“There is a maximum permissible threshold for the amount of profanity you are permitted to use when you portray Santa Claus at the Central Valley Shopping Centre,” said Julia. “That threshold is none. No profanity. Whatsoever. Why was that not obvious to you?”

Julia didn’t scream. She had fired enough people that she knew that volume couldn’t help anything. At the same time, she really wanted to, and she was trembling from the effort it took to not scream.

Walt was too busy suppressing his own rage tremors to notice, however. He picked at his clammy Santa costume and answered in tones tense enough to launch rockets. “I understand that, in general, a mall Santa should not swear while children are sitting on his lap. I feel, however, that there are some extenuating circumstances.”

“And do you really believe that these extenuating circumstances justify your use of the ephitets ‘God damn it,’ ‘Son of a bitch,’ ‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ and ‘Holy bastard crap fuck’?”

“You weren’t there.”

“Jingles the elf told me, and Mrs. Clause corroborated.” Walt blanched at this explanation. Richard had struck him immediately as an oily fellow whose greatest pleasure was sowing chaos, while Hannah was a bubble-headed young actress wannabe so easy for him to manipulate because she had no thoughts of her own. “Of course,” Julia continued, “the last one, the ‘holy bastard crap fuck,’ was uttered loudly enough for me to hear it from this office. As this office is about a thousand feet away, plus two floors up, from Santa’s Wonderland, I have to reach the conclusion that you said this at a somewhat extreme volume. I am frankly surprised that your throat didn’t burst.”

Julia sniffed, realizing that there was an unpleasant odor in the air and that it eminated from Walt. “By the way, you smell bad.”

“Yes, I do.” Walt pointed to his Santa pants, which Julia noticed for the first time were soaked.

She softened her voice, dialing her anger down to empathetic disappointment. “Walt. When you went through Santa training, weren’t you warned that you’d be working with excited young children, and that on occasion they might have accidents?”

Walt smiled a brittle, sandpapery smile. “Yes, I was, Julia. And if you interview Jingles and Mrs. Claus, I believe you will find that when I was urinated upon, my reaction was understanding, and even jolly.”

“Then what was the problem, Walt?”

“The problem, Julia, was that the urination was not an isolated incident. Once that first little girl tinkled on my lap, there was, if you’ll forgive my terminology, a steady stream of copycat pissers.”

“They’re children, Walt. They’re susceptible to peer pressure.” Julia waved her finger with the excitement of a fresh idea. “Or, maybe, it’s pheromones. You know, like animals marking their territory.”

“I wonder how many times you could be marked before you began using language unbecoming a Santa Claus, Julia?” Julia shrugged in response; she had to admit he had a point. “It wasn’t even just the young children. About twenty or so pissings in, there was a little old lady with her walker with the tennis balls on the bottom. And she just pushed through the Santa’s Wonderland ropes, and came right up to me, and hiked up her dress, and peed on me standing up. Tell me, Julia, did she just confuse Santa’s Wonderland for a bathroom, and me for a toilet, and standing up for sitting?”

“I don’t know,” Julia squeaked, beginning to squirm with the sense that her anger was badly misplaced.

Walt, however, had hit his stride. “Or a little bit later, when what can only be described as a pee balloon fell from the second-story balcony and exploded onto what can only be described as my head? Do you not feel that you might utter the phrase ‘Holy bastard crap fuck,” in response to that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why don’t I let you find out?” With that threat, Walt began stripping. He slipped off his boots, pouring the contents of one into the other as a demonstration, then wrapped the boots in the velvet  Santa jacket, and bundled that package inside the Santa pants.

He tossed the whole thing in a perfect arc that just grazed the office ceiling before landing on Julia’s desk.

The costume plopped, and it squelched, and most of all, it splattered—across the desk and the contracts and the memorandums and Julia herself.

Considering his point made, Walt turned wordlessly and marched out of the office, his head high despite being clad only in a pair of briefs and facing a walk to the other end of the mall to retrieve his street clothes from the employee locker room. He did slip one time in the dribbled trail he created when he entered the office, but nobody saw fit to acknowledge it.

Julia reached for a tissue to wipe herself off, but the box was soaked through. The office had its own bathroom, where she would made some attempt at cleaning herself up.

The Santa suit could be cleaned, and the office disinfected, so she considered her immediate problem. Central Valley Shopping Centre needed a new Santa. Richard was next on the list; they could make do without a Jingles for a few days, or even the entire season if need be.

When she gave him the news, Richard reacted with sedated pleasure. He was, in fact, overjoyed, but celebrating would be unseemly. Why reveal the number of disgusting favors he had called in to engineer the move?

*****

Yesterday I went to the Lincoln Park Zoolights display of Christmas lights. It’s oppressively wholesome cheese in the extreme, which I like in very small doses because it always tends to give my my most demented ideas. This is one of them.

No specific plans for where this might be used. There are a lot of places it might fit, and I could also see adapting it as a filmed sketch for my comedy troupe Three Legged Race.

Jack, and if you can believe this, Jill, met via online dating. For Jack, he grew tired of going out to clubs with his friends just to stand and watch others dancing and meeting at night clubs. For Jill, she had heard from a few girlfriends that for all the hoards of frogs that there are out there, a few princes do exist. Two of her girlfriends found compatible mates and married and so for Jill, she felt that there was hope for her.
As far as curves and scales go, both Jack and Jill were moderately attractive. Jack started working out a few years back when his father had quadruple bi-pass surgery. In the recovery room, Jack’s father had tubes sticking out of his chest and a breathing device strapped to his face. The idea that he one day could end up like his father in a hospital, drove Jack to begin to begin physical exercise around the age of thirty. Jack was thirty five on the first date with Jill. Aside from being fit, Jack wore horned rim glasses and wore his hair on weekends to look like rats ran about on top of his head. Hair went every which way and stayed that way with the help of mousse. Jack looked at the models in his Men’s Health Magazine and decided that if he was going to land the woman of his dreams, he had better get more hip with the look. Jack showed up in a collared shirt untucked with a black vest, worn looking jeans that were frayed at the bottom and a pair of black shoes. The Men’s Health Magazine told him to wear cologne with Pheromones so that subliminally his date would be more prone to want him sexually. Something about neurotransmitters something something. Men don’t remember the details as much as they remember that the pheromones can trigger sexual excitement.
Jill had posted a really attractive picture of herself with her ex-boyfriend who was really her fiancé but since there was never really a true date picked, he was more of an uncommitted boyfriend. The picture was from New Year’s Eve 2001. Jill had a great smile in the picture; she was trim and showed maximum cleavage in her silvery sparkling dress. All that remained in the picture that would lead anyone to think that she was with someone was the hand that rested on her shoulder without a body on the other side of it. Yes the picture was of Jill and yes it was from nine years earlier, but she really did not think she had aged that much or gained that much weight and her smile created the best picture of herself that she could ever remember taking. Jill dressed in a summer dress that went a few inches above her knee and showed off her toned legs and arms. Jill had been running along the banks of Lake Michigan and had a healthy look to her. Jill was confident albeit nervous to be meeting yet another man at a restaurant in downtown Chicago in hopes of finding someone that would be compatible enough to lock in with or at least want to see again. On paper and in the brief conversations, Jack seemed like a regular guy and so she agreed to meet Jack for dinner.
Jill sat at the bar of the Spanish Restaurant and ordered Sangria while she pretended to look at a message on her cell phone, fully aware that Jack had exited a cab out in front of the restaurant and was walking towards her.
“Jill?”
“Oh hi! You must be Jack…”
They both wondered what they should do next. Would it be too cold and distant to extend a hand or should we hug? Jack was going to extend his hand when Jill reached out and hugged him. Jack nervously hugged and patted Jill on the back the way Gorbachev hugged Reagan at one of their summit meetings, with slaps on the back.
“I’m so sorry I’m late. I decided to take a cab and the cabbie took the scenic route here and well anyway… That is shall we say, my bad…” said Jack.
“Um… That’s fine, that’s fine. Things happen, you know… Should we tell them we’re here?”
A perky young woman led the way past tables and tables of other couples who were dining out on a warm summer evening. Jack couldn’t help but look at the ass of the hostess. It was very tight looking and symmetrical and it appeared as though she was wearing no underwear. To Jack and many other men, there is the allure of no underwear. The hostess walked away. Out of sight, out of mind.
Jill smiled nervously to show a cute dimple on one cheek. Jack had not noticed that Jill had a clef chin in her photos. It was a little too Kirk Douglas for him. It was a demerit to be certain but not a deal killer yet. Jack did notice her ass too and her plump looking chest that showed just enough cleavage but not too much so that other woman nearby would comment to their dates.
“I love Spanish food. Tapas is totally my favorite right now. I was sort of on a sushi kick for a while and then Dr. Oz killed it by showing everyone the microbes that live on tuna and so I’m like done with sushi right now. I so want to go to Spain someday. I bet the Tapas there is unreal,” said Jill, while holding the sides of her chair, bouncing her left leg and hunching her shoulders.
“Oh yeah… I love good Tapas. I was in Spain a few years back and it was, shall we say, quite awesome,” said Jack, while looking around the room rather than at Jill.
Jill took notice of the lack of eye contact and the furrowed brow. Jack had a permanent look of worry on his face due to his furrowed brow. It made him look rather unapproachable to most women. So far Jill thought Jack was acting like a pompous asshole but she wasn’t ready to trade him in yet. Just then Jack was getting a phone call. He held his index finger up and answered his client. Jack was an attorney and his client was the father of an eighteen year old who had been busted for open alcohol and marijuana in his car.
“Yes Mr. Anderson, I got your message and had every intention of calling you back. I’m currently at dinner with a friend and am not at liberty to discuss the case with you. You have, shall we say, my word that I will call you first thing in the morning. We’ll pow wow before court and I’m sure I can get him supervision. At some point though, throwing money at problems is not going to save him, shall we say… Okay, okay then… I’ll call you tomorrow morning… Right, right… Okay then… Yes, yes… Will do… Buh bye…” said Jack.
Jill dialled her sister Jenny and hung up. Jenny was instructed to take Jill’s call in the event of an encounter with a total freak. Jenny called back immediately. Jill did it to show Jack just how inconsiderate in was to take a call. Jack didn’t get the message. Instead he took the chance to check messages on his Blackberry. Jill saw this and hung up right away, telling her sister that she had pocket dialled her by mistake.
“Once again, I’m so sorry about the interruption. It’s a good friend of a friend whose son got himself into trouble with the law and is facing jail time for not complying with the judges orders,” said Jack.
“Right, right… You said you were an attorney,” said Jill.
“And you work for a realtor?” Asked Jack.
“Yes… I’m the personal assistant of this woman who is like one of the top sellers in Chicago. She gets most of her leads through the women’s club of the North Shore,” said Jill, still bouncing her leg and hunching her shoulders.
“Well that’s cool…” said Jack, even though he really did not think it was cool.
Jack told Jill about running a 5K in New England and about his Alaskan vacation and co-ed volleyball on Tuesday nights. Jack mentioned that he really loves to listen to Jazz and was a fan of Frank Lloyd Wright homes. Jill mentioned that she did spin classes and swam three days a week and that she really liked Maroon Five and Sugar Ray and that she had tickets to see Sugar Ray later that summer. Jack had never heard of Maroon Five or Sugar Ray. He said he had heard of Sugar Ray Robinson and Sugar Ray Leonard. It was an attempt at a joke. Jill wasn’t familiar with the boxers and so the joke died.
Jill had been to Las Vegas and really wanted to go to Arizona but had never really been too many places. Jill was a Cubs fan and Jack said he really did not like baseball. Jack said he kind of liked football but really didn’t. Jack just did not want to come off like an irregular guy.
Jack and Jill finished a pitcher of sangria which was about three glasses each. Jill was quite buzzed and Jack felt mellow. The bill came and Jack had figured out that he had dropped is wallet. Suddenly the buzz and glow was gone. The realization that all his credit cards were gone just about ruined his night. Jill paid for the dinner even though she knew she was overdrawn on her debit card and would be getting a call from the bank Monday morning. Luckily it went through. Jill was scared that she may have reached the $1,000.00 overdraft limit. She had $22.00 before she reached $1000.00.
Jack and Jill went back to Jack’s apartment in a cab. The whole way to Jack’s house, Jack was too distracted to talk at all. Jack kept thinking about his accounts being cleaned out. Jill sat in the cab looking out the window on the right side with her arms folded. Jack ordered the cab to wait as he galloped up the steps to his townhouse. He emerged with a look of relief on his face as he held up his chunky looking wallet with over a dozen cards and wads of cash.
“God! What a relief! I though I left it in the cab I came over in and then I thought it may have fallen out of my back pocket… Here, I’ll take care of the cab…” said Jack.
Jill refused to take the $120.00 for the meal and drinks but Jack would not have it. They went back and forth for a while until Jill finally accepted. Jack then asked Jill if she would like a glass of red wine and to sit up on his roof deck. Jill said yes.
Up on the roof was a beautiful view of downtown Chicago and the near south side. Jill saw the hot tub and asked how often Jack used it. Jack offered the tub and Jill accepted. A gentle breeze blew across them as they sat in the hot tub, holding up their red wine in their glasses, listening to jazz on Jack’s Bose audio system and looking at the skyline. The more Jill drank, the more she liked Jack. Jack loosened up and became wittier and less pompous. Between them, they finished off a bottle of red wine and wound up kissing and embracing in the hot tub. Before long they were in Jack’s bed in the throes of passion. Jill closed her eyes while Jack orally stimulated her. Jack was spelling out the alphabet in cursive on her clitoris while Jill moaned a bit and pulled on his hair. Jack got as far as the letter L before Jill pulled him and guided him towards their consummate moment. Jack learned about the alphabet spelling on the clitoris from the Men’s Health Magazine too. They claimed he would not have to get to the letter Z and they were right.
Jill woke up feeling dehydrated and had a strong headache at the base of her skull by her neck. Jack was outside on the deck talking to another client in his underwear. The digital clock said nearly two in the morning. Jill suddenly felt silly lying in the bed of a man she did not really know or know if she would ever see again. What would they say to one another once Jack got done talking on his cell phone? Would he feel boxed in and really want Jill out of his house? Jill didn’t want that to be the case. Jill decided to make a pre-emptive move. Jill slipped on all her clothes and walked out of the front door. Jill caught a cab on South State Street and went home. As Jill lay in her bed next to her Calico Cat, she thought about the entire evening. She began to drift off when she received a text message from Jack.
“Wow! I must really have missed the mark tonight. I’m sorry you felt you had to leave.”
Jill wasn’t sure how to respond. She really wished she had not left after all after receiving his response. While she was thinking about what to say, another text from Jack came through.
“Okay… I’ll go out on a limb. I find you really attractive, smart and pretty. I did not lure you back to my cave in hopes of sinking you. I really did think I lost my wallet and since we were at my place, I thought we could just stay. I thought you had a good time and maybe you did. Maybe this is just what you do. A million first dates. Well hope you had a good time. Jack.”
Jill laid in bed smiling. In the battle of the sexes, she had won. Jill went from feeling like she had conceded too early to feeling like the winner in the driver’s seat. Jill began to type while gently biting her bottom lip.
“You passed the test. It all hinged on your response. You’re a prince and not a frog… How do you feel about a jog by the lake tomorrow and then some brunch?”
Jack responded quickly.
“I would like that more than I could tell you. Sleep tight. Until the morning. Jack.”

Jack, and if you can believe this, Jill, met via online dating. For Jack, he grew tired of going out to clubs with his friends just to stand and watch others dancing and meeting at night clubs. For Jill, she had heard from a few girlfriends that for all the hoards of frogs that there are out there, a few princes do exist. Two of her girlfriends found compatible mates and married and so for Jill, she felt that there was hope for her.
As far as curves and scales go, both Jack and Jill were moderately attractive. Jack started working out a few years back when his father had quadruple bi-pass surgery. In the recovery room, Jack’s father had tubes sticking out of his chest and a breathing device strapped to his face. The idea that he one day could end up like his father in a hospital, drove Jack to begin to begin physical exercise around the age of thirty. Jack was thirty five on the first date with Jill. Aside from being fit, Jack wore horned rim glasses and wore his hair on weekends to look like rats ran about on top of his head. Hair went every which way and stayed that way with the help of mousse. Jack looked at the models in his Men’s Health Magazine and decided that if he was going to land the woman of his dreams, he had better get more hip with the look. Jack showed up in a collared shirt untucked with a black vest, worn looking jeans that were frayed at the bottom and a pair of black shoes. The Men’s Health Magazine told him to wear cologne with Pheromones so that subliminally his date would be more prone to want him sexually. Something about neurotransmitters something something. Men don’t remember the details as much as they remember that the pheromones can trigger sexual excitement.
Jill had posted a really attractive picture of herself with her ex-boyfriend who was really her fiancé but since there was never really a true date picked, he was more of an uncommitted boyfriend. The picture was from New Year’s Eve 2001. Jill had a great smile in the picture; she was trim and showed maximum cleavage in her silvery sparkling dress. All that remained in the picture that would lead anyone to think that she was with someone was the hand that rested on her shoulder without a body on the other side of it. Yes the picture was of Jill and yes it was from nine years earlier, but she really did not think she had aged that much or gained that much weight and her smile created the best picture of herself that she could ever remember taking. Jill dressed in a summer dress that went a few inches above her knee and showed off her toned legs and arms. Jill had been running along the banks of Lake Michigan and had a healthy look to her. Jill was confident albeit nervous to be meeting yet another man at a restaurant in downtown Chicago in hopes of finding someone that would be compatible enough to lock in with or at least want to see again. On paper and in the brief conversations, Jack seemed like a regular guy and so she agreed to meet Jack for dinner.
Jill sat at the bar of the Spanish Restaurant and ordered Sangria while she pretended to look at a message on her cell phone, fully aware that Jack had exited a cab out in front of the restaurant and was walking towards her.
“Jill?”
“Oh hi! You must be Jack…”
They both wondered what they should do next. Would it be too cold and distant to extend a hand or should we hug? Jack was going to extend his hand when Jill reached out and hugged him. Jack nervously hugged and patted Jill on the back the way Gorbachev hugged Reagan at one of their summit meetings, with slaps on the back.
“I’m so sorry I’m late. I decided to take a cab and the cabbie took the scenic route here and well anyway… That is shall we say, my bad…” said Jack.
“Um… That’s fine, that’s fine. Things happen, you know… Should we tell them we’re here?”
A perky young woman led the way past tables and tables of other couples who were dining out on a warm summer evening. Jack couldn’t help but look at the ass of the hostess. It was very tight looking and symmetrical and it appeared as though she was wearing no underwear. To Jack and many other men, there is the allure of no underwear. The hostess walked away. Out of sight, out of mind.
Jill smiled nervously to show a cute dimple on one cheek. Jack had not noticed that Jill had a clef chin in her photos. It was a little too Kirk Douglas for him. It was a demerit to be certain but not a deal killer yet. Jack did notice her ass too and her plump looking chest that showed just enough cleavage but not too much so that other woman nearby would comment to their dates.
“I love Spanish food. Tapas is totally my favorite right now. I was sort of on a sushi kick for a while and then Dr. Oz killed it by showing everyone the microbes that live on tuna and so I’m like done with sushi right now. I so want to go to Spain someday. I bet the Tapas there is unreal,” said Jill, while holding the sides of her chair, bouncing her left leg and hunching her shoulders.
“Oh yeah… I love good Tapas. I was in Spain a few years back and it was, shall we say, quite awesome,” said Jack, while looking around the room rather than at Jill.
Jill took notice of the lack of eye contact and the furrowed brow. Jack had a permanent look of worry on his face due to his furrowed brow. It made him look rather unapproachable to most women. So far Jill thought Jack was acting like a pompous asshole but she wasn’t ready to trade him in yet. Just then Jack was getting a phone call. He held his index finger up and answered his client. Jack was an attorney and his client was the father of an eighteen year old who had been busted for open alcohol and marijuana in his car.
“Yes Mr. Anderson, I got your message and had every intention of calling you back. I’m currently at dinner with a friend and am not at liberty to discuss the case with you. You have, shall we say, my word that I will call you first thing in the morning. We’ll pow wow before court and I’m sure I can get him supervision. At some point though, throwing money at problems is not going to save him, shall we say… Okay, okay then… I’ll call you tomorrow morning… Right, right… Okay then… Yes, yes… Will do… Buh bye…” said Jack.
Jill dialled her sister Jenny and hung up. Jenny was instructed to take Jill’s call in the event of an encounter with a total freak. Jenny called back immediately. Jill did it to show Jack just how inconsiderate in was to take a call. Jack didn’t get the message. Instead he took the chance to check messages on his Blackberry. Jill saw this and hung up right away, telling her sister that she had pocket dialled her by mistake.
“Once again, I’m so sorry about the interruption. It’s a good friend of a friend whose son got himself into trouble with the law and is facing jail time for not complying with the judges orders,” said Jack.
“Right, right… You said you were an attorney,” said Jill.
“And you work for a realtor?” Asked Jack.
“Yes… I’m the personal assistant of this woman who is like one of the top sellers in Chicago. She gets most of her leads through the women’s club of the North Shore,” said Jill, still bouncing her leg and hunching her shoulders.
“Well that’s cool…” said Jack, even though he really did not think it was cool.
Jack told Jill about running a 5K in New England and about his Alaskan vacation and co-ed volleyball on Tuesday nights. Jack mentioned that he really loves to listen to Jazz and was a fan of Frank Lloyd Wright homes. Jill mentioned that she did spin classes and swam three days a week and that she really liked Maroon Five and Sugar Ray and that she had tickets to see Sugar Ray later that summer. Jack had never heard of Maroon Five or Sugar Ray. He said he had heard of Sugar Ray Robinson and Sugar Ray Leonard. It was an attempt at a joke. Jill wasn’t familiar with the boxers and so the joke died.
Jill had been to Las Vegas and really wanted to go to Arizona but had never really been too many places. Jill was a Cubs fan and Jack said he really did not like baseball. Jack said he kind of liked football but really didn’t. Jack just did not want to come off like an irregular guy.
Jack and Jill finished a pitcher of sangria which was about three glasses each. Jill was quite buzzed and Jack felt mellow. The bill came and Jack had figured out that he had dropped is wallet. Suddenly the buzz and glow was gone. The realization that all his credit cards were gone just about ruined his night. Jill paid for the dinner even though she knew she was overdrawn on her debit card and would be getting a call from the bank Monday morning. Luckily it went through. Jill was scared that she may have reached the $1,000.00 overdraft limit. She had $22.00 before she reached $1000.00.
Jack and Jill went back to Jack’s apartment in a cab. The whole way to Jack’s house, Jack was too distracted to talk at all. Jack kept thinking about his accounts being cleaned out. Jill sat in the cab looking out the window on the right side with her arms folded. Jack ordered the cab to wait as he galloped up the steps to his townhouse. He emerged with a look of relief on his face as he held up his chunky looking wallet with over a dozen cards and wads of cash.
“God! What a relief! I though I left it in the cab I came over in and then I thought it may have fallen out of my back pocket… Here, I’ll take care of the cab…” said Jack.
Jill refused to take the $120.00 for the meal and drinks but Jack would not have it. They went back and forth for a while until Jill finally accepted. Jack then asked Jill if she would like a glass of red wine and to sit up on his roof deck. Jill said yes.
Up on the roof was a beautiful view of downtown Chicago and the near south side. Jill saw the hot tub and asked how often Jack used it. Jack offered the tub and Jill accepted. A gentle breeze blew across them as they sat in the hot tub, holding up their red wine in their glasses, listening to jazz on Jack’s Bose audio system and looking at the skyline. The more Jill drank, the more she liked Jack. Jack loosened up and became wittier and less pompous. Between them, they finished off a bottle of red wine and wound up kissing and embracing in the hot tub. Before long they were in Jack’s bed in the throes of passion. Jill closed her eyes while Jack orally stimulated her. Jack was spelling out the alphabet in cursive on her clitoris while Jill moaned a bit and pulled on his hair. Jack got as far as the letter L before Jill pulled him and guided him towards their consummate moment. Jack learned about the alphabet spelling on the clitoris from the Men’s Health Magazine too. They claimed he would not have to get to the letter Z and they were right.
Jill woke up feeling dehydrated and had a strong headache at the base of her skull by her neck. Jack was outside on the deck talking to another client in his underwear. The digital clock said nearly two in the morning. Jill suddenly felt silly lying in the bed of a man she did not really know or know if she would ever see again. What would they say to one another once Jack got done talking on his cell phone? Would he feel boxed in and really want Jill out of his house? Jill didn’t want that to be the case. Jill decided to make a pre-emptive move. Jill slipped on all her clothes and walked out of the front door. Jill caught a cab on South State Street and went home. As Jill lay in her bed next to her Calico Cat, she thought about the entire evening. She began to drift off when she received a text message from Jack.
“Wow! I must really have missed the mark tonight. I’m sorry you felt you had to leave.”
Jill wasn’t sure how to respond. She really wished she had not left after all after receiving his response. While she was thinking about what to say, another text from Jack came through.
“Okay… I’ll go out on a limb. I find you really attractive, smart and pretty. I did not lure you back to my cave in hopes of sinking you. I really did think I lost my wallet and since we were at my place, I thought we could just stay. I thought you had a good time and maybe you did. Maybe this is just what you do. A million first dates. Well hope you had a good time. Jack.”
Jill laid in bed smiling. In the battle of the sexes, she had won. Jill went from feeling like she had conceded too early to feeling like the winner in the driver’s seat. Jill began to type while gently biting her bottom lip.
“You passed the test. It all hinged on your response. You’re a prince and not a frog… How do you feel about a jog by the lake tomorrow and then some brunch?”
Jack responded quickly.
“I would like that more than I could tell you. Sleep tight. Until the morning. Jack.”

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More about Pherlure on our website!

Does your girlfriend or boyfriend love the way you smell? I have had the good luck of having the women that I have been romantically involved with like my scent. I am used to females snuggling under my arm or laying their head on my chest. Some even fond of the way it smells right under my nose in the divot on my upper lip. I’m used to squirming females entangling with me and snuffling here and there until they almost hyperventilate. I have always been tolerant until they were snuffled out and lying like a satisfied feline. I even thought on many occasions that if they were cats they would be purring. I just figured it was a nature doing what nature does. Know, that I’m not saying this to boast. I actually assumed that this was the way the world worked. Women just like the way men smell. At least I thought that, until one particular girlfriend upset my world view.

This particular girl, though she was romantic with me, was continually complaining about the way I smelled. Trying to make me shower more and wear deodorant and cologne. Now, I’m a clean man but I don’t wear a lot of cologne and I never wear deodorant. Yeah, I know it sounds nasty but it had always worked for me. Anyway, I think that the aluminum in the deodorant penetrates the skin and starts moving in the body. The Fluoride in your toothpaste lets it cross the blood brain barrier and, Abracadabra, you are an idiot. Ok, possibly not that immediate but it’s just not something I want to take a chance of happening to me. At any rate, her persistent dissatisfaction with the way I smelled really set me back, as not only had women usually loved my scent, I had always liked theirs. With this girl there was none of the musky scents that so fired my passions like other women had. She did not repel me, (Not at first) she just did not fire me.

I tried to discuss it with her but she had no concept of finding another person’s scent exciting. She was totally disgusted by my proposition that it was natural and exciting. She had never experienced this with any man, and was in no uncertain terms, on no account going to find my scents pleasing. Ok, I thought, assuming that I’m not just some crazy guy that thinks all the chicks love to sniff me, then there must be another reason for her not to find my scent pleasing. I also wondered how many other women out their felt the same way as her, or at the very least had never met a man that did it for them. Yes, in my heart of hearts I still felt that body scent would turn her on if she just found the correct guy. Lock and key idea, I was the wrong key, or she was the wrong lock depending on how you wanted to view at it.

Research: Since it was no fun fighting with her, (It didn’t even lead to passionate sex.) I started researching genetics and reproduction which lead to pheromones.

Discovery: The Stinky T-shirt Study. In 1996, Claus Wedekind, at Bern University in Switzerland, conducted what’s now known as the stinky T-shirt study. Wedekind had 44 men of varying and established genetic types, each wear a t-shirt for two nights. The researchers placed each shirt in a box with a smelling opening. 49 Female volunteers were asked to sniff the boxes and describe each odor, as far as strength, appeal, and sexiness.

Women actually liked the scent of men whose immune systems was genetically different than their own. In contrast, the odors were judged unpleasant when the male’s immune systems were genetically similar to the women. This means, women picked men that offered the best genetic upgrade for their children by scent. Their babies would have stronger immune systems etc. But get this, women chose exactly the wrong male when they were on oral contraceptives.

Conclusions: My girlfriend and I were not made for each other. Nature was trying to tell us that we would have little sickly mutant children.
So, if there is no great passion, or your mate simply stinks, you might consider not trying to work things out. Sometimes it’s just better to listen to the pheromones.

Pheromones

pheromones for women

pheromones for women

Liquid Alchemy Labs Pheromones producing the most popular pheromone perfumes and cologne products for health, youth, and seduction. Be sure and check out how the results of this research can enhance your life

What is the lure of breasts? Don’t get me wrong I like breasts and yes I have always had a fascination with them. I have wondered about the magnetism of breasts, and even as to why most men, and even some women find the breast so attractive. Is it the skin texture, the lighter skin, the roundness, or the way the nipples notice you when you stare and then point back at you? Of course I never stare. I was talking about other men.

Lucky babies get good mothers who are intelligent enough to breast feed, insuring their children get the best start in life. Here is something to think about, first thing in life we know is the breast. They are our food, comforter, and pillow. It may be the single safest time of our entire life, where there is plenty of food, warmth, safety and love. I guess that alone is a pretty good reason for liking breasts, and who would not like to get back to that safe feeling? Yet, is that enough of an explanation for the magic breast spell that men often times fall under?

The breast hip to waist ratio sort of explains the interest in breasts, but not well enough.

At some point in time, I read that men who were breastfed as babies tended statistically to not care about breast size as much as their less fortunate brethren who were not breast fed. Breast size is not nearly as important to me as is the woman who the breast belong to, and yes I was breastfed as an infant. Nevertheless, that does not bring us to any conclusions.

Research has shown that rabbits have a pheromone around their nipples that tells the baby rabbits where the nipples are, even though the rabbits are blind. An interesting point would be that blind human babies also show the same nipple seeking and finding response as the baby rabbits. It has been theorized that the human nipple and areola most likely also produces attracting pheromones. If true, then the nipple pheromones of women would, like the rabbits be appeasing pheromones, and may be common in many mammals. This pheromone would produce feelings of safety, love, and, acceptance. Perhaps this is the reason why, when you hug someone in general it is chest to chest, head beside head. However, if a person is comforting someone who is really hurting they tend to place that persons head on their chest. When we hug someone we love deeply or feel protective over, we tend to hug with their head in the same position.

Could the interest in breasts be an attempt at regaining this lost state of peace and happiness provided by these pheromones?

Are we actually pheromone junkies addicted to the breast’s appeasing and pleasing drug output? Do you think as breast addicts we need to be as near as possible to breast to feel the intense feelings of security and love? Do bigger breast produce more pheromones, therefore promising a larger more intense fix?

You got me. Maybe, it is just a heck of a lot fun to pinch nipples. I’m going to have to do extensive experimentation and research on this theory. I recommend that you also participate in the research and send in your findings. Only the seekers find the answers.

Pheromones

pheromone perfume

pheromone perfume

Liquid Alchemy Labs Pheromone producing high end pheromone perfume, cologne and pheromone oil products for health, youth, and seduction. Be sure and check out how the results of this research can enhance your life

It has been recognized for a long time that animals and insects communicate by means of sensitivity to scents and pheromones that they’re exposed to in their environments, as time goes by it is also being figured out just how much human beings are influenced by pheromones as well.

These unseen chemicals act independent from the sense of smell and are interpreted by the human vomeronasal organ or similar tissues, (The vomeronasal organ has recently fallen out of favor as an explanation for how pheromones communicate with the brain.) Sending signals to the brain that help us be aware of many subtle things about other human beings. Pheromones have with them a whole tapestry of primal signals scientists are only now beginning to be aware of.

Most people remain ignorant of the complex array of behaviors that may be influenced by pheromones, in particular in the realm of intimacy. Love seems difficult enough as it is before adding the potential of sex pheromones into the mix. Yet, they may be one of the main ingredients. Individuals perceive pheromones differently depending on gender, health, sexual orientation, and stages of life. Pheromones move us away from people who are poor genetic matches so that we can have healthy children.

Public opinion ranges from not believing that pheromones even exist, to the concern that they may make someone do things that they do not want to do.

Sex pheromones though common, and justly so in the perfume industry should not be a cause for worry. People will not do anything that they were not already leaning towards. In general, pheromones offer a kind of sensual nudge instead of an overwhelming command to the senses. Natural production of a strong pheromone is often a subconscious answer to the advances of a welcome individual, and can’t influence anyone to do anything they would rather not. Someone you despise is not going to make you attracted simply because they apply pheromones. Unless of course you despise that special someone for the reason that you are attracted to them.

It’s really exciting to consider that this chemical response is shared across cultures despite differences in courtship rituals and expectations. Pheromones are a part of what makes us human and yet proves that we are still part of the animal kingdom. One of those things that we have been unaware of for a long time but has always influenced us. Only time will tell exactly how many ways pheromones truly affect us.

Pheromones

pheromones for seduction

pheromones for seduction

Liquid Alchemy Labs Pheromone producing high end pheromone perfume, cologne and pheromone oil products for health, youth, and seduction. Be sure and check out how the results of this research can enhance your life

Sorry to say ladies, you will be seduced, pheromone colognes now make it so that you cannot resist men’s advances, no matter how awful the man wearing the cologne. Hold your horses, don’t panic. Sadly the pheromone marketing obsession may be making us ignore an attractive discovery. It is a little like hearing about vitamins from a screwed up drug dealer on the street corner. After you recover from your encounter with Mr. Dealer, you are not going to think of vitamins in the same way as a person who had heard about vitamins from GNC or Vitamin World. I believe the same thing is happening with marketers and pheromones. With that thought, let us look at pheromones.

Most people still thinkpheromones are no different from X-ray glasses sold in the back of comic books. While other people have been using them for years. We know for a fact, they are used strongly by government agencies all over the world. Business uses them daily. You may even use them. Ok, I’m talking about insect and animal pheromones.

By the late 70s it was known that animals and insects produced pheromones for attracting members of the same species. By the late 70s pheromones were already being manufactured for pest control. Pheromones were being used to draw or repel bugs and animals. Pheromones were already protecting crops from harm. Roaches were checking in and not checking out. During this time research scientists were working hard to figure out and try and prove that humans created pheromones. This evidence was found in the mid 1970sbut did not reach the public with any power until the mid 80s.

In 1986 the human pheromone hit front page news as researchers at the Monell Chemical Senses Center of Philadelphia released their discoveries to the scientific journal Hormones and Behavior, and the general public by:

Time Magazine: “Studies find that male pheromones are good for women’s health.”

News week: “The Chemistry Between People: Are Our Bodies Affected by Another Person’s Scent?”

The Washington post: “Pheromones Discovered in Humans.”

Yes, the human pheromone was intense news in the nineteen eighties. It was found that women’s health was directly affected by male pheromone. It was shown that men’s pheromones aid in the defense of a women’s health. To be more accurate, they keep a woman’s reproductive system healthy. A healthful testosterone rich male pheromone signature in some way encouraged a woman’s body to hold itself healthy and young. Pheromones can stabilize the menstrual cycle, and decrease the symptoms of PMS. It was found that pheromones could raise a woman’s mood actually alleviating depression, even postponing and then alleviating menopause.

How did we get away from the pheromone research that was going on in the 1980s? Shouldn’t we by trying to use pheromones to give women a better life? Strike that. We should be making pheromone products to improve the lives of everyone. Help to make possible pheromone research that will achieve more understanding related to health and a prolonged existence. Using pheromones for attraction is not bad or wrong. I think that is a personal choice. I just hate to see the message lost because of the messenger. No one will tell you this, but many of the pheromone products on the market today for attracting women contain the very same pheromones that demonstrated all those health boosting benefits. Yet everything is about seduction and there is no talk about the fact that it is good for women. It’s just miserable to see a good thing, or potentially good thing, be lost just because of poor focus.

.

Pheromones

pheromones for women

pheromones for women

Liquid Alchemy Labs Pheromones producing the most popular pheromone perfumes and cologne products for health, youth, and seduction. Be sure and check out how the results of this research can enhance your life

Does your significant other love or even like your scent? I have had the good fortune of having the women that I’m romantically involved with like my scent. I am used to females snuggling under my arm or laying their head on my chest. Some even fond of the way it smells right under my nose in the divot on my upper lip. I’m used to squirming females entangling with me and snuffling here and there until they almost hyperventilate. I have always been tolerant until they were snuffled out and lying like a satisfied feline. I even thought on many occasions that if they were cats they would be purring. I just figured it was a nature doing what nature does.Understand, that I’m not saying this to brag. I actually assumed that this was the way the world worked. Females just like the way males smell. At least I thought that, until one certain girlfriend upset my world.

This particular girl, though she was romantic with me was forever complaining about the way I smelled. She was always trying to make me shower more, wear deodorant and cologne. Now, I’m a clean man but I only wear light cologne and I never wear deodorant. Yeah, I know it sounds uncivilized but it had always worked for me. Besides, I think that the aluminum in the deodorant penetrates the skin and starts moving in the body. The Fluoride in your toothpaste lets it cross the blood brain barrier and, Abracadabra, you are an idiot. Ok, perhaps not that sudden but it’s just not something I want to take a chance of happening to me. Anyhow, her constant dissatisfaction with the way I smelled really set me back, as not only had women usually loved my scent, I had always liked theirs. With this girl there was none of the sexy scents that so fired my passions like other women had. She did not repel me, (Not at first) she just did not fire me.

I tried to talk about it with her but she had no concept of finding another person’s scent exciting. She was absolutely disgusted by my suggestion that it was normal and thrilling. She had never experienced this with any man, and was in no uncertain terms, never going to find my scents attractive. Ok, I thought, assuming that I’m not just some crazy guy that thinks all the chicks love to sniff me, then there must be another reason for her not to find my scent attractive. I also wondered how many other women out their felt the same way as her, or at the very least had never met a man that did it for them. Yes, in my heart of hearts I still felt that body scent would turn her on if she just found the right guy. Lock and key theory, I was the wrong key, or she was the wrong lock depending on how you wanted to view at it.

Research: Since it was no fun fighting with her, (It didn’t even lead to passionate sex.) I began researching genetics and reproduction which lead to pheromones.

What I found: The Stinky T-shirt Study. In 1996, Claus Wedekind, at Bern University in Switzerland, conducted what’s become known as the stinky T-shirt study. Wedekind had 44 men of varying and confirmed genetic types, each wear a t-shirt for two nights. The researchers placed each shirt in a box with a smelling opening. 49 Female volunteers were asked to sniff the boxes and describe each odor, as far as strength, appeal, and sexiness.

Women actually liked the scent of men whose immune systems was genetically different than their own. In contrast, the odors were judged unpleasant when the male’s immune systems were genetically similar to the women. This means, women picked men that offered the best genetic upgrade for their children by scent. Their babies would have stronger immune systems etc. But get this, women chose exactly the wrong male when they were on oral contraceptives.

Conclusions: My girlfriend and I were not made for each other. Nature was trying to tell us that we would have little sickly misshapen children.

So, if there is no great passion, or your mate simply stinks, you might consider not trying to work things out. Sometimes it’s just better to listen to the pheromones.

Pheromones

pheromones for men

Liquid Alchemy Labs Pheromone producing high end pheromone perfume, cologne and pheromone oil products for health, youth, and seduction. Be sure and check out how the results of this research can enhance your life

I apologize ladies but you will be seduced, pheromone colognes now make it so that you cannot resist men’s advances, no matter how nasty the man wearing the cologne.

Wait, don’t panic. Unfortunately the pheromone marketing craze may be making us ignore an exciting discovery. Look at it this way, it is a little like hearing about vitamins from a messed up drug dealer on the street corner. When you get over your encounterwith Mr. Dealer, you are not going to think of vitamins in the same way as a person who had heard about vitamins from GNC or Vitamin World. I think the same thing is happening with marketers and pheromones. With that in mind let’s take a look at pheromones.

Most people still believe pheromones are the same as X-ray glasses sold in the back of comic books. While other people have been using them for years. We know for a fact, they are used heavily by government agencies worldwide. Business uses them daily. You may even use them. Ok, I’m talking about insect and animal pheromones.

By the late 70s it was known that animals and insects produced pheromones for attracting members of the same species. By the late 70s pheromones were already being manufactured for pest control. Pheromones were being used to attract or repel bugs and animals. Pheromones were already protecting crops from harm. Roaches were checking in and not checking out. Simultaneously, researchers were trying to figure out and prove that humans produce pheromones. Evidence was found but would not rise in the public mind until the middle of the 80s.

Human pheromones made front page news in 1986 when Researchers at the Monell Chemical Senses Center of Philadelphia presented their findings to the scientific journal Hormones and Behavior, as well as to the public by way of:

Time Magazine: “Studies find that male pheromones are good for women’s health.”

News week: “The Chemistry Between People: Are Our Bodies Affected by Another Person’s Scent?”

The Washington post: “Pheromones Discovered in Humans.”

The human pheromone was big news in the eighties. During this time it was discovered that a women’s health was linked to the male pheromone. Pheromones help to maintain the health of women. To be more exact, they keep a woman’s reproductive system healthy. A healthy testosterone rich male pheromone signature somehow encouraged the female body to keep itself healthy and young. It can stabilize the menstrual cycle, and reduce the symptoms of PMS.

Why did we travel so far from the pheromone research that was happening in the 80s? Maybe we should be using pheromone products to make women’s lives better. Strike that. We should be making pheromone products to improve the lives of everyone. Help to allow pheromone exploration that will gain more awareness connected to health and long life. Attracting the opposite or even the same sex with pheromones is not a bad thing. I think that is a personal choice. In the case of pheromones I think we killed the message instead of the messenger. In fact many of the pheromone cologne products that are being sold today contain the very same pheromones that had shown so much of the health boosting benefits discovered in the 80s. However the whole thing is about seduction and there is no mention that it is good for women. It’s just sad to see a good thing, or possible good thing, be lost just because of poor focus.

Pheromones

copulins

Liquid Alchemy Labs Pheromones producing high end pheromone perfume and cologne products for health, youth, and seduction. Be sure and check out how the results of this research can enhance your life

It has been known for a long time that animals and insects communicate via sensitivity to scents and pheromones that they’re exposed to in their environments, as time passes it is also being discovered just how much human beings are influenced by pheromones as well.

These invisible chemicals perform independent from the sense of smell and are interpreted by the human vomeronasal organ or similar tissues, (The vomeronasal organ has recently fallen out of favor as an explanation for how pheromones communicate with the brain.) Sending signals to the brain that help us work out many subtle things about other human beings. Pheromones bring with them a whole tapestry of primitive signals scientists are only now beginning to figure out.

Most people remain unconscious of the complex array of behaviors that may be influenced by pheromones, notably in the realm of intimacy. Love seems difficult enough as it is before adding the option of sex pheromones into the mix. However, they may be one of the main ingredients. Individuals perceive pheromones differently depending on gender, health, sexual orientation, and stages of life. Pheromones move us away from people who are poor genetic matches and towards people who are good genetic matches so that we can have healthy children.

Public opinion ranges from not believing that pheromones even exist, to the trepidation that they may make someone do something that they do not want to do.

Sex pheromones though widespread, and rightfully so in the perfume industry should not be a cause for worry. People will not do anything that they were not already leaning towards. For the most part, pheromones offer a kind of sensual push rather than an overwhelming command to the senses. Natural production of a strong pheromone is often a subconscious answer to the advances of a welcome individual, and can’t make anyone to do anything they would rather not. Someone you despise is not going to make you attracted simply because they apply pheromones. Unless of course you hate that special someone for the reason that you are attracted to them.

It’s truly exciting to consider that this chemical response is shared across cultures despite differences in courtship rituals and expectations. Pheromones are a part of what makes us human and yet proves that we are still part of the animal kingdom. One of those things that we have been unaware of for a long time but has always influenced us. Only time will tell exactly how many ways pheromones truly effect us.

Pheromones

Pheromone perfume for men

Liquid Alchemy Labs Pheromones producing high end pheromone cologne and perfume products for health, youth, and seduction. Be sure and check out how the results of this research can enhance your life

Why do breast hold the attraction that they do? Don’t take it the wrong way, I like breasts very much, and I have always been interested in them. I have wondered about the magnetism of breasts, and even as to why most men, and even some women find the breast so attractive. Is it the softness, the different skin shade, the arc and tip, or the way the nips tell on you by pointing you out if you look at them for too long? I don’t stare by the way. I meant other men.

Fortunate babies, get mothers who are smart enough to breast feed, giving them a great start in life. I mean, the very first thing we know about life is a set of warm breasts and nipples. We are comforted, fed, and kept safe with our breast friends. It quite possibly is the only point in our lives that we don’t have anything to worry about; we are full, warm, comfortable and loved. That sounds like a good enough reason to me to have a soft spot in my heart for breasts. Who wouldn’t want those feelings of love and safety again? However, is it enough of a reason to explain the breast hypnosis that so many men fall prey too?

There is the breast hip to waist ratio that is so often spoken of. However, that only sort of explains the fascination with breasts.

Somewhere along the way, I read that men who had not been breastfed as babies tended statistically to desire larger breasts than men who had been breastfed. I for one am not concerned with breast size, and yes, I was breastfed as a baby. However, as one man that does not make much of a supporting argument.

Researchers have found that rabbits produce a pheromone around their nipples that attract the blind baby rabbits to suckle. Amazingly, human babies demonstrate the same finding behavior as the rabbits, even when the human infant is blind. It is suspected that the human areola and nipple may produce a similar pheromone that attracts the baby. If that is the case then the human nipple pheromone like the rabbits would be an appeasing pheromone, and may be produced by many mammals. This pheromone would produce feelings of safety, love, and, acceptance. This may be the reason that when we hug in general it is chest to chest, heads to each side. Yet, when a person is emotionally traumatized we hug them with their heads to our chests. This same position is used when we hug someone we deeply love or feel protective over.

Maybe the interest that men demonstrate in breasts is the desire to regain this lost feeling of bliss that these chemicals gave us.

Is it that we are breast pheromone junkies, hooked on the appeasing pheromones that the nipples produce? Do you think as breast addicts we need to be as near as possible to breasts to feel the intense feelings of security and love? Do bigger breast produce more pheromones, therefore promising a larger more intense fix?

Don’t ask me. Perhaps, nipple pinching is just genetic fun and we have to do it. I will perform as much research and hands on experimentation as possible on this theory. I encourage you to do the same and please send in your discoveries. Only the seekers find the answers.

Pheromones

pheromones for men

Liquid Alchemy Labs Pheromones producing high end pheromone cologne and perfume products for health, youth, and seduction. Be sure and check out how the results of this research can enhance your life

banned for a week or so, the nurse said. better keep the matches. keep cool. lock yourself in the fridge. there…there, here’s some soup, sip it slowly to stop the sobs. now drink your coffee but go easy. the caffeine might heat things up…and you thought iced tea didn’t have any, hah?!

avoid eye contact. but pheromones will betray you anyway. skin to skin friction will cause definite ignition. next thing you know…combustion. from under your eyelids you see colorful bent needles high in the sky.  splendid display indeed!

open your eyes now.

so…all this time, who was on your mind, 79?

So yeah, I’m from South Louisiana (which, for those of you who weren’t aware, is the portion of the state south of I-10). They don’t have the same accent we do here. I don’t know if many people realize, but there are pockets of different accents all over the southern half of the State and they grow thicker the further south you go.

Now, my mom had a very thick Cajun accent when she was a child. She forced herself to get rid of it because she heard herself referred to as a ‘coonass’. She was horrified and from then on, worked to get rid of the accent. As a result, my sister, brother, and I don’t have accents unless we slip.

Slipping into a Cajun, or coonass, accent happens when I’m either surprised, talking with someone with a thick accent, or tongue-tied. Now it’s, confession time. When I talk to a very attractive man, Cajun Woman (you were wondering how I was going to bring the title into this, huh?) comes out. Cajun Woman is not a superhero. No, Cajun Woman is who I become when I have to talk to a very attractive male and my accent emerges.

How does it emerge, you might ask. Well, if you’ve never heard a Cajun accent, then it’s hard to explain. Don’t think of any movies surrounding New Orleans (that’s a different accent and horribly wrong). The Waterboy is only slightly correct, but also oh so wrong. No, a Cajun accent is flat. Instead of saying ‘this’ it’s ‘dis’. Instead of ‘that’ it’s ‘dat’ (who dat? anyone?). ‘Both’ becomes ‘boat’. As in ‘both of ya’ll’ becomes ‘boat-a-ya’ll’. The other words I can’t even begin to explain.

So here I am with an attractive man in front of me asking me about a boat. I get flustered. Then I bust out with the Cajun accent. Gah! I might have thrown ‘mais’ in a few times, pretty sure I did. Mais. He wasn’t impressed and I was embarrassed. Not that I broke into what’s a natural accent for me, but because I let a man fluster me that badly. I mean, really folks! He wasn’t that cute. Maybe he was putting off some serious pheromones. Hm, that might be the reason.

Anyway! Do any of you have an accent you try to smother? Have you ever found yourself so flustered by a man that you become either tongue-tied, or lose all trace of thought?

       Biological models of sex tend to view love as a mammalian drive, much like hunger or thirst.

        Helen Fisher, a leading expert in the topic of love, divides the experience of love into three partly overlapping stages: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust exposes people to others; romantic attraction encourages people to focus their energy on mating; and attachment involves tolerating the spouse (or indeed the child) long enough to rear a child into infancy. Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen.

      

       These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months. Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act in a manner similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain’s pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement.

       Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.

        Since the lust and attraction stages are both considered temporary, a third stage is needed to account for long-term relationships. Attachment is the bonding that promotes relationships lasting for many years and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or on mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin to a greater degree than short-term relationships have. Enzo Emanuele and coworkers reported the protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these return to previous levels after one year.

Hi everyone and welcome to my blog advanced pheromone discussion. This blog is going to be dedicated to advanced pheromone discussion. You won’t find anything like those spammy sales pages all over the net. This first post is going to be about how you can go about raising your natural pheromone level. Lets start with that before we get onto exotic synthesized pheromones.

There are some products available that claim to raise your natural level of pheromones. I haven’t tried any of these products as it is perfectly possible to make something similar at home. Again I don’t know if these products work and am not knocking them in any way.

The basic rate that your body produces pheromones is calculated by the level of testosterone in your body. Apparently the higher the level of testosterone the more pheromones get released, there are products such as steroids that increase the level of testosterone but these can be dangerous and personnaly I wouldn’t use them.

the most basic and simplest way to increase your testosterone level is to take a zinc supplement. Zinc can be found in many multipurpose supplements or can be gotten individually in specialist shops. Remeber Zinc can be toxic if taken at too high a level so always stay below 50mg a day. When I first started to take a Zinc supplement I really started to feel a difference after about two weeks of use.

The next important thing to do is to have fat in your diet. Fat is one of the major constituents of producing testosterone and in total your meals should contain roughly 30% fat. Other factors also play a large role on testosterone such as sleeping a minimum of 7 hours a day and having sexual intercourse on a fairly regular basis.

Finally and I know this is the hardest one and something that I’m not particulary obedient myself about is to excercise regularly. I am no fitness guide so you should go elsewhere for this.

Final Remarks. Sorry if this post wasn’t exactly what you were looking for but check back soon for updated information on the latest research pheromones.

Human Pheromones are mother nature’s way to attract the opposite sex. Pheromones are made inside our body. Pheromones creates a sense of excitement to potential partners by projecting a mild pheromone perfume, straight off recognized subconsciously and leads to a sense of attraction as a result.

There have been many Scientific Pheromone studies on humans which have verified that pheromones are very real and extremely potent. When you buy pheromones you are doing your social life a lot of good. Pheromones attract the opposite sex, and come in a a couple of different kinds such as pheromone cologne and pheromone oil.

Human pheromones are becoming highly frequent amongst men aged 25 and above. They are employed recreationally to pick up young women, to enter relationships that they never thought viable and pheromones are also used at work as a, perhaps, unethical weapon when selling to the opposite sex.

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HALF a CENTURY ago the PHEROMONE REVOLUTION commenced in earnest. German chemist Adolf Friedrich Johann Butenandt opened the floodgates as lead author of an article announcing the isolation and chemical identification of a sex pheromone female silkworm moths produce to attract male mates. Butenandt had already shared the 1939 Nobel Prize in chemistry for discovering human reproductive steroid hormones. So the 1959 article announcing the first pheromone in the monthly chemical science journal Zeitschrift für Naturforschung B (14B:283-4) attracted the attention of Rachel Carson and stimulated the efforts and imaginations of many others searching for insecticide-reducing alternatives.

HALF a MILLION virgin female silk moths were sacrificed over a span of almost THREE DECADES to identify that first sex pheromone, named bombykol because Bombyx mori is the scientific name of the Chinese silk moth of textile fame. In the past half century, thousands more pheromones have been identified, mostly from pest insects of economic interest. But also increasingly from beneficial insects providing biological control.

According to researchers like Jeffrey Aldrich at the USDA-ARS Chemicals Affecting Insect Behavior Laboratory (CAIBL) in Beltsville, MD, the potential applications of natural enemy pheromone and semiochemical research, such as herding beneficial insects into crop fields where they are needed, is still in its infancy. Projects include using pheromones to increase biocontrol by predatory spined soldier bugs (Podisus maculiventris). These beneficial stink bugs are capable of biologically controlling pesticide-resistant Colorado potato beetles, Mexican bean beetles, and cabbage and tomato caterpillars.

One idea is using pheromones to trap natural enemies, and then creating mini-insectaries by placing cages full of natural enemies into crop fields and landscapes. Predator production can be maximized with “an in-field nursery where we are putting these trapped bugs right inside of the (mesh) cage” over plants in the field, said Aldrich. “You pick a mesh size where the adults can’t get out, but when they lay eggs then the nymphs can walk out and start feeding on pest species in the vicinity.” In field tests, potato defoliation was reduced and yield significantly increased.

In bean field tests, spined soldier bug nymphs walked upwind towards an aggregation pheromone. In sequential plantings, this technique could be used by farmers to move or herd predators out of maturing fields into more newly planted fields. Pheromone technologies are also being explored to maximize biocontrol by minute pirate bugs, big-eyed bugs, tachinid flies, and other natural enemies.

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Aroma alami tubuh seseorang memegang peran penting dalam menemukan pasangannya...

Dari sebuah artikel di sebuah situs berita kompas.com menulis sebuah penelitian yang dilakukan oleh Karl Grammer dan Elizabeth Oberzaucher, dua ilmuwan yang mempelajari bagaimana aroma tubuh manusia mempengaruhi ketertarikan seksual lawan jenis… Mereka mendapati.., ketika sedang berovulasi wanita mengeluarkan pheromones yang disebut sebagai copulins. Zat ini memiliki suatu aroma tertentu… Ketika pria menangkap aroma ini di hidungnya.., hormon testosteronnya meningkat. Dan hasilnya….., si pria akan mengeluarkan androstenone, suatu aroma dalam tubuh pria yang menolak wanita yang tak sedang berovulasi…

Dr. Laura Berman, seorang terapis seks kenamaan, mengatakan bahwa ilmu pengetahuan dan evolusi memainkan peran yang besar dalam hal ketertarikan lawan jenis… Manusia sebenarnya mampu membedakan lebih dari 10.000 aroma secara sadar…, ungkap Berman. Namun….., tetap ada sekian banyak aroma yang tak kentara yang kita sendiri tak menyadari sedang kita hirup…..

Dr Berman pernah melakukan suatu penelitian.., dimana sejumlah wanita diminta untuk menghirup aroma kaus beberapa pria yang sudah dilepas… Mayoritas.., para wanita ini tertarik kepada kaus pria yang major histocompatability complexes (MHC)-nya berbeda dari mereka… MHC adalah sebuah koleksi gen yang berhubungan dengan sebuah sistem imun tubuh… “Secara tak sadar, kita ingin berhubungan dengan seseorang yang memiliki sistem imun tubuh berbeda dari kita,” ungkap dr Berman….. Konon.., ini merupakan suatu tindak bawah sadar kita untuk memilih pasangan yang daya tahan tubuhnya lebih baik atau berbeda dari kita agar anak-anaknya kelak memiliki daya tahan yang jauh lebih baik…..

Tapi kan… bila menurut hasil penelitian di atas…, bukan berarti kamu terus bersantai menunggu si jodoh datang dari langit tanpa membersihkan dan merawat diri, enggak banget deh… Aroma tubuh seseorang secara alami hanya merupakan 1 dari 5 titik ketertarikan dari lawan jenis… Yang lainnya…, gaya mencium.., suara.., fitur pada wajah.., dan ini juga….. keuangan yang baik.., bukannya matre looh… kayaknya juga penting deehhh…..

Iya bangetss……

(Diolah dari: kompas.com)

For some reason, for the past week I have been thinking a lot about natural selection, genetics, race/gene pools, etc, so it must be something relevent to write at this time, especially since I know there is always someone out there that is thinking about the same things.

I was born with a Japanese mother, a Caucasian father, and a whole lot of questions. While growing up, I was always changing my identity. If a black boy in elementary school made fun of me because I was chinese, i yelled at him and said “im japanese, ur stupid.” If a white kid wasn`t as nice to me as to the other white kids, I was only half asian. If the asian kids said my skin is too white, then I was Japanese. If a hispanic kid tried to be friends with me, I had to tell them, “I adore enchiladas but i don`t speak burritos.” Ok well maybe the last one didnt really happen, but I have gotten a lot of hispanic comments in the past.

So being “biracial”, obviously has an impact on how your identity is shaped and how it can change at any given time throughout the years and even throughout the week. I was shocked to hear a new story about my 7th grade brother, who is having a tough time with this just like I have when I was his age. Although, contrary to my experience, he feels more comfortable with the white kids he says. He also says that the glasses he wears hides his asian eyes so the 8th grade vietnamese boys end up looking at him all wierd. Thats when I thought, damn, I wish I could help him somehow, what do I do?! Nothing, there is nothing I can do, people have the choice to go through their own path to identify themselves on their own.

twins, two biracial parents

Last night I remembered a situation I had a few years ago, when a caucasian girl whom I barely knew, was praising me for my biracial qualities. It went something like, ” Thats so great that you are mixed, no wonder why you are so beautiful! Mixed children are proven to have the best genes since the parents are not from the same gene pool, therefore better looks, better brains, better everything!” I remember thinking, well cool, I didnt need you to tell me that cuz everyone knows that I`m already fucking awesome with or without my parent`s awesome genes, but thanks for supporting people of my kind

Now when I look it up, I guess it really is proven. They say that biracial children have maximum genetic variability. Variability is very important in human evolution. It basically means the capability of a human to adapt to environmental stress, less susceptibility to diseases and illness, variably fit for natural selection, therefore resulting in a fucking awesome human. Yeah, I will say it, I am awesome. Everyone who has been or is alive in this day in age is pretty awesome, almost a miracle in fact, to be such an evolved human being.

Since I am already biracial, I wonder how my kids are gonna turn out according to the genetic variability. If I have kids with an asian man, will my kid be just an asian kid with extra awesomeness? Of if I have a kid with a black man, will that allow my kid to fly since there are 3 gene pools involved? If I have a kid with a white guy, then will that mean my parent`s efforts into creating an awesome child have gone to waste? (haha jk) Or what about with a man who is also mixed like myself? I dont really expect any answers from this, because I bet there are a million variables depending on the individual human and endless circumstances that possibly come up. Its just really interesting to think about, and also because it just makes me feel even more awesome that people must have a subconcious wild desire to have my babies since my genes and pheromones are filled with awesome toxins. Thats a little scary though… what if no one really actually liked me? Like if my friends werent really my friends, and boys just like my human scent and could care less for my awesome brains. Maybe boys are just like that in general though… so nevermind that thought. Im sure I have an awesome built in bullshit radar as well, so I must be safe. Thank god, real men must be the animals that my awesome genes are able to recognize as selectively compatible to have my babies. So much power, dont know what to do with this! Although I am not crazy about children at the moment, maybe eventually I will mate like crazy due to my awesome hormones wanting to spread awesomeness throughout the world.

So if you are “nay” for the extinction of the human race, go make some babies with someone a different skin color than you. Then maybe we can turn into undefeatable zombies or fat pigs that can run as fast as a panther no matter how many big macs are hanging over your belt or french fries poking out on your thighs a.k.a “cellulite”. (this happened to my friend, not me of course)

ok although this is my blog, there should be an end to this sillyness. On a more serious note, maximum genetic variability could mean something but I also believe than it can mean nothing. Its really up to you how your life turns out, whether you take care of your health and diet, whether you desire going to college, learning how to put a car together, becoming a nun/priest, whatever it is, maximum variability should not be only limited within one human body. We need maximum variability within the community as well, the more variability, the more beautiful life can be for many of us. Venture out people. Enjoy the variety. Live a little, have fun, we are just a bunch of crazy M&Ms who have arms and legs thinking we are the shit, but in reality we all melt, we all taste the same.