ice skating on christmas eve with friends! matt was there too but we made him take the picture.

While no stockings have been hung on the chimney with care, our tree is replete and the stage is set to celebrate the holidays with family in our home this year.   I feel very blessed at this point in my life.   Merry Christmas to all.

Kids in the Snow!

Hope you all enjoy the Holidays!

I wanted to wish everyone a happy holidays. My gift to you is a promise to be a more regular writer, but that gift might come with a few kinks in it still. However, I’m starting now! I did actually want to dip into the personal side of personal finance and talk about a personal holiday tradition. For Christmas Eve, my family and I have done the same thing for the past 15 years, and I hope that I can maintain that tradition for the next 15.

Christmas Eve isn’t really a big deal in my house. Actually we spend most of the day lounging around the house, cleaning, and sleeping. I’m at work today, but thank goodness, its a half day. Around 8 PM, my mom would begin to make the Christmas Ham. Nothing special. Just putting the ham in the oven. But, without it, I’m pretty sure Christmas wouldn’t be the same. At around 9 PM, my parents come to wake us up. Honestly, this is a feat within itself, because waking up when it is that dark outside is just not ok. Somehow my brother, sister, and I get tricked into believing that it is OK to wake up and we get dressed. Before we leave, we place some cookies/donuts and some milk for “Santa.” Yes, I’m 23, my brother is 22, and my sister is 18, and we get a kick out of leaving a snack for my Dad..err, Santa. A little before 10 PM, we head out to our church, where we wait for the midnight mass to begin. You would think waiting around for 2 hours is a bit much, but there are some people that get there even earlier than that. Some of the younger children are still bright-eyed so they are running around in the church, but anyone that is over the age of 16 is most likely fighting a losing battle to stay awake.

Thankfully the first hour is the only silent hour. At 11 PM, the church choir begins to sing Christmas Carols and the mood really starts the shift. The church is a little more active, there are more smiles than frowns in the crowd, and you can really feel the anticipation build. At 12 PM prompt, the mass starts. It begins with the procession of a statue of baby Jesus as he is placed in his manger. My church really goes all out with that manger scene. I feel that is exactly where my Sunday donations go… The mass, however, is truly beautiful. Maybe it’s because everyone in the parish makes an effort to come out, maybe its the choir singing new songs, but the midnight mass, our family’s one tradition, is what truly defines Christmas for me.

The mass ends around 2:30AM and we head back home. The cookies and milk are nowhere to be seen; all that is left is an empty class and some crumbs on a napkin. At that moment, it’s a bee-line to the presents. I should mention that we don’t have a tree, and haven’t had one for a while. Yup, we don’t have a tree. We had a tree up until I was five. One year, my parents didn’t set it up and decided to place our presents in our room. I don’t think any of us has outgrown the feeling of rushing to our rooms to see what “Santa” left us. Seeing as its only the presents our parents gave us, we quickly run back upstairs to thank our parents, but also to give each other presents. At this time, its usually like 4 AM, so we just settle down in the living room and watch a movie together. My mom and I usually watch until the end, but my dad starts to doze off and so do my brother and sister. The rest of the day is spent sleeping and relaxing…and if applicable, playing with our new toys. Later on that day, that Christmas Ham is carved, and 100% of the time, it is even more delicious than the year before.

It’s beautiful. It’s predictable. It’s my Christmas. And I can’t wait for it to begin!

I don’t hate Christmas.

I just don’t care about it anymore.

As a non-working full time college student, I don’t have Christmas bonuses nor Christmas presents because I’m either “too immature” to work or “too old” for “pamasko”. Nowadays, Christmas is the most commercialized event of the year, next to Valentine’s day. Dubbed as the “Season of Giving”, you know it would mean Christmas bonuses, rush gift shopping, parties and exchanging gifts. But for a poor student like me, I just hate the pressure of Christmas parties, monitos and monitas and all that so called “traditions” which usually leads to empty pockets.

Okay, Noche Buena is something to look forward to. It’s the time for families to come and eat together. No, it will not work for us. Our family is not the type who enjoys eating together.

Well, there’s the Christmas vacation, a time to rest for a while and see some old friends.

Maybe, the Christmas season is not that bad. But I still miss my friends in UP.

Anyway, Happy Christmas to all.

OOOUGH I MISS MY BLOG HERE

im sorry for disappear such a long time like this

i got so many things to do

but here i am ready to share what i’ve just discover and found in my world to you guys

first, lets talk about D.I

i found these picture below from some magazine out there, Europe or maybe America magazines, i don’t know..but it so interesting

then, somehow, 2 days ago, i saw some advertise of local store using this pictures above and add some little this and little that..oh i am so sad..

i wondered, did that local store got a permission to use these pictures above?

some of my friend said “NO, in this age we call STEALING with another name, dear.. it’s called RECYCLING or RE-PRODUCING”

OH I AM SO SAD..CAN YOU AGREE WITH THAT? cause personally i dont.

cause these pictures above, it’s called ARTWORKS.

even when someone reproducing it, it’s still had “the identity”.

they should be ashamed if they don’t got the permission to re-produce those pictures.

anyway guys, let’s jump into another topics.

number 2 is i am so happy lately yet so tired.

me and my best friend, Mira, are preparing ourselves to join some competition in our very trendy and fashionable magazine for teens, Gogirl.

wish us so much lucky ahead for us both.

3rd is this is a HAPPY HOLIDAY!

i’m going to :

CLEAN UP MY DIRTY BEDROOM

TAKE A HOLIDAY TRIP WITH MY CLOSEST FRIENDS

CREATE A NEW YEARS PARTY AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE

WATCHING AVATAR AGAIN

do you know that the sequel of avatar movie : Battle Angel is in progress of making. oh god i can’t wait to watch it next year.

i even dreamed about became an Avatar in Pandora.this movie is such a brilliant movie i ever saw.

EXERCISING

i enjoy walking around my neighbourhood and running in weekend.

i’m going to ask my boyfriend to come exercise with me. we also going to have badminton play every friday

enough for this day guys. i’m going to take a shower now. i promise i keep on writting

thanks for waiting.thank you everyone. HAPPY HOLIDAY ALL!

Designer: Versace Pre-Fall Spring 2010

Inspiration: Japanese Techno

Top Looks: Long-sleeved Japanese printed mini-dress with power shoulders; Jean-blue suit, with skin-tight front lace-up jeans; Laminated aqua mini-dress with lace inset; Black bodice cocktail dress with asymmetrical pleated skirt

Accessories: Platform round toe pumps, lace-ups and slouch boots. All in either black, navy, electric blue, red, or a combo there of. Colorful handbags, including a graphic printed snake skin carry-all. In the jewelry department, a graphic necklace and colorful stacked bangles.

What we thought: Though this collection was only 17 looks long, Donatella Versace made each one of them count. The body conscious silhouettes were young and edgy, like Versace’s Spring collection. (Perhaps the influence of the Versus designer, Christopher Kane?)

The palette consisted of sherbert and pure colors (both trends for Pre-Fall 2010) and Japanese prints. Hemlines were asymmetrical, often half-pleated. Fabrics were shiny and laminated. True to the inspiration, there was a hard technichal quality to the clothes-with little softness. But the most beautiful looks mixed both-namely the bustier goddess dresses with pleated chiffon skirts.

Because we had an opportunity to stay a couple of nights for free at The Venetian, my family and I made our way to Macao on Sunday.

We got to the terminal at about 10:30am but could only buy tickets for 13:30, so we had breakfast at this Taiwanese place. Again, I forgot to take a picture of my food, but I had this amazing looking peanut butter toast.

Then at about 1200, we started queuing up at this line that lets you in early even though you have a late ticket (because they normally only let you in right before your ferry leaves). We made the 1300 ferry. When passing by immigration (me being alone on the visitor line because my parents and sister has a HK PR) my dad has this trick where you should wait at the line next to the “senior citizen” line because when that line’s empty, they’ll let people from the next line pass there. And that’s what happened to me this time!

It was a hugeeeee ferry that seated many people like sardines in a can.

It was an hour ride, so we got to Macao by 1400. Immigration didn’t take long, but the wait for the bus did. I feel like all we do in Macao is wait in lines. We were finally on the bus to The Venetian.

It was so pretty~

Ri-Ri (my sister) isn’t 18 yet, and last year they didn’t let her go through the casino. This year, they let her through.

We came here last year, too, but we didn’t stay in this resort, we stayed in the Grand Waldo, which was right opposite of The Venetian.

After admiring our room, we went to Taipa Village. First we had some famous pork bun.

I really like the architecture in Taipa Village. It’s a mixture of new and old.

And it’s so colorful~

Then when my mum spotted a store that had a line, she said, “This one must be famous, it has a line for it.” So then she waited in line and bought some Portugese egg tarts.

Later, we took the free shuttle to the City of Dreams. The moment you enter, there’s this huge computerized aquarium. Once in a while, a mermaid shows up. There’re also fishes, penguins and whales. Also, throughout the entire building, there is this strangely strong, but nice scent that smells like perfume.

So then we returned to The Venetian. I was too tired to go out again, but my family then went for some Portuguese food for dinner.

- end of day one -

The Venetian

City of Dreams

CHRISTMAS EVE SERVICES – Thurs. Dec. 24th @ 4:00, 5:30, & 7:00PM. Join us for a special evening of music, drama, candlelight singing, communion, & a “U2 Christmas” wrap-up. Don’t miss it & invite everyone you know!

Remember that Christmas is a time of year when people, who would not otherwise darken the doorway of a church, are fairly open to going. Especially, if someone they know personally invites them. I encourage you to do some personal inviting. Use our “Church for people who don’t do church” billboard, & all of our Christmas Eve road signs everywhere, as a discussion starter to get people to come celebrate Christmas Eve with us & check out what God is doing here at Eagle Pointe church. You can also share with your friends about Christmas Eve @ Eagle Pointe from @howardjkoepka/twitter, howardjkoepka/facebook, & EaglePointeChurch/facebook.

So, start praying & inviting! I can’t wait to see you & the people you bring with you tomorrow!

Question…

Who have you invited?  (Acts 1:8)

Who are you bringing with you? (John 1:40-42)

Have you told God, “I am available!” (Isaiah 6:8)

We’re praying for HUGE things on Christmas Eve… (Acts 4:29-31)

Eternal destinations will be altered… (John 5:24)

Life Change WILL HAPPEN…  (II Corinthians 5:17)

So…what are you waiting on? (II Corinthians 6:1-2)

Let’s have that uncomfortable conversation…  (Acts 1:8)

HE REIGNS…  (Revelation 4)

He CAN save anyone…  (Acts 9:1-18)

See you on Christmas Eve!  (Matthew 16:18)

SO sorry I haven’t been keeping up. These past couple weeks have been finals, and as a result, it’s been difficult for me to cook on a regular basis. But that’s an obstacle of being a student chef, right? To be honest, I can’t imagine how real working people – i.e. mothers – manage to do all the things they do and still cook a good meal for their families.

I had a thought the other day for a healthy meal program for low-income families. I know there are a lot out there, and maybe this idea already exists. Regardless, I was thinking about how this blog works: I tell you my budget, and I show you what I can do with it. I would want to take a family’s budget, sit down with them to create a grocery list or a meal plan, and then help them cook. Of course, the program would be flexible and a family could ask for one meal per week instead of a whole week’s worth.

Ultimately I would want it to cater to the family’s needs and availability. I wouldn’t want to force a family to sit down to a dinner if they didn’t have time or didn’t want it. If the family does want more structure, the program could provide that. And I wouldn’t want to charge extra. I would want to show the families how to work within their budget.

I have it all outlined in a notebook somewhere, but I’m too lazy to find it. I just need to go home and let my brain chill the fuck out.

Thoughts:
Ladies and gentlemen: I’ve got it! My Garmin arrived today and I’m so happy with it. I will read and learn about it’s options tonight or tomorrow so I can use it next time I go running. In the gym I will still be using my Polar heart rate watch. My Garmin is for running.

This afternoon at 2 pm my vacation started. I’ll start working again on January 4^th and I’m really looking forward to my days off. We don’t have many plans but work has been busy lately and my latest holiday was a week in July so I can really use some time off.

Tomorrow I have to clean my house and pick up my orders. First Christmas Day my mother is coming to us and I’m cooking dinner for the three of us. Second Christmas Day we are going for coffee to my mother in law in the morning and spend the rest of the day at home and have dinner together. In Holland we don’t really celebrate Christmas Eve but we have two days of Christmas.

Exercise:
Finally it’s not snowing anymore and it’s not freezing anymore during daytime so today I went running outside. It was very cold but I love being out there again. I didn’t run for distance or time just for the running itself. I had to walk sometimes because the road was slippery but overall most roads are clean. I ran 4.38 K/2.7 miles in 32:32 and felt great when I returned home.

The Ultimate Diet Log:

Research Report: It’s never too late to adopt healthy habits. In one study, adults ages 45 to 64 who started eating five fruits and veggies daily and exercising 2.5 hours per week and who maintained a BMI of 30 or less reduced their death rate 40 percent compared to people with less healthy lifestyles.

Nutrition shocker: Nearly one-third of the calories in a typical American’s diet come from soft drinks, sweets, salty snack foods, alcohol and fruit-flavored drinks.

Workout goals 2010
These are my workout goals for 2010. This year I’m focussing on running faster, strength by weight training and Pilates.

I thought about how many workouts in a week I would do. I thought about 6 but decided I will stay at 5 times a week. I have a 36 hour workweek, a social life and a house that needs to be cleaned. So 5 is a realistic goal for me.

My ultimate goal is to run a half-marathon once but before I can even think about that I have to get faster at my 10K. When I’m faster at my 10K I’ll start a program for a 15K and run a few runs of that distance. Only then I will start training for a half-marathon. My goal is to accomplish that in 2011. This year focus is on running faster and the 15K.

I did set a goal on my total km/miles this year. I started running on March 30^th and till today I have run 426 K/265 miles. My goal is to double that in 2010. First because I like a challenge, second I will run 12 months instead of 9 this year and I’m running more K’s/miles now than when I started. So my goal for 2010 is 900 K/560 miles.

I will add a Pilates class once a week. I’ve read (again) an article in the latest Runner’s World that Pilates is a great combination with running. My gym has Pilates classes which I can follow.

I will post an update of my goals every month.

I would like your opinion if you think these are realistic goals for me.

Running goals:

• Goal kilometres/miles in 2010: 900 K / 560 miles.
  Total till …. :

• Run a 5K < 35 minutes -> 34.06 on 12/13/2009
  Run a 5K < 32 minutes
  Run a 5K in about 30 minutes

• Run a 10K < 1.15
  Run a 10K < 1.10
  Run a 10K < 1.05
  Run a 10K in about 1.00

• Start training for a 15K (14 week program, starting around May)

12 months, 12 runs:
In 2010 I want to participate in a run every month.

Run, Distance, Time
January 17, Wintercup Baarn
February
March 28, Zandvoort Circuit Run
April 18, Nike Ladies Run Hilversum, 10K
May 16, Marikenloop Nijmegen, 10K
June
July 3, Olde Wierdenloop Opende, 10.3K
August
September  Singelloop Utrecht or Bridge to Bridge Arnhem
October
November
December

Strength training:

• Pilates, 1 class a week.

• Strength:
  Finish the Matt Roberts Weight Loss Plan
  13 out of 36 workouts completed.

  After finishing this choose one of his other fitness plans:
  - Bikini program
  - Upper body for woman
  - Perfect legs
  - Strength programs for shoulders, arms, chest, back and legs
  - General condition program for woman

• Home workouts:
  When I don’t have enough time to go to the gym or go running I will do a workout of the Shred or at the WII (Active Sports). I still want to complete the Shred program but it’s not my priority. That’s all of the above mentioned workouts.
  
  Shred: 10 days completed.
  WII Active Sports: haven’t started yet.

I will be back blogging on Sunday so I’m wishing all of you a Merry Christmas surrounded by your loved ones.

it feels weird not giving gifts this year to the people who given so much to me (damn, money). each one of my friends has taught me something. it’s been an amazing year and i am so grateful.

angelica has taught me that sometimes all a girl wants is to be fed, warm and driven around. angelica loves to go on car rides, but hates to drive. often times i end up driving her around, shes kind of like a baby in that way and i love it. we can sit for hours and not talk–it’s beautiful.

cristina has shown me it is possible to find true love! this year cristina was married to the most amazing man and he is super lucky because i approve (ha ha). this summer it was cemented that no matter how much time we spend apart over the year it doesn’t matter because when we are together it feels as if no time has passed. cristina sends me text messages that make me cry frequently. i think i have a cristina-shaped hole in my heart.

perri has made it obvious that sometimes your soul mate is a friend. we say the exact same things and feel the exact same things–it still freaks me out sometimes. perri is so reliable and is always there when i need to vent or cry or share (which happens a lot). i can tell her anything and know she won’t think i am crazy.

heather has shown me a friendship can grow and change. she has included me into her family and i feel so at home when i am with her. i have complete faith that no matter where life takes us  in the future we will always end up at her house baking christmas cookies.

kristy is like a little ray of sunshine. she has taught me that you have to follow your heart. she flew all the way to texas to visit me even though it terrified her. and i love her extra for it!

lojo always surprises me. she always tells great stories and i know i will laugh if lauren is around. she has taught me the beauty of organization and is helping to shape thriving ink in these amazing ways. whether she means to or not, shes helps to remind me that we are adults and can order booze when we go out to dinner.

michaela is like a little sister to me. she reminds me that there is a time to be business and a time to be silly. she has great advice and i am always happy to make her a tall glass of chocolate milk. she is sassy and helps me be sassy, as well.

Merry Christmas to all my dear friends!

]]> http://howardjkoepka.com/2009/12/22/my-changed-life-mychangedlife-tv/ Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:03:42 +0000 Howard J Koepka http://howardjkoepka.com/2009/12/22/my-changed-life-mychangedlife-tv/

Please check out our new website http://mychangedlife.tv/ – I would love to have you share how your life has been changed as a result of you experiencing Jesus. How has God been working in your life & family as a result of your personal encounter with Him, or being a part of Eagle Pointe, Life Group, Ministry team, etc. What a great opportunity to brag on God! (It’s like a blog – you just sign up & start typing!)

Being the lead pastor I get to hear a lot of great stories of how God is working in people’s lives & families as a result of being a part of Eagle Pointe. Ideally, we want this site to encourage those in our church, who have no idea of what God is doing in the lives of others here, as well as, be a great testimony to those outside of our church who are disconnected from God & His church. Basically, a promo for Jesus & Eagle Pointe.

So, please get on this site & share – & strongly encourage others in your group/team to do the same. ***BTW: These testimonies will also assist us in doing research for an incredible series we are working on for January called – MyChangedLife.

We’ve had so many requests to get the message videos from our “U2 Christmas” series online – so many people wanting to see it again & share it with people they know – that I decided to post it to my blog as well. Here is part 3 of this series. I hope you enjoy it & I encourage you to share it with everyone you know.

Do not miss a “U2 Christmas Eve” @ 4:00, 5:30, & 7:00PM here at Eagle Pointe Church. Join us this Christmas season and get a backstage pass to one of the greatest bands of all time, talking about the greatest message of all time. We’ll use today’s arts, media, and songs from U2 to explore the heart of generosity. We’ll see our lives as an expression of who we are inside, and learn the secret of the exciting & fulfilling life we were meant to live.

man, i dun really understand people man, why am i ever feeling so lost when people start to show me their stupid self…. this really makes me ponder why do people just put themselves into a situation where they would cause themselves and others unhappiness… man, forget it man, i just don’t want to mention any names here… damn it, i’m trying to forget about the matter that happened just now and yet it keeps coming back to me again and again….

grrrrr…. shall find a way to distract myself away..

Friday night through ALL of Saturday and into the wee hours of Sunday morning, DC got pummeled by snow!  It is so beautiful out there.  We measured outside of our townhouse and had 21 inches as of about 1am Sunday morning, with drifts well over that amount.  So two weeks or so ago when we got the 4″, and that shut us down for a good day, you can only imagine what 21 inches does!

Food hasn’t been 100% great during the weekend, but I have been out shoveling, and walking the dog through snow that is above my knees so my weight is currently only 0.6 above where it was a few weeks ago, when I started my goal of not gaining throughout the holidays.  I feel really great about that! 

Obviously due to the snow all of the plans that we had for the weekend were cancelled!  No Reindeer Race 5k, no meeting Fireman’s ex-wife, no dinner downtown with a few friends and no birthday party brunch for another friend on Sunday:(  I was sad to miss all of those things but it was really nice to have a weekend that was somewhat lazy.  We watched a few movies, Julie & Julia and Taking of Pelham 123 included.  Julie & Julia I really enjoyed!  I made Beef Burgundy (a healthier version than Julia’s for sure!) and we watched the move.  It was so nice and warm and cuddly.

Today will be spent cleaning the house from top to bottom and getting about a dozen loads of laundry done to prepare for the arrival of my Mom tomorrow.  Posting will likely be light over the rest of the week, with family in town, the holiday and lots of other plans with friends and family!

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Tata for now,

Scale Warfare

For your viewing pleasure, our snow!!!

Christmas decorations at the Forum des Halles Shopping Center in the 1st arr. Paris

The past few years I have felt decidedly more Grinch-y (like he was before his heart grew three sizes too big) about Christmas than Cindy Lou Who-ish, or Scrooge, Post-Ghosts.

The way I see it, Christmas in the States from the time that I was a kid in the 1970s, has become “Cashmas,” which Urbandictionary.com defines as:

a celebration of materialism in which its celebrants attempt to flatter or impress relatives, friends, and acquaintances with the extent of their purchasing power. (The “power to get”.) Cashmas co-opts signs, symbols, and sympathies from other religious holidays of the winter season to mask its foundation of conspicuous consumption.

Maybe for some there is still either a genuine religious component which makes the season more for them, or they have an authentic love for All Things Christmas from the decorations to the foods to the ambiance that is created by such a warm and cozy holiday amidst the darkest days of the year. For me?

Christmas has felt like one big pain in the ass for a lot of years now.

The stress of buying gifts for family and friends, sending out a bajillion cards to those I have only been in touch with once a year, the baking and food preparation,  the having to travel and then divide time between family members, all of whom want to gather within days of the Day — somehow in the economy of exchange** of all these things to do, Christmas became not worth all the stress to me.

(** I made up the expression “economy of exchange” this past year for use in my discussions about life with myself and others. Yes, I talk to myself, lol. So do you, if you admit it! Anyway, the “economy of exchange” became a way for me to discuss what is sometimes called the “cost to benefit ratio,” but not so much having to do with actual financial implications. Instead, the “economy of exchange” is what we receive in return for our actions. It has to do with a kind of karmic reaping and sowing. For example, a few months ago I [pretty much] gave up drinking alcohol because the pleasure I derived from it was not as great as the mental, physical, and social price for drinking, especially with drinking too much. In other words, drinking became not worth it. This is what I call the “economy of exchange” in my life: the system in which there is give and take, cause and effect, action and transaction, and the “weighing in” as to the personal worth of the things exchanged.)

Not even having kids helped very much in enjoying the season more, unfortunately. Having kids, instead of renewing my own childlike sense of the holiday, seemed to pile on more guilt because I felt incapable of making the season even *more* magical for them. It seemed in recent years to be such a struggle to drag the decorations out for yet another year, and worry about whether there was enough money to buy presents. Sure, there was a way in which trying to give them a good Christmas helped. I would have to be a cold-hearted beast to not be warmed by the excitement of a child on Christmas morning. Of course the joy in their eyes at presents and candy was fun to see and experience. But, again, in the economy of exchange, the happiness they felt was at the price of a lot of weariness and stress on my part, and their joy could not bear up the entire weight of my feeling worn out by the whole thing.

I have come to realize this past year that a lot of the exhaustion, a lot of the stress and anxiety I have felt over this time of year, very well could have been because of what I think is my struggle with undiagnosed Celiac Disease.  I currently refer to what’s going on with me as “gluten intolerance” because I’m wishy-washy about actually saying I have the auto-immune disorder. I have never had a professional medical evaluation concerning this, and it is likely I will not in the near future. I know that I have experienced some relief of a lot of symptoms by not eating gluten, sugar, yeast, and dairy products for the past several months. I am not 100% better, however, in part because of other, hopefully temporary, food intolerances to things like tomatoes and potatoes, corn and strawberries, which makes eating very difficult for me right now. This is something that can happen when you have an immune system that is in a bit of an uproar because food molecules, instead of passing through the digestive system effectively, wind up in the bloodstream where immune action then views the molecules as an enemy. My explanations here are very simple, and if you want more in-depth reading about this, I can recommend the book Food Allergies and Food Intolerance by Dr. Johnathan Brostoff and Linda Gamlin.

At any rate, amongst the many possible symptoms of Celiac Disease is depression and/or anxiety. Food can be a *huge* influence on mood, I have learned in my research this past year.

I think I have simply been too exhausted and grouchy to enjoy very much of the holidays because they have taxed me so very much when my nutritional resources have been so low and my food reactions have been so high. This combination alone makes the day-to-day putting one foot in front of the other exhausting. Holidays? They are like running sprints with shin splints for days on end. What’s left after the years of feeling too stressed out to cope is a distaste for and dislike of the whole holiday enterprise. I have felt like I have been on the carnival ride called “Christmas” for so many years now, and feeling more and more sick being on that ride, that I have just wanted to scream “Let me off!!” and move back to somewhere in Asia where it really is just another day (although that has been changing in recent years, too. Check out the YouTube video in that article. It’s pretty funny).

So. It’s December 21. I am sitting in an apartment with no decorations up, with no tree (yet. PJ and are are supposed to get one tonight). I have done a little bit of Christmas shopping, thanks to my friend Priscilla, whom I met with last Tuesday at the Forum de Halles, and some small things for my kids in Colorado were purchased online and sent off to their homes a couple of weeks ago. PJ is pretty much in the same boat as I am concerning this holiday: he finds it as tiresome as I do and so neither of us is really in the mood to do anything extraordinary. Still, he has kids, ages 12-and-a-half and 15, and while they have long stopped believing in Santa, they are still kids enough to want stuff and have a bit of a party. Christmas has always been something they do with their dad as their mom’s side of the family is Jewish. Hannukah is not as big a deal for Jews in France as it is for a lot of Jews in the States, who are competing with Cashmas, too. So, there is some obligation to fake it and make a bit of a show of putting on a holiday.

I decided to get online and post today as it is likely that I won’t be online as much in coming days. PJ’s kids arrive tomorrow night, and will be here for about a week. What this means is that today I have to get the house readied for them, and have the grocery shopping done for meals for PJ and the kids over the next few days, as well as for the stuff I can eat. Then, they will be jonesing for Facebook time and PJ will be doing his writing as well. Buh-bye blogging for a few days, most likely. I may be able to get into the lineup of jockeying for computer time to post my thoughts on Versailles. I am *still* writing that post in my head! I finally did post the photos on Flickr into this set, though. They are not annotated yet, so while they are pretty to look at, there are no explanations as to what’s what. You’re welcome to look, however!

It has also fallen into my purview to wrap gifts from PJ’s family in the States, which arrived today, and the list of tasks seems to be growing as I think about them.

I wish I could feel happier about having a Christmas in Paris. I feel a little guilty because Christmas in Paris is lifelong dream for some, and here I am borderline-whining about it. Maybe if I were staying in a three or four-star hotel, and as a tourist appreciating the magic of the city in a compact time frame and from the center of things, I might be happier to experience Christmas in Paris, too! As it is, I am in the 19th arrondissement, in the ‘hood, living in a two bedroom apartment which is about to occupy four people (the older boy sleeps in the living room. The living room pretty much gets commandeered by kids while they are here as around the TV and computer and boy’s bed-slash-sofa is where they like to hang), and where food intolerance cramps my style so much in the land of breads, pastries, cheese, and chocolate that I really feel deprived and angry some days.

David Lebovitz's Stollen © David Lebovitz, 2009

For example, a couple of days ago, David Lebovitz posted this beautiful picture of and recipe for a Christmas Stollen, one of the holiday treats I really have enjoyed through the years. Stollen made the holidays seem not so stale and made me not so sullen! When I read the recipe, I lost it. I cried, mourning one of the few things about Christmas I actually still have liked up to now: the food.

In fact, revisiting David’s post and copying that link into my post just now made me cry again.

I realize I have had a bit of a case of sour grapes concerning the whole holiday “thing.” I think what has happened to me is a deep case of disillusionment with the holiday scenario. There never will be those Christmases past where all seemed magical. Somewhere in the space of growing up, I got a peek behind the curtain, at the cogs in the works. It probably started with the time when I found out Santa was not real, back when I was five or six. From there, my ability to suspend my disbelief at the realities around me during the holidays has been less and less successful as the years pass. That, and just the sheer pressure that the holidays seem to be anymore proves to be just too much. This year, with not eating any foods relating to holiday cheer, I feel myself giving up on even really putting on any pretense of wanting to like the holidays. There just is not much left to enjoy.

So pardon me while I whine on this blog. Forgive me for not holding more gratitude for things such as simply being grateful for being able to walk, or for living in one of the most pretty cities in the world. I’m sorry if I am such a downer. I’d like to be able to try to find something that can commend this holiday, but cannot. Sorry, Jesus People, I can’t go with the whole “Jesus is the reason for the season” schitck anymore. No offense to my believing readers out there. It’s just that factually and historically, Jesus Christ the actual man was probably a Virgo, born in September (a good explanation is here: Jesus’ Real Birthday. Long, but an interesting analysis, if conservative in its bent). Christians appropriated the pagan Winter Solstice celebrations and the Roman holiday of Saturnalia in an attempt (successful!) to co-opt these popular holidays. Christmas is really just a lot of made-up stuff that has its roots in pagan celebration.

Instead of putting back the “Christ in Christmas,” I would really like to be able to put the fun back into it. But all I can really see is that it is an excuse to spend more than we have, eat and drink more than we can handle, and stress ourselves out to achieve these two goals. If I could feel a sense of joy and fun with it again, I think I could have a little holiday spirit once more.

Meh. Grinchy. Told ya.

Maybe the Christmas fairies will visit me this year and help me change my mind. Maybe ghosts will come to visit me in the dead of night and knock some holiday sense and sensibility into my noggin. I dunno. I doubt it. In fact, I got online today to read about the sad and early demise of actress Britney Murphy, and I cried a little just as I did when I saw that Stollen, except her death is way sadder. It is this kind of specter I feel shadowing the entirety of the holiday this year.

To wrap this up, if I have not made you feel too much like dressing all in black, listening to the Sisters of Mercy, chain smoking in Denny’s, and cutting, then maybe you can share your true feelings about the holiday, too. Don’t worry: if Christmas is a holiday you love and you cannot understand my thoughts here, then write about what you love about it! Maybe you will inspire me! If you are with me in wishing the whole thing would just go away, then share your like-minded thoughts. If you, too, have a lot of food intolerances, and have formerly loved food at the holidays but cannot eat much holiday fare now, maybe you can share how you have coped with not eating all the goodies that represent this holiday. Please leave a comment about how *you* feel this holiday and why you do. “Blomment” (blog in my comments) all over the place!

In any case, I really do hope that the holidays, that Christmas and New Year’s, and the completion of Hanukkah this past week, are what you would want them to be. If you are happy at and with this time of year, then I wish you *every* happiness that you could hope for! If you are Grinchy like me, then here is to our getting through it all, and, maybe as in my case, without food or alcohol to make it slide down easier. Let’s hope we survive.

And to those, like Britney Murphy’s family and friends, who have lost loved ones this year, may you just be able to stumble through this time as best you can. My thoughts are with you.

Over and out.

Karin

(an alien parisienne)

We’ve had so many requests to get the message videos from our “U2 Christmas” series online – so many people wanting to see it again & share it with people they know – that I decided to post it to my blog as well. I hope you enjoy it & I encourage you to share it with everyone you know.

Do not miss a “U2 Christmas Eve” @ 4:00, 5:30, & 7:00PM here at Eagle Pointe Church. Join us this Christmas season and get a backstage pass to one of the greatest bands of all time, talking about the greatest message of all time. We’ll use today’s arts, media, and songs from U2 to explore the heart of generosity. We’ll see our lives as an expression of who we are inside, and learn the secret of the exciting & fulfilling life we were meant to live.