantic New Agey rationalizations for?

I don’t know. There are times I think that we women have punished ourselves by learning to bleed. What if we could teach our wombs to just chill out and stop producing that damn endometrium unless we actually were trying to conceive a child? I mean, do we need to be baby-ready 24/7? Is being a woman all about childbearing, anyway? To me, it is not. It is about a lot of things, but I think the idea of a woman’s body being eternally receptive to sperm seems instinctively wrong… like maybe we haven’t mastered some secrets of feminine biological power. (I also think it is possible for women to control conception without pills and artificial devices, just through the mind—but that’s a topic for another day.)

I’ve tried to accept the concept of bleeding, but the more I try, the more I just rebel against it. I don’t like calling periods “moon time.” It feels too complacent to me, too politically correct. There is nothing lovely and romantic to me about this time. To me, it’s just a PERIOD… kind of like detention. It’s a week out of each month—one quarter of my entire life—where I feel fat and achy, weak, and dirty. And for all of the old-school feminists of the world who find that last adjective offensive… let’s call a spade a spade. There is NOTHING CLEAN about menstrual flow. It’s blood mixed with mucous and pieces of the inside of your uterus, for crying out loud. Blood is what comes out of a raw steak. Blood is what comes out of someone when you knife them. Blood is what mosquitoes suck from our flesh. For exactly one quarter of our lives as childbearing women, we (biological women at least) have to sit around figuring out ways to clean blood off ourselves, and to avoid showing it to the world. There is no one that can tell me this isn’t gross—and somehow, just really, really wrong.

If it weren’t for my fondness for breasts and my revulsion toward surgery, I might have gone FTM a long time ago. And when I get a chance to pick out my next body, next time around I’ll probably return to a male form. Being a woman is so confusing to me on so many levels. There are some things I like about it—like the ability to cry, love boys freely, wear flowered shirts and be sensitive without being called a faggot—but so many more things I can do without. And bleeding is one of the biggest.

In the end, I just feel confused by femininity. I honor it, I respect it, but I feel so often like I’ve wandered into it as a tourist, and found that I’ve gotten into something that’s way over my head. And occasionally, I want out. Sometimes it’s hard for me to sort out what is true femininity—which to me, is POWERFUL—and the disease, the “curse” of female disempowerment that on affects nearly all double X-ers to some extent. There are days I could completely imagine living without breasts. There are other days I marvel at the fact that I’ve managed to bear and nurse a child. It feels so odd to think about this. I don’t want to do it again—once was enough. Even if I actually wanted a second child, which I don’t, I can’t imagine going through childbirth again. If being a woman is like a daily dose of culture shock to my brain, labor to me felt like being initiated into a secret society where you have to learn to eat worms and get tattooed by herds of fire ants. All I kept thinking during that experience was, “WT…F!!!!” It was strange… to put it mildly.
I don’t know if things will change once I hit menopause—that alone has its share of strange symptoms I am sure I won’t be thrilled about. I feel like what I dislike most about being a woman, is feeling my body is a usable commodity with an expiration date. A man is always a man, he is always the same, he is always manly at any age. A man can even improve with age. He is not stalled or even stopped in his tracks by the humiliations of blood and pain. He is not slowed down and weakened by pregnancies, nursing, hormonal fluctuations. He doesn’t have to focus on such gruesomely elemental concerns all the time. He can have one foot in the ether and one foot on the earth. For a woman, it is very hard to get that second foot out of the earth. Even if she never is able to bear a child, her body always taunts her with the prospect. Even if she never wants a child, she has to put up with this monthly bleeding. And if she does have a child, she cannot be left alone. She is weak and needs help and support.

I know it’s really not the feminist thing to do, criticizing our most sacred bodily function. But when I think about it instinctively, I just still feel like it is wrong, strange. And even if this suspicion of biological foul play ousts me from the inner circle of estrogen-worshipping goddess warriors, I’m going to be honest about it. I hate to bleed. And I question why a God who can create the aurora borealis, puppies and macadamia nuts couldn’t have figured this one out a little better.

And in my most painful moments, I occasionally wonder whether this was actually Her intention at all.

© Sarah Noack 2007

Waterloo’s relentless forecheck kept the Hurricanes on their heals most of the night and this created many scoring chances for the Siskins in their 4-2 win over the Guelph Thursday night at The Sleeman Centre.

Guelph's Martin Kudla battles Waterloo's Kevin Henriques for the puck

Except for 10 minutes in the 2^nd period, the Siskins were aggressive in taking the play to the Hurricanes.  

If it wasn’t for the stellar goaltending by Chris McDougall who turned away 40 of 44 shots, the score of this game could have easily mirrored the score in their last outing when Waterloo beat Guelph 8-0.

In the opening period, Waterloo fired 24 shots at McDougall and jumped out to a 3-0 lead on goals by Scott Nagy, Ryan Dilks and Andrew Csumrik.

Tyson Theaker pulled the Hurricanes within 2 with a goal 17 seconds into the second period.

Waterloo’s Tony Blyde restored the Siskin’s 3 goal lead 2 and a half minutes later.

The score stayed 4-1 until Peter Soligo scored on shot from the point after Siskins goalie Will Sibley stopped Nic MacEachern and Mike McFarlane on a 2 on 0.

The Hurricanes pulled their goalie late in the game but couldn’t get another one past Sibley.

Final Score: Waterloo (now 18-5-0) 4, Guelph (now 8-16-2) 2

The Hurricanes take to the road for their next 2 games, Saturday in Cambridge and Sunday in Elmira.

Guelph’s next home game will be next Thursday December 3^rd against the league leading Brantford Golden Eagles. Game time is 7:45 pm.

I put new 1L$ dress for Christmas season.

It made by red & green　(Xmas color ；D)

*:Sweet Strawberry:*

http://slurl.com/secondlife/PERIOD/207/226/101

The day before Thanksgiving and I have so much to do. Last night I got the magazine to press and I’m so happy it is finally done. I am just keeping my fingers crossed hoping everything gets approved and there is no changes. I can’t wait to be able to rest my eyes for a few days and not think about work. In the last couple of days I’ve been swamped working from 7am-9/10pm on a computer. I think anyone doing this would see how it would make you a little crazy!!! But needless to say I only have to go to press once a month, so for those few days it is probably the worst my job gets. haha as one of my best friends said to me, “Your job is like having your period… it comes once a month without fail. It is a pain when you have it but it will soon all be over“

Hope everyone has a great holiday… Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Lagunatic was reading a message board conversation about Mensa.  I knew I had to contribute as I have much to say on the matter:

I’m the antithesis of Mensa…I belong to a group called Menstrual. You have to be really cranky and saddled with a week long case of the stupids to join. We meet monthly. Period. Sometimes we check out each others’ pads.

(how much longer can I go with this do you think?)

You’re sorry you opened this aren’t you? Well get over it and pass me that fucking jar of Nutella! And a tissue – I seem to be crying for no apparent reason.

World Heritage Sites are places of “outstanding universal value”‘ chosen by the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation. The Dorset and East Devon Coast is one of the most speactacular of England’s World Heritage Sites. Known as The Jurassic Coast, this area comprises more than 90 spectacular miles of truly beautiful coast which stretches from East Devon to Dorset. The rocks along this coast encompass a period of more than 185 million years of the Earth’s history.

World Heritage status was granted because the coast offers a unique insight into a geological “time line” spanning the Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous periods of the Earth’s history. Very different sections of this coast formed over millions of years through massive geological events, later assisted by coastal processes which you see as you walk through this truly beautiful area.

Orcombe Point marks the west edge of the World Heritage Site, and you can start your journey by seeing the Geoneedle, unveiled by the Prince of Wales in 2002 to commemorate granting of World Heritage Status to the Devon and East Dorset coast. The Geoneedle is built from stones taken from the coast in the sequence in which the rocks were deposited along the coast during its development.

The rocks of the Dorset and East Devon Coast record the period known as the Mesozoic era – the Middle Ages of Earth’s history – which is broken down into the Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous Periods of geological time. These represent the period from 250 million years ago to 65 million years ago. All along the coast, this amazing geology is clearly exposed and easily accessible.

In Triassic times, which were between 250 and 200 million years ago, the World Heritage Site was an element of the super-continent called Pangaea, a landmass which later divided into the continents of our current world. Dorset and East Devon was somewhere in the desert-like, dry centre of this unimaginable super-continent. The Triassic was a crucial period of the evolution of life on Earth. Those sea-going animals which were able to survive a mass extinction at the end of the previous geological period evolved and developed; for example, the dinosaurs evolved around this time and later became dominant during the Mesozoic Era. By the end of the Triassic, most of the groups of four legged animals which we know today had evolved, including the first true mammals.

Pangaea started to split up during the Jurassic Period between 200 and 140 million years ago. The Atlantic Ocean formed to the west of Britain and the Americas moved away from Europe. The Earth was warm and sea levels were high, with almost no polar ice caps. The Jurassic rocks of East Devon and Dorset record these marine conditions – although the depth of the oceans varied from relatively deep seas to coastal swamps. The geology of this area indicates that sea levels rose and fell in cycles, with the deposition of deep water clays, then sandstones and last of all shallow water limestones. The oceans were relatively shallow in the middle of the Jurassic, which created a series of islands raised slightly above the shallow shoals, rather like the Caribbean of today. The oceans deepened as the Jurassic time period progressed, though they again became shallower at the end of the Jurassic. This change created a tropical-type swamp environment. Though you may find that hard to believe right now!

Jurassic animals included Ammonites, a type of mollusc related to the squid, but with hard spiral shells. These are one of the most common fossils you can find on the Dorset and East Devon Coast; and in fact, Portland and its limestone and chalk is where the giant ammonite is found. As the shallow seas expanded, there was an explosion of life during which many animals evolved rapidly. Dinosaurs were abundant on Earth and the dominant animals in the oceans included ichthyosaurs, plesiosaurs and crocodiles.

During the Cretaceous Period, which extended from 140 to 65 million years ago, America continued to drift away from Europe, and the Atlantic became more like it is today in form. The landscape on the World Heritage Site was somewhat like the Gulf of Arabia today, with lagoons. As the rocks under what is now south-west England tilted to the East, the warm waters of the Atlantic expanded, and sea conditions became more hospitable, allowing billions of microscopic algae to bloom in the clear waters. As their exo-skeletons sank to the sea floor, they gradually formed the pure, white chalk we see in the area today.

Right across the World Heritage Site you can see the “Great Unconformity”, a time gap between rocks of different ages. In the mid-Cretaceous the rocks tilted eastwards, and were then gradually eroded by seas and rivers, especially in the west of the area. And so, all the Jurassic and Lower Cretaceous rock history is absent from the geological timeline in this “fault”, and the Cretaceous rocks are deposited on the eroded rock surfaces of the Triassic period. As you walk along the coast, this makes interpretation of the time line more difficult, because the oldest and the youngest rocks on the coast are found near each other in East Devon.

The Cretaceous saw the largest and most fearsome dinosaurs on the Earth, but it was also the period when the first flowering plants evolved. A mass extinction took place at the end of the Cretaceous period which was critical to the form and animal population of the modern world (although this is not explicitly recorded in the World Heritage Site). Certainly it was around this time that the reign of the reptiles – including dinosaurs – as the predominant life on Earth came to an end; dinosaurs, marine reptiles and ammonites were some of the species which became extinct. After their time, the present style of life on Earth evolved, dominated by mammals, flowering plants and grasses. The earliest rocks from the Cretaceous period of the World Heritage coast are the Purbeck Beds, which coincidentally represent one of the most challenging rock sequences along this part of the Devon coast. They have given us many fossils including dinosaur footprints and the microscopic animal teeth. Chalk – calcium carbonate – is the youngest Cretaceous rock in the Heritage area of the Devon and Dorset coast – it is located all through the area, and usually has millions of fossils of animals such as the sea urchin. All in all, the varied geology of this beautiful coast has formed an amazing laboratory for geomorphology – the study of the land and the geological processes that created it. Coastal land is never stable; it changes as the sea and frost mould it, as rain and human activity subtly alters it. But geomorphology is looking at longer time periods than that which represents the hand of man, even though small changes, repeated often enough over long periods of time, can be powerful agents for change as well. In our time, landslides or storms have not only created the shape of the coast but have revealed the fossils in this natural laboratory of geomorphology!

HELLO.

i am rather sad today cos i didnt get to go out with ju and wanting and weijian.

GRRRRR so pissed ttm can i was like so excited abt it for days and i organized everyth and weijian the number one pang-seh-er is always not free and today he could go BUT I COULDNT ARGHHHHHHHHHH

stupid menstrual crampz and whatever shit.

today i went for my first ever facial.

and i didnt really like it.

IT HURTS.

it hurts when they start poking your skin and extracting blackheads and whatever. and it was so frikkin cold cos you’ve to wear this tube dress and its in the aircon room and i think cos i just got my period so i got a cold.

and IT ALL WENT DOWNHILL FROM THERE.

i was so sick i couldnt walk properly cos of low blood. and i started cramping in my hands and almost puked.

okay i sound so pathetic this is the first time im reacting like that okay.

so i just went home and slept while my friends went to watch my wife is an agent ):

im sad im sad im sad.

OH WAIT

i forgot to blog abt the eyebrow tweezing part. ITS SO FRIKKIN PAIN TTM OKAY

srsly dont believe anyone who says its NOT pain IT IS OKAY.

zomgz i hated it so much i was squirming on the bed.

but i think im one of the few girls who havent had their brows done so NVM.

but my mom was so amazed at my complexion when i came out she thought i put like foundation on my face or sth.

then i said mom i think its cos im lacking in blood hahaha but she was so insistent cos apparently after my nap i still had a really fair complexion but i think its all the dead skin and what that was gone and i love it that its so smooth SO HAPPY hehe

but i will never go for a facial again i hate pain ):

and im still really amused by ming’s super duper excited reaction to my status on facebook haha double date next wed!

IMISSMYFRIENDS ):

I DO think the baby is drinking the blood! There is literally no other explanation. What you’ve got on your hands is a vampire baby. Your girlfriend has been having sex with a vampire. And I’m suspecting it’s a biracial baby, either half-black (if she got it on with Blacula or Count Chocula) or half-purple (if she got it on with The Count).

Just entering the latter part of my 40’s, I have begun to enter that newest phase of being a female.  My doctor calls this new phase “peri-menopausal”…  I don’t really know what “peri” means as a medical term, but in real life terms “peri” means… aggravating, bothersome, annoying, troublesome, vexing…I.E.: ”Fucking-pain-in-the-god–damn- ass”-pre-menopausal.

So let’s talk real… I’ve been having a period since I was 11.  Yes…early bloomer in so many wrong ways….  WTF ever…  So, for over 30 years, it’s been an inconvenient, yet predictable part of my life.  3-1/2 weeks go by, I get cramps for a day, bleed for 4 or 5 , and it’s a done deal for another 3-1/2 weeks.  But a couple years ago, things started changing a bit.  First, I started to decrease to just 3 or 4.  It continued to dwindle over the next few months until I was down to just over 2 days.  Woo-Hoo!!!  Who wouldn’t like that???  Eventually I was left with a day of cramps but no period to follow.  Not my favorite, but the no muss-no fuss aspect has its appeal.  Finally one day I was at the grocery store, passing by the tampon display, and realized I hadn’t restocked my supply in what seemed like a very long time…  Standing at the display, I counted backwards to the last time I’d needed them… Holy shit…it was nearly 6 months!!! 

Free at last – Free at last!  Fuck you Playtex & your God-damn labia pinching super-glide applicator!!!  They never once were a super glide… Fuck you Kotex & your God-damn pube pulling self-sticking panty shields!!!  And Fuck you OB & your God-damn strings that wick bodily fluids into the wearer’s underwear without absorbing a fucking drop!  I was a happy woman… I giggled and danced a little jig right there in the aisle…  causing the young man standing close by to move quickly away from me…  OMG…within a week, I had a freaking period…  NOT one of those 1 or 2 day MF’s either.  Apparently my uterus had not stopped doing its thing, just simply saving for a rainy day….  I had 3 days of cramps and 6 months worth of period over about a 9 day time span…   Mother Nature can be such a raving bitch…  Moving forward, I vowed a couple of things… I will only pass the feminine hygiene display if I need feminine hygiene products,  I will approach those product displays with only the deepest reverence and utmost respect…  Also, I will never again curse feminine hygiene product makers in public or private as I had learned my lesson…

Now for the past 6 months I’ve honored my vows, avoided the tampon aisle, been respectful etc. and my menstrual life has once again returned to uneventful.  The dwindling process resume and I went back to having periods that are sporadic, short-lived and sparse…   Life is good…but then I forgot… Shit!!!  While grocery shopping…  I must first point out and ask what genius’s idea it was to arrange the feminine hygiene products on the same aisle as coffee or deeply desired espresso… which for me, is a requirement of life as important to air and wine…  I decided it was silly of me to go all the way around the hygiene product aisle to get to the other end to get coffee, so I cut through… Dumb Ass…  Seeing the tampon & maxipad boxes all lined up, I again realized it had been some length of time since I’d needed to re-supply…  Outwardly I remained respectful & polite, inwardly, I must admit I had just the teensiest of  Ha Ha… moment…  That was all it took… you idiot!!!

The next day, Monday, I was sitting at my desk talking on the phone when, with absolutely no warning, I felt something go bluuurrp…you know…down there.  I knew immediately this was not good…  I finished the phone call and headed to the rest-room squeezing my you know what shut…  Oh My God!!!  It was bad…it was really really bad…  It looked like someone had bled a sacrificial goat into my underwear…  Was I wearing light-colored pants???  Did I even have to ask???  They were khakis of course…   Had it bled through my underwear into my pants???  Hello…of course!!!  Badly I wondered… Not too bad from the volume/area/stain size standpoint, however from a placement/location standpoint, it was fucking stellar…  Somehow, because of the way I was sitting, because of the way my pants fit, or because I fucking pissed off the Period Goddess again, I had managed to channel the flow forward so it made a big red blotch right at the base of my pant fly… It was only 10:00 am…

I cleaned up as best I could, & went looking in the bathroom cupboard for the supplies to catch any further leakage.  In the past, I always kept a small stash of tampons at work.  However it hasn’t been all that necessary for quite some time now, and I didn’t have anything…  Fortunately, one of my lovely 20-something year-old co-workers had a box of panty shields in the cupboard.  It was an emergency and I figured I could replace them later, so I opened her box, and learned a new thing…  Did you know they make panty shields for THONGS???  They’re normal width in the front, and taper to string width in the back…with wings…  Who knew and most importantly….WHY???  How fucking useless is that???  Being desperate, I made do…  I laid the first one in, front to back & then the second one, back to front so that together, they almost made one whole.  I made it through the rest of the morning by staying at my desk, or carrying papers, and file-folders in front of me.

At lunch, I zipped home where I scrubbed the spot from the crotch of my pants, and threw them in the dryer to dry.  Unfortunately…“the thong panty liners” didn’t stick very well to my “non-thong panties”…   Instead, they are curled, twisted and have attached themselves directly to my hairy lips… both right and left!!! Removing the liners gave me a free partial Brazilian job, as they ripped out thong shaped swaths of pubic hairs…  I took a quick shower and checked on my pants…  The stain had been transformed.  It was now a large ring around the whole crotch of my pants where they had been wetted when I scrubbed them.  I decided perhaps it was time for plan B…change pants, and just freaking deal if anybody asks why if they are stupid enough to not see the glaring eyes and flaring nostrils…

Night sweats, Insomnia, Hot Flashes, Moodiness, Irritability, Memory Lapses,  Brain-farts….all predicted, and all now accounted for. However, my friends, you left some stuff out.  Nobody bothered to tell me that walking down the tampon aisle at the grocery store will make your periods start. Nor did anyone say that after 30 plus years of practice in how to deal with having a period, that I’d suddenly become incompetent…  It makes me wonder what else was left out of the stories that I am yet to experience… it this some secret society you can only enter into thru trial by fire…well fuck you…  As for me, I am back to making sure I stay away from the feminine hygiene aisle, being respectful toward the patroness saints of the menses…  I’m hoping that will keep me relatively free of unpleasant surprises for the next bit-o-while.  I am passing this along for you 20 & 30 something’s so you have something to look forward too…

Ciao Bella… A Peri Sarah B…

Hello again blog. I kinda missed you but I’ve had nothing to write. No Ovulation, no period, no doctors appointments, not even a spike in my chart. That was until Tuesday when I started spotting. Wasn’t sure what it was because I was quite sure I hadn’t ovulated. It went on till yesterday and that evening the flood gates cracked open a little. So I guess this is a period… An anovulatory cycle (One where you don’t ovulate).

I’m quite glad I’ve at least had my period, waiting was making me cranky. It’s been 6 months. I was very tearful and emotional yesterday and still feel a bit glum today but it’s not so bad.

I’m going to check a little later I still have a light flow and then I’m going to start my action plan. Metformin, Agnus Castus, Baby asprin (which I have to take any way) and continuing my new low carb diet.

I reckon I’ve lost a couple of pounds already. Mainly by cutting out bread and potatoes. If I have cake or bread it needs to be full of fibre and/or fruit but I try not to have them too often.

My one treat is chocolate and I have a small bar, about 12g, every other day maybe. I’ve cut out most dairy though to try and curb the fat intake and increased veggie and fruit consumption. In fact I’ve eaten half a punnet of grapes nearly every day hehe. I love me some grapes.

Other than that I am getting ready for christmas and the impending birth of my Niece or Nephew. Luckily, since we haven’t spent too much time there I’ve not felt bad about it at all.

That’s good because I want to look forward to it not dread it.

Nov 17, 2009 A MAN who offered ‘teksi sapu’ (pirated taxi) services to Indonesian women in Butterworth would instead take them to a secluded place and ‘sapu’ them.

So far, four women have been his victims. They were raped and robbed of their valuables.

A fifth woman escaped his wrath as she was menstruating.

Police arrested a suspect at Bandar Sunway in Seberang Jaya on Monday following a tip-off.

Investigations revealed that the suspect had a local fiance and was supposed to get married in two weeks.

Police recovered a cellular phone and several pawnshop receipts from the suspect, Central Seberang Prai OCPD Asst Comm Dr Mohd Shah Hussin Shah said.

He told a press conference that the suspect hails from Bagan Lallang and was a charmer with woman.

Police are now investigating to determine if he was involved in similar cases in other districts.

The suspect has been remanded for four days.

On Sunday I got my period of course just in time for Monday.  I hate getting my period on Sunday or Monday wish we could decide when to get it.  I had to stop at CVS on my way to work and buy one of those disposable heating pad things.  I had it on all day and didn’t feel much heat coming from it until I went to the bathroom and saw red marks on my skin.  Forward to Thursday, I almost passed out on the way to work. It was a horrible experience it’s happen before during my period. Sucks!!!   So next month we’ll have to try again.

On December 7th, I have an appointment with a medical doctor to obtain medication to stop my period. Of course, as my (hopefully last) period arrived this last week, I was even more aware of it’s effect of my emotions and gender identity.
So, I’m going to start at the beginning of last week: pms time. My sex drive tanked as usual, and all sense of my current genitals as male genitals (which is how I generally identify with them) was lost. It’s a generally shaky experience, so I indulged in my pms-induced desire to move my furniture.
Further, my period starting withdraws me from even the mental state of being a man. Because of tampon logistics and my own mental aversion, I don’t pack while on my period. Additionally, it makes picking a restroom a slightly easier but still aggravating task- there is not choice. No little trash cans in those stalls.
Literally, something goes haywire hormonally during that point of the cycle. I look forward to stopping the cycle, so to speak, so I can focus on myself.

Damn the economy!! CNN is almost always on in the background and I just saw this laid-off pharmacist doing a 30-second pitch.

ARGH!!

Right now my goal is to become a pharmacist and omg is this a sign or something? I mean, he does live in Boston and he did say they have a couple of pharmacy schools there so it’s saturated in his city.

Man, I hope I’ll be alright. The guy also mentioned that he had always heard pharmacists always have jobs, no matter how bad it gets. That even during the depression, pharmacists still had a job.
Okay, I’m thinking this is just one of those special circumstances. He’s in a city saturated with pharmacists, and that could happen to anyone. Just as a company going out of business, or someone getting a head injury and not being able to function properly. Something like that, you know?

Well, I’m hoping that makes some amount of sense lol.

God, in other gayness, I need to get an A in philosophy and I need to get into Calculus for the winter session. Which… I should be reading a philosophy article. I did everything I could for calc. I just need to badger the teacher once classes start. I heard a lot of people drop calc, and that’s not because they’re not smart or anything. I could totally see myself dropping calc too, just because it IS rather hard and this IS a five week course.

Ugh. That’s not pleasant to think about, and it’s making me think of all the chem and physics I’ll have to take too. Not to mention applications and…

Boo.

All right, I’m giving myself until 12 PM to start reading philosophy. I’m thinking I’ll read one or two articles. Well, I want to split the reading up into two or three days, so whatever will fit that.

Yup.

- Okay, I have to comment on Susan Boyle because CNN just plugged her new album.

UGH okay? That’s all I have to say.

And I look like a liberal, CNN-loving girl, but I’m not, really. I watch FOX too, but FOX has a bit of an ugly interface so it’s kind of annoying (lol). And whereas both are biased, I’m more of a Democrat, so it makes sense CNN would be my channel of choice. I’m aware of its biases and everything, so I figure I’m okay. When they get too annoying, I switch to their opposition, and when THEY get too annoying, well, yeah.

OH god, I’m wearing a push-up (nothing remarkable, just a normal one from Victoria’s Secret) and I’m in pre-period state. As in my boobs have ballooned. SO my ladies are squished and overflowing and the bra is uncomfortableee.
Yeah. Should change.

So, today at school while reading some microeconomics, I was sitting with three girls. But on the other side of a small paper wall, was another one of my class mates. I was deep into reading about elastic and inelastic cost, when the guy on the other side comes peaking over the wall. “I have a question for the girls, if you dont mind” he says. “It might be a bit weird, but hear me out”. The girls just nod and say ok, their used to this guy, and he often have some weird questions. “When a girl have her period, does she like to shop then? Like, go out and shop a lot?”. The girls laugh, and wonder why the hell he’s thinking up a question like that. “Well… I just thought it would be optimal for a girl synchronize her period with when she gets her monthly scholarship”

The only thing I want right now (besides the obvious) is my period to show itself. Yes, you read that right. I WANT my period back, damnit.

Three mornings ago I fixed myself breakfast, a handful of chocolate chips. Sign number one.
Two mornings ago I woke up to half a dozen zits. Sign number two.
Yesterday I woke up and was pissy with the hub. Sign number three.
Today I’m just a fucking wreck. Crying over cheetos.

Right now, my period means everything to me. It means my body is going back to the way it used to be. It means I can start charting and figuring out this whole ovulation thing. It means we can start moving forward. Because without it, we can’t go forward. We can only wait and I really suck at waiting these days.

Today marks two months. Two months my entire life was flipped upside down. The only thing I want is some regularity, and my period was something that was so regular in my life. Month to month, it was always there.

Wow, a whole post about a period. Ain’t that some shit?

Panty shields up, Captain! We’re rebooting the Ovarian Operating System . . .

I know, the title of this blog alone makes you want to click fast and away. But I have to tell you a tale of consumer eco-angst removed from the simple and often expensive decision to buy local, organic products and food. But first, a little herstory . . .

There’s already been enough shame, secrecy, and taboo surrounding “that time of the month” and all the other fine euphemisms invented to be humourous or circumspect about the mystery of menstruation. There are countries where tampons weren’t and still aren’t sold because you’d have to “touch down there.” There are women who follow this practice willingly, even in forward thinking countries. They build huts and red tents and spas for this exact purpose. To wear pampers or to be pampered. Elsewhere.

But it’s moved beyond that to a place where we’re supposed to celebrate and “have a happy period,” a campaign from a company that stupidly chose their brand name to be “Always.” As in, “I’ll ALWAYS bleed, and I’ll ALWAYS wear these things.” At least Kotex, Tampex, and Playtex (all with –ex as a suffix to mean “out, from or away”) sound almost medical or medicinal. And it’s not ALL feminine hygiene, even wounded soldiers are prone to use a tampon (French for “plug” or “stopper”) to halt bullet wounds from weeping. “Always” doesn’t seem to imply medical or even chronic, instead, it implies a life sentence. Doesn’t your uterus protest? Well it should. War is hell and there’s a war in your drawers and the sick folks at Always were also responsible for aerodynamic pantyliners and pads. That’s right – they got your code red covered in homeland security and you can feel secure each month knowing there’s a little, white F-16 in your pants.

It’s not just a troubling war at home either . . . it’s covers many land masses and miles of ocean.

Spastic Plastic

Your average lady uses 16,800 tampons in her lifetime, that’s 250 to 300 pounds of tampons and applicators. Tag on a few thousand pads and panty liners, and your ecological footprint is looking more like Sasquatch. Of particular offense are the plastic applicators some tampons are encased in. They are casually tossed into wastebaskets where they later escape the curb trash or landfill, trotted off by animals, resurfacing in parking lots and playgrounds and a host of other locations you’d rather not see them appear.

They come back from the watery depths to haunt you, too.

Plastic tampon applicators from sewage outfalls are one of the most common forms of trash on beaches. Yeah, you thought food wrappers and glass bottles and needles were the only gross & hazardous materials washing out to sea and coming back in with the tides. You flush them and that’s just the beginning. For building owners, pads and tampons that are flushed down the toilet are the most common cause of plumbing problems. Further down the flow, they end up the sewage treatment plants and surf into a lake or onto a river, and on into the ocean where they pool with the rest of the plastic detritus at the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. There it all sits and breaks down into ever smaller particles until they are the size and color of plankton or worse, are pelletized high-density polyethylene (HDPE) white “nurdles” that resemble fish eggs or food to sea creatures. Then the birds and fish ingest these hormone disrupters and concentrated toxins like PCB and DDE and the circle of life gets a big kick in the nurdles.

But it’s not just the animals somewhat removed from you, you’re an animal too, and guess what it’s doing to you by directly inserting it? Your conventional feminine hygiene products contain a mixture of rayon and cotton. Rayon is in your blouses, dresses, lingerie, linings, scarves, suits, ties, hats, socks, the filling in Zippo lighters, blankets, window treatments, upholstery, tire cord, yarn and diapers. It’s highly absorbent but no good at retaining shape and as far as biodegradability goes, it’s a real loser. Most importantly, synthetic materials like the Rayon used in tampons show an increased risk of toxic shock syndrome (TSS), particularly for superabsorbent tampons. So if you’re a bleeder, you’re a feeder.

And sweet, white cotton isn’t much better up in there. Cotton is highly pesticide-intensive; 25% of pesticides used globally are devoted to growing cotton. To achieve that lily-white look, pads and tampons are bleached with chlorine, a process which creates dioxins, a known carcinogen and those bad boys shouldn’t be placed anywhere near your reproductive organs. And you swear you never smoked a cigar in your life. Especially in a donkey show.

Think Outside the (Tampon) Box

It’s getting easier to select tampons, pads, and panty liners made from organic, unbleached cotton which is cultivated without the use of pesticides, fungicides, herbicides, sewage sludge, irradiation, petrochemicals, or genetic engineering. All of which we now have think about when looking at the towering isle of soothing, pastel colors, reminding us that yes – we’ll be back out there swimming, riding ponies, surfing at the beach and smiling while playing miniature golf in NO time.

O.B. tampons: small box, no applicator. Compact, simple cellophane wrapper covering them, easy to use, and take up very little room in your purse. It is unfathomable, but some women simple aren’t down with getting that up close and personal with their own lady bits and maybe getting their finger a little spotty. Come on darlings – this is no time to be prim and squeamish. If you haven’t seen it in a mirror to understand how it goes together and pushed the buttons to see how it works, you don’t deserve to have sex and should just hang an “Out Of Order” sign over your girdle loop. Get over it. Get into it. It’s yours. Deal.

OG-style Tampax: wrapped in paper, cardboard applicator that breaks down relatively quickly if they happen to get loose in the environment. Preferable to the Pearl brand, which has an indestructible plastic applicator strong enough for shotgun shell casings and is then further wrapped in coated paper. Awesome. Go ahead. Try running them over with your car. You can’t destroy them. They’ll only get dirty . . . and more angry. That plastic rocket launcher is just one more wasteful obstacle between you and your nana. I don’t even want to go into the perfumed varieties. Now on top of your plastic fetish, you’re going to open a vapor-impermeable pouch and stick this vulcanized, alcohol soaked albino vampire into your hoo-ha where no one and nothing but your senseless cervix can smell it? Well it doesn’t work and now you smell of lightly talcumed meat. Fail. p.s. Talc is closely related to the potent carcinogen asbestos and talc particles have been shown to cause tumors in the ovaries and lungs of cancer victims. So hey – go easy on sprinkling the Johnson’s about your leaky basement. It’s a safety hazard. You’ll slip and fall. No need to announce “clean-up on aisle one.”

Natracare and Seventh Generation: chemical-free, non chlorine-bleached, simple packaging which means even less waste. Eco-conscious enough with all the key ingredient and disclaimers including no animal-testing and skin-tested only on fellow humans. You can sleep well in the knowledge that no bunnies had to hop about with a maxi pad strapped to their fluffy bums and instead, some nice lady in a lab got itchy a few times. This is still within the normal scope of your monthly cycle.

Jade and Pearl Sea Sponge: natural tampons inspired by the traditional use of sponges by menstruating women of ancient times. So if you want to bleed like Cleopatra, this is your bag. The Egyptians invented the tampon too – so you can thank them for that little wonder. Sea sponges are available in Teenie, Regular, and Large and you precision(?) fit to size by trimming the sea sponge and experimenting with insertion. Wow. Try not to think about doing dishes or wiping counters or a nice hot sponge bath because really, I can’t see how this is either sanitary OR relaxing. So Sally, if you’re worried about sullying up the seashore, (welcome to my new menstrual tongue twister) this is all the rage amongst mythological aquatic creatures. Apparently, sea sponges are what mermaids use.

Menstrual Cups – i.e.: Diva cup, Mooncup, Instead Softcup, Lunette, Keepercup, LadyCup, Femmecup, Miacup: Ok. Here’s where I drawn the line. This ain’t a Dixie Cup, or a Sippie Cup, a Tommee Tippee Cup or an Ice Cream Cup. This is none of those fun, sweet, childlike associations. But I trust you probably got over that the first time you sprung a leak and wrecked your favorite Underroos or your expensive lingerie for failing to count the days. Maybe I just haven’t been brave enough to go with a new, miserable experience, but let me get this straight . . . i fold a plastic, rubbery cup into a jelly roll, insert this, it pops open like a tulip, i “stir” it around to make sure the umbrella’s been fully deployed, which may take some coaxing and pushing and twisting, and then I pull it out by its dangling tail at intervals, wash it and reinsert it like tiny, portable Tupper Ware?!?!

Oh, hell no!

i am not about to wash my snatch basket in the sink (and carry special, mild, perfume-free, hypo-allergenic fem soap) in between classes or you know, when i take a restroom break to freshen up while out to dinner. i mean, how does one do this discreetly? Oh, and once a month, i get the distinct displeasure of a 5-minute boil for my little traveling jellyfish at the end of the cycle in some dedicated kitchen equipment that never sees food. Or, hey, i can use rubbing alcohol (and not hydrogen peroxide) to sterilize it. But I have to be extremely careful not to soak it too long and allow it to dry completely and not degrade the integrity of the plastic and rinse the residue so I don’t fuck up my vaginal pH.

O.B. tampons sounding better all the time, huh? Can you imagine wringing out your sea sponge? Wouldn’t you rather “touch it” now?

Go With The Flow

There was a time when i worked at a place so uptight, they wouldn’t allow the female staff to carry in a purse. Whether this was for security or to keep outside worldly distractions such as cell phones to a minimum was unclear, but the idea completely incensed my friend Nicole.

“What?” she snapped. “Where are you supposed to carry your tampons, up your ass?”

i explained to her how bad the work environment sucked and how tension and impossible precision reigned, thus, the topic of anal retention seemed a very fitting description. The job had me so upset, i couldn’t poop for a week. Then i quit.

And many light flow days from then, here i was on a Wednesday nite, standing there in the supermarket isle, paralyzed by too many choices and horrible, far-reaching consequences of those attempts at informed decision. There i was: hungry, cranky, wanting ice cream and a heating pad at the same time, thinking about plumbing, and ocean waters and marine life and cancer of the Yoni.

i turn to the woman next to me who is clicking and sucking at her teeth in audible consternation, just like me, and we both smile nervously, amazed at the mini internal crisis over what we’re going to buy. Neither of us will move first, both seem to be wondering how the other will select, looking for a brave trend to follow. Somehow, there’s a preposterous sense of worry over being judged, like bringing a film or a music cd or a book to the checkout clerk, the fear of choosing poorly, unwisely, without taste or sensibilities. “Hmmm,” she says. “Yeahhhhh,” I mutter slowly and drawn out. And we both start giggling.

My cup of joy is overflowing

I consider my internal flowchart for assessing absorbency needs:

junior – aww, isn’t that cute, you inked!

light – Miss Kitty has a nose bleed.

regular – oh, yay. my period’s back.

super – omg that’s a lot of blood.

super plus – jesus, maybe you should go to the hospital!

ultra – uhh, i think that blood clot just asked for a cigarette.

i am looking for regular. Just something in between, just a few tampons, a starter pack, a holdover since i don’t see any of my normal go-tos. And all they have is “a mere scratch” or “Carrie – Prom Scene.”

So i think of the dolphins and the salmon and the seabirds and i grab the 10-pack with the small, recyclable cardboard box and no applicator with the green looking package and eco-claims to fame and the woman next to me does the same. Just enough to soldier on.

It’s all i can do, really. If i don’t want to leave with anymore acronyms. Say, add PTSD to my PMS. Christ Almighty in a hybrid – i can’t even BLEED with out feeling guilty about it in my new sustainable world concept! i leave with my chlorine-free, biodegradable, non-applicator, no plastic, rayon-free tampons and my razors (which are free from animal testing) and a pint of, yes, sorry, blood orange sorbet, and it’s a good thing. While i’m happily eating my cool treat, i don’t need to imagine poor, naked bunnies hopping around with razor burn and nicks with only a maxi-pad to keep them warm. And after all this guilt, i just want to sandwich a washcloth and tuck it in my drawers or just sit on a sock and call it good.

Museum of Menstruation and Women’s Health

for all your bleeding needs . . .

        In present days, there are 3 periods in Japan; from April to July as first semester, from September to December as second semester, and from January to March as third semester, and long vacations are set between each semesters, called “Summer vacation”, ”Winter vacation”, and “Spring vacation.” It’s the typical period in Japan, but these days, it tends to be changed into 2 periods, spring semester from April to July and autumn semester from September to March because of the falling of students’ school record, and the movement has been generally spread among some Japanese schools.

        Comparing to German one, most vacations and the number of class that students have to take are totally decided by Fundamental Act of Education. Therefore, there is little difference.

        The following time chart shows you the period of Japanese education briefly.

         One of Japanese interesting point is between Middle school and High school. Though secondary education is from Middle school to High school, but the compulsory education is finished at the end of Middle school. After Middle school, students have to choose high school where they want to go or get a job. After graduating from high school, some student go to university and others get a job.

Often I write without use of rhyme, never do I write without reason. To write without reason is the equivalent of giving to charity under the guise of altruism– it just doesn’t happen. Just because what you pay out dwarfs what you receive in return doesn’t negate anything, it only hides it.

The phrase, rhyme or reason, in its various contexts, has always intrigued me. Not that I intend to solve some great mystery of the English language, or even that I really care what it really means or where it actually came from, but it is a source of wonder. I’ve determined that the phrase is a Romantic notion, and by Romantic I don’t mean giving flowers, sappy sweet, sweep your girl off her feet, rather that it comes from the period of Romanticism in Poetry. That can be misleading as well since not all Romantic Poets used rhyme in every Poem, but I digress. The Romantic movement in Poetry was an extension of the Enlightenment, also known as the Age of Reason. Rhyme and Reason. One is a very effective, but no so clever mnemonic device, the other has no universal appeal. My determination is neither clever nor universal.

I write because that is what happens when I sit down in front of a keyboard. The cursor calls to me. It flashes hypnotically on the screen waiting to dash my next grand idea. My notebook is a little less discreet– there I am allowed to write my idea in all its original brilliance, without judgment, without error, only to later discover that I can’t decipher what I wrote. The scribbles transform my idea into something less brilliant, something judged more harshly.

Sometimes the hardest part of writing is inserting a period when you’d like to use a comma.

Sometimes the trickiest part of writing is knowing where to put the period.

© n17XI Vagabond Lit

I’ve only been engaged a week. There’s no destination picked out. No date. No guest list. However, I had the sudden realization last night, as I sat there hunched over with cramps, that there is no godamm way I am getting married with my period…

How do I plan that?! Why is this not in any books? I seriously need a Period Tracker…