for carla - DC metro's newest resident pinay

your eyes still carry san diego sunsets
your skin still awaits west coast weather
but the cold crashes against your core
shattering all senses of center
this homesick homechick

stares at streams of stilled images
pixelated people
running skype like running water
you need both to live
sometimes survive

AIM closer to home
sleeping with the computer on
because it replaces what’s closer
to becoming erased
if you don’t savor it
you might not save it

i know it’s tough
to be in a Dehydrating City
that DisConnects you
from oceans full of support
but here, you must make waves

i told you that it took me three weeks
to turn wishful thinking
into teachable moments
prescription packages
of self-empowerment

homesickness only heals
with caplets of time
imbibe seconds slowly
chase with dreams
and the restlessness will liquidate

Welcome to the East Coast, Carla! I know it’s not easy and I know it’s easier for me to say as someone who’s leaving this place in 12 days (yup, the countdown is on and poppin). But until then, we’ll own this city one museum, one FAIL jumping picture and one inside joke at a time. Staying indefinitely has got to be a blessing. You will do well here. I believe it!

FAIL jump in FRONT of the Lincoln Memorial. You can't even see it! photo by Carla (jerk) Pineda

janice.

From the looks of things, Jasmine Hill meant business.

The 20-year-old college student issued a call to action to hundreds of her peers at the University of California San Diego who rallied yesterday in response to the state budget crisis.

There was no time for equivocating.

“Who’s ready to make some real moves?” Hill shouted into a microphone, as a sea of faces — many of which were brown-skinned like her own — gazed back.

“Go organize on your campuses,” said Hill, a third-year student at the University of California Los Angeles. “I can’t imagine a campus with people who don’t look like me. Somebody needs to make some real moves.” 

(see the article here…)

I woke up this morning to my busy girl ading Gracelynne West’s beautiful face and activism on the front of my internet home page – the Education section of signonsandiego.com. In the photo posted above, Gracelynne is the fierce Pinay in the middle sporting the Tommie Smith left fist pumped in air. After reading the article, I thought about how bad it’s gonna be for more students of color if the UC Regents approve this 32% fee hike. One of the students quoted in the aforementioned article talked about how it’s an accomplishment to get into the university, but that it’s another to stay in it. It’s so true! It’s sad and real to think that students who worked so hard to get in have it easier to think about dropping out, and foreal, I remember what that day in my third year of college looked like. I’m sure I wasn’t the first or the last UCSD student to hold down more than 1 job and more than 4 classes at once. I’ve known so many students who have come and gone throughout my undergraduate years due to financial issues, the university’s white culture and so many other things related to the reasons why many students of color have a tough time adjusting.

Please read more about what the students, staff and faculty are asking from the UC Regents by taking a look at this petition created by a coordinating council at UC Berkeley. 

janice.

http://images.thoronline.multiply.com/image/32/photos/1/500x500/3.jpg/7121005013972l.jpg?et=mbJ7Qo4WBM57Uc%2Bv9m8vTA&nmid=2747209

aight, i’ll happily take a late pass on fellow Pinoy, Thor.  lots of great singers in the Islands that I never hear about stateside… but here’s a coupla clips to get you on…

covering, Let’s Stay Together

covering, The Closer I Get – duet with Pinay megastar, NINA!

From Soundclick:  “A rare artist among his own generation, a singer, songwriter. Thor relates to music much in the way of legends like Stevie Wonder, Donny Hathaway, Marvin Gaye while listening to Glenn Lewis, Frank Mc Comb, Brian Mc Knight among others as contemporary inspirations.

Not that Thor would presume to be included in the category of such musical masters… but hearing him and the reaction given to him by his audience has clearly taken the first few steps in a career that already demonstrates an endless promise.

Anyone who craves for authentic R&B… from aching ballads to upbeat finger poppers, “THOR” will definitely let the magic of his supple voice weave a spell on you.

Witness ”THOR”, a rare artist among his own generation. Definitely, the next newest major and important artist to hit the Philippine music scene!”

1.
When men cat call with lines like “Damn, girl, you fine as hell,” I wonder if I am supposed to take it as a compliment. I mean, in most Christian denominations, hell is a place of pain, wretchedness and it is nothing I’d ever want anyone to feel. Not even you, womanizer. And really, what does your holleration accomplish?

2.
Washington D.C., your big, tall buildings and big, tall white people still do not scare me. Neither cut me down to size.

3.
Writing is like magic. If you’re a control freak, then it’s hard to be a writer.

4.
I fear for people who do not move fast enough on the BART or on the Metro. I hope they don’t get caught in between automatic doors on the trains. I hold my breath in hopes that they make it over the threshold and across the yellow lines safely.

5.
There are still some things about the past that cannot be changed. You might be able to change the way you understood things.

6.
Not everyone is out to get you, girl. Learning acceptance and learning to accept help is necessary for growth.

7.
I miss California because I miss being Pinay.

janice.

i know i've had partially blonde hair for a while now, but i still wonder why...

“…she’s Asian. Yeah. Who am I to to be sermonizing you about pride? As if my roots had never been soaked by ammonia and peroxide? As if my own vision was never tinted by synthetic plastic lenses, my own body whitewashed in Eurocentric ideals of beauty? And you might see me as hypocrite, and tune me out, but I can only relay this to you, as proof to you, that a clean cut head and dilated pupils ain’t so bad after all.” – Catzie Vilayphonh

janice.

taken in Deanna's Car

My girlfriends Mary and Kirstie and I have spent some time creating alternative monikers for the District of Columbia. Between the three of us, together or apart, we probably have about a hundred accurate definitions as to what D.C. could mean.

I never thought that I could Dream Chase as much I have. I didn’t think I could Draw Conclusions about how Draining California was. I’ve had a lot of time to think about where I was before I got here. I forget that the inevitable Departure from College will take place as soon as my internship with Book-in-a-Day is over. I remember spending Days under Covers upon arrival and Drowning in Challenges. It was like learning to love someone you’re stuck with – like some kind of step-sibling or a roommate you can’t stand.

Living in Disdain Constantly can’t be good for the soul. Now that I know how Days Can strike like minute hands on clocks and Disappear Cleverly, I want to smooth out the Deep Creases before me. I’ve processed the past, who I was a month and a half ago, and I’m still barely bouncing back enough to call myself okay. Like India Arie (and many others) sang, “All the things I thought I’d figured out, I had to learn again.” Something I know for sure: in every form of heartache and longing, there should be healthy healing. For me, DC has been about forgiveness as much as it was about gaining experience.

Last week, I purchased my one-way ticket back to San Jose. I’ll be back in the center of my universe in exactly a month from now for who knows how long. As much I told people that I didn’t get along with DC, I just know that this past week has been the path towards accepting it for what it could offer me and not for what it couldn’t. DC’s black-white racial dynamics Drastically Contrasted from Diversity in California and it’s enough to Drive a Filipina girl like me Crazy.

Last week, in Long Island, I started womanifesting foreal. After some inspiring conversations from my boss-mentor-supervisors Tinesha, Deanna and Kwame, I woke up owning my days, making each one better than the last and hungrier to make things happen for myself. I’m going to Discover Creativity and Diagram Change in DC by taking advantage of book readings, getting lost in bookstores (Borders has a small poetry collection and this makes me sad), going to more open mic nights for work or not, meeting more poets, educators and writers to jump start this East Coast network of people who feel me. I guess this is what it’s gotta be like for now.

I womanifest living up my last days on this (b)east coast, I Declare Control of my Destiny and Career, hope to learn to love myself through these stanzas, line breaks and spacing. Now that I have a better idea of my expiration date here, I can work-play like it’s the night before a midterm and cram everything I’ve always wanted to learn in DC.

“Don’t block the blessing.”

janice.

Gising sa umaga, pasok sa trabaho, labas sa hapon, diretso bahay, kain, tulog. Aba’y ganyan nga, kayod ng kayod.

Browse ng internet.

Bukas ganun ulit? Ahahay!

Well, tonight, browse muna sa ganda ng Pinay

Candid shots of eye candies.

Joining Kamalayan Kollective in college politicized me. In Tagalog, Kamalayan means ‘consciousness.’ KK helped me realize that I wasn’t alone in righting the wrongs. I learned about being a Pinay in relation to my family, friends, the university system, my lived experiences and within the context of U.S. history and current events. Organizing with other folks who went to protests and went through struggle kept me grounded. Here, I learned to articulate ‘Pinay’ as more than a cool part of my screen name and more than being Filipina American, but as a political identity of reclamation against histories of patriarchy and imperialism that have written me out. 

In KK, we used to put on educational discussions (eskwelahans/aralans) on topics ranging from human trafficking, Justice for Filipina/o American World War 2 Veterans, and other topics about Pinay/Pinoy issues. We collaborated with other campus and community organizations. We did arts and crafts during our Pinay Speaks and Pinoy Chats lunchtime forums because we knew it was good for the soul. We listened to each other speak. We sat with each other in silence. We clashed, we talked things out together, we thought out our roles as agents of change and on top of all of the emotional work we put in for ourselves and each other – we were students!

We wondered if we were a collective. We wanted to collaborate. We carried the capital T Truth inside of our hearts and strived to let our comrades and community know. We cried out of happiness, joy and frustration. We were angry. We laughed. We knew what Toni Cade Bambara said – that revolution must start with self. We took classes together. We taught each other. I miss these spaces so much! There is NOTHING out in the ‘Real World’ (that I’ve found) that is anything like it. 

My ading/fellow writer/poet/student organizer/photographer, Christopher Datiles, created this slideshow for Kamalayan Kollective’s first open mic of the school year. I wish I could go back and perform for everyone out there like I have been out here. KK gave me the confidence to keep going and to keep writing. 

Thanks for the memories! Like most student orgs, once you’re in, you’re never really out. Keep up the good work! People need to knowwww about us!

janice.

photo by chris rafie (flickr.com/crafie)

today i declared
self-love. woke up to a new
morning. ready now.

i WOmanifest
that what gets me will keep me
struggling is learning

today i release
California worries;
gotta move on now.

i will celebrate
kirstie’s twenty-third birthday
my sista/wifey

things i know for sure:
rain falls, it’s okay, rewind.
at MOST, i got me.

janice.

where the people is on the ground is where you'll find me

a little rough round the edges but nevermind me, got a million motherfuckers standin behind me

Captions are from Pinay rapper EyeASage’s song “Find Me” off the Married to the Hustle Mixtape.

UCDC is an academic internship program that allows UC students the opportunity to work, play and live in Washington, D.C. Every year, students from each of the respective UCs can take a group photo in front of the White House. Not everyone in the UCSD cohort is in the picture because it was completely optional.

I took a look at the previous years’ photos, which are hanging in the UC Washington Center main office, and I noticed that the photos definitely lacked visible diversity and students of color (which is representative of the UC system and California higher education, in general). I thought it’d be important for future students of color to see people that look like themselves in the photos. Because, on the real, and especially these days, it’d be nice to see P/Filipina/o faces in picture frames hanging on walls.

You might notice that I enjoy taking jumping pictures. I’ve jumped in NYC, Bs. As., SD and now DC. The craze was inspired by my brother, Willard, who studied abroad in Cambridge, England and came back to the States with jumping pics from Stonehenge (below)! How dope is that?! Anyway, speaking of jumping… I skipped sleeping in today to go to work hecka early. While my lovelies on the West Coast were heading to bed (if you slept at 2:30 a.m. PST), I was already waking myself up to catch the Metro. It’s time for a siesta, siesta.

willard jumping in summer 2006

janice.

Today, I will take a journey within my self.

Today, I will begin a dialogue with my self.

Today, I will be a voice heard among the hundreds and thousands.

Today, I will be a voice campaigning for my rights and happiness.

Today, I will share this dialogue with you.

Today, I begin my liberation.