I have memories of buying a toy for my kids and having it break because of poor quality or discovering that it had small parts and we had a baby brother in the house. Back in “the day” we didn’t think about lead or pthalates in the toys. There are many things to consider when buying toys these days.

ConnPIRG has just released their annual toy safety report, and they’ve launched a new mobile phone website that allows toy shoppers to look up and report dangerous toys as they shop. Check out their new resources, and help make sure kids’ toys are safe this holiday season. Make your list then check it with CT-toy-report-2009.

This document reminds us of all the hazards we might consider including loudness. Almost 15 percent of children ages 6 to 17 show signs of hearing loss. In March 2007, the American Society for Testing and Materials adopted a voluntary acoustics standard for toys, setting the loudness threshold for most toys at 85 decibels but there are still exceedingly louc (and I might add annoying) toys on the toy store shelves.

In addition, think through and avoid toys that have possible choking hazards, while considering age appropriateness, “almost” small parts, balloons, marbles, pthalates and PVC products. What is left for kids to play with? We’ve eliminated dolls (plastic), legos (plastic), toy cars (lead paint). OKAY- wooden blocks it is. Actually one of my kids favorites!

The inspiration for this post comes from a couple newspaper articles that appeared in the Courier-Journal a few years ago.  Seems somebody found a dead, but genuine octopus at the Falls of the Ohio!  Since our fair area is over a thousand miles away from the ocean and its salty water this was quite a discovery.   How did it get here?  On occassion one hears about other unexpected sea life (I’m thinking of sharks) that have been recorded swimming up rivers.  The octopus, however, is another matter.  In the follow up article to this story the truth of the situation was learned.  A young film enthusiast was making his own monster movie and had procured a dead octopus to use as a prop.  When he was finished with it, he left it to the elements where it was discovered by a passer-by.  Mystery solved.

In honor of that discovery I thought I would present a few of my own finds from the Falls that carry the sea life theme along.  I regularly collect and photograph in situ the objects the Ohio River washes up at the park.  Here are six plastic toys I have come across.  You have already seen my octopus.  The yellow fish in the above image I think represents a marlin?

Over the years I have found two seahorses.  This green one was discovered just recently, while the orange seahorse is from three years ago.  The fact that millions of years ago this place was a thriving marine ecosystem isn’t lost on me.  Potentially, this will happen again perhaps several times before the earth itself becomes history.

I have come across a couple of crustaceans as well!  The plastic lobster is a toy sand mold and appeared brightly against the driftwood.

One of my personal favorites is the realistic red crab I found and photographed around sunset.  It is somewhat by chance that these things would appear here and that I would find them.  Makes me wonder about the other plastic sea life that I know I missed and continued on a journey to the ocean.  After several years of drifting with the currents, these items would find a new home in the ever growing plastic dead spots that are now a fact of today’s oceans. 

Plastic Toys
in support of Laruso
Monday 27 July, The Barfly, Camden, London, England

Plastic Toys – what can I say, I love this band.

It’s a mix of glam-rock, bluesy,  electro but deep and dirty – it rocks you to your core and the style and passion oozing from the stage seeps into your very soul.

On fine form as usual, new drummer Sammy Lee fitting in seemlesly.

Playing as second supports, straight after The Baddies and just before headliners Laruso, unfortunately most of the crowd seemed to be friends and family of those bands and left the floor a bit empty for Plastic Toys.  It was the crowds loss though as anyone who bothered to stay were treated to a sleazy slick performance with the band owning the room and keeping us highly entertained.

Ryan is such a sweetie! After reading the post I wrote about those amazing ice cream cone lights, he gave me a little plastic cone of my own!

I have been carrying this Lewis and Clark Bicentennial light canvas bag to the Falls since the beginning of this project.  Considering the years of use, its held up pretty well.  For me, this is one of the key artifacts from this experience.  Since 2003, I have filled and them emptied this bag several times with my river finds.  This is what’s currently in the bag.  Laid out… I was surprised how much plastic I gravitated towards in this batch.  The Donald Duck image was found last week.  The Rock-em Sock-em Robot head is from this year.  This is one of two seahorses I’ve found and this one is green.  Much of the rest is potential eyeballs, noses, or whatever part needed to embellish the foam and driftwood sculptures.  I’m about to make a major purge to lighten the bag.  I don’t want to carry anymore with me than I need to and besides…I will just keep finding more river treasure.

Here’s a good contrast in before and after pictures for you.  The machine and operator was made just a couple posts ago.  This is what it looks like now.  It exploded back into the parts from which it came…sort of.  The wreckage extended over a wide area.

The Federal Government in Canada has proposed a ban on various types of phthalates (additives in plastic and vinyl) that are commonly found in childrens toys and other products.

Click for the story: http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2009/06/19/phthalate-ban-aglukkaq268.html

While you will be hard-pressed to find much plastic at Citizen Kid, we are proud to point out that any plastic products we carry are free of any harmful phthalates, and almost every plastic product we carry is made from recycled materials.

Here are some examples:

Here is a wonderful Tea Set from Green Toys. It’s made from 100% post consumer recycled plastic.

Here is another product from Green Toys – a Sand Play Set.

Lastly, Eco Trucks from Sprig have been one of our best-sellers. They are made from “sprigwood” which is a combination of recycled plastic and reclaimed wood. They feel like plastic but smell like wood!

I was thinking about the top – the toy that is. I remember sitting on the floor, concentrating on pushing the handle up and down, watching the horses do a run around the obstacle course inside the plastic bubble. The faster the handle went, the faster the horse went, it was fascinating! My toys were simple and few in number. One white plastic poodle that reminded me of rice pudding – hence loved dearly. One scratchy bear stuffed with wood chips. One plastic creature with a blue body and a giant orange head. (I still don’t know what that was). One stuffed bunny with an orange shirt, often making cameo appearances in childhood photos. The shortage of toys during the Soviet years almost seemed like a plot to promote reading, and in some cases imagination and creativity in future engineers, doctors, rocket scientists, and even artists and designers. At six, I was making puppet goats out of paper, and nailing wooden boards together to make a boat. In the spring, I set sail with an empty match box in the mini “river” that ran in the space between the concrete road and the sidewalk. I’d follow it all the way around the neighborhood until it would reach its final destination and disappear in the drain. I didn’t have much, but whatever I had seemed to be enough.

This morning, as I do every morning, I sat at my desk, opened my email and waited to see what tripe flowed into my inbox.

I was expecting the usual of course. A chance to buy some alarming looking apparatus to improve my love life. An invitation to view photos of some ‘designer watches’ or my future mail order bride. Perhaps a heart wrenching story that I had to pass onto 10 of my closest friends within 5 seconds, or risk being struck by a falling meteorite the moment I set foot outside my front door. Even an email from a long lost Nigerian relative, letting me know that I was but only a set of bank details away from inheriting my rightful fortune.

Any of these would have been right about the norm. But this morning threw up something a little bit unexpected.

An email from the most powerful man on the planet – President Barack Obama himself.

Yes, I did do a little bit of a double take I have to say, especially when I realised the email address was legit and he wasn’t trying to sell me little blue pills – with worldwide shipping and a discount programme.

Obviously I know the President didn’t actually sent it from his own Blackberry, as he wondered through the hallowed halls of the White House. And yes, I accept that it wasn’t written specifically to me, but hey, his name is in my inbox and that’s good enough for me.

So why did I deserve the honour? Probably something to do with the email I sent him, asking what he and his administration intended to do about the growing problem of childhood obesity. A problem which, I believe, stems in part from the many fast food companies who market their products directly at the young.

The companies who use cheap plastic toys as a lure, in order to put a colourful box full of salt, sugar and trans fats in the hands of hungry young children. The sort of companies who are, for all intents and purposes, aiding and abetting those parents who slowly murder their kids everyday with an unhealthy diet.

Hopefully such an intelligent and forward thinking man, with 2 young daughters of his own, will acknowledge the issue and give it the attention that it deserves.

And now that The President is in my address book, I will certainly be keeping an eye on any new health care reforms he passes, and hope that at some point he finds a way to put some form of media gagging order on those who profit off the greed and ignorance of the young.

I’ll give him 6 months, and if I don’t see anything happening, I guess I’ll be forced to drop him another line..

For those who might be thinking that I imagined my email, here it is.

cccc

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: : : : : : : : : : :

I will be honest with myself and you and admit that I have control issues. I like to have control over my life and my environment and, whenever possible, my future. Of course you can understand how mothering has challenged this.  Parenting is a daily reminder as to how elusive “control” really is. And, truthfully, the battles I’ve fought on the control front have made me appreciate the beautiful chaos of parenting.

Pregnancy truly awakened my creative side. The experience of pregnancy is, naturally, a creative one. But the prospect of all the creation yet to come was also exciting. Not only was I creating this tiny being inside of me, but before me laid numerous other creative tasks: creating my identity as a mother, creating a mothering philosophy and principles to guide my decision-making and instill certain values in my son, and creating a healthy and safe environment for our family. The last piece of this creative puzzle—creating a healthy and safe environment—has been especially vexing.

My husband and I wanted to be conscientious about our choices in baby products. First of all, we didn’t want to raise a child with a million, disposable toys. We didn’t want to support the industry of cheaply-made plastic toys meant to last only a few months before being deposited into the trash can. And we did not want to sacrifice the entire (limited) living space of our home to complicated baby play systems, either.

At the same time, we were deeply concerned about our son’s wellbeing and wanted to avoid his exposure to BPA, phthalates, lead, and the countless other toxins frequently present in baby toys. We communicated this, as best possible, to our friends and family who so generously showered us with gifts upon our son’s birth. We limited our own purchases to a few, high-quality wooden or cloth toys that we felt confident in giving to our son.  This was a proactive step to protect our son’s health, but also a convenience to us. After all, who has time to track he constant onslaught of recalled baby products or reliably decipher the complicated acronyms and codes indicating which European council approved what product?

The first months of my son’s life passed, and I felt an admittedly smug sense of accomplishment in limiting Wes’s contact with the fearful toxins. But…time marched on. I let down my guard. And as the first year passed, I found the small toy basket (meant to limit the actual number of toys we could accommodate) brimming over with (*gasp*) plastic. That’s right. Phthalate-filled, BPA-packed plastic. My response to this development would oscillate from nearly-complete complacency to extreme distress.

In times of panic, I would ask myself, “How has this happened?”  The idyllic, safe and sound environment I had intended to create for my son was now littered with the very things I had planned to avoid.  Then, one evening when Wes was about 13 months old, I heard a sobering news story on NPR about the most recent research related to phthalates, its recent replacement, DINCH, and their health effects. Fear seized me. My mind conjured up the image of my son’s toy basket. I was overcome with a need to eradicate that seven-letter “p-word” from my would-be ideal environment.

I grabbed a paper bag from the kitchen and slowly approached the toy basket. I began picking through the toys and moved all of the plastic or otherwise suspicious toys into the paper sack. Then I eyed a sneaky plastic teether across the room. I knelt down to pick it up and felt little eyes watching me. I looked up and met my toddler’s eyes. It was a showdown. He grunted and held out his hand, gesturing for me to give the toy to him. My first attempt was a pithy explanation that mommy was putting these toys away for awhile. He grunted again. I tried another approach: distraction.  “Wes, where is your train? Can you find your train?” He didn’t move. He stared, motionless.  This time he let out an impatient squawk.

I could feel it inside of me. The philosophical simmer turned to a boil. It’s just a toy. And truth-be-told, I’m sure he’s exposed to innumerable toxins I’m not even aware of. Was this some form of cruel and unusual punishment I was imposing on him?  But, then again, this was my son’s health: I shouldn’t compromise, should I? And really it’s the principle of the thing. We have to change the things we have control over, and this is something I can control. But wait—what am I saying? Have I have become a total toy snob, trying to live out a certain class status that, as a graduate student, I couldn’t really afford?

As I stood, immobilized, in this philosophical stupor, Wes had retrieved a different toy from the bag o’ sketchy toys and sucked on it gleefully as he dragged the entire bag through the house.  Wes: 1.  Mommy:0.

As it turns out, there is no perfect home environment.  No perfect health.  Certainly no perfect control. Parenting and communicating love is not a matter of attaining perfection.  And maybe it shouldn’t even be a matter of striving for perfection. Instead, I’ve found healthy and loving parenting is always a set of compromises balancing the ideal and the real.

Laura Kalmes

Laura is a graduate student in Educational Policy Studies at the University of Wisconsin. Her studies have focused primarily on the relationship between child health and education. Since her son’s birth (12/07), Laura has become a passionate advocate for mothers and families. Writing about these topics has given her the chance to advocate for herself, as well as open dialogue with other families.

Special Interests… cooking/baking, gardening, writing, and singing. Oh, and mastering every vehicle sound for her son’s amusement!

Family… Mother to her favorite little guy, Wes, and wife to her favorite big guy, Paul.

memories of the humble plastic cereal toy…                         By Cheryl Ridge

I was sorting through some old junk including a bag of plastic farm toys from my childhood. From amongst the clump of “cheapie” but well loved and fondly remembered animals, out fell a colourful little critter with a hollow tummy. With bright colouring he was different to the others and then I remembered.

I put the other animals back in the bag and carefully carried the little critter inside like he was a prized antique. As I thought long and hard the memories came flooding back – unopened boxes of breakfast cereal. Parents that would not allow the box to be opened until the other one had finished. Childhood memories! Hand diving down into the cornflakes, eagerly, greedily and blindly searching for a crisp little cellophane packet. Once in a while a box would come along that contained a treat.

It would seem to take forever to get through a box of cereal, which was unfortunate for me, because these common grocery items contained a much sort after little treasure – a cereal toy!

During the 1950s to 1970s kids normally received toys only at birthdays or Christmas time. So to be able to obtain a new toy, for free, from a cereal packet was something pretty special. Plastic toys have been a popular cereal box insert since the 1950s and even these days collectors are reliving their childhood by collecting the cereal toy premiums they remember best from their past. For me it was the cereal toy dogs during the 1970s. Following is a listing of dog series that were released in Australia:

Favourite Dogs - 1960 Kellogg
Found in Sugar Frosties in Australia, and later also Rice Krispies in the United Kingdom. Nine different dogs: *Dachshund, *Pembroke*Corgi, *Miniature Poodle, *Wire-haired Terrier, *Cocker Spaniel, *Scottish Terrier, Labrador, Greyhound and Boxer. Size range: 3cm to 4.5cm. Notes: the UK set consisted of six dogs indicated with asterix. Toys were issued in a cellophane packet.

Favourite Dogs (cereal toy dogs) Kellogg 1960

Day in a Dog’s Life - 1969 Kellogg
Found in Coco Pops, Sugar Frosties, Honey Smacks, and Froot Loops. Nine different dogs: Labrador, Wire Hair Terrier, Greyhound, Bulldog, Corgi, French Poodle, Australian Terrier, Collie and Dachshund. Size range: 3cm to 4.5cm. Notes: solid moulded set in various colours including – white, black, red, orange, yellow, blue and brown. This series is recognisable by each figure having two small circular imprints (mould marks) on their bodies – one on neck and one near back leg. The cereal boxes to this series had back panel cutouts to make a 3-D scene for each dog.

day in a dogs life (cereal toy dogs) Kellogg 1969

The Brave Breeds - 1971 Sanitarium
Found in Puffed Wheat, Weeta Puffs, Honey Weets, and Ricies. Twelve different dogs: Spaniel, Boxer, Greyhound, Kelpie, Bulldog, Collie, Scottish Terrier, German Shepherd, Australian Terrier, Dachshund, Basset, Beagle. Size range: 2cm to 4cm. Notes: these dogs were released in more “earthy” colours of tan, grey/green, dark brown and black. The Scottish Terrier is almost identical to the one in the other series only it is half a cm shorter. The dogs in this series all seem to have a small swirl or bump (from moulding) on their backs which can differentiate them from other dog series.

The Brave Breeds (cereal toy dogs) Sanitarium 1971

Brave Breeds (Hollow) - 1975 Sanitarium
Found in Weeta Puffs, Puffed Wheat, Skippy Cornflakes, Popped Rice, Caramel Ricies, Mini Weet-bix, and Honey Weets. Ten different dogs: Dalmatian, Irish Setter, Great Dane, St Bernard, French Poodle, Samoyed, Wire Haired Fox Terrier, Afghan, Cocker Spaniel and Border Collie. Size range: 2.5cm to 4cm. At least 18 different colours exist: cream, flesh, light pink, medium pink, bright pink, red (2 shades), orange, yellow (2 shades), light green, dark green, light blue, dark blue, light purple, dark purple, gold, silver, brown. These are the standard colours not including “in between” or “odd ball” specimens. Notes: these toys are hollow underneath as opposed to the solid toys from the earlier series. Diehard collectors, not satisfied with a “basic” set of ten dogs will collect any and all colours. Therefore, ten different breeds in say, 15 different colours make for a set of at least 150 different specimens!

Brave Breeds (cereal toy dogs) Sanitarium 1975

For those who would like to try hunting for their cereal dogs, try looking at markets, collectors fairs, garage sales or thrift shops. Or ask relatives who might remember them from their past. Best of luck.

I have placed my own “want lists” online, at the following link:

http://www.pbase.com/chezzyr/items_wanted

Embarassed by your past?

That does not mean that it’s not

Of interest to us

Plastic Toys NOT Karmic Jera

So, yeah, been a bit slack with the updates. My raft of posts about bands that have split up has hit a real mine of inspiration in me – there’s a whole load of great bands I’ve got lined up to mouth off about.

First up is Southampton’s Karmic Jera, who are not in the above photograph. That’s Plastic Toys, the band that formed from the bloody scraps left after Karmic Jera split. The guys in Plastic Toys seem rather embarassed with their former incarnation, with frontman, “Jon Plastic”, saying “we were a White Zombie-esque band, so they made us do photoshoots in graveyards like we were Cradle Of Filth or something. We recorded an album we hated, all the kids preferred our self-produced demo and we lost our hardcore fanbase.” Oh.

The album they all hated was Zombies, Blood and Go-Go Girls, which the band recorded as part of a prize that KArmic Jera won by through a Battle Of The Bands feature run by Kerrang! and Dreamcatcher Records. Overall, the record falls somewhere between Rob Zombie and Powerman 5000 (the band fronted by…err….Rob Zombie’s younger brother, Spider 1), and while it has some horrendously cringeworthy moments (the opening track, ‘Do U Wanna Cyber?’, has one of the worst titles of any song ever), I don’t think it’s half as bad as the band make out.

The band are doing a bit of touring before the end of the year, and while they’ve ditched almost all of the White Zombie-isms that caught my attention in the first place, they’re still probably worth checking out live if you fancy a break from pure metal with a night of electro-rock. Their website has the tour dates if you’re interested.

So yeah, your download link – right-click (ctrl-click if you’re a Mac person):

‘Deathrace’ by Karmic Jera

For a writer, nailing dialog can be an uphill battle.  When you’re writing fiction, in particular; responsible for the entire creation of your characters…down to their habits and quirks and, yes, the way they speak…constructing believable and consistent dialog can be really tough.

I’m not exactly talking about punctuation and grammar…let’s assume a writer has those things down pat.  What I’m referring to is finding a way to create conversation between characters that flows like real life conversation–including the pauses, dialectical nuances and sometimes even using slang that convinces your reader(s) that: 1) you know what you’re doing as a writer, and 2) your characters are believable enough that your reader doesn’t have that nasty little voice in her head saying, “no one would ever say something like that.  That’s ridiculous!”

Most importantly, dialog–if done poorly–can kill a book in a matter of minutes.  Who wants to read a story that’s full of 1950s dialog style:

“Hello, Mary,” said Jane.

“Hello, Jane,” said Mary.

“That’s a darling blouse you have on,” said Jane.

“Why, thank you, Jane.  It’s so lovely of you to notice,” said Mary.

I write about all of this because yes, once again, I have been inspired by one of my children!  (And also, having just completed the first draft of a new novel–a book written in the first person, and narrated by a seventeen-year-old boy–I am entrenched in trying to get dialog “just right.”)

The other morning Ellie, now 5 1/2, was preparing for a play date with her best friend, Claire.  The play date–a princess tea party, of course–was set for 2:30 in the afternoon.  Ellie was getting herself all ready for the big event at 8:30 in the morning.

Having selected the “perfect” princess dress to wear, set the little kids’ table with plastic plates, paper cups, and an array of plastic food from her little kitchen set (don’t get me started on the whole plastic thing.  Believe me–every time I get rid of a bunch of plastic toys, another batch comes our way via well-meaning friends and family for birthdays, holidays, etc.) she discovered an old telephone receiver that has since become a play phone–and got Claire on the line.

by Francisca Cahyaningsih

An active toddler dislikes staying in a place for along time. He likes playing toys, moving around, and doing some other indoor activities. So let’s play!

A. Most of toddlers love balloons as an alternative for toys. I have a nice experience with my toddler catching the balloons for more than an hour. Your toddler might be so excited while you blow up some balloons. He will ask for one again and again so that he can tap it up in the air, catch it, the tap it up again, and so forth and so on. Caution: beware of choking hazard of small pieces of latex.

B. Does your toddler love water? You can put some plastic toys in a big spot with water then let your toddler play inside. You can also use this time to inform about the way the water flows and the water feels; to know some floating or sinking objects; to see what happens when you gently splash the water. Well, it is a great fun! Anyway, you need to keep an eye on him in a “splash safe” area.

C. Some toddlers still like crawling. You can let your toddler crawl under a table to take something you put there, eg. His favourite toys. My toddler loves to feed fish but sometimes the food sheltered on the floor and under the table. He loves to crawl under the table to grab the food. Once again, never leave your toddler unattended.

D. Has your toddler ever had a simple matching game? You can introduce colours, shapes, names of various objects, etc. For example, you can show and match your toddler’s shirt in a photo with the real one. Furthermore, you can say what colour it is, what picture/shape it is (if there is any). Another example is if you have a family photo, ask your toddler point which one is you, he himself, his daddy, etc. Additionally, you can also ask him what you or he wears, what toys he holds in his hand or what colour his toys is.

E. A toddler might have a challenging game to play. In order to do so, you can make a fun obstacle course by letting him walk around a cloth pile, walk around a dining table, crawl under a table, jump over a pillow, go inside a tunnel you made, etc. You can make any creative situation depends on any available things in your house. To make it more exciting, you can put start and finish sign.

Have you read Part 1 of this article? Do you need an info of 10 most wanted toddler toys 2009?

Click here to view toddler toys for indoor activities

About the author:
Francisca Cahyaningsih is a mother of one toddler and owner of a weblog http://www.toddler-gift.blogspot.com which covers various topics such as toddler toys, games, tips and gift ideas for babies and toddlers.

Analyzing the media’s coverage of the risk from phthalates, a family of oil-like chemicals that make plastics flexible, for STATS has, arguably, been one of the most challenging and frustrating assignments for my colleague Dr. Rebecca Goldin (a scientist) and myself (a journalist).

With environmental activist groups and politicians such as Fiona Ma in San Francisco taking their policy guidance on the issue from a handful of scientists, who see no reason not to issue the direst of warnings, and with the media reporting the urgency of that risk, particularly with regard to what might happen to children sucking on vinyl toys, our attempt to argue for a broader perspective – one that should dispassionately consider the full body of research and places the risk in context – has fallen, largely, on deaf ears.

It has also put us in the worrisome position of seeming as if we were and are arguing, scientifically, for the perspective that there really isn’t much of a risk at all, instead of just arguing for all the evidence to be brought to the public’s attention.

This problem has been aggravated by the sheer clumsiness of so much media reporting and editorializing – notably the repeated citation of the ban in Europe on some phthalates as a clear scientific reason to ban them in the U.S., when, in fact, the ban in Europe short-circuited the EU’s own scientific risk assessment and ended up being a political decision. (See? We can’t let go!)

So we were both taken aback by the vehemence of someone who can speak with considerable scientific authority delivering a message from the other side of the debate William S. Knowles, one of the recipients of the 2001 Nobel Prize in Chemistry, denounced the campaign against phthalates in an op-ed for the Pittsburg Tribune Review on Sunday May 11 – The phthalates scare: We are not at risk – as one pitting politicians, urged on by environmentalists, against the scientific community.

Lawmakers — representing the concern of parents influenced by certain environmentalists — are calling for an outright ban of phthalates from children’s toys because of the misguided belief that by exposing children to toys made with these chemicals we are putting their health at risk.

Phthalates have a long history of attacks by environmental groups dating back more than 30 years. Even then babies were of prime consideration. Few chemicals have undergone such extensive testing and survived as being safe.”

So far, there has been no response from the ‘ban-phthalates’ side to this broadside. When it comes, no doubt the line of attack will be that Professor Knowles is retired and old, and hasn’t kept up with the research, and was an employee of Monsanto, and is thereby disposed towards an industrial perspective on plastics. Still, the fact remains that Knowles contribution to chemistry – catalytic asymmetric synthesis – is not merely technically dazzling, but of immense practical consequence. Indeed, his work is of foundational value for green chemistry. And surely that should give us all pause for some scientific reflection on this all too-easily politicized issue?

I have decided that we need to revamp the following Christmas carol:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

It should say something like this:

It’s the most germiest time of the year.

December has been one long sick month. And it’s only mid-month. There has been, and still is, inordinate amounts of snot, used tissues, and coughing spit in all parts of this house. Popping pills and slurping syrup has become the new trend. Every family member wants to try it out.

Too bad all this drug taking isn’t making the tiny people tired.

We could also rename the song to this:

 It’s the most exasperating time of the year.

Everytime I walk past a toy section in a store and examine the crap, the absolute junk that we call toys these days, I feel, among other things, pure exasperation. I feel disgusted, depressed and confused.

I also feel this way when I notice the extraordinary amounts of landfill-ripe rigid plastic the crap is wrapped in.

Note to self: you  will require a well-stocked toolbox belonging to a full-time professional handyman on Christmas Day when opening and assembling toys.

Second note to self: call Bob (our basement renovater extraordinaire). He’s got a truck full of tools we’ll need to borrow.

Another way to sing the song could be like this:

It’s the most fattening time of the year.

I decided that I will let my frustrations, what with the germs and crappy toys and alll, out on butter. Like Mir. She bakes when she seethes. And she uses butter. I’m seething right now because the baby is sick and refuses to nap. The preschooler is sick and refuses to DO SOMETHING QUIET, like WATCH TV like NORMAL preschoolers for example, so the baby can GO TO SLEEP ALREADY. But no. He needs to play in bare feet with the Swiss cow bell, the kitchen broom, and the Doctor’s Kit. (I don’t ask.)

So I will go and take out my ingredients to make Nanaimo Bars.

Don’t blame me when there isn’t any left for you. Or if there isn’t any left by Christmas.

And send money. I will need larger pants in January.