Hi again. It’s become clear we are incapable of keeping a nightly schedule right now. It should have also become clear we’re capable of telling you via various methods when we DO update. I’ll go over those ways. If you’re here from a forum, we probably let you know there. If you want to be more proactive, there’s an RSS feed as well as clicking on the link to the right, which will let you subscribe to our Facebook updates.  Easy as the chocolate pie I still haven’t made! I’m out of vanilla, you see.  But it’ll be real easy to make once I get some!

Twilight, Chapter 17: In which Edward Catches, and We Both Make Jokes About That.

Step right up, step right up! All your latest Summary! Can’t tell the players without a summary!

“It was just beginning to drizzle”, which, of course, is Snoop Dogg’s favorite weather.

Thus begins Chapter 17, The Game.

So, instead of baseball, we get some lame crap.

Apparently our native friends have shown up to warn Charlie-Dad-Chief about Edward. Considerate of them, says I. Terrible, says Edward. Unsurprisingly, Bella agrees with Edward.

Bella: Let me deal with this.

Edward: Ok.

Bella: I was surprised, because Edward was letting me DO something. Besides the dishes! He’s so thoughtful!

Edward: Yeah, but “the child has no idea.”

Bella: Hey, Jacob’s not much younger than me!

Edward: Don’t I know it. I looooove children.

Ewwwwww. Edward, maybe when you meet Chief Charlie Dad you can go ahead and register your address with him.

Bella: Want to borrow my truck?

Edward: Your truck BLOWS. Your kindness means nothing to me, wench.

Billy: I hate your boyfriend. He’s got a bad rep around the reservation.

Bella: Yeah, well, it can’t be true, because he has never been there! Look how I have caught you out in my logic!

Bellakins, John Wayne Gacy has never set his scary foot in my apartment, but he’s got a pretty bad rep around the place. For that matter, so does Stephenie Meyer. 0% approval in all districts from Bathroom to Kitchen.

Bella: And besides, it’s none of your dang business, old wheelchair man. This is just how I roll.  How you roll is literally!  OH!

Billy: Don’t get all sexy-time with a vampire, moron.

Bella: I do what I want!

Billy: Fine, whatever.

-later-

Bella: Trying on different tops, tra la la la… Oh hi, readers! I didn’t see you there! Allow me to describe my minute-by-minute getting-ready routine!

Phone: Ring.

Bella: OMG, I hope it’s Edward! It totally won’t be though. It’ll be someone lame.

Jessica-on-the-phone: Sup!

Bella: O! It is just my fortune that it would be the person in this tale who is designed to be lame!

And lo, Jessica did speak, and did tell Bella all about her minute-by-minute affairs, which did annoy Bella to no end.

Bella: I am annoyed to no end!

And Bella did ignore Jessica. Jessica told Bella of the magic of courtship and of the progression of the same. And Bella did continue to ignore Jessica. And lo, the reader was bored.

Reader: By my troth, I am bored!

-later, at dinner-

Bella: So I went to the Cullens joint today and he’s totally my boyfriend and he’s so awesome!

“It appeared that Charlie was having an aneurysm.”
We agree, sir.

After clearing up a hi-larious misunderstanding over which Cullen Charlie thinks that Bella’s schtupping, Charlie asks THREE questions: Is he your boyfriend, when’s he coming over, and where are you going.

Bella: GOD you’re so ANNOYING. WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE!

Will Smith and Me: Parents just don’t understand, huh, Bella?

Edward: Sup. Hi, Chief Swan.

Charlie: Call me Charlie. And why don’t you have a seat over there?

I guess Charlie is taking a page from the Nightline playbook, which as we saw, is ENTIRELY APPROPRIATE for Edward.

Then they take a car straight out of Mad Max through the woods to the baseball game.

Bella: This is sure a big… Jeep… you have.

Edward: The better to… you with!

Bella: Didn’t catch that. Musta been the wind.

Edward: Drive you to the baseball game, I said.

Bella: Dammit.

-later-

Bella: I don’t like when we run.

Edward: “It seems I’m going to have to tamper with your memory.”

Superfriends writers: Anyone got Doritos? Coming up with new super powers gives me the munchies.  Maybe it’s the weed though, I dunno.

And how, pray tell, does he tamper with her memory?

Edward: I breathe in your face!

Is this a joke? I guess it might be? I’m utterly lost, aside from being pretty creeped out.

Bella: Is it sexy time now?

Edward: Hell no!

… I’m still completely lost. Can anyone help me out? I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore.

So they eventually get to the baseball place.

Bella: “‘Oh!’ I huffed,” gold spray paint all over my mouth.

Blah blah, not mad at you, I’m mad at myself, I’ll never hit you again, you know I love you baby.

Esme: Sup. I’m the referee.

They’re called umpires in baseball, but, you know… that’s ok.

Esme: “You’d think they were raised by a pack of wolves!” Ahahahah! It’s racist, cause the wolves are natives!

Bella: “You sound like my mom.” Who is also racist, ex aequali.

Esme: I lost a child once, so I jumped off a cliff, she factly said matter-of-factly. Wow, you’re totally over this whole thing, huh? And it’s natural to share this with people you’ve just met?

Bella: You don’t mind that I’m with Edward?

Esme: No, you’re what he wants. Edward always gets what he wants.

So then the vampys play baseball, with an aluminum bat. And this is… so it sounds like thunder? Has Stephenie Meyer ever heard an aluminum bat? They go “ping!” Just like thunder does.

Edward: Sprints to Bella’s side, “sparkling with excitement.” What? He sparkles with excitement now? Between the not being interested in the sexytime and the sparkling, I think Bella might be *ahem* barking up the wrong tree. So to speak. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Suddenly, some other vampires!

Esme: Alice, aren’t you supposed to see this sort of thing?

Alice: Yeah, I pretty much only do weather.

Carlisle: Can you make it out of here?

Edward: Not carrying ol’ Deadweight Swan here.

Bella: Are you…

Edward: Callin’ you fat, babes, yeah.

Emmett: How many of these guys are there, anyway?

Alice: Three, or maybe it’ll turn out to be twelve or something.

Emmett: No sweat, I’ll kick ‘em in their vampire junk.

All the vampires stare at Carlisle with “anxious eyes.” It’s official: when you’re a vampire your eyes gain their very own emotions!

Then Esme’s lips vibrate and Edward tells her to catch. Hellllo Oedipus.

Then they all bunt, because apparently they can’t run fast anymore or something.

What a bunch of lame vampires. They’re not even bad-ass in the face of adversity.

Criticism here! Getchyer fresh hot Criticism!  Is it scathing? Why good sir, it’s the MOST scathing!

Chapter 17 The Game Dear Readers, I find it disturbing that you apparently hate our sanity. It is perhaps some petty vengeance wreaked by the universe. Ah, well. C’est la vie. Also, sorry about the wait.

Page 165 There are 70 pages left to go. With what a normal author would use to develop a relationship and establish characters, we have done approximately nothing. We’ve established this is a spontaneous twu-wuv relationship, revealed most of the secrets of the vampires and werewolves (by having people just say them! How intriguing), and told via Cliffs Notes a way better story than the one at hand. I don’t know why two chapters are sufficient to cover some 300 years of personal history, but we can’t get through identical schooldays without repeating the same actions twice in a single chapter. You don’t waste this much paper in a ticker-tape parade.

“Edward’s low voice was furious. ‘This is crossing the line.’” A man in a wheelchair sitting on your porch? I ought to cripple that cripple! Is that old man trying to warn your father you’re dating a blood-sucking beast!? What an interfering asshole! (By the way, babes, I’m dangerous, but don’t let anyone else tell you that or I’ll break their kneecaps. He’s just lucky he’s not using his).’ Edward is a douche.

“‘The child has no idea.’ … ‘Jacob is not much younger than I am’ … ‘Oh, I know.’” Super-vampire pedophilia? Or maybe this feature didn’t get super-powered. So Edward is just a pedophile.

Page 166

“My voice was almost rude.” This is like saying Bella is ‘almost’ incompetent. Sadly insufficient.

Bella’s humoring of her father doesn’t extend to his guests, where she repeatedly refers to him as ‘Charlie’ instead of ‘Dad’, perhaps because other people’s thoughts and opinions and general existence do not matter to her.

“‘Charlie is one of my best friends,” says Billy. Will the fact that they had a huge spat over the Cullens and his opinion thereof come up? No! Because that would be Character Development! Such realism might interrupt our consistent drooling fantasy and force us into putting -work- into this book! We certainly couldn’t have that.

Page 167

“I stared him down, ‘Maybe even better informed than you are.’” Yeah, Bella. You face down the dude in the wheelchair, who is a werewolf (k,thx, plot), and tell him all that you know about the supernatural, via osmosis from your constant frotting with Edward, and the tendency for supernatural beings to let loose wild vomits of presumably secret information to you, because you are so harmless, like a bar of Ivory soap. Grrrr, Bella smash!

“He pursed his thick lips…” which were perhaps a native feature, though I don’t know, we could just be racist, too.

“‘Is Charlie as well informed?’ He had found a weak chink in my armor.” Well, seems we are racist. (but seriously, what armor? The best you were doing before was waspishly hinting that he should roll on down the road [which would be literal, you insensitive harlot]. Being a rude asshole hardly counts as having invulnerable conversational armor, though it helps me out a lot, personally).

My God, I hope Eric summarized this piece of shit conversation for us all. It seems to end with, ‘It’s not really my business, but maybe you should tell Charlie.’ ‘Well, if it’s Charlie’s business, then it’s my business, which means it none of your business, and it might not be any of Charlie’s business, and I don’t have to anything businessly.’ ‘Hmmmmmokay. Be safe, kiddo.’ WTF?

“I wondered if he even understood my confused question as I struggled not to say anything compromising.” What do you mean ’say anything compromising’? Unless Billy is the sort of slow-witted that makes him think that your heavily weighted insistence of your own superior knowledge of the situation meant something other than ‘I know I’m dating a blood-sucking vampire who may kill me [and talks about doing so an awful lot],’ you have both essentially admitted to being aware of the situation, in its entirety. There is no reasonable way to explain why Billy would be letting your dopey ass off the hook without such a knowledge, anyway (not that it’s terrifically reasonable he’s doing so now, don’t get me wrong. This is still weak like the knees of Victorian lady when in the presence of severe masculinity).

“He frowned, ‘What I meant to say was don’t do what you’re doing.’” Hooray! wise choice, Billy; if there’s anything we’ve learned, it’s that Bella Doesn’t Get It, So Use Small Words. Not that she will listen, but at least I can take solace in the face that he’s out there, somewhere, making sense.

I’m skipping the rest of the page as it is irrelevantly bad.

Page 168

“Needing no more invitation than that, she launched into a minute-by-minute account of the previous night.” Gee, Jessica, can’t you see we’re all busy with Bella’s minute-by-minute account of her changing clothes? Why are you telling us about a stupid DANCE!? (Oh, wait, you’re not, because Jessica exists to reveal the Cullens and then repeatedly show up in order to be ridiculed for having a normal life. HOW DARE SHE, WHAT A BITCH).

“It appeared that Charlie was having an aneurysm.” Woohoo! Maybe one day we, too, could be freed from this Hell!

Page 169

Charlie is reasonably accepting of this fact (other than freaking out because he thought she was talking about Emmett, I think: “I don’t like the look of that big one.”), seems pleased Edward is coming over, doesn’t reprimand her for having spent the day outside of town at the Cullens’ place, and offers to clean the dishes so that she won’t think she has to clean them hurriedly as Edward arrives. He allows Edward to call him by his given name, takes his jacket, and offers him a seat.
…

Page 170

…Charlie encourages the evening’s activities, gets a promise for her safety out of Edward, and rather than curfewing Bella, simply asks her not to stay out too late. Meanwhile, Bella bitches about Charlie offering Edward a seat. Edward makes Bella sit by her father on the couch, what a cad! She suspects Edward of having eavesdropped on Charlie’s thoughts when he seems surprised that Charlie knows about the baseball game. She groans when he requests she be safe. In other words, in an entirely polite, unreasonably civil set of events, Bella can’t even stand being happy or observant or at the barest minimum diplomatic for any section of the whopping ten minutes the whole scene would likely take in real time. The only other thing of note in this page or so of events is that it is amazing how completely Edward sheds the skin of his personality, habits, and conflicts, and how utterly this is ignored. Ipecac could not cause a more thorough expulsion of vile, half-processed materials. William Wallace died with more inner workings than these characters have. In contrast to what I know to be a universal truth, I cannot even believe these people poop, outside of taking part in the leaking, black text that makes up this wholesale piece of shit. I AM UNHAPPY AND WILL MAKE POOP REFERENCES UNTIL YOU ARE UNHAPPY AS WELL.

(Luckily, poop references generally make me laugh, so I’m all better now. Sorry).

“‘This is… um…a -big- Jeep you have.’” ‘No, Emmett has a big Jeep, I have a tiny Volvo. But it is silver’” (Also, penis jokes make me happy)

Page 171

“‘You smell so good in the rain.’ … ‘In a good or bad way?’ … ‘Both, always both.’” Like a wet dog, at least I know you’re getting cleaner.

“He was around to my side of the car in a blur.” Years later, Bella would tragically recall this moment as when she should’ve noticed she was going blind. Also, Edward can wrap himself in blurs. I picture is kind of like bubble-wrap, only super-vampire bubble-wrap (reinforced about the fangs).

“‘Would I let a tree hurt you?’” No Edward, because you have demonstrated, Trees are No Match for You! Nor Squirrels, even in Fours!

Also, sexing up makes you forget fears. The implications of this, I do not wish to contemplate.

Page 172

Edward curses Bella out for kissing back. I am beginning to think he dies of loving. He shall be sexed to death! It’s loads better than recognizing it for the trait of dangerously controlling, sexually unbalanced, abusive young man. Which is what all the girls want… those sluts.

Page 173

We are just flying through this! Because it’s almost pointless to keep talking about how Bella and Edward’s conversations suck! I could sum up huge parts of this chapter with : it all sucks exactly the same as it sucked before, only suckier, because there’s more of it! So I shall! Yay!

Other vampires are here. Rosalie wisely ignores Bella entirely. It is as you have been telling me, folks, I like Rosalie better already.

Page 174

“He was nearly as graceful and just as fast — yet Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle.” Except that he just was. Or rather, compared to someone who was compared to gazelle. So he’s like a gazelle twice removed. A gazelle’s second cousin. Well, that does make it legally no longer incestuous, I think, so there’s that. Makes a hell of an accusation, though: ‘No, you, sir, are a confusingly taxonomized ungulate to the second degree!’

Edward is like a cheetah, not a gazelle. ‘No, you, sir, are an atypical Acinonyx!’ (I learn new things all the time from this exercise)

“‘I do think of them as my children in most ways… did Edward tell you I had lost a child?’” Well… Esme gets personal pretty fast. Also, I like that pluperfect there: ‘I had lost a child, but I’m totally over it now.”

“‘It broke my heart— that’s why I jumped off the cliff, you know,’ she added matter-of-factly.” Well… Esme is totally over it, apparently. Never mind that that single event caused her to dramatically end her life and unknowingly begin a new one where she sucks blood and can never die or have biological children, ever. ‘Nope, that’s all water under the bridge, y’all. THE BRIDGE I THREW MYSELF FROM, HAHAHA, man I crack me up.’ (also… ‘factly’, we’ve moved on from perverse adverb worship to the desire to kill adverbs entirely. In some species, this is normal, I guess).

They use an aluminum bat. This not only doesn’t make sense to me, but also fails to make sense to me. I’m thinking this is because it blatantly fails to make sense, but I’m unsure. I’m waiting for the confession that the bat is made of solid steel, or perhaps, special moon metals. Maybe adamantium. More likely vibranium, as it is older and more storied.

Page 175

It is fun to watch a baseball game where the actions are so fast you can’t see them. This is apparently true, as it is the direct inverse of watching Major League games. I contest that a baseball game in which there are no hotdogs or beer is hardly a baseball game. Also there is insufficient spitting.

“He sprinted to my side, sparkling with excitement.” later on, Bella would realize that his attachment to body glitter could go right along with his refraining from sex and confusion about female sexuality as signs she should’ve noticed were pointing towards his deeply and harmfully repressed desires. Unfortunately, Bella saw none of these signs, as she was already blind by the time they mattered.

Edward- also better at vampire baseball than everyone.

“Carlisle was up to bat, Edward catching…” Again, signs, blindness, etcetera.

Page 176

Alice says: “‘I didn’t see— I couldn’t tell.’” Thank you, Alice, for reminding us again that you are only right about the weather, and otherwise cannot tell the future any better than one of those red curley fish-things. (For reference: http://www.fortunetellerfish.com/)

“…I couldn’t hear what Esme asked Edward now with a silent vibration of her lips.” We finally know why Carlisle went ahead and vampirized her.

Page 177

Oh no! The vampires are so worried they’re bunting! Nobody ever bunts! That would be -strategic- rather than just idiotic grandstanding!

The vampire turn like weathervanes towards the other vampires. The chapter ends, as plot develops. I’d play dramatic chords now, but I have every suspicion that this, like an episode of Dragonball Z, will move right into another chapter of people staring back and forth at each other and menacing, rather than anything actually happening.

Why not? I’ve been reading through the same conversations and the same intensely repetitive, school day nonsense for the past 165 pages. Why would something happen now? I’ll just sit here waiting for Goku to die again so we have an excuse for everyone else to show up and die in their turn, too.

I never really realized how depressing Dragonball Z was. Damn.

I definitely take the blame for not blogging about this earlier, but the University of Louisville’s Pride Week is this week, with LOTS of great events.

It’s not too late to get involved. A complete schedule is listed, but the keynote event will be an address by transgenders activist Calpernia Adams and Andrea James on Thursday, 7-9 PM in the Humanities building, room 100, with an after party immediately following at Starbase Q.

Check out the Facebook events and the full schedule below!

Monday, September 21
11:30 AM-2 PM
Pride Kickoff Cookout with music, LGBT vendors, free Pride shirts, and more!
West Lawn, Red Barn

Tuesday, September 22
12 PM
Brown Bag Lunch: Why Gender Neutral Restrooms Matter
Muhammad Ali Institute for Peace and Justice
Ekstrom Library

7-9 PM
Pouring Tea: Black Gay Men of the South Tell Their Tales
Starring E. Patrick Johnson
Strickler 101

Wednesday, September 23
11:30 AM
International Tea/Lunch
LGBT Issues Abroad
Cultural Center

3 PM
Women’s and Gender Studies Fall Lecture Series
Dr. Yaba A. Blay
“Rude gon Batty: The Paradox in Dancehall Masculinity”
Chao Auditorium, Ekstrom Library

7-9 PM
CommonGround Parents Night with PFLAG
Cultural Center, Multipurpose Room

Thursday, September 24
5-7 PM
LGBT Alumni Reception
University Club
Hosted by Kentucky Fairness Alliance and Mark England

7 -9 PM
Pride Keynote Address by Calpernia Addams and Andrea James
Humanities 100

9 PM
After Party for Calpernia and Andrea
Hosted by Sienna
Starbase Q (21 and over)

Friday, September 25
12-1 PM
Pride Interfaith Service
Interfaith Center

2 PM
Women’s and Gender Studies Maddox Prize Lecture
“Contemplatively (Re)Visioning the Transsexual Self: Gender as Transformative Exercise in Calpernia Addams”
Brice Nordquist
Chao Auditorium, Ekstrom Library

9-11:30 PM
Pride Wrap Up Dance Party
Red Barn

Sunday, September 27
11 PM
Pride Service
Community Empowerment Center
1036 Euclid Avenue

Tuesday, September 29
12 PM
Keys to the Door: ENDA, Transgender Identity, and Community
Room 275, Brandeis School of Law
Hosted by the Law School Diversity Committee and the Lambda Law Caucus

Sunday 8th Ave SW: A colorful parade is being assembled. Hundreds of people gathered before noon, excited to start celebrating this years Pride Week. While eight blocks away I await for things to happen. Making sure my equipment won’t leave me during the event. Batteries…Check! CF card…refreshed and ready! I’ve decided to use my favorite lens, 100mm, I’ll take portraits. Eight blocks away, I am ready. Eight blocks away, I am lost…again. It took me a while before I realize and got the courage to ask for information. As expected i was in the wrong place, worst I ask my friend and co-photographer “Yuri” (sorry man) to meet me at the plaza. Oh well shit happens, have to make the situation turn to my favor. And for the record I wasn’t late, just lost. Things went out fine in the end.

With all the set backs, the parade finally moved me forward. The festivities was graced by Police Chief Rick Hanson and attended by Alderman Joe Ceci and Druh Farrell. The stage shook like a tree on a windy day when the people crowded the dance floor after the short talks and words of wisdom.

A very hot party

For the full gallery, click here

It was a very colorful gathering. I met a lot of interesting people wearing interesting attires. I never encountered a crowd who loved to be photographed so I loved them back. Nobody was intimidated, in fact they even gave me gestures of approval. Here are some of the photo I took that day.

Camera stoppers, can't help to take a photo

A kiss: I kiss you back

By PAT HARTMAN
News Editor

What has been going on in the funky little Slovenian town of Ljubljana? That’s pronounced LYOOB-li-A-na and it’s a question that many people ask. The answer is: Plenty. Take, for example, the welcome news from author/professor/entrepreneur Bill Hennessey, of The Swampscott Reporter, who is bicycling through Europe this summer. He implies that Slovenia is, for monolinguist, the perfect tourist destination and the anti-France. (No offense to France, but some returning visitors do say the natives treat non-French speakers brusquely.) Hennessey says:

I had more trouble finding English speakers in London. English is taught from kindergarten and Slovenians’ proficiency in the language is impressive; furthermore, they enjoy speaking English and are eager to practice.

He praises the roads, the drivers, the buses and trains. He speaks of a wondrous hostel called Celica, administered by a student arts group. He admires the architecture (largely the work of one Joze Plecnik), which resembles the architecture of Vienna. There’s a statue of Slovenia’s cherished poet, France Preseren, in the town square. Not a sword-wielding warrior, but a poet! The memorial to this poet is also mentioned by Mike Yardley, a visiting New Zealander, who also appreciates the town hall (which is a marvel) and, of course, the castle. This Yardley bloke has been to 70 countries, and works as a travel consultant, and even guides tours himself.

There’s a classic old hotel called the Bellevue, near Tivoli Park, that’s scheduled for renovation. And a couple of 1930s movie theaters in the city center, lovingly described by Jost Derlink at Spotted By Locals, and here’s the beauty part: they still show films, a mixture of popular and art house fare. Derlink is a guitarist who belongs to a couchsurfing network, so if you aim to visit Slovenia, you might want to look him up ahead of time. He says, “For me, Ljubljana is the best city on the globe. It might not be as big as other European capitals but I think it’s perfect.” An unorthodox local performance artist called Annie Abrahams offers an online work called “The Big Kiss in Ljubljana.” My computer won’t play it, but it looks… interesting.

June was a bit hectic, with the international clown festival, and Brazilian megastar Gilberto Gil singing at the open air theater, and some uncouth incidents marring the harmony of Pride Week when all the LGBT folk gathered. And then, the 50th Annual Ljubljana Jazz Festival hit town.

In July, there was the traditional Ana Desetnica International Festival of Street Theatre. This convention of outdoor talent been going on for more than ten years now, and the city takes it quite seriously. Typically, about 2,500 performers show up. That’s just the people who come to be seen, you understand. The number who come to see them is very much larger.  Aljoša Markočič (CalypsoFolie), the photographer whose picture of street performers is on this page, says the name of the festival originates in “an old Slovenian folk fairy-tale that if the tenth child is a daughter, she must leave home when she turns 7 and must not return for 7 years.” Whether Ana Desetnica means “seven years” or whether that was the name of a particular exiled girl is not clear. Nor is the connection with street theatre. Maybe little Ana became a busker. Maybe that’s her in the picture.

Madonna had planned a concert in Ljubljana, but it was canceled. Rumor has it that only 7,000 of the venue’s 23,000 seats were sold. Just last week, a little Belgian girl was brought by her parents to visit, and they were greeted by the Mayor. That toddler was so celebrated because her name is Ljubljana.

According to the archeology wizards, a city has been on this spot for 3,000 years, and it was supposedly founded by Jason’s posse, the Argonauts. They went on adventures, and there was something about a sheepskin… The muses do okay in Ljubljana. Plans are underway for the 24th Vilenica Literary Festival, the 2nd to 6th of September. The 28th annual Biennial of Graphic Arts is coming up in September and October, at the International Centre of Graphic Arts. The theme this time is “The Matrix: An Unstable Reality,” so hold onto your hats.

Examiner Molly McCahan is another of those people who call Slovenia the best-kept secret of Eastern Europe. Shhhh! Keep telling everybody, and it won’t be a secret for long, will it? McCahan describes it as a soft adventure traveler’s playground, what with the skiing and the wine and all. In this article, she concentrates mainly on outdoorsy activities, and gives us perhaps the most helpful hint of all: If you see a sign on a house that says zimmer, there’s a room for rent inside!

photo courtesy of Aljoša Markočič – whose entire PhotoStream is here.

Canadian Politics

• Conservative MP Brad Trost suggested in an interview published this week that Diane Ablonczy was removed as head of the Marquee Tourism Events Program because she provided $400,000 to Toronto Pride Week – to the shock and dismay of her Tory caucus colleagues and the social conservatives that back the party. Government officials denied Ablonczy was being punished.
• Foreign Affairs Minister Lawrence Cannon called in Iran’s top diplomat in Ottawa this week for a third blast over Tehran’s treatment of election protesters and the detention of Canadian journalist Maziar Bahari. Mr. Bahari is a dual citizen who was arrested June 21 and held without charge.

American Politics

• Republican Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska announced last week that she will resign her office July 26, fueling speculation that she intends to spend the next four years pursuing her party’s presidential nomination in 2012.
• The Maine Human Rights Commission ruled Monday that the Orono School Department discriminated against a transgender child by denying her access to the girl’s bathroom. While the school department’s lawyer warned that schools around the state may not be ready to manage the practical fallout from the decision, civil liberties advocates hailed the ruling as an advancement of human rights.
• Police arrested 26 members of the Health Global Access Project on Thursday when they refused to abandon a protest at the lack of federal funding for HIV/AIDS programs that they were holding in the rotunda of the Capitol Building in Washington DC. Their aim was to draw attention to what they consider to be a failure by the Obama administration to allocate sufficient funds to the fight against HIV/AIDS.

Reproductive Choice

• Pregnant women in Peru are dying at scandalous rates, according to an Amnesty International report into maternal mortality released this week. The report found that hundreds of poor, rural and indigenous pregnant women are dying because they are being denied the same health services as other women in the country. Peruvian government figures state 185 in every 100,000 women die in childbirth, but the United Nations says the number is much higher, 240 per 100,000, which makes it one of the highest rates of maternal mortality in the Americas.
• Pregnant women uprooted by the violence in the northwest region of Pakistan have suffered acutely in refugee camps for the internally displaced, says the United Nations Population Fund. According to its estimates, some 69,000 pregnant women have been displaced since the start of military operations on April 27. There were nearly 6,000 new births to displaced mothers in June, of which at least 900 required surgery because of complications.

Gendered Violence

• The Afghan Shia Personal Status law which legalized rape within marriage has been sent back to parliament after judicial review with a clause letting husbands starve their wives if they refuse to have sex. It is due to be ratified by parliament, which first passed the legislation in March with hardly any debate. Meanwhile, the UN said this week that women in Afghanistan are the targets of increasing violence and other human rights abuses that President Hamid Karzai’s government is doing little to stop. It cited a culture of impunity for perpetrators of attacks and the government’s failure to criminalize rape or submit a report on discrimination against women that is five years overdue.

Economic Crisis

• According to a new report by the Fawcett Society and Oxfam, about 40 per cent of ethnic minority women in the United Kingdom are living in poverty, twice the proportion of white women. Poverty extends to more than a third of black women and almost two thirds of Pakistani and Bangladeshi women. The report says that the current recession poses the risk that ethnic minority women living in poverty will be locked into their destitution for the foreseeable future and that even more ethnic minority women will be made vulnerable to poverty.

Health

• A third of women diagnosed with breast cancer in public screening programmes are treated needlessly because their tumour will not be life-threatening, the British Medical Journal reported Friday.

International

• With the presence of U.S. soldiers, prostitution is flourishing near the Camp Stanley Camptown close to Seoul. Since 1945, U.S. troops have been stationed in the Korean peninsula, with their current strength estimated to be 28,500. Prostitution in the region is a direct result of their presence, local observers say. U.S. officials have made statements condemning prostitution but have done little to stop it.
• The Mozambique parliament in Africa passed the first draft of a bill against domestic violence on June 29. The bill imposes harsher penalties for crimes of domestic violence; currently domestic violence is treated as a simple assault case.
• French lawmakers opened hearings Wednesday on whether to ban the burka, calling in experts who said France should act to discourage Muslim women from wearing the head-to-toe veil.
• Possession of pornography is now a criminal offense in Ukraine. Human rights activists and members of the Ukrainian artistic community had asked the president to veto the law, but he signed it this week. Now pornography can be kept only “for medical purposes,” according to the Ukrainian Ministry of Justice.

According to a CTV article, Conservative MP Brad Trost, who told the social conservative abortion site “Life Site News” that junior tourism minister Diane Ablonczy acted without the approval of the party when she awarded Pride Week $400,000, doesn’t speak for the party. Mr.Trost is quoted as saying that almost the entire Conservative caucus and the PMO were caught off guard when she awarded the money under the new tourism program. He then suggested that Ms.Ablonczy has been stripped of her position because of the move, something the government denies.

According to recent reports, Mr.Trost and four other MPs who criticized the grant were barely acknowledged by the party. Funding for tourism events is nothing new, say industry insiders, and the Conservatives have improved funding since they took power. Industry Canada was handed a $100-million program to fund tourism events as a part of our economic “stimulus”, which is why Pride Week got their windfall this year.

Monte Solberg weighed in on this issue from his own blog as well, saying that Diane Ablonczy had been treated “very unfairly”:

The truth is that, for better or worse, the Conservative Government has provided grants for this kind of thing in the past. It was the Liberals who initiated them but it was Conservative Ministers who attended and bragged about the government’s support for the Gay Games. That’s because half the conservative caucus has a libertarian bent and the other half comes from the more conservative side.

So you can either scrap all grants for all parades, or you can fund the thing like you always have and devote your efforts to fixing the three or four other things that really do make a difference, none of which involves parades, costumes and nudity.

My ideal is to let everyone raise their own money to hold their parades and the police can be there to make sure that most of the people, keep on most of their clothes most of the time. That’s never been a problem at the Rodeo Day parade in my town but then again it’s usually cold in Alberta at the beginning of June.

I’ll echo Mr.Solberg’s comments. Ms.Ablonczy does deserve better than to be insinuated as some kind of a rogue by Mr.Trost.

Having said that, I find it interesting that, once again, the media jumped all over this story as a sign that the party had finally reared it’s hidden social conservative side for all to see. And once again, as has been case over and over in every “controversy”, not only is it untrue, it’s even unbelievable. Mr.Trost indicated that Ms.Ablonczy had acted without the permission of the PMO or Tony Clement, but such a step outside of the chain of command is extremely unlikely. We know by now that Prime Minister Harper runs a tight ship, so if Pride Week received $400,000 from the government, you can be sure that the highest levels rubber stamped it.

As Mr.Solberg says, it would be nice if people raised their own money for their own parades. But that’s not the country we live in, not the government we have running it, and unfortunately for the left, not a topic of controversy they can flog.

Every time I’m hard up for blog fodder I need to remind myself to open a newspaper. Because within just a few pages I can find something that will make me itch with rage.

Brad Trost is a big fat bigot.

For those unfamiliar with the Saskatchewan MP, here’s some back-story:

Turns out some of the funding for the recent Pride Week in Toronto came from the Federal government’s Marquee Tourism Events Program. Apparently being gay is against the Conservative code and therefore Bob Trost unthinkingly made this comment –

“The pro-life and the pro-family community should know and understand that the tourism funding money that went to the gay pride parade in Toronto was not government policy, was not supported by – I think it’s safe to say by a large majority – of the MPs.”

Things to glean from Brad’s statement:

Gay’s apparently hate families and are against the idea of life. They’re some kind of nihilistic sect of humans bent on destroying everything we believe in. Stage one of their plan is to throw a flamboyant and brightly coloured parade to corrupt us all. (Irish and Santa Claus, be on notice we’re on to your shit).

Also, an event that brings people from all over North America and generates upwards of $91 million for local businesses clearly has no right being supported by a tourism program. That’s just bad math – why would you stimulate the economy for a payoff of more than 200 times your investment?

I’m just going to cut to the chase. This is yet another sign that the current federal government is so wildly behind the times that it’s embarrassing. We can’t even claim to be more forward thinking than the US anymore. For once we stand alone as the blatantly ignorant and bigoted country, ten steps behind the rest of the civilized (and uncivilized) world. Is this the country we want to be? If it is than I don’t want any part of it.

Also – I fully imagined Trost would be some ancient curmudgeon who pre-dated the founding of the country, but was shocked to find a 35 year-old former geophysicist who’s probably never been off the farm.

Carol Little is performing a 15 minute set of poetry with guitar and djembe accompaniment on July 8th, 7-9 pm at the 2nd Annual ARCPEI Coffee House Open Mic for Pride week at Beanz Espresso Bar (rain location is the Studio at Mavor’s).

so i’m finally getting back to normal after this past weekend’s events. this year’s pride had a strange twinge of sadness to it on account of our king of pop’s death, but that did not stop the deubachery from going on as planned. between shots and beer, and sporadic laments over mj’s death, not to mention his timeless songs blasting from most bars….the weekend ended up being sort of a blur.

this year’s celebration was especially significant being that it was the 40th anniversary of the stonewall riots in greenwhich village, new york. to those who don’t know, it was the first time that gays stood up for their right to party so to speak. imagine: a group of drag queens, overpowering the new york police department! luckily no fighting here on the hill, but here we go with some photo documentation of what did go down.

The struggle in equal rights in our society isn’t one that is entirely over, even in Canada where legislation allowed homosexuals the opportunity to equal status in marriage only a few years ago. I had no objection to gay marriage from the very outset. There isn’t very much that I agree with in Pierre Trudeau’s legacy, but when he said “the state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation”, there is a resonance that appeals to my individualist side. I don’t really care what two, or more, consenting adults do within the confines of their own private abodes, so long as it isn’t advertised to me. I’m not offended by public displays of affection, either heterosexually or homosexually, so same-sex couples kissing or holding hands isn’t a problem for me either. But I am left to wonder, what exactly is the purpose of this gay pride parade that continues in Toronto year after year, and every year seems to get more and more like a south American caribana festival, only more hedonistic?

One would have thought that in a recession, that governments throughout the country could prioritize the importance of expenditures. Saying “apparently not” for the federal government would be an unnecessary understatement. With the feds, it’s either a necessary expenditure, or else it’s just “stimulus”, in which case everything that happens to be spending falls under this category. Even parades which promote a sexual orientation as an identifying demographic.

Pride Toronto received a $400,000 donation from the federal government last week as a recepient of the Marquee Events Program. It’s money which goes toward improving infrastructure and services for people with disabilities during the 10-day festival, along with improving marketing and programming efforts. The government has long ago recognized that Pride week has surpassed whatever original intentions it may have had of bringing social activism and civil rights to the forefront, and replaced it with a happy heteronormative stamp of approval as a tourist attraction. Something to bring the whole family to watch. Costumes, balloons, floats, the whole nine yards. It does draw over a million people, and the tourism revenue is substantial.

Far be it from me to criticize anyone who wants to go to a festival that they enjoy. The parade began back when “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” was an act of political activism, evolving out of the 1981 Toronto bathhouse raids which sought to legitimize homosexual rights. But the people attending the parade today aren’t activists anymore. The equality of homosexual rights is enshrined in the Charter, and now protected under hate crime and discrimination laws. To celebrate the pride of equal rights for homosexuals is becoming little more than an excuse to celebrate the “lifestyle” of that demographic.

The lifestyle on display in Pride week is that of a rather flamboyant, hedonistic, overtly sexual nature. These aren’t people celebrating their equal right to sexuality, as Pierre Trudeau put it, in the bedrooms of the nation. They’re celebrating their right to sexuality on the streets of Toronto, complete with women’s lingerie, sado-masochistic leather outfits, and just plain nudity, in all the glory of the organ-piercings on the display. Is that what equal rights is all about? Publicly celebrating unabashed sexual exuberance, a stereotype that is so often misdirected at all homosexuals, even those who live quiet and unassuming lives with their same-sex partner?

The event has become so diluted of whatever message it originally had that now parents come with their children to gawk at the colours and half-naked and naked men and women who walk down the streets. Politicians, not wanting to seem intolerant or out of touch with a voting demographic, show up to wave and smile, safe in the sanitized and municipally-approved message [or perhaps not so sanitary with Toronto's outside workers on strike]. Jack Layton and Olivia Chow make their obligatory appearance for the LGBT community, oblivious to the phallic party favours they wave to the crowd. And then there are the children, dragged along by parents who believe it’s open-minded and tolerant to let them watch naked men and women overtly celebrate sex. That in and of itself, is a criminal act:

Section 173.1 of Canada’s Criminal Code states parading in the nude “in the presence of one or more persons” is a crime.

Section 173.2 states any person who “exposes his or her genital organs to a person under the age of 14” has also broken the law.

So one is left to wonder: what is the purpose of gay pride parade? The celebration of equal rights for all people to engage in the particular sexual orientation that nature has chosen for them in the discreet privacy of their own homes? Or merely a chance to parade naked and wave phallic ornaments in public? And if it is the latter, then surely our federal tax dollars would be better reserved for less specific tastes, and underage children be kept away. Until the parade can become respectful of the common laws of decency observed by all people, I do not see why it can be endorsed and publicly funded, particularly as the civil rights of the movement is no longer an issue.

per Rugby.com:

“Fashion and function meet philanthropy in our I Kiss Boys Tote — 100% of the net proceeds from your purchase directly benefit the Hetrick-Martin Institute. Designed by students of Polo Fashion School, the tote reflects the proud values of the Hetrick-Martin Institute’s Harvey Milk High School, dedicated to the needs of the lesbian, bi-sexual, gay and transgender or questioning community and open to all students. Lightweight canvas with a spray-painted background and “Live Colorful with the Hetrick Martin Institute” printed on one side; “I Kiss Boys” in script on the other side and contrasting shoulder straps.15″ H x 14 1/2″ L. 100% cotton. Imported.”

Cute, and only $10!  And just in time for Pride Week.  Over @ racked.com, they note that these totes are also available for purchase @ the Bleeker store…somebody’s trying to pull a Marc Jacobs accessory store concept…  Kinda flimsy-looking online, but it’s for a good cause…rugby.com has them for sale HERE.

…oh, there’s an “I Kiss Girls” tote too…but…whatever…

image per racked.com, a site i cannot live day-to-day without…

This weekend, there will be some exciting events in Northwest Arkansas. This is a great time to support the local LGBT community by attending these events. There are also still many opportunities for light volunteer work and still enjoying the festivities.

There will be ample opportunities to become a member of NWA Center for Equality, and you can always make a donation.

So come out this weekend, meet like-minded individuals, support equality and diversity in NWA, and most of all, have fun.

The schedule includes:

A screening of “For the Bible Tells Me So” with a Q&A session with the producer/director and family members featured in the film at the Jones Center Friday, June 26th. There will be a reception from 6-7 PM, and the screening follows from 7-9 PM.

A 5k run at Scull Creek Trail in Fayetteville, Saturday, June 27th, from 8-10 AM.  T-shirts are given to the first 50 participants, water will be provided, and there is a $5 entry fee.

A Pride Parade begins after the run at 10 AM, on Dickson street.

A Pride Picnic follows from 11AM-1PM at Agri Park on Garland in Fayetteville. This is a fun family friendly event with food, local non-profit organizations, and a performance by Big Bad Gina.

Later Satuday night, there will be Salon Theator at Tymythy’s Salon on Poplar Street, with Outlaugh and April’s Shower.

Sunday afternoon, from 1-3 is a time to relax and mingle at the Tea Dance at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Fayetteville.

Monday evening, tune in to KXUA 88.3 from 6-8 to hear a broadcast on Gay History.

We usually take the time to talk about new and innovative things that are happening on the marketing side. Today, something else caught our attention.

The following commercial was created for Europride 2009 and has been airing online and parts of Europe since March.

Kudos to TBWA for creating a tasty and comical ad.

Finally, take a look at the “09″ logo at the end of the video. Is it me, or does that look like a smiley face?

Pride Week is a chance to help keep Santa Clarita neighborhoods safe and clean. (Pictured 2008 Pride Week)

It’s time to slip on the gloves and lace up the work boots. Santa Clarita’s Pride Week is going on until Sunday April 18th. Pride Week is an annual event where members of the community can volunteer to do public service projects around their neighborhoods. Materials and t-shirts are provided by the City of Santa Clarita and residents can do various tasks such as paint fences, clean up trash or get rid of graffiti around town.

Pride Week is a good way to spend time with family and friends.

Participants can sign-up by contacting the volunteer coordinator, Barbara Myler, at 661-290-2911 to pick which project they’d like to work on.

Well, I’ve had a busy couple of days.  Earlier this week my computer decided to go insane and delete all my files; no more pictures, no more music, no more documents, no more bookmarked websites.  I brought it in to computer services and was informed that I had one of the screwiest computers they had ever seen, so they….reinstalled my operating system?  I think.  All I know is that they had to wipe my hard-drive clean, which wasn’t too difficult, seeing as how my computer had already decided to do that.  Now I just have to find my USB flash drive, because I know that has a lot of my stuff on it….unfortunately it’s lost somewhere…I bet Fred ate it.  Fred is the black hole that follows me around and eats things: socks, pens, sewing needles, important documents, keys, hair clips, etc.  Em has one named George.

Thursday night I went and saw “Of Mice and Men” in the black-box.  It was a very well done production, though not my favorite play.  Not enough action and downright depressing; which is kind of odd, because I absolutely adore “Our Town”.  Friday night we went to the Drag Show they were putting on for Pride Week, which was fantastic.  Some of the acts were simply hilarious.  Saturday night (last night) we went to the jazz concert – amazing, per usual.  I’m pretty sure I’m suffering from some hearing loss, but it was definitely worth it.  Than we went out to eat at the cafe.  I’d never been before, but it was delicious.  After that we went back to L’s friend’s apartment to play with her cat, who was adorable.  Today I have a five page “book review” to write on Broecker and Kunzig’s Fixing Climate; a fascinating read on climate change written in perfectly readable English.  Also rehearsing my scene and possibly hitting up a senior piano recital.  But first, on to breakfast.

by STEPHANIE FERRER-CARTER

John F. Kennedy, the 35th president of the United States of America, stated, “If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him.”

During this year’s Pride at the U, artists of all sexual preferences found a venue for their visions.

“Art is a big part of queer culture,” said Bonnie Owens, 21, a senior at the University of Utah and an intern at the LGBT Resource Center on campus. “It’s a big part of any culture, so I thought it was important that it was included.”

The theme of the 2007 Pride Week held Oct. 15-20 was “Culture with a Q.” Owens was inspired by the theme, and chose to revamp the idea of an art gallery as part of Pride Week.

“In the past it’s never been successful, but I really wanted it to run well this year,” Owens said.

The art show was originally titled “Beautifully Obscene,” but was renamed “The Good Stuff” after some concern over what would be displayed in the gallery located in the U’s student lounge.

“The best thing about the gallery is that it crosses so many different boundaries,” Owens said. “We’ve got staff, faculty, alumni, community members and students all in here.”

Though it was labeled a LGBTQ art gallery, Owens said anyone could submit their art. Artists did not have to describe the subject matter, just the dimensions of their work.

“Something like this is so odd,” Owens said. “It’s so queer to have a gallery designed for queer students and faculty. So it’s very, very liberating for an artist that’s having a hard time finding their niche. It’s a good place to be.”

A variety of art was displayed in the gallery, including photography, drawings, oil, water color, mixed media and pottery.

While some works were more subdued, the gallery did feature a series of nudes painted by a former alumna who lives in Santa Quin County. Owens said the woman found out about the gallery through a culture article in the Salt Lake Tribune and was eager to show her work, not only because the county did not have a gallery that would display the nudes, but also because two of the woman’s children are gay.

The gallery became a canvas of emotion and statement for some.

Orbin Rockford, 27, submitted five pieces from a series of 25 Sharpie and acrylic paint drawings to the gallery. The dark images portrayed, both in color and tone, stood out starkly from their clean, white backgrounds.

The inspiration came from an emotional break-up that happened while Rockford was in college at a Boston art school.

“I was in a relationship that was totally messed up,” Rockford said. “It was my first real relationship with a guy.”

Drawing, Rockford said, is a form of therapy, what he calls “instinct art.”

“It’s a great outlet,” he said. “It’s been about coming to terms with myself.” 

But Rockford said he does not want his artwork to be defined only by his sexuality.

“It’s very much a part of my work, some pieces more than others,” he said.

Aside from putting the show together, Owens also submitted her own series of black and white photographs. Each one featured student leaders and activists from the U’s LGBTQ groups.

“They [Owens’ photographs] were designed to be shown, so they’re a little more apparent,” she said. “They’re something that you can look at them and say, why is this queer, what is going on here.”

The pieces were on display for the week, and the gallery full of artwork was proof of a goal accomplished, according to Owens.

“Pretty much everyone from different identities and cultures submitted something, which is something the resource center has had a hard time with in the past,” Owens said. “A lot of events this year cater to people who are often forgotten in programming like this, so people of color, transgender individuals, women, straight allies especially. So it’s great to see some of their work in this.”

I dance like this... when I'm sober-ish.

Yesterday marked the official “Pride Week” kickoff, and to celebrate Matthew, his ex-boyfriend who wouldn’t take no for an answer, and I headed down to the epicenter (Church and Wellsley). We came fashionably late, but not so late that we’d have to wait in lines. 

    I’d never been to a gay bar before, actually that’s a lie, I’d been to Slacks before, but that was so brief that it barely counts. Anyways, we started out at Woody’s, this bar that, surprise surprise, is all for men. I’m pretty sure I saw 3 women there, and even at gay men’s bars it’s hard to tell if they’re down or if they’re there to support their just-out best friend. There were televisions everywhere, all of them showing horrible porn. Needless to say I downed two Stella’s in 20 minutes, which normally would have been a bad plan, but I thought it necessary.

    We then left Woody’s (thankfully), to head for greener pastures. Greener pastures being Slacks, the premier lesbian bar on Church. Two more beers and a booth seat, and I still felt out of place. Maybe it’s because I knew everyone else was significantly older than I am, or maybe it was because I had no idea where else to meet women who were down, but it was depressing. I felt awkward, but not too much out of place, being surrounded by women having a good time, well I felt safe, even though I knew I wouldn’t be picking anyone up.

    I love women, but I hate dancing, but I love drinking, but I hate paying $6 for domestic bottled …but I love women! What an endless struggle, is it not? I was very thankful that Matthew came with me, even though I’m sure he felt a little bit out of place too, him & I had a heart to heart, and he is quickly becoming one of my best friends. On that note, I need more (…some) lesbian friends, I love the gay men, don’t get me wrong, not being hit on by big bulky men is a definite plus. But I’d like some lesbian friends, because I think they can relate to me on an entirely different level, I don’t think making friends at bars is that easy though, because I don’t think most people go to bars to buddy up.

    On a more optimistic note, Pride Prom is coming up and I am beyond excited. There is an age cap at 21, so number prospective hookups goes up exponentially. And if all else fails, I can make lesbian friends! The only thing is that I don’t know what to wear, and I don’t want to look out of place. However, I did get a very artsy-dyke haircut the other day, so at least I won’t be mistaken for a breeder.

(Originally written: 21/06/08)

I love my mum. She loves me, feeds me, plays with me and we go to neat places together. Sometimes, I feel that I must step in and take care of her. It’s Sunday today and that means we are going to church. She’s not feeling very well, I think… something about minnows pausing. I don’t get it. I think she’s just tired from being up half the night changing the sheets on her bed. I really need a little sign to wear on my harness. No, not the “don’t pet me, I’m working” sign… I need something that reads, “Don’t Bug My Mum Today”. She needs rest and maybe an ice pack to cool her off, but definitely NOT a stupid bus driver forgetting to tell us when we have arrived at our stop or a guy in an SUV trying to mow us down in a crosswalk. Sheesh! I don’t know what she’ll do if somebody bugs us this afternoon at the ball game. Frankly, I think it’s too hot to sit around in the sun, even if it is the annual Dykes and Divas game. She promised me that we are outta there if it starts to thunder. Suits me fine. Mum told me she’s not into the ‘Pride’ thing anyway. I don’t know what this means either. I’m a smart Guide dog, but that doesn’t mean I understand humans or what they are talking about half the time. I know words like, “left”, “right”, “find the lift” and the ones that REALLY matter in life, like “suppertime” and “I love you Opal”.