He phoned me up again this morning, in the same state as on recent days.  I couldn’t make anything out of him at all so I called him back this evening, in the hope that he might have settled down by then.  Whether he had settled down or not was debatable, but he was easier to understand.

Eskimo Eddie told me that yesterday he and a group of penguins, who he is currently referring to as his “little army”, got extremely busy.  Eskimo Eddie’s Little Army consisted of the penguins who had signed the petition that he had mentioned on his radio show last week.  Among those penguins are some of my dearest friends, including Charlie the carpenter, Wanderlust William, Cowboy Kenny, Sombrero Sam, the Cooking Twins, Dr Blet and even Percy.

Apparently, PP Polly was “taking a day off” yesterday and headed to the coast for a well deserved break.  While she was away, Eskimo Eddie and his Little Army stormed The (former) Park, tore down Noel’s wind turbines, broke them into many pieces and piled them up on the snow.  For once “Pirate” was not only allowed but encouraged to light a fire, steered as he was towards the new pile of broken turbine pieces.  The penguins gathered around the fire and drank hot mint cocoa to warm themselves while they waited for Noel to appear.  They were pretty sure it would only be a matter of time before he did, and they were right.

When Noel arrived he stepped back in horror, beak open wide.  Eskimo Eddie stepped forward and presented him with a Penguin Parliament Order that Eskimo Eddie had organised.  It stated that Noel hadn’t received planning permission for the turbines from the Penguin Parish Council.  Eskimo Eddie also gave Noel the petition saying that all those who had signed it wanted The (original) Park back.

Noel looked extremely displeased as he read the documents.  Then his expression became one of smugness as he tore up both pieces of paper and threw them on the fire.  Eskimo Eddie had anticipated the documents being destroyed by Noel, so he produced another set of copies.  Noel treated them in the same way, so Eskimo Eddie produced yet another set of copies and said that he could carry on like that all day if Noel wanted to have such a monumental waste of paper on his conscience.  Self-righteous little Noel had to swallow his pride and waddled off squttering*.

Eskimo Eddie told me that all the penguins assembled there were thrilled and exclaimed and clapped wingtips with glee.  However, Eskimo Eddie cancelled his radio show for the first time since he began broadcasting it, yesterday.  His reasoning was that by the time he would have started broadcasting the show it would have been a bit late but, more importantly, he felt too fired (!) up and wanted to send a message to the penguins who are still indifferent to the cause, in the hope that they will notice that something has happened.

Well, I can’t say I’m not glad the turbines have been taken down, and it is nice to feel that we have quite a bit of support from other penguins now.  It’s just a shame it came so late.  I would really like to be able to sort things out and go back to the Penguin Community for Spot’s sake, but I don’t know what to do for the best.  If I go back to the Penguin Community I can’t help thinking that Noel will just come up with some other hateful plan which will upset me in some other way.

*a cross between squawking and muttering

Since we were so pleased we decided to celebrate.  I dropped Spot off at Zig and Zag’s igloo, where he played with them for a couple of hours.  Meanwhile, Eskimo Eddie, Sparky, Charlie the carpenter and I had a fish and chip supper at Eskimo Eddie’s igloo and then we went to the Swigloo for some alcoholic lemonade!

While we were there, we learned from other penguins that there had been excitement of a different kind elsewhere in the Penguin Community today.  Before sunrise this morning a glimmer of light had been spied on the horizon.  It seemed to dart about in an erratic fashion as it came ever closer to the Hub.  When it got close enough for the on-looking penguins to see that there was a silhouette accompanying it, they realised that it was “Pirate” waddling about at speed with a candle.  Unfortunately, that meant that some poor penguins spent portions of their day chasing “Pirate” around, trying to catch him and snuff out his candle because they were afraid that he would otherwise set light to something.  The canny “Pirate” couldn’t be caught, though, so the big chase turned into more of a “big steer”, with a large group of penguins trying to herd him away from potential targets.  Oh, well, at least nothing caught light.

Oh dear, again.

Eskimo Eddie said yesterday that he knew what he was going to do, didn’t he?  Well, he’s done it.   This morning Eskimo Eddie went to the Hospigloo to squawk to Dr T.A. Blet, but it didn’t go well.

Eskimo Eddie rationally explained, in a calm tone of squawk, that he shouldn’t be forced into giving “Pirate” his own way.  Dr Blet’s expression exhibited disappointment.  The feathers on the back of Eskimo Eddie’s neck began to stand up, and he stated that he shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about not giving into “Pirate’s” blackmail or Dr Blet’s orders.  By now Dr Blet was looking rather indignant.  That caused Eskimo Eddie to say that if the medical care “Pirate” had received for his condition had been adequate in the first place, maybe it might not have been left up to everyone else to tip-flipper about around “Pirate” so much.  Dr Blet was furious at such an accusation and said that Eskimo Eddie is nothing but a control freak who has got to be in charge of everything.  Eskimo Eddie’s feathers were ruffled all over at that remark.  He retorted that the only reason he took the initiative to do things was because many others didn’t dare to since certain other penguins were always blocking plans, not least Percy, for fear of the cost of any new endeavours.  Eskimo Eddie said that someone had to do something or the Penguin Community would never develop and we may as well have all stayed Down South.

Both parties gulped at the hint of the conversation being steered towards The Curious Circumstances.  Hurriedly trying to stop that from happening, Eskimo Eddie said that that was all beside the point and that Dr Blet was the real control freak, telling other penguins what to do with their own things and ideas.  At that point, Eskimo Eddie stormed out of the Hospigloo in a huff and Dr Blet stood fuming in the Hospigloo corridor.

Today Eskimo Eddie was still feeling glum, so he went to Charlie the carpenter’s workshop and had a chat with Charlie about everything that Dr Blet had said about “Pirate” and the Pirate Radio Station.  Charlie could see what Dr Blet was saying and agreed that “Pirate” definitely needs a focus in his life other than flames.  However, Charlie felt that suggesting “Pirate” runs the Pirate Radio Station is a very bad idea.  Irresponsible, in fact.  Like Eskimo Eddie earlier in the week, Charlie thinks it is blackmail.  Despite Charlie being the penguin who had the most personal worry due to “Pirate’s” actions earlier in the week, he is adamant that he does not think blackmail should be given into.  I must admit, I agree with him.  As Charlie said, if “Pirate” is allowed to run a radio station just because he threatens to set light to something, what would he demand next?  Surely it would be more sensible to work on getting “Pirate” better for the long term than it would be to just let him have his own way for short term gain?

Eskimo Eddie’s chat with Charlie the carpenter cheered him up quite a bit.  My personal opinion is that Eskimo Eddie just wanted to be able to find someone who shared his viewpoint on the subject (though it’s very unlike Eskimo Eddie to worry what others might think).  So imagine how much more cheered up he was when I told him that I’d told Bruin about it all and he said Eskimo Eddie shouldn’t give into blackmail.  Bruin said the Pirate Radio Station was Eskimo Eddie’s idea so he shouldn’t surrender the project to someone else, especially someone who knew nothing about it.  In fact, Eskimo Eddie was so cheered up that he said that Bruin was right and he now knew exactly what he would do tomorrow.  He also said that Bruin would be very welcome to come to visit him and have a beverage at the Swigloo anytime!

When I went to the Penguin Community today I came across Eskimo Eddie, wandering away from the building site, and he was looking rather glum.  Evidently, Dr T.A. Blet had paid him a visit, just before I had, to discuss “Pirate”.  Dr Blet said he had been assessing “Pirate’s” condition in great detail and had come to the conclusion that he thinks that what “Pirate” is lacking is something to focus on to give him a purpose and a sense of self-worth.  With this in mind, Dr Blet went on to say that he thought Eskimo Eddie should let “Pirate” run the proposed radio station because he feels it could be the making of “Pirate”.  (Whereas Eskimo Eddie is concerned it could be the destroying of all the studio equipment.)  Eskimo Eddie doesn’t want to be selfish, but he admitted privately to me that he would feel awfully disappointed if, after having come up with the idea of the Pirate Radio Station, and after having planned it, he couldn’t run it himself as he had dreamed.  But he doesn’t want to not help anyone who needs help.  Poor Eskimo Eddie really doesn’t know what to do.

If I said today has been a little frantic in the Penguin Community, it would be an understatement.  A lot of penguins, including myself, were present on the building site.  Some of us were busy building, but some penguins had to guard the building site’s perimeter, following yesterday’s scare.  Our fears were by no means unfounded.  “Pirate” kept loitering around the area for most of the day, brandishing his lighter menacingly and trying to melt anything that he managed to get close to.  Thankfully, no serious damage was done at the building site, just more melted ice blocks.  Nonetheless, it was a nuisance because it means we now need to make up more ice blocks before we can continue building.

But it wasn’t over.

The biggest scare of the day came later in the afternoon.  When we saw “Pirate” waddle off, we breathed a collective sigh of relief, thinking that he had finally got bored and might, just might, be about to go home.  We couldn’t have been more wrong.  “Pirate” suddenly gathered speed and stormed into Charlie the carpenter’s workshop.  With his lighter firmly gripped in his wingtip, “Pirate” began waving it over Charlie’s stock of wood and varnishes, and threatening his tools.  On recounting events afterwards, poor Charlie said it had felt like an eternity as he had watched “Pirate” run a flame along in front of the shelves of toys and ornaments that Charlie had previously carved, painted and varnished.  Unbeknown to Charlie, at that time, we had gone to fetch Dr T.A. Blet and Dr Steph Scope.  They accompanied us to Charlie’s workshop where we all arrived just in time to stop “Pirate” from causing any real harm.  Unsurprisingly, Charlie was a bit shaken up but the only thing he’d lost to a flame was part of a hammer handle.

To our relief, Dr T.A. Blet and Dr Steph Scope took “Pirate” to the Hospigloo for observation.

Oh dear.

Well, after some thinking and prevaricating, Eskimo Eddie thought it was time to take the bull by the horns, or at least the penguin by the…well, penguins don’t really have horns, do they?  Time to stop mixing my metaphors and stop prevaricating, myself.  Eskimo Eddie felt the time had come to sort out the whole “Pirate” and Pirate Radio misunderstanding.  Honesty struck Eskimo Eddie as the best policy to adopt.  My “oh dear” at the beginning was not because of Eskimo Eddie’s approach but because of the outcome…

It wasn’t hard for Eskimo Eddie to track “Pirate” down this morning.  With this new focus in his life, “Pirate” was in Igshops looking for music recordings.  Eskimo Eddie suggested they go to the Coffigloo for a mint tea and a chat.  “Pirate” looked sceptical, not least because no-one ever wants to chat to him, nevertheless take him for a drink.  He agreed, though, and the two penguins waddled off to the Coffigloo, squawking about how it didn’t snow in the Penguin Community yesterday.

Once inside, they settled themselves at a green tablecloth covered round table and ordered their mint teas.  Eskimo Eddie threw in a slice of mint chocolate gateau, in the hope that it might cushion the disappointment for “Pirate” a bit.  They got talking and the subject matter moved around to music and then radio.  Eskimo Eddie gently explained to “Pirate” that the Penguin Community Pirate Radio Station had never been intended to be a radio station or show for “Pirate”.  “Pirate’s” expression fell immediately, giving Eskimo Eddie no time to explain what Pirate Radio really is.  In a hurried attempt to show goodwill, Eskimo Eddie did tell “Pirate” that he might be able to do a stint on the station from time to time.  “Pirate” was not impressed.  He shot up from the table, tugging the tablecloth with him, so that all the food and drink flew up in the air and then landed on the floor in a messy brown squidgy pool of liquid and soggy cake crumbs.  The penguins sitting at other tables looked up in surprise, wingtips cradling cups suspended halfway between their beaks and the table-tops.  “Pirate” announced loudly that if the radio station could not be his he would set light to something.

There was a collective gasp throughout the Coffigloo.

Eskimo Eddie thought “Pirate” was just bluffing and refused to be blackmailed.  So Eskimo Eddie got up, mopped up the mess from the floor, paid his bill and left, head held high.  He had tried, he had done all he could do, he had been honest.  The other penguins looked at one another, nervously.

I’m sorry to say that later in the day a plume of smoke was seen to be rising in the distance, reaching like a dirty, evil grey finger towards the sky.  As soon as we noticed it we tried to work out its whereabouts.  We guessed that it was probably very close to the building site.  Rushing over to that part of the Penguin Community, we found that as yet unused blocks of ice, which had been stacked up ready for the next day’s building work, had already started to melt.  Needless to say, we put the fire out immediately.

Today I went to broach the subject with Eskimo Eddie of “Pirate” being convinced that he is set to have his own radio station and show.  However, I struggled to get a squawk in edgeways.  Eskimo Eddie has been doing all sorts of research which has fuelled his plans for the Penguin Community Pirate Radio Station.  Consequently, he is so enthused about it all that I didn’t have the heart to squawk to him about “Pirate”.

As it turned out, I didn’t need to say anything, though I’d much rather I’d had the opportunity to.  Noel only came and stuck his oar in, didn’t he?  On seeing Eskimo Eddie and me squawking out in the snow, Noel felt compelled to pop over to tell Eskimo Eddie how “great” it is of Eskimo Eddie to be “giving hope to someone who has had as much trouble as ‘Pirate’ has”.  Eskimo Eddie looked at me, baffled.  I didn’t want him to ask what Noel meant and then be embarrassed by the answer, so I quickly told Noel that I thought I’d heard a lone buzz earlier this morning, before he had a chance to say anything else.  With that he hurried off to check on his beehive.  Then Eskimo Eddie turned to me and asked me what on earth Noel was going on about.  I explained that “Pirate” had overheard that Eskimo Eddie is planning to set up a Penguin Pirate Radio Station, but that “Pirate” had assumed it was being set up in his name for him.  Eskimo Eddie swallowed.  He hasn’t got a clue what to do.

Building work on another igloo has been taking place in the Penguin Community in recent weeks.  Between his shifts in the Swigloo, Eskimo Eddie is still very much involved with work on the building site.  Several different penguins take it in turns to help out on site sometimes.  Feeling a bit guilty because I hadn’t contributed lately, I helped out there today.

While we were busily making ice blocks and stacking previously made ice blocks into place, we were disturbed by the sound of squouting.*  We looked up to see a penguin raddling** into view.  It became apparent that it was “Pirate”.  He was boasting extremely loudly that he is going to have his own radio show.

I looked around to see if I could gauge what Eskimo Eddie’s reaction to the outburst was, but he was nowhere to be seen.  I asked around but was told that he had gone off to the Swigloo to meet McCluck to discuss the idea of some musical event or other.   I resolved that I must have a squawk with Eskimo Eddie about this whole radio and “Pirate” issue.

*a sound that is a cross between squawking and shouting

** waddling at running speed

Spot and Bruin keep nudging, winking at and whispering to each other from time to time.  I’m sure I’ve heard the name “Noel” mentioned at intervals during these exchanges.  I have no idea what it’s all about.  All I know is that Spot seems to be feeling very grateful to Bruin, being under the impression, as Spot is, that Bruin somehow sorted Noel out.

To be honest, my mind has been more occupied with wondering how Eskimo Eddie will squawk his way out of the latest development in the Penguin Community.  On the bright side, it’s nice to know that “Pirate”, Podge’s pyromaniac brother, has made a good recovery from his last debacle some weeks back.  It’s good that he was discharged from the Hospigloo in the weeks that followed his last er, well, mishap, and it must be especially comforting for Dr T.A. Blet to see that his hard work, and that of his medical colleagues in the Hospigloo, paid off sufficiently to enable “Pirate” to be up and out and about again.  And their efforts really must have achieved a great deal because I don’t actually remember hearing about “Pirate” being discharged from the Hospigloo.  (What with all that snow in the Penguin Community we don’t have a grapevine.  Only the blizzard lines, and squawking isn’t usually uppermost in a penguin’s mind when he or she is making use of those – unless of course we’re trying to get help!  So we make do with the Coffigloo, Market Square, and now the Swigloo, among other places! )  Nor have I heard about anything melting (well, apart from the Swigloo bar, but as we know that’s another story!) or being set light to.  All brilliant news, I’m sure you’ll agree.  In fact, “Pirate” is feeling as though he’s on quite a high now.  As he’s been waddling around the Penguin Community, taking in the sights that the rest of us take for granted (because we don’t suffer from the terrible affliction that he does), he has overheard talk among the other penguins about Eskimo Eddie’s latest idea.  Unfortunately, he has also got the wrong end of the stick about the pirate radio station that Eskimo Eddie is considering setting up.  “Pirate” thinks it is going to be exclusively for him!

Oh dear.

Apparently, Pirate had escaped from Dr Blet’s observation yesterday, hence the distant explosion.  Fortunately, no real damage seems to have been done.  Pirate only seems to have blown up a snowdrift, and he is back in Dr Blet’s care now.

Meanwhile, Spot was nervous about going to Igschool today but I told him not to worry.  For some reason, which I cannot understand, a certain teacher, who will remain nameless, was teaching Igschool yet again!  It’s just as well that he was, though, otherwise our efforts in the early hours of this morning would have been wasted.  Unbeknown to that teacher we were setting up some recording equipment discreetly in the Igschool (borrowed from some contact of Eskimo Eddie’s from across the Northern Wilderness).  Then later, while Igschool lessons were taking place, we gathered in the Penguin Parliament building and listened to what was going on in Igschool.  At the end of the morning a group of us went to tell the teacher to attend an emergency Penguin Parish Council meeting in the Penguin Parliament building.  We told him that we have been monitoring his teaching style.  He did not believe us, but when we started quoting him he was rather surprised!  We told him we were not impressed with all the extra work he had been putting onto the kiddy-penguins , not least while he allows his own son to miss Igschool.  We told him that computer class is imperative to keep up with the ways of the world.  And we told him that if he cannot teach the k-p‘s sufficiently in Igschool time he should not expect the k-p’s to do his job for him through homework!

Needless to say, this “marvellous” teacher has been relieved of his duties and banned from teaching Igschool for three years.

Now Spot is looking forward to going to Igschool tomorrow.  Sparky will be supervising while Spot gives the computer lesson he would have given on Friday.  The other k-p‘s are looking forward to that.

After that meeting in the Penguin Parliament building, there was a reconvening of the Penguin Parish Council meeting from last evening.  It was discovered, thanks to Eskimo Eddie’s explanation, that a “Spigloo” would be a sports’ centre.  The Penguin Parish Council says it will consider Eskimo Eddie’s proposals.  I like his ideas!

Today I went with Eskimo Eddie across the Northern Wilderness and helped him to take down his Wigwam.  We took it back to the Penguin Community where I helped him to put it back up again.  Then we put his pets and possessions back into it.  When we were all done we went to visit Dr Blet to see how “Pirate” is doing.  Apparently, he got so obsessed with lighting fires that he began sending out smoke signals.  Then he got so obsessed with sending out smoke signals that he began to think he was a Native American Indian.  So he apparently stole discarded feathers from out the back of the Wigloo to make his own headdress.  When that didn’t work he stole Eskimo Eddie’s from his prized collection.  Then stole Eskimo Eddie’s Wigwam, too.

Dr Blet says “Pirate” is currently very disturbed and will need to be observed for a while.

Elsewhere, Noel turned up at Igschool with a frozen shamrock, suggesting to Sparky, who was teaching class, that the kiddy-penguins should be taught about St Patrick’s Day.  Since Sparky was today’s Igschool teacher it’s probably no surprise to you that the kiddy-penguins had a computer lesson today.  However, Sparky actually wing-tipped the class over to Spot who told all the kiddy-penguins about his search engine endeavours.  Apparently, “Spoogle” is coming along well.

Today, Eskimo Eddie and I resolved to go and find the penguin in the feathered headdress and confront him or her.  We thought we would take reinforcements, though.  Hearing about the situation, Cowboy Kenny volunteered to join us, and when PP Polly heard about the stolen Wigwam she came with us, too.

We trekked across the Northern Wilderness and sure enough we began to see the smoke signals again.  Drawing nearer we saw the Wigwam still in place.  We noticed that there were two penguins today and we began to feel a bit nervous.  Suddenly one of them saw us and shouted.  “Raddle!”  They began to waddle at running speed so we began to raddle, too.  We gained on them and saw that the one who had shouted was wearing an orange boilersuit.  Cowboy Kenny swung his rope and lassoed the penguin in the headdress.  Eskimo Eddie cringed.  He felt that was rather unnecessary and violent.  Curiously, the captured penguin was also wearing an eyepatch.  Podge, on seeing that his accomplice had been caught, gave up and came to us.  It turns out his accomplice was Podge’s brother, “Pirate”.  We asked Podge what was going on and he said that “Pirate” had been going through a particularly bad pyromaniac phase which was why Podge had been trying to get fire extinguishers installed in as many places as possible.  We asked Podge why he cried the other day.  He said it was because he had been trying to do something nice but he was still being vilified.

We all made our way back to our hub of the Penguin Community and Pirate has been put under Dr Blet’s care temporarily.

On a more light-hearted note, I am pleased to say that I have now had my own Facebook Page for a year!