It has been quite some time since Derek started joining my webcam performances and I imagined he had a serious crush on me. Last Thursday his black girls desire overcame him and kindly invited me to dinner in a downtown restaurant. I couldn’t refuse the invitation cause he had been one of the nicest guys I ever chatted with. We quickly ended in his apartment and 5 minutes later I was already naked and extremely wet. His fingering method was absolutely fantastic and got me cumming two times in a row. And his cock wasn’t even involved yet. I had such a great pussy time… Recently I haven’t seen him on webcams.com but I’m sure his sexy black women fantasy will bring him back to me sooner or later…Click here to see the new show pics and hereto check out more about us.

Last week I tried something new in terms of pussy exposure on my live webcam. Many boys told me that they joined my sex chat room in order to get a glimpse at my japanese love tube, so I decided to offer them an insane vagina spectacle. Took Rupert, my transparent dildo, from the drawer and cleaned it very nicely so that nothing blocked the view inside me. Stripped my panties off and spread my legs as wide as I could. Then I begun sticking the vibrating train in the tunnel, and you know how fast japanese trains can get. Seems that everyone enjoyed it and asked that this became a regular act in any webcams.com show that I put on. And I’ll definitely keep that in mind.Click here to view our last show pics and here to view our profile and find out more about us.

Warning: This post is X-Rated, and not in a good way.

There’s a great deal of creativity in the porn industry, I’m sure. However, their movie naming skill has got to improve. When you shamelessly borrow from popular movie or show titles, do it well, or not at all.

I’ve got a few suggestions:

The Sperminator
He cums from the future.

Escape from Fire Island
Basically “Weekend at Bernie’s,” but gay, and without the dead body.

The Deadliest Snatch
There’s a killer on the loose.

Clight

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]]> http://chairmenoftheboard.wordpress.com/2008/07/17/top-five-pornos-based-on-video-games/ Thu, 17 Jul 2008 05:33:48 +0000 kraftymiles http://chairmenoftheboard.wordpress.com/2008/07/17/top-five-pornos-based-on-video-games/

Yes I did just type that.

#5) Super Hornio Bros.

#4)  Many, Many Tifa Lockhart of Final Fantasy VII Videos

#3) WhoreLore – World of Whorecraft and Age of Bonan

#2) Geki Fit  (It’s a Porno Based on Wii Fit)

#1) Chinpo o Kitaeru Otona no Ingenware Training (Dick Drilling Adult’s Lewd Word Self Training)

Now that list comes from Nerve.com

http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/61fps/archive/2008/07/14/nsfw-the-top-five-game-based-pornos.aspx

But I can think of a few better titles at least, White men can’t Hump, Shaving Ryan’s Privates, etc.

Is drug free the way to be?
Hell yeah, I think all drugs should be free… Do you have any idea how much LSD costs these days? All I wanna do is believe I’m being chased by a giant, headless gorilla with lightning for arms. But no, they gotta jack the prices up.

You have $100 in your pocket, and $50 falls out, what do you have in your pocket?
A girlfriend. Zing!

Have you ever laughed so hard that milk came out of your nose?
Sometimes…. This one time I laughed so hard that milk went in my nose…. try that David Blaine… it was weird though… I was watching a monkey and it was doing all these funny monkey things, and walking around like “Hey, I’m a monkey.” Good times. I guess you had to be there. Macaque.

Who was the last person you hugged?
Her name was D’Wanda. After she left the hotel room she was all “Why would you hug a prostitute?” Listen lady, for $28.94 I better be getting a damn hug at the end of the day.

How many cousins do you have?
17 or 18.. ish… and I’m not even Mexican, go figure…

Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
No… It didn’t even buy my hair a drink before it had it’s way with my folicles. But you should see what my hair did to the ocean. Lets just say Lorena Bobbit was like “Damn, that’s crazy!”

Is your keyboard sticky?
Well… how else am I supposed to get it pregnant?

Do you care about the ozone?
Nope. Al Gore invented the Ozone to scare us into being vegetarians.

If you were in a porn, what would the title be?
What do you mean if? If you want to see some really great stuff, check out my new movie: “The Chronicles of Pornia: Prince Ass-pian” or if you’re looking for a more family friendly movie, try my sci-fi mega hit “E.T.: The Extra Testicle.” Maybe stoner comedy is more your thing, might I suggest “Whoreold & Kumar Escape from Thongtanamo Bay.” Perhaps you’re in the mood for a high energy special effects about a guy and his super fast car, if so “Peen Racer” is for you (Try to guess what the car is named. Hint: It rhymes with “Mach 5″). Of course you could also see my breif stand-in scenes in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.”

Do you have a favorite fairy tale from childhood?
Sho’ does. Goes like this: Once upon a US/Mexico border there lived a young Mexican named Laughter Leguizamo. He and his family were poor onion farmers. They’d spend countless hours farming onions, as onion farmers tend to often do. One day Laughter Leguizamo found a puppy and named him Santos. Santos isn’t really important to the story but I thought you might like to know. Santos died a quiet peaceful death. It was a Chevy. Anyway, Laughter and his family would take baskets of Onions to the US border to give to the natives of the US, known as USians. Laughter would watch the USians have hours of fun at their Onion festivals. But Laughter knew he could never join the Onion Festivals because there was a little thing called border patrol that the USians’ Leader Georgedolph Bushtler had put in place so that the Mexicans couldn’t have fun in America. One day Laughter Leguizamo bit into a magic onion that transformed him into a caucasian male. Laughter lept across the US border, renamed himself John Smith, and joined the USians’ Onion festivals. He and the USians would eat onions until it got dark, then a random fire burnt down the USian Onion Festival building. Sad faces were spread about the USians. Without Onion Festivals, what was there for a USian to do? The USians decided to go to one of the local dance clubs and look at the pretty lights that flooded the room. Laughter began dancing, but little did he know, dancing was the antidote to his Magic Onion’s magicness. It was the antimagic. Soon every USian could see that Laughter was, infact, not a USian. One of the USians shouted “Hispanic! At the Disco!” This sent the USians into a blind rage. Non-USians are the prime prey for USians, and they were hungry. The USians chased Laughter out of the dance club and into the night. Soon Laughter was lost and alone. He knew that the USians would still be following him with their torches and pitchforks and grenade launchers. Laughter eventually found himself at the site where the USian Onion Festival Building used to be. Then it dawned on young Laughter as he said to himself “Debo construir un nuevo edificio del festival de la cebolla para la gente blanca.” And he did just that. He built a new Onion Festival Building for the USians in a few seconds. When the USians caught up they noticed the building. They went inside and saw Laughter and his family stocking the rooms with tons and tons of onions. A tear came to the USians’ demonic eyes and that night their hearts grew three times their size. “Who built this magnificent place?” one USian questioned. “It was me!” Said Laughter Leguizamo after eating another magic onion that helped him speak USianese. “Hmmm,” thought the USians in unison. Just then Mittens the Good Point Making Alcoholic Unicorn flew into the building and scolded the USians. “For it was this boy who helped you greedy little fucks get a new onion festival building you should all be grateful,” Mittens the Good Point Making Alcoholic Unicorn said before he finished his booze and passed out in a puddle of vomit and urine. “Mittens the Good Point Making Alcoholic Unicorn made a good point,” One USian said, retracting his claws, “We should thank this Mexican boy for making such a fine Onion Festival Building!” And thank him they did. With cocaine and hookers. They even made him an honorary USian and gave him a job mowing the lawn. But it was Laughter’s good deed that broke down the walls of bigotry world wide. That’s why when you speak of good-willed Mexicans remember this: Laughter is the Best Mexican.

http://www.cracked.com/article_15830_15-most-sexually-unappealing-porn-titles.html

A few weeks back I was driving on Market St. through the Castro with my friend Hilary. A billboards we drove by said something like, “Adult Titles The Whole Family Can Enjoy”. Somehow that sparked a conversation with us listing the funniest porno titles…her favorite being “Glad-He-Ate-Her”.

Obvious blog subject!!!

As it turns out, when you Google “best porn movie names”, one of the top 3 sites is http://www.wikiporno.org/wiki/Best_Porn_Movie_Names . Now, not only is this a list of every movie-based porno title list 400 films long, but the site is called “wikiporno”…That’s some real interneting!

Anyway, I sorted the list and edited out the ones I didn’t understand, didn’t know the movie or that made me gag….here you go:

-b