Its a cold world out there

And the chill keeps my soul lonely

My brain runs around in circles

But my mind tends to loss everything there is to have

Because it has lost the strength to carry on

We are lost in the world

But not the high life

Maybe a little cup of companions

Or a massive shot of warmth

Might keep the world whole

At least my love and joy

Don’t get me wrong I love my world

But I just can’t seat back to enjoy it

I run after my past

And away from the light at the end of the tunnel

That promises a bright future

Its scary in my own little world

And the monsters creep in by the second

Darkness now seems better than the light

Because in the light I can see my way

Once upon a time

I knew nothing about love

Just until my heart was broken

It is said by wise ones in times past

Once beaten twice shy

Well maybe except you have hope

And a tiny touch of faith

What if running seems easier

And keeping my mind still keeps the monsters awake

What if my pain is louder than the smile in darkness

And what if I don’t have control

Because the desire seems stronger than the will

Its not the tears at night

Or the sound of crying hearts

It the fear that you would die hurting

And never learn the true meaning of love

Agube

Inspired by ME!!

1.) Do. Not. Bleach. Your. Hair. I used to have lovely long dark brown hair. It was in great condition despite years of straightening, and had I have left it I could’ve easily grown it another 5 or 6 inches by now. Unfortunately, I decided to dye it blonde. I have no idea why I thought that would be a good look on me considering I’m 1/4 Italian and have warm olive skin and brown eyes, but it seemed like a great idea at the time. I also completely underestimated just how quickly my hair grows, so I was constantly buying bleach and purple shampoo and hair dye to maintain my brassy, dry and quite frankly hideous hair colour. In the end I realised just how foul it looked and after several failed attempts at dying it back brown (my hair had been bleached practically to dust and would not hold on to any colour) I left it to grow out. I now have an “ombre” hairstyle with many short, frazzled ends which have yet to completely grow out. Girls, if you’re thinking about going blonde and your hair is anything darker than a mousy light brown, I’d recommend that you don’t. And even if you do, leave it to the professionals and opt for highlights rather than the all over peroxide wash.
about 10 months ago, at the peak of my bleaching days
about 2 months ago, almost identical to how it is now. I have not touched it.

2.) Don’t get too upset over boys. Yeah, you’ll meet someone and they’ll make you really happy. And then it won’t work out. And then you’ll be sad, for weeks or even months. And then you’ll meet someone else and the cycle will repeat. I’m fairly grateful that I realised this within the past couple of years, as I’m sure there are girls my age or even older who are yet to experience the repetitive and wholly disappointing world of teenage relationships.

3.) Do what you really want to do, and strive to be the best you and not the best in comparison to others. I’ve always been good at writing and humanities but fairly poor at sciences. However, I felt like a failure next to the high-flying prospective medics and dentists and lawyers in my year at school, so I pushed myself to take subjects which were far too science based for my academic level. I am academic, but I’m interested in and good at English Literature, History and other similar subjects. It’s better to succeed in what you can do than to fail at what other people can do. There’s a reason why we’re all good at different things- because the world needs writers and novelists and historians and even hairdressers and bin men just as much as it needs lawyers and doctors. There’s no point in worrying about money when you’re unlikely to be happy in a high-paid job anyway if it’s not something you truly love. So forget about all the grown up stuff about how much you earn and where you’ll live and just aim to excel where you can.

4.) Quality over quantity. It’s better to have a few close friends who you can really trust than loads of wishy-washy, false, and frankly a bit rubbish ones. High school goes so so quickly and at the end of the day you’re only going to stay in contact with the really amazing people you met. Plus, having loads of friends results in arguments and all kinds of problems, so I’m glad to say that my best friends now are truly amazing people who I know I’ll still be friends with for years to come.

5.) Take care of yourself. It’s really important to do this from an early age. I used to sleep with my makeup on- resulting in horrible spots which have scarred. I used to eat a terrible diet and never exercise, and it’s only now that I’ve begun to really regret that. It’s worth keeping active and eating well even when you get to the age where adults can’t really tell you what to do because it’s better for you. Learning to do things like a food shop and successfully loading the dishwasher are better learnt in the early teens before you end up a year away from university with no idea how to look after yourself. Thankfully, I’ve always been independent to at least some degree and I still have a year to learn the rest of it.

So there, my 5 main points. When you’re growing up, a lot changes in a year. You learn a huge amount and develop and change rapidly, and it really is quick. The past year has gone by in what seems like a matter of hours to me, so I can only assume that the next year and the years after that will follow in this pattern.

- Eliza x

Proverbs 10:28 The hope of the righteous shall be gladness: but the expectation of the wicked shall perish.

Trusting in Jesus gave you new life and hope for eternity. So how do you respond when life becomes dark and dull? Does hope slip away?

When no obviously great spiritual works are going on, do not assume God has deserted you. Hold on to Him even more firmly and trust.

He will keep His promises.

Truly, what other options do you have? Without Him, hope disappears.

*Everyday Encouragement – Pamela L. Mcquade

]]> http://deelaytful.com/2013/05/19/goldfinger/ Sun, 19 May 2013 06:59:01 +0000 deelaytful http://deelaytful.com/2013/05/19/goldfinger/ Seventeen and barely legal when I first unhooked the brooch on my satin robes, revealing a pair of freckled brown shoulders.

He hovered his hands above them and I felt a slight static in my navel, that feeling when you’re going down the stairs in the middle of the night and a looming mirror awaits you at the landing.

My hands let go of what’s left of the dress and I stand, proud, back turned to him

He promised me fame and that was the word he whispered as he caressed my body, his stubbly fingers barely grazing my skin.

He said I was a star and he cupped my breasts from behind, his hand lowering to my belly ring.

His finger inside me and that was to be my key.

His room filled with pictures of women in various stages of undress, smiling and signed, and that empty spot by the window where he would put my picture.

Six months later, I am still posed, handcuffed and frilly, making love to the camera, wondering when he’d cash back.

My co-actors’ hands are on me: they don’t have the golden touch of Midas.

But still I grin and moan, and I wait patiently, for when his cursed touch transforms me.

——————-

This is the 100 Songs Project, a 100-day writing challenge based on AFI’s 100 Years…100 Songs. Every day, I write a short poem, prose piece, or play based on, reacting to, rejecting, accepting, or doing something related to one of the songs in the top 100 list.

Please consider liking Deelaytful on Facebook and following us on Twitter.

Related articles

• Shall We Dance? (deelaytful.com)
• Flashdance…What a Feeling (deelaytful.com)
• Thank Heaven for Little Girls (deelaytful.com)

  Today was a little tougher than yesterday, but mostly because Caleb went to bed late and so he was a little crankier than usual. But we had an excellent day. Today was filled with rainbows and promises – Noah’s ark. Caleb actually knew most of the story already, but my reason for teaching it to him wasn’t to tell him the story, it was to discuss Noah’s obedience to God. We’ve been talking a lot about obedience with Caleb purely because he’s been having a lot of obedience and self-control issues, and I wanted to show him that even the people in the Bible have to show obedience.

  Caleb has taken the lesson to heart and has shown us that he’s trying by learning Ephesians 6:1 and memorizing it, telling the truth, and apologizing from the heart. What better way to talk about obedience than the story of Noah? Noah was faithful and did everything God asked of him.

  I wanted to allow Caleb the opportunity to play with paints since he’s been asking about it and actually got in trouble with them the other day. We also worked on following directions, because he wanted to paint whatever he wanted, which ordinarily I would let him, but since we are working on following directions, I wanted him to do the project I had created. And I have to say, it turned out well!!

Caleb’s Rainbow

My Rainbow – we turned them into a mobile

  My favorite part of the day, though was actually the spontaneous learning. From the moment I woke up we were spontaneously learning together. Caleb brought his phonics books out today and worked on sounding out letters, but the words still seemed to elude him. While Matt cooked breakfast, we learned some more and watched some phonics videos and that’s when it clicked. Caleb’s face lit up as he actually read some words. I was SHOCKED. The main thing that is standing in his way is that he likes to try to guess the words, even if those words don’t sound anything like the letters that he’s sounding out. So for example, if the word is pit, he’ll hear the pi- sound and say “pig!” So I have to challenge him to slow down and really sound them out and focus on what it sounds like. With most things, he’s very patient, but with this particular thing, he can only do 5 or less minutes of it before he gets upset. So we are just doing a few minutes at a time when he wants.

  But my all-time favorite thing that we did today was making bubble bath. Caleb LOVES bubbles, and we didn’t have any in the house, but I do have plenty of body wash. So we took a 1/2 c. of body wash and mixed it with an egg white and a Tablespoon of honey and then poured it under the water. (We found the directions here). It was AWESOME! The bubbles didn’t dissipate and they were big and FOAMY! It was really cool and he laughed and giggled through his whole bath. But the thing I’m most excited about is making my own hand soap!!

Check this out:

This image is copyrighted by thefarmersnest.com I only post it here to show her idea.
You can find details about making your own hand soap at her site here.

I’ll definitely be trying that and seeing how it works, because I’d like to choose a natural soap, so that our soap bottles aren’t filled with chemicals.

Well, that’s it for now. I just hope you guys don’t get tired of hearing about homeschool and DIY, because it’s what I’m doing these days. And P.S. nothing like getting your heart in the right place with God and spending more time with your child to lift your spirits.

I know I’m not perfect, but I promise to try. Really try.

Psalm 92

It is good to give thanks to the Lord,
And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High;
to declare Your faithful love in the morning
and Your faithfulness at night,
with a ten-stringed harp
and the music of a lyre.

For You have made me rejoice, Lord,
by what You have done;
I will shout for joy
because of the works of Your hands.

How magnificent are Your works, Lord,
how profound Your thoughts!

A senseless man does not know,
a fool does not understand this:
though the wicked sprout like grass
and all evildoers flourish,
they will be eternally destroyed.

But You, Lord, are exalted forever.

For behold, Your enemies, O Lord,
For behold, Your enemies shall perish;
All the workers of iniquity shall be scattered.

But my horn You have exalted like a wild ox;
I have been anointed with fresh oil.

My eye also has seen my desire on my enemies;
My ears hear my desire on the wicked
Who rise up against me.

The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree,
He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.

Those who are planted in the house of the Lord
Shall flourish in the courts of our God.

They shall still bear fruit in old age;
They shall be fresh and flourishing, to declare:

“The Lord is just; He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.”

Psalm 146

Hallelujah!  Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord, O my soul!

I will praise the Lord all my life;
I will sing praises to my God as long as I live.

Do not put your trust in princes,
Nor in man, in whom there is no help.
When his breath leaves him,
he returns to the ground;
on that day his plans die.

Happy is the one whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the Lord his God,
the Maker of heaven and earth,
the sea and everything in them.

He remains faithful forever,
executing justice for the oppressed,
and giving food to the hungry.

The Lord frees prisoners.
The Lord opens the eyes of the blind.

The Lord raises those who are bowed down;
The Lord loves the righteous.

The Lord protects foreigners
and helps the fatherless and the widow,
but He frustrates the ways of the wicked.

The Lord reigns forever;
Zion, your God reigns for all generations.

Hallelujah!  Praise the Lord!

I should have read these ages ago...

Hello all.

I thought I’d just provide you with a brief update. Check in. Let you know that I’m still alive and relentlessly pursuing the history of Nigeria.

My deadline looms large and I have the small matter of my first first paper in June, but despite this I’m remarkably upbeat!

To be honest, it feels good to get writing again. Thus far, this PhD has been a strange and unfamiliar process. Never before have I had so much to read and so much time in which to do it. Not to mention the complete lack of pressure from my supervisors. However, now I actually have to put words on paper, I feel much more comfortable.

Another bonus is that I’m getting a lot more ideas for this blog. I’ll admit, my posts up to now have been infrequent and light on historical detail. Don’t worry though, all that is about to change!

I hereby promise to produce one substantial blog post every three weeks. My first is going to reflect the 10,000 words which I’m currently writing. The subsequent posts will mirror the progress of my research  (in a far more general way, naturally). The post will be uploaded tomorrow and it will aim to present an overview of a British interaction with Nigeria (or what would become Nigeria) before the onset of colonialism.

Hopefully, you’ll find it interesting. Until tomorrow.

.

“Nobody sees

a flower

really;

it is so small.

We haven’t time,

and to see

takes time

– like to have a friend takes time.”

.

~ Georgia O’Keeffe

.

Choices:

Go fast, do a zillion things half -a..ed,

Go slow, do a few things well.

Today, be prepared to do the next right thing,

have your priorities  in place and make only

those promises that you can keep.

Remember, a loving family and a good friend are worth

more than hundred acquaintances.

Kindness is taking the time to see the choices.

Kindness is the beginning of a life filled with love.

.

ME and the Boss

.

.

.

.

..

Sam and Rhanna:
Well it’s been a very up and down week with some great moments and some really not so great points! Mum and I have decided this week to do a joint blog as mum is finding things a bit hard.

We had the chance this week to finally meet one of the members of the MSA Trust, Ellie and quite honestly she really is the nicest person in the world ever! Also she has very cute kids, hi to Immie and hi to Levi we are so thrilled to have had the opportunity to meet her and hopefully one day soon we will get the chance to organise a proper MSA event.

Mum has slept a lot since the visit but she wouldn’t have changed it for the while. She’s missing her friends, we have had to cancel visits through either them being snotty nosed or mum being tired.

Teehee, mum is telling me to write about the stress of the exams, I know I’m not different from any other teenager but why, why, why does it have to be so stressful?!! English exam on Monday so I can’t do Waterloo road on Sunday .. Gutted

We all went adventure tubing as part of Andy’s birthday back in April, it was so much fun and we all had wetsuits and big tube things, I didn’t do the jump neither did Anna but everyone else did! Mum had organised a cake for Andy and Abigail cause it was her birthday too, I bet you, you would have to look far and wide to find anyone as special as my mum.

We are sitting on the bed and she has fallen asleep, she is so beautiful and having a really hard time about stupid things just now like clothes! She’s seen a beautiful maxi skirt on Karen’s website Zuri boutique so Andy picked it up and it’s lovely, there’s so much clothes she can’t wear anymore jeans and stuff and because of tubes she can’t wear shorter skirts add that to her little legs she’s so self conscious.

Finding age wise clothes that are easy to wear for a younger person in a wheelchair, it really upsets her. Sometimes for some stupid reason she feels horrible, I suppose that when your female we all feel ugly sometimes but there’s been so any tears in the house this week. She just wants to be normal again and wear shoes although Andy had found wide fit shoes from New Look

I’m getting my hair done properly, hopefully next week yippee I can’t wait, I can’t get it changed too much as Waterloo Road don’t let you and although me, my Granny and Mum all have forget-me-knots tattoos on our ankles. I have to be careful not to change my appearance too much.

I wish mum could see what we can see, we see a beautiful woman where as she sees someone not pretty, she sees someone who can’t wear fashionable clothes like she has in her wardrobe. It doesn’t matter a bit but my mum has a heart of gold that shines from the outside in, that’s what beauty is and I love her even if she has fallen asleep and left me to write what was meant to a joint blog hehe!

Love you mum all the way to the moon and back again xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx

P.S check out these shoes!!

From Grasshopper’s Promises To Keep.

*****

Ever felt frustrated? Is there something missing? Are you living your life as if you’re not living at all? Do you want to do or to have something, but you can’t, you just can’t? Do you sometimes wonder if there’s something more? If you could be happier? If you could feel better?

My answer to all of that, is a YES. A big Y-E-S.

The ironic part is, people do everything they can. They sometimes give their everything. Some even spend a lifetime just to search or to chase something that is missing. Something that will make them complete, or contented, or satified, or fulfilled, but they don’t seem to find whatever it is.

I can’t say much. All I know is that right now, I’m unhappy. There is something missing. And I know, I just know, that I could be happier. This is not it. There is something more.

I don’t know what went wrong, maybe indecision, or limitations, or inaction. Or maybe obligations, responsibilities which stopped me from trying something different. Or maybe a good name and reputation which made me a person that others tried to build in me and not the one I really am. Or maybe education and profession which locked me inside the four walls of restrictions and expectations from other people. However, I will still find it. I just don’t know where to look, or what to do, or who to be with to find it, to find whatever it is. But I have to. One way or another, whatever it takes, even if it takes my whole life. I have to be happier. This is not it. There is something more. There MUST be something more.

I’ve got the time and I’m wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I’m halfway out the door
Onto the next thing, I’m searching for something that’s missing

There’s gotta be more to life
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I’m trippin’ out thinkin’ there must be more to life
Well it’s life, but I’m sure
There’s gotta be more

I’m wanting more

I’m always wanting on something other than this
Why am I feelin’ like there’s something I missed?

From Stacie Orrico’s More To Life

I know. There must be something more.

Our God’s tender love for His servants makes Him concerned for the state of their inward feelings. He desires them to be of good courage. Some esteem it a small thing for a believer to be vexed with doubts and fears, but God thinks not so. From this text it is plain that our Master would not have us entangled with fears. He would have us without carefulness, without doubt, without cowardice. Our Master does not think so lightly of our unbelief as we do. When we are desponding we are subject to a grievous malady, not to be trifled with, but to be carried at once to the beloved Physician. Our Lord loveth not to see our countenance sad. It was a law of Ahasuerus that no one should come into the king’s court dressed in mourning: this is not the law of the King of kings, for we may come mourning as we are; but still He would have us put off the spirit of heaviness, and put on the garment of praise, for there is much reason to rejoice. The Christian man ought to be of a courageous spirit, in order that he may glorify the Lord by enduring trials in an heroic manner. If he be fearful and fainthearted, it will dishonour his God. Besides, what a bad example it is. This disease of doubtfulness and discouragement is an epidemic which soon spreads amongst the Lord’s flock. One downcast believer makes twenty souls sad. Moreover, unless your courage is kept up Satan will be too much for you. Let your spirit be joyful in God your Saviour, the joy of the Lord shall be your strength, and no fiend of hell shall make headway against you: but cowardice throws down the banner. Moreover, labour is light to a man of cheerful spirit; and success waits upon cheerfulness. The man who toils, rejoicing in his God, believing with all his heart, has success guaranteed. He who sows in hope shall reap in joy; therefore, dear reader, “be thou strong, and very courageous.” ~C.H. Spurgeon

http://bible.christiansunite.com/Morning_and_Evening/chme0511.shtml

►

Wiki: Commitment devices

NY Times article: The stomach-surgery conundrum

Podcast (Freakonomics): Save me from myself

God proved faithful in fulfilling every promise He had given to Israel.

Fulfillment of some promises took several years, but “not a single one of all the promises the Lord had given to the family of Israel was left unfilled.”

God’s promises will be fulfilled according to His timetable, not ours, but we know that His word is sure. The more we learn of those promises God has fulfilled and continues to fulfill, the easier it is to hope for those yet to come.

Sometimes we become impatient, wanting God to act in a certain way now. Instead, we should faithfully do what we know He wants us to do and trust Him for the future.

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord,

“He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.”

Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.

He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.

You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.

You will only see it with your eyes
and witness the punishment of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord
—my refuge, the Most High—
your dwelling place, no harm will come to you;
no plague will come near your tent.

For He will give His angels orders concerning you,
to protect you in all your ways.

They will support you with their hands
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the young lion and the serpent.

Because he is lovingly devoted to Me,
I will deliver him;
I will protect him because he knows My name.

When he calls out to Me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble.

I will rescue him and give him honor.
I will satisfy him with a long life
and show him My salvation.

Now the Lord said to Samuel, “You have mourned long enough for Saul. I have rejected him as king of Israel, so fill your flask with olive oil and go to Bethlehem. Find a man named Jesse who lives there, for I have selected one of his sons to be my king.” …So Jesse sent for him. He was dark and handsome, with beautiful eyes. And the Lord said, “This is the one; anoint him.” So as David stood there among his brothers, Samuel took the flask of olive oil he had brought and anointed David with the oil. And the Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon David from that day on. Then Samuel returned to Ramah. (1 Samuel 16:1, 12, 13 NLT)

What do you do when you are certain you have received a clear promise from God that he will do a specific thing but long after the promise, nothing in your circumstances indicate that it is being fulfilled?

What do you do (if you were David), if a prophet comes to anoint you as king of your country and when you get summoned to the palace, what you get instead of the throne is a job to play as the palace musician for a murderous king? What do you do when the person occupying the throne that you know rightfully belongs to you starts to plot to take your life? What do you do when the ‘golden’ opportunity (contrary to the maxim that opportunity knocks only once) repeatedly presents itself to take out the obstacle to your God given throne?

The reality is that sometimes in our lives as it was in David’s, God announces the promise long before he plans to fulfill it. More importantly, God often shows us the mountain we will occupy but we often don’t get any indication as to the valleys we must cross to get to the mountain top. some scholars calculate that David was sixteen when Samuel anointed him king but we know that he was only crowned king at thirty; those years of hiding and waiting however did not change the fact that in God’s reckoning, he was the anointed king of Israel all that time.

David’s life offers us an important lesson to note while we wait for the fulfillment of God’s word in our lives. Never judge God’s word by your circumstances.

ecause God will never leave nor forsake us, we may well be content with such things as we have. Since the Lord is ours, we cannot be left without a friend, a treasure, and a dwelling place. This assurance may make us feel quite independent of men. Under such high patronage we do not feel tempted to cringe before our fellow men and ask of them permission to call our lives our own; but what we say we boldly say and defy contradiction.

He who fears God has nothing else to fear. We should stand in such awe of the living Lord that all the threats that can be used by the proudest persecutor should have no more effect upon us than the whistling of the wind. Man in these days cannot do so much against us as he could when the apostle wrote the verse at the head of this page. Racks and stakes are out of fashion. Giant Pope cannot burn the pilgrims now. If the followers of false teachers try cruel mockery and scorn, we do not wonder at it, for the men of this world cannot love the heavenly seed. What then? We must bear the world’s scorn. It breaks no bones. God helping us, let us be bold; and when the world rages, let it rage, but let us not fear it. ~C.H. Spurgeon

http://bible.christiansunite.com/Faiths_Checkbook/faith0510.shtml

The book of Proverbs is also a book of promises. Promises ought to be proverbs among the people of God. This is a very remarkable one. We are accustomed to think of our good things as in reversion, but here we are told that we shall have them in possession. Not all the malice and cunning of our enemies can work our destruction: they shall fall into the pit which they have digged. Our inheritance is so entailed upon us that we shall not be kept out of it, nor so turned out of the way as to miss it. But what have we now? We have a quiet conscience through the precious blood of Jesus. We have the love of God set upon us beyond all change. We have power with God in prayer in all time of need. We have the providence of God to watch over us, the angels of God to minister to us, and, above all, the Spirit of God to dwell in us. In fact, all things are ours. “Whether things present or things to come: all are yours.” Jesus is ours. Yea, the divine Trinity in unity is ours. Hallelujah. Let us not pine and whine and stint and slave, since we have good things in possession. Let us live on our God and rejoice in Him all the day. Help us, 0 Holy Ghost!

From the Faith’s Checkbook Mobile Devotional Android app – http://www.LookingUpwardApps.com/fcb