Christmas is done for the year.  We took our tree down, hauled it up to the attic and all the evidence of Christmas is gone, as if it never happened.  We each left an ornament out to remember the changes we want to make this Christmas and throughout the next year, but in our house, that’s not really out of the ordinary.

What is out of the ordinary?  Choosing to help others and live differently in a way that changes life as we know it.  My kids really didn’t seem all that bothered by the lack of gifts they got from me.   They still received the mandatory 27+ gifts from my mother, gifts they will never give a second thought to once they are put away.  They were both on board with the plan of donating money to their favorite charities, but I just wasn’t so sure come Christmas, they would still feel that way.  I was pleasantly surprised.  Christmas evening, after the kids came home, we rented a few movies and enjoyed some time together.  After all, I had not seen them for almost a week.

Yesterday we ventured into the stores, only for the purpose of grocery shopping and finding a small rug for my closet floor.  No store was exempt from the typical long return lines and post-holiday sale events.  Seriously, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

I decided yesterday to clean out my closet and get rid of the mountain of unused linens.  Why do I feel the need to hang on to stuff that I will never use again?  I made the compulsory closet purge, filled up the Infiniti sleigh and headed for the thrift store.

After unloading our surplus of worldly possessions, we went treasure hunting.  No, not shopping, treasure hunting.  Shopping is buying overpriced new ‘goods’ at large chain stores.  Treasure hunting is finding something special, previously owned by someone else at a price that doesn’t break the bank.  My kids quickly made their way to the toy section, disappointed that it was mostly baby toys.  I headed for the crowded book area, my kids not far behind.

I found a Man Ray photography book for 50 cents, which in the bookstore, was probably closer to $50.  Man Ray is one of my photography inspirations, mostly for photograms.  My photogram ‘Coffee Addict’ is one of my favorites… not that I have coffee issues or anything like that.

Cole found a Star Wars picture book, which he kept directly in front of his face in the entire time we were there, miraculously not walking into anyone or anything.

As we were making our way toward the front of the store, I stopped to see if there were any jeans or sweatshirts for the boys.  I guess everyone has been doing their Christmas purge, as the racks had three times the amount they usually do.  I found this t-shirt that pretty much sums up what society is teaching our kids.  ”WARNING: allergic to lame gifts.”  I wanted to buy the shirt just so I could destroy it and take it out of the clothing circulation.  I would have saved the small candy cane skull icon though, as it seems appropriate to use as a symbol of our cultural Christmas consumerism.

As we neared the front of the store, Joe didn’t seem to bothered that he didn’t find anything.  That is, until he turned the corner to find a kid-sized guitar, complete with stand and strings.  His little face lit up and I knew that guitar would be coming home with us before he even asked.  I don’t know much about musical instruments, but just the stand alone probably would have cost $19.99, which was the price for both.

We stood in the very short line at the checkout, quickly making it to the register.  The lady at the counter was very nice, talking to all three of us as we were paying for our purchases.  The last item rung up was Joe’s guitar.  The lady asked who it was for and I pointed to Joe.  I explained to her that he has been wanting to learn how to play, but the full size guitar I bought a while back, still has no strings and was really too big for him.  She told me, with a very sad face, that this guitar belonged to her son… her son that had passed away six years ago, and she finally had the courage to part with some of his things.  I promised her that it was going to a home where it would be appreciated and loved.

As we were leaving the store, Joe asked me if the guitar belonged to another kid, as he overheard part of our conversation.  A little uncomfortable with his completely appropriate question, I tried to shuffle him out of the store so I could explain about the previous owner.  The lady heard him and said, “It belonged to my son and he’s in heaven now.”  What does anyone say to that?  There are no words that could have lessened her pain or brought him back.

As we climbed in the car, there was grief-stricken silence.  A silence broken only by discussion of the young boy that we never knew, yet felt so attached to at that moment.  Both kids had many questions about the boy, “How did he die?  Are you sure he really died?  How old was he?  What happened to him?  Why did his mom still have his guitar?”  They were asking questions I would never have answers to, and questions I’m not sure they thought would be answered.  I had the same questions in my head, but speechlessly saying a small prayer that the lady would have some peace around her son’s death, a situation where I cannot comprehend a peace could possibility exist.

We tend to surround ourselves with things we like, stuff that entertains us or makes us happy.  Material things are not evil, that is, unless we order our lives around them instead of people and relationships.  I don’t see a problem with a bound portfolio for artistic inspiration, a book for imagination and fantasy or a guitar to learn self-expression through music.  Inanimate objects are visual triggers for remembrance, things that pull memories from deep within our minds, surfacing them as current thoughts for enjoyment, reflection and sometimes necessary action.

Are all of my non-essential possessions useful or meaningful?  Not entirely, but I can honestly say that most of them have some meaning or story behind them.  I don’t do new year resolutions, but I will challenge myself to be more aware of my attachment to belongings.  I guess belongings is a good word for this, as it is broken down to ‘be longing’.

They are the scavengers of the American culture, taking the discarded and forgotten and making it their own, getting that last bit of nourishment or life from it when we have decided none could be found.
~Frugal for Life

It’s easy. I do it all the time.

There’s just one trick: you have to be patient. Instant gratification isn’t going to work here. You have to be willing to wait, and willing to accept that you might not get exactly what you want, when you want. It might be slightly worn. It might not be the right color or brand. But fuck, you got it for free!

How?

Dumpster diving, Freecycling, Craigslisting, Goodwill. Don’t snub your nose…I’ve gotten a very nice flat screen television, a cordless drill, a cat carrier, two really nice desks, a futon, cd players, a chest of drawers, several bicycles…the list goes on. Some of it I pulled out of dumpsters (including the television), some I bought for cheap from people on Craigslist (a brand new desk for $15) or at Goodwill, some of it people have given me.

But like I said, you have to be patient. You have to be willing to settle for what you find or get instead of exactly what you want. Beggars can’t be choosers, after all. But when the TV is free, who cares if there’s a crack in the base and the cord was spliced back together? Especially when it was at least a 36 inch. Someone paid a lot of money for that TV. And it wasn’t me.

And most of it’s not crap. Sure, there’s lots of crap running around, (two of the futon frames I’ve pulled out of the dumpster were pretty shitty), but most of the stuff I find is decent quality stuff that’s just tossed because it’s unwanted. The cat carrier was new-looking…they didn’t use it anymore and I needed one.

People have this idea of what “garage sale chic” looks like. Now, while my apartment certainly wouldn’t make the cover of Better Homes and Gardens, I’m sure most people wouldn’t realize that most of it is second-hand. The stools are new (mom bought them, I wouldn’t have bothered). The TV, the futon, the bookshelf, the desk. All used. I used to have a pretty garage sale chicy loveseat, but I gave it to my brother.

The trick is to teach yourself to pay attention. Living in a college town helps. Big piles on the curb and always a good bet. Craigslist and Freecycle are just flat-out useful, although there can be competition for the good stuff. But like I said, the major trick is to just be patient and not terribly picky. I spent several months televisionless before we found that big one in the dumpster (not that I was at all sad being without).

I’m a scavenger. I pick up the discarded or unwanted. There are those that live off of it. All the bullshit people throw out. All the waste people make. Enough for people to live off of. Enough for people to furnish apartments and houses with. I hate bringing “third-world” countries into this, but our dumpsters would be a gold mine for some people.

As Lupa wisely said, “we need to quit hating on the scavengers.” Some might think it’s gross, or believe themselves above that sort of thing. And they can go ahead and toss whatever they (don’t) like out. We’ll be there to pick it up, take it home, and be happy with it. We didn’t have to pay for it, after all.

Call me crazy but I really don’t like when people touch my things. Let me reiterate so we are clear; I Don’t Like When People Touch My Things!

Now that you are aware of my feelings on the subject I should also note that no one is really exempt from this rule, since a few times last summer I even became annoyed with my mom for breaking it.

You see everything in my world has a rightful place and when people touch things they inevitably move and reposition them in such as way that throws of the Feng Shui, if you will, of that particular area.

I understand that it is inevitable that my belongings are going to be touched, moved or rearranged from time to time and I am getting better at dealing with this reality. I know that not everyone shares my compulsion with people not touching their things, but I believe that most reasonable human beings would be able to differentiate when it is and isn’t appropriate to mess with someone else’s stuff.

While it is not my intention to point out a specific individual who has recently had the audacity to take, touch and rearrange things in my room (and this person is not my Grandfather who I live with), I do want to voice my displeasure about the situation.

Whether someone wants to borrow a pillow, take a few granola bars or use my towel I believe that it is common courtesy to ask that person’s permission before going shopping amongst their possessions. Furthermore, if in the process of selecting said items other things were disturbed then I would think that any decent person would at least attempt to put things back the way they were.

Now, I know that my compulsion for order and obsession with people not touching my things, particularly without asking, exacerbates these types of situations but it’s not fair to pin this back on me. Just because I feel that way doesn’t excuse someone from disrespecting and disrupting my personal space.

When I come home after a long day of work I don’t think it’s too much to ask that I am able to walk into my room and see that everything is in the same place where I left it. Furthermore, with all that I am fighting on a day-to-day basis to keep focused and make the best of my situation I certainly don’t believe that I deserve to come home to a disrupted room where several of my things are missing or have been moved.

It is absolutely ridiculous that last night I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth before bed only to discover, for the second time in the past week, that my fucking toothbrush was missing!

Therefore, I’m imploring everyone to have respect for other people and their property because you know what, I’m not crazy, I am who I am, and that is not only someone who doesn’t like when people touch my things but also someone who deserves to have their personal space respected.

152

A nativity set made with our children years ago — still on display yearly!

151

An old-fashioned Christmas at The Occidental Hotel

150

Christmas cheer

149

Ribbons for our service men and women deployed overseas

148

A nativity set painted by my mother years ago

147

A Savior born to deliver us from sin

146

Ice on Clear Creek

145

The beautiful Clear Creek walking bridge

144

Ornaments from a tree my husband once bought me at “Festival of Trees”

143

Christmas in the Wild West is always fun

“Wills speak at the time of death”.  This is a very old saying, but still so applicable today!  Your will is your voice after you die. Your last will and testament is a legal document in which you can express how you want your property to be distributed after your death, who you want to be in charge of said distribution and who will take care of your kids. In a will, you can also provide for your pets, your great grandmother’s silverware, your coin collection, your antiques and anything else you want to end in a certain person’s possession.

If you die without a will, you are said to have died intestate. In that case the law of the state in which your property is located will determine the way your property will be distributed after your death, regardless of what your wishes were. If you want to have a word on who is going to get what from the property you leave behind, you must have a will. A simple will is the only way you can control what is going to happen with all your affairs after you die.

If you die intestate and you do not have children, your property will be transferred to your parents. If your parents have predeceased you, then the property will be passed on to your siblings, even if you haven‘t heard from them in years. Your spouse or domestic partner will only get the small portion of your property that the law reserves for him or her. In the absence of a will, spouses and/or domestic partners, after a life of companionship, can be left with very little. They can even lose their home, if you do die intestate.

Dying without a will, closes the doors to all your friends from inheriting from you, regardless of how dear they may be to you. You will not have the choice of leaving money to your favorite charity, cause or church. The state will decide who will take care of your children. In brief, what you think, what you want, or what your opinions are regarding what happens with all your things after you die will be totally discounted, when you die without a will. You are left out of the decision-making process altogether.

Evane Abbassi, author and founder of Legendary Wills and Trusts 12-in-1 software, has a Juris Doctoral Degree and holds an LLM degree in tax and estate planning. A degree that 6% of all lawyers hold. She is a Trustee for some of the wealthiest families in the US. The Legendary Wills and Trusts 12-in-1 software is available on immediate download for only $99. Visit http://www.LegendaryWillsandTrusts.com for details.

Something I have been thinking about a little lately. Just listening to people talk about growing up, their relationships with their parents, some good, some bad. I have first hand experience with both types of parents. I found it unsurprising that there are a lot of people out there that treat their children like possessions.

Too much restriction? They’ll learn to lie. I really wish parents would have more faith in their children, maybe many things would be different. I am not so sure “teenage rebellion” is the only problem here. This people-possession often continues well into adult years when it’s quite obvious noone is a child anymore. And if they were? It’s not too dissimilar a concept.

If you hold onto something with too tight a grasp, whether it be out of trying to give and do your best with intentions of improving their lives (whilst possibly ignoring their dreams) or out of selfishness and control issues, if you constantly deny them the right to make choices, assume that you know what is best rather than let them live, you may lose them.

Sometimes people need to fall, maybe fail and learn from the lessons life has to offer, building character and all that jazz. Hold on too tight and forbid too much, treat your kids like possessions and they will do everything on the sly or end up living like robots and possibly resent.

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”

-Kahlil Gibran

Luke 12:22-26
Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifeb? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Parable after parable, Jesus was teaching his significant following what God’s will for man was and is. Wealth was an area he spoke often about and it might seem depressing to most of us. Most of us devote our lives to providing well for us and our families and some of us are successful at it. To many, the safety in having wealth stored is more than the security of knowing we serve a loving savior. Wealth is measured in terms of money, possessions, jewelry, land, cattle and many other ways. Is the Lord saying that the pursuit of money is wrong then? Can we not build safety nets for ourselves here on earth to safeguard us and our families against difficult times like economic recessions?

In the verses prior to our passage today, we are reminded that if we put our trust in any wealth that is not scriptural, we may never be able to enjoy the fruits of it. Death may rob us of the chance of enjoying it’s protection and provision and our loved ones also may not get it. However, when we focus our lives on serving the Lord, we build for ourselves wealth in eternity and that is never perishing just as we are not when we are saved by God’s grace. Today the Lord reminds us that we are not to worry about our lives, our food, our physical health or clothes because he will provide and has been providing better than he does to even the birds of the air. We are considered God’s own children when we take his yoke upon our shoulders and we can rest in knowing that he has our best in mind. Now the pursuit of wealth is a joy because it is spiritual and all other wealth we acquire is from him and for his glory. Lets refocus our lives to serving him faithfully and building our treasures in heaven.

In His Loving Service,
Vineet

PS: Sign up for daily devotionals by clicking the email subscription icon at the top right of this page or by visiting http://groups.google.com/group/in-his-loving-service. Share this with your friends and family who need encouragement!

What's Your Destination?

I have a gem of a used book for sale on my amazon site at http://www.amazon.com/shops/mikeneedsakidneydotcom.

The book is “U.S. International Taxation” by Joel D. Kuntz and Robert J. Peroni.  The preface says: “This book discusses one of the most complex and important areas of the federal tax law:  the taxation by the U.S. of international transactions, foreign persons, and foreign income.”

Volume 1:

A.  General Matters

B.  Taxation of U.S. Persons with Foreign Activities

Volume 2:

C.  Taxation of Foreign Persons with U.S. Activities

D.  U.S. Possessions

Please see http://www.amazon.com/shops/mikeneedsakidneydotcom.

The following excerpts were taken from the book The Simple Truths by Kevin Nerburn.  I want to share these especially at this time of the year where money is of utmost important and giving is on top of everyone’s list.  I interjected some bible verses where they also said the same thing.  Have a blessed Christmas to all!  Remember that Jesus is the reason for the season.

On Money

Imagine two different people.  The first builds his life around his desires. He has an internal accounting system that projects the amount of money he needs to meet his desires, and he feels he is poor unless he has that much.

A party gives laughter,
wine gives happiness,
and money gives everything! (Ecclesiastes 10:19 NLT)

On the basic level of money, this man feels poor unless he can fill in the distance between his present position and his fantasies with the money necessary to bring those fantasies to life. He may be a millionaire, but if his fantasies run into the billions, in his own mind he is poor.

Another person, who sees money as a simple tool of moving through life, will feel comfortable if she has a dollar more than she needs in her pocket, and positively rich if she has ten dollars more than she needs.

The difference between these two people does not lie in their actual wealth. It lies in their psychological relationship to money.  They may have exactly the same amount of money but one measures money against desires, the other measures it against needs.

So how should you deal with money?  There are some basic guidelines to keep in mind.

The first is this: It is important to know how to be poor as it is to know how to be rich.  It means not getting up in what is lacking, but finding meaning in what you have.  It means knowing how to live with style and creativity without basing your life on money.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV)

A second guideline is this: Stay away from debt in your personal life.  Debt not poverty, is the greatest enemy of financial well-being and peace of mind.

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. (1 Timothy 6:10 NIV)

This is a third guideline: Money tends to move away from those who try to hoard it, and toward those who share it.  People who speak the same language tend to find each other.

Who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things
will never be shaken. (Psalm 15:5 NIV)

A fourth guideline to keep in mind is that money comes and goes. You must not be immobilized by the fear of losing it.  Money is nothing more than a commodity.  It is the spirit of exchange that animates money and gives it meaning. Be a giver and a sharer, all else will take care of itself.

On Possessions

We wake up one day and find ourselves surrounded by possessions that mean nothing to us. Our freedom is gone; our lightness of being is gone.  In their place is a sense of responsibility and ownership.

Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”
When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?”
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:21-26 NIV)

We must always remember that possessions have no inherent value. They become what we make them. If they increase our capacity to give, they become something good. If they increase our focus on ourselves and become standards by which we measure other people, they become something bad.

They are chameleons that change from fantasies into responsibilities once you hold them in your hand, because they take your eye from the heavens and rivet it squarely on the earth. And when the objects accumulate, do what you must to free yourself from their false importance. Give away what you don’t use.

Listen to the quieter wisdom that says you will value your possessions more if you have fewer of them, and that you will find deeper meaning in human sharing than in the accumulation of goods. If you build up possessions just as the logical outcome of pursuing your desires, you will lose your wings to fly.

On Giving

Giving is a miracle than can transform the heaviness of hearts. Too often we are blind to this everyday miracle. If you perform these simple acts, little by little you will start to understand the miracle of giving. You will begin to see the unprotected human heart and the honest smiles of human happiness. You will start to feel what is common among us, not what separates and differentiates us.

He who gives to the poor will lack nothing,
but he who closes his eyes to them receives many curses. (Proverbs 28:27 NIV)

He who oppresses the poor to increase his wealth
and he who gives gifts to the rich—both come to poverty. (Proverbs 22:16 NIV)

Before long you will discover that you have the power to create joy and happiness by your simplest gestures of caring and compassion.  You will see that you have the  power to unlock the goodness in other people’s hearts by sharing the goodness in yours.

And most of all, you will find the other givers. No matter where you live or where you travel, whether you speak their language or know their names you will know them by their small acts, and they will recognize you by yours. You will become part of the community of humanity that trust and shares and dares to reveal the softness of its heart. Once you become a giver you will never be alone.

Many seek favors from a ruler;
everyone is the friend of a person who gives gifts! (Proverbs 19:6 NLT)

Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. (2 Corinthians 9:7 NIV)

Nowadays, boats don’t come cheap. Indeed, for many people who own them, boats are among their most expensive possessions. To be sure, whatever a boat is bought for, it usually delivers quite well: whether it was bought for pleasure, or as income-generating asset for business. Unfortunately, due to the aquatic environments in which they operate, boats are vulnerable to a lot of things. A boat could, for instance, quite easily get irreparably damaged in a storm (and this is the best case scenario).
Author:
pubDate:Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:03:21 -0600
Original Link:http://ezinearticles.com/?Avoid-Treacherous-Waters-Get-Boat-Insurance&id=3324313

Consumerism is the equation of personal happiness with consumption and the purchase of material possessions (Wikipedia). Consumerism reigns like a proud King in America. He’s captured hearts. Chained families to debt. Caused divorce. And has crept into churches.

But that’s not all. Consumerism is mainly an issue of the heart– the flesh’s desire for more, and a failure to trust in God to provide all things.

Here are five practical ways I’m trying to fight consumerism this Christmas:

1.) Remember former debt. It wasn’t a fun experience a few years ago paying off around $700.00 of credit card debt from Christmas time. (Thanks to Dave Ramsey, we cut our credit cards up so they no longer tempt us).

2.) Pray for a spirit-led shopping experience. Before I went out the other day I prayed that God would help me decide what I needed to get vs. what I wanted to get for other people. I  believe that prayer and being led by the Spirit helps keep me from over-spending.

3.) Accumulate experiences, not possessions (thanks Mark Batterson). I’ve tried to put relationships and time together with those closest to me in my life above accumulating stuff and things that don’t last.

4.) Be in authentic community. I’ve surrounded myself with friends who will ask me the hard questions. And they know our budget. While they don’t ask about this all the time, I know I have to be ready if they do.

5.) Give to those you know who are in need and love on them. This Christmas, we’ll be giving away some of the resources God’s given to us to certain family members who are struggling. Sometimes I think I’m only doing “good” if I give to a charity or other organization, but if a family member is in need- he or she really is who takes precedence.

Above all, the gospel is what transforms our hearts and keeps us from being led away by the desire for more. I’m thankful that as I daily surrender to the Spirit’s control, I can be victorious in the constant battle where consumerism tries to be King.

Have you thought of a plan of attack for fighting consumerism in the upcoming days?

As promised.

So these were the two images I used for my final response to the whole desire projectimondos.  My idea was based around Alienation and Belonging and the notion of hoarding objects, clothes, souvenirs etc. to bring someone closer.  Et Voila!

“Freely you received, freely give.”

These are some thoughts on celebrating Christmas.  But even more, these are thoughts reflecting how the true spirit of Christmas ought to posture our journey in and through the new year.

Jesus said, “Freely you received, freely give.”  God gives that we may give as He gives.  God freely gives but always with the purpose of changing us.  God freely gives, but He does not give just to bless; He gives to invest in the growth of whatever He blesses with His gifts.

Jesus did not die on the cross for our sins, so that we can go to heaven when we die.  The Bible does not teach that; at least not in quite that perspective.  Rather, our eternal livelihood in God’s presence is a by-product of a greater purpose God has designed towards us.  For what the Bible teaches is that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, so that He may restore us into His likeness.

This Christmas, let us be mindful that God is greater than Santa Clause and nothing like Santa Claus.  Contrary to the ill-fated beliefs of far too many Christians today, God does not freely give to us, without seeking a change in us.  He does not freely give to us just to make us happy and affirm us as His children.  God does not freely give in order to solve all our problems, fulfill all our desires, and make feel good and happy.  This kind of thinking is pure delusion and a very poor and very wrong image of God and His blessings.  This whole mindset misses the greater nature, power and purpose of God the giving God; of God who freely gives because He is the Most Moved Giver.

A helpful contemporary metaphor to describe God in His giving to us, is the idea of an “angel investor,” but in the best sense of the word.  God graces us with His gifts because He finds all of us to be a worthy investment of His grace.  This is partly what the Bible means by “redemption.”

God finds us humans redeemable for one reason:  He created us in His likeness.  So He has staked His very existence in fact, to secure our redemption.  He has redeemed us, for one reason: to restore all things back to their original purpose.  It does not matter how far we have strayed from the divine purpose.  In all our sins, we are redeemable.

“He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created.” (James 1:18).  A Santa Claus god gives so that we can have and enjoy things.  But the true God freely gives so that we can become joyful givers, passing down all that he passes down to us.

God give so that hopefully, we become something like God: a gracious person endowed with the supernatural capacity to freely and joyfully give to whomever lacks the “gift” we receive from God.

Every gift that God bestows upon us has a prophetic purpose.  Every gift God freely gives us is divinely purposed to produce a change in our wicked heart.  And the evidence of that change is how well we also become endowed with the grace of giving.

As He restores us into His likeness, we become ambassadors of heaven.  As ambassadors of heaven, we give as God has given to us, and still gives to us.  Everything passes down from the Father to us, so that we become channels of His blessing.

Whatever God gives us, if we give it away, especially as an investment in others, our act of giving will last forever.  But whatever God gives us, if we keep it only to our self, it will soon pass away; it will not last into eternity.  The time will come when whatever gifts we have received but failed to somehow pass on to others, those gifts will rot; they will burn, they will pass away.

There are acts we do however, which can last forever.  What lasts for eternity is the motive and purity behind every gift and blessing we pass on to others.

As “calculating” humans who are still growing in the ways of Jesus, we may question the effectiveness of what we give.  We may regret what we have given because we perceive our “gifts” have been ill planned, squandered, or have not resulted in the desired fruit or long-term outcome.

So we must remind ourselves that what will last forever, is the purity of our act; the purity of our giving.  If we freely give in pure gratitude for what God has freely given us, our action—our act of giving, will last forever.

What can we give?

We can give our time; we can give our material possessions; we can give expertise.  We can give our gifts; we can pass down and on, what has been passed down to us.  We can give grace.  We can give forbearance.  We can give forgiveness.  We can give others the benefit of the doubt.

We can give our selves to creating goods, services and technologies  that may not make us rich but will make the world a better place, especially for those who have less than us.  We can give our excess away.

Who should we give?

We should give to everyone, but especially to those who cannot pay us back.  So we should foremost give to the poor, to children, to the elderly, to the widows, to the broken, to the destitute.  We should give to those who have broken the law and suffered for their transgressions.  We should give everyone who needs a second chance, and to everyone who need a new lease in life.  This is what the Bible means by preaching the “Year of the Lord,” the acceptable year of the Lord;” the year of Jubilee.

And may I say to my Pentecostal brothers and sisters, and also to my Charismatic brethren who value manifestations of God’s Spirit through the miraculous, to give freely give largely sums up the meaning of Pentecost, because Pentecost is the beginning of the year of Jubilee; the Age of the Spirit; the Age of God’s prophetic people.  If we presume we are full of the Spirit and speak in tongues but find it hard to free give or freely forgive, we had better reflect if we are living out the year of Jubilee.  What we might really be living out is just remnants of a once great move of God’s Spirit in our life.

How should we give?

We give without expecting anything in return.  We freely give because we have freely received.  But we can hope and pray that whomever we give to will in turn become prompted to also give. We cab hope and pray that to whomever we give, will pass on the grace of giving.

We can hope and pray that whomever we forgive, will likewise forgive someone else.

We can hope and pray that as God’s grace flows through us, so also it will continue to flow through whomever we have freely given.

God is building a new world; He is building a new world out of this present one, which is passing away.  Every good thing we do; every pure act that results from encountering God’s grace in our life, will last forever.  Every act of kindness will last forever.  Every act of charity will endure for all eternity.  What we do in life, will indeed last for eternity.  That is why the Scripture says, “Let us know become weary in well doing, for in due season we will reap a harvest.

God loves you just as you are.  But He loves you too much to leave you as you are.  Everything He gives to you, is with the aim of transforming you into His likeness.

So if God has freely given to you, you also must free give, as often as possible, as much as possible, and to as many as possible.  For in so doing, you are contributing to the building of a new world, a world built not on wood and straw but a world built on gold and silver; a world built on the foundation of Christ.  A new world built upon the very image of God Himself.  Freely you have received, freely give.

Postlude:

Some of these thoughts I’ve gleaned from a book I am presently reading by Pentecostal theologian Miroslav Volf, titled, Free of Charge: Giving and Forgiving in a Culture Stripped of Grace (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005).

In 2006, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Rowan Williams, selected this book as the Lenten study book for 2006.  Dr Rowan Williams wrote in his “Foreword,” “This is a book about worshiping the true God and letting the true God act in us. . . our knowledge of this true God is utterly bound up with our willingness to receive from the hand of God the liberty to give and forgive. . .  I cannot remember having read a better account of what it means to say that Jesus suffered for us, ‘in our place.’”

Here is one Volf’s final reflections, which I find quite stimulating:  “Why do we refuse the God-given bridge that would transport us from selfishness to self-giving, from vengeance to forgiveness?  That’s a mystery that should make us tremble— tremble before the God who gives to the ungrateful and the God who forgives the ungodly.”

Hello there, many of you have been curious as to how things are going in our move to the bay area of California.  Here are some of my early (1 week) impressions.  

We settled in Menlo Park, which you probably have not heard of, but which is a stone’s throw from Palo Alto, which you might not have heard of either, but which is home to Stanford University, which you likely HAVE heard of.  We are all of 3 minutes from Stanford U.  

 Let me say this up front: as Texans these past 20 years and Dear Hubby (DH hereafter) his whole life, we have been spoiled by SPACE.  Sheer SPACE.  Here, houses are piled upon houses.  Every available inch seems to have been built on.  I am aware of the zero lot line in Dallas, but that is a CHOICE; here, it’s a necessity given the population masses and densities (7.4M in the bay area).  And there’s just cars cars cars traffic traffic traffic everywhere!   

We live on a peninsula!  It’s so crowded (101 cities and 10 counties), that although the GPS tells us a certain destination is only 3 miles away, it might take 20 minutes, due to all the lights, traffic and 25 mile per hour streets.  There’s no option as in Austin to “hop on 183 expressway and get anywhere in 15 minutes and usually in 7”.  The peninsula is just one big urban sprawl of town after town, from San Francisco down to San Jose, roughly 50 miles.  There are expressways up and down the peninsula that get bogged down daily during excruciating 3.5-hour-rush-hour (and which we adamantly avoided by our apartment decision).  But there are few EWays cross-peninsula, anyway, it’s only ~20 miles across.    

half moon bay

DH and daughter have already been to the ocean and beach at Half Moon Bay across the Santa Cruz mountains – it took them all of 22 minutes (see pic).  Another 20 or so minutes in the opposite direction and we’re at San Francisco bay.  

You might imagine DH is itchin’ to go fishin’!

 

 

 

 

Secondly, our apartment is about 1000 square feet less than we’re used to.  We made a lot of compromises/creative use of space (read: the office is un-inhabitable at the moment .   I haven’t lived in an apartment since 1993; this has also been an adjustment.  We don’t have covered parking.  The kitchen is tiny – I keep bumping into DH; my conclusion is, best just stay out of the kitchen! .  The bathrooms are small and accoutrements marginal (where’s my sink? and what’s up with linoleum?).  There are no washer/dryer connections at all – yikes!  The floor squeaks in places.  And yet, somehow we like it! 

 

The apartment has a good vibe, “good bones” as my realtor friend Karen Mateszewski would say.  It’s got huge patio doors in the living room that look out on the most gorgeous red maple, and another spectacular red tree (of unknown species – all this California foliage is new to me!), it feels like they are IN our living room!  There’s the heated pool and hot tub that are “at the ready” with no upkeep on our part.  It’s quiet.  There are big mature trees and great landscaping, it feels like we are in a forest (compared to Austin anyway!).  And, it really *is* big enough.  This move led us to shed all those non-essentials that we’d acquired over the years – getting down to basics is satisfying.   

skyline blvd thru santa cruz mountains

Other things to like!: 10 minute commute at most to work.  We are also minutes from the beautiful Santa Cruz mountains (see pic) where there *is* lots of open space, and there are lovely hills and trees in this area and FALL COLOR!.  It’s not snowing and it’s never going to be 100 degrees, or even 90 degrees.  Excellent school district for our daughter – we won’t have to send her to private school – we’ll just have to teach her not to be bullied by snobby Palo Alto kids    

You may be thinking, why didn’t we consider buying a house, what about the much-ballyhooed  housing bubble burst in CA, shouldn’t there be some good deals?  Well, houses in the Palo Alto/Menlo Park area *start* at $1.5M (down from $2M I guess!!!)  Case in point – you gotta click on this link to this simply incredulous $3M 1000 sqft home built in 1920… !!! The townhomes across the street are $1M and they look like nothing better than an $850 a month apartment in Austin.  Driving further out, prices do get an itty bit better: across the bay, a house that does not hold a candle to our Austin home is worth $650K, and the commute would be a punishing 45 minutes minimum, more like an hour, each way.  We cannot swallow paying that kind of money for a house; it just makes no sense to us.   

 As for renting a house, that will require a lot more investigation.  The houses I looked at that were commute-friendly and in our price range were tiny, 70s/60s/50s/earlier with no updates, and had major things wrong with them, such as:  

• they were perched inches from the expressway
• they boasted double paned windows that were all fogged up/covered with dirt inside with no way to clean them
• one advertised as a 2-bath – the second was a toilet – just a toilet, completely exposed – installed in the garage!

You get the idea – gaaaarrrrrhhhhh I could not stomach them.  

True city livin’!  We now live in walking distance to Starbucks, grocery store, a couple of restaurants, bar, pizza joint, a couple of parks, etc.  It’s very cool not to have to constantly jump in the car (although here’s a telling remark from my little one “Mom, why don’t we jump in the car instead of walk to the park?”)  

Speaking of our Austin home, we could not bear to part with it, so we’re trying to rent it out (not to mention it’s not a seller’s market).  Here’s the craigslist link; if you could spread the word, or know of anyone, we’d be grateful.  

Finally, there’s this sense of adventure we as a family share – everything is sensually stimulating, from trying the local Cal-Mex, to hiking to the Stanford “dish” (see pic), the different grocery stores, going to a new church, finding new trails on the Stanford campus to run on, the much greater diversity of culture, visually appreciating the orange and lemon trees that grow here (and other fantastic foliage)… it’s all brand new to us!  I can’t wait to try out all the hiking trails in the redwoods - I understand there’s tons of it!   

We’re smiling, and open to new experiences!  

What about YOUR adventures?  Feel free to share!  

It never fails, your not even sitting down five minutes in front of the television set watching your favorite program, when there they are.  A barrage of commercials from companies who are trying to sell us something.  It does not matter what it is, whether it is a brand new top of the line car, expensive jewelry, electronic gadgets, cleaning products or something as simple as food.

These companies have spent countless dollars to gnaw away at our brains at all hours of the day, always trying their ever best to convince us into thinking that if we just buy their products, our lives will be that much richer, fuller and happy.  They prey and count on, that the people that are watching, are those who have a void that needs to be filled in their lives.  The woman with the low self-esteem, who believes that if she buys that expensive dress, more men will notice her.  The guy who believes that if he buys that new sportscar, all the women will want him.  The person with the weight problem who believes that if they just buy that exercise machine, all their pounds will be shed. 

But we can’t blame these companies for this.  They are simply doing thier job and to be honest they do it quite well.   We are the ones that let ourselves be talked into buying stuff we don’t need, wont ever use and probably can’t even afford at times.  Our brain seems to shut out any type of reasoning and all we can think of is to drive to the nearest store, in search of that one item that promises to bring us that happiness high.  But we are totally unaware that it is just a matter of time before we are right back to where we first were, when we were sitting on the couch in front of that television set. 

For some of us the journey to fill that emptiness, takes us down different roads other than those that lead to the nearest store.  They are roads that are dark, dangerous and full of despair.  Roads that lead to drug addiction, alcohol abuse, pornography, sexual promiscuity, jail sentences and even death.  These roads lead nowhere fast and are best left untraveled.  Proverbs 14:12 tells us that “There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.”

Happiness cannot be bought.  King Solomon knew this only too well.  Not only did he possess great wisdom and knowledge, but he had everything that anyone could ever want.  He denied himself no pleasures, and yet despite all of this he still felt unfullfilled, counting it all as meaningless. 

Instead of us chasing after material things that will never bring us any type of satisfaction or fullfillment, let’s keep our eyes on the path that leads us to the one thing that can, Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.  Best of all it does not cost a thing, it is free.  Free for all of us to accept if we so choose.

By Jana

Perhaps because I live in Southern California and feel the constant threat of fires, earthquakes, tsunami-floods, and theft, I have ambivalence about most of my possessions.  When a friend dropped a large glass serving bowl while she was helping in my kitchen, I didn’t bat an eyelash.  When an acquaintance needed to borrow a car for an evening, I handed him my keys without giving it much thought.  I do the same with books, clothing, gear, etc.  In my mind, if someone else has the need of my stuff, it makes so much sense to share it with them.   For example, I loaned our tire chains to a complete stranger awhile ago and never got them back and I really don’t care–I imagine that he’s getting good use of them and they were just dead weight in my trunk (I rarely drive in snow).   I also have this larger sense of none of my “things” really being mine–sure they are in my house and I paid for them, but sharing them with others only makes the having of the stuff more meaningful to me.  Even at the risk of losing some of what I share.

It is, perhaps, the unique circumstances of my life that leave me feeling that I don’t own my body, either.  Sure, I can keep it healthy and care for it.  But having lost my leg to cancer at a young age taught me that even our bodies are not ours.  There are circumstances in which we lose control of them and of their functions.  We can, of course, keep free of physical addictions and do all we can to maintain health.  But that can be taken from us at any instant.

I don’t have a sense of owning the people in my family, either.  Although I think I used to feel that way.  Perhaps the biggest lesson of my early marriage years was realizing that my spouse owns himself and it is not my role to control or micromanage his behavior.  Sure, I can depend on him, invest emotionally in him, and feel secure in our relationship.  But I don’t own him.  And the same goes for my children, too.  I teach them and guide them, but they are not “mine”–their decisions and choices are theirs alone.

I could say that I own a certain sum of money that sits in my bank and in my retirement account.  But even that, to me, seems subject to the happenings of the economy and the solvency of institutions that are out of my control.  I do my best to be responsible for my life, but larger forces could easily render my life savings, my food storage, and/or my employability negligible.

So what do I own?  For the most part, I own my actions, my beliefs, and my choices.  I usually also own the consequences of my behavior.  I own my memories (for now, but might not always due to old-age or injury).  I own this moment in that I am choosing to sit here at this keyboard and in sharing my thoughts with you rather than doing something else.  But I don’t own all of my time–much of it is dictated by my work and family circumstances.

Do you ever think about what you own?  Do you ever struggle with the desires to own your self, your family, or your life?

Photo by John Remy, taken earlier this week in the Newport Back Bay

The Key to Global Prosperity

At this very moment the rich nations of the world, the affluent peoples of the world, and particularly those in the world who believe the boundless wealth they possess is given to them by the mercy of God; all these individuals, communities, peoples and nations, have together in their hands the key to an era of global prosperity not known since the dawn of human civilization.

The key is simple and is four-fold. First, all these peoples, or at least vast representations of their communities need only repent of their many extravagant indulgences which are destroying the world’s ecosystem and that even more so at the expense of the developing and non-developed nations of the world and world’s poor. Second, they must squarely resolve to adapt and find satisfied enjoyment in a far simpler lifestyle that is profoundly shaped by an awareness into how the crisis at hand further threatens the world’s poor.

They must do so because it is they— the poor of the word in the two-third’s world, who face the greatest suffering by the coming ecological and humanitarian crises, which is rooted in the past and present mindless carbon footprints— not of the two-thirds world, but by the first-world people of the world. The crises of global poverty and impending ecological disaster are one and the same. And both crises threaten the present and enjoyed security of the world’s affluent.

We all live on borrowed time. The poor of this world, the world’s oppressed, the hungry and the starving, they suffer not foremost because of those demonically-enslaved forces of terror now unleashed upon both poor and rich alike, but because of our own consumerist-driven extravagances. For it is our extravagance largely made available to us through wrong paradigms towards our entire created order, which has led and is now leading to a possible world-encompassing and cataclysmic ecological meltdown and financial ruin of many nations. At the top of this list is the United States, followed by the European Union, then China, and then India. This list is certainly even more astonishing as China and India are set to substantially lead the global economy over the next century.

Furthermore, we must squarely acknowledge that if we take the high road, we must therefore know that in the short run, the rich nations of the world will need to make far greater, biting and painful changes in how we spend our wealth. It is they who are most responsible for the coming crisis, and it is they who must also make the needed sacrifices and monetary outlay to tackle the crisis. We must do so if we are to avert the coming ecological meltdown and security-threatening crisis of global poverty.

To squarely acknowledge and embrace this cost however, is indeed a high road which can lead us into a new and profound era of global prosperity, not just for the affluent peoples of the world, but also for so many who are now living in abject poverty. We must find resolve towards this high road, for in one way or another, global poverty as it presently exists, directly threatens the economic security of every first-world community.

This threat to our present security and seeming stability exists because everything we own is in some way tied, linked and connected to the destiny of every hungry child, man and woman throughout world. We are fools if we think our lives are lived in complete isolation from the “have-nots” of this world. The very forces of globalisation which have brought us all the wealth we now enjoy, are the same forces which threaten to destroy us if we cannot find a way to let go and invest the bulk of our wealth, towards redeeming the world’s impoverished. They are the ones who will first suffer from the follies of our material extravagances when the tides of natural calamity are finally unleashed upon the earth. But is also they who will rise up in judgment against us, against our folly and against our selfish squandering of God’s creation.

Third, if this high road is taken by the rich, the affluent, the wealthy and the materially secure of the world, then let them give their wealth— let them invest without reserve to the creation of radically new technologies which will now free us from all carbon-based fuel and energy sources. For if we do so, then also we may well usher in an era of technological innovation and scientific advancement not seen since the Renaissance.

And through the spirit of profound charity towards the world’s poor and economically oppressed, this 21st century Renaissance can be simultaneously parallel to the greatest spiritual awakening ever to cover the earth. What spiritual awakenings we have known in these past three centuries can well up into an even greater outpouring of the Holy Spirit upon all flesh. New gifts of the Spirit will be given. The earth shall be full of the glory of the Lord. Floods of emotions will well up from within the hearts of many when the Spirit is again poured out. What man had tried to achieve through all his managerial capacities, God will achieve in one day. Swords shall be laid down.

Fourth, is perhaps the most crucial part of the key to global prosperity. This fourth aspect specifically concerns the largest religious grouping of our world— the professing Christians of the world, of whom I also represent. Even more importantly, it is the spiritually regenerate Church of our Lord Jesus Christ, who should by the very Spirit of Christ, want to lead the way out of the coming destruction. It is most damaging and irresponsible for you who are professing Christians, to forsake this earth in your belief that it is hopelessly doomed and must be doomed to destruction. For until the day He calls you to Himself, and until the day He returns in coming glory, the land where you stand is the garden He has called you care for and to till and to nurture. He has not called you to exploit and destroy for your own gratification, but to care for and he has called you to care and look after all the animals of the forest, the birds of the air and the creatures in the sea. Over all these, He has made you steward and ambassador in His behalf.

Therefore, we can argue that on the global scale, the ecological meltdown that threatens our entire human existence is also to some dire extent, caused by wrong past ideologies, mindsets and doctrines held, propagated and practised by vast communities of Christians throughout the world, especially by first-world Christians. These doctrines are doctrines touching on matters towards wealth, consumerism, material possessions, creation, the material universe, and our human role on earth as God’s steward. Therefore, the fourth key implies that repentance must be begin with the household of God. As a matter of conscience, we must turn from our preferred eagerness to identify ourselves primarily with the rich of the world, rather than with the poor of the world. Or have you forgotten the word of our brother James, who was the Lord’s brother: “Come now, you rich people, weep and wail for the miseries that are coming to you. . . . Listen! The wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, cry out, and the cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts. You have lived on the earth in luxury and in pleasure; you have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter.”

But Nineveh believed God, and God repented of the judgment about the calamity He said He would bring upon them. And He refrained from doing so. Judgment does not yet have to come.

The Church can repent on behalf of the dying believers and confess their partaking in the sins of those outside the Church. Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare. “Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice. Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own kin?” But if you do not hide, then your light shall break forth like the dawn. Then you shall enjoy the wealth of the nations, and in their riches you shall glory. For the Lord loves justice, hates robbery and wrongdoing. Then you shall be called the repairer of the breach, and the restorer of streets to live in. Justice will roll down like waters. Righteousness like an ever flowing stream. You will drink from the brook beside the way, and you will lift up your head.

Robert Frank has been one of my favorite photographers since I was about 17 and after Ed van der Elsken probably one of my favorite artists of all time.  If anyone needs convincing that photography, especially documentary photography, can be one of the most powerful, long lasting art mediums his book The Americans should seal the deal.  I’d love more than anything to be able to get on a plane and have a little reunion with my favorite city and visit this exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Alas that isn’t going to happen in time, although I’ve already started a fund for a spring reunion with my favorite East Coast homies.  Grand total £60, it’s a start.

I’m feel like if I don’t get somewhere proper to live soon and be able to surround myself with MY stuff I might shrivel away.  I need my inspirations, my pictures, my art books, my life, I need it to be creative because that’s the only way I ever feel satisfied.

♥

What is it about this world that makes us want to accumulate more and more stuff? To put our faith in the things we can buy, collect, display, or store in closets and under stairs? To find it easier to be comforted by looking at our bank account balance than by studying the Word of God? We are all vulnerable to the overwhelming desire for “things” — for whatever reason, “things” provide feelings of comfort and security.

Jesus exposes the vulnerability of earthly possessions in Matthew 6:19-20:

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures upon earth,
where moth and rust destroy,
and where thieves break in and steal,
but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven,
whether neither moth nor rust destroys,
and where thieves do not break in or steal;
for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

What does this tell us? Our earthly possessions are completely vulnerable and our heavenly possessions are not. Vulnerable to what? In so many words, impermanence. Nothing in heaven is impermanent — you can be sure without a doubt that any treasure you lay up in heaven is permanent…eternal. These verses also tell us that it is our human nature for our heart to go with our possessions — what we have becomes very closely linked to who we are. Are you linked to your earthly possessions or your heavenly ones?

Jesus then turns to directly address the issue of anxiety in Matthew 6:25-31:

“For this reason I say to you, do not be anxious for your life,
as to what you shall eat, or what you shall drink;
nor for your body, as to what you shall put on.
Is not life more than food, and the body than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow,
neither do they reap, nor gather into barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not worth much more than they?
And which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to life’s span?
And why are you anxious about clothing?
Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,
yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory
did not clothe himself like one of these.
But if God so arrays the grass of the field,
which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace,
will He not much more do so for you, O men of little faith?
Do not be anxious then, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’
or ‘What shall we drink?’
or ‘With what shall we clothe ourselves?’”

In these current times, we are clearly vulnerable to anxiety about having our needs met (food, drink, clothing, our bodies). Yet God seems to be saying that we are the only earthly creatures who have anxiety about these things — the rest of nature does not work to earn and gather possessions as we do, but God provides for them and they don’t struggle with anxiety. God provides for us to a much greater degree than the rest of nature, but we continue to question Him. Do you ever ask yourself, “Will He actually provide? Don’t I need to make sure I’ve provided for myself and then I can trust in God to provide?”

Jesus gives us our answer in Matthew 6:32-34:

“For all these things the Gentiles eagerly seek;
for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness
and all these things shall be added to you.
Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow;
for tomorrow will care for itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

First notice the three references to “all these things” that I emphasized in italics — Jesus is referring to what He addressed in the previous verses — our needs. Food, drink, clothing, our bodies. We seek all these things, but God already knows that we need them. In fact, He is the one who knows most deeply and intimately what we truly need.

The amazing thing about this passage is that Jesus is telling us EXACTLY what we must do to finally free ourselves of the anxiety related to “having enough.” We must seek God first, even before we seek the things that we need. As one of the wise women in the Grace Chapel Women’s Bible study pointed out, God is our greatest need. By seeking Him first we have in essence found the One who will meet all of the needs that follow. The daily needs. The hourly needs. The moment by moment needs. He is at the heart of it all.

I’ve been cooped up much too much lately.  Much of last week and Monday this week I stayed home from work because of a bug that had me in regular and extended coughing fits.  And before I go any further – no – it’s not *that* bug.  I kept myself at home though mostly because of all the hype surrounding *that* bug and even though the doctor confirmed I don’t have it, the paranoia has internalized enough that I fear being accused of spreading *that* bug around.  So I stayed home lots and puttered around cleaning out drawers, closets and as shown below – the shameful bookshelves. 

The wretched cough – for fun, let’s call the bitch Clarice – loved especially to show up and latch on to me at times of stillness.  Which became the reason for the multiple housy projects, and me not resting like everyone thought I should.  Every time I laid down for a nap, Clarice would cosy up next to me.  My attention span is normally short, and it’s always been a challenge for me to finish projects.  But housebound, I had lots of extra time and extra motivation for sorting and cleaning and organizing.  However, if I settled on the floor to wipe off a pile of books, Clarice would show up before long, wanting to join in and I’d get up and attempt to walk her off and try to ignore her by focusing on something else.  Then, standing over the entire contents of my desk spread out on the kitchen table doing the old “sort and pitch,” there she’d be again, wrapping her cold clammy arms around my poor tired lungs. 

The project of the books was thus a pokey affair, and I must admit there is still the odd little pile waiting for its respective home.  But aside from the blasted Clarice, it was pleasant.  In many ways – you clean and organize your bookshelves – you re-live a life. 

My last post talked about the diversion leading to the box holding the first diary.  That box, still in the middle of my living room, harbours memory triggers from childhood through high school.  Photographs and schoolgirl notes and mementos and pictures cut from magazines and cards and beer bottle labels, (does anyone really know why we peeled those off anyway?), autographs and letters and even a cigarette stub.  I think it was my first.  I should have saved my last too – I could have framed them.  I even found a greenish blackish end from some ancient doobie.  (My guess is that I was marking some great party.  I don’t remember what party for the life of me, but let’s just say I’ve got proof that there was some party back then there in the seventies that was good enough to be honoured by way of this little wad of paper and ash saved for posterity.)

The bookshelves bring to life scores of internal snapshots.  Open a book from my shelves and you may find a drawing and letter from Kelsey to the Tooth Fairy requesting that she keep the lost tooth, her first.  Or a bookmark made for me for Christmas by Carly, which I used for a year when I was studying English Literature and would think of her whenever I used it, wondering what she might study someday.  These little captured moments – a note to mom, a little story – illuminate, unexpectedly, layers of those marvellous little girls that our stash of oft-looked photos can sometimes forget. 

Open another book and find a card sent by a supportive and loving sister during a trying time.  A time that can now, thankfully, be looked upon as one of the building blocks that created this current version of me.   

A wax-pressed leaf – held back from a bunch I sent across the ocean to a friend on a whim.  A poem about the joy of flight that Aunt Martha printed out for my girls just before they were to fly for the first time.  A cantankerous letter cut from the Windsor Star, written by me, questioning some political ridiculousness of the day. 

The books of the Ondaatje period.  The books of the Doyle period.  The books of the Creative Recovery period.  Books of letters.  Anthologies of memoir.  Books brought home from trips.  Books given to me as gifts.  Books that were my mother’s.  Books that once sat on the shelf of Kathleen Dinsmore, before she sold her cottage and all the things in it to my father at the end of her life.  Books stuffed with post-it notes and notes written in the margins conveying some new wonder and passion discovered therein.

The married years.  The little girls in the house years.  The university years.  The possibility years…

The Secret Garden.  The Norton Anthology of Friendship.  Technopoly.  How Green Was My Valley.  Green Eggs and Ham.  The Grapes of Wrath.  The Bat Poet.  The Prophet.

As far as being cooped up goes, it’s been a good cooped up.  But I’ve had enough.  This weekend I’m seizing the opportunity to piggyback on my sister’s work weekend in Montreal and staying with her there.  This cooped up gal is counting the hours til she can roam the streets of one of her favourite cities.  I expect she may come home with a new book for her clean and tidy shelves.

Annie is home from school today, she had a bad cough yesterday and this morning but it has settled down by this afternoon and she moved from sick and happy to play quietly to bored and aggravating.

So I gave her two options
1. do your speech therapy homework
2. clean out your bedroom.

Guess which she chose?

Yes that is all of Annie’s belongings from her bedroom tipped out on my loungeroom floor.

Now Annie had helped me do the same thing to Heidi’s room earlier in the week so she had a fair idea what was about to happen. Toys were going to be sorted and culled, so were books and clothing.

Things were complicated by Annie’s tendency to hoard everything and anything, from empty wrappers saved for the precious barcode to old boxes holding a single piece of paper which embodies some precious memory, everything is kept. I tried to involve Annie in the sorting and culling process but she keeps wandering off, I’ve gotten to the stage now where I am just ruthlessly going through and doing it by myself. If nothing else Annie will learn that when Mummy says it is time to clean your room you damn well better be involved if you care about the end result.

And as friends who I have helped move house will attest, I am ruthless when it comes to cleaning, sorting and culling. Annie should know this by know as each year we do a big clean out and cull of our toys just before the madness of Christmas sees and influx of new toys.

Things I have noticed from cleaning Annie’s room, so far I have filled double the amount of rubbish bags that I did with Heidi’s room and I’m still only half way through. However I’m giving away far less of Annie’s clothing, toys and books because they can all be handed on to Heidi.

It was back in May that we turned our study into a bedroom for Annie and my husband, who it must be noted is a hoarder also, said he would finish cleaning out the wardrobe another day. That day never happened, so now I am cleaning all his things out and he will learn the same lesson as Annie is learning, if you leave it to me, I am ruthless.

I’ve also found dead (thankfully) cockroaches in Annie’s room. Something I did not find at all in Heidi’s room. I think this may relate to Annie’s hoarding of food wrappers.

And in good news we found her iPod which has been missing these many months. It was stuck between her wardrobe doors and could only be seen if you stood inside the empty wardrobe and closed the doors. So that will hopefully be a silver lining to the shock of mummy’s ruthless culling of stuff from the bedroom.

Now does anyone have some spare underbed storage boxes I could steal? Or does anyone want some pre-loved cloth pullups?

Box of Books by Francis Bourgoin

Today I gave away five boxes of what, up until recently, I would have considered my most valuable possession-books.  I packed them up and took them down to the County Library and donated them for their upcoming book sale fundraiser. These were not superfluous books.  They were not books that were not any good, or that I had never really wanted and never read.  Those books I had gotten rid of long ago. These were books I had read, thoroughly enjoyed, and in some ways treasured.  I had held onto and possessed these books for a long time. I did not really use them or reread them.  Still, I held on to them for some unknown reason.

Giving them away was not an exercise in cleaning out my office or philanthropy.  I  had to force myself to do this. I really did not want to.  But, what I do want to do is to learn how to live a life free from attachments. It is the attachments of my life that have almost destroyed me.  I am not really talking about books so much.  That is a relatively minor attachment.  I am really speaking about my attachment to self, to my ambition, to my desire to be thought well of and respected, and above all my attachment to success. But, before I can learn to live free of those attachments I must learn to let go of the smaller ones. Unfortunately, as I have discovered, if you really want to discover what detachment is all about eventually you have to let go of something. So, I began by forcing myself to give away something I really like and wanted to keep.  It was only five boxes of books, but it was a start. Interestingly, after I left the library the feeling I had was not one of euphoria or spiritual ecstasy at this great achievement.  I felt somewhat remorseful and regretful.  It was kind of like dropping a child off at an orphanage.  It was not a good feeling. That tells me I have a long way to go.

I have become convinced that speaking about detachment, and understanding it in theory and as a concept, is interesting.  But, unless we are prepared to start letting some things go, then we will never experience a life free from the attachments that so consume our lives. I believe that the life of the Spirit will only open up to us after we first free ourselves of the attachments that tie us down and distract us from the way of the Spirit.  This way cannot be learned, understood or conveyed in books, lectures or any sort of intellectual discipline.  It can only be experienced.  Of course, if we want to experience something sooner or later we have to to stop thinking and talking about it.  We have to place ourselves in a position to begin having the experience. So, I am trying to lean what it is like to do without, to let go of the things I hold on to, and to experience life without all the attachments.  The spiritual guides say it is best to start living such a life slowly.  I will try to follow their advice, a few boxes at a time.

Pax Vobis