I’ve been chugging along on it, which is why I haven’t been posting. I have successfully (in principle) completed my experiment. It feels good to shut off the noisy equipment.

I’ve begun the analysis, which is a bit time consuming. The time is up to the strength of the computer/amount of data there is to process. There is indeed a lot of data to process. We’re using Mathematica, which is interesting and a big learning process. I have novice skills with Mathematica, but I’ve never loaded data with it and tried to process stuff. My advisor has created some programs in Mathematica to ease the process, but going through someone’s code is difficult. Everyone has their own lingo and inherit understanding. My advisor, unlike me, tends to not declare variables outside the functions (just straight up puts the numbers in and remembers to change them accordingly) and comment. I find it challenging to figure it out and then modify it for my ease.

I’m really working on hustling this out. Since my advisor goes on vacation soon, I want to ship him out with a first draft of my thesis. With him gone for 2 weeks, I figure I can take a break. Also, he may (I don’t know how much work he plans on doing during his vacation) be able to send corrections to me via email. Besides completing data analysis (should be finished with a lot of it on Sunday), I’m a bit held up with the theory section. I like using original papers, because sometimes books write in a way that I’m not sure if the idea is from the book’s author or the famous paper the book’s author is writing about. Unfortunately, the original papers are often in foreign languages and the translated ones are hard to get (not available via Google Scholar).

I’ll hopefully be able to write some more, but right now, my life is mainly my thesis, teaching, job hunting. I’ve been able to fit in the occasional break

E successfully defended his thesis today. Besides not wanting to see someone fail, I was rather nervous, because E is the first student of my advisor. In other words, I had no proof that my advisor is able to get a student through the MS thesis. Although I had no reason to doubt that, it is comforting to have proof.

Part of what I like about grad school is the thesis defense. My program has very little community, so I’m always amazed to see that people come out for the defenses and that people do wait anxiously to see the defender succeed. It’s like a weird family; even if people don’t appear to care about each other, perhaps they truly do. I also like learning about physics. I feel like come away from everyone’s research learning something new.

On another note from the past two days, I found out that two jobs I had applied for in 2006/2007 are up again in the Boston-area. They upped their ante from last time; the minimum requirement is an MS and one of them has an even more complicated process.  I have to write a teaching statement and submit three recommendations. While I am indeed applying for both jobs, the cynic in believes that I will be overlooked for a PhD. In this job market, I would believe that they could get a PhD. *sigh

There’s some suspicious strain of flu (or flu-like) symptoms going around the physics department. I think I’m the 4th or 5th person to get it. I think it was inevitable, since one of the people who was sick works in my lab.

I’m glad to be done with finals at least. Now I just want to get healthy.

If I do go back to school, this isn’t my last exam ever, but it is of my MS in physics.

I think the worst part of exams is waiting to take them. I have about an hour left, but I reached the point where I realized studying won’t help. I either know it or I do not.

I’m going to miss this class a lot. I forget if I mentioned it, but I chose to take a class outside the physics department. It turned out to be a much better choice for me than I had realized. I simply didn’t want to take astrophysics and had to search for a class that wasn’t setting me up for failure and that I could get approved.

I hadn’t taken chemistry since I was a sophomore in high school. I now regret not taking it at the undergraduate level. I thought it was really interesting to see how well chemistry and physics worked together. The professor was incredibly helpful in my research; he suggested two materials that made the research happen.

More importantly, this professor has me thinking more about doing engineering and taught me a lot about the field of science. I didn’t look at physics in a rose-colored glasses way, but talking to him made me realize that I should look at the big picture and that I can get where I want to go in other ways.

Wish me luck on my exam!

At least for the summer. I was just informed about a minute ago.

I’m exicted that I can stop job searching for the summer and that I can do what I wanted to do. Woo-hoo!

Unfortunately, we end on kind of a downer in terms of labs. They sit there most of the time, doing nothing. It’s a gamma radiation lab, where the Geiger counter does what it sounds like: counts.

I feel a little sad, but I also hate endings. With having an unsecure future, both immediate and long-term, it’s hard to feel good about the end. Teaching may not be my strongest interest, but I also enjoy it enough and I feel like I’m much better than before.

And the conclusion from my boss on my job? The department head still hasn’t made up his mind. We’re in Week #9 of class. Next week is the last week. The week after that is finals, and then is summer school. They have less than 3 weeks to figure this out.

Job prospects for in Chicago for the summer look dim still. I’ve been throwing my resume out to places, hoping for something, as well as keeping my eyes peeled for a job and talking to people. It doesn’t look good. I talked to a guy who works at the cat food store; he said his friend graduated top of her law class at the University of Chicago and can’t get hired, either. He’s optimistic that things will pick up very soon and very well, but I’m not so sure. I have my doubts of it being soon, in any case.

Because of this, I’ve been cutting back on most of my extra spending, which is a shame. I found some books I want to buy, Bharatanatyam classes are beginning in about a week, and I really want a new pair of zills. Obviously, there’s also the part I don’t want to deplete my savings if (and I believe there is a very strong chance) I don’t have a permanent job by the end of summer.

My boss told me that they should have a decision regarding if I’m allowed to TA for the summer. I was told the meeting began at 3:30.

I hate knowing that. I feel very anxious, even though I think I’ve more or less convinced myself that I need a job this summer. I talked with my boss today about this issue, since we did have two more or less graduated TAs last year work over the summer. It appears my employment is at the whim of the dean and whoever else is in charge.

Wish me luck!

In some areas, a lot, in some, not some much. I have managed to do the following this past week or two:

• I switched over from a resume to a CV. I don’t know if it’ll make a huge difference in my life, but I figured that I may as well go for it. A CV is more specialized, from what I understand, and has more clear markings of what goes where.
• I’ve looked and applied for some jobs, mainly for the summer. The physics job market is rough. It was bad when I looked 2-3 years ago with just a BA. I think it’s even worse in Boston than it was when I last looked. From what I understand, most universities (which is really the backbone of Boston) are suffering from the economic situation in this country. I wish I had double majored in biology; I’m not particularly interested in biology, but I would have a great chance of getting a job.
• My boss cannot tell me if I’m hired to TA yet for the summer. It is not her fault; she is waiting to hear back from the dean. I hope she can tell me soon, so I can either stop searching for a summer job or get myself in high gear.
• The problem with finding a summer job is I have to be somewhat picky. I want something that is flexible and part-time (because of my thesis), which seems to be hard to find.
• I’m thinking about the long-term as well, and I think I maybe should do something other than physics. I had a good talk with one of my friends, who is picking his career path not only by what he likes but also by the prospect of getting a job. I talked with my chemistry professor the other night, too; he said that getting a job with a PhD in a pure science is getting increasingly difficult (he has a lot of family in other facets of science). Even though I have said things about not liking engineering, I’m thinking about that now. Why? There is more job opportunity, I think, in engineering and my professor said that a lot of times, jobs demand that you have a degree in engineering when you’re just doing what physicist or chemist is able to do. Although I don’t understand the logic of that (why a place would be so picky, if another person could fulfill the job duties), I can believe it. I know there have been jobs I had in the past that require a BA, when I think I could have been fine doing them fresh out of high school. When I think about my job future, what’s important to me is getting a job in research. I don’t care what my title technically is.

Since I’m not banking on grad school in the fall at this point, I need to have employment. I’m lucky in that I have no school debt, but I still need a roof over my head, food in my kitties’ bellies (and mine!), etc.

I’ve been looking around, and the prospects aren’t so hot. If you knew me around 2006, the job market wasn’t great back then. Being somewhat practical, I would apply for administrative assistant jobs. I have many stories where I would go to an interview for administrative assistant jobs, and I’d be mercilessly grilled about whether I wanted the job. What I think happened was that they were afraid I’d quit when I would get a physics job, and I believe that they thought it would happen sooner than later. They also insisted that I’d be bored.

I spent the 2006-2007 year in non-physics jobs, not for a lack of trying. When making ends meet, any legal job is good enough. Interest takes a back burner, and I learned that any job can be somewhat interesting.

The job market is much uglier for physics than I’ve seen in the past. I’m not surprised. Academia is suffering financially, and most, if not all, of the national labs have experienced cuts.

If you’re in biology, they still have (at least compared to physics) ample jobs. I’ve found only a small handful of jobs in physics lately that I’m qualified for. A very small handful, like 3. I think having an MS in physics is going to be more detrimental to me getting an administrative job; the hiring folks will most likely believe even more strongly that I’m going to quit within a month. I can’t bluff my way out of an MS, since it is true and apparent that the path I desire is physics or science. However, I’m extremely doubtful that I can get a science job at this point. There aren’t that many available for physics, and they are mostly for PhDs or people with teaching certificates.

I’m not pretending that I don’t want a physics job, because I do. I enjoy physics, and if I get a research job, it’ll look good for when I do want to try to get into a PhD program again, not to mention networking opportunities. I guess wish me luck in the quest for a job?

Well, it partially works. The other day I ran my experiment. I came back the next day and saw something odd. What is classically thought is if we sit another fluid on the bottom (as long as gravity doesn’t hold it back), the fluid will diffuse, rising upward. What we saw with the latest run is the fluid took a very strange path; we discovered we have a mixing due to buoyancy issue. That’s bad; diffusion allegedly happens on its own; there’s supposedly no force (like buoyancy) that causes it). So part of my data is no good. I have to analyze it all, but I’m not optimistic about it.

As for the money situation with my other experiments, we’re very lucky (and I’m very relieved). One of the professors is able to get what I need from Argonne. The other thing is rather funny. My chemistry professor (I don’t recall if I mentioned I’m taking a class in chemistry but I am) and I have discussed my research project twice. Taking this class is quite fortuitous, because he knows a lot about polymers. I am more than happy to admit I know very little about them, but I also know I’m not afraid to ask for help from someone I believe knows more than I. I went to class on Tuesday (and I think I did decently on my exam), and he asked how things were going with my research. I told him we had a money issue, so we were still exploring the materials that he suggested. He then suggested that we use milk to observe the microscope stuff.

Miraculously, it worked very well. Milk is actually a colloid (particles suspended in a liquid), which is what we needed. Milk is also absolutely disgusting to look at on the molecular level; to me, it looked like maggots in something.

Other than that, my lab assistants are working well. The kid I had as a student is starting to feel useful (that’s what he said), even though I already thought he was being useful. I’ve written a small chunk of my thesis (3 pages, I believe) and will probably churn out another 3 pages within the next few days. I hear this is the hardest part, writing and motivating yourself to write. I think I’ve concluded there is absolutely no ideal weather to write in. If it’s cold, all you want to do is snuggle up in bed or sit around, sitting coffee or hot chocolate. If it’s warm, you want to be outside, enjoying the weather. However, I am going to write this weekend, no matter what.

Despite the setback, I feel like I have made progress. It’d be nice if I made more progress, but I feel like I am making some.

I just hope it all works out in the end.

Two major money woes occurred in the course of the past few days.

1. My lab’s money has just been frozen. I’m not sure why (according to my advisor, we still had half of the money allocated to us), but it has been. We have to get the department chair’s approval. What that means for me? My thesis is in a precarious situation. I have roughly 1/3 of the data collection done. We have to purchase something for another 1/3 of the experiment, and we more than likely will have to purchase something for the last 1/3. I’m worried that he may take awhile approving purchases or simply not approve them. I had asked my advisor what happens if I can’t continue with my experiments; he said that we’ll have to make the 1/3 work. I’m doubtful that will be allowed, since my thesis will be a 1/3 smaller than everyone else’s.

2. My TAing job for the summer is in jeopardy. My boss presented me with the possibility of not being hired during the summer, because I’m finished with classes. I’m still technically a student, since I haven’t defended my thesis. She has to investigate it further, but I’m very worried. I have enough in savings I could live off of, but I also didn’t want to deplete my savings without knowing what’s in store for me in the future. If I go without employment, I need something to live off of.

This all would have to occur right before my midterm. Great timing, huh?

After yesterday’s cryptic entry, I feel compelled to write more about it.

One of the TAs, R, does not respond well to me being in charge. Two people have told me that she complains about me stopping into their labs a few times (the extent of my visits is saying hello, asking how things are, and leaving). I do this for two reasons. One is that sometimes a third person is needed to help. Computers go crazy (on Thursday, because both TAs were busy, I ended up helping some students print), sometimes the equipment breaks in mysterious ways, sometimes 4 groups all need help on a long lab and there are only two people. I don’t overstep my bounds by thinking that they need help, but if the TAs in the room ask me to help, certainly I will.

The second point is to confirm things are running smoothly and to be able to tell my boss, G, that everyone is a good worker. We have gotten student complaints from time to time. I have no idea if they’re legitimate or not; my rationale is that if a student claims so and so is doing something wrong, I’d probably catch it if I’m walking into the classroom 2 or 3 times during a 2 hour session. Right now, I can actually say only nice things about everyone. The students seem comfortable with everyone and are getting it.

I reall don’t understand what R’s issue is. I haven’t yelled at her, told her that she’s done anything wrong, overstepped lines, etc. She was being rather passive aggressive with me yesterday about doing something I had asked; this was after she was behaving bizarrely Thursday (I told her that I’d clean up her lab, because her class was beginning, and she didn’t want me to, although the other TA was fine with it and I didn’t have class). I had a long talk with my advisor, though, because I was upset. R and I aren’t best friends, but I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong. I don’t feel that I can quit, since my boss would not be happy with that and will remain my boss through the summer. I also like everyone else, and everyone else has been fine.

My advisor, having been in charge of things in his past, said some people simply do not like others in charge and that unfortunate part of leadership is coping with that. He said that some people just don’t like that and that he dealt with even family getting upset with him being in charge of something, even though they were not affected by it. I feel a little better knowing that it might not be me but her; I have put a lot of effort into thinking of how to keep ourselves in our boss’s good favor.

I hope things get better with R, seeing as how I have to teach with her and see her weekly.

I’ve been learning the hard way some people simply don’t respond well to authority, even though I’m trying (and think I am) to be a nice and fair boss.

*sigh

I’m running my experiment for the second time. I didn’t announce the other time, in fear that it would be jinxed.

It feels good to be up and running. I am really starting to make some progress with my thesis. I’ve written about 2 pages (not a lot, but it’s a start) and my research assisstants are working out well. I’m glad to have their help; one of the things I’ve realized a while ago is that I can’t do everything myself. When only considering time, it’s impossible to get everything accomplished.

I think I’m at a good palce for my projected defensive date. At least I’m hoping.

Being in my final quarter of teaching (well, besides summer), I feel a little sentimental. I teach two lab sections of a non-major’s course on atomic physics and light and one course of non-major general physics.

My atomic physics is okay. The biggest problem I have (or rather, they) is they are not good at math. Actually, I think they know it, but they haven’t seen it in years or don’t feel confident. I’m hoping that they do become more confident as time progresses. The ones that I talked to are at least trying to learn, which is nice to see. Since this class is only a general requirement filler, they have no reason to really learn it.

My general physics class is 30 students big. The other TA and I don’t sit the entire time and work in two different rooms (so many students that they have two rooms!) I feel like they are apprehensive towards me, because they had R, the other TA, both quarters and have never seen me. It’s very common for students to be hesistant to talk to a new person. I’ve also for all three of my classes been given the unpleasant task of going over rules for labs. In general, I know that the students are more- afraid of me. I call them out on their bad behaviors, such as talking over me (I won’t speak to my classes unless they all are quiet). I don’t bend rules for them. I know I’m one of the few who does all that (or maybe the only person). Some of the other TAs are more easy going or really want to be friends with their students. However, I do think they start out respecting me and even grow to like me. I do relate to them on some level, and I know something about all of them by mid-quarter; I may not be able to tell you their names, but I can usually tell you something about their personality or what they want to be.

I think my classes will go well this quarter.

One of my experiments is up and running, thank goodness. I have been running it for almost a week, and we are still waiting patiently to see data. I might let it run over the weekend; there is some concern that the fluid will float to the top and not show diffusion. I’m doubtful that’ll happen (mainy because I saw how fast things float to the top before with this experiment), but we’ll see.

While I’ve been waiting, I’ve been looking this past week at different dance forms to explore. Why? I like trying new things, and I’ve been doing Middle Eastern dance solid for a while. I’ve read various people’s thoughts about cross training in different dance forms, and I tend to side with the much favored school of cross training. I think it’s a good way to balance the body, for starters.Certain dances tend to work one part of the body extensively and not the other. Because I’m interested in fusion dance, learning the dances in their “pure form” is important. I’ve learned that if I want to some sort of tribal fusion, for instance, I need to learn the original form. Without careful instruction or observation, it’s easy to miss subtle parts of a move that polish it. I’m of the learning the original school of thought, just because “you can’t break the rules until you know them.” I also am genuinely interested in moving beautifully, and learning other dances for me has been a means of learning how to move beautifully.

Since Odissi and Bharatanatyam appear to be non-existent in Chicago without car access, I decided to seek out something else. Danielle suggested that I look into Flamenco; she herself is a Flamenco fan and huge advocate of the dance. To tell you the truth, I know very little about Flamenco. By very little, I knew it is Spanish, they wear shoes, and I believe play castanets. I still know very little, but this clip sold me on learning:

I’m not sure if it’ll be my passion, but I found the dancing in this clip gorgeous. I’m not sure if it’s good Flamenco, but I liked the dancing a lot. I take it as an excellent sign that I should learn Flamenco, because the basic class is on a Wednesday, when I used to learn veil. Veil was moved to Mondays for some reason, leaving Wednesdays free to learn Flamenco. I’m excited about learning this. I start in 2 weeks.

I got lost in Prague. My hotel was very near a central transportation hub with two very large tram stops on opposite sides of a corner. Instead of walking I decided to be clever and hope on a tram to my destination. About 20 minutes later I was totally lost. I got off the tram but I could see no land marks. The obvious thing was to get back on the tram, but what would have been even better would have been to look at a map. Of course, I was far enough out of the central tourist area that there were no maps on the tram stops.

Ah! I have a smart phone. It has a GPS chip. A few minutes later I knew where I was – not that far from where I wanted to be, just on the wrong side of a hill. How awesome is that?

It was pretty awesome until I checked my cell phone bill online. That quick fix required about 0.9 megabytes of data. And cost me close to 20 bucks!! Yikes! Imagine what would have happened if I’d actually left the cell phone going, receiving emails, etc.

I’ve been resisting paying an extra 25 bucks a month for cheap (limited) data access over in Europe. But modern smart phones are just too useful. The question is – will the limited amount of data (20 MB) be enough for one week of travel? Time will tell…

Today was my first stint being in charge. I like some parts of it, but I think I’m expected to check up on the labs (I stopped in twice for each one). That, coupled with teaching on Thursday afternoons, kills any kind of activity.

My boss is busy, so I run the lab setups for the intro, non-physics major classes. Since we all get along fairly well, it’s hard to keep people on task. I learned also everyone has different understanding of electronics, so some people are currently better at it. I’m trying to get everyone caught up. Electronics are not easy. With most of the labs they’ve had, there really is only one way to do them. Electronics can be wired differently, so student A’s circuit can technically produce the same results as student B’s, even if they are wired differently.

I think the TAs are somewhat happy with my leadership (I hope!). I helped change our grading, to make it clearer for the students and easier for the grads. I don’t think everyone is thrilled with me showing up occasionally, but I hope that they realize I’m not being distrustful or spying. If things go awry, obviously I will say something, but I can also say something nice if I witness good behavior . It’s easier for me to tell my boss that everything is great if I can see that it is. If I see potential problems, I can also say something to everyone. Since we don’t get much training on teaching before we’re thrown out into the wild, I think it’s somewhat helpful if I can help everyone. I personally felt intimidated by teaching labs; I freaked that I wouldn’t know anything, that students woudl hate me, and that it would be a complete disaster caused solely by me. I wasn’t great when I began, but things became better when I learned little tricks and methods and my confidence grew. Although some of it people simply have to figure out on their own, I want to give the newer TAs help that I didn’t really have.

I hope our new system works out. I also hope that I can maintain healthy relations with my classmates. I’m not going to throw them under a bus, but I also don’t have a problem telling them where they went wrong or (God forbid) letting our boss know where they went wrong. I hope it never comes to that.

Wu-Ki Tung just passed away.

Wu-Ki is famous for his work on parton distribution functions (PDFs). I’ve known of him for years – but after retiring from MSU he moved to Seattle to be near his kids. Once here he joined the department of physics as an affiliate. That was when I got to know him personally. He attended many of our joint theory-experiment meetings. He helped me out a bit when I was teaching my graduate particle physics course (he wrote a book related to the topic). He smart and knowledgeable and always helpful. He will be missed.

I stole the picture from his retirement symposium page.

For me, at least. I’ve been incredibly busy. On Monday, my boss told me that she wanted me in charge of the general physics group. There are no real benefits except resume fodder and being able to make things work for others. I’m glad that I get to be the sort of boss. I think all my peers respect me enough to take me seriously.

I’ve been working hard with the research. My group has worked out well. I worry that the undergraduate doesn’t have enough to do, so I’ve been busy trying to think of things for him to help with. I wrote the first page of my thesis, a section on the experimental equipment. It is not good, but I figure that probably the hardest thing to do is start.

Even though I only TA, I do try to help the students I have the best I can; I think I generally enjoy helping people and try to as many ways as I can (fun fact: I wanted to be a school psychologist from age 8 to 16). The school I attend is largely commuter. I myself do miss the community sometimes that undergraduate school had, so I try to take an active interest in my students. I may not know their names entirely (I suck at remembering names), but I usually know their majors, stuff they like to do, their personalities, etc.

Last quarter, one of my students mentioned that he didn’t know what he wanted to do with himself but was considering physics. Even though he is a biology major, I suggested he look into doing research in the physics department. I honestly only started seeing a future for myself in physics when I started doing research. If anything, I figured it would be good resume fodder to work in a lab. In particular, I suggested my lab, because we just lost a student (he switched labs).

My advisor is game, which is awesome. Generally, the people who do research in the labs are physics devotees. However, at the first year physics level, I didn’t see much of a difference on whole between the pre-med intro physics and the physics major intro physics students. By that, I mean their skill levels seem pretty equal; the only difference may be that the majors are more comfortable with calculus.

In any case, perhaps I’ve converted someone ?

I have 2 problems left on my take home final due Friday, and I’m struggling to get them done. Not only because they aren’t simple, but also because I think I burned out a little.

I think I did almost take on too much this past quarter. Trying to hustle my thesis (with very little progress), TAing, classes, and keeping up in dance- that takes a toll on a person. This is the first time in my life I’ve actually experienced physical ailments (back hurting, stiffness) from being at a desk too much and not sleeping enough.

I look forward to taking a break. Even with research, I feel like next week will be better for me.

My Dad is also an experimental particle physicist. Here is a picture from 1961 – about 5 years before I was born – when he was a graduate student at Yale:

My dad is the guy in the middle. Check out the lack of tie! That is like going to work in a tee shirt these days! And that was a complete experiment – a small scattering chamber (on the left), a pumping station with sample collector (middle, Dad built that), and then the controls on the right. Nice dial.

If you look around the flickr stream that clicking on that picture above sends you to you’ll see several other pictures like that from the time (along with ones of me when I was really young!). The look so NASA, don’t they? The other thing that impresses you (or me) is how small the experiments are. For scale, here is one of my current ones:

Note the tiny little person standing in the middle there. Of course there is no way I could every have built 1/3 of the experiment there!

The Good Olde Days!

Today I finished my laser physics class. We did poster presentations. It was odd, because he wanted us to do our presentations a little differently than from when I’ve done poster sessions. He wanted a spiel prepared. I typically stand beside my poster (I’ve done about 4) and let it speak for me. If the visitor has question, I answer. I design my poster such that (as I described today in class) I can go use the bathroom or leave it for a weekend.

It was more fun than I had expected. Our class doesn’t sit around, talking about physics, so it was cool to hear everyone’s thoughts on it. The posters also let me know what people were interested in. Most people did related projects to what they had done in computational physics; for instance, people who did astrophysics computational projects did astrophysics laser projects.

This particular project, though nerve wracking, was a good way to end the quarter.