He just woke up from his nap and is currently playing with the iPad.  That will keep him occupied for about five minutes, until he figures out I’m on the computer and comes to “help”.  I guess once I get busted doing this, I’ll have to switch to something else, like laundry.  I need clothes!  I just had the sad realization this morning that most of my clothes are 4 or 5 years old.  This spring, I want to make an effort to hit the thirft store more often.  Being poor is only a minor excuse, I can find new clothes for cheap if I look in the right places.  I also need to buy more pants for Syd.  He tends to go around in his pajamas a lot, but now that we’re putting him back in daycare, I need to have him at least sort of presentable.  Though I suspect he’ll be in his jammies a lot there too, anyways.  If they don’t like it, tough!

I’m a little sad we can’t afford the super hippie daycare that wouldn’t care about things like Syd being there in his pajamas.  But, the daycare we’re taking him to has its advantages, like being only $620 a month for full time daycare.  It’s also just blocks from my work and only about a mile and a half from my house.

Paul doesn’t like his new job very much.  It’s with a very over bloated government agency and he feels his team is being set up to fail, because the intense bureaucracy prevents them from making the significant changes that need to be made.  He’s got another line on a contract with the State, where he was before.  The plus is that it would pay better and be a lot closer to home, the minus is that it’s another contract, though it does have a likely extension.  He’s going ahead and pursuing that lead, because he feels he’d be a lot happier there.  I support him in whatever he decides to do, as long as he stays employed.  I wouldn’t mind him being with the State again, mostly because he was happy there before, the commute is easy for him, and it pays really well.  But it’s not in the bag yet, so we’re trying not to get ahead of ourselves too much.  The important thing is that he’s employed and it looks like he will remain employed for the foreseeable future.  If he can just hold down a job for a year, that would allow us to get out of debt and get a nest egg saved up.  I’m not asking for much, here!!

Staying home with Syd has been interesting.  There are days where I want to drink a bottle of wine and tear out my hair from the boredom and isolation that comes with motherhood.  Not to mention the constant chasing him around and telling him no.  But, there are other days where I am really enjoying myself.  Usually those days involve getting to see other people, having play dates, and lots of playing outside.  Yesterday we did our first “cooking project”, where I got a bowl of flour out for him and a spoon, and let him go for it.  He really enjoyed playing with it.  I then got a cup of ice for him to suck on, because he loves ice, and he kept putting the ice into the bowl, which ended up making glue and making him a super mess.  So we had a nice bath in the big jacuzzi tub afterwards and he had a ton of fun splashing and playing in the water.

We also had a play date that morning with his friend Strong Bad (the kid, in real life, is actually named after a Homestar Runner character, though it isn’t Strong Bad, it’s still ridiculous), who is about six months older than Syd.  He was talking up a storm, complete sentences and everything!  Syd still isn’t saying anything at all.  I’m starting to get worried, he should have at least a few words by now, and right now all he has is “bye” and “more”.  But he did have a couple things on Strong Bad, like he’ll share his toys.  He’s bad about coming up and taking toys from others, but he’ll bring you toys to play with, too, and he doesn’t mind letting you take toys from him.  Not bad for 18 months.   He was also a lot bigger than Strong Bad, even though he’s so much younger.  Not like that means anything, really, but I am always proud of my tall boy.

I’m hopeful that daycare can help him with his speech.  He likes to mimic other kids, and when Strong Bad pointed out his dad in a picture, saying “daddy!”, Syd said “daddy?” so that was a big surprise for me.  It was so crazy watching Strong Bad talk; I hadn’t seen him in a few months and he wasn’t saying much then (though he was still talking more than Syd is at this point), but now all he does is talk!  And he’s not even two!  But, I have friends with kids who didn’t say much of anything until two, so it’s probably still normal.  Their kids were at least signing though, which Syd does a little bit of, but only for “more”.

I’m sure I’m needlessly worrying, but I can’t help it.

I haven’t been up to too much other than living in Baby Land for the last couple weeks.  I’m lucky to have a lot of friends who are around during the day, so I’ve had good company.  Today we’re just chilling at home, though I think my dad is going to be coming by.  He’s doing well, he finally finished with his court stuff today, after a bad run-in with his room mate last year.  So he’s happy.  Hopefully he can continue to keep his shit together without the court being on his back about it.

Things between Paul and I have been okay.  Not really going backwards or forwards, just kind of existing where they are.  That’s okay, I suppose, it’s still better than it was a few months ago.  But I find myself wondering if I’ll ever be really happy with him, or if I’m just going to exist with him.  Something will have to give, sooner or later.  I’m not actively going “grrr I want a divorce!”, but this isn’t exactly my idea of a happy marriage, either.  I need something more than this.  I’m also finding myself thinking to the past, when he used to be so incredibly abusive towards me, and wondering why the hell I put up with it, or if I’ll ever really forgive him for it.  Not to mention, wondering when it’s going to happen again.  Or what I’m going to do when it does.

I’m looking forward to getting back to work next week, though I’m certainly going to miss spending all this time with Syd.  I wish I worked part time, so I could be with him more, but still get my time to be around adults.  Oh well.  I’ll be thankful to have that boring full time job when I’m back in school and need a quiet place to do my work.  I hope that goes well…

Anyway, Syd is showing increasingly less patience with me being on the computer, so I’m going to go dance like a monkey for him or something.

#thebreakfastclub

With Love Always,
Bella Grace

Today Anjali and I had planned a playdate with one of her friends from school, since they were both off for Easter Monday.  The playdate was unexpectedly cut short though, because her friend was having an off day…it happens.  But we found ourselves completely free, with a whole afternoon in front of us, no plans, and nothing pressing to do.  I wanted to take advantage of being out of the house, but it wasn’t nice enough outside to take a walk or go to the park (c’mon spring… get here!).

We decided to head to Chapters, the bookstore with the huge play/reading area for kids.  We got a drink and then went to the play area.  Anj likes to play with the train set they have there.  A little boy was playing there when we got there and his Mom wanted to leave.  He didn’t want to.  She politely asked him to go, and it ended as it always does in a dragging, kicking and screaming match with the promise of treats if he would release his death grip on the magnetic train car.   At that moment I thought: kids annoy me.  That was a really wrong thing for me to think. I love my daughter and I love kids in general, and there’s lots of kids that don’t annoy me besides my daughter.  It’s not a kid’s fault if their parents consistently reward them for bad behviour, or allow themselves to be controlled by a 3 year old (hint: if you’re in the double digits you should be smarter than a toddler).   But now I’m being mean and off-point.

Anyway, I was thinking to myself why does it seem so rare for parents to put their foot down and teach their kids to be respectful (I know all kids have tantrums and bad days and don’t want to leave stores, and there are some with behaviour issues relating to other disorders, but this was a separate thought).  I was thinking isn’t it one of the most important skills we can teach our kids, to be kind and respectful to other kids and people around them? And doesn’t that start with how they treat their parents or their own family?  Screaming, yelling, kicking, hitting, slapping because you don’t get what you want is just not going to fly at school or anywhere else, so wouldn’t it be easier on everyone to teach that right from the start?

Anyway, as I was thinking this, another little boy had come to play at the train table and his Mom sat down beside me.  I was zoned out in my own thoughts, but slowly started to realize that she was closely monitoring him to make sure he shared the trains and the space nicely with my daughter.  He was a gorgeous little boy, he played very peacefully with the trains, and he seemed content with what was offered to him, and didn’t demand any more.  I felt guilty then for thinking that other kids annoy me and that all parents suck.  I struck up a conversation with his Mom, and we realized very quickly that we had a lot in common.  It was one of those very strange conversations where you bond really quickly and end up revealing a whole bunch of stuff about your life that even people you’ve known for longer don’t know.  It feels natural because the other person has gone through similar experiences and you’re both realizing this as you each reveal things bit by bit.  We talked for quite a bit, and after our long chat, we read some books to our kids.  Other parents and families drifted in and out, and I realized it was later than I thought.  I also realized that I wanted to ask for her number, but didn’t know if that would be weird.

I don’t have a lot of friends in my town who are parents.  I know that seems strange, but I’m fairly new to this town and when I arrived I was a single Mom and didn’t know anybody.  Anjali and I went to Mommy and baby classes, but I often found it hard to relate to or bond with the people I met there.  They wanted to talk about babies and kids, and I love talking about my daughter, but I have other interests too and I felt I wanted to relate to people on other levels than just “hey, we both have kids” or “hey, where did you get that stroller”.   So, many of the friends I ended up making don’t have kids.   That becomes difficult sometimes too though, because I want my daughter to have exposure to other kids and playdates we can both enjoy (my daughter tends to hang out a lot with adults – even with family stuff she is usually the only kid).  Since she started school though, I have been fortunate enough to meet some of the parents of the friends she’s made there and she’s had a couple of playdates with one classmate.

When it came time for us to leave the bookstore, I said bye to the other Mom and she gave me a hug.   That didn’t seem weird, but for some reason I still felt weird asking for her number, so I didn’t.  I regret it now.  It could have been another friend for me and one for Anjali too.

How do you ask someone you just met and want to be friends with for their number?

Photo courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net (this could have been me on the phone with my new friend…if I wasn’t so uncool )

She was telling me about how her daughter went on a play date and the mother teaches english as a second language. From ,my understanding she is also quite proud of her heritage…which makes me wonder why she hasn’t killed my sister yet.

Anyway, being a teacher myself, i became interested and asked “Oh, so is (insert boys name)’s mother Latina?”

Her response.

“uhh…She’s brown, and “insert boys name” in less brown.”

*shakes head*

COME ON “INSERTS SISTERS NAME!!!!!!!”

Toilet paper.

Just hand the kids each a roll (or two) and let them go to town.

They’ll unroll it.

They’ll throw it.

They’ll toilet paper themselves.

And each other.

And the floor.

In the end, clean up never takes more than 5 minutes.
(Shockingly, the kids are usually in such a good mood after this activity that they are HAPPY to help clean it up!)

It might sound crazy but I swear to you, it has worked for me every time.
I’ve pulled the toilet paper out for numerous reasons and its never failed me. When the kids were playing on opposite sides of the room and had no interest in interacting, toilet paper got them to play together. When the kids woke up on the wrong side of the bed and were all cranky and about to tantrum, toilet paper got them to smile and laugh. When the kids were angry at each other over not sharing toys or taking the good spot on the couch, the toilet paper got them to forget their grudges.

Toilet paper. Pack a few rolls next time you’ve got plans with friends.

Easter is getting closer! I hope you all know why we celebrate Easter!? If not I will remind you this weekend. Today the kids and I went for a playdate at Irvine Regional Park and we did something that really doesn’t have anything to do with Easter but it’s still fun and the kids love it – egg hunt. I met up with Anna, Sunshine and their kids and had a wonderful day in the park (even if the kids and I were eating too much candy).

What did you do when you were a child?  I’ll tell you what I did before I went to school at the age of four.  Nothing.  That’s right, nothing.  My grandparents were my babysitters, and they had a fenced-in yard.  I played outside, mostly by myself, and sometimes with the neighbor girl who was three years older than me.  She liked to play “school”, which might have been fun, except she went to a catholic school…in the ’70s…need I say more?  So on the days that I would play with her, we played “school”, she was the teacher, and I would have to call her “Sister something-or-other.”  Class consisted of me sitting and listening to her while she sang, and periodically being hit with a wooden spoon.

Fuck that noise!  What the hell!?!  There must not have been any parents around, because I sure don’t remember any!

So, with all of my experience playing by myself, or with my grandma, or playing “school” with the neighbor girl, I went off to real school.  Guess what?  I know your mind is about to be blown right now, I WAS FINE.  I was a little shy at first, but it wasn’t traumatic, and my social skills weren’t lacking at all.  So how in the hell did I learn those social skills without Gymboree, and soccer, and dance class, and what-the-hell-ever else is out there?  I’ll tell you how.  I was a human being existing in a society.

I realize that I’m talking about only one child here, and that child is myself.  I also realize that anecdotes aren’t evidence, but just humor me for a minute…

Do you take your child with you to places like the grocery store?  Do your children attend family gatherings from time to time?  Do they ever go anywhere at all?  If so, your child is learning social skills.  Hopefully you are using positive guidance to help them along, but every interaction with any other human being whatsoever is socializing.  When your child sees you interact with other people, they learn social skills.  When your toddler rides the bus with you, because you live in a large city where mass transit is necessary, you’re teaching your child how to behave on the bus.  To children, everything is a learning experience.

For those of you who are put out by a child on a bus, or a plane, or anywhere else, go fuck yourself.  You need to realize that if a child is within earshot, or visible, they are learning social skills based on either your piss-poor attitude, OR your kindness and respect of other humans.  Pop quiz!  Which one do you think turns out better members of society?

The point is that every interaction with other humans shows children how they should interact.  So to the public, I implore you, be on your best behavior when children are around.  Say, “excuse me”, “please”, and “thank you.”

Let’s come back to all of the fun classes, early preschool, and playdates for which we schedule infants, toddlers, twos, threes, fours…  Totally unnecessary.  Yep.  Unnecessary.  Don’t get me wrong, those things are fun if you have the means, just not necessary for your child’s development of social skills.  And in moderation please!  No one needs to be scheduled every day of the week.  There is a lot for your two year-old to learn just by sitting and cutting up pieces of paper all by themselves.  Digging in the mud is hours of entertainment.  Let them be kids!

Now let’s say you agree with me, and opt out of all of the mommy-and-me crap.  How can you help bolster your child’s social skills?  Let them order for themselves at restaurants.  Let them hand the money or credit card to the cashier at the store.  Encourage them to ask another child to play at the park.  Let them speak for themselves when someone asks them a question.  Tell them what is appropriate and/or expected of them in different environments, like church, the library, or a Metallica concert.

There is absolutely no reason that a typically developing child needs you to sign them up for classes, and arrange playdates, all the time, everyday.  There is no prescribed amount of time they should spend participating in god-knows-what.  And there’s absolutely nothing that says children who play with older children have an advantage in school, or that playing with younger children delays development (just to reiterate for that mom in case she reads this, it’s fucking stupid).

Do your best to model appropriate behavior, and let your kids be kids.

One last thing, if you notice that your child is becoming mean and obnoxious, or exhibiting any other behaviors that you consider unsavory, before you read them the Riot Act, take a good, long look in the mirror.  Chances are, they learned it from you.  Yeah, you.

Janet is a mother of two amazing children, ages 3 and 5. After feeling frustrated with all the judgment that is passed around amongst moms, she decided to start Tell Another Mom. The website’s goal is to encourage moms to support one another, by being honest and telling one another about their struggles. Janet’s blog posts range from honest confessions to common conflicts amongst mothers. Stop by for a visit, and don’t forget to tell another mom that she’s a good mom.

My five year old son recently started Kindergarten and has been slowly growing out of his anxiety about… well, most things. When he came home talking about his ‘new’ best friend… I was thrilled. I wrote a note for his friend’s mom, and sent it to school with him. Days went by, weeks went by… and then finally, after about a month, I got an email to try to arrange a play date. I’m thrilled.

Should I have them over to our house or do we meet somewhere? I begin to worry about many things that might affect the outcome of this play date. This is my son’s very first best friend, and I will go to the ends of the earth to make sure that it goes perfectly. I realize after a few emails back and forth, that I’m not worried about two boys having fun…. I’m stressed about meeting this other mom.

My son has a birthday party that requires my husband to pick him up from on a Sunday that I’m working. I get home and I immediately drill him with questions about the party and more importantly who was there. He kind of laughs and tells me that he knows exactly which mom will be meeting me next week for our play date. Hmm… this can’t be a good sign. He informs me that, ‘She’s a Yummy Mommy.’ I know he’s just joking, but what does that mean exactly?

It means that she’s got legs that are twice the length of mine. It means that her hair is perfectly straightened without a single piece of hair out of place. It means that she is immaculately put together on a Sunday afternoon with knee high boots, designer sunglasses and a great jean jacket to boot. Now I’m stressed. We’re so different…we’re not going to get along. This play date is going to go terribly. It will be three hours of awkwardness and mommy competing.

Before you know it, I am getting us ready for our play date. I look in my closet. Hmm… no designer labels, not even a jean jacket. Crap. I decide to just be myself. Okay, maybe I won’t wear my bright pink crocs in the middle of winter, but I am definitely wearing my comfy jeans and zip up fleece. After all, we are meeting at an indoor play gym.

We arrive almost on time and I look around. I don’t see my son’s friend. And then the door opens… and I know right away that this is the mom that I have been stressing about all week. She’s immaculately put together. We say our hellos and the kids take off running. I remind myself that honesty is perhaps one of my best qualities, and I start the conversation by talking about my son’s anxiety. I share how ecstatic I am that my son has made such a great friend. She opens up about her son’s potty training struggles. I tell her about my son breaking his collarbone. She talks about struggling with working full time. Now the ball is rolling. Where are our kids? I totally forget that this is their play date.

So, I guess what I want to get across is that I was blinded by the judgment that we’ve all had at one time or another from another mom. I was so worried that this other mom would judge me, that I didn’t even realize that I myself was guilty of judging her based on appearances. The fact of the matter is that despite so many differences, me and this other mommy had one obvious thing in common… motherhood. As soon as I put my guard down and revealed the honest truth… that being a mom has it’s challenges… she did the same. So, next time you have a new play date with another mom, instead of looking in your closet for that you’re not… simply tell another mom the truth. Tell another mom that you have bad days. Tell another mom that you make mistakes. Tell another mom that you don’t love every minute of motherhood. And lastly, tell another mom that she’s doing a great job. You’d be surprised with what you might get in return.

LEAPFROG

What You Will Need:

• 2 or more Players (the more players, the more fun!)
• Backyard or other open space

What You Do:

• To play, have one or more players stand in a line (all facing forward), spaced 4 or more feet apart.
• All the players in the line should bend their backs while placing their hands on their knees to make a “high back”, or place their elbows on their knees to make a “small back”. Make sure to have players bend their head down, as well.
• The jumper selected to go first, stands behind the back of the last player, then leaps over the backs of all the players, one at a time by placing his hands on the back of the person at the back of the line. He must press on the person’s back and leap over the person, spreading his legs apart and hopping like a frog.
• When the leaper has arrived at the front of the line, he stops and forms either a “high back” or a “low back”.
• The last player in line now becomes the leaper, and leaps over the backs of all the other players.
• Continue playing until all players have had a chance to be the leaper.

So, what does this have to do with a “Playdate with God”, you ask?

I have often tried to skip over a step, a lesson, in life because it isn’t what I wanted to do or I did not feel up to it or for a variety of other reasons.  Purposefully skipping over a life step is like losing out on a piece of life, a lesson from God, an important growth moment.  I am purposing to live “set apart”, distinctly different, from the world in which I live because I am one of His children.  I cannot live that way and dare to miss a life moment, one of God’s lessons.  They are each and all too important as God has a plan for me and each moment is part of His plan for my life.

‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.  ‘Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  ‘You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.’”  Jeremiah 29:11-13 NASB

I want to miss nothing!  Life gets busy and suddenly I have missed much, but my desire is to miss as little as possible, so I need to be in the Word, on my knees, at His side.  I do not want to beat up on myself when I fall and fail at this, but I must pick myself up and ready myself to leap up onto and not over each lesson, each moment.  I have had a lot of seriousness in my life lately so playing a little childhood “Leapfrog” seems like a good thing for me right now, but my body won’t allow that.  So, instead, I shall sit with the Lord in the beauty of His days and learn from Him all that He will teach me.

Abiding with the Lord, rejoicing with Him, being able to glorify Him, and skipping over as little as I can, missing little or very little, is what I need for my peace.

LORD, I pray I stay near to You, am obedient to Your commands, follow Your steps so that I may grow more like You.  I ask for Your gentleness to hold me close in these days, Your lovingkindness to comfort me, Your love to live in me, and Your peace to reign in my heart.  Amen.

How do you embrace the God-joy? Every Monday Laura @ The Wellspring will be sharing one of her “Playdates with God”.  She welcomes us to share ours.  It can be anything: outside, quiet time. Maybe it’s solitary. Maybe it’s loud and crowded. Just find Him. Be with Him.

Photo: University of Tennessee, Knoxville – http://www.lib.utk.edu/arrowmont/Steve/Thumbnails/Access/arm00000072001.jpg

Graphic: St Anne’s Edgeside Primary School 2011 website- http://www.st-annes45.lancsngfl.ac.uk/prospectus/afterschool.html

I’m a British-born parenting guru, author, and star of TLC’s Take Home Nanny. I have over 17 years experience working with children and I know what works and what doesn’t. I founded Emma’s Children, a consulting service helping parents worldwide, and have a book coming out next year from Atria/ Simon & Schuster.

I’m now bringing my expertise into your home! You’ll get to look inside the “Nanny Emma” world. There’ll be loads of awesome tips, like fail-proof ways to get your little ones to eat what you eat, and tactics for handling everything from grocery store meltdowns to birthday party invitations. I’ll also do product reviews and a Q & A, so send in your questions!

Please subscribe, share and leave comments and suggestions for future topics. I will be answering questions!

Enjoy!

Emma x

–

Afterwards, we went home and I prepared for RaShad’s Popcorn & Pizza Pajama playdate. I was in such a rush with picking up last-minute items, cleaning, preparing the food, and setting up the concession stand that I forgot to take pictures (even forgot the move too)!

As the kids arrived, they were greeted with a goody bag containing their admission and food tickets as well as a yellow or orange glow stick. I ordered pizza from Sam’s Club and popped two different types of popcorn. The concession stand also consisted of cookies, chocolate galore!, marshmallow sticks, chips, juice and water. Everything was orange and yellow to go with the movie theme. We snuggled on the floor with our pillows and blankets and watched the Lorax (as much of it as the kiddos would allow). Then, we headed outside to the playground to burn off some energy before bedtime. The kids had a blast! What a wonderful way to end the weekend

Also this week, Trubba and I have both been sick. My hubby worked 7 days in a row so I’ve been trying to keep myself from being driven crazy. Homework you say? Nope, that’s still not done and it’s due tomorrow night. So, ugggggh.

We were actually able to have a playdate with a friend on Tuesday though, so that was exciting!! Trubba has never learned how to push himself on the ride-on toys (and doesn’t seem to have a desire to do so either), but he’ll push someone else. It was so cute since my friend’s son is only 5 days older than Trubba. I hope they grow up to be close.

Last weekend, the blogs didn’t get done because there was just too much going on to sit down and do anything about it….so I’ve been writing during the week again. Whoops! At least they’ve been posting on time right?

♣ ♦ ♠ ♥

Please help Leira! She’s at $256 of her $1000 goal with only 21 more days to go!

In celebration of Audrey turning 18 months old today I compiled a video of everything we did this past week together. Now that we are leaving L.A for Albany, GA in a month I am feeling this sudden need to wring L.A dry of all that it has to offer in terms of children’s activities. I plan to take Audrey to some cool places this week and look forward to sharing our adventures with you next Thursday! Until then, I hope you enjoy the video!

He has also been waking up at 3am wanting to nurse all week, simply because he woke up screaming at 3am when we were in Oregon and it seemed impolite to allow crying it out in a hotel.  Now he expects SERVICE at 3am.  And then still is awake for the day at 5.  *sigh*  Oh and I spotted a new tooth about to break through, so we have that to look forward to (I will say it’s been a long time since the last one– the first 7 or so came in practically one after the other).

So no sleep happening here.  I don’t have any pictures of the sandbox since Clingy McClingerson wouldn’t let go of me, but here’s one from a couple days ago when he climbed over his push cart and got stuck– mean mommy to pictures before helping him get out.