The blank page speaks volumes.

Release Date: May 2013

Publisher: SM Entertainment

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you and me.

But now it’s

me and him.

I had to let go of the past

and move into my present

there is no more going back

because you don’t want me back

Allow me to have a good time

let me and him

learn new lessons of romance

maybe i will learn

a deeper meaning of love

maybe i will learn

to open my heart again

maybe i will learn

how to be loved back.

I woke up early this morning, quickly jumped in the car with the corgi crew, and drove to whole foods- which had some beautiful peonies on display (reminded me of Seattle). After picking up some essentials for the holiday weekend, we headed over to the lovely Sweet Heart’s Patisserie.  We then drove downtown, sat by the water with Mr. B (the infamous classy corgi gentleman), indulged in some lovely quiches & croissants and basked in the crisp morning air. It was a wonderful way to start off this beautiful weekend.

While I thought I had the fleas beat a month or two ago, I was very wrong. They came back with a vengeance, biting every surface of my flesh day after day, biting me in the same places, biting me in places that haven’t been touched by anything for a long time. Eventually they died out, my roommate spraying the apartment four or five times over. When the “curse” poem was introduced in my poetry class, I knew exactly what I wanted to write about. The results are as follows.

I hate you bugs (curse poem)

The cat sitting in front of my apartment door mewed so pathetically

I let it in to pet and feed it

What a mistake

I let it in the next day and the next

What a mistake!

I checked its belly for fleas and found none

but this cat’s coat was thick

A month later I had bites on my

ankles, calves, thighs, knees, arms, elbows,

neck, belly, hands, fingers, toes…

Fleas

Persistent little bastards

they find you–the host–

and riddle your body with

bite marks; raised flesh

swollen and insanely itchy

they suck the joy out

and leave you scratching

their miniscule form

flip-flops on your epidermis

they do cartwheels and

handstands with mouths full

of your precious skin and blood

I curse you fleas…

Get ready for damage control

May you all choke and die a horrible

gut busting, eye twitching, chemical

death

swim in a sea of toxins

gasp and writhe for lack of air

each flea found and drowned

or slivered in half with my fingernail

is a Mardigras celebration

you’re a parasitic

demoniacal

pathetic excuse

for an organism

may all your offspring be terminated

may your species die in a vat of acid

may your predator slurp you up into

a permanent vortex of foul smelling

decay.

p.s. She also gets more than her fair share of male attention. More reasons to be Bridget.

“But understanding’s weakness is exactly its strength. Connecting ourselves with the thoughts and feelings of others, although they may be completely different than ours, establishes equality; just as interpreting their rationality in the light of our own, despite major differences, creates parity. Understanding allows us to see that we are equal with others and can experience, empathise and share in their rationality, empirical and normative expectations, thoughts and feelings. We make them equal to us and us to them; we build up society when we understand. Since understanding makes us more hesitant to pass judgement and more forbearing and tending toward forgiveness, understanding brings reconciliation a step closer. The foundation for reconciliation is laid by understanding because it works against all that separates us and toward all that would bring us together.”

(page 41)

Bernhard Schlink, Guilt About the Past. House of Anansi Press. E-publication, released April 15, 2010.

Borrowed, in digital format, from the Vancouver Public Library.

Travelling in Spain was well, the biggest roller coaster of emotions that I’ve ever experienced while travelling. This was the first time I had ever traveled alone for an extended period of time. I was there for 11 days and during that time I was excited, scared, anxious and relieved.

EXCITATION!

My first destination was Barcelona. I had heard from fellow travelers that the best way to meet people when traveling alone was to go on free walking tours with your hostel. So, that’s exactly what I did. It was a great way to get a feel for the city. Unfortunately, it was my tour guide’s first day and it was obvious that she needed to do some more research on the city. It’s always nice to have a local show you around, but my tour guide was from the UK and just recently moved to Barcelona. Word of advice, if your tour guide does not seem charismatic from first impression, they probably won’t get better as the tour goes on. It was nice however, to have a chance to be in a group of people. When you are in an unfamiliar place by yourself, it is always nice to feel a sense of belonging to a group. Unfortunately, I didn’t meet anyone that I could see myself spending a lot of time with, so I headed to the beach. Barcelona has a beautiful beach. I went at the end of March so the water was still ice cold, but it felt good to stick my bare feet into the crystal, white sand along the coast.

That night, I thought I would attempt to make friends a second time. I went bar hopping with a group of people from other hostels in the surrounding area. Although there were barely any people out with us that night, I met one girl: Kate, and quickly learned we had a lot in common. Kate was from one of  the Southern American States, she had a big family similar to me and she had recently decided to move to France permanently. The next couple of days that I was in Barcelona, I spent with Kate. We saw a lot of Gaudi’s famous architecture, such as the Sagrada Familia, Parc Guell and in particular the ‘Casa Batllo’ seen below:

I was having such a great time exploring all the astounding architecture and meeting new people, that it was only a matter of time before something bad happened. That’s when things took a turn for the worst.

BEING AFRAID!

The last night I was in Barcelona I was out dancing with a few friends and someone stole my camera. To this day, I have no idea how it happened. Many people had warned me to keep a tight hold on my stuff because theft was very common in Spain. I specifically remember having my hand over my purse zipper, but some how, some [jerk] person managed to steal it. I was upset of course and decided to go back to the hostel. I talked to the secretary at the front and they went on to say that some people practice pick-pocketing every day. They consider it their job and that is actually how they make a living. He said it was because of the economic condition that the country was in and due to unemployment rates. According to a site called ‘Eurostat’, the youth unemployment rate in Spain in 2012 was roughly 53%. With such high unemployment rates these days, I guess I should not be surprised.

Anyways, I lost a significant amount of respect for Barcelona and decided to jump on a bus and go to Madrid.

Madrid. Madrid was my least favourite spot to go in Spain. It was bad for many reasons:

1) I first arrived in the middle of the night and could not find a place to stay. Not many people spoke English in Madrid. Arriving in the middle of the night made it difficult because there aren’t as many people around to ask directions and none of the shops are open to ask for a map. I had to make the best of a bad situation. I did not end up finding a hostel or hotel, I was completely lost, so instead I had to trust someone I just met. It was not fun. Obviously, trusting someone you meet in the middle of the night, in a new country that does not quite speak your language is not an ideal situation. Regardless, sometimes you just need to appreciate the help of a fellow citizen and have faith in humanity.

2) Another reason Madrid was unpleasant was when I did find a hostel the next day, I was truly in need of some familiarity. I needed something to make me feel safe and at home. So I plugged my laptop into the wall at the hostel and attempted to Skype some friends from home. As I plugged in my laptop to the wall, the fuse blew out from the light bulb above me and my laptop got zapped! It did not work again for the rest of the trip, and so it was just added weight to carry on my back for another week. To anyone reading this, I would never suggest travelling with a laptop.

3) It rained the whole time.

After this rough start, I basically hated Madrid. I had barely explored at all and I already wanted to leave. It makes sense to plan ahead, I realize that, but I wanted to challenge myself to solve problems and be independent. At this point in the trip I was beginning to feel like I had made a huge mistake. Could I have avoided so many of the negative things I was feeling if I had planned better? I remember fearing the days ahead of me. It had been at least two days since I had contact with anyone I knew and I didn’t want to leave my room. I was in dire need of something to give me comfort, some sort of familiarity. I decided to check out the books at the hostel and managed to find an old copy of: Harry Potter and Philosopher’s Stone. Lucky enough for me, it was in English. 150 pages later, I felt so much better. Reading that book really helped me to feel grounded. It just took my mind away from my current situation and allowed me to focus on another world, something other than how I felt.

The next day, I decided to put everything behind me. I had a few unlucky days, but I was still half-way around the world, getting the opportunity to see and experience a culture that many people will never get the opportunity to embrace. Like Harry Potter, I was in unfamiliar territory, but my only option was to push past my reservations and explore. I decided to have a me day. I went shopping, I ate McDonalds, and I went to the Prado Museum. By the end of the day I was totally worn out. Also, traveler’s tip, if you ever want to go see the Prado Museum make sure you have more than one day to see it. It is absolutely magnificent, but also way too large of a museum to see in one day.

ANXIETY:

I did really enjoy that final day in Madrid, but I figured I had seen a lot and once again it was ready to move on. It was hard to shake my initial impression of Madrid, and the beauty of traveling alone was that I had no ties to the city. I could leave whenever I wanted to. I decided to head for Valencia. Valencia is back in Catalonia, Spain and it is right on the coastline like Barcelona. It was nice because I had a few friends that were also in Valencia for a few days so I met up with them.

We went to the beach, we went to an aquarium called the Oceanografic, and we went out for some drinks and seafood dinner.

You’re probably wondering why this section is entitled “anxiety”. Well, what I’ve described to you so far is the bright-side of Valencia, however, in the back of my mind all I could think about was an email I had received on the first day I arrived in Valencia. I had been selected for a job interview, woohoo! The downside was, my laptop was not working and I had no minutes left on my phone. Moreover, the time of my interview was during Siesta hours in Spain, during which time all the shops were closed (this is usually from about 2pm – 5pm) so I could not even go to an internet cafe to use Skype. All I could think about was firstly, how am I going to have this interview and secondly, how am I going to practice, research and rehearse for it.

In the end, the interview did go very well. I did not manage to find a connection online, but I found a phone company that would only charge me five euro for an hour long phone conversation. Sure enough, in a few weeks I did end up getting a job offer as well. Success!

RELIEF!

So, the interview went well, I was able to spend time with some of my friends and I was making my way back up to Barcelona for my flight home. When I arrived I met up with a different set of friends. We partied exactly as much as we should, seeing as how it was our last two days on vacation. We did a little bit of sight seeing, but we mostly relaxed and enjoyed the time we had left. It was nice to be in a group of people I trusted again. It does not feel right to go out, when you don’t know people you are with, especially if you’re drinking because, not being fully aware is stressful in unfamiliar social situations.

We found a bar, called Ryan’s, that was having an anniversary and selling nine beers for five euro. What a great way to start  off the night:

At about 7am we called it a night well spent and retired to our hostels. A few of my friends headed to the beach to watch the sunrise, although I don’t know how they stayed awake. We spent the following day in the sunshine, resting on the grass of a nearby park. After that it was back on a plane and back to the Netherlands.

I will admit that I was my typical self, and had to apologize for being ME! No one can make a mistake like me, or as quick. I am good at what I do, and that ain’t bragging either.

When a person gets put on a mission from that person’s Higher Power, in this case – GOD, there is a purpose for this mission. GOD is not going to waste everyone’s time if that person was not chosen to take that mission! That person was chosen because that person could do it right. GOD is not going to put more burden on that person’s shoulder than that person can carry.

The person I was chatting with was questioning the INTENT OF THE MISSION! I beg your pardon! The person questioning the INTENT does not know yet what the mission is. I wonder why? Too many grounds in the coffee!

I know for a fact that this person has been chosen for a mission from GOD! It is the only way it could be, because the people involved just do not do these types of things, PERIOD! So, for these people to be even together speaking, let alone getting to know each other, shows that GOD’S HAND IS IN IT, or it would not be! These people have gone completely out of their ways to meet and kick this journey off.

Yet, from the start the road has been a little cloudy. Today, if was finally brought out as to the reason for this. The person was SECOND GUESSING GOD! This person for some reason has yet to accept that this person has been chosen for this mission, even though THAT FACT is common knowledge, or no one would have met.

See, when a person is chosen by GOD for a Mission, GOD IS IN CHARGE! All the people chosen can do is, FOLLOW, and see where it leads!
GOD already knows that there are going to be some turbulent waters and rocky roads because the general public really does not like Missions from GOD! They will do their best to cause trouble. So why try to create your own troubles?

Until the persons involved get on the same page and FOLLOW, the Mission is never going to start. This ain’t cool at all! I know I would not want to be the One that had to explain to GOD why the Mission did not get off the ground as planned by GOD! I would not want to trade places with this person. Besides, I already have plenty that I have to try to explain why I did not complete.

When choose for a Mission by GOD, just accept it, and be blissful. Not everyone was chosen, so that means that GOD knows that you can do the Mission. Regardless of what the Mission is, GOD is not going to steer anyone chosen wrong! There is a purpose for this Mission for GOD! So, there should not be any Second Guessing GOD!

I hope this can clear up any problems a reader might be having with a problem. Until the next article, keep up with the good work and ROCK ON!

As always,

Terry

After thinking a bit back and forth, I’ve decided that I want a new start. My inspiration was long lost, and my camera has been gathering dust for a long time. Now, as the sun has slowly started to show its face again, the inspiration has begun to grow inside of me. As a result of that, I’ve decided to start using this blog I created last summer. I have to admit that I don’t understand how WordPress works yet, but I hope it won’t be that hard to learn.

Anyways, here is a short introduction of me: My name is Karoline. I am a seventeen year old amateur photographer based in the middle of Norway. My intention in life isn’t to become a professional photographer, but I would really like to be able to use my photography to make a difference.

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world, is and remains imortal.”
-Albert Pine

So today, when I was at the natural history museum, naturally I took a photo of the stuffed red panda they have there. I think it may possibly be easier to steal an animal which isn’t capable of running away.

But unfortunately, I was eclipsed by Kellie, who went to the zoo today, and thus was able to provide photos of a live red panda, which I duly sent on to Dave, and got, in response, a text message saying:

Dggnkhhtfqdgjlhfcsvhigbehjbkrvstnukj!

So, yeah, if anybody has any advice on how to steal a red panda from Dublin zoo, or obtain one through more traditional means (he’s checked, it’s not illegal to have a red panda as a pet, just kind of frowned upon), do feel free to pass on some advice!

Dear Laura,

Thank you for trusting me with learning about your life. Though it was at times difficult for me to read about the pain you were going through, I found your book riveting, and admire you so much for being able to expose yourself to the world. Not only that, but you described your surroundings, the people in your life, and your feelings so well that I felt I could see you as you grew up in whatever place you were, and could understand your pain. Thankfully, that is all in the past. And, you showed enormous inner strength, that you probably didn’t even know you had, which helped you overcome that terrible time. Your writing this book should give much needed understanding and hope to others who are either struggling with similar problems, or know and love someone who is.

As I sorted, I took the opportunity to snap some photos, which can be both motivational and cautionary.  I plan to look at them from time to time to keep myself in check.  So, without further ado, here is my collection of motivational weight loss photos!

Size 16 jeans. I’m in a size 10 now. I definitely filled these out a few years ago.

Dress pants I was wearing at the start of this year. They’ve been good to me.

Massive khakis!

These are just a hot mess all around.

The not-so-mini skirt.

Large khaki shorts. I assume they got me through some hot summers in grad school These were a size 18.

The belt I wore with the shorts would need several more notches for me to use it now.

This skirt can’t stay up on it’s own.

I’m really sad about this one. It’s a quality dress from The Limited. I am going to keep it for now and see if it can be tailored.

I used to fill this shirt out. It’s so loose now!

I like this shirt, but I have to let it go. See the photo below for a comparison.

Awkwardly modeling and filling out that shirt.

That’s more like it!

And finally, for fun, I put on my junior year prom dress.  I wore it in May of 2003.  It still has one last turn as my Sleeping Beauty dress for Halloween.  Maybe this year?  Only time will tell.

Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” started playing on my iPod at this point. No joke.

The fabulous view from behind.

And finally, the reason I love this dress: It makes my waist look tiny!

There you have it.  I hope these photos have been motivational.  At the very least, taking them made cleaning my closet out much more fun.  :)

]]> http://xcaicsli.wordpress.com/2013/05/25/xcaicsli-wordpress-com/ Sat, 25 May 2013 22:17:09 +0000 xcaicsli http://xcaicsli.wordpress.com/2013/05/25/xcaicsli-wordpress-com/

The day before the ceremonious cleanse, I drink thirteen glasses of water. Thirteen exactly — maybe more; but no less. I do not eat heavy carbs like bread or rice. The weekend is usually when I take my exercises light as well, so I will be doing an hour-two hour yoga. It is a feel-good preparation to the upcoming day.

Everything is prepared for my ceremonious cleanse. I have a fresh eucalyptus on top of my showerhead, and a clean and fluffy towel. I immerse into the hot indoor rain; I exfoliate; I shave, if I must; and I condition my hair with rose and orange extracts mixed with my favorite conditioner. I get out of the shower with my conditioned hair, braid it all around my head so it does not touch my neck. I then lotion my body with nivea; argan, sent to me by my grandmother, on my face and shoulders; and then I pluck/maintain my eyebrows. I floss, clean my ears, and file my nails. I do this in the privacy of my own home, and so I do not keep anything on.

I am done with my ceremonious cleanse when I put my favorite perfume on; Paradise by Estee Lauder; I dab it behind my ears, my wrists, the sides of my breasts, my knees, and the top of my feet.

I then read. Today, after finishing this post, I will be re-reading Sofia Patrovna. I read until there is no more of the book to read. All in the privacy of my own home; with nothing on but my calm and braided head.

What an interesting proverb!

But… oops! ~sorry teacher never start a sentence with a connective!) what does it mean?

I am unsure, (despite having read it over and over), so I looked up The Message (Bible) which has a modern slant which can often enable us to understand more clearly.

The right word at the right time
    is like a custom-made piece of jewelery,

The Message (Bible)

I find this following version useful, for the part about the apples – not to be distracted or detract from the main point of the verse:

Timely advice is lovely,    

like golden apples in a silver basket. 

New Living Translation

Gold is more precious than silver and therefore the gold stands out against the silver and looks beautiful more so than brass or wood so in the same way to speak the right word to someone in the right place and time is also beautiful and beneficial.

We may need to speak to people of their need of Christ Jesus as Saviour.

And we have seen and testify that

(GOD) the Father has sent

(GOD) his Son to be the Saviour of the world.

 If anyone acknowledges that

Jesus is the Son of God, 

God lives in them and they in God. 

1 John 4:14-15

On the other hand we may need to come alongside those brothers and sisters in the church to encourage them all the more as The Day approaches.

Preach the word;

be prepared in season and out of season;

correct, rebuke and encourage-

-with great patience and careful instruction. 

2 Timothy 4:2

• summer school
• get a job
• volunteer at the hospital or the B&G Club
• study for the LSAT
• get involved with Christian community

Okay, so the list is shorter than I thought- but disregard that. What matters is that I have a plan. No more laissez-faire summer, where I just do whatever…these are words that I will put into action. Only downside is me not having a social life. Who needs one of those? LOLWHUT.

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn’t stop for anybody.”
― Stephen Chbosky

Life.

My last post was about the loss of my love, Pudgey. I am now raising weeks old kittens- they were younger than I was told when I got them and are currently up to 5-6 weeks. Gizmo and Wicket. It’s been over 20 years since I had kittens… it’s quite a lot of work compared to having a cat. Love it, though.

Wicket (L) & Gizmo (R)

Life changes.

Another semester ends and the preparations for the next begin. Completed my oral exams- minus the dissertation defense (mostly because I haven’t finished the damn thing)- with brilliant scores, again. Finished another round of TAing and am preparing for a new course this next term. Life continues.

New moves…

Have written an encyclopedic article in regards to castration. Looking forward to seeing it in print. Also, editing other articles and providing review and information for outside articles. It’s a very interesting experience to provide information and/or be responsible for clarifying something. I like it. The first piece is now online- about OCD.

Future plans.

What will I do next year? For the last year I’ve been working with kids- something I told myself I would not do. And 99% of the time I actually love it. That 1% being the bureaucracy of my agency- something that occurs in all types of this field, so I need to get used to it.  But what shall I be doing next year? That’s still up in the air. Hopefully, soon. And hopefully it’ll be something where growth and educational opportunities are at the forefront. I’ve had some great experiences. I’ve also had some absolutely dreadful ones. I’d prefer the former.

But with that change comes others… I look forward to new adventures. With the boys as back-up, I can take on anything.

In the news.

There have been a lot of stories in the news lately that are of a Forensic Psychology nature- the Ohio kidnapping, UK hate crime against a veteran, etc. Much like the recent Boston Bombings, I will not comment or allow commentary about these things until more is known. Right after the bombings in Boston I was asked questions about “why”. Something that even now, I am not comfortable commenting on because the information that has been presented is skewed by who presented it. Without actually being a part of the situations, there is no way to know everything (or at least enough to make comments). I am looking for inspiration, however, to post some more on psychological issues. Possibilities include stalking and obsession- two areas of interest to me. Let’s see what my brain put’s together. Actually, I wrote an awesome paper on stalking once… I wonder where it went.

I guess that’s it for me. Life goes on. For the most part I am enjoying it- even the occasional crying jag.

How FAB is that Louboutin bag?! And I have no words for that jacket by Talitha!!! Want!!!

woman

an ordinary young

woman

I see White Smoke

and green color

cool fingers

and an

uncontrolled afternoon

I see

cupidity

an eminent

crimson and

imagination

transfixed to the

afternoon

patrolling the night