I was listening to NPR over my lunch break today and they were interviewing residents of the outlying Boston area. One woman commented on the conversations they were having over loved ones who were in the area of the bomb at one point, and were replaced by others as the runners they were waiting for crossed the finish line.

They keep talking between the “Why’s” and the “Thank God’s”.

Evil has no care over who it hurts as much as it depersonalizes the victims. It has a point to get out, by any means necessary. There just seems no sense to it at times, if ever. People become targets, or collateral. And the innocents are left with so many questions, because we cannot get past what has happened to us or to the ones we care for. We cannot fathom why anyone would want to hurt us or the people we care about specifically.

But while evil looks to destroy a human or humanity, God seeks to restore humanity. While evil does not care who is in its way, we’re told that we are worth more than the sparrows and the lily of the fields.

Groping for answers as to the “why’s” only points to the senselessness of the actions. Answering with the “Thank God’s” does not answer the questions, nor does it alleviate the pain. But at least you know you’re cared for.

We’re on our second “assignment” now and she will be with us for the next month. She started with us on a Friday evening in a whirl of activity that only trumpeted a weekend of moving all around the greater Harrisburg area. Sunday night was the first night we had the time to actually sit down and get to bed a decent time. Her home life is far from structured, and while ours is not ironclad we strive for an 8pm bedtime. As I read The Voyage of the Dawn Treader to the girls, she whimpered herself to sleep. We had talked and prayed, and there was really nothing more that could be done except just let her calm down.

You can’t blame her. She doesn’t know us, our house is unfamiliar, she’s out of her neighborhood completely. She’s been thrown into a world that is completely unlike hers. This is good and its scary, like the peak of a roller coaster.

She explained to me yesterday as I drove her home from school how the man that shares their house has tried to kill himself with a knife. She’s walked in on him twice as he cut at his arms, or made slashing movements with a knife to his throat. She’s with us until her mum can find a new place to live or he moves out. Bt she doesn’t grasp this. She fears the permanence of not being with her mom. The guy doesn’t bother her, she says. He’s as much a part of her life as the other people who also share the house, or her walk to school. She sees no threat, except us. We’re the foreign element no matter how much we express our care for her. We’re not her parents.

What to do?

Part of the goal of this ministry is that we have the opportunity to form relationships with the families of those we care for, to continue our care after our “time” is up. This is touch and go, because we can only pursue so far. It’s ultimately their decision how much we’re allowed to have a relationship with them afterwards. And we understand that. It’s just not easy.

I also don’t ever want to believe that I could care for these children more than their own families could. We are temporary, mean to relieve a stress, not to take the place of.

When all you’ve done is train and want to finish a race, you realize the importance of crossing that goal. It becomes a point in your life that you don’t forget. It is a point of relief, an exhale into a smile, and the want for rest.

I’m praying for Boston, and all the families affected by this violent act against human accomplishment and joy.

To know love, like anything, we must become acquainted with it. Take time and rest it. Love is always a relationship, and to love always expresses something beyond the individual. To love one’s self exclusively is to know pride. To extend one’s self to others is to know community and a portion of Heaven.

“Father of the fatherless and protector of widows
is God in his holy habitation.” – Psalm 68:5

It’s amazing and so comforting to hear the names of God. It is by His name we are saved, and it is by his name we know who he is. He is a God who saves. He is a God who wants to be known as “father of the fatherless and protector of the widows”. So comforting and so reassuring.

He is not a God who only hears those who can pay to get Hs attention. He is concerned for those who cannot care for themselves. He is concerned with those who recognize their need and seek help.

So, ask. Seek. Knock. Don’t stop.

There when I came, whom found I but my deare,
My dearest Lord, expecting till the grief
Of pleasures brought me to him, readie there
To be all passengers most sweet relief?

O Thou, whose glorious, yet contracted light,
Wrapt in nights mantle, stole into a manger;
Since my dark soul and brutish is thy right,
To Man of all beasts be not thou a stranger:

Furnish & deck my soul, that thou mayst have
A better lodging then a rack or grave.

Herein is wonder of wonders:
He came below to raise me above,
He was born like me that I might become like Him.

Herein is love;
when I cannot rise to Him He draws near on wings of grace,
to raise me to Himself.

Herein is power;
when Deity and humanity were infinitely apart
He united them in indissoluble unity, the uncreated and the created.

Herein is wisdom;
when I was undone, with no will to return to Him,
and no intellect to devise recovery,
He came, God-incarnate, to save me to the uttermost,
as man to die my death,
to shed satisfying blood on my behalf,
to work out a perfect righteousness for me.

O God, take me in spirit to the watchful shepherds,
and enlarge my mind;
let me hear good tidings of great joy,
and hearing, believe, rejoice, praise, adore,
my conscience bathed in an ocean of repose,
my eyes uplifted to a reconciled Father,
place me with ox, ass, camel, goat,
to look with them upon my Redeemer’s face,
and in Him account myself delivered from sin;
let me with Simeon clasp the new-born Child to my heart,
embrace Him with undying faith,
exulting that He is mine and I am His.

In Him Thou hast given me so much that heaven can give no more.

Arthur Bennett, ed. Valley of Vision (Carlisle, PA: Banner of Truth Trust, 1975), 16.

What confidence I have is in that my God accomplishes all that He has for Himself and for His glory. His intention for me is to know Him and His Savior, and in acknowledging my need for Him, He supplies His Sprit that I may be kept and found.

My acknowledgment is daily, no hourly. With every breath I say my need for Him, and He answers by supplying my new breath. The air is thick with His providence. And my breath is full of praise.

And Moses said to Hobab the son of Reuel the Midianite, Moses’ father-in-law, “We are setting out for the place of which the Lord said, ‘I will give it to you.’ Come with us, and we will do good to you, for the Lord has promised good to Israel.” But he said to him, “I will not go. I will depart to my own land and to my kindred.” And he said, “Please do not leave us, for you know where we should camp in the wilderness, and you will serve as eyes for us. And if you do go with us, whatever good the Lord will do to us, the same will we do to you.” (Numbers 10:29-32 ESV)

The church is welcome to all because it benefits all as Christ died for all.

All are welcome to the church because each brings something that can benefit the called community.

I want boast more in The Lord. I am glad to be accounted among the weak and foolish. I want to boast more of my Savior’s love for us. I want to boast more in The Lord.

The more I boast I can only be made aware of my own deficiencies, my need for Christ.

I want to hate my sin more.

We all lost something today.

Please continue to pray for those left behind.

Please continue to pray for those who changed their life and heard a call to do something because of what occurred 11 years ago today.

This post is part of a blog project on leadership being done through Evangelical Seminary. You can check out more great posts here: Evangelical!

One of my sisters went to college in rural New York state. There were cows everywhere. And at five o’clock every day you could see the long line of cows as they automatically headed towards the barn. You could set your watch by it. They moved as a unit, heads down, with that hip shifting waddle dairy cows have. They knew what to do at the right time. And they just did it because they knew that if they just showed up they would be taken care of.

As a leader, you are going to lead others in public to what you’ve been doing quietly.

Saul was a reluctant leader. It appears that he was in the right place at the right time, and he was the right height, standing head and shoulders above the crowd. He shied away at first, with a “but I’m from the smallest family of the smallest clan of the smallest tribe…”. He only went to Samuel, “the man of God”, as a means to the end: he had to find his father’s mules (1Sam 9:10). And he never supersedes from this position. As a leader he is only a guy using the people around him to gather his own greatness. It’s his undoing.
When the last straw falls, Samuel finds Saul surrounded by the bleating of sheep and cows that were supposed to have fallen silent by the sword. Saul was given command and control of the entire nation, and he was afraid of losing it. After pointing out the extent to which he had followed God’s command, and realizing it wasn’t far enough, Saul says, “I was afraid of the men so I gave into them” (1 Sam 15:24 TNIV). This fear lurks in the heart of anyone in control. As leaders, we are judged, it would seem, not by how we lead but by how many. We’re asked to keep record of attendees each service. How many conversions? How many baptisms? How many have signed up for that class? You can’t be an effective leader unless you have a throng clamoring for your attention.
And yet, it turns out, for Saul and for us, it isn’t what we’re doing up front that matters. It matters what we’re doing behind closed doors to prepare ourselves for the battlefield. Right on the heels of Saul showing off the plunder he caught, Samuel replies:
“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”

In the Kingdom, effective leadership is never judged outside of obedience.

“Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist (John 13:4 TNIV).” And with that movement, Jesus displays the grandeur of a leader. He was not concerned with what his followers thought of him. His focus was that they would follow him, do what he did. He was concerned that they would recognize the one whom he served, God the Father. He was concerned that when the time came when he wouldn’t be physically with them, that they would care more about obedience than with the cry of the crowds.
And how can the leader really obey unless she is in the practice of obeying away from the crowd? A leader can be someone who is found in the right place at the right time, and will be noticed for their very present skill (or height) when the circumstances arise for it. But the effective leader is someone that has been preparing for awhile to be no more than obedient to the quiet call on their life. They’re only looking for the approval of the one who will one day say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
I can only do this by training my eyes on the One who leads me. You become like the one you focus on. I need to spend time with Him. This works out in my life in the amount of time I spend reading about him in his Word. I’m not just learning about how to be a Christian, I learning about Jesus, who he is and what he’s done and what’s doing. I learn his heart. Knowing who he is and what his focus is, I become like him. My heart reflects his.
And when that time comes, that five o’clock somewhere, I may be called to do something and lead a group of people, or one person, to where I know I’ve been treated well before. And, really, I’ll be doing nothing more than doing in public what I’ve just been doing quietly for so long.

As a leader, you are going to lead others in public to what you’ve been doing quietly.

This post is part of a blog project on leadership being done through Evangelical Seminary. You can check out more great posts here: Evangelical!

Over the weekend, we said good bye to summer. This caused a little confusion for Lily as to what season it really is now. “Is it fall now?” she asked. And then Claire wanted to know why it was Spring in Australia. I digress.

We said good bye to fall in the typical American fashion of the BBQ. We invited some friends over and I turned my gas grill into a charcoal one and we had over done burgers and under done sausages. I’ve never charcoaled before.

This past weekend is when we’re supposed to celebrate the hope and fact that we are all, gainfully or otherwise, employed. But like most holidays it has taken on another nature and it’s true design is mostly forgotten.

I’m not sure what I think about my job. I get frustrated that it is not my ideal job. I come, I work, but it’s not what I feel called to do. What I feel called to do looks like its hiding in the corners, making my life look busy, because it fills my time outside of my job. That’s what busy looks like, all that stuff outside of the stuff you are supposed to do. But I do not want to give the impression that I am not thankful for what I know God has provided so I can care for my family, because I am not too busy to recognize His providence.

Being thankful is beyond being content. It’s recognizing who is in charge, who is providing. And I have a job. A year ago I had none and I was worried. A year ago I questioned everything about who I was and what I knew God had called me to be. I had no clue what was going on and why things were the way they were. But what a difference a year makes!

He is good. And if I’m not busy in His work, then I cannot rest.

On my morning drive today, I listened to a Fire History professor from the University of Arizona talk about the history of fires in the southwest. He knows about these things because he studies tree rings. He can tell what the scars in a tree ring look like and what put them there. He loves trees.

This was a topic because NPR was doing a story on the severity of the recent fires in the West. According to the professor, the number one reason for the fires was humanity trying to stop the fires. He said that one of the reasons for the national park system was to put a stop to these fires so that they couldn’t damage the landscape or put humans at risk. But in doing so, man created a tinderbox that wasn’t regulated well enough. So now when a fire comes, we’re generally unprepared for the severity of the occurrence.

He said, “People need to accept fires.”

This is so counter us. We hate fires, events or items in our life that are barely contained and threaten to suck the air out of a room. We can start them, and we love the benefits as long as we maintain control. As long as we maintain control. Us in control. That’s the best most comfortable place.

But that is the height of our own disaster, us in control. The actual best place for us to be is as a servant first to God and then to each other. Us out of control, and not trying to control others. God will send fires in our lives to prune us, so that we can survive other fires. Without these things, we are setting ourselves up for a disaster.

Don’t be safe. Let Him prune by the means He knows best.

Belief is such an important role in obedience. It is the stalwart grace through feast and famine. It is both fire and cloud. It is what starts the journey and what sustains it. It is the hearty gladness at the rain, and the horror of watching the effects of disobedience.

It could be easy to set your eyes on those who make poor choices and wait for God to rain down fire. But it’s harder to stay and to mourn. When the watch comes, who are you? Are you the kind to reflect the malice and hard heartedness that rolls so easy? Or, do you choose the heart that as it walked through the city that had condemned it mourned for its future destruction?

“The old is gone, the new is come! What You complete is completely done!”

You have those moments on cloud nine that seem so fleeting that you reckon for their return. You can call them what they are, and there are several parts of one’s life that can usher them in: the honeymoon period, the new raise, etc.

This is where I’m at. Things are going well and looking up. Heather and I are moving to a more permanent house, I have a job, I’m being asked for my resume, I just got accepted as a Chaplain in the USAR. The girls are healthy. Everything is going well.

And yet, this the most precarious period of one’s life. The slightest comment from someone can bring the cloud down. The slightest misstep of your own can bring the rain. Because there are critics. And your greatest enemy can be yourself.

It was someone else, someone I don’t really know, on a comment thread I was on in Facebook that I read about myself. I don’t know if it was even meant for me, but I know this person. He’s a critic. So I read it as I read it, while I just sang an amazing song, a song that is always so encouraging, and I was immediately deflated.

Why would I let the critic steal my joy? Why would I let him paint a picture of me that God has been showing me to be false about myself?

Scars of the past year surface, and the wounds can still feel as fresh as I go trough the calendar year. No matter how great things are going, great blessings from my Father, I’m not home yet. Critics abound, and the enemy moves like a lion. I am the chief of all sinners.

And I am reminded where my true joy lies: “I have overcome the world (John 16:33)”. No matter how high my cloud is, there is nothing that can truly satisfy and bring peace outside of Christ. Critics will come, but I have a comfort beyond my comprehension. If all I have is Christ, than what has the critic stolen but fleeting confidence?

Holidays make things interesting.  Well, I should rephrase: Holidays that are Christian and overtly religious make things interesting.  Add Ash Wednesday/Lent to the whole thing.  I can tell automatically who you are by what you call Shrove Tuesday, by what you eat on that day, and by whether or not you call it “a Catholic thing”.

What I really find interesting is the shift in moods that occurs when Lent come around.  Voices take a softer edge as they talk about what they’re giving up.  They want others to know what they’re giving up.  Things get hushed as it’s revealed, and there’s a sigh and an “I understand”.  It’s almost a time of confession because they are giving up something they know they indulge in.  It becomes a sacred moment… but the reasons seem to be mostly for health.  What’s given up is fast food, or chocolate, or soda.  All good things to give up if its what you struggle with, but do these things get to the heart of the matter?

I love the prayer I posted yesterday because it gets to a deep truth: we need to keep eternity in our minds at all times, and not just as a fleeting moment brought on by the circumstances or places we find ourselves in.  To look for Christ and in His goodness only once a week robs Him of His true identity as Sovereign; to only look for God when we need a hand is to rob ourselves of he joy of getting to know the One who Creates and Redeems.  It really calls us to question who we are.  We cannot claim to live in a Kingdom with a King only when it is convenient or when we are aware.  We could never do it in our day-to-day nationalities, so how can we think we can do it in our faith?

Instead, let me redefine, or at least give a new look at Lent.  Lent is 40 days to prepare us to carry our cross the other 325 days.  Lent should be a time of garnering new habits so that we can be better servants of God and of each other.  It just started, so no fear about getting it wrong.  Lent should be a time for us to gather in community to support each other in our weakness, and to learn about each other so we can help and pray for each other the other 325 days of the year.

So in the hushed talk between cubicles about Lenten activities with your coworkers, or maybe it comes up over the fence with your neighbor, see these conversations as they are: a sacred dialogue where your friend/coworker/relative is sharing their weakness with you.  Support them, help them, pray for them.  And check back.

Even if you don’t think they’re taking this season as seriously as you do, show them by your care how seriously you take them.

Thy goodness is inexpressible and inconceivable.

In the works of creation thou art almighty,

In the dispensations of providence all-wise,

In the gospel of grace all love,

And in thy Son thou hast provided for

our deliverance from the effects of sin,

the justification of our persons,

the sanctification of our natures,

the perseverance of our souls in the path of life.

Though exposed to the terrors of thy law,

we have a refuge from the storm;

Though compelled to cry, ‘Unclean’,

we have a fountain for sin;

Though creature-cells of emptiness

we have a fullness accessible to all,

and incapable of reduction.

Grant us always to know that to walk with Jesus

makes other interests a shadow and a dream.

Keep us from intermittent attention

to eternal things;

Save us from the delusion of those

who fail to go far in religion,

who are concerned but not converted,

who have another heart but not a new one,

who have light, zeal, confidence, but not Christ.

Let us judge our Christianity,

not only by our dependence upon Jesus,

but by our love to him,

our conformity to him,

our knowledge of him.

Give us a religion that is both real

and progressive,

that holds on its way and grows stronger,

that lives and works in the Spirit,

that profits by every correction,

and is injured by no carnal indulgence.

~

Fourth day morning: True Christianity

, The Valley of Vision

Sero te amavi,
pulchritudo tam antiqua et tam nova,
Sero te amavi.

Et ecce intus eras
et ego foris,
et ibi te quaerebam,
et in ista formosa quae fecisti
deformis inruebam.

Mecum eras
et tecum non eram.

Ea me tenebant longe a te
quae si in te non essent
non essent

Vocasti et clamasti et rupisti
surditatem meam;
coruscasti, splenduisti, et fugasti
caecitatem meam;

fragrasti,
et duxi spiritum et anhelo tibi;
gustavi
et esurio et sitio;
tetigisti me,
et exarsi in pacem tuam

Blessed Lord,
Let me climb up near to thee,
And love, and long, and plead, and wrestle with thee, and plant for deliverance from the body of sin,
For my heart is wandering and lifeless, and my soul mourns to think it should ever lose sight of its Beloved.”

~ Valley of Vision

We sang a song in church this past week, an old song made new with new accompaniment. Such a great song, with words that may led me once again to the mercy and grace of God through Christ. I ncluded the lyrics below and invite you to read through it and to meditate on it.

Now Why This Fear

Music, words, and alt. words by Doug Plank
Orig. verses by Augustus Toplady (1772)

Verse 1
Now why this fear and unbelief
has not the Father put to grief
His spotless Son for us
and will the righteous Judge of men
condemn me for that debt of sin
now cancelled at the cross

Chorus
Jesus all my trust
is in Your blood
Jesus You’ve rescued us
through Your great love.

Verse 2
Complete atonement You have made
and by Your death have fully paid
the debt Your people owed
no wrath remains for us to face
we’re sheltered by Your saving grace
and sprinkled with Your blood

Verse 3
Be still my soul and know this peace
the merits of Your great High Priest
have bought your liberty
rely then on His precious blood
don’t fear your banishment from God
since Jesus set you free

Bridge
How sweet the sound of saving grace
how sweet the sound of saving grace
Christ died for me.
how sweet the sound of saving grace
how sweet the sound of saving grace
Christ died for me.

But what can make such things sweeter?  When you know that not only are you thougth of, you are being cared for.

Heather and I have had a year, a year I will not judge in whole as yet because the ball has not yet dropped over Times Square.  We’ve been through the wringer a couple of times, and we have been reminded of the grace and mercy and love of the Almighty, along with His provision.    But I am always relieved and a little shocked by the care and love and mercy of those whom He has called to be His own.  Relieved because it always comes when we need it, even if we were not aware of it, and shocked because I never expect it.    We have found comfort and care in the hands of these beloveds, and I am thankful for them. 

We received an anonymous gift at a timely place, surrounded by updates, family newsletters, and baby Jesus’ covered in glitter.  I do not make a guess to who it is, but if they read this, Thank-you.  You’ll never know what you’ve done for us, and how you’ve been as an agent for Him to encourage.  I have always felt cared for by Devonshire Church, and I pray that I can be the model and leader and encouragement to others as God would have me be, seeing as how I cannot provide much financially. 

Thank-you, whom ever you are.