It's like I can just reach out and touch the whole world!

I went to the cinema  today, to see Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs. There was one session beginning when we got there, and a 3D session beginning a few hours later. For a couple of bucks and a couple of hours wait, seeing it in 3D was totally worth it. Doubly so because I kept the glasses, I mean, who doesn’t want to see the world in 3D?

And the 3D technology these days is about a thousand and forty-eight times better than the red-and-blue cardboard-glasses days. And so much more stylish!

It's a new dimension!!!!

And in cinemas soon? Toy Story 1 and 2 in 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *eeeee*
Photos taken with my Nikon D3000.

I have written of the “high drama” here at the house as the “Championship of the World” crib tournament is being held between my Aunt Isabel and myself.

I described it as high drama, I could also say: tension filled the room, with much thought and care going into each card being played. I could say that but none of it would be true. There was a lot of laughing and joking, a great time being had. The results you may wonder about. Each game was close, with both fighting to peg points a the finish.

Hum, well how do I word this, I lost again. I consider this to be only a minor set back as we are about to go at it again.

I will point out I did consider myself “world champion” this morning. How did this come about may be asked. This morning I remembered something Aunt Isabel said last night. “I will leave it up to you as to when we have the actual tournament.”

This morning I am up, it is 5:00am. I am sitting at the kitchen table sipping my morning coffee. Her words came back to me and I realized I can call for the official tournament anytime I like. Yeah, there is no time like the present. I decided the official tournament would be held at 5:10am this morning. I mean she did say I could call it for anytime I wanted.

Now this did present me with a bit of a moral dilemma. At that time she was still in bed sleeping. Being a gentleman, I decided it was way to early to even consider knocking on the bedroom door to wake her up. I felt it was best to let her get her sleep.

What to do though, the official tournament time had been announced. The time came and went. As she failed to show up, the official judge (me) declared she had lost by default, forfeiting the title  and I was in fact the new champion.

I was able to bask in the glory of being the champion. I “basked” right up until the moment she actually got her hands on a deck of cards. My time of basking was then brought to an abrupt halt.

Ah, back to try again.

A special thank you to all that have offer their prayers for Vi’s mum. She remains in the hospital listed as being in fair condition. Hearing the word fair I had to question the meaning. She is stable but in considerable discomfort. From the swollen lumps and many bruises, I can understand the discomfort. Continued prayers please.

I have developped friendships in every job I’ve ever had.  I’ve become personally invested in the people I’ve worked with and the organizations I’ve worked for.   There have been pros and cons to that, to be sure.

Through the convenience of modern technology, most of those relationships remain in tact – to some degree or other – now. When I left my last job and began looking for the next chapter, I vowed to be less personally involved.   And so, when I accepted my current job, I followed through with that intention. I have been friendly but not overtly so.   I have asked but not really shared. I’ve kept to myself and run errands over lunch.

On Friday I was called into a “progress check” meeting with my direct supervisor. Evidently my “anti-social” behaviour is a concern and I need to make a greater effort to bond with my co-workers.   I should be “forging friendships that lead to trust”.   Also, that time last week when I left at 4:27 was noticed and is not acceptable.

Oh dear.

I want to make this work.
I really do.

Between that conversation and the feeling that I really am not required and that the work I’ve provided so far has fallen into an abyss (I receive no feedback though I ask).

I have to give serious thought over whether this is going to work for me – and for them.

Having said that I am going to commit 100% in the coming weeks and go from there. 

Perhaps 2010 will begin with a revelation and new opportunities.   Perhaps I have to create them for myself.

there are things in life
that cause us pain
there are people in life
that cause us pain
circumstances beyond all control
cause us to fall apart
never we tell the difference
living is miraculous
so ive heard
then why do so many
look forward to dying

This is a departure from the usual take on these verses.  What do you think?

  A prudent [man] foresees evil [and] hides himself; The simple pass on [and] are punished.

Proverbs 27:12

The wise see evil ahead and remove themselves from the place of temptation.  They leave!  The unwise stay and fall victim, then receive the consequences for their inaction.

If I see a situation is tempting me to do something I prefer not to thanks to the Spirit’s prompting, I leave.  One area is gossip in the workplace.  Many times I walk away rather than participate.  Sometimes I’m not so wise and engage in the conversation only to experience the conviction later.  Sometimes the words that are spoken come back to haunt me.

Romans 13:14  

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to [fulfill its] lusts.

Spend time in the Word, get to know Jesus so you can emulate him.  Provide sustenance for the spirit’s growth, not for the carnal nature. 

Where is my time spent?  In the word or satisfying selfish desires.  Trading time to play games rather than study the word, would be one example.  A constant battle to achieve a balance that pleases the spirit not the flesh.  Another would be other media entertainment or outside entertainment.  The point is to not give up time in the Word for time in entertainment of any type.  The point is not the avoidance of all play, where is the emphasis?, the focus, the desire?

2 Timothy 2:22  

Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Lets see, youthful lusts:  the “me” time of life, what serves my purpose, putting others down, scuffling over what I want and often turns to words that are hurtful and blows, more concerned if I am first, focus on what happens to me.  My students provide a good picture of this.  They struggle with preferring others, saying only kind words, not bragging.

So in my life, I still have struggles with a large ‘me’ complex.  When stories are shared, I must insert mine rather than just listen and enjoy and encourage.  Fear can enter quickly as in driving in the snow rather than having faith that God has protected me, is protecting me and will protect me.  Loving those who rub you the wrong way.  There are those at work who seem to constantly say things that are disparaging, or seemingly disrespectful.  On closer examination, they are not maliciously maligning, they are used by the enemy to create offense in us.  This is my struggle. 

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts.

And do not present your members [as] instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members [as] instruments of righteousness to God.

Romans 6:12-13

Holiness in the body is putting yourself last.  The closer we get to the Lord, the more we know Him, the more we love Him and our desires become His.  When I give in to what I want to do to satisfy my own desires whatever they may be, use of time is most basic, I am once again putting myself under the law and subject to the wages of sin is death.  When I am focused and driven by what He wants I am operating in freedom.  It doesn’t mean doing without, it means being in touch with his will in my life.

“THE KIDNAPPER” Photographic print – Courtesy of the FANTOM FACTION

I think you should know that successful blog post titles are straightforward; titles like the one above are supposedly confusing to the gods of Google and we blog writers are well advised to avoid them. But as you know, some of us are slow learners and I like to play with words.

I’m thinking you probably had a pretty hectic Thanksgiving holiday. It is such a blessing to share with family, and such a delight to sleep in your own bed again. Or if you played hostess, you’re probably enjoying some peace in your house today.

On our drive to Atlanta, my teenage son played some CDs he made for the occasion. On one of them he had recorded a song, The Rhythm of Life, by Sammy Davis, Jr. It’s a catchy tune, and the lyrics remind me of how our lives hang on the rhythms of holidays, school beginnings, birthdays, and music recitals.

A life well lived certainly has a rhythm to it, and it’s full of paradoxes. Think about these:

Time for family and time for yourself.

Money to save and money to have fun with.

Playing with children and hanging out with adults.

Exercise and rest.

Thinking and not thinking. (And like Einstein, getting your best ideas in the shower.)

Being fashionable and wearing whatever’s clean.

Getting things done and leaving space in your life for getting nothing done.

Making plans and allowing serendipity.

Eating healthy foods and eating chocolate candy.

Connecting with others, connecting with yourself.

Speaking and listening.

I read this by T.S. Eliot, the incredibly cool English poet, Teach us to care, and not to care; teach us to sit still.

In the holiday madness that is both fun and exhausting, I wish for you time to enjoy it all.

Including today we all have 33 days left in this decade.  Yeah, I said decade.  The 2000’s are just about over and the 2010’s are fast approaching.  How about some reflection on the 2000’s.  We started the year 2000 worrying that the millennium would be the end.  Well here we are at the end of 2009 and we are still here.

Think back over the last 10 years and where you were and where you’ve come, your career, family life, personal goals, dreams.  Be honest with yourself, are you where you want to be?  Do you have the relationships that you’d like to have made?  Have you lost touch with some important people in your life?

What about your job or career?  Are you still in the same job?  Do you have the job you wanted or thought that you’d have?  What about about money?  Do you make what you thought you would?  More or less?

Are there some things that you wanted to accomplish that you haven’t been able to start?  Or have you just given up on your dreams?

Okay, so these could be some seriously somber and depressing answers for some and some maybe exactly where they thought they would be.

What is the difference in those two types of people?  Why do some just accept where they are and live with the results that are given them while others go out and grab for what they want?

One of the things that make them different, in my opinion, is goal setting and planning.  I don’t believe that people understand how vitally important these things are to a person’s life.  We all need something in our lives to shoot for, a reason to do what we do, our individual “WHY”.

Do you know what your why is?  Well, the good news is that you have 33 days left in 2009 to figure this out and to determine how you want to change, in order to make the 2010 decade different than 2009.

All you have to do is think about what you aren’t satisfied with in your life and what you would like that area to be like.  Then make a conscious effort to change actions to make it what you want.

You can do it, just have to make the decision.

Yesterday, I mentioned a special prayer request, I would be making.

I ask for prayers for Vi’s mum, Nellie Chevillard. Nellie is in her 80’s and was hopitalized after taking a nasty fall. Nellie is a very determined and independant soul. Needing the use of the bathroom and upon finding the one on the main floor of her home was in use, she quietly went about climbing the stairs to the bathroom on the second level of the home.

She navigated her way part way up the stairs before taking the express elevator down. That is she came down heal over heels. Her trip up the stairway was done in such silence no one realized she was up and about. Not so with the trip down apparently the thumping and banging drew the attention of all.

An ambulance was called and she was rushed to the hospital. Thankfully xrays show no broken bones, just scraps and some really nasty looking bruises. Based on the bruises I saw nasty looking is an understatement.

Blessings can sometimes come in the most unexpected forms. How could this be considered a blessing in disguise. The xrays while revealing no broken bones did show a huge build up of fluid around her heart and lungs. Big enough that if left unattended could have well been fatal. Fluid build up, congestive heart failure is something I am very familiar with. Medication was and still is being administered to help her pass the excess fluid. Tests are scheduled to help determine the cause of this build up. Prayers please.

We tend to think of experience as superior to belief. But there’s a phrase that gives it away – Seeing is Believing.

The mind creates concepts about the world based on what we’re told and our own  experiences. With a few repeats, these are programmed into the habit mind. Future experiences remind us of prior ones, creating associations which are applied to the current situation. We are constantly relating events and self-reinforcing our interpretations of same.

This can work very well for things like ‘tigers are dangerous’ and ‘look before you cross the street’. We would be seriously handicapped if we had to consciously decide every little thing. Should I take a breath now? Time for a heartbeat? Talking, walking, eating, driving – all of it takes habituated behavior.

The problem arises when we save concepts that are wonky, false, or even dangerous. Or associate things that don’t belong together. We all collect some of this. It’s called conditioning. It also determines our world view or our “story” about life. Are strangers safe? Is money evil? Do I have enough? The list goes on and on.

When we look at “experience” a bit more closely, we notice a few things. Experience is only really in the moment, only true in that instant. As soon as it is no longer the moment of the experience, we are now interpreting the experience. We are already in the past a moment after something notable has occurred. We’re interpreting it based on the associations that arise. The strongest prior beliefs.

In other words, what we mean by “experience” is usually just a mixture of a memory of our interpretation of an experience and beliefs. Put yet another way, new beliefs and old beliefs. Most of our life is seen through belief habits.

What happens when the mind is silent? When there is no longer a need to tell a story about everything? We just have an experience and it is what it is. We can respond in the moment, unencumbered by the baggage of our past.

Of course, we all have a history. Memory associations and reactions will still arise. But if we don’t believe the story about them anymore, they will just bring us reminders and waves of feeling. Not a burden of fear. Just a natural response to what is present in the moment. A neutrality that takes the pain out of living and lets what is rise in our awareness. That sweet richness that underlies life.

This can give you an idea how much simpler life becomes when the story winds down. How much closer we can move to just being present, in the moment. We simply settle the mind by moving more deeply into being. Then life falls into the moment, out of the shadow.
Davidya

Because we all have a unique perspective on life negotiation and, by extension, compromise are crucial parts of all of our relationships with other people; see my previous article on Perspective which also describes the Parent-Adult-Child (PAC) model developed by Thomas A Harris which is referenced in this article. In my view, the key to successful negotiation is a clear, Adult (reality based) perception of the circumstances and of each person’s drivers, motivations and/or needs. This is as opposed to perceptions dominated by our Parent and/or Child (distorted reality or pure fantasy).

This doesn’t mean that we should ignore our Parent and/or Child; far from it. Our Adult cannot function effectively without input from both. In his book ‘Six Thinking Hats’ Edward de Bono (http://www.edwarddebono.com) describes a method of discussion that allows expression of all of the components of the PAC model…the Parent (Black Hat), the Adult (White, Yellow, Green and Blue Hats) and the Child (Red Hat). Read more about the ‘Six Thinking Hats’ at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_Thinking_Hats.

In another of his books, ‘How to Have a Beautiful Mind’, Edward espouses letting go of the need to be right; something I agree with wholeheartedly. He says:

“THE NEED TO BE RIGHT

This is very much tied up with the ego. An argument is a battle between egos. When you agree you seem to be submitting to the other point of view – so you lose. When you disagree you are asserting your ego and indicating that you may be superior. All this is reinforced by the emphasis on argument and debate in school and also in society, whether in government, the law courts or the media. In government, for instance, an opposition party will often seek to disagree with those in power, whatever the circumstances. Most people are now coming to see this as extremely silly.

If you insist on always winning an argument you end up with nothing more than you started with – except showing off your arguing ability. When you lose an argument you may well have gained a new point of view. Being right all the time is not the most important thing in the world and it is certainly not very beautiful.

A discussion should be a genuine attempt to explore a subject rather than a battle between competing egos.”

In my experience, the outcome of negotiation can be:

1. I/We Win – You Lose (Child and/or Parent)
2. I/We Lose – You Win (Parent)
3. I/We Lose – You Lose (Child and/or Parent)
4. I/We Win – You Win (Adult with Parent and/or Child input)

My view on these outcomes is as follows:

1. Driven either by our Child or our Parent. When this outcome is driven by the Child it is evidenced by a desire to control through domination. This has resulted in phrases such as ‘big swinging dicks’, ‘slaughtering the other side’, ‘chewing them up and spitting them out’ etc. When driven by the Parent it is evidenced by a desire for external approval and influenced by such sage advice as “second is nowhere”, “the winner takes it all”, “winning is everything” etc.
2. Driven by the Parent and evidenced by a desire to please. It is influenced by such sage advice as “the meek shall inherit the earth”, “always give of yourself”’, “turn the other cheek, “sacrifice is next to godliness” etc.
3. Driven by either the Child or the Parent. When driven by the Child it is evidenced by a “if I’m/We’re suffering then you’re going to suffer with me/us” approach when losing and the consequent efforts to sabotage negotiations even at the risk of further detriment or harm to themself/selves – the classic ‘cutting off of the nose to spite the face’. When driven by the Parent the influencing sage advice is “if you’re going down, take as many of them down with you as you can” as opposed to surrendering or otherwise gracefully accepting defeat…in many cases to fight another day.
4. This is the outcome I believe all negotiations should aspire to. It is driven by the Adult or Parent. When driven by the Adult it is based on a rational consideration of the, often irrational, input from our Parent and/or Child plus the prevailing external circumstances and a balanced consideration of what may happen in the future. Some of our greatest modern thinkers, such as Edward, have proposed extremely effective ways of negotiating that are very different from the traditional ‘You’re Wrong – I’m/We’re right’ approach. They favour a more objective, analytical approach such as the ‘parallel thinking’ method designed by Edward in 1985. As per the quote from Edward above, letting go of the need to be right is crucial in achieving Win-Win in negotiation. With reference to the book ‘I’m OK – You’re OK’ by Thomas (more information can be found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I’m_OK,_You’re_OK) I believe that this need to be right is a consequence of not being in the “I’m OK – You’re OK” state. This means we remain in the “I’m Not OK – You’re OK” state that we are in at birth and during the first few years of our lives or move to either one of “I’m Not OK – You’re Not OK” or “I’m OK – You’re Not OK” states. Ideally we should all move to the “I’m OK – You’re OK” state at some point during our lives and, consequently, be able to let go of the need to be right. Unfortunately not all of us complete the move to the “I’m OK – You’re OK” state – witness crusty old folk having a good old moan about how things are a lot worse than the old days! When driven by the Parent the influencing sage advice is “always play fair”; on the face of it this would appear to be the same as when driven by the Adult. However if driven only by the Parent fair play will be observed even when others are playing unfairly potentially leading to an underserved loss. The Adult will take the unfair play in to account and consequently engineer a fair Win-Win outcome.

In another of his books, ‘How to Have a Beautiful Mind’, Edward gives an example of ‘parallel thinking’ saying:

“CO-OPERATIVE EXPLORATION

Imagine there are four people standing around a square building. Each person is facing a different side. Each person insists that what he or she sees is the proper view of the building. They argue via walkie-talkies.

In parallel thinking each person would walk round to one side of the building. They would now each describe what they saw. Then they would all walk around to another side of the building and again describe what they saw. The same procedure for the third side, and then the fourth side.

So, all parties look at the matter from the same point of view and describe what they see. In the end there has been a full exploration of the building (the matter being discussed).

For the method of work (Note from Yernasia: I think that this was meant to read “For the method to work”), it is essential that at any moment everyone is looking ‘in parallel’ in the same direction.”

In yet another of his books, ‘Textbook of Wisdom’, he says:

“Parallel thinking is the opposite of traditional adversarial thinking, where each statement has to be judged before being accepted. In adversarial thinking, the ‘contradiction’ is a very important and powerful tool. Both sides of a contradiction cannot be right. One or other must go. Parallel thinking allows both sides of the contradiction to be laid down in parallel without interfering with each other. Later on, in the design phase, things can be sorted out.

Parallel thinking removes at once the urge to instant judgement. You do not have to accept something as ‘right’ because you have not rejected it as ‘wrong’. You simply accept it ‘in parallel’. Sometimes you can accept it as ‘possibly’ but even when you cannot accept something as ‘possible’ you still accept it in parallel.

Husbands usually complain that wives take far too many clothes on holiday. Husbands say that wives should decide in advance exactly what is going to be needed and to reject what is not going to be needed. Husbands complain that wives take six outfits with them so they can have the ‘luxury’ of choice at the holiday destination. Parallel thinking is what the wives are doing. They take everything along and then make the choice only when it has to be made. The husbands’ thinking is more like the traditional Gang of Three (Note from Yernasia: see below for an Explanation of the Gang of Three from Edward’s website) thinking: accept or reject at this point before packing it.”

Explanation of the Gang of Three

Sourced from http://www.debonogroup.com/parallel_thinking.php

“Argument and Critical Thinking

To this day, Western culture depends on this type of thinking. In family arguments, in business discussions, in the law courts, and in governing assemblies, we use the thinking system of the Greeks, based on argument and critical thinking.

I sometimes refer to prominent philosophers of this day as the “gang of three.” Who were the famous Greek gang of three, and how did they form the thinking habits of Western culture?

The Gang of Three Socrates (469-399 B.C.)
Socrates was trained as a “sophist.” Sophists were people who played with words and showed how careful choice of words could lead you to almost any conclusion you wanted. Socrates was interested in challenging people’s thinking and, indeed, getting them to think at all instead of just taking things for granted. He wanted people to examine what they meant when they said something. He was not concerned with building things up or making things happen.

From Socrates we get the great emphasis on argument and critical thinking. Socrates chose to make argument the main thinking tool. Within argument, there was to be critical thinking: Why do you say that? What do you mean by that?

Plato (c. 427-348 B.C.)
Plato is generally held to be the father of Western philosophy. He is best-known for his famous analogy of the cave. Suppose someone is bound up so that the person cannot turn around but can only look at the back wall of the cave. There is a fire at the mouth of the cave. If someone comes into the cave, then the bound person cannot see the newcomer directly but can only see the shadow cast by the fire on the back wall of the cave. So as we go through life, we cannot see truth and reality but only “shadows” of these. If we try hard enough and listen to philosophers, then perhaps we can get a glimpse of the truth. From Plato we get the notion that there is the “truth” somewhere but that we have to search for it to find it. The way to search for the truth is to use critical thinking to attack what is untrue.

Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
Aristotle was the pupil of Plato and the tutor of Alexander the Great. Aristotle was a very practical person. He developed the notion of “categories,” which are really definitions. So you might have a definition of a “chair” or a “table.” When you come across a piece of furniture, you have to judge whether that piece of furniture fits the definition of a chair. If it does fit, you say it is a chair. The object cannot both be a chair and not be a chair at the same time. That would be a “contradiction.” On the basis of his categories and the avoidance of contradiction, Aristotle developed the sort of logic we still use today (based largely on “is” and “is not”). From Aristotle we get a type of logic based on identity and non-identity, on inclusion and exclusion.”

…and in summary Edward says:

“Parallel thinking is the opposite of traditional adversarial thinking. Instead of judgement, both sides are laid down in parallel and then a way forward is designed.”

Put simply, I think he is saying that we should listen to and understand others points of view and be prepared to explain clearly and quietly our points of view. This, I believe, is the basis of effective negotiation.

Stay strong and serene.

Pondering this earlier…

Belief systems are a lot like computer systems. We use them daily whether we like it or not or are conscious about it. We work on them, protect them from *disease* or attack, do a restart, they crash, define our perspectives & experiences, & when they stop working all together, we try to *fix*… them or need to replace them with new ones in order to keep moving forward… or not.

Faith is reason grown courageous. 

Sherwood Eddy

I have always struggled with my faith. I struggle with the very idea of faith – much less putting faith into my life as a practice. I was raised to believe that God helps those who help themselves – and I come from a family of hard-working, do-it-yourselfers, to whom asking for help is anathema.

I remember in college, reading about Dorothy Day – a socialist reformer turned devout Catholic. I really connected with her story, because at one point in her narrative she says, “I could not go to God on my knees.” She could not conceive of surrender – the idea that she must do for herself, that she was the only one on whom she could reliably depend, was too ingrained. She struggled, and eventually she came to a point where she was able to have faith.

To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.
St. Thomas Aquinas

I remember that one sentence, out of all of the things that we had to read for that class. I could not go to God on my knees: I could not arrive in supplication; I could not allow myself to rely on that which was outside of myself; I could not have faith.

In recent years, this struggle has come to the forefront for me. I do believe in God – one who is loving, forgiving, patient, etc., etc. I do believe in mystical experiences, I do believe in miracles. I do believe that God has the power to and the ability to intercede in people’s lives. I guess the problem might be that I have a hard time conceiving of that God ever noticing me enough to intercede in mine?

Whatever my hang-ups, of late, I have been presented time and again with situations that demand my faith, first – and then what I long for materializes. Maybe that doesn’t sound difficult, but it is for me. And, I find it ties into what I am facing on my path to mastery: if you have faith, you do not worry; if you have faith, you can honor others; if you have faith, you have no need for anger. Aack.

In honesty, I long to have the kind of faith that would leave me with the certainty and security of knowing that, like the lilies of the field, I will be provided for. I long to have the sensation and knowing that I am held in the palm of God’s hand – safe, loved, and protected…treasured.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching about this. I am trying to discover how to bend, to trust, to allow – instead of being so stubborn, so myopic, so determined to do it my way. Especially since when I do let go of the need to control, things FLOW – things go perfectly, and I am cared for – things materialize, and I have to struggle so much less than when I try to do it all on my own.

Faith is not trying to believe something regardless of the evidence; faith is daring something regardless of the consequences.
Sherwood Eddy

It seems like such a small cost, doesn’t it? Just have a little faith, and invest that faith. For me, that is like asking me to hand over limbs. It’s so safe here, behind my intellect and reason – so safe trusting in only me; no one can disappoint you if you never give them the opportunity to do anything for you. It’s also a very lonely and isolating way to live. One of my refrains is that “I am tired of feeling like Atlas – I am tired of holding up the world.” It’s exhausting to never trust anyone enough to allow them to do things for you – it’s bone-wearying to try to be the God force of your own life.

Along with the soul searching, I have been trying to put my faith into action in my life. I actually used to be rather good at this, but I also used to be very optimistic, and kind of naive. Then, I went through a divorce, and all of that changed for me. I became much more skeptical and cynical – much more negative, and so unwilling to allow people into my sphere, my trust, enough to disappoint me. At that time in my life, I just couldn’t take anymore disappointment. I would have rather been driven to my knees by the sheer weight of the world, rather than bend them willingly in faith.

If I purport to be actively walking on a path to mastery, then I cannot allow myself to continue this faithlessness with consciousness, and I recognize the need for a shift. The question is how? How to willingly bend, how to let go control? How to master the fear that relinquishing control creates? How to have faith that I can allow it all to fall out of my hands, and into God’s?

I have been presented with some very strong lessons in this in the past year (a kind of wonderful-terrifying, fabulous-frightening year). Situations kept coming to the forefront. On the one side, I stood there, with a white-knuckled grip on things, and deeply unhappy. In order to obtain the things I deeply wanted, I came to see that the only way to get from here to there was to have faith, and to take a leap – a nigh impossible task. The fact that I did it at all is due to the fact that I cannot stand the idea of being a hypocrite (I’m always telling people to take risks and really live their lives – how can I do less?) and that the potential happy outcomes were beyond enticing.

Faith is courage; it is creative while despair is always destructive. 

David S. Muzzey

The most confounding part of all of it is that I have had burning bush moments – times in my life when I knew without a doubt that I walked with the Divine, that God was a presence and active force in my life. I have seen the joys born out of having faith in that Divine wisdom and will and power, and experienced them firsthand. So, why is it so hard to bend to that faith time and again?

All of my questioning, all of my soul-scouring searching, all of this struggle . . . and at the end of the day, I must face the fact that I already know what I must do – get out of my own way, get out of God’s way, and allow. To stand in the knowledge that faith has moved mountains in my life – and that if I can relinquish control long enough, my entire reality could shift.

Namaste,

One Seeking Faith

No matter how we feel, think, or believe, there is unity in our diversity.  We just have to find that one thing that bonds us together.  Finding that one thing we all have in common is the first step to solving any problem.  No matter how far apart we are in our feelings, thinking or beliefs, finding that common ground enables us to come together and find a solution that we all can live with.  This is true in our personal lives as well as in politics.

Some years back I took classes in Family and Divorce Mediation.  I was planning on hanging out my shingle and helping people find solutions to their obstacles.  Learning and doing are not the same thing and I found it difficult to remain unbiased during the process.  My hat is off to those who can do it without having the training and skills of a lawyer.

What I learned, however, has not left me and it has served me well at times.  Mediation is not a win/lose process.  The mediator must find common ground that will enable the parties to eventually come to some agreement that they can both live with.  The mediator must take two parties who are angry, hurt, and suffering and guide them gently to a compromise.  This is not easy.

Having said this, I feel that the same process can be applied to almost any situation.  I have heard about neighbors who don’t get along.  This is so sad, since both have to live where they do and moving is sometimes not possible.   A lot of the time we are “right fighters”, as I’ve heard Dr. Phil say time and time again.  We decided that we have to be right and we will do anything to prove it.  In order to do that we have to go to any length to either prove the other person wrong or sway them around to our point of view.  Either way, the problems are bound to escalate.

Why am I bringing this up?  Every problem starts somewhere.  If we can go back to that first moment and understand the dynamics of the problem from the very first moment, we have a chance of stopping the problem before it becomes unfixable.

Both people often feel like victims.  At that point the problem solving goes out the window.  It takes two to fight.  Therefore, there are two victims and two perpetrators.  No one is at fault all the time.  Each person usually takes turns by making very bad choices which take the disagreement to a new level.

We want to feel vindicated.  We want our suffering to be acknowledged.  We want it to stop.  But what are we willing to do to be part of the solution?  If we are not part of the solution then we are part of the problem.  These misunderstandings are usually created when someone feels disrespected, snubbed,  their personal property damaged, or their privacy and autonomy in jeopardy.

So, what steps can we all take to start mending fences?  If you feel your rights have been trampled on in some way, what do you do first?

Step #1          Purchase a journal.  Start documenting those things that you find offensive.  Don’t just write down what happened, include details of how it made you feel and any expense that was incurred as a result.  Try to explain in as much detail as you can what you are objecting to.  Make it as precise as possible.  If you can’t explain it so you understand it, no one else will understand it and communication is important.   Make sure you write down dates, names, places, and everything you can think of.  Were there any witnesses?

Step #2        Sit down and go over your journal entries regularly.  Try to figure out why you are so angry.  Is it something from your past that you are reacting to in the present or is it a real problem that needs to be addressed.  Try to find the root of the problem and why you may be reacting so badly to the situation.  Sometimes it is simply that the other person is not taking responsibility for their actions or the actions of friends or family members, not to mention pets.  Knowing these things helps clarify it. But do your homework before you snap.

Step #3        If this is an ongoing situation that can’t be ignored, it is time to address your concerns to the other person.  Call and set up a time when both of you can sit down in a neutral place like a restaurant or other public place to discuss it.  It might be wise to bring along a friend and urge the other person to do the same.  Be nice about it.  Coming to the table angry will not serve your cause.

Step #4       Write down what you want to say.  Be prepared.  Ask the person to let you say what you need to say and then she can have her turn uninterrupted.  Explain that you want to find a solution to the problem that you both will be happy with.  Then be respectful when she speaks and try to understand her point of view as well.  This is the point when a solution is most likely to be found.  Make sure you look at how she sees the problem from her perspective and try to find some common ground to work from.  Allow her to be part of the solution and do not dictate the solution.  There are two sides to every story.  Ask questions about what is going on in their life as if they are your best friend.  Share with them those things that they might need to know in order to understand your situation.  Are you a day sleeper?  Have you had a recent illness?  Have you been going through some tough times and might be a little sensitive right now?  Anything that you can share could be potentially helpful.  anything they share can be something to ponder.

Step #5        Assure the other person that they have been heard and impress upon them that you will take what you have heard home and think on it.  Then, really think on it in earnest.  Find the common ground.  Try to put yourself in their place.  Offer your help in some way that may take a burden from their shoulders or offer a solution they may not have thought of. But don’t back them into a wall.  They will come out fighting and that is not what you want.

Everyone’s situation is unique.  But, there will also be commonalities that you can use as a spring board.  What ever you do, have compassion and come at the problem from the point of view that the person may not even be aware there is a problem.  It probably is not a deliberate act against you.  And, there might be a good explanation that you can understand or you might lite on a solution that you can do to solve the problem for yourself.  I have always believed that good fences make for good neighbors.  It may be as simple as a good fence.  Don’t resent the other person for making this problem for you.  Your fence might just ease her burden too.

Chris

Another week, another blog, but with a new enthusiasm!

This week hasn’t been spectacularly different to any other week in my life, the usual lunch dates, the same work routines and normal social gatherings, however this week I’ve stood back and truly appreciated the people in my life.

As always, my family is there for me, whether it be a roof over my head or giggling over attacking hedgehogs with a spatula (don’t ask…) or even being told off for leaving a tiny bit of coke in the bottle and not throwing it away because it would be no use to anyone else! I have no idea why I’m appreciative for that last comment, but bear with it there will be a moral somewhere…
Then there is the new circle of friends that seems to have developed over the last couple of months.  We had always been acquaintances, but never truly friends until this point.  There have been so many instances in the past few months that have seen us leaning on each other and offering support, you all know my one and I don’t think I would have come through it as well as I have had it not have been for these people.
Now I’m not talking the friend that you have that one conversation with about a boy and they tell you to dump them, I’m talking the friend that has the same conversation about said boy time and time again.  Anyone who has been through any type of hurt, and I’m not just talking love here, will understand that it takes time to heal and that process has a huge range. 
I’ll give you an example.  In the first week of my last breakup, I was an emotional mess.  I wouldn’t leave the house, I spent my time lying on my bed and crying (and I’m not being overly dramatic here!).  All through the week, my friends phoned me briefly just to see if I was ok, or if I needed anything, and then let me be…. until the day seven came.  On the last day of that week, I had an unexpected visit from my two very best friends who forced me out of my bedroom, shoved me in a car and we did nothing but drive for an hour listening to Kelly Clarkson.
Nothing was said, I wasn’t pushed, we went to MacDonald’s and I just verbally vomited. What a nice image for you! Ha Ha!
What I mean is, I sat in MacDonald’s and ranted, cried, despaired… the lot.  They sat there and listened.

I can understand all those self-help guides on the internet now that say surround yourself with a support network, friends and family who love you.  To have those people close to you, there for you, really helps and makes you realise that life isn’t over because of one tragedy!
So, to any of my friends who are reading this now and have seen me through to the other side of all this, I’d like to say thank you.  I love you.

This chapter of my life is closed now, it was merely my introduction and now I have the rest of my novel to write…

x

A key aspect of having effective relationships is the recognition of the multiple personalities within us and within others. Based on the Parent-Adult-Child (PAC) model conceived by Thomas A Harris I think that our multiple personalities have their foundations in one or more of our Parent, Adult and/or Child. See my article on Perspective for more information on the PAC model.

In extreme cases these multiple personalities manifest in the form of severe mental illness such as multiple personality disorder and schizophrenia; read more about:

• Mental Illness at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_illness

• Multiple Personality Disorder at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_identity_disorder

• Schizophrenia at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia

Fortunately for most of us, experiences of these psychological extremes are rare occurrences. Anybody who has been through severe emotional distress such as denial, anger, grief etc will have experienced these extremes even if just for the briefest of moments. These temporary extremes can be described as altered states which can also be caused by stimulants, relaxants, and depressants (e.g. alcohol, cigarettes, drugs etc). I think that stimulants, relaxants and depressants primarily affect our Child while weakening the function of the Parent and Adult. My rationale being that the effects are intense, uncontrolled and temporary. Natural stimulation and relaxation methods such as good eating, exercise, play, appreciation of the outdoors and meditation also primarily affect our Child but under ‘supervision’ of the Adult with input from the Parent and are therefore of a lasting nature. See this article for more on altered states:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altered_state_of_consciousness

In my view, the most common form of altered state is rage, anger at its most intense. When a person is in this state they are manifesting a very different personality from the one that they usually do. The Rage Personality has its foundations in our Child. Rage can be hot and loud such as road-rage or cold and silent such as resentment. Regardless of whether it is hot or cold, when rage takes over we are not our normal selves and may end up saying or doing things that we regret. Guilt invariably follows a Rage Personality episode and often creates a vicious cycle of rage-guilt-rage-guilt-rage-guilt as we attempt to justify our destructive expression of our rage instead of apologising; a state of affairs which almost inevitably leads to conflict.

So we need to develop means of detecting the build up of rage and managing its expression. Put simply we should avoid interacting with others when we are angry. We should count to 10, go for a walk, meditate; anything but expressing the rage at others. When we have calmed down and our Adult has reasserted itself with input from the Parent we can resume our interactions with others and work towards resolving the causes of the rage.

Here are a few examples of personality types that may exist within us:

Fantasist

I think that the Fantasist Personality operates primarily through the Child and has higly idealistic expectations. When these expectations are not met tantrums and sulking are among the inevitable consequences. In my experience the Fantasist Personality is responsible for those who, inappropriately, have multiple relationships dropping and replacing those that fail to meet their expectations. Typically they will ‘exhaust’ an area then move elsewhere to repeat the pattern.

Perfectionist

I think that the Perfectionist Personality operates through the Parent with expectations that everything should be “perfect”. In extreme cases this may manifest as Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). Read more about OCPD at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_personality_disorder. My view is that the Perfectionist Personality is responsible for those who move on from relationships when things become “imperfect”.

Victim

This one is interesting because I think the Victim Personality operates primarily through the Parent and is also heavily influenced by the Child. The Victim Personality recalls and replays memories of put downs and admonitions etc stored in the Parent and the associated feelings stored in the Child. The Victim Personality only seems comfortable in the “poor me” mode, feeling undeserving of respect or praise. I think that it is responsible for those who move on from relationships where they are being treated with respect, kindness and consideration.

Controller

I think that the Controller Personality operates primarily through the Child with a drive to control everything in order to avoid replays of past upsets. It is responsible, in my view, for those who move on when they perceive that they are no longer in control.

Stay strong and serene.

This also was an essay for Mulqueen during Senior year. It was part of a series titled “character,” which the Hipster Manifesto was included in.

If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
however measured or far away.

Henry David Thoreau

Recently I have found myself to be the owner of a pair of leather boots. It was not by any normal route which I acquired this particular form of footwear; they were given me by a man who had himself already worn these boots for a significant period of time. Unfortunately his feet grew to be much too large for them, and until the recent date of which I speak they sat idle in his home, serving no itching foot and carrying no heavy load. Now, though, I find them in my own home. As I consider them, the most intriguing thing is not how they came to be mine, or who they came to me from, but rather the way they carry the miles they’ve trodden, and how they very nearly talk. Boots tell a story about the man who walked in them; where he went, what he was looking for, and what he became.

It is of little importance what the name of the person who walked in these boots was. What is greatly important is the path that he walked in them. How he walked can be seen in the tiny pictures drawn by the scratches on the leather uppers and by the grooves worn into the soles; I can only imagine that he followed in the early footsteps of Christopher McCandless. Hotfooting across pavement of desert roads and slogging through the deep waters of the deciduous wilderness rivers, he searched for the meaning of life in the solitary areas that remain. Maybe instead he sought meaning in the unfulfilled ambitions of Chris’ dying days. Working hard in the concrete jungles of the populated places of the world and standing for hours on unforgiving ground to support his family.

Whichever road he traveled, he traveled it long and hard, and he had these boots as his companions for the full length of his journey. They were made for heavy wear: manufactured by hand in Italy of cowhide leather, they are fully waterproof and fitted with a sturdy sole, to carry a man on the roughest terrain. They’ve worn well, and they have many miles left to be worn.

At the outset of my life I’ve acquired them. I can see the blemishes that they’ve been given already; I can feel the way they form to my feet. I know now that it feels good to wear experience on my foot. It’s a reassuring feeling; it gives me a sense of readiness for the adventures that may be found in this footwear. I have still to experience life in these shoes, and I eagerly await my chance to put some life into these boots again.

As I consider them, I am moved also to consider the shoes that I’ve already worn. A pair of white Nikes, I came by them just as most other people come by their own shoes: in a shoe store, searching for foot coverings. Looking for shoes cheap and practical, I found these to be them. I cannot recall how long they’ve been mine, but like the boots described already they tell a story about my life: where I’ve been, what I was looking for, and what I’ve become.

Today they have a hole in the toe. It is a ragged and colorless tear that tells the story of rough wear and hard work. The first service mission I ventured on found me in ankle-deep mud, shoveling rocks, slop, and trash out of a ditch. Hard work has a way of wearing on the body and on the tools it uses; I was tired and the shoes I wore were grossly abused.

I wasn’t looking for anything on that trip; what I found was a new hole in my shoe and an old hole in my life. In moving to serve others I found myself being served, and my eyes were opened to the depth and richness of life that I was missing. Some of the most profound memories of my life originate on that same service mission. It was the beginning of my venture into the bottomless well of spirituality and personality.

Feet keep an excellent record of life’s richest moments, and the shoes and boots that accompany them are etched forever with the events that have been lived in them. Over the course of a life, a good set of footwear can pick up on the life of the wearer, and reflect his being in the all-absorbing dullness of worn leather.

Unemployment stands at 10.2% nationally and will likely continue to climb.  When you factor in people who are either underemployed (translation: working part-time) or have stopped looking for work altogether, the rate of unemployment actually stands at 17.5%.  Yes, it is okay to gulp.  I have just over 14 years of professional work experience, and I have NEVER witnessed or experienced this type of declining job market.  To say that it is bad is a complete understatement.  I know too many highly qualified, educated and experienced professional people who have become victims of this recession and declining job market.  Many have had to reinvent themselves and/or change industries entirely.  Changing industries in a declining job market out of necessity is no easy task, especially if most of your experience and professional track record stem from one particular industry.  I consider myself to be extremely fortunate and grateful to still have a job under these adverse circumstances, which is the premise for this entry.

I use to work for a large, national bank headquartered out of Cleveland, Ohio.  I departed in 2007 and joined a very small company.  When I joined the new company, I made a commitment to myself and my new employer that I would not only check my ego at the door (which I will admit was pretty big), but I would remain open-minded and flexible regarding any projects, assignments or tasks for which I would be assigned.  When I departed the aforementioned bank, I was considered a top-performer; in fact, I was the top-performer on a Nationwide Business Development Team.  Joining this new company, I was now the low man on the proverbial totem pole.

I took on and accepted all-manner of assignments, no matter how over- or under-qualified I may have felt.  Now, I am not saying I always enjoyed it, but this mindset I had and still have to this day enabled me to stay employed.  The team that I was proud to be a part of no longer exists today.  And yet, I still remain.  I have a completely different job function today, but the more important thing to note is that I still have a job.  If I were not willing to take on any assignment/project/task, no matter how big or small, no matter how over- or under-qualified I may have been, I am fully convinced that I would be contributing to the increasing unemployment rate.  You will never hear me utter the words, “That is not in my job description.”  As far as I am concerned, my job description is whatever my employer needs me to do.  I am fortunate in that I work with numerous individuals who shares this same perspective as I do. 

As the holidays continue to descend upon us, giving thanks while keeping perspective can help you to make your way and experience the truly positive things that life and work can offer.

I was awakened with a loud water noise on my roof this morning.

It was actually Raining.

Wow!  There has been NO measurable rain in San Diego, CA. since June.

Gee, a little bit of Hail too.

Off to clean out my raingutters.

Last night was “date night Friday”. We walked up to Stark Street to the Academy Theater and watched Julie & Julia. Good flick. It made me hungry.

Or shall I say, it made me want to gorge my eyes out with pizza from the original Flying Pie Pizza. The Presto pizza is so good!

Hence, the photo I captured here.

But really, I began to think that maybe I’ll be famous one day writing this blog and posting my daily photos. Although, Julia Childs was Julie Powell’s mentor / idol / “invisible friend” and I don’t yet have one. I don’t have a famous photographer who is my all time idol. Maybe I should research Ansel Adams? Is he still alive? I don’t even know this.

I’ve definitely got some homework to do.

Assyrian tablet depicting Phoenix rising from its own ashes

Nobody wants to be bogged down by deadlines, traffic jams, daily pressures which business imposes on our lives, but they are a reality. The gift is not to allow those pressures to impinge on our conscious-ness ALL of the time: to set aside some moment, daily, for what’s going on INSIDE, not outside in our lives. The trick to maintaining a healthy mind within a body that’s built to withstand some stresses is simple: it’s called switching off.

Everyone needs to switch off, to become unglued, to take a Holiday. That’s why Thanksgiving is such a huge celebration in the American continent: the international home of Big Bizness. This time of gratitude covers every race, creed, religious sect and subgroup: everybody celebrates. A timeout that takes us away from the increasing world pressure to ‘take care of business’. It gives us an overview of life; if only for one weekend in the year.

With a feeling of joy for what we are grateful for in our lives comes a per-spective on how our lives have turned out; from where we started. We look at the last year and give thanks: for our home, our family and our friends. Sometimes we give thanks for a lot of years: and see how our past has become our present.

They say it’s not good to dwell in the past. However there are some lessons from the past that we, with the miracle of technology, may use. They teach us to hold an overview.

Yes. Crop circles, among others, point the way.

Over the last decade we’ve been treated to a deluge of them: now more than a mere curiosity: they are perhaps showing us how to ‘be’.

Using techniques as diverse as pictograms, mathematics, animal and nature symbolism and digital ‘language’, these crop glyphs have become increasingly sophisticated and, like our own society and consciousness, their influence is expanding.

Last summer alone brought eye-witness reports from unbiased observers who believe personally and irrevocably in their ‘power’ to convert. Visitors to crop circles have experienced a ‘transformation’, feeling of ‘oneness’, a change in conscious-ness, a sensation of love for their fellow beings. These human emotions are backed up by changes and fluctuations in on-the-ground readings monitored by digital and electronic equipment used to measure the electromagnetic flow.

Even for those of us not conversant in the language of mathematics, the evidence has already brought the scientific community on board. Carl Sagan, astrophysicist and author of ‘Cosmos’, said before he died in 1996 at the age of 62: ‘Mathematics is the Rosetta Stone of the Universe’. This interpretive Rosetta Stone is evident in enough crop circles to satisfy the most skeptic mathematician.

Euclidean sacred geometry in pyramid crop circle July 2009

Optical Pyramid at Chesterton, Harbury Warwickshire July 2009

Take another form of Kornkreis symbolism: images depicting birds, insects: the dragonfly, the human butterfly, the honeybee and bumblebee; swallows: all symbolic of flying, reaching beyond ourselves into the stratosphere of consciousness, beyond our mortal coil: suggesting our need to connect with our higher selves, superconscious, looking perhaps to encourage Mankind to connect as one, as a collective conscioiusness; holy, whole.

Hummingbird crop circle of July 2009 at Milk Hill, Wiltshire

Nazca line Hummingbird, created between AD300-600 in Peruvian High Desert

Stretching for hundreds of miles through the Altiplano Peruvian high desert, the lines form geoglyphs cleared in the land surface. Made by Nazca laborers, they follow riverbeds that flow from the Andes. This high desert terrain stretches for over 1400 miles along the Pacific coast and the Pampa Colorada, or Red Plain of deep red sandstone where Nazca art was created, runs 15 miles inland and for 37 miles alongside the Andes. Nazca workers cleared the surface of stones, revealing lines of lighter clay underneath. Because of its dry climate (humidity quotient almost zero), these imprints have remained in the landscape for the last millennium and a half.

Nazca Monkey line drawing in the Peruvian Altiplano AD300-600

Because of our programming as a society, taught for millennia to believe what we see in our three-dimensional world, it has taken us all of the last hundred years even to agree with Einstein that the possibility of a fourth dimension is conceivable. Only now are we beginning to realize that the suggestion, taught for centuries by esoteric spiritual disciplines, that we are part of an even-greater Whole of seven, nay, twelve, perhaps infinite dimensional realities, may have validity: that we may indeed be sending ourselves messages to trigger our soul memory that it is time to wake up and become the spiritual beings we were intended to be.

We Are The Ones We Have Been Waiting For. It has a ring to it.

Yatesbury Phoenix appeared June 2009

Looking to and from the stars: are we indeed beginning to see the stellar perspective?