Tonight was the first night in almost two years, where I do not have to think about studying. I feel like Morgan Freeman, when he is finally released from Shawshank. But unlike Morgan, my freedom doesn’t come with a parole officer. Last night I found out I passed my Certified Public Accountant (CPA) exam. It took me a little under two years to pass the four tests. I only passed one test on the first try. I failed two of the tests once each. And this final test, I passed on my third try. Each test took me about 2 months of studying.

This has been my greatest test so far in perseverance. With a business background, most people have the intelligence to pass the CPA exam. The key to passing is the same as being decent at sports or playing an instrument. You have to constantly practice. The easy part is opening the book. The hard part is opening it almost every night, for 2-3 hours, for 2 months straight.

I’m hoping now I can shift this energy to bettering myself as an investor. No one has to be the most intelligent, well-spoken, or professional person to succeed in business. But, as an entrepreneur, you have to be persistent, fail over and over again, and try to gain a little something from each failure. I’m hope I can fail enough times in real estate to call myself a success. And maybe have a little fun along the way.

“Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits.” ~Robert Louis Stevenson

- Pete, New Haven Homes LLC

Facebook fanpage – http://www.facebook.com/newhavenhomes

Preferred Buyer List sign-up site for investor deals – http://www.wesellnewhavenhomes.com/

Some questions have no answers, so when one persistently asks those questions, will persistently get no answers

I have five kids. The youngest is in the 7th grade, one is in the 10th grade and three are in college. While they are all old enough to read for themselves now, there was a time where they loved to be read to.

One of the books that most kids love to look thru are among the famous “Where’s Waldo?” collection. Each page has a collection of characters painted into a scene. Waldo creator Martin Handford assures us that Waldo can be found on each page. You just have to be persistent in your search.

I was thinking about this concept the other day, and I began to realize that ACN is a lot like the Waldo concept. When we launch a new rep and ask them to put together their list of a hundred contacts, there are Team Coordinators and RVPs (Waldos) on every page. We just have to be persistent in our search.

The next time you go thru a bookstore, take a minute to flip thru a Waldo book. You’ll see that on the first few pages, Waldo may be relatively easy to find. As you advance thru the book however, Waldo becomes increasingly more difficult to find. He’s there alright. You just have to be persistent and thorough.

Anaheim is tomorrow. Off to pick up my name badge in a minute.

I was working as a restaurant hostess, when this guy came up to me and said that he wouldn’t stop bothering me unless I gave him my number.

I read this book just couple or days ago, and still feel thrilled due to the information that I got from this book.
I can’t wait to share with you all what I got from the book.

The book called “The Three Laws Of Performance” The authors are Steve Zaffron who is CEO of Vanto Group, an organizational performance consultancy, and a board member of Landmark Education. Dave Logan, Ph.D., co-founder of the CultureSync consultancy.

The chapter that I wanna share is about How A Situation Occurs Arises in Language.
This law focuses on the importance of understanding how people communicate beyond the spoken word. Body language, facial expressions and voice inflections mean as much as words. Individuals can say one thing but transmit an entirely different message through what they leave unsaid. Dysfunction is guaranteed when groups of co-workers refuse to speak or deal honestly with each other – or management – and swallow their feelings.

Opening the lines of communication doesn’t mean spouting off and expressing every thought in your head. It means speaking frankly about your concerns and discussing issues that affect performance. Bottling up your thoughts creates disorder and leaves no space for new ways of thinking. “Clearing out the clutter” is one way to open the door to better performance. Learning to identify “rackets” is another gateway to interpreting language and improving communication. Rackets are negative behavioral patterns that typically have four components:

1. A persistent complaint – “Bob never gets his assignments completed on time.”

2. A reaction – The complainer gets exasperated at the grievance or withdraws.

3. A continual “payoff” – The complainer benefits from feeling superior.

4. An emotional cost of racket behavior – Everyone is unhappy and relationships erode in the face of criticism and contention.

People engaged in rackets pretend that everything is fine when actually they lack closeness and amaraderie. Usually, people cannot identify the payoff and cost of a racket. They sense a threat, so they try to protect their territory and maintain control.

They feel they must always be right and they avoid any steps that could shift power to others. To eliminate rackets, voice the unsaid. People must examine the past and reframe the “game” to move ahead.

Read More About The Three Laws of Performance: Rewriting the Future of Your Organization and Your Life (J-B Warren Bennis Series)

Secrets pile up underneath my skin,

In this game of tug-o-war,

No one will ever win.

I need the perfect lie,

But I can’t even begin to try.

Thoughts back-up my very existence,

This one nagging thought is very persistent.

A tiring fight that’ll surely never end,

The question is;

How many times will it make me twist and bend?

Am I willing to spend the rest of my life,

In an endless battle?

One thats rarely won,

One that turns out fatal?

Harold Sherman quite awhile ago wrote a book entitled How To Turn Failure Into Success.  In it he gives a “Code of Persistence.”  If you have a tendency to give up too easily, write this down and read it daily.

1.  I will never give up so long as I know I am right.

2.  I will believe that all things will work out for me if I hang on until the end.

3.  I will be courageous and undismayed in the face of odds.

4.  I will not permit anyone to intimidate me or deter me from my goals.

5.  I will fight to overcome all physical handicaps and setbacks.

6.  I will try again and again and yet again to accomplish what I desire.

7.  I will take a new faith and resolution from the knowledge that all successful men and women had to fight defeat and adversity.

8.  I will never surrender to discouragement or despair no matter what seeming obstacles may confront me.

These are great maxims to live by. They can help a person to reach wonderful goals.  These personal declarations can help a person overcome all obstacles in order to be successful in life.  And success is good.  It can be not only personally rewarding but also God-honoring and God-glorifying.

Fall Rosehips In Turtle River State Park, North Dakota 2005 ©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2009)

Yet, for the Christian, there is another maxim for success that must not be forgotten in regards to persistence.  It is more important than any of these in Harold Sherman’s list.  We find it over and over again lived out in the lives of people portrayed for us in Scripture.

For example, Joshua was reminded of it when he had to take over the leadership position vacated by Moses and lead Israel into the Promise Land.  The maxim that Joshua needed to take with him to be successful was that the strength to be persistent until success lies in the knowledge that God is with you.  As long as Joshua acted upon that truth and led others by it, he could not fail.

God’s promise to Joshua was very simple, “Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  This is a powerful truth to take to heart and live by everyday as we seek to accomplish great things.  God has promised His presence wherever his people go in service to him.  Every believer in Jesus can draw strength and take courage in the knowledge that the Lord God is with us and will help us.  So, don’t give up too easily!

Jesus gave his closest followers a similar promise that is passed down to us.  After commanding them to make disciples for him in the entire world, he promised, “I will always be with you, even to the end of time!”  As they went out into the world to do their work and live their lives, they were to take strength and comfort from Jesus’ promise that he would always be with them wherever they went.

Jesus’ promise to his obedient followers did not come with an expiration date.  It is a promise that continues down to our time and place.  We also are to take the same strength and courage from Jesus’ promise.  His presence encourages us and strengthens us to be persistent in our daily battles.

When we give up, we are essentially saying back to God, “I don’t believe your promise.  I don’t believe that you are really present with me in this situation.  I don’t believe that you want me to succeed.”  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  God does not fail in the promises he makes.

We win in the end because he will see us through until we are successful.  This does not mean the absence of temporary failures or set backs.  It does not mean we will not face obstacles and trials.  There will be challenges.  We will have to fight some battles.  Nevertheless, if we remain persistent like Harold Sherman suggests and never let go of our confidence in God’s promise to always be with us and lead us, we will finish successfully.

So, whatever you are faced with, hang in there.  Do not give up.  Remain persistent at what you know you need to do and you will be successful.  Remind yourself daily that God is present in your life and leading you as you trust and follow him.  You will win your battles and be victorious.

©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2009)

Lessons learned from this date:

1)       If you have a gut instinct that someone is not for you while you are talking to them on the phone, do not ask them to visit (even if your tendency is to give everyone a chance!)

2)      If someone is illegal, do not date them.

3)      Humbleness is a wonderful and desired quality.

4)      Someone who yells in their everyday conversation is too uptight and high strung to have a peaceful relationship.

5)      If someone won’t stop calling you and harassing you….who cares, do not entertain their craziness…leave them alone!

6)      24-hour dates are not recommended!

7)      Corn Mazes do not suffocate people.

8)      Do not make someone who limps walk 3+ miles!

9)      Do not run errands for your date during your actual date.

10)   If your date insists on going into a Sprint store, ditch him and leave him there.

11)    Burning CDs for someone is not an excuse to allow them to come to your house.

12)   If someone begs, do not give in.

13)   If there are 10 yogurt on sale for $5 and you only want 1…. Only buy 1!

14)   Fried chicken & Mikes Cranberry are not ideal meals for a first date.

15)   If someone falls asleep on your couch, it does not mean that they have earned the right to spend the night. Kick them out!! It’s your house!

16)   If you feel like you have to lock yourself in your bedroom with your purse and keys in order for a certain person to sleep in your living room…..then they should not be sleeping there! They should go home!

17)   If someone wants copies of your music, they should and can burn their own CDs.

18)   Do not make breakfast for someone who has forced you to burn 6 CDs!

19)   Do not let past relationships determine your actions during a date.

20)  If you have even 5 red flags during your date, end the date. Do not wait for 20 red flags!

(I broke this section up into chapters for easier navigation!)

Phone Conversations:

“Je n’ai pas de status”.  After I heard this answer [I'm illegal basically]… something inside me decided that I was going to hate this guy, Mr. Milwaukee.  He seemed decent before, but after that sentence….well, after that, I seemed to be annoyed by everything that came out of his mouth.   ….”You are illegal; you are my husband’s third cousin”, my mind kept repeating.  I wanted to give him a chance.  Maybe he was a really great guy.

Mr. Milwaukee [Mr. M.] told me that he’d been in the country 12 years. He then went on to say how he hated non-educated, ignorant people…. and that he believed in education and wouldn’t stop ’til he got his PhD.  Ok, back up…. you’re not stopping until you get your PhD, but you don’t have a Masters and haven’t been in school for the last 8 years?  Don’t you have to have started something if you are going to talk about stopping it?  What are you waiting for??  Don’t give lectures if you don’t practice what you preach.

Next, Mr. M moved onto a lecture about his volleyball league.  Apparently, it’s a competitive league where you buy uniforms and win money if you’re good.  “I’m good, but all the other guys on my team…….. You shouldn’t join a competitive league if you’re no good”!   The volleyball conversation moved into a conversation about photography.  I had previously sent him a link to look at my photos that I had been exhibiting in art shows.  Apparently, looking at my photos made him remember that he had taken some great photos of leaves.  “You know, if you can sell those photos posted on your site, then I should definitely send you the digital files of my leaf pictures.  You could post them on your website and you would definitely make tons of money selling those!!” He didn’t appear very humble and people who are humble are very attractive to me J

When our conversation ended, I had a headache from the volume of his voice and I was tired of listening to his ego trip. I made up my mind that I definitely was not going to talk to him again! Mr. M texted, he called, he emailed….. I simply didn’t respond.  I think not responding is easier. It’s not necessarily the most adult thing to do. I should just pick up the phone and say, “You know what, I am just not interested”.   I don’t know what’s so hard about that..??   I don’t like confrontation, so maybe I’m just trying to avoid possible confrontation??  I think I need to work on that.

Previous History From a Few Years Back:

I also remembered something quite ironic.  Back when I was living in Ecuador, all of my students had Hi5 accounts (similar to Facebook) and they convinced me to open an account. When I did, a man from Milwaukee had written me saying he wanted to get to know me. I wrote back and forth with him a few times and then stopped communicating when I closed my Hi5 account. I got too many harassing emails from people I didn’t know … as well as my students… decided it was better to just close my account and not have to deal with it.  Hi5 was way too much drama for me.  My students didn’t get why I closed it….. they complained…..but it was better in the long run! Anyway, when I did a Google search on Mr. M (which, I’m ashamed to admit, is usually what I do with all my dates…….better to find out if they’re a psycho killer or ex-felon beforehand!!)  I found a Hi5 account that came up that came up in my Google search.  Well…..what do you know…..it was the same guy that had written me on my Hi5 account back while I was living in Ecuador.  Small world man, small world!!

He Won’t Stop Calling:

Mr. M continued trying to communicate with me.  Couldn’t he just take a hint?  Finally, I decided it was time to respond.  I emailed back and told him that because I had already completed immigration paperwork for two Senegalese people, I was not in any way, shape or form ready to do it for a third.  I said that it didn’t really matter if there was chemistry or not…..filing paperwork for another illegal immigrant was not even an option.  He wrote back and pleaded with me, “Can I please call you and tell you what I am feeling? You don’t have to say anything at all, just please give me the opportunity to speak my two cents”.  Ok, if he is going to plead like that… I guess I can at least listen to him (although I doubt it’s going to change anything.)

Mr. M called that evening and went on for what seemed like forever.  He kept repeating how he would never use me for immigration paperwork.  He snapped, “I’ve been in this country for twelve years! If I wanted to marry someone just to stay here, I would have done it by now!! But I haven’t!  If you just give me a chance, you might find out that your life would be so much better with me in it”!   To be honest, no matter what he said to me, I still had this little voice in the back of my head saying, “Don’t forget the last time that you had to file paperwork….immigration had it out for you and treated you so bad that they made you forget you own telephone number!! Do you really want to go through that again? No way”!    I understand that immigration was just doing their job.  They have to make sure that people are not abusing the system and getting married just to stay in the country.  I get that and I understand their strict questioning tactics were simply to be sure that I was not one of those abusers.  However, it was a traumatic experience that I would not wish one anyone else, let alone go through it again myself!

A Visit to St Paul:

Mr. M wouldn’t stop reassuring me that he was going to be the difference in my life….supposedly my life would turn around as soon as he was part of it. Although I highly doubted this, I decided….what the hell; I would give him a chance.  I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  [Although now, looking back, I know that I should have trusted my gut instinct and stopped it right there.]  Mr. M drove to St. Paul on a Friday night and stayed with a friend of his who also lived in St Paul. We planned on getting together Saturday morning.  He texted me when he arrived on Friday to let me know that he made it safely.  He also stressed that if I changed my mind and decided I wanted to meet him on Friday night, he was available!!  (That would be smart, a 2-day date! Two days of torture if we don’t get along!)  I assumed Saturday morning meant that we would get together at 1 0r 2 o’clock. I had my doubts about this guy and would prefer to meet for a few hours and see what he was like.  If things were great, then we could extend the date or meet again on Sunday before he drove home to Milwaukee.  If not, then we could end the date at 5 and get on with our lives.

At 2:00pm I went to pick Mr. M up in my car. I thought it would be easier for him since he didn’t know the area.  On my way to pick him up, he sent me a text. “Will I get to see your house”?  What kind of question was that?  We didn’t make plans for him to come to my house….and on top of that, I hadn’t cleaned!!! My place was a mess!  I responded to him and said, “My place is a mess… no one is coming over”!  He replied back and said that he didn’t care if it was a mess.  This date hadn’t even started and it was already looking bad!!!   What kind of guy asks if he’s going to see your house the first time he meets you?  I was starting to worry. When I arrived at Mr. M’s  friend’s house, someone came out of the front door…..kind of looked like Mr. M’s profile picture and I assumed it was him.  The guy looked at me and said, “He’s coming out”.  Since I thought the guy standing there was Mr. M himself, I responded, “Who’s coming out”?  (Stupid me….I should have assumed the guy standing there wasn’t my date…..maybe I should actually think before I talk!)  The guy on the steps was actually pretty good-looking.  I got out of my car and walked up to him to introduce myself.  I shook his hand and, once I heard him speak, I deduced from his accent that he also spoke French.  It shocked him quite a bit when I finished off the rest of our conversation in French. 

Mr. M Gets In My Car:

Mr. M came out the door with a night bag over his shoulder and a Bath and Body Works gift bag in his free hand.  Before I had a chance to ask what the night bag was for, he handed me the B&B Works bag and said it was for me. Well, that was definitely nice of him.  He gave me a hug….. as he approached I looked closer at his face.  He was a larger man… face was rough and stern….. not a lot of positive, happy energy beaming from him.  He wasn’t the typical kind of man that I find myself attracted to… kind of wished I was going on a date with his friend J  As we headed toward the car, his friend casually whispered to him, “If you don’t make it back tonight, that’s fine. We will be here tomorrow”.  He mumbled quietly in French so I don’t think he thought I would catch it.  Well I did…..obviously they both thought that he would be spending the night at my house, Oh no!

Mr. M got into my car and looked at me smiling as we drove away.  I wasn’t sure exactly what we were going to spend our time doing, but I did my research and came up with a few possible options.  We could go through the giant corn maze located down by Valleyfair, take a walk around Lake Calhoun or just go someplace to eat.  Before I had a chance to volunteer these options, Mr. M informed me that he had been up since 6am waiting for my phone call.  6:00 am, are you serious?!  What kind of date even starts at 8 or 9am……..did he assume that we were going to spend 15+ hours straight hanging out?  That seems a little excessive, even if the date is going super well….doesn’t it?  He then went on to explain that since I said we would get together Saturday morning…… he had assumed this meant very early.  Up at 6am waiting for my call? This still baffles me…maybe this guy was a little off his rocker!  In addition to being a little off, Mr. M had a problem with the volume of his voice that made me very uncomfortable.  He was talking as if I was 30 feet away and I was sitting right next to him in the car! I hoped he wasn’t going to spend the whole day talking at this volume….I was already developing a headache L

No to the Corn Maze:

I asked if Mr. M wanted to go check out the corn maze…… what a fun first date! I was excited about the idea…..navigating as a team through an unending maze of corn in the shape of a pirate ship.  Every year the maze creators pick a different theme and this year happened to be Pirates of the Caribbean.  Mr. M looked at me like I was a loon and said, “No way! I would suffocate in a corn maze”!  I explained that it was designed for people to walk through it and there would be no suffocation involved.   What am I going to do….bring him to some place where he is going to suffocate and die? Weirdo!  He still said he had no desire to go.  Not very open to trying new things….strike in my book.  I suggested we go get something to eat and he replied, “No, I don’t want to eat. I’m not hungry”.  I asked him several times what he wanted to do and he kept telling me that it was my city and he was the guest ….so I should decide. How was I supposed to decide if everything I offered he was opposed to!? I offered one last option….let’s go walk around the lake. He seemed to be ok with that so we headed to Lake Calhoun.

A Walk Around Lake Calhoun:

I parked the car on a side street and we both got out started walking toward the pedestrian path.  I noticed that Mr. M was limping severely……why did he say walking around the lake was a good idea if he had a sore leg?  I felt terrible! I said to him, “If your leg is hurt, we can do something else. I don’t have my heart set on walking….I’m open to whatever”!  He said in a grumpy voice, “No, I want to walk.  I don’t have a sore leg. When I was 15 I had leg surgery in Dakar [Senegal] and the doctor messed it up and made one of my legs shorter than the other. I always walk like this because of that doctor”.   Now I felt bad that I even brought it up!  Maybe it was a very sensitive issue for him.  As we started to walk around the lake, Mr. M limping next to me, I tried not to walk too fast so that it wouldn’t be uncomfortable for him.  He started talking about all of the things that he would have been if the doctor hadn’t made a mistake with his leg surgery. “If the doctor didn’t mess me up, I would be a famous soccer player right now”!  How did he know he would be a famous soccer player based on how he played at the age of 15? He listed a whole slew of things from an Olympic runner to a famous soccer player to a world renowned cyclist and volleyball player.  I felt bad….this guy is 37 years old and he is saying basically that his entire life is a failure because of a surgery that happened when he was 15.  How sad…. That was 22 years ago……he needs to get over it and move on with his life! He can’t succeed in the future if he is always holding on to this.

Negativity seemed to be the theme the entire way around the like….which unfortunately was just over three miles!  I honestly did feel bad for him. However, 3+ miles wallowing in the past was not my idea of a perfect first date.   Mr. M was trying so hard to walk fast to impress me ….walking so fast that he stepped off the sidewalk, tripped and rolled his ankle.  The man behind us nearly ran into him as he was tripping and mumbled something under his breath. I couldn’t make out what he said, but there was definite anger in the tone of his voice.  I suggested we stop for a while, but Mr. M said if we stopped his leg would cramp up and start hurting and he wouldn’t be able to finish. (He should have just told me at the beginning that he couldn’t do that distance with his leg!! I get the whole male-ego thing, but give me a break……why would he want to torture himself like that?   If he didn’t want to admit that he couldn’t go that far, maybe he should’ve gotten around it by suggesting we do something else!  After we had made it around the lake and as we were getting into the car, he said, “I thought we were just going to walk for 10 minutes and then go do something else”!   What kind of walk is 10 minutes long?  I kept thinking that I would feel so much better when this date was over….not to mention the building headache that I had from the volume of his voice projecting directly in my right ear!!

Dinner at Big Bowl:

We got into the car and I suggested we go eat.  This seemed to make Mr. M happy.  I suggested Thai food at Big Bowl and he said it sounded good.  On the way there, he said that he needed to go to a Sprint store.  He explained that he had a 25% off coupon that was only good through that night.  “There’s this blue tooth ear piece that I need and I want to use this coupon to get it“!  There was a Sprint store on the way to the restaurant so I figured it wouldn’t do any harm to stop. I said I would wait in the car while he did his thing.  I could use a little nap anyway. He came out 30 minutes later and said that the blue tooth ear piece was more expensive in MN than in WI…..he said, “It doesn’t matter anyway because I get these coupons every month. I’ll just wait until I get another one and then go get the ear piece. However, I need them to do an update on my phone. We have to go back in an hour to pick it up“.    Wait a minute….so we are on a first date and you want me to run around doing your errands for you?  And you have the nerve to say you need to go to pick up the earpiece before you coupon expires…..and you get a new coupon every month? So you really didn’t need to stop anywhere but just wanted to waste my time?  I was not very happy at this point.  I didn’t feel respected with the way that he was ordering me around.

We ordered our food at Big Bowl and started eating. I used chopsticks and he asked for a fork (although he assured me that he was very good with chopsticks!) He spent most of his time making googly-eyes at the little girl peaking over the bench behind us. (That little girl shot a rubber band at my shoulder….how could she be 4 years old and capable of shooting a rubber band like that? Ouch!)  Mr. M’s voice was still so loud …. the entire restaurant could hear our conversation!  A loud voice like that is not something that I enjoy or even that I can learn to deal with.   I tried not to talk much just so I could avoid listening to his voice (and so everyone else could avoid listening to it as well!)  We finished at the restaurant and he  paid the bill.  I thanked him for paying (after he pointed out that he left a tip that was over 20%…how gracious of him) and then we headed back to the Sprint store to pick up his phone.

An Evening at My House:

After picking up his phone, I said, “OK, now to your friend’s house”.   Mr. M looked at me and said, “I thought we were going to your house”!  Did I not tell you that my house was messy and you weren’t in any way shape or form going there……what do you mean you thought you were coming to my house?  He then started begging, “Please let me come over….I brought all these blank CDs and I want to burn a bunch of your salsa music.  I don’t care if your house is messy, I really want to just go and burn music and then we can leave”.   He wouldn’t stop begging…..must of went on for at least ten minutes.  Finally, I snapped, “Ok, fine….we can go burn CDs”.   This guy may be coming to my house, but I don’t want him to remember how we got there.  I started driving….right….left….back around the corner….right, left…. left, right….ok, I think he is completely disoriented.  He may have been good with remembering directions…. I don’t know…. but after my backwards way of getting home, I don’t think he could ever find his way back J

We arrived at my house and, once inside, Mr. M plopped down on the couch.  I was so embarrassed that I didn’t have a chance to clean.  My place was a sty! How did he talk me into this?  I turned on the computer, opened my ITunes and said, “There you go, you’re free to download whatever you need“.   He looked at me like I had just said a joke! “I don’t know your music. You go through it, pick songs that are good and burn them for me”.  He then turned on the TV and started watching.  I looked at the bag of CDs that he brought….there were 6 of them here! “Do you really want 6 CDs of music”?   “Yes, of course”, he replied.  In my head I mumbled…..yes, of course….cause I have all this time to sit around and make you CDs…….it’s not even like this date is going well and I want to make them for you.  I don’t even want to!  (I felt like I was mouthing off to my mother…in my head.)  As he watched TV, I started making CDs.  Sometimes I am just too nice of a person!!!! I need to work on that.  I admire those people that can stand up for themselves.

Food From Rainbow:

After the 2nd CD, I looked over and Mr. M was sleeping…..it was 9pm.  How much do you want to bet this guy intends on sleeping on my couch overnight!? After I finished the 3rd CD, I woke him up and said that I got all the good songs onto 3 CDs.  “You’re only making 3?? I brought you 6″??  I said, “Ok,  fine, I’ll make the rest”!   He then became apologetic and told me not to worry about it, that 3 was enough.   Next, he started talking about how he wanted to go salsa dancing, but said he needed something to eat in his stomach right away or he would never last.  It was 10:30 pm.  “You got a Jimmy Johns around here”? he said.  “Not one that is open at 10:30″…..I replied.   “What kind of city is this that you don’t have a Jimmy Johns open now”?  He said.   I replied, “If you want something to eat, we’ll just run to the grocery store”.

Once we entered inside the Rainbow Foods, it seemed like he wanted to look at everything!!! Did we come here to inventory the store or just to pick up something quick to eat?  By this point, I was beyond annoyed with this guy. Who did he think he was?? And how could he assume that I would chauffeur him around the city to wherever he wanted?  He looked through the sandwiches, the pizzas, the fried chicken, back to the pizzas, back to the sandwiches, then went on a survey of the juice aisle to examine every type of juice available. “They don’t have all these juices in Milwaukee….wow, if I had this store where I live….look at this….passion fruit, coconut juice…..if only I had this store where I lived”!   I just wanted him to get something to eat already!  As we passed the yogurt section, I grabbed a yogurt.  Mr. M said, “Wait, they’re 10 for $5….why are you only getting 1? You’re wasting your money if you get just one”!!  “Maybe I don’t want ten yogurts”, I blurted out in an annoyed voice.  He headed back over to the chicken and picked 2 kinds of fried chicken.  He informed me that I was going to be helping him eat it…… I don’t like fried chicken and will not be helping you I thought to myself!

After deciding on chicken, he headed to the alcohol section. Are you serious….this guy wants to drink now too?  He definitely wasn’t planning on going home tonight…..why didn’t I just tell him to leave….or push him into my car and drive away?! After all, I was the one driving! He picked up a pack of Mikes Cranberry and headed to the check-out.  At least we were leaving now…a step in the right direction! I don’t mean to sound extra negative here and I always give my dates a chance, but this guy was just too much!  In the car, I asked him why he always talked so loud and he said to me, “My dad talked like this and I talk like this….it’s how I talk…..loud and confident…that’s me”.   I told him that I could understand what he was saying, but that it wasn’t necessary to be so loud when someone was sitting right next to him!

Sleeping on the Couch:

We arrived back at my apartment and he grabbed a wine cooler and sat on the couch.  I stuck the chicken in the oven, grabbed a wine cooler and sat down as well.   As I sat down, Mr. M said, “I brought 6 CDs…you only made 3!  Aren’t you going to make the rest”?  Wait, he told me he was fine with 3 … we had already laid that conversation to rest.  Make up your mind already!  “Nah, that’s ok then, just make three, even though I brought 6″.  I’m starting to notice a pattern here…. first he wants to take a walk, then he doesn’t …… first he wants a sandwich or pizza, then he wants chicken,  first 3 CDs is ok….then he wants 6….then 3 is ok again…..I’m almost positive I haven’t heard the end of the CD conversation yet!  This wishy-washy characteristic is not appealing.

A few minutes later, I looked over and Mr. M was snoring on the couch.  Guess he decided he wasn’t going salsa dancing!  I was so done at that point….. I grabbed my keys and my purse and went into my bedroom and locked the door.  At least I was going to get my sleep.  I wasn’t going to let him rob me of that!  Not a smart decision though…..letting a stranger sleep in your house??  At least if he tried to get away, he didn’t have a car and couldn’t get far limping!!! (Sorry, that was mean of me!)  I’m not this negative….really….I was just so frustrated that this guy was walking all over me and I couldn’t find the guts to stand up for myself in my own house.  I definitely have to work on being stronger and standing up for what I know is right.  I kept waking up that night….every time wondering if my laptop was still there and if he was still in my living room. (I should’ve brought that lap top in my bedroom with me too!! I just thought it looked too obvious that I didn’t trust him!  But why was that so wrong…. he was a stranger, right?)

The Next Morning… Please Leave:

I got up the following morning at 8:30am and tiptoed through the living room to take my dog outside…… he was still sleeping and my laptop was still there….. [Sigh of relief!]  I came back in after my dog did his thing and started breakfast.  Mr. M asked for a towel for the shower.  When he finished, instead of noticing that breakfast was done, he commented that I had not finished the last 3 CDs.  At that point I was upset…. I knew the CD conversation wasn’t done yet.  I slammed down the spatula that I had been making pancakes with and went and sat down at the computer.  He said, “No, seriously, it’s ok. You don’t have to make the CDs”.  I looked him in the eyes and said, “You have mentioned the CDs three different times. Don’t tell me it’s not important for you when obviously it is! Stop telling me you don’t care and then you do! You are so complicated and you don’t know what you want”.  As I finished making the last 3 CDs, Mr. M just sat in front of the TV, as usual.  At one point he came over and started rubbing my shoulders while telling me that he liked how it felt being so close to me.  I was disgusted and just wanted him out of my house.  I put all of his CDs back into the plastic bag that he brought them in and handed them to him…. Not even a “Thanks” followed.  Apparently he was too interested in the TV.  By this time it was almost 1:00pm and I had things to do. To top it off, he had a 7 hour ride ahead of him. Why didn’t he just leave?  That was it for me, I told him with conviction in my voice, “I have a whole bunch of things to get done today so I will bring you back to your friend’s house now”.   I have never been happier to drop someone off.

Lessons Learned:

There were so many things that went wrong on this date.  I should have told Mr. M to leave …in fact, I probably should never have let him come.  My gut instincts after our phone conversations should have been enough for me to know that we were not a match.  I have thought many times about this date and why I couldn’t just stand up for myself.  A friend of mine suggested that it may be because of the fact I have been in abusive relationships in the past.  In those relationships I always avoided conflict and standing up to the men because there were always negative consequences.  I think she has a point.  I’m still afraid of standing up for myself.  Note to self: work on being strong!

Intuitive Leadership is a term that has come into vogue only recently. In fact, tough-minded male executives have confessed to using intuition in their decision-making. Intuitive leadership is more than simply old-style leadership with some intuition added in to guide the corporate decision. It is leadership that takes into account both (a) the executives’ appreciation of their inner resources that are available but often not used and (b) the changes in institutions and society that are accompanying the “awakening” of employees and the public at large. The term “awakening” is used to describe the general phenomenon whereby people are becoming aware that they no longer have to accept their adopted beliefs, beliefs that they developed or accepted throughout most of their lives. These beliefs can include belief in the inderiority of certain ethnic or gender groups, beliefs in the sacrosanctity of economic customs and business practices (even if they are demonstrably not good for people or the planet), belief in powerlessness before the “big system,” or belief in the limited extent of one’s own ability to create what one wants.

In view of these changes, what is sound business for the future? What do these changes mean to business people? Of one thing we can be sure: business life will be replete with challenges. Some of these challenges will stem from the global dilemmas, with growing recognition of the role business has unwittingly played in accelerating modern society’s race towards self-destruction. Some of these challenges will stem from the changing attitudes of employees and the general public—the customers. The new environment for business will emphasize innovation and will be highly competitive. To prosper in such an environment, a business firm will need to attract and hold its most creative people. To do that, businesses will have to provide a work environment that fosters creativity development.

Developing intuitive leadership in the future will not be a luxury or a passing fad; it will be the heart of business. The challenges will be great. It will be necessary to deal effectively with the increasing complexity, interconnectedness, and systematic nature of the economic system. There is both good news and bad news. The bad news is that there will be persistent problems of mediocrity, debt, trade balance, global dilemmas, and worker morale. The good news is that we have inner resources we haven’t been using—untapped resources that are quite capable of dealing with these problems.

Thus “intuition” is not just a new gimmick in management decision making. Intuition is a code word for a necessary transformation of business—indeed, of global society.

My Consultancy–Asif J. Mir - Management Consultant–transforms organizations where people have the freedom to be creative, a place that brings out the best in everybody–an open, fair place where people have a sense that what they do matters. For details please visit www.asifjmir.com, Lectures, Line of Sight

Bottom: Jonathan Whitfill_ "Gold" Top: Ryder Richards_ "Your Word is Your Bond"

Feb. 12th- March 12th, 2010
Persistent Breach

Shirley Pogue Art Gallery,

East Central University
1100 E. 14th, Aida, Oklahoma

ECU Gallery presents Persistent Breach, featuring the work of artists Piotr Chizinski, Ryder Richards, Sue Anne Rische and Jonathan Whitfill. The work ranges from altered books, gunpowder drawings, to cast bomb forms. The work questions social class systems, the intangible form of knowledge, and violence in a modern world. The exhibition will take place from February 12th – March 12th, 2010. The gallery will host a closing reception featuring an artist talk and question answer session on March 11th, 2010 from 12-2 PM.

Ryder Jon Piotrs (RJP) is comprised of artists who have created an alternative method of engagement with the development of a Nomadic Truck Gallery. The gallery is a converted 24’ Ryder truck complete with white sheetrock panels and track lighting. Since it’s debut over 2 years ago the mobile gallery has prompted several group exhibitions for the RJP members. Most recently the group has shown in Dallas, Abilene, and Marfa. They have also hosted a national juried ceramics exhibition in Phoenix, Arizona.

                                   Se spune că toate fiinţele pământului sunt întrun fel legate între ele, şi chiar şi noi oamenii dispunem de o asemenea putere. Nu trebuie decât să ne căutăm  liniştea din noi, calmul şi pacea pentru a înţelege cu adevărat ceea ce se presupune a fi de netăgăduit. Nu toată lumea însă este atât de încrezătoare, iar omul din povestea noastră făcea parte din această categorie.

                 În copilărie, fusese un puşti tare năzdrăvan datorită faptului că părinţii şi profesorii tot încercau să-l controleze, şi de cele mai multe ori băiatul ajungea să se simtă de neînţeles pentru ceilalţi. Din interiorul lui emana un fel de putere necunoscută pe care mulţi nu ştiau ce efecte nebănuite poate avea. Prin ochii lui părea să se desprindă o ură persistentă de a face rău dar mascată cumva de realitatea în care el ajuta pe toţi cei din jurul său. 

                 De cele mai multe ori sătenii îl surprindeau când tortura ore înşir furnicile, pe care le zdrobea cu sadică satisfacţie, împroşcându-le minunsculele organe cu ciobul de sticlă. Probabil această oripilatoare îndemânare tot din copilărie i se trăgea,când avea deseori coşmaruri cu furnicile care îl ridicau din pat şi îl purtau prin casă. Visa cum era muşcat de ele, mii şi mii de nopţi visa aceleaşi lucruri şi îşi putea aduce aminte cu exactitate ca şi cum ar retrăi acele momente, cum se trezea din vis, cu apa şiroind de la tâmple în jos, şi de fiecare dată parea că se trezeşte mereu întrun alt vis, lafel de real, unde furnicile păreau mai multe şi mai înfometate.

          Totuşi nimic şi nimeni nu avea să schimbe realitatea în care el omora cu adevărat, în timpul zilei, micile necuvântătoare, deşi ele îi răspundeau cu aceeaşi monedă în vis. Pentru el zicala un ochi pentru ochi era cea potrivită în acest caz, şi acest fapt nu avea repercursiuni, pe dată ce, nimeni nu rămânea cu adevărat orb. Erau doar nişte furnici nenorocite lipsite de suflet, fără esenţă sau raţiune. Pentru omul din povestea noastră furnica era o creatură lipsită de importanţă care ar trebui nici să nu existe. Comportamentul său distructiv şi abuziv era în stridentă opoziţie cu atitudinea sa faţă de oameni. El iubea oamenii, mai ales atunci când îi putea ajuta unde ei nici măcar nu visau. O pasiune a lui era aceea de a ajuta grupuri de oameni care erau uniţi şi porniţi împotriva societăţii, şi simţea că era de datoria lui să îi ajute răspunzând cu acest bine, răului. Egoul lui practic îl făcea să se creadă salvatorul acestor oameni, care fără ajutorul lui, ei nu ar fi reuşit niciodată să iasă la suprafaţă.

              După un timp, ajutând grupurile de tâlhari, era cunoscut ca cel mai bun în meseria sa atrăgând invidia celorlalţi care i-au întins o cursă, fiind condamnat la o crimă pe care nu o făcuse, şi sentinţa a fost pe viaţă. În primii zece ani de sentinţă era ţinut ca prizonier. Prizonieratul era o sabie cu doua tăişuri. Pe de o parte era o binecuvântare pentru că nu trebuia să aibă de aface cu alţi deţinuţi, sau să se mute de la o închisoare la alta, sau să fie bătut vreodată de cei din puşcărie doar pentru că el era noul venit, şi nici probleme nu trebuia să îşi facă în cazul în care gardienii ar veni noaptea să-l silească sau să-l bată, aşa cum ştia de obicei că se face prin închisori. În schimbul siguranţei fizice trebuia însă să sufere de alte cazne pe care alţii par a le considera mult mai importante.

              Spaţiul în care stătea era mai răstrâns faţă de alte celule, nu avea nici pat, şi nu era decât o gaură mica în pământ care servea drept toaletă. El dormea pe o piatră în fiecare noapte, dar asta nu era partea rea a lucrurilor. El nu avea nici lumină. Timp de zece ani îşi petrecuse viaţa în beznă, şi ce era mai rău mâncarea şi apa erau aproape inexistente. Uneori nu i se aducea timp de mai multe zile şi trupul său devenea pe zi ce trecea mai slăbit. 

              Întro noapte, în timp ce dormea simţi cum este acoperit de furnici şi exact ca în visurile din copilărie îl muşcau, lăsând în urma lor băşici şi răni pe tot corpul. Fiind treaz începu să se scarpine frenetic înlăturându-le şi omorându-le. A continuat în aceeaşi manieră până ce nu mai simţi nici o furnicătură, şi celula deveni iar tăcută. „Insecte proaste” bodogăni ca pentru sine „Nu ştiu absolut nimic, sunt inutile” şi moţăi la loc în locul său întunecos.

           A doua zi, omul fu plăcut surprins… Dintro deschizătură mică în întuneric apăru ca din senin mâncare. O bucată întreagă de pâine albă şi o cană pe jumătate de apă. Era mai mult decât apucase să mănânce în ultimele patru zile, deci era recunoscător. Ridică pâinea în dreptul gurii, luă o înghiţitură, şi apoi se aşezase confortabil bucurându-se de cana cu apă. Când se pregăti să ia o a doua înghiţitură, ceva de neînţeles se întâmplase. Pâinea dispăru.  Dispăruse în micile înghiţituri ale furnicilor care erau şi ele acolo, făcând ceea ce ştiau ele să facă cel mai bine : să-l muşte pe om. Era ca şi cum ele ştiau că el le-a ucis surorile timp de mulţi ani, şi veniseră pentru răzbunare. În fiecare noapte, veneau înapoi şi poveste se relua. Omul sărea şi se zvârcolea împrăştiindu-le până când acestea îl lăsau în pace. Povestea se repeta timp de săptămâni întregi şi omul era pătruns mereu de ideea că va muri datorită muşcăturilor lor. În cele din urmă el cedase. Îşi dăduse seama că nu va putea învinge de fiecare dată şi îşi acceptase soarta. După opt ani în prizonierat, era pregătit să moară. Şi când furnicile veniseră în acea noapte, el nu le-a mai înlăturat, dându-le voie să îl muşte, rezistând fără să riposteze, şi îşi numără astfel zilele care îi mai rămâneau de trăit pănă la moarte. Dacă funicile nu ar fi fost motivul morţii sale, lipsa hranei cu siguranţă ar fi fost. Nu mâncase timp de aproape o saptămână, şi simţea cum viaţa se scurgea încet din corpul lui. După câteva zile, ceva extraordinar se întâmplase, furnicile nu mai veniseră să îl muşte. Era ca şi cum ele şi-au demonstrat punctul de vedere, ca şi cum ele ar fi înţeles că nu există nici un motiv pentru a-l mai asalta pe om, şi astfel celula cunoscu de data asta iar liniştea după mai mult de o lună. Furnicile ştiau că un ochi pentru ochi ar face ca toată lumea să devină oarbă , şi simţeau că omul şi el ajunsese să înţeleagă asta.

              Timp de doua săptămâni fără mâncare, omul nostru era pe marginea prăpastiei abia răsuflând. Nu ar fi rezistat atât de mult dacă nu era apa care i se aducea zilnic. Era ca şi cum gardienii vroiau să îi aducă moartea. Poate că asta şi intenţionau, sau poate că defapt nici nu le păsa. În oricare din situaţii prizonierul nu  mai avea mult de trăit. Însă ceva nemaipomenit se întâmplă. Un colţişor de pâine apăru în mâna omului. La început acesta nu pricepu nimic, însă pe cât era de înfometat şi de puţin înzestrat mental în acel moment, nici nu se întrebă de provenienţa lui. Recunoştinţa îi pătrunse întregul trup, în timp ce savura minunatul colţ de pâine. Câteva minute mai târziu, o altă bucăţică de pâine apăru în mâna sa. Lafel, el a savurato cu plăcere în ciuda confuziei ce o simţea.

               În cele din urmă în timp, ce încerca să îşi explice fenomenul, l-a fulgerat gândul, şi a înţeles. În tăcerea lui simţi ceva neobişnuit… era un mesaj de la sutele de picioruşe pe care le simţi pe mâna sa. În această tăcere şi pace mintea sa se oprise în a mai gândi, şi realiză că furnicile îi aduseră de mâncare.

              Pentru următorii doi ani în care omul rămase prizonier, furnicile continuaseră să îi aducă de mâncare. Îşi însănătoşise corpul, şi ce era mai important câştigase o noua perspectivă asupra vieţii, era recunoscător pentru ceea ce devenise, şi îşi caştigase chiar şi noi prieteni, cu care vorbea printr-un altfel de limbaj. 

             Odată eliberat de prizonierat, omul a fost închis împreună cu alţi deţinuţi timp de douăzeci de ani. Era o viaţă diferită faţă de cea pe care o cunoscuse aici, cu oameni care aveau păreri diferite şi gândeau cu totul alte lucruri. Egoul lui se limitase, odată ce învăţase de la furnici că sunt demne de toată stima lui, având multe de învăţat de la ele. În orice celulă era mutat, cu timpul, furnicile mereu îl găseau şi îi aduceau mai multă mâncare noaptea când nimeni nu putea vedea.

            Se spune că toate fiinţele pământului sunt într-un fel legate, şi că nu avem nevoie decât de liniştea din interiorul nostru pentru a întelege acest lucru. Şi lafel ca omul din poveste vom realiza asta mai devreme mai mai târziu.

Hallo erstmal…

wie ich gestern ja schon geschrieben habe, hatte ich einen Produkttermin mit 3 Leuten. Da bis heute Mittag noch kein Feedback (=Produktbestellung, Absage oder Klärungsbedarf) gekommen war, habe ich den Hauptkontakt (den mit der Laktoseintoleranz) angerufen.

Hey everyone…

as I wrote yesterday I had an appointment to present my products to three people last week. Since until noon today I hadn’t had any feedback (by which I mean either product order, flat refusal or further questions to be clarified), I called the “main” contact (the guy with the lactose intolerance) .

Der Sinn der Sache ist, dass ich zum Einen bei den potentiellen Kunden nicht in Vergessenheit geraten wollte (dann wäre die Bestellung im Eimer), und zum Zweiten, dass ich wissen wollte, ob es noch irgendwelche Fragen gibt, die auf dem Termin aus welchen Gründen auch immer nicht geklärt wurden.

The reason to do so is that first of all I didn’t want to be forgotten by potential customers (which would be the death of any product order) , and secondly I wanted to know if there were any questions that hadn’t been answered yet for whatever reason there is.

Es hat sich herausgestellt, dass keines der beiden zugetroffen hat, es hatte bisher einfach nur die Zeit in dieser Familie gefehlt, sich zusammen zu setzen, den Termin nochmals zu besprechen und zu entscheiden, ob und wenn ja, welche Produkte zu kaufen wären.

I found that it was none of the above but the simple fact that this family (living apart from each other) had not had the time to talk about the products and to decide on if and if yes, which products they want to order.

Für mich bedeutet das einfach: 3-7  Tage warten und dann nochmal anrufen. Das habe ich vorhin am Telefon angekündigt, das werde ich auch tun. Ich will hartnäckig sein, ohne zu nerven.

For me this simply means: wait 3-7 days and call again. This afternoon on the phone I said I would do this, so I will. I try to be persistent without being annoying.

BEN

I just wanted to jump on here and put down some quick words of advice.

1.  It is important to network.  I can not stress that enough.  The more connections you have, either in the business you want or the industry, the better chances you will have in being successful at getting a job.

2.  Following this, it is important to make use of the social networking sites that have become so popular.  For me, I have been quite pleased with how useful Linkedin.com has been.  I applied to two different jobs through this site, and I had two replies asking to learn more about me.  So readers, social networking sites are key to being well connected.

3.  Be persistent.  I have had employers tell me after my sixth or seventh phone call that they were not hiring at the time, but they were very impressed at how persistent I was.  They said for me to keep checking to see if a position opens up, and that is what I have been doing.  Being persistent makes you stand out amongst your peers.

4.  Regarding your resume, keep it tailored to the job and industry for which you are apply.  This will show the employer the skills you have regarding the specific position and save the trouble of deciphering your experience.  Also, keep a general resume on hand for job fairs or networking events.  Your resume should be 1 page.  Employers are looking at resumes all the time, and they do not want to spend a lot of time flipping through pages.

I hope the advice helps!  It has been useful for me so far.  As I learn new tricks to stand out, I will let you all know.  If anyone reading this has suggestions, please comment them!

- The Jobless Graduate

There’s someone in our family who over the last few years has drifted away and become very quiet, going through some tough times.  I admit, we didn’t try hard enough to stay in touch, to care, to reach out during those times.  I’m ashamed of that.  I’ve asked forgiveness for that from this person but am not making much headway.  In the last year or so we’ve tried harder to get in touch, send emails, call, reach out, getting no response.  I’ve had dreams in which our family and this person are reunited and reconcile all the differences.  I’m hoping that’s one of those dreams that becomes a “deja vu” moment later in life.  You know when you have a deja vu moment and think “I swear I’ve dreamed this before.”  Does that happen to you?

Anyway…lately I’ve been getting kinda mad that this person won’t respond.  I mean, come on, I’m trying!  The least they can do is try back.  We used to be close years ago.  We’re family, for pete’s sake.  It has lately been very frustrating to me, so much so that I want to just stop reaching out and loving.  As I was thinking about that today, I realized that this is how God must feel in unrequited love from so many of his children, those He hand-made in His own image.  One big difference between me and God – oh my, there are MANY differences – is that He never gives up or stops loving, even when we downright reject His love or gifts.  That is amazing to me.  When we hurt Him, He loves.  When we disobey Him, He still loves.  When we fall behind and don’t spend time with Him, He loves.  Incomprehensible!  I don’t know how He does it.  He NEVER gives up!  He expects me to follow His example but I don’t really want to right now.  I know I need to.

I suppose one of the reasons God can do this is that His love isn’t a selfish love…He just loves.  He IS love.  I’m not loving only to get loved back, but it would be nice!  Last year we got to have supper with a good friend of mine from college who I hadn’t seen since that time.  He shared some painful times he had been through with his family and how he was estranged from his sister and mom for years.  He never gave up loving them, calling, writing, stopping by, etc.  They flat-out told him to stop or go away several times but he didn’t quit.  In time (years), God helped his mom and sis to open up and they were finally able to start reaching back to him, and eventually reconciling.  What a joy!  But what determination he had.  I was so moved by the way he pursued them with persistent, unconditional love.

God, give me that kind of love because it’s not naturally springing up from me, that’s for sure.  Help me to not get angry, but just to have your love for this person in my life.  I so want to be close again.  Help me die more to myself today so you can put more of Yourself in me, filling me with Your stronger, purer, tenacious, faithful love.

“…let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.  But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” I John 4:7

“God showed how much he loved us by having Christ die for us, even though we were sinful.”  Romans 5:8

Four months ago I started to read The Art of Profitability. You may think: “Four months for 272 pages? Does he read it in a old forgotten language?” The truth is: The Art of Profitability is more than just a book about profit patterns. But let’s start at the beginning.

You are reading about meetings between Steve Gardner and David Zhao. Steve works in a big company doing strategic planning and wants to learn more about profitability. The book is written like a novel. That’s unconventional but great. So, why do I need such a long time to read it? That’s easy. You are Steve Gardner and as a good student you read the books recommend by your teacher. There are 18 of them in this book raging from ABC of Reading to The Art of War.

In summary, if you are working persistently through this book and it’s literature you’ll learn many valuable things about profitability.