I return again to this image/picture/thought/memory experience of energy that I connected to the word ‘solitude’. (For context here read this sequence of posts from day 160)….” a picture of myself… sitting on the sea wall, with the sweep of the sea bay and the sea and sky in front of me…”

I have opened up the point of hope within this image connection to the word ‘sky’, in which I have walked specifically the word sky as an accepted symbol of hope in relation to fear of emptiness, and in the previous post, hope came up as in an imaginary transcendence of fear of self intimacy, an imaginary future of consciousness in which as hope I would not have to become intimately involved in this self that I had judged, hoping that I could somehow maintain an existence in which I was insulated from direct experience of self, thus accepting and allowing a basic reality of myself as fear.

Going with the sound of the word, then it would be Sitting on a SEE WALL, which reflects very much my relationship that I made as fear of self-intimacy, in which I had taken up a position of ‘sitting’ on these fears that I had manifested inside of me as the consequence of my accepted and allowed self as judgement.

Apart from connections to other words within the realms of grandiosity and sublimity, in the word ‘solitude’ I had found a kind of phonetic structured solidity that seemed to develop from ‘alone’ as a vague unconscious experience into an actual conscious position or SITuation in the world, like ‘lat-itude’ or ‘long-itude’ – yet more dimensions that seem to cross over each other in this personality creation, and that altogether given my accepted and allowed resignation from facing me within and as my fears and from questioning the validity of my own self-judgement, the formation of this personality as a ‘position’ to take within and as ‘solitude’ as ‘superior’ seemed like a hopeful solution.

I realize that there is sexual dimension to the development of this personality of Solitude and Alone. Sexuality came into my life experience at about the age of thirteen or so when I first discovered masturbation.

It was through masturbation fantasy that I became driven by a desire for sexual experience with girls as a belief in the ‘real thing’ as better, and a ‘more’ experience, and ‘going all the way’, ‘the ultimate’, according to the language of the boys around me, this was my source of information on these matters.

As for my practical discovery of masturbation, I had kept it entirely secret, even though it was a massive revelation to me of the possibilities of pleasure experience of my physical body. Revealed to me also was the meaning of all the innuendo that circulated amongst the boys, and I felt ashamed that I had been so slow, and taken such a long time to ‘get it’, so while at the same time as keeping my activities in masturbation absolutely secret, I presented myself to school friends as having known about it all along, while with family I presented myself exactly as they did, as if not knowing about it at all.

So along with masturbation came these different levels of deception and fear and seriously important barriers to be maintained between the inner world of me and my outer world. These barriers were erected out of fear of exposure of the me that I had judged as being so bad in (in this instance) accepting and allowing myself to become possessed with sexual desire. So along with this seemingly great discovery came also these dark secrets, I mean I didn’t run about saying. Hey! Look what I’ve discovered with my penis! No, in the event of these strong movements of energy in my body, this point of fear of self-intimacy arose and judgement of myself as bad came with it. It was like now I had attached this point fear of self intimacy in me to sexuality, and then accepted and allowed myself to go on to have an inner life of sexual secrecy.

Absolutely in self-interest of energy I wanted sex with, from, girls while at the same time having no comprehension of intimacy, self intimacy, or intimacy of any kind with others. I had grown up in a world without intimacy, and I was now faced with the problem of how to get sex for me with/from another being, of wanting and desiring an intimate sexual relationship with a girl. This new sexual experience energetic discovery of masturbation had pitched me into a situation of wanting something from others, and in this situation of not knowing how to cross the bridge from fantasy in which I got ‘it’ in my mind, into the real world of a relationship in which I apparently ‘got’ from outside myself, I became uncomfortably conscious of myself as being ‘alone’.

(How it was that in the act of fantasy I was replenishing my mind consciousness system with sexual energy and therefore the development and maintenance and upgrade of personality structures has only become clear to me since the advent of Desteni and specifically the Quantum Mind series and Shocking Secrets of Masturbation series, and What is Sex series all of which explore these matters in great detail.)

So I bring back here again this memory of looking at a diary, when I suddenly saw this solution of being ‘alone’ within the word ‘solitude’, where I see myself from a distance on my own sitting on a sea wall before the sea and the sky; and I have to look at here, the point of manipulation, the point of how within this solitude as a presentation of myself as a personality, I hoped I could attract the attention of a girl….

As I start to write about this manipulation point in this personality I realize that although I can see that the point of the personality creation itself is in getting energy, and also that manipulation of the environment to get energy is a function of consciousness systems, I realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this personality and who I accepted and allowed myself to be within these relationships to myself and to others, as a victim and predatory at the same time, and that because I have judged myself in this and separated myself from this, I have raised a fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or realize or understand that in reacting towards my own acceptance and allowance of manipulation of the environment to get more energy by judging myself within and as this action is in itself a further extension of the same manipulation mechanism in which I myself as physicality is the environment in which the consciousness exists and operates and seeks for energy, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this consciousness as me as judgement of myself in separation from who I am, in separation from others as me and in separation from physicality itself, all one and equal environments suitable for energy extraction by consciousness.

Here also as I write comes up the fear in relationship to sex, a fear in relation to not understanding, fear around a lack of understanding of myself, seeing and realizing that there were here great massive formative influences at work in which I had responsibility, and responsibility within rejecting my responsibility, so here begins a loop into an overwhelmingness experience.

I stop. I breathe. I am here. I do not have to and cannot face all these points that are these relationships and networks of relationships that I have accepted and allowed of who I am towards sex, women, men, mother, father, and family constructs all at once.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that this overwhelmingness experience is nothing new in my life, though when it first arrived I could not articulate it as such, but just accepted it as ‘the way I am’, or judged myself within and as it ‘as the way I am’, and so I forgive myself that I did not see or realize that this overwhelmingness experience was also part of this character formation in which I accepted and allowed myself to resign from facing me, and so manipulated myself to chose to seek out an energetic form of stability that did not include self-intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this overwhelmed experience of energy confusion within my mind as a point of blame in which I have walked away from my responsibility to direct myself within this state back into the physical as me and out of energy by accepting and allowing myself as a relationship towards this overwhelmingness as less than it and as a victim to it in which I have simply gone into a state of waiting in hope for me to ‘come down’ out of it as in a drug experience, rather than taking deliberate steps to clear myself.

I commit myself to learn to recognize this overwhelmingness experience immediately so that I can stop myself before it accumulates as a possession of multiple experiences of energy as me. I commit myself to start writing when the experience comes up, and to allow myself to rant, and not to judge its ‘relevance’. I commit myself to stop this ‘I can figure it out within my mind’ illusion that comes up in me, when clearly I can and do totally make chaos and whirlwinds out of it within my mind, which is what I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in.

Continuing into the point of fear of self-intimacy and ‘the loner’ character next post…

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

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Continued from Vlog : Closed Doors- The Loner and Self-Intimacy

A Fear dimension of the ‘loner’ personality

This continues from Fear Dimension in Day 164, Fear of Emptiness

Fear of Self-Intimacy Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as judgement of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through accepting and allowing judgement of who I am as me, to have then experienced myself as my own judgement as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in my own judgement of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose to trust in my own judgement of who I am as a decision that I have made in how to live my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should live in righteousness, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not first check where and what and how and if this righteousness existed in the world in which I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that righteousness is something real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in my positive judgement of myself and as myself as right in accepting and allowing myself as judgement of who I am, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in being my own judge of me that I am superior to whatever it is that I really am that I have judged before I gave myself the chance to know me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unaware of who I am because in accepting and allowing myself to judge myself I have created a fear within and as me and I do not wish to face myself as the fear that I created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize myself within the fear I have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the fear that I created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that I have created fear within my judgement of and as myself because I am experiencing myself according to my own decision in separation from who I am. And thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts and pictures in my mind of who and what I wanted me to be and have then looked into me and found that I am not these things and so have compared and judged me in my mind and so in this moment I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react to that which I did not find myself to be, and closed the door on me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hide myself away from me because I did not meet my expectations of myself that I had accepted and allowed as pictures in my mind. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as disappointment in my being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to become as hope that I could possibly exist without opening the door to me, without ever having to experience myself as the disappointment that I accepted and allowed myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-intimacy, to fear seeing in to me at what I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own judgement of myself if I am intimate within myself and see myself as what I am.

Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enslaved to judgement of myself in relationship to who I am, in believing that I cannot be otherwise than judgement in the presence of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress within myself this fear of intimacy with me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand why it is that I have clung to judgement of and as myself as this experience of righteousness, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to release myself from my own definition of myself as judgement because I fear to to let go of and to lose that positive experience of energy as righteousness and superiority where in fear I imagine that I will fall into my negative experience of who I am which is how I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to become a fear of the unknown as who I am, and for not allowing myself to see and realize and understand that I am unknown because I have ignored myself through fear of how I might then judge myself if I were to look into myself and see myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my own disdain of me by projecting it onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I might be judged if were to participate in a relationship of intimacy in which another being were to really get to know me.

Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose to walk alone in life rather than experience this fear of judgement of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project on others.

continuing next post…

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

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This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

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Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the negative emotional charges as an experience within me that feels lost and lonely within and as the idea of what if no one sees me, desires and/or wants me.

I forgive myself for the thought/image of myself looking, seeking, longing for attention wherein I desire to be seen, wanted, fulfilled and completed by something and/or someone outside of myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that that is how I avoid facing what I’ve become - the vampire who can’t get enough as I continue to suck the life out of me as my physical body and this physical reality through participating in and as negative and positive polarity emotions and feelings, believing I will reach a point of satisfaction when in fact it doesn’t exist,  because I AM that which I’ve been reaching for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself living my life according to a belief thus influencing my actions and reactions where I allow expectations to foster behavior that consistently manifest the expectations.

I forgive myself for the thought/image of myself where I’m sitting on the floor with my knees up and my arms wrapped around my legs with my head bent down – where I’m existing within a state of emotional abandonment in realizing what I’ve accepted and allowed in and as characters/personalities and behaviors only ever looking for answers to my own self-fulfilling prophecy no different from living the law of attraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘they don’t like me’ and/or ‘I’m not good enough‘, it’s because I’ve justified my behavior accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed, almost lost like in not realizing that my reactions are actually towards a projection as an image or picture within my mind – not a real expression of me as who I am in and as my own process -but reaching for an image of myself for greatness – instead of me getting to know me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as feeling physically famished, like a hunger and/or an emptiness within myself for how I have become in and as my attempt of living my own self-fulfilling prophecy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project future presentations of myself without yet forgiving and investigating and redesigning who I am because of having lived according to characters/personalities of/as the self-fulfilling prophecies of what I’ve accepted and allowed.

I commit myself to stop who I am and how I’ve existed in and as living my own self-fulfilling prophecy, where in self-interest and desire I’ve pursued life within the beliefs and ideas of what can I do, what can I have, what can I buy and get and/or what can I be in order that I may be happy.

I commit myself to stop the dreams of and as my mind of what might have been and realize that ‘Might’ keeps me locked into the past of emotions, feelings and moods, thus, I commit myself to stop manipulating myself through thoughts into words which I’ve perceived to be acceptable and to instead direct my thoughts to become a living expression of who I choose to be as an expression of life within and as a practical living example that will ensure that everyone have a right to life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to face the fear of facing the nature of who I’ve become as my thoughts and to allow myself to direct my thoughts as what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become to that which is able to walkas the directive principle of self according to and as the principle of equality.

——
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Thought Image: Who I am as solitude, sitting on a sea wall in front of the SKY. (see Day 160)

Within the Loner personality, the shift from the negative ‘alone’ through hope as a movement towards positivity into ‘solitude’ as a state of ‘sublime’.

Hope

Bringing back my eyes from out of the sky has been a corrective application that I have started today. It has been a long established physical habit to plant my eyes into ‘the blue’, focused on infinity, like a resting place, ever since I used to slip out of the classroom window, away from here. I do not mean by this that I now stop looking at the sky, but to make sure that when I am looking at the sky, to actually really look at just the physical sky, because the activity that I am correcting here is the habit of not looking at or seeing the physical sky but only a symbolic representation of it as a design of an energetic reality that I have accepted and allowed.

When and as I become aware of this movement in my eyes towards the window or the sky I stop and I breathe, until I bring myself back here. I do not accept any longer this movement as a dimensional shift from where I am now into a state of hope. Instead I realize that I have initiated in myself an experience of fear and that I am participating in a reaction towards and away from it rather than facing and specifying exactly what it is and who I am within this, because I see and realize and understand that unless I take responsibility for who I am by standing in this moment then I have chosen to conserve this fear rather than through understanding what it actually is being able to be equal to it rather than inferior to it and hence being able to actually let it go.

I commit myself to really see and understand the sabotage of hope through which I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself as fear rather than to stand and face myself within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize the physical sky as an energetic reality within my mind, as an external projection of my being as fear of emptiness, making out of it a symbol of hope and a reference to positive energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in this fear of emptiness that I have written that I must A VOID.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize the physical sky as an energetic reality within my mind, as an external projection of my being as fear of my responsibility within my abdication of directive principle through which I have made of the sky a symbol of hope and a reference to positive energy experience as mystical spiritual or religious experience in which I make-believe a scenario of my reprieve and the absolution of my responsibility in an overwhelmingness of some abstract higher responsibility or power.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize the physical sky as an energetic reality in order to seek out a familiar contentment within positive feelings and experiences of energy within my imagination, having apparently escaped from who I am as fear.

More on this next post…

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

NEW

the FREE DIP LITE Course now available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Andrea Rossouw: Who I am as Money  ’Heaven’s Journey to Life’ Blog Review

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversations and back chat where within my mind I would say to myself: “when I have kids I will be different from my parents and not be greedy with my money”, or, “I will not favor one of my children over the other one” and within that, I see, realize and understand how in doing so I’ve been existing within a point of ego and spite in believing myself as superior and furthermore fueling myself as my mind within and as ego as a positive energetic charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within and as a beLIEf system where I told myself that money was not that important, when the fact was/is, is that money has been at the root of every decision I’ve made since I was 16 years old and pregnant, and for how money determined who I said I loved and for the fear of facing the consequences of being alone and broke, without money to properly care for my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly within my mind throw a silent temper tantrum when my parents didn’t buy me what I wanted them to and for how I utilized anger as a replacement for the negative experience I was having because in anger and ego I experienced superiority as a positive energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue the same pattern as my parents in how I raised my children in that I used money as a motivator by giving them things that gave them a sense of superiority over their classmates who couldn’t afford certain things like an expensive pair of the most popular shoes being worn at school for example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise me as my physical body wherein I made choices as a single mom and remained in a relationship of a sexual nature because in doing so I was given rent money and/or was able to buy food to feed my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to my past behaviors and for the choices I made in order to have money, and within that for how I willingly accepted that this is how life is and that I should just bow down to our current money/world system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for the anger I feel towards the rich/elite and for my lack of responsibility for not realizing that money is/has been my God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to borrow and loan money to members of my family and then through broken promises have accepted and allowed myself to exist in resentment, greed and hate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety within my chest area when my bank account gets low of money and for the fear in the pit of my stomach in worry of what will I do if I run out of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have taught my children how to be enslaved to money – instead of being a living example of life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop who I’ve been in and as the very fabric of family as money, and to instead direct myself through self-forgiveness to walk the physical change in redesigning who I am as life according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself within the desire to make myself and my children ‘feel’ better by trying to solve problems with money that I can’t afford to spend and/or that I don’t have, I stop, I breathe – Instead I direct myself to realize that I am actually seeking to achieve a positive energy experience to replace a negative one.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself re-acting to my children in fear for their future, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that the same as me, they must walk their process in seeing, stopping, forgiving and in self-honesty re-designing who they are to one that supports a world/money system that will be supportive of all life equally.

I commit myself to stop who I am as panic within my mind when I see that my bank account is getting low and to instead focus on writing, self-forgiveness and supporting an Equal Money System to thus end our enslavement to and as money.

I commit myself to continue to walk this my Journey to Life, to establish and manifest an expression of myself within and as my physical body and reality whereas I stop who I’ve become defined as through emotions/feelings and energy programmed through by/as money and to within that direct myself to contribute to creating and manifesting a world that is in fact best for all.

——–

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Earth Journey to Life

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The ‘loner’ personality. Deeper into the fear dimension.

Much support in this context from interview 59 in the Reptilians series. And see also the relationship of Hope to Fear that currently is being walked in much detail in Heaven’s Journey to Life: 237, 238, 239, 240

Opening up the emptiness layer, and facing this ‘emptiness’ as the absence of directive-principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face this fear that I have existed in this system without directive principle, but have instead substituted an image of emptiness with which to cover up this fear so that I can never see what I have done, but have chosen instead to shape my life as a personality around a reaction of fear towards this emptiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear within and as this shell of personality as configurations of energy values as systems of lies that operate on automatic motivations of energy awareness as self interest and within this shell have existed in a secret fear of what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize or face this fear square on because if I were to do so then I would be forced to take responsibility within this system as myself and not any more allow this system to drive me and to move me as I have accepted and allowed throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to recognize that it was me that let go of directive principle, and so within that fear have looked into an emptiness of fear, not recognizing that what I see is the absence of myself as the responsibility of life, and so have lived accordingly as blame of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being exposed as a fake because I have been presenting myself as having some control of the political situation when in fact I am in a state of reaction and constant manipulation by global corporations as the personalities that I have accepted and allowed and legalized within the system of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sought for dignity and self respect in the position that I have taken in absolute denial of and therefore blindness to my letting go of my responsibility as my directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a foundation relationship towards myself as self deception as a belief in who I am as this fear of my basic lie that I am not responsible for the way I am, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as consciousness within a preference of a life of shame according to the nature of my judgement of myself as this apparent emptiness and lackingness which I have accepted and allowed myself to use so that I can exist as a victim in secret righteousness of blame of an emptiness as my lack of beingness as a cover rather than to see and realize and face the reality that I have separated from myself and from my own responsibility as life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make such absolutely unsupportive decisions in my life about who I am in relation to myself that would develop into this ‘loner’ personality out of a respect for fear and out of respect for my own judgement of myself as the righteous one, rather than respect or even comprehension of myself as life.

I commit myself to stand and face myself within this fear of my own automation of myself in awareness of the programming that I have accepted and allowed in the realization that all of it has been according to my own decision. I commit myself to shift out of this awareness as my programming as energy that constitutes this personality array I have become and to stay with myself as breath and as awareness in my breath, here, and as such to walk the details of how I have separated myself from life and from the substance of the physical.

Continuing next post…

Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World

NEW

the FREE DIP LITE Course now available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Andrea Rossouw: Who I am as Money  ’Heaven’s Journey to Life’ Blog Review

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

Equal Money will change the way life itself is experienced especially since the Majority of us are struggling every day just to survive, thus, there are certainly enough to breathe Equal Money into Life.

I’ve realized through some personal writings how money has played a Huge factor in who I am and how I’ve come to accept and allow our current world/money system to exist as it is.  For instance, I measured my mother’s love for me according to how much money she was willing and/or able to spend on me even though at the time I didn’t realize it – how her spending initiated a positive energetic charge within me and so she, (or rather her money) was able to make me feel good. When she didn’t get me what I wanted, my experience of myself was a negative one and it just so happened that was 95% of the time.

I can remember having internal conversations and back chat where within my mind I would say to myself: “when I have kids I will not be so greedy with my money”, “I will not favor one of my children over the other one”.  And as a kid, I was sure my mom spent more money on my brothers and sisters than she did on me.

The thing is, when I grew up and had kids,  I repeated the same patterns as my parents. Eventually I favored my youngest daughter over my other daughter and my oldest child, my son – here I’m referring to the amount of money I have given and /or spent on them.
The fact is, I’ve done a grave injustice in how I’ve raised all of my children and specifically with my youngest and with regards to money. I was always trying to make my children happy, to ‘fix’ their world – always trying to make them ‘feel’ good and in doing so, of course I made myself feel better, or so I ‘thought’.

There is a huge problem when one is trying to make someone ‘feel’ better because ‘feeling good’ is Not the magic formula to becoming a responsible human being who is considerate of All life.  In fact, just the opposite happens.

I can see how all of the emotions and feelings surrounding the numerous moments when a bill couldn’t be paid or when there wasn’t enough money to buy food – all the pain and suffering could have been prevented with Equal Money.

Equal Money is a living example of what it is to be responsible for All Life on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money as a motivator for my reason for the fear of feeling rejected by my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I’ve become within what I believed was expected of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my children within my world of fear which I’ve continued to exist within and as based in memory/characters and personalities that I first imagined and created for myself as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the image/thought of the look on my mom’s face when she would get angry at me for asking her to buy something for me – and for how I resisted the image so much so that I became it and then created the opposite side of the coin of it in that I over indulged in order to manifest a positive energy experience within and as me and for my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed internal conversations and backchat to determine the choices I made with regards to money in raising my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put on a happy face in the face of others all the while inside myself existing within a split version of myself trying to maintain the positive within a negative experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have suppressed myself because I believed I couldn’t express my feelings and opinions about money and family social status.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how easy it is to deceive myself and others with a smile.

Suggest for context Hear: Living in Two Worlds – Life Review

to be continued
———
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Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite my own reality and the reality of all life on earth that gives me assistance and support to breathe and live by believing in my mind that I can choose to walk alone.

Continuation from previous posts.

A fear dimension of the ‘loner’.

In these recent posts I have been gathering together aspects of this ‘loner’ personality, gathering the words that I have lived as personalities that together have worked as parts of this main ‘loner’ as a polarity between ‘alone’ as a negative and ‘solitude’ as a positive. The word sublime came up as a sort of unconscious or secret context for this solitude.

Fear of who I am within and as sublime, as the greatest most and more of more experience, when I test it out, is fear of emptiness, fear of me as empty and hollow and without content, fear of experiencing myself as an empty shell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing myself as hollow and empty and without content and as an empty shell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being exposed by others and judged as hollow and empty and without content and as an empty shell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing who I am through fear of being perceived as empty and hollow and without content and as an empty shell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how I have interpreted with my mind the perceptions of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lacking some essential thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must hide the ‘fact’ that I am lacking some essential thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that others had already spotted that I am lacking some essential thing, but are keeping it as a secret among themselves, out of sympathy and kindness, so as not to ‘upset’ me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my belief that I am responsible for the feelings of others, through which I blame them indirectly for holding out on me because if they did not do this then I believe I would be forced to experience in myself the feelings which I fear, which is this experience that I have chosen for myself in my own judgement of myself as inferior and inadequate for life as in the realization caused by my belief in my lackingness as empty and hollow and without content and as an empty shell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and then to judge myself as inferior, and through this judgement to experience myself as inferior to others, as an experience of shame of who I am within my being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have decided that I must walk this life ‘alone’ as this experience of lackingness in fear of being exposed by others and judged as hollow and empty and without content and as an empty shell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have decided that I must walk ‘alone’ and for not allowing myself to see and realize and understand that this decision has been made on the grounds of fearing to experience myself as the negativity of my own self judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe implicitly in my judgements of myself so that I can feed my addiction to an experience of rightness that I have given a positive value to without consideration of how I am condemning and sabotaging myself and accepting who I am as the victim of my judgement.

I breathe. I am here. I see and realize and understand the fear through which I accepted and allowed a hope to manifest within myself as a positive interpretation of this aloneness as ‘solitude’ in which I could extend this personality into a positive domain and give myself a sense of dignity and self respect, while not realizing that all of it was self deception, and that within and as this word sublime I had found a way to glorify my self interest.

I change this decision in myself to walk ‘alone’. I see and realize and understand that this is and always has been only possible in an alternative reality of the mind, and therefore that this walk alone is a walk into the mind.

I commit myself to let go of this addiction to rightness as a positive energy and to this belief in the judgements that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and be directed by and to learn to support and assist myself  with my own direction of myself within and as my breath and as the physical.

I will continue with this next post…

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I Know I can do it – a full potential that can only exist in our minds  if it’s not lived as the totality of who we are here in one single moment that it can be placed into physical/ practical living application- otherwise we then simply become great parrots.

Through reading Heaven’s Journey To Life, I realized that this ‘I Know’ is no different to hope and having ‘faith’ in oneself which is a synonym of inaction and further waiting for something/ somehow being able to direct ourselves in the future, and in the meantime the ‘I Know’ remains as a point of security – as mentioned in the previous blogs, a false-confidence that serves no purpose other than holding a thoughtful-assertiveness without any physical results that prove it to be so in fact.

Continuing from:

230. Opposing My Roots

• 235. Intelligence = Profitable Props for the Ego
• 236. Perfect Slave with Badges of Honor
• 237. Living IntelliSense as Life in Equality
• 238. I KNOW I Can

So, I’ve been debunking this self-belief of intelligence as just that: an accepted and allowed tag as ‘who I am’ that is no different to any other category we tend to reduce ourselves to. Therefore within this self-belief it is no different to holding the idea of a god in our minds having some form of power over others – same when I say ‘I Know I can Do it’ but not do it.

Memory within the ‘I Know I Can’ Character – Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

Event/ Memory: Being worried, stressed out, anxious about an exam when I was either in 2nd or 3rd grade primary school and my mother saw me all worried about it and told me ‘You Know You Can, others that really can’t should worry, but not you’  within this creating a sense of security within the acknowledging of another that ‘I can’ because I simply didn’t trust myself – and from this moment on, I would hear the same words in my mind the moment I would go into any form of stress about exams or any other academic point wherein my ‘performance’ was going to be measured. Within this, it became like a ‘magical motto’ that I would use to gain confidence but never really dissected what was it that was implied within this single ‘You know you can’ statement that became my ‘I Know I Can.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to base a security of who I am according to Knowing what I am capable of based on previous results and experiences of getting a high-grade with certain ease wherein I would realize that stressing out was not required since I would always excel, which became a conceited way of existing as a knowledgeable character wherein I became of this knowledge-ego as myself as this certainty that became a self belief, creating a consequence of me really not being self-honest with myself because I stopped giving ‘it all’ that I could based on comparing myself to Others that would be in a much ‘lesser position’ and accordingly, measure my abilities/ capabilities as always remaining ‘on top’ but only through ranking systems wherein I stopped pushing myself further to actually develop skills or improve myself, but create a form of mediocrity wherein all that mattered is that I ‘knew’ how to do it,and would do it but that was it, there was no longer any push or drive because in my eyes and at the eyes of others, I was apparently already ‘good enough’ or ‘intelligent’ so

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within a self belief of ‘knowing’ which eventually became only a fluffy ego self-belief without any form of actual work, substance behind it, becoming this façade as personality that people would identify myself with, without me precisely working on actually being/ becoming a ‘better person’ according to my standards then, but just keep myself ‘on top’ to remain within that position at the eyes of others, but knowing within myself that I wasn’t really ‘giving my all’ and developing further skills and abilities, it only became an ego-driven effort to ‘keep my spot’ but not actually do it for myself for the purpose of actually expanding and learning more about myself,  within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become apathetic when it came to all things school, because within this ego of ‘I know it all’ everything became too repetitive within my mind, too useless, too dull and boring because of me believing that I was ‘at the top’ and there was nothing else to aspire to within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to spite my own predictability of becoming someone ‘great’ within the world system just like all the other kids with ‘great grades’ such as what I had back then, and because of deeming this ‘excelling’ within the system as something that I had to do but also resisted/ feared, I ended up opting for an ‘unexpected choice’ in life wherein I did all I could to dedicate myself to studies that had nothing to do with ‘being intelligent’ apparently, only spiting my own character and ending up trapped in my own web  – so to speak  – because of this choice being made out of spite and ended up spiting myself and getting caught in my own regret as another for of stagnation – which is unacceptable, because I was indeed the one that made the decisions and in no way are such decisions being considering what’s best for all, but only spite the entirety of who I had accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had ‘nothing else to do’ or nothing else to be or become because I had it ‘too easy’ and as such, would get the same experience in any school or career because the problem was not the school or what I chose to study but my starting point and self experience within it and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the careers I chose, the people I chose to be with, the likes and preferences I developed and essentially the totality of my choices in life as something that ‘didn’t work,’ without realizing that all of that was simply according to who I accepted and allowed myself to be as this knowing-character with no practical living considerations of what would actually be self supportive in self honesty, because I am well aware that I only sought my ‘highest excitement’ within my choices in life – therefore

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make my choices in life as to what to study, who to establish relationships with, what to be ‘inclined’ to learn more about, the ‘type of personality’ that I became was all driven by/ through energy as the mind that sought a point of excitement within what I perceived as a dull life experience, within this not realizing that I deliberately sought to create a form of inner conflict to ‘make my life more entertaining’ as in having something to be sad about/ be regretful and essentially trapped in my own mind bubble of regrets, without realizing that no matter which choices I would have made, I was going to end up in the same position because there was no principle established in order to live in self honesty and within the consideration of self support, because that didn’t exist in my frame of reference back then. Thus,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and blame others in my past and all the influences that I had throughout my life for having made the choices and decisions that I made, without realizing that it was only me that participated fully and fool-y within/ as them, playing the character for myself and others while holding a high expectation that was only sustained as a self-belief – not real as an actual physical movement of which one could only get the basics that would allow me to keep such position in place, but within me I Know that I didn’t quite give it ‘all’ myself as an actual self-movement, which ensued apathy and dullness within myself toward anything having to do with being ‘creative’ or ‘good’ at something, not realizing that these energetic experiences were the consequential opposite outflow of first having chosen my career and studies based on an energetic high where no 1+1 was considered and I am fully responsible for that, and well aware of it, wherein

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make decision in life based on energetic experiences of wanting to seek my ‘feel good’ point as a certain character/ personality that ‘I knew’ I could fulfill, without ever actually taking this decision and projecting it to see what are the practical points that I can employ myself in and being realistic about it according to how the world system works, which shows/ reveals that I wasn’t in my 5 senses when I made the decision, but was existing as this ‘fluffy’ type of self-belief of me ‘Knowing that I can make it’ as this self-faith and self-belief of being ‘capable of doing anything I can’ but never really testing out and walking the practical physical considerations of what I would be able to work in and do within these careers and actually Do it as an informed decision – but, I didn’t hence the consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my mother’s words in a similar vein to the ‘you know you an do it,’ type of self-belief and hearing ‘you are going to be great no matter what you do,’ and in this believe that I could in fact excel and be the best ‘no matter what I do’ which is what positive thinking and talk lead to: creating a self-hope and self-faith of being potentially able to be the best wherever and whatever we do and become – which is not a ‘bad’ thing in itself, but how I lived those words as a form of false-certainty with no practical application.

I realize that within these words that became backchat, I became only a character that could live-out these self definitions within the law of the least effort wherein my results were compared toward others and within this, living up to simply ‘maintaining’ the character but not really being here as myself being self-directive in everything that I do, which is what we tie ourselves to within this world system: remaining as that specific character For others and neglecting an actual self-development to our fullest potential, which is not even encouraged within our current education system either no matter how many ranks and studies one may have, it is still within the confinement of a selective-preparation that one can do wherein the actual beingness of the person is  – most of the times – not regarded, but only accumulating further knowledge and information as a form of ‘betterment’ that has never been based on actually supporting a human being to become a Living being in the consideration of equality as life or any other living principle that we can live by for the betterment of all – in essence, a blatant self-belief with no actual practical application.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to elevate myself to my own expectations of being ‘good’ at whatever I decide to do, and take these words as an actual ‘positive statement,’ without realizing that if I would not in fact investigate in a practical physical matter what I would want to do, it would only became just another energetic-driven experience with no self awareness of the practical use of my decisions in life for an actual betterment of life.  Within this

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that this ranking system in the school system more creates a sense of specialness/ uniqueness toward those with ‘high grades’ without really providing with an actual education and support toward actually being/ becoming something and someone that provides with an actual insight of the necessary points to change/ implement within this society for a common betterment, because none of this has been propagated or taught in schools, which then places into question the entire schooling system in itself, wherein if what’s best for all is not placed as the common-goal within any field of studies, then: what are we actually supporting as ‘education’? Who are we becoming within this education system within such terms and conditions of not really aiming at doing what’s best for all? Is then a so-called intelligent person within this system that is not aiming at supporting life in equality an actual honorable definition of what Intelligence should be in this world’? No, it only becomes a synonym of being well trained to not ask questions, seek your permanent status within such ‘higher ranks’ in society, get well paid about it, become an example for others to follow which is what enables the system to be perpetrated generation after generation, no one questioning what these ‘higher ranks’ in society are actually based and founded upon.

Within this all, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live out as an ego that believes can excel in ‘everything I decide to do,’ wherein it mostly became a sense of ingrained superiority against others as the primary self experience of ‘knowing better/ knowing more’ and creating this security based on what others believe me to be – only to then find myself obviously dismantling the entire self belief and realizing that if we look at what I actually did is nothing but just surfing on the ranks to maintain a mediocre superiority status for the sake of ‘keeping my spot’ as being intelligent/ responsible person, but the Who I was within such results was not really here as a self-directive being, actually doing it fully and whole heartedly, because I actually within this ‘having faith’ within myself, eventually ‘lost faith’ within myself and everything/ everyone, which became this constant apathetic self experience toward the world as the usual cycles of ‘what’s the use in this,’ without realizing that this is the ‘nitty gritty’ point that I often hit as a continuous cycle once that ‘I know how it will all end anyways’ wherein I actually become the predicament of my own thinking processes, wherein we trap ourselves within our own loops of ‘knowing how it all ends’ and blindly driving ourselves to repeat the same experiences over and over again with no change – why? Because who I am within what I do is not fully self-honest as the realization that I had never in fact lived and that all I pretended to ‘know’ and be able to project an outcome of was only a way to ‘give up’ on myself before even starting, give up on any actual self-motivation because of seeing the world as just ‘too fucked’ to have any change be possible –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still hold on to a belief deep inside that there is no way we can change humanity, which is the ingrained ‘doomsday’ type of self-experience that I became wherein I mostly lived up to others’ expectations but not really placing all my beingness and effort and self-direction toward an actual living, doing all that I can to in fact develop myself further in a certain area or activity, just because of still holding on to this self-doom shadow as a constant presence of ‘nothing that you do will work, will make a difference’ which translates into an ingrained dullness and apathy within myself, giving up before even trying and just keeping a certain ‘standard’ but not really physically directing myself to for the first time motivate myself to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop challenging myself in life just because of believing that I have gotten to the ‘peak’ too fast and there was nothing else to ‘attain’ and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate life to an ‘attainment’ of sorts, believing that being alive was a synonym of getting ‘high’ in any form of rank of what ‘success’ is now measured within this world and reality, and within that realizing success for what it is, spiting it/ doing all I could to not become that, but only within an energetic-spite that then became as a hopelessness and uselessness wherein it did not matter how much I ‘knew’ it was ‘useless’ because it was never being placed within the consideration of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of taking responsibility for our creation as this world system, create an experience about it, which is like complaining about our own fuckup as a form of victimization to not actually take self responsibility for it. Thus

When and as I see myself creating an Experience about our current world condition based on ‘what I Know,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that in this I am only focusing on my own self experience and use it as an excuse to not move, instead of simply moving, doing and directing myself to face the consequences of which I am absolutely self responsible for in an equal manner, consider what’s best for all and direct myself as it, physically – not thinking about it.

I realize that the perceived ‘apathy toward living’ is only an elitist self-experience that we are able to embody because we are secluded in this minute bubble of self-experience where the reality and the actual suffering in this world that is existent within everyone that have no access to money is simply disregarded, no considered – which proves how this apathy, hopelessness, helplessness and uselessness is only an egotistical experience wherein we are only looking at ‘how we FEEL about life/ our reality’ and create this entire self experience accordingly, instead of actually looking at the world physically, understand the flaws, understand how Nothing has worked in the past as a point of change and see where we have missed ourselves as living beings within it all.

I see, realize and understand that within this ‘knowing’ point, we diminish ourselves to our own self-beliefs as limitations that are and have never been based upon an actual consideration of Life, because Life is not a knowing but a living.

Within this, it is to currently realize that we have to walk the transition point from knowledge and information and all the characters we’ve become around this self-belief system of fake values, and individually walk our own self correction to establish a self-honest starting point within Anything that we are currently doing – because I realize that no matter what choices I would have made in life, I would have lead myself to the same ‘uselessness’ experience where nothing seems  to work, nothing seems to make a difference because nothing of what is currently existing in this world is Meant to/ designed to/ created to make an actual difference in this world. Therefore

I commit myself to Live the realization that no matter where I am, what I do and the choices I make, nothing of what currently exists as the past and the old system that we are still living in is designed to ‘work’ and ‘function’ and be suitable for an actual birthing of life – because this IS precisely our task, our duty, our point of responsibility and within this

When and as I see myself ever again getting to the point of ‘oh but nothing I do will change anything within the world/ others’ without realizing that it is so, nothing will change and nothing will move if our starting point remains within the same old ‘starting point’ of this entire world system as it exist today, wherein nothing is veered toward an actual functional best for all outcome. Thus I realize that that is our work, that is our duty, that is our self responsibility that will not emerge ‘by magic’ but has to actually be conducted within self awareness of the required changes in the system in order to then be able to align ourselves to that which will create  a substantial point of support for ourselves and others in this world.

I realize that there will be no quick fixes or results either, as such ‘quick results/ fixes’ exist only as a mind-interpretation of reality wherein no actual physical processes have been considered, nor any form of actual relationship that exists within ourselves toward each other and all the other living species, which then places into question how we have in fact never lived, because we have only ever equated ourselves to fulfill the same old standards within a system that has never really in fact functioned to support life.

Thus I commit myself to live the understanding and realization that a Knowing can only stand within the past of everything that we have been and become, and that nothing of this has ever in fact been living-conditions for each other – and that the motivation to then actually live won’t come as a Knowing of anything that we’ve been in the past, but must be walked s a practical living daily application of letting go of everything that we Believe we know and instead, walk ourselves through a process of re-directing ourselves to consider physical reality outcomes and current systematic transitions wherein yes, we are in this world, we have to still present a knowledgeable act but! who we are within ourselves is an awareness of this being a single ‘transition period’ that we have to walk through, facing our failures and manifested consequences and within doing so, concomitantly paving the way for a new ay of living and existing, as I see and realize that the process of birthing ourselves as life won’t have any ‘precedents’ within this system, it is an absolute self movement within the realization that it isn’t preprogrammed, it won’t come ‘easy’ or it won’t be defined according to ‘who I have been’ in my past. It is entirely subject to my own self movement here in every moment of breath.

Thus, from the past we can take what is useful and what can be molded/ shaped or corrected in its starting point to be able to function within the Equality System as the Equal Money System, wherein people won’t be regarded as ‘more’ for knowing what everyone will be equally capable of living/ doing – but instead, we will focus on supporting ourselves to develop practical skills that are readily useful to sustain ourselves in this world system as equals – no more hierarchical ranks in schooling systems of any kind.

I commit myself to stop existing in this self-hope of ‘I know I can’ but instead stop the past within myself by realizing that I don’t require to have this self-positive-talk as assertiveness, but simply direct myself to do it, within the consideration of having to walk through the past in order to correct it here as myself.

I commit myself to stop regretting the choices I’ve made in life and believing that they lead me to failure, without realizing that all in this world is currently failing and that the only way that we can stand up for ourselves is walking through this failure, facing the consequences and concomitantly living the solution within our living application of doing, being, proposing what is Best for All.

I commit myself to live the realization that we have to walk through the past, give it an actual ‘good riddance’ as a self-corrective process to face what we have become, what we left behind and everything we ‘Know’ but didn’t act upon and instead, give ourselves a start from scratch in order to actually build/ create what we are willing to stand equal and one to as our self-awareness creation, to no longer have to create a ‘negative’ or ‘positive’ experience about ourselves and ‘who we are’ within this world, but instead simply focus on aligning ourselves to be and become equal contributors to a best for all outcome in this physical reality – no more and no less, using the knowledge and information that can provide us with actual insights and data that we can consider in order to establish a world system based in Equality, the same process that we can apply for ourselves to not maximize our capabilities only at a thought level, but rather physically supporting ourselves and each other to ground such potentials toward an actual doing that ensues a result that benefits the whole in equality.

To be continued…

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The following illustration depicts this point, it is only going back to the ground wherein we can rebirth ourselves from scratch. It is then quite obvious how we could not be able to make ourselves ‘succeed’ from the starting point of everything we have believed ourselves to be. This is our equal point of starting from scratch, and this is how no one can possibly be ‘more’ than others  or ‘more advanced’ as nothing in this world can possibly provide such advancement without the illusion of progress being tainted by self-abuse.

Time to live in common sense and realize that every breath is our equal-starting point as physical beings that can direct ourselves to live the words we write/ speak in common sense – this will prevent any form of perceived ‘failure’ in this world system, as we have all in fact already failed to live as equals – hence, the willingness to walk this self-corrective process: there is no way out of this, we have to face our creation.

Good riddance to any form of laureate past since everything we have done and become in this world has been based and founded upon abuse, there is no way to keep any form of honor within what we’ve become as that would be ego and self separation.

Blogs:

• 
  

  HOPE – the Metaphysical Carrot (Part 3): DAY 239

• Day 239: Assumption as God – ADC – Part 86

• This blog is part of the After Death Communication Series

Interviews:

• Journeys into the Afterlife – The Soul Family (Part 1) – Part 40

• Journeys into the Afterlife – The Soul Family (Part 2) – Part 41

• Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 38

• Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 39

• Can you Ever Trust your Mind? – Reptilians – Part 127

• Giving Up on Myself – Life Review

‘You KNOW You Can’ – Yes, but from Knowing to Doing there is Quite a Road to actually Walk.

Through repetition according to how other define us, we end up believing that ‘we are’ in fact that which we hear others say about ourselves. I have shared how people formed this opinion of me being ‘intelligent and responsible’ and I simply, as mind/ consciousness system,’ decided to direct my life in a way wherein I would not have to be/ act such role any longer- why? Because I had gotten ‘sick of it’ as if such things that I had considered as ‘normal traits’ within me were suddenly more of a course than a gift of sorts. Why? Because of the obvious disparity it created. I could not fathom why someone had to struggle a lot through school and I hadn’t, and they would study ‘a lot’ and still get the minimum grade. While I could spend hours just watching TV, leaving the studies for 12:00 am for my test the next morning. This became a habit since junior high school. Then it later on became a single assumption ‘I don’t have to study/ I don’t have to do that, I simply Know that I can do it’ – and I could, because I realized that one required to ‘pay attention’ to the class and with that you would get most of what you required to get a good grade – that’s where my focus and attention was, but not so much any more in studying in itself – again the memory point.

I do remember that whenever I was more apprehensive about school, which was around the first years of elementary school, I would be so nervous and anxious about my exams, I would do multiple questionnaires to aid me to study all the material for exams, writing supported me a lot to integrate the knowledge this way, even doing the so call ‘cheating little papers’ you know where you place potential answers for your exams and so forth, even just by having done those, I would not actually require to take them out during the exam, because writing had supported with me integrating the information for the moment. This is a cool point to consider and that I suggest when working with knowledge and information as required within school: write down with pen and paper what you see are the main points, like summing up the basic points that you require to learn. It assists with also being able to identify the core points of a writing and synthesize it with key words – even doing mind maps/ concept maps became another way of studying, which was then done as normal school work – not precisely ‘exam task’ – and so, I could just read through the mind map before exam and get the basics, pass well and the job was done.

My mother would tell me: you shouldn’t worry about the exams, only those that Do Not Know should worry – You Know You Can. And so that created quite a sense of confidence within me, like hey silly me, yes I can, why am I worrying then? And I mean, obviously this is My own point and my own fuckup – mother is not really the cause here – but I developed this ‘over confidence’ about the point, because as the title of the blog says ‘I Know’ and it became like a Self-Faith as me being capable of Doing things, even mind projecting myself already getting it all done and having no problem at all and having the greatest grades. Well, it did happen this way – among with the regular school work that I would definitely do as an extension of myself, meaning to me doing homework was like going to the toilet after you’ve eaten= there is no separation from taking knowledge and then working on it as your homework. Of course the level of integration varied from information to information according to the definitions I had given myself to with regards to certain subjects – like digging more subjects like English, Spanish, History, Social Sciences than Physics or Math – however I would pull out the show without a problem.

The ‘problem’ then came up when, within this over-confidence – I started following the law of the least effort, not giving it my ‘all’ in school – and this I have written about a lot in terms of my career which for other reasons I simply ‘walked through to get it done – but the situation is how this ‘I Know I Can’ became an ego entity speaking to itself wherein no actual push, no actual will to develop oneself further was instigated from my side, because I believe that I was ‘cool’ with what I had as a so called skill or ability, essentially me reducing myself to this ‘ability/ skill’ and Con.Forming to it, like a form of mediocrity in fact – no wonder I had judged people as ‘mediocre’ because I have stepped into it myself.

So this is a blow for the ‘intellectual ego’ because as much as I thought I was Not ‘intelligent’ as people would see or perceive me to be, I ended up somehow believing it was real and that I was just trying to be modest or something, which is all just a plain mindfuck personality-system playing hot and cold from pole to pole within one single self-definition, without realizing that Life/ Living is Not a Knowing, it is a Doing. And from ‘knowing’ that one can be good at something, that one can excel, that one can pull out a certain project in an absolute ‘flawless’ manner to the actual Doing of it, here’s a Long way to actually physically walk.

This is thus the mind-superiority as an over-confident ego that will only have ‘everything under control/ everything planned’ it’s almost like ‘I got it all wrapped up under my sleeve’ as a magic trick where no actual Doing is seen. This is what happens the moment I came to live the definition of ‘I know that I can’ without taking that mind abstraction to a physical level of actually Doing it.

And so the only reason why we can give ourselves this ‘time’ to only ‘think about things’ and not doing it, is because we’re not in a survival mode or actually having our lives depending on actually Moving ourselves to do something, regardless of how ‘master/ good’ or ‘bad’ you see yourself within a task. It is absolutely irrelevant to know ‘who you are’ without placing that beingness into application, it is actually quite a spiteful mode to live in wherein we ‘know our potential’ but follow the law of the least effort, just because – again – our lives do not depend on it, or so we believe.

This is a proof of how it is only through fear and threats that we stop assuming ‘who we are’ and actually walk the road to see what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become when creating this pedestal for ourselves as our minds while placing the least dedication and walking our lives in a half assed manner that only lead us to feel further ‘fucked up’ within it all, because we KNOW what we are doing, but we’re not doing anything to change the point, to direct ourselves – and this is what I can spot as the money-laziness which permeates our lives, wherein within this apathetic view upon reality we believe that ‘there’s nothing worth continuing living for, everything is fucked’ – but, we haven’t realized that such ‘fuckedupness’ is our own manifested consequence to live this law of the least effort and living a mediocre way of existing that only perpetuates the old ways in which we have lived thus far, which is certainly not honoring ourselves and each other as Life, but only mimicking survival mechanisms to ‘get by’ within this world and have no intention at all for changing our own situation within this, nor the greater picture of the world system for that matter.

So this is part of what I will be walking in relation to the ‘Intelligent Character’ as Self Definition, stemming from the ‘greater branch’ that I’ve been walking as the Elitist Character, because there would be no ‘intelligent character’ in place if I didn’t have the money to live in an elitist way, which is having money to live in dignity and have basic services and education, which is something that the majority in this world Don’t Have – that already places into question any form of ‘human intelligence’ that has not come up with any ‘bright idea’ to stop our limited accepted and allowed world-condition, that is until now.

Support the Equal Money System to understand then how we don’t require to be Nobel-Prize winners to come up with the brightest most revolutionary way to change this world system and as such, change the way we live life on Earth forever, an actual Doing stemming from a practical living consideration.

“the Problem that Exist, where the Platform is Infused with Religious Doctrine throughout Childhood, and all the Conclusions that the Mind will Jump to when giving Value to Experiences where the Person would Regard the Experience as ‘Evidence’ that their ‘Knowledge’ is in fact ‘True’. And Obviously, these Experiences will be Repeated, because – the Mind will Search out, That which the Individual Seek to Prove to itself. And so, Falling in the Trap of the ‘Assumption God’, becomes a very simple thing as Evidenced by multiple groups on Earth with Very Diverse Views, all Claiming to have Evidence and Experience “that their Version of God, is the True God”.” – Bernard Poolman *

 

This explanation is describing essentially our self-religion where the self as the mind believes everything we talk ourselves into for an extended period of time, it is thus trusting our own ‘god’ that works upon energetic experiences but, little is ever  actually taken into application. It is no different to when you are high and imagine these beautiful ideas, creations, plans and you think you got it all ‘sorted out’ in your mind, but, when you hit the ground and realize the actual steps to do it, one simply realizes that it’s easy to dream on, and that there is a definitive distance from this imagination/ projection point to the actual doing. After all assuming that ‘we know’ is how gods are created, and look at where we have lead ourselves within this ‘god Idea’ of self – to the verge of destruction because no actual Self-Responsibility is taken.

Thus, committing egocide as this knowledgeable character is certainly going to be a point to reveal the assumptions of having these ‘qualities’ that were never in fact ‘Real’ as it all only existed as consciousness/ mind ego that would allow myself to get some desired results in a very limited system which is our current schooling system, and dared to accept and allow myself to call that ‘intelligence’ or even ‘responsibility’ for that matter, since I was absolutely unaware of the actual responsibility we hold toward the creation of this entire world, as well as the actual IntelliSense that would be required to become a living being that considers and Does what is best for all, not just creates a nice concept about it to then ‘live it out later’ or something like that.

This is thus a preventive point of support to educate children and ourselves to stop holding ourselves in ‘higher ranks’ for the lies that we’ve been told about who we are, and instead live and apply it, walking the talk is the greatest gift one can give to oneself, to learn and establish an actual self trust that is not based on assumptions, self-beliefs and ego props, but simple self-applied verification of what we are in fact capable of, and within this stop this intellectual form of ‘positive thinking’ that only feeds the who we Believe ourselves to be, but we haven’t lived as an actuality of who we are in every moment and aspect of our lives – not only ‘schooling’ systems and such.

Is the ‘I Know’ then quite a spiteful point to live as or even speak? I have certainly experienced that  – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to voice out or think the phrase ‘I Know’ as a single statement of being aware of what I am doing, but not actually DOING anything to change it, which reveals to what extent we are protected by our own minds to face the consequences of our ‘knowing’ while being protected also by the money that allows us to us to remain within this ‘knowing’ phase but doing nothing to actually direct ourselves fully in our world and reality. 

I commit myself to walk this point of knowing vs. doing not as an antagonist situation, but a single realization that we have valued ‘who we are’ as our minds and within this neglected the reality of ourselves to an actual Doing and Living – which is also why it is suggested to consider who we would be in a dire situation of actually having nothing to eat or nowhere to stay and dare to say ‘yes I know’ and not do anything at all to change one’s condition. Thus, the money-mattress point is something that must be debunked in order to, as the lady in the Giving Up Interview says ‘Place some fire under our asses’ and actually give the totality of ourselves, our full physical ability and capability to everything that we do and dedicate ourselves to learn how to live on a daily basis, because others are in fact waiting for us to decide to live to establish a supportive system for all in this world that is our physical consequence and responsibility.

This will continue.

For Further Self Support:

• Desteni

• Desteni Forum

• Desteni I Process

• Desteni Lite Process – Free Online Course to begin stopping a ‘knowing’ that we can or ‘knowing that we are fucked’ and actually take the decision to take the road and walk it.

Blogs:

• Day 238: The Bigger Picture – ADC – Part 85

• *Day 239: Assumption as God – ADC – Part 86

• This blog is part of the After Death Communication Series

• HOPE – The Metaphysical Carrot (Part 2): DAY 238
  

Interviews:

• How Consciousness Evolved to EGO – Reptilians – Part 133

• Giving Up on Myself – Life Review

• Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 38

• Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 39

• Relationship Success Support – Introduction 

• FREE Interview Download

Would a drive for intelligence exist if there were no ‘props’ for it within the system?

We accepted and allowed a rating system in school that becomes the equivalent of your potential job opportunities without any further questions about this to be a ‘real measure’ of an individual’s potential. We have accepted and allowed a number or a letter to define ‘who we are’ within the system because schooling is the platform of adjustment and allocation as to who you will be throughout your entire life as an individual according to the money you are able to obtain from your ability to be intelligent or not, and as such, decide careers according to your mental capacity. Is this a Real way to measure a being’s skills and abilities? Of course it isn’t.

Grades in school  and the education system are just like price tags upon anything of this world: it is a make believe system that we all believe is ‘who we are’ – and  as such, calling oneself intelligent is only realizing one’s ability to use the mind within this system that is the externalization of our own mind, it’s like tuning in to a proper functioning within the same hierarchical  schemes of the world in a proper and successful manner and be rewarded for it even further, wherein there is no glory without abuse.

Continuing from:

• 230. Opposing My Roots
  • 235. Intelligence = Profitable Props for the Ego
  • 236. Perfect Slave with Badges of Honor

Ever questioned why the people that ‘had it easier’ in the system would end up having a lot of money and even free stuff/ more privileges besides all their money earned? Incentives to continue supporting the system, never questioning, feeding the desire for more as a perfect way to control even to the ‘winners’ themselves, more and more being unaware of reality and the actual consequences that are being created due to this negligible process.

The self correction in relation to a single character that we define ourselves as implies a written process, however it is not only about me stopping existing within a self-definition as a value given within/ by a system that has never supported life, but also seeing what must be changed at a system level so that never again is one human being considered as ‘more’ than others according to being able to measure ‘who I am’ as an individual that responds to the system, to sustain it, feed it within its hierarchical schemes, instead of actually establishing a new of living wherein our education system is never again based on indoctrinating kids with beliefs of ‘who they are’ being able to be measured by a single number, creating competition, breeding separation between those that should be taught to regard each other as equals.

When and as I see myself ‘spiting’ this intelligent character by playing out the opposite as being irresponsible or lacking any drive to Move within the academic world, I stop and I breathe – I realize that through ‘spiting the character’ I am only going into the opposite polarity to apparently ‘make up for my self-definition,’ without realizing that as consciousness we will always drive ourselves to the opposite as a personality system that will then also have to be walked in order to understand how we have developed a biased living-condition based on satisfying roles and personalities only. Thus I direct myself to simply direct myself to that which I have to do and not begin doing it as a form of opposing my ‘past personalities’ or ‘spiting who I was’ in the past, as that is certainly not a common sensical solution.

To understand how consciousness operates when dealing with personality systems, listen to Quantum Systemization – Resonance Absorption Membrane – Part 3

I commit myself to stop any form of ‘spite’ toward my old personalities and trying to ‘make up for them’ through going to the opposite polarities, not realizing that this will lead me nowhere but into further self limitations – I direct myself to do, say, act upon what is required to be directed, being here as breath which implies no memories defining ‘who I am’ toward that point

When and as I see myself somehow lingering on to a self definition of being ‘intelligent’ when compared to others, I stop and I breathe – I realize that who I really am exists as equal potential and physicality as everything and everyone else – hence I direct myself to stop my self-assessment in comparison to others and focus on listening, breathing, interacting with others from the starting point of always supporting ourselves to establish Common Sense reasoning within any event or situation, which does not imply having to have a certain amount of knowledge and information, but simply walk ‘who I am’ within an awareness of what is required to be directed, done, said and acted upon.

When and as I see myself accessing a superiority mode according to knowledge and information that I have accumulated and experiencing a sense of ‘power’ within it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the only real power is who we are here as physical beings and breath. there is nothing else.

When and as I see myself assessing my ‘potential’ according to the amount of knowledge and information that I have about something and believing that such point is ‘not my field’  – I stop and I breathe – I realize that my own limitations only exist at a mind level and as such, I can direct myself to try them out in physical reality to see the validity of such limitations and within this, develop further skills that are not only related to memorizing or storing data, but obviously developing common sense as the actual intelligence that we as human beings should support each other to integrate as part of our living skills.

I commit myself to participate within the establishment and creation of an education system wherein we no longer measure each other according to the numbers/letters we get as ‘grades’ defining who we are according to being intelligent/ not intelligent.

I commit myself to equalize myself to my physical body as the actual common sensical and physical intelliSense that we can integrate as a practical living skill, which means no longer diminishing ‘who I am’ as a set of knowledge and information, but actually expanding ourselves to be and become human beings that are self aware within this world system within the consideration that it is in our ability to live to our fullest potential if we provide enough platforms of self support as basic education, beginning with parents and the understanding of what is of real value within this world, which is then not linked to knowledge and information but an actual self equality and oneness

I commit myself to develop an IntelliSense wherein common sense is lived and promoted by myself through my own application as words and deeds that are able to redefine intelligence to an actual living skill that everyone is equally capable of developing through self-support as a practical living education wherein what’s required at all times is to consider what’s best for all in All areas of our living – and this is thus the best way to set the foundation for a world wherein we can regard each other as equals in our ability to coexist within a set of life-values that can be integrated to a real intelligence such as doing onto others what you would like to  be done onto you, giving and receiving equally, considering each other as equally ‘valuable’ as life and ‘love thy neighbor as thyself’ which is a point that we all have to first integrate toward ourselves as an actual living cultivation of honoring and respecting ourselves as life, so that we step out of our current narrow view upon life where knowledge and information is ‘praised’ and instead, we develop an equal and one living-application of this equal regard of practical things to direct in order to support each other to live in the most optimal condition.

Knowledge without application is useless and as such, I commit myself to expose also where our knowledge and information as our ‘ranking systems’ to define a being’s ability to exist within the system is flawed and that there is no possibility for us to realize to what extent we have separated ourselves from who we really are as the physical unless each one takes responsibility for what we’ve become within this single consideration of ‘intelligence’ that each one has, either ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’ it is still a limited definition of who we are.

I realize that I had lived out this self definition based on participating within all the memories that valued myself as such, without realizing that all definitions created at a mind level are not in fact the real substance that I am – yet, I tis my absolute responsibility to ensure no single speck of superiority remains within this realm of self definition as intelligence.

I commit myself to expose how it is that intelligence has not existed as an actual honorable skill in this world, otherwise we would not be so busy cultivating our minds as this world system that runs upon an abusive make-believe system of values that only benefit those that are in a position to get the most money/ resources from the hierarchical disposition of the world system, which is the system that we have all complied to and abided to by virtue of living in this world.

I commit myself to expose how it is actually abusive to only define someone according to a letter or a number as ‘who they are’ in their skills and mental abilities. I support myself to walk the living correction of having defined ‘who I am’ according to a number as grades within the schooling system and equalize myself as that which has always been in fact real: myself as my physical body that I breathe in here.

I commit myself to live in humbleness as an ability to use any current lived-skill within knowledge and information and the ability to memorize toward a best for all outcome. Within this also realizing that we Still live in a world wherein we are still being ranked according to these schemes – therefore it is not to ‘ditch out’ our grades/ degrees in the schooling system, but to equalize ourselves to it so that we are Not defined by it, yet we use what we got in order to walk through it and be able to sustain ourselves within this current system, while at the same time, aligning our actual living values to that which is Real as the physicality and life that we all are equally.

When and as I see myself in any  interaction wherein I see myself accessing the knowledgeable persona in order to ‘have the answer to it all’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is my ego wanting to ‘pop up’ in order to seem like I ‘always have the answer’ which is only a point that bursts like a bullet and it happens when I am not breathing – thus

I commit myself to realize that having any form of ability to store memories with certain ease is not an indication of intelligence but simply a skill, a mind ability that is able to be developed equally for all beings that are able to live in a stable condition throughout their first living years, which is a point that we can all commit ourselves to investigate how that works and functions at a mind-physical level, such as educating oneself with the Quantum Mind Self Awareness Interviews, wherein we can stop speculating about ‘Intelligence’ and instead, learn how we have always had the exact same abilities as a potential existent within each one to be developed to an optimal degree wherein we can all learn how to make use of our mind in an equal and one basis to our physical, instead of conceiving this intelligence as something ‘more’ or ‘special’ for only a few.

I commit myself to establish a self-integrity based on living skills that are self supportive for all as equals and within this, learn how to live physically which is something that is then walked through/ lived/ breathed and not ‘known’ as data only.

I commit myself to continue assisting and supporting myself whenever this self definition rears its head as an ego-burst and direct myself to breathing and realizing that who we are is equal in all ways, we just have to learn how to actually live it out within and without – which means, I live out my inner process of self-equality and oneness between my physical body and my mind to no longer be having to ‘think’ to live, and the same without as a world system that supports common sense living, valuing life and supporting each other to let us know when we are going into any ego-drive of intelligence over matter.

I commit myself to explain and expose how we have only pursued ‘intelligence’ do to the rewards given toward such ability/ skill in the system and as such place a parallel of how things would change wherein there is no more remuneration to such ‘intelligence’ within an Equality System wherein every single being will be exposed to the exact same amount of information as a point of support to live, within this eradicating any form of intellectual elitism based on intelligence as an actual ‘gift’ for some and transform it into a single aspect we can all develop in an equal and one manner Within the consideration of the physical reality and what’s best for all.

I commit myself to live my self-equality and oneness by being here as breath throughout any form of interaction with others, being aware of listening/ hearing in the moment and not skipping the moment to speak but allow myself to breathe and then interact within common sense = saying ‘an answer’/ giving knowledge and information does not make me ‘more’ than myself physically here.

I commit myself to make use of the education that I have toward a best for all outcome and actually contribute to give an end to this current world system so that we can focus on developing/ cultivating the actual values of life which is life itself in equality.

“from Intelligence to IntelliSENSE would be the process from knowledge and information, to commonsense practical reasoning” – Sunette Spies

I suggest to all parents to educate themselves to not push your children to be ‘intelligent’ or a ‘good student’ as prescribed within our current system, it is best to support them to develop that which they are good at even if it is not within the realm of our current subjects in school and direct them to consider their skills and abilities toward the manifestation of a change within this world that they can contribute to in an equal manner. It is not to judge them for not getting ‘goo grades,’ but rather find the point that has not been properly integrated, the belief that might be tampering their schooling process and support them to equalize themselves to their fullest potential. For that, self support through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application is suggested, beginning with you as a parent that seeks ‘excellence’ within children but has not actually first lived out that for yourself. Let’s begin our common sensical living from ourselves individually first.

For further support:

• Desteni 

• Desteni Forum 

• Desteni Lite Process – Free Online Course

• Equal Money System – A system where life will be the only value regarded by everyone and as everyone equally. No more hierarchical systems of ‘intelligence’ as negligence toward each other.

No more divine rays of ‘intelligence’ in self interest

Blogs:

• Day 237: At Land is the Answer – ADC – Part 84

• This blog is part of the After Death Communication Series
• HOPE – The Metaphysical Carrot: DAY 237

Interviews:

- Educate yourself about how ‘intelligence’ is formed within yourself throughout your life

• Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 38

• Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 39

• Language Platform in relation to the Design of Internal Conversation and Back Chat Explained

• How Consciousness Evolved to EGO – Reptilians – Part 133

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this image of myself as pure awareness, as a cosmic witness, to have justified a belief in an existence without consequence in which I can indulge myself at all times in following only and alone in solitude my own self interest without regard or consideration for who I am as all as physicality and as life.

Continuation from last post. 

A phenomenon of writing out with my hand one word while ‘meaning’ to write another has been occurring while I intend to write the word ‘solitude’ and instead a few times now, have written out the word ‘sublime’. Enough times to realize that I need to look at the word sublime as well, because while in my mind I am focused on the word ‘solitude’, I find the word ‘sublime’ is also here, and somehow ‘insists’ through my hand to come to the surface.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I am in and as ‘sublime’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to expose to myself who I am within and as the word sublime.

 A dictionary definition: ‘Sublime’ is like the ultimate extension of greatness or superiority, magnificence .…and looking up a list of synonyms I find a whole cloud of words many of which that I had previously attributed to and connected up with or somehow associated with the word solitude: (see day 160)

…such as, elevated, eminent, exalted, glorious, grand, heavenly, high, holy, ideal, lofty, majestic, noble, proud, resplendent, sacred, spiritual, stately, transcendent…

Solitude Sublime.

The two words together suggest to me the ‘poetic’ aspect that I was conscious of in my experience of the word solitude, like they could have been from Byron, Wordsworth or Keats, or some ‘romantic’ style of consciousness, where the god experience is blended with the ‘natural’ world and with a ‘sweet’ hope/regret, and loss, and reference to a golden age, mythology…

Ok, but I seem to be walking down a little path that leads to everywhere. The word ‘romantic’ comes up here, which I will investigate also.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give an energy value as an experience of myself within both ‘solitude’ and ‘alone’; to solitude a positive charge and to alone a negative charge.

Positive: Special

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘special’ within the word solitude, wherein I have accepted and allowed an image of myself as me as separated from the ‘crowd’ of humanity, which is from myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as special, to define myself as elevated above others, as different to others, as better than others, as having more value or worth than others, in all of which positions I have stood within the starting-point of inequality and therefore in conflict and friction from what is real as life in the physical of equality and oneness, and therefore have stood in support of an energetic structure/personality as ‘me only’ as and directed by consciousness as a limited energy awareness.

Negative: rejected, abandoned, worthless, alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in terms of my projected relations to others in which I see myself through emotions of self-pity as inferior as well as superior through blame in which I see myself as morally superior within having received injustice and wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that what I have actually accepted and allowed within this sense of righteousness and superiority in being wronged is my own abandonment of life itself in exchange for a momentary stance or thrill of righteous energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that I am in this aspect of being ‘alone’ in fact energizing myself through my own self judgement and rejection of myself and glorifying my rejection of self-responsibility by blaming it on a generalization of ‘others’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a value on myself as ‘worthless’ according to what I see as the judgements of others and whether or not I am acceptable to ‘them’ or not or liked by ‘them’ or not, rather than seeing and realizing that the only value of myself can actually be as the life which I am here in the physical reality.

‘Noble’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as noble within the word solitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as noble, to see myself as having been born for a ‘higher’ purpose, with my attention focused on another world that is beyond this one and far away, and not here.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as noble to justify abdicating my responsibility within and as the physical and as the team of life responsibility here, but instead claiming a higher and better responsibility that has been chosen for me only and therefore me within and as being a chosen one and a reminder to others of another existence that is not here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as noble to exist within and as a positive judgement of myself as having ‘good’ intentions within and as a ‘higher’ morality as a system of energy within my mind, in which I have accepted and allowed myself as knowledge and information of a higher justice and higher laws.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as superior within ‘nobility’ through which I have accepted and allowed a version of arrogance as who I am, in which a ‘self-lessness’ has been enacted for my own benefit to enhance my image of myself within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a positive value of energy to selflessness through which I have praised myself as a mind in absolute separation from life and from the physical.

Negative: Injustice to me blame

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as ‘nobility’ to not see and realize that I am justifying superiority to others through a form of martyrdom in the face of the injustice of the ‘cruel world’ in which I am secretly being energized in righteousness and blame.

Therefore within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as nobility to define myself as an ambassador for another existence somewhere that I realize now can only be as energy and as a system of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as noble, to have no bill, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself within noble as having the special privilege of no consequence, within which I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is my right that others pay for me.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret this shift of my experience from out of ‘alone’ as negative and into ‘solitude’ as positive as a feeling of being ‘saved’, like shifting out of a bad dream into a good dream, never realizing that both were dreams.

Negative: being damned

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of solitude an experience of being ‘saved’, saved from the negative judgements and definitions of myself within my mind and saved within a picture of myself as special within being in rejection of the earthly realms, and therefore in my mind, significant in front of god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how I am seen through the eyes of others, as a victim, in ‘alone’ as a negative experience within being in the cold, rejected, neglected, or abandoned, or as in ‘solitude’ within the hope of warmth, fondness or admiration or praise or sympathy of nature or existence or God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that in both these postures of ‘alone’ and of ‘solitude’ that I am in fact accepting myself as an energetic system that flips from positive to negative and back again according to my own advantage of my interests, so that I can claim to be the wounded party in one moment or elevated and above all that in the next; to be as a manipulation device to get sympathy and attention in one moment or to be an object of admiration and elevated remoteness the next.

Solitude: Positive: a pure awareness, cosmic witness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as elevated and above physical life in and as the word ‘solitude’ as a ‘pure’ awareness, a cosmic witness, therefore in a position of ‘not involved’ but simply an observer within which I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as sublime in absolute superiority and to judge physicality and life as less than who I am and as polluted and corrupt. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that this corruption and pollution that I have judged as being beneath me is my own self pollution and corruption that I have accepted and allowed within the physical as me and is the consequence of this rejection of myself in favor of a definition of myself within and as a system of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this image of myself as pure awareness, as a cosmic witness, to have justified a belief in an existence without consequence in which I can indulge myself at all times in following only and alone in solitude my own self interest without regard or consideration for who I am as all as physicality and as life.

Alone: Negative: an untouchable, filth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as untouchable and as the trashed one of the system and then to have used this judgement definition of myself as a justification that therefore I can have no consequence upon the world, and therefore I am free to pursue my own self interest without regard or consideration or responsibility for who I am as all as physicality and as life.

I commit myself to when and as the word solitude and the word alone come up in me, to stop, and to breathe within and as this one physical experience of life, here, because I see and realize and understand that ‘aloneness’ and ‘solitude’ as I have previously defined them cannot in fact be here at all but only as a perspective of a personality that looks into the world and only sees the mind.

Continuing next post…

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Changing the Character of the World

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

“from Intelligence to IntelliSENSE would be the process from knowledge and information, to commonsense practical reasoning” – Sunette Spies

Continuing from:

• 230. Opposing My Roots
• 235. Intelligence = Profitable Props for the Ego

Self Forgiveness on the Intelligence Character:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define intelligence according to ‘having good grades in school’ and being recognized as superior/  more than others for that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link intelligence to responsibility within the context of how I developed this skill of being able to learn/memorize things and do the respective tasks/ assignments at school in a timely and precise manner which suited the character of being ‘intelligent and responsible’ within the context of school only, believing that I was in fact ‘intelligent’ and ‘responsible’ as form of special trait within me, without realizing they were just skills developed and used within only a particular field of my reality such as school, yet in terms of other aspect of myself I would not be responsible and would not be common sensical to question reality further than what I was taught about it, which proves then that intelligence was a self-belief fueled by others within my reality as ‘who I am.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of self definition toward knowledge and information as ‘what I am good for’ in terms of working with it, memorizing it and as such due to how our school system is configured, the more you memorize stuff = the more intelligent you are considered – within this missing out an actual ability to discern what is of real value in this world as life and physicality, just because of learning how to cultivate and attain this ‘superiority’ of mind, that actually only serves the same system as the world system that is configured as our individual minds, within this supporting the inherent separation that we’ve become as fully fledged mind systems that disregard the physicality that we are as equality, learning to value life within the mind according to knowledge and information that later on becomes money to sell oneself within the system in order to be able to live – that’s what our knowledge and information has served then: energy and not life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, consider and believe that intelligence was a ‘positive trait’ within human beings as something that I had to cultivate, without ever being actually common sensical about this association and placing it within the context of how the world is functioning where no super-intelligent being has made use of such intelligence to present and promote solutions that could change the way we live and participate within this world, within an actual regard of what’s best for all. This is what must be now regarded as an actual intelligence as intelliSense that is able to be cultivated, promoted and integrated within human beings through us sharing how we have come to understand that we have never lived in common sense, but only followed knowledge and information as ‘who we are,’ separating ourselves from our own physicality and diminishing ourselves to be this limited version as a database that is functional within only a certain aspect in our reality. Not at all what Living Life should be about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that such intelligence was dependent on the ability to memorize and how I created a relationship to memorize knowledge and information with certain ‘ease’ according to the environment and the conditions I was brought up in – For more explanation on this, hear the Quantum Mind Self Awareness Part 37 that explains how Language is formed and as such, what our ‘intelligence’ in fact is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get excited every time that I would be able to absorb more knowledge and information within the belief that ‘the more I know/ memorize and accumulate, the More I am’ but not from a reality-understanding perspective, but just piling up the data of knowledge and information that we have to go through within our education and define myself according to it, within this creating a positive experience toward learning, which I also judged because I was supposed to ‘hate school’ as everyone else did, but I didn’t – therefore

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to copy the perspectives of people toward school/ learning as something that is not desirable, and creating an entire self definition according to ‘who I am’ as in secretly enjoying the accumulation of knowledge and information and build a self definition around it, while keeping an opposite façade toward my peers so that I would not be able to be called a nerd or any other name that is pejorative toward anyone that is ‘good’ in school.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place this ‘extra value’ toward who I am as this ‘intelligent character’ without realizing that it wasn’t really a ‘virtue’ but only knowledge and information that I had a certain ability to imprint/ memorize within myself, but, being also aware of how there was no practical application for that, other than getting ‘good grades’ in school and being able to explain how things work from what I read in books, which implies that all I have ever done as my supposed ‘intelligence’ was copying-pasting information in my mind to be able to use it as required – which, for that matter, we are all equally within this application as mind systems, wherein everything we do is out of memory that we’ve gotten from our parents and past generations, the environment itself with specific programmed patterns that we integrate at a physical level and simply ‘automate’ our living through that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that anything that is knowledge and information can only exist as the mind consciousness system, as that part of me that I have delegated my actual physical hereness and self directive awareness to, wherein I have defined myself according to the ‘cultivation of knowledge’ as a prop for my own identity/ personality as ego – and within this, diminish myself to be ‘only good for one thing’ which was just being this ‘intelligent character’ while neglecting to cultivate/  apply myself within the aspects that I thought were simply ‘not my thing’ without even trying them out,  such as being one and equal with my physical and being more physical in my every day living, due to having cultivated my mind for the most part of my life. Hence

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as being ‘good’ for dealing/ handling with knowledge and information and any Mind-work and be sucking at/ bad/ not good enough for any Physical-work, not realizing this was the result of my own self belief played out as ‘who I am’ according to this inherent acceptance of every human being only being good at some things and not good at others, and blindly accept this as such and define good and bad according to my own belief of who I am toward certain activities.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to not question this ‘intelligence’ that I apparently had, and within this not ponder about the information that I was integrating within myself, which was only a limited perception of what we as mind systems have been able to depict and define about humanity and reality, believing that it is in fact so, believing it to be real, without realizing that all that I cultivated was myself as a mind consciousness system looking at itself as such,  but never as an actual physical being that can be absolutely self aware in every moment of breath – wherein one would not require to Know about reality through knowledge and information, but be here in self awareness and understanding all the relationships we hold as part of the whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that I had in fact a form of ‘gift’ for having this ‘ease’ with studies/ knowledge and information and its integration, without realizing that it was all just based on an ability to copy information, store it and then, speak it out.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be aware of this copy-speaking information at a certain level and compare myself to people that I deemed as ‘real intelligent people’ who were actually simply only doing the same mechanism, but veered toward other fields that I considered ‘beyond myself’ such as mathematics, physics and engineering which I believed were ‘superior’ than my so-called intelligence, which proves that even if one deems intelligence as part of one’s ability, there will always in the mind be a point of comparison to make oneself more or less than, invariably so, as in the mind one is seemingly never ‘good enough.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘bad’ whenever anyone would say ‘I want to be like you’ wherein I would mostly ask a non-existent god ‘but WHY can’t they also have it easy?’ yet at the same time, believing that I had this ‘gift’ for some miraculous reason and not question it further, not challenge it but only later on spite it, only to end up spiting myself of course.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use intelligence later on as a way to make up for all the other apparent flaws I had, such as lacking an actual physical condition that would be the most healthy or good looking according to the social standards, or being comfortable in socializing – which I only acquired later through association – but for the most part, believe that I could Not have it all, and that I had been given this ‘intelligence’ and that something had to be ‘flawed’ within me in return, such as struggling with accepting myself as my physical appearance, or not having a great physical conditions for sports of high impact and so forth – all of which became part of the limitations I accepted and allowed through family beliefs wherein I learned that we were ‘good’ for being ‘intelligent’ but we would suck at sports or any other outdoor physical activity, within this accepting such limitation as ‘real’ and later on actually living it out as ‘who I am.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define and direct my life within this limited scope accepted and allowed self definition within the belief that ‘I am only good at being intelligent’  – and within that only, create this inner conflict within me based on ending up believing that I was intelligent in fact, and that I was not good at other aspects or fields even within knowledge and information in itself, which became thus a reduced point for me to believe that I was probably only good at being intelligent from the perspective of being mostly obeying the system and that’s it, which within this created a personality of responsibility linked to ‘being intelligent’ which is where my fuck up exists,

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within the desire to spite this so-called intelligence’ I ended up challenging it because of how I had been fed up with being only associated throughout my life to being this ‘intelligent and responsible person’ that I saw as utterly useless, since within me, there was a lot of inner conflict for not having been able to define who I really was outside of that character/abilities and as such, believing it was ‘unfair’ that I could only be valued for this limited ability to store knowledge and information and speak it out, therefore seeking for other ways to be recognized, praised by others in the opposite pole as in the emotional/ feeling aspect, which I why I deliberately veered toward an ‘artistic career’ and ditched any other expectations teachers, parents or anyone else had told me about such as opting for careers/ professions dealing with numbers, science or further ‘mind cultivation careers’ without realizing that everything in this world-system is currently existent as the mind in itself, therefore there is no point such as something being more ‘humane’ as I defined emotions/ feelings to be than a structural-knowledge and information career, since all that I really am was obviously disregarded within this equation, which is neglecting the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place up a ‘high expectation’ on myself for being apparently this bright person and within this feed my specialness and uniqueness within and throughout my life, within this love/ hate relationship of wanting to be recognized as intelligent and at the same time, hate it because of only being reduced to that, which is just a conflictive-play out in my mind that is always existent whenever we define who we are as our mind and the mind thrives off of energy created through any form of friction and conflict that generates emotions and feelings. Within this creating a ‘depressed state’ because of realizing how I had this apparent flaw to establish personal relationships, because of only being perceived as this ‘intelligent responsible person that others feared’  and creating my own bubble of self-pity just as another entertainment and tunnel vision for myself while growing up.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to then seek to spite my own ‘intelligence’ by wanting to develop what I believed was ‘more human’ within me, which was all the emotional/feeling character that I deliberately started developing so that I could be identified more with a more ‘humane scope’ of who I am as these feelings and emotions as ‘sensitivity’ other than being only this rational or ‘intelligent’ person that can memorize stuff and get good grades in the schooling system. Within this, believing firmly that who I really was, were my emotions and feelings, which is how I cultivated this aspect a  lot in a deliberate manner, which is what I am walking as a process wherein I made decision in my life based on satisfying and fulfilling this ‘sensitivity character’  linked to an ‘artistic’ apparent trait.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that no matter which career or which ‘side’ I would cultivate ‘who I am’ in, it was all based on energy – either through the ‘logical/intellectual’ side and aspect as the ‘intelligent character’ or the other one as the ‘sensitive/humane’ character as all the emotional/feeling development that I built as ‘who I am’ – all were based on and as the mind in itself in both aspects that we tend to veer our lives around: being structural or expressive and creating an inner conflict about that, wherein I ended up ‘spiting’ the structural side, the logical/ intellectual/ knowledgeable side and opted to define me as the ‘expressive’ side, not realizing that in this decision, I never considered myself as the physical body in and as a Self-Equality, but only that which I would be able to ‘experience’ at a mind level, which proves how this system in its entirety has never in fact regarded physicality as who we are, since we are always veering toward one side or the other as self definitions in our mind, without even understanding how our very own physical body works, which should already have placed a massive question that I never asked in terms of why we are not self-aware of every single cell of our physical body and the rest of reality for that matter, proving to what extent such perceived intelligence was never ‘real’ as I accepted this entire world ‘as is,’ even if it created a point of inner conflict at times, I would simply let go of the conflict and focus on what I was able to grasp and integrate as ‘who I am’ as more knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still for some reason wanted to believe that I could hold on to this perceived ‘positive trait’ within me, which for that matter would be like wanting to hold on to my mind as this ego-personality that I’ve become to such an extent, that I have not been able to absolutely let go of it. I realize that we live in a system wherein the ability to store knowledge and information and speak about it is regarded as intelligence, and that it is thus my duty as part of my process to direct this ability to develop an actual common sensical understanding of life and living, wherein there is no knowledge and information per se  to memorize, but only understand the processes that lead us to be and become who we are, and within this, be able to transmit it, share it as part of the basic education that we will be living and actually Applying as part of our alignment to that which is Real as ourselves, as physical beings that are integrated with common sense as practical living skills that are applicable within understanding how reality works and as such, direct ourselves within that understanding toward a best for all outcome.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to only believe that I was a system that can regurgitate knowledge and information and that probably that was ‘it’ for me, that was my task, in this – I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to diminish the totality of who I am as a physical being, a part of this whole to a Very limited configuration of a mind system that exists as an energetic churning machine, that consumes physicality to be able to ‘run its course’ and believe that ‘that was all that I am’ and that I had to accept other ‘flaws’ within me because I had to apparently be grateful for being this ‘intelligent person.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the accumulation of memories of people saying that I was intelligent and ending up believing that I was in fact so, which is how we trap ourselves in lies and self definitions toward each other, instead of actually recognizing each other as the life that we really in fact are as equals, that physicality is not defined by a mind-configuration in itself but exists here as the innocence of what life should be, untainted by our energetic schemes that divide and separate ourselves from ourselves and from living in itself, limited to cultivating our minds only and forgetting even about breathing.

What type of intelligence is this that we’ve defined ourselves as where we can spend the days Thinking and not even being aware of being a breathing living human being?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had some form of advantage within this process due to this so-called intelligence, which is really nothing else but being able to remember things with probably a bit of more ease, within the realization that it does not make oneself ‘more’ than others, it is just like others being able to have a perfect physical condition to run for a long time and I believe myself to be incapable of doing that, without realizing that all such points entail a physical training and practice – either cultivating the mind or physical activity – nothing is simply ‘magically’ here as a certain ability.

The proof of this is that if a kid was born between animals and that kid had no ability to develop memory in the way that a child would do within the ‘family environment’ as in having parents and school speaking words, experiences, and as such learning how to memorize the words, sounds, alphabet, etc. they would simply be considered as ‘not intelligent’ within the system standards, but probably that child would have learned practical skills to survive on their own within a particular environment, which proves that what we currently define as ‘intelligence’ is according to this configuration of the world based on knowledge and information that supports this entire limited-version of reality that we live in, which is then placing on a pedestal all people as walking knowledge and information databases that will enable the continuation of the same system in place, which is then where we as people that are becoming self aware of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, must stop the continuation of this superior/ special regard to all such knowledge and information that supports the ‘old system,’ and instead focus on walking our own integration of common sensical living wherein we Live the redefinition of intelligence to intellisense: from knowledge and information to a common sensical living awareness of ourselves as physical beings in a physical world, where no more knowledge and information, including our emotions and feelings, define ourselves and limit us between either sides of the poles, but equalize everything that we have been and become through these energetic associations toward our reality, which includes all our self-definitions that simply do not regard life or consider equality as who we really are.

“Intelligence is a programme of consciousness/the mind  that consist of and exist as the/a entire body of knowledge and information definitions about ourselves/ ‘who we are’ and our relationships towards ourselves, others and this world as a whole that in fact separate us from ourselves, each other and this world/physical existence. Because we’ve created relationships towards ourselves, others and this world through definitions/programmes within our Mind, and not in fact lived and actual real physical equality and oneness with ourselves, each other and this world. Intelligence is the programme/manifestation that actually separate us from establishing real/eternal relationships of physical equality and oneness” – Sunette Spies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the relationship of myself toward myself through my mind only and in this, accept the limited scope of defining me as only knowledge and information that I Thought I was ‘good at handling,’ without realizing that in this, any form of actual common sense development was not cultivated, because of learning only through copying and pasting and remaining within the standards and frames of what was good/ right, making me more like the example of what a ‘perfect system’ within this system would be like: being responsible, not questioning further and doing everything I was asked to do. Perfect slave with badges of honor.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be aware to a certain extent of what a lie this intelligence was, but accept it because it ‘at least’ made me feel ‘more’ than others within my mind and create a point of specialness, uniqueness and stand as an example of how to be the perfect system for others to copy, which I believed was my role and simply had to play along, not questioning the actual hierarchical separation and segregation I was cultivating within this all, which is unacceptable to say the least since I only regarded ‘How I experienced myself as an intelligent/ non intelligent  person,’ disregarding the effect of accepting such character within the schooling system and those that had to be deemed as ‘inferior’ for me to be the ‘superior one.’

I breathe, I stabilize myself physically and walk through the manifested consequences due to my own accepted and allowed playing of characters without considering physical reality consequences.

More to come in the next blog, continuing dissecting this knowledgeable entity that I have dragged as ‘who I am’ and directing myself to equalize myself in all ways to my own physicality.

Blogs:

• Day 236: The Trinity as Creator – ADC – Part 83

• This blog is part of the After Death Communication Series
• The ProMise of 2012 (Part 2): DAY 236

Interviews:

• Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 37

• Language Platform in relation to the Design of Internal Conversation and Back Chat Explained (Part 3)

When my children were small and I was living in a foreign country, I went and volunteered in a “mother center”. It was a place for women with very small children to meet and have lunch, or sit and have coffee. I began with working in the cafe part two or three times a week for a couple of hours, to cooking lunch once a week and then becoming the gardner over a space of about three years, Originally I did this to expose myself to the language, because in my circles, everyone would speak English with me, and here, with a mixed “class group” I had to speak the language.

The first floor was the mother center, and the second floor was a refuge house for women seeking shelter, Some of the women were there with their children, escaping physical abuse, and some were there within a second stage of rehabilitation from addictions. Most of the time no one noticed that this existed in the second floor. And the house – it was a medium sized house nestled within the part of the city where there were many embassies, so it was by European standards a substantial house. Anyway, this just means there were only a handful of women on the second floor.

One time, when I was helping out in the cafe area, next to the play room, a woman from the second floor came down the stairs in hysterics. She was being demanding and obviously upset about life in general, and spilling this all over the place. Many of the women with children were upset, and later efforts were made to not allow this to happen again.

What I remember within this scene, with this hysterical woman, was that what i had been taught to think was that this woman was insane, abusive, “rough around the edges” and something to stay away from at all costs. But, on this day, listening to this woman- who looked like she was years older than her actual age- was that she had no direction, she had no idea as to what actual direction was, as she simply did not have a clue as to what this meant. She, as what she was, was due to a lack. Meaning, there has never been any consistent effort demonstrated in her existence that showed any kind of direction.

Why I suddenly had such a thought? Maybe it was because I had gone and worked in a place, where I crossed paths with many classes of people, most I would not have normally come into contact with. I mean, I was an America, and though I had interacted with the general racial groups in New York, I had never mixed with some of what was in Switzerland. There were, in this past decade ( now it might be different) not many Indians and Paskistani’s in New York, I had never encountered a Yugoslavian. There, by blood, might have been descendants in New York from these areas within my past, but they were not natives.

I also was involved, somewhat with the diplomatic scene, and encountered new ethnic groups at, yes, a home of the America Ambassador. I drove this woman from India to a party there, and all she did the whole ride was talk about jewelry. She bought and sold estate jewelry. One the way back, I just wanted her out of the car. I just felt like she was networking to find jewelry to sell. And she really worked it. I realized that so much of the same behavior exists allover the world. The drive for money. Have to say, that even the elephant drivers in Thailand are insane with this. I do not think I have seen a more aggressive demand for money that with these workers. And the whole time I thought, but you are so lucky, your climate allows you to life in a small hut and be outside all the time! Imagine only having to take care of a small elevated hut! Seems like a dream come true to me. Every once in a while, all that need be done is to lay some more palm leaves in the roof!

Anyway, back to the woman in the mother center.

I listened to a Quantum Mind interview at Eqafe.com. This interview explains how a child begins to move as memory builds up within the mind as consciousness develop:. building up images as the child begins to move the physical body.

 
At one point in the article, it explains that children within stable environments develop their memory faster and thus are able to use memory faster, while children in less stable environments are distracted and thus have multiple images within their frame of reference as they begin to learn to speak. This creating a less stable use of language as more pictures are crossing their frame of consciousness as what directs us as energy, as picture production instead of direct seeing. Thus, a child within such an environment is less stable, like there is too much tumbling down, too much shattering focus, too many disruptions to lead to self direction. Like our consumerist system of too much ( seemingly so) choice. The parents of such a person, probably the same. Thus,the behaviors are all over the place, just as this woman’s behaviors were “ all over the place.”

A different way of seeing that seems a contradiction. Too much in-form-(ac)tion creating instability, where as a child developing with a stable environment, though also moving as images and not direct physical seeing, being more stable as less was introduced and thus the ability to see the fewer images created a faster ability to “read” memory and thus a greater ability to develop within the limited system as consciousness. It is the divisions into consciousness creating different scenarios, one more stable than the other, yet both a separation from the actual physical. One seeming more stable than the other, neither being able to realize in totality the reason for how existence on earth is not supportive of life, realizing that life is the value.

So, here I am watching this woman, in this new environment I am in, where I myself have encountered new formations of behavior from different cultures, and different classes of people, and I encounter this reckless seeming behavior of this unstable woman and I see that what is missing is direction.

One of my first thoughts was that there was no hope for this woman, as trying to explain direction to here, or the ability of the system to place her within an environment where she could actually live consistent self direction, with strong models, simply was not going to happen within the social services monetary system. Perhaps this happened with a few, when someone became a strong mentor, but this was rare. Anyway, the exception should be the rule, the successes suggest that possibility exists, but instead, such success end up being a “poster child” to create a facade that the social service industry is functioning. Have to keep that job and prove its efficacy. We really have to get to the point where it is to realize that there is no choice but to live the absolute efficacy, as we know what works. As the statement of, “the exception to the rule” actually is saying, is that, the rule is money, this determines life, the exception – as the success and support of life- is separate from the rule, just as the words are laid out in the statement. We can see, even within our word constructions , how we create relationships as separations from supporting life as the value. To suggest there is an exception to THE RULE, is to admit that the rule does not support the development of self direction, as in those few cases where, within social service success stories, manage to develop more autonomy for an individual.

What is also obvious, within this, is that there is no real understanding of how consciousness is developed and what it in fact is, as energy, as separation from a focus on what actually physically is here. Have a look at this, would a system of inequality actually want such development? It would mean equality, and that would mean a change, and this would mean giving up ideas as memories, as addictions, to deconstruct what has been directing and reconstruct in such as way that would actually increase awareness as life, a direct seeing here. It is like not wanting to give up that tattered sweater that is not even really keeping one warm, but there is a great fear of letting this go, as an emotional attachment has become greater than what is real! That is really how insane consciousness is. And all it takes is to realize that fantasy as the mind, of the idea of that sweater.

So, how do we stop this behavior as that of this woman? Those of us that are not so far gone, must begin to realize what we are as consciousness and how this system functions, to stand up within this, not in protest, but in understanding ourselves and what is here, and change this, to bring all the separations as relationships of division from direct, here seeing, and stand as life, equal and one. As long as the behavior of this woman exists, there is not real communication and life existing on earth, as what is existing is energetic reactions of no substance , manifest as reckless undirected behavior.

I think of the story of Gulliver’s travels, where in one story he is huge and in another he is tiny, as though there is no stability in what Gulliver is. In some ways, this is what is happening in this woman’s mind, somethings are huge and somethings are small, and there in no organization within direct seeing in reality. Just as this woman’s behavior exhibits, there is uncontrolled reactions, seemingly random, but they are a exhibit of distortion of reality. A profitable “state “ in -deed for a few, who themselves as upholding such system, as allowingthis inequality is a distortion in and as itself. Its measure and rhythm varying by degree.

Bring yourself back to reality, know, through a concerted effort of study, via the desteni i process, beginning with the desteni i process lite, to see, realize and understand, through writingout your memory, the pictures in and as your mind as you distortion of reality in fear, as fear of loss, and applying the sound direction of self forgiveness, self corrective application to equalize yourself as life, here, to stand and become the living word, to organize a word/world that is best for all, so that life can begin. Those of us who lack in sustenance in a system of subjective – piece of paper- resource ownership where people carry the burden of development and the few wallow in the profits, never considering how the actual physical world is suffering, cannot piece themselves back together again, as they are too fragmented because of what all of us have accepted and allowed, thus those of us, because of what we were born into and placed within, being of the same substance as those more shattered, have the means to bring ourselves back to life and stand up within the separation and begin the process of equalizing/stabilizing life as what exists on earth. to birth life the gift of life, as heaven on earth.

Related articles

• The Angels and Demons of God as ENERGY: DAY 226
• Day 61: Education Fraud Part 22 – Medicalization of the Education System Part 10 – Self-Forgiveness on ‘Professionals involved in the medicalizing process’ Part 3
• Day 223: The Psychology of Genetics

What Buddhism teaches is that one should not contain that joy within oneself. This is what anatta means in practice. Anyone can train to will the arising of the tiniest spark of joy anytime, anywhere—visualise (say) a mini supernova or big bang—and let the light burst forth triumphantly and infinitely in all directions. The crux is not to limit that all-conquering light of joy within oneself- whether it’s one’s physical body or any of the other skandhas, but let it prevade all of space-time, including but definitely not delimited by oneself. What is self-less is by definition space-less, and what is space-less must also be time-less.

In other words, don’t let that infinite light of joy be contained by a ‘ME’-shaped object- usually known as the “self”. Anatta teaches—and it can and should be easily verified in everyday life—that being obsessed with that ‘ME’-shaped object is bound to result in suffering: a million things can happen to ‘it’ to disrupt one’s enjoyment of it, and perhaps more importantly, not letting the ‘light’ through by instead causing the rays to ‘rebound’ off the edges of that ‘ME’-shaped thing itself causes pain and suffering. (Also, there should not be a ‘ME’-shaped thing ‘in reverse’ (as in an inverted photo negative), so to speak– remember again that Buddhism is the Middle Way and not at all about self-punishment or wallowing in guilt.)

Let that infinite light of joy be called “bodhicitta”. One can perhaps also visualise it to be the combination (as in all colours combining into pure white light) of the ‘Four Immeasurables’: Loving-kindness (metta), Compassion (karuna), Empathetic Joy (mudita), and Equanimity (upekkha) shining forth all at once.

Truly boundless joy is experienced to be all-conquering and invincible– it is invincible precisely because it is totally unconditional, most of all unconditional upon that ‘ME’-shaped thing. One should really try to experience that feeling in daily life.

Whenever one causes a spark of joy to arise unconditionally within one’s mind, and let it suffuse and transcend one-’self’, we—perhaps—arrive at what seems closest to ‘magic’. It does not seem at all incompatible from a Buddhist perspective to suggest that the quality of one’s mind—in this case a mind filled with bodhicitta or self-less intention—should, at any given point in time, ‘self-select’ (possibly via a quantum mechanical process) a particular version of the universe (amongst all the infinite alternative versions that are physically possible) that that mind is presently most compatible with, or ‘deserves’– ‘karmically’ speaking:

“Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.

“Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.”

Obviously science, especially quantum physics and neuroscience, will throw more light on this in the future. But, hey, what’s the harm in practising such visualisations? And who knows what good may possibly result? So do try it sometimes. Buddhism, after all, is all about personal practice and verification.

Once one experiences that for oneself, then one may perhaps feel like going on to tell (using the most appropriate and effective ways suited to the persons and circumstances involved) others about this visualisation technique. In other words, once one visualises light emanating from oneself and enveloping all others, one can help others become ‘supernovas’—infinite sources of light and joy—themselves. And thus the process never ends– with anyone or anything.

OK. Rant over for now. Coming back down to earth.

[ P.S. Extending boundless joy to others does not mean one has to 'like' or even tolerate mean or downright despicable people or---more accurately---behaviour. Buddhists are definitely not stupid, naive or indifferent, and we are by definition dealing with a world full of unenlightened people i.e. just like us. However, the mere wish (no matter how difficult it is to sustain-- and trust me, I know all about this!) that those seemingly hopeless people could have been different (i.e. truly liberated and not trapped within them-"selves") itself still makes a difference-- and a very important moral difference at that. Think about it: what kind of world do we really want? ]

Dr Pillai (Baba)’s 3rd Eye / MidBrain Google Hangout (Click on the picture to watch)

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Namaste everyone,

In His “Live” Google Hangout yesterday, Dr Pillai (Baba) spoke about the significance of 21 December 2012 being the end of the Mayan Calendar.

Contrary to any notion of the “world ending on that date”, Baba explains why we have so much to look forward to after the 21st i.e. 22 December 2012 onwards represents the true dawning of the Golden Age.

Baba then gave several powerful teachings into the power of your 3rd Eye and Mid-Brain

Excitingly, Baba also gives a sneak peak into His upcoming FREE Mid-Brain Miracle Method 5 hour talkshow which will be broadcasted “LIVE” on 22 December 2012 from the US.

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With love,

Vijay

Elitist Character: Mental Disorders Hide us From Self Responsibility– Opposing My Roots: It’s my family’s fault! Character – Writing.

Continuing with:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

• 221. Insanity as a Fear turned into Fascination
  • 222. Insanity as Libertinage
  • 223. Selling and Buying Culture: Character Role Playing in Society
  • 224. Cultivate Your Personality: Human Egoism gone Mainstream
• 225. Is Living Life about Getting High?
  • 226. Seeking for a Posi+ive Fix All the Time?
  • 227. Are We Addicted to our Emotions and Feelings?
  • 228. Mental Disorders Hide us From Self Responsibility
  • 229. Not Understanding the Mind leads to Insanity

If I look back at where did I get these emotional imprints from, it’s quite obvious that they stem from our parents and immediate family which is the environment where we shaped ourselves from the very first 7 years of our life, determining ‘who we would be’ for the rest of our lifetime. We are currently aware that no couple of parents are absolutely aware of all the intricacies and considerations that must be regarded when it comes to preparing themselves to have a child and then to also Know How to Educate a Child in order to ensure that this absolutely important process of bringing another life into this world is considered as the most important task any human being can embark themselves on in this life.

I got a very cool reality-check when listening to the Horse Interviews

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse

wherein I realized to what extent we don’t honor each other and the totality of what is here as ourselves, I can say it with words how it was a cold-shock to realize how we are seen by animals as the example of How NOT to do/ be/ become or bring “life” on Earth, and instead how we should learn from them. Hearing the entire explanation certainly made me reconsider everything I had secretly loathed – well, most like openly loathed – about bringing children into this world and essentially, giving birth to new beings.

In terms of the development of our emotions and feelings, it’s common to always try and ‘make the baby happy’ and imprinting the reward system with concealments like giving milk to the child so that he can ‘shut up’ – I know I would do that and get it right every time. I learned how to get people’s attention through throwing a tantrum until I was old enough to realize that I was not going to get anywhere if I would continue, and so I stopped. But there were aspects that were ‘normal’ at home with which I grew up with and never investigated why they were so ingrained. I blamed my own ‘apprehension’ at school or the pressure I would have from peers or anything else, but as far as I remember I was quite angry as a child, always desperate, nervous, fearful, irritable and easily annoyed.

Throughout this process I’ve worked with aligning and correcting the patterns to get myself to a point of stability wherein I am certainly more ‘Here’ than creating this constant nervousness or apprehension/ worry/ stress that would lead to anxiety.

I can see, however, that I had definitive influences from parental figures in terms of adopting ways to deal with situations like: being impatient, angry, yelling out when things would not work, and get even more irritated when someone tried to ‘calm me down’ as I’ve explained in some previous blogs. This single acceptance of me as an ‘angry person’ and a general irateness became part of ‘who I am’ in such a way that it became unnoticeable to me, I truly believed that one had to just go up in flames every time something was not done the right way/my way, or that I could place order and control through exerting anger upon others = instilling fear within them so that I could have a sense of security and confidence over others. This included intimidating my own parents later on and as I’ve explained, I have memories of being 3 years old and already becoming seriously angry-possessed. I of course don’t blame my parents because I am aware of how I simply acquired this way of being, adopted it as ‘who I am’ and became it without a question, I learned how to ‘make others feel bad’ for myself and the moment I would see they would go into this ‘helplessness’ with/ toward me when being in such irate states, I would put even more effort within my own anger-possessions, which is where the entire point of ‘you are crazy’ came up and developed this entire spitefulness mode within me toward… well virtually anything or anyone that would be ‘against’ my way of being/ looking at things or trying to ‘impose’ me anything- yes, authority issues if you call it that.

I am aware that my mother would speak with me about these situations, but I just didn’t want to hear because the energy experience was more overwhelming than any form of common sense, and I would only shut up when I was too tired/ drained from throwing tantrums. Now, these points were not that often but, when I would get angry, it was quite hectic.

I also remember looking at other kids in the supermarket, crying and throwing a tantrum toward their parents so that the parents would buy them toys, and I would feel as if I was ‘over that,’ already comparing myself to others and basing the ‘who I am’ in relation to other kids, but I would do the same, probably not about getting  a toy or something like that, sometimes I would throw a tantrum just to not have to go and play with other kids. Hence the whole thing of ‘you are not normal!’ (Read:  111. ‘Why aren’t you normal?‘)

and yes, if you hear the Short Fuse Temper interview, you’ll get my life presented in an interview – with some differences but essentially the mechanism is there Life Review – Short Fused Temper Tantrums « EQAFE

Now, the memory that comes to mind is my mother calling my father several names indicating he had some type of anger management problems.  Of course I didn’t know what a mental disorder was nor what the words Actually meant, but just hearing her calling him that became an imprint that I was absolutely unaware of I had picked it up at some quantum level, and the words I remember her saying were ‘neurotic’ and ‘hysteric.’ This is an indication of how we actually speak without any form of awareness of how these emotional outbursts could be elevated to a range of ‘mental disorder’ in a soft-blow manner. It’s been actually absolutely cool to walk a mind construct in relation to my father which I partially shared in this blog, and got to know a lot about myself from that, even shared with him about my anger issues discoveries and solutions.

But, going back to the words  I would hear as neurotic, hysteric and others  indicated that there was a problem. I got to be quite aware of diseases from an early age as well as having a grand mother that was sick thought my entire lifetime for various reasons of her tormented life – which I have realized I kind of picked up in relation to this ‘depression’ and self-belittlement as well as the way she lead her life of isolation but at the same time existing in this cry-out for help. Lol, she irritated me a lot, I would irritate her just because I could. I have this memory of going to her house and just being ‘in the mood’ of irritating her and so, she was quite a ‘mess’ in her room and she would always have this entire box with medicines in it, she was always on medication – of which I remember also making fun of  all the meds she’d take as well – and I saw that it all was quite messy and what I did was: grabbed the box and ordered all her pills and medicine containers in what was a ‘perfect manner’ according to me. I wanted to ‘do good’ but at the same time I knew it would somehow piss her off, so, it did. She got quite pissed off and Marlen went into the mode of ‘I will never do anything good for her ever again!’ and so our relationship went on within that vein.

I always tried to ‘play funny’ with her because she was always in this irritable state. Hence my dislike for her was mostly a fear of becoming like her and I can see how till this day every time that I want things to get done As I Say, When I Say it is an indication of me playing out my grandmother and as such my mother and somehow my father as well. She was the type of person that played strong to raise her children while my grand father had several other children with other wives, so the entire victimization character and helplessness was coming form there as well as many other points like how to get people’s attention through being sick/ causing conflict in order to have power over others and so forth.

We developed this half-joking way of pissing each other off when we would meet. She would laugh and I would laugh but I can only have some few memories of us having any real conversations, which would mostly be about her memories/ her life/ getting to know her a bit, and that’s the end of our relationship. She died when I wasn’t in this country. I never bothered to go see her grave or anything like that and I see that when I bring her up there’s still some scorn toward her for whatever reasons I have secretly blamed her for, such as causing much distress in my mother, which I then saw as the reason why my other would be possessed and then take it out on us in one way or another. All these constant worrying, being infatuated with things, obsessed, hypochondriac, fearful became aspects that I have played out as well and can identify I would judge of her all the time.

Obviously, this is nothing personal since we are all aware we have become our minds through acceptance and allowance and that my point of responsibility is ensure I hold no grudge, idea or belief of ‘them’ doing something ‘onto me,’ but more like Me realizing, seeing and understanding how I accepted and allowed myself to imprint, copy and transfer their personas into myself and play it out, believing this was ‘who I was.’ This became also every clear when I developed an antagonism toward her or any other family member: they are able to show me where I have separated myself from ‘my roots’ through playing the opposite but, in the end, never taken responsibility for it.

Another point is that I never went to a psychologist except for one time when I ‘asked for help for my friend’ with my high school’s psychologist and all I can take from her is one vital point. She said ‘who is here asking for help: You or Him?’ – and so it burned my ego out for a moment to realize that I was in fact needing help, but I had refused to do so because of fearing having some form of actual problem, I feared obviously having to be seriously taken as mentally disturbed or having some problem. I don’t know how much I fooled myself within this but, to my eyes even at that time, we all were playing phony characters while inside, when being alone, we all felt equally sad, disgraceful, powerless, ugly, hating ourselves for whatever reason but everyone would just play dumb and happy to create a masquerade, and as much as I would be aware of this, I played along as well pretty much out of fear of having to open myself up to anyone about my experience. That’s one of the reasons I begun writing a lot but, without any form of common sense and actual self support, I would only go round in circles pouring out my emotions and feelings in several notebooks without reaching any form of change, because I was STILL believing myself to be IT.

This is how due to the extent that I would hear about people going on medications and having ‘mental disorders’ I simply feared getting that but at the same time made it my personal way of being wherein I would entertain myself with these ‘outrageous thoughts’ and way of looking at life which was also a mechanism to cope with everything that I had deemed as frightening to get to. Which includes fearing eventually going senile and insane and all of the illnesses that would indicate some form of mental disorder. I guess we all have that for that matter when thinking about old age and deterioration of our sanity. So, what’s the way to make peace with it? Turn the fear into a fascination, turn the fear into something  you can have some ‘control over’ apparently – hence my story. I never took a single pill for any form of mental disorder since that was absolutely seen as taking regular drugs by my family. But I never reached out for any form of support to understand my experiences other than equally ‘lost’ friends with whom I created bonds that lead me to only upgrade my self-beliefs. This was so until I got to Desteni.

So, this proves how also due to knowledge and information and fear of having to be labeled as depressed or having some form of chronic anxiety (read your Wikipedia it’s the new way of calling ‘neurosis’  “Instead, the disorders once classified as neuroses are now considered anxiety disorders”)

I am here walking this process to take responsibility for All the knowledge and information that I imprinted as ‘who I am’ based on environmental/ familial/ peer influence of which we are all affected by even if we ‘like it or not.’ This is one of the reasons why it must be understood that: unless we care for each other as equals and ensure a general Well Being and ‘Mental Health’  in society,  our current social-insanity will still seep through our educational systems, our entire system configuration that is based on a constant process of instilling FEAR instead of ways and support to Live. Hence it is virtually impossible for any person to be absolutely ‘sane’ and ‘normal’ in this  world wherein the very mechanism of how the mind worked was not at all in accordance to living life, but exists as the very Evil / Reverse of Life that we all accepted and allowed ourselves to become. And obviously to make a business out of it is a double mindfuck to say the least.

Long story, but will work with it bit by bit as quite a ‘few’ points came up today. How did I get to this? Word in the dictionary: kinsfolk – and so, got to see the points I had deliberately side viewed from my past until now.

Within this all we can see how we made a ‘big deal’ out of these emotional experiences in our mind, self created at all times. Equated them to points I had to try and ‘sort out myself’ without knowing I was reinforcing them, instead of ever realizing it was me and my mind participation that can be self corrected. We’ve essentially made a disease of a relationship that was already in no way ‘harmonious’ such as what the mind represents in relationship to the physical body.

And all of this is certainly something to take Self Responsibility for.

— This will continue  with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application on the afore mentioned points

• Desteni

• Desteni Lite Process – Support Yourself, Free Course

• Desteni I Process – Get to know yourself to Stop playing insanity

• Equal Money System  – To no longer make of Health another asset to sell to humanity and all living beings.

Blogs:

DeBA(I)Ting Life (Part 2): DAY 230

Day 230: The White Light and the Legion of Angels – ADC – Part 77

Interviews:

• Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse – Part 1

• Quantum Systemization – Preview Free

• Interview Download

• Life Review – Short Fused Temper Tantrums

I will use an example of what happened to me recently when I mentioned to a lady sitting next to me in the Doctor’s office that Equal Money is the only real solution to the utter chaos that exists here on earth. She was quick to disagree and her reason for doing so was as she put it: “there will never be enough people to agree upon such a thing”. Upon hearing her comment, I heard myself say to myself: ‘that offends me’, and then I became irritated and then angry when I wasn’t able to communicate further with her because her name was called for the Dr. who was ready to see her.

It’s not the first time that I’ve felt ‘offended’ when money is the topic of a conversation that I’m having with others. A couple of other things that I am often offended by is:

- – how we bow down to movie stars and/or anyone who has a lot of money.

I also get angry about how unconcerned we are that the rich have more than enough while millions have absolutely nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel offended and/or irritated and angry by the words and/or actions of another and for not realizing that only me as my mind as consciousness can experience being offended.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become offended at the idea of not having enough money to live on and within that I forgive myself that I have existed in fear that there won’t be enough money for myself and my family to survive thus,  I forgive myself for existing in self-interest and greed where I only ‘think’ to consider the fate of me and my family – instead of the fate of everything and everyone!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I become offended and angry towards those who are rich and famous it’s because I’m jealous and envious of the power that having money gives them and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor thoughts/images, like an instaflash of myself living my life like the rich and famous and for feeling guilty for supporting my own mind imagination/illusion by living vicariously through the lives of the rich and famous, thus why I continue to support that which supports my own secret mind illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the internal conversations and backchat where I hear myself say ‘that offends me’ because I secretly fear who I am as the offender of life, as one who has sit quietly by and supported the way our current world/money system exists because I secretly want to have and be more than, meaning: I secretly want someone to stroke me as who I am as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am the offender that I perceive myself offended by because I imagine and participate within my secret mind to having the same experience that I see the rich and famous having and yet I become irritated and angry toward them when the fact remains that I accept, allow and participate in and as an illusionary version of the very thing I’m offended by, thus I Am RESPONSIBLE  for the money madness of profit and greed that is crippling our world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a living expression of the words ‘offended’ and ‘offender’ according to negative energetic experiences of myself in how I have defined myself within the beLIEf that I’m able to be offended – when in actuality, when I ‘feel’ offended, it’s because I’ve just accepted myself as the victim – which is what I become because I fear taking responsibility for how our world/money system exists, because I fear if I acknowledge the insanity of our current world/money system then I will have to acknowledge the role that I play as the offender as well as many more of a cast of characters that I fear giving up as that which supports the abuse within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a negative experience of myself within the belief that someone has offended me and within that I forgive myself for how I experience myself as having lost – as if life is a game of winning and losing and so within the cycle of polarity of win and lose, I either experience myself as winning or losing – where within a disagreement with another I define my experience as being offended and become angry, irritated and resentful and thus experience myself as having a negative experience as if I’ve just lost at a game thus, I forgive myself for living life like a game, always looking to achieve some sort of energetic experience for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as the character of and as my mind as the offender that I secretly believe that I am entitled to have and been seen as more than others because I’ve not been willing to stop the polarity game of winning and losing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how irritation and anger has a direct effect within and as my physical body which results in pimples and boils to erupt as an indication of suppressing who I am as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my own acts of transgression, whereas I have followed the laws set by man/self and in doing so I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the Principle of Equality/LIFE, that whosoever is born unto this earth/world/reality/existence shall be given that which earth has provided for as All as ONE as Equal.

When and as I hear the words in my head: ‘that offends me’, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that the words are a red flag for me to stop, breathe, and investigate who I am as living in polarity through games of winning and losing – which is basically me wanting to have my ego stroked – thus I commit myself to direct myself to stop all reactions as internal conversations and back chat and to walk the point through in self-corrective application.

I commit myself to investigate who and what is really going on within me when I beLIEve that someone has offended me.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to live vicariously through the lives of the rich and famous and to instead take self-responsibility for what is here.

I commit myself to stopping the application of polarity of/as winning and losing and to begin living life one and equal with what is here.

I commit myself to redefine who I am as the words offended and offender, wherein I may become a living expression of/as the words within the principle of oneness and equality.

I commit myself to let go of my current life programming and to commit myself to identifying and studying the nature of who I am as my thoughts, feelings and emotions, to thus see, realize and understand who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I commit myself to direct the nature of who I am to become that which is best for all.

Self-Addiction to Emotions and Feelings as ‘Who We Are’ = Self Interest

Elitist Character: Mental Disorders Hide us From Self Responsibility – Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

• 221. Insanity as a Fear turned into Fascination
  • 222. Insanity as Libertinage
  • 223. Selling and Buying Culture: Character Role Playing in Society
  • 224. Cultivate Your Personality: Human Egoism gone Mainstream
• 225. Is Living Life about Getting High?
  • 226. Seeking for a Posi+ive Fix All the Time?
  • 227. Are We Addicted to our Emotions and Feelings?
  • 228. Mental Disorders Hide us From Self Responsibility

“the Mind/Energy will ‘fight’ for its Polarities, its relationships, its For/Against definitions, because in this process – it maintains friction/conflict, which is what fuel the existence of the Mind, which is what fuels the existence of this very World System, which fuels the attention-diversion/distraction of the Majority of Humanity to be preoccupied in Polarities, Polarity definitions, fuelling separation “divide and conquer” – while the Minority Elite take the reins of Humanity/life on earth – cause no-one is willing to give-up/let go of their Polarity, their Personality Definitions and actually UNDERSTAND ALL THINGS and align them into and as equal and one Solutions for ALL.” – Sunette Spies*

Self Forgiveness on who I shaped myself to be as my emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the energy of friction and conflict as ‘who I am’ within my mind without realizing that it was a part of me that I believed I had a ‘right’ to exist as, because: it is coming from me, it must be me – and in this abdicate my very first awareness to the thoughts in my mind as ‘who I am’ and ‘what I am,’ and from that moment on, losing any perspective to question my thoughts and experiences coming up in the mind and felt in my physical body, but instead simply continued to believe that this inner experience of friction and conflict had a ‘reason’ to be inside me and such, begin defining ‘who I am’ according to my mind, the nature of my thoughts, how I experienced myself as thoughts, emotions and feelings wherein my attention then centralized and focused on Me, My Mind, How I feel, beginning to neglect the rest of the beings and reality in itself just because of being focused on ‘who I am as the mind,’ missing out even the reality of myself as my own physical body within this mind-mode.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually use and fuel my own self conversations as a form of entertainment and re-assuring that ‘I am this mind,’ because the process of identifying myself ‘as my mind’ became solid as a child and as such, having this be confirmed by people around me when they started to identify me with a certain character like being ‘angry’ or ‘too aloof’ or ‘too conflictive’ or spoiled, which lead me to continue growing up believing that there was a ‘problem’ within me and that I was not normal/ not as other kids because of having this inner-conflict within me of any kind really,  that I could not ‘sort out’ but believe that ‘this is who I am/ I was born like this/ there is no solution’ – within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that this friction and conflict is something that defines me and that I would have to bear with the rest of my life, that there was no questions about it and that I would most likely end up like the adults, being able to ignite in extreme anger in one moment and not be able to stop, which indicates how I became aware of emotions as the aspect I resonated more with, which became a point of identification just because of what I had been exposed to in my reality as a child, which then defined ‘who I am’ according to these surges of anger  and distress that I would experience but was not able to solve within myself, therefore accepting these surges of energy as incontrollable/ unstoppable and ‘who I am,’ which is how I have come to accept the totality of the mind as myself without a question.

I realize that yes, the mind represents everything that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to separate ourselves from as ‘our nature’ as humanity which is not of harmony or completion or stability or benevolence, but, of actual evil as the reverse of life as all aspects of separation that we accepted and allowed ourselves to become. This is how I realize that I accepted conflict as a ‘problem’ within myself – just as any other human being – and that due to not knowing how others would also experience themselves, I created a point of specialness as in having some form of ‘anomaly’ for having these ups and down experiences which I identified as being actions that only ‘crazy people’ would have/ experience, eventually wearing the tag as a way to justify my inner conflict and even take proud of that because in one way or another, I was justifying my own personality as ‘special’ and ‘unique’ for having this ways of being which I actually fooled/ kid myself to believe I had no control of, when in fact as I review  such moments, I realize I absolutely was aware of what I was doing and how what I did was a deliberate point of causing and instigating conflict within myself as entertainment and others, because it just felt ‘good.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use friction and conflict within me as a point of self-infatuation and entertainment wherein I began only focusing on ‘How I felt’ in every moment wherein I was given the option to ‘feel good’ or ‘feel bad’ and define everything in my life according to likes and dislikes that became points/  aspects of self identification by people in my environment as ‘who I am,’ and within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that because people were okay with having things that they like and dislike or specific characteristics/ moods/ preferences, I was able to then do the same and seek the most unique ways to exist in comparison to them, which is how everything that I perceived as ‘normal’ around me, became my standing point to define myself as everything that I would be ‘against’ to, without realizing that it was never ‘Me’ as a physical being living at all, but just existing as a mind that would lead to define oneself according to standing ‘against’ the majority, standing against/ opposing one’s “normal-environment,” only for the purpose to have a way to stand as a ‘different’ or ‘authentic’ personality defined in opposition to others, and in this only fueling and supporting the separation, the friction and conflict that ensued from that moment on in my life,  wherein

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within this identification of who I am as the mind, I defined ‘who I am’ according to being ‘the opposite’ to what my family and peers at school represented, and as such, build  my own specialness and security within these definitions at a mind level, which only lead me to every time seek to upgrade my ‘personality’ and preferences, characteristics as a way to not only then antagonize my family or people at school, but the world system in itself in a spiteful mode that I took on toward everything and everyone, without realizing that everything that I spiting at all times was only myself when and while neglecting my very own physical body and the substance that I am as life, using it to power and fuel my  mindfucks, literally, which is unacceptable – therefore

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept this culture of ‘personality cultivation’ and creation based on defining me as a particular character with preferences and temperament as all the thoughts, beliefs, ideas and opinions I started creating as ‘my point of view’/ my way of being, without realizing that every single definition that I took on as myself became just another way to define myself As something that would invariably stand within one pole that would create friction/ conflict/ react to the opposite pole as another definition to which I would invariably react to, as I had to somehow ‘defend’ myself as My definition whenever the opposite would present itself in my reality.

I realize that I always had one moment before reacting wherein I would actually decide to ‘role play’ my part and react to that which I was supposed to react to based on my preferences, my personality and that which I defined would make me ‘angry’ or ‘mad’ or happy or sad or excited based on the preferences and personality that I began cultivating as a child as ‘who I am.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘fill the character’ that I became by my own apparent ‘will’ to do so, and do, react, say and speak the way that I had built myself to be, do, act and speak like, within this complying to the social norm of becoming a character that is predictable and would react against/ oppose or like that which is defined as the oppostite polarity of myself. Within this also,

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘follow through’ with my own script throughout the years and continue fulfilling the reactive character every time that I was almost expected to ‘fulfill the character,’ which is how I realized that the personalities that I created were mostly  ‘a show’ for others, a way to stand in self-importance, specialness, uniqueness and in that learned to only focus on my self, fulfill myself, react when I was expect to do and never question again this as something that could be stopped, because, I had already ‘gotten married’ with the idea of myself/ gotten too much into character, which then became a Lie I had to follow through with and eventually it integrated fully as ‘who I am’ over the years and that was it. I believed that I could not ‘change me’ and stop participating in the character because of the fear of ‘who would I be without it,’ not realizing that the only thing that fears stopping self definitions is the mind, not who we really as as a physical body that is actually being abused and neglected throughout our developmental processes in the mind wherein we are only focused on cultivating our characters and self-experience.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the inner conflict experienced would always be with me and that I would grow up to be as angry/ neurotic as the adults I was aware of in the family, and that I would end up being somehow sick and with some form of mental problem or disorder as well as an emotional problem – such as chronic depression or constant worry and stress – without ever really having investigated how this all was just part of me having identified myself with my thoughts, feelings and emotions as ‘who I am’ as well as adopting the ‘ways of being’ from the characters around me in the family/ society, and as such, believing that I had something ‘wrong’ within me because the inner conflict would not go away – hence believing that I was invariably going to have a ‘disease/ sickness/ mental problem’ at a later stage in life – hence

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize to what extent there is ignorance in humanity with regards to the nature of how the mind works, wherein one single energetic experience was perceived as something utterly ‘wrong,’ or a malfunction, anomaly or disease because of how we’ve programmed ourselves to believe that what we see on TV or as the façade of each other as ‘harmonious,’ ‘happy’ and naturally joyful beings was in fact ‘real’ and had to be ‘who we are,’ without realizing it is a masquerade to hide the actual fear, stress, depression that is experienced within, as that is the nature we have all accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as the mind, fueling this constant belief that we have to ‘keep up with the positive’ while all the time we experience this inner-conflict when participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions that veered toward the opposite and no matter how we categorize our experiences as positive or negative, they all represent a point of conflict which indicates energy which is of the mind and as such, able to be stopped and self corrected as a point of Self Responsibility.

I realize that this  ‘incongruence’ of my inner experience and the outer experience I was supposed to present, created a rift within myself believing that ‘there was something wrong with me,’ and this mostly being talked about in the media as mental disorders and being depressed or having low self esteem, being addicted to a form of self-abuse, belittlement and all of that which was considered as a mental problem/ a Grave problem, which I then kept quiet about and kept a well placed façade of ‘everything is fine, I am perfectly normal,’ even within my dissident/ antagonist characters, but ‘normal,’ and such, veering toward other ways to ‘make sense’ of my inner conflict, leading me nowhere but further confusion and relationships that supported this inner conflict, which became the focus on my life, trying to make sense of it through others, through living the lives of others and avoiding looking at my own, becoming friends with and having relationships that I thought I could use as a way to sort out my own inner conflict through others, instead of focusing on my own and within this, only aggravating the inner conflict that I kept for myself all the time, out of fear of actually having to ‘ask for help.’  Within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to label these energetic experiences as ‘mental disorders’ to that are in fact the ‘normal’ workings of the mind within how it  operates and understanding that for that matter, all human beings could be labeled as having some ‘mental disorder’ because The Mind in itself works through friction and conflict that we perceive as our emotions and feelings and thoughts, inner conversations, backchat – therefore there was not going to be in any way a ‘mental health’ or stability possible as long as we would seek only to make people ‘happy’ and ‘positive’ and get their ‘motivation’ back up, which is why and how I always resisted having any support because it seemed to phony to just veer to the positive and ‘be happy’ while the reality that I was witnessing, was nothing but happy for everyone, was nothing but harmonious wherein I would witness a world that was existing in constant fights and problems with money, politicians, poverty, wars and all of this only meaning to me one thing: this world is crazy and so am I, within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of ‘the state of the world’ as a way to justify my experience as being ad hoc to the state of the world – madness, instability, depressio, crisis – hence the entire characterization of ‘the sensitive being’ that reacts to what others apparently would not see, and in this becoming even more self absorbed in my own emotional experiences about the world, linking that to ‘art’ and ending up victimizing myself, believing that ‘there is no way out, it’s the devil’s way now’ which is how I see obviously even the music that I would hear would support this entire ‘depressed’ character not because I was not being supported to live – that’s why it is the elitist character, because I was not suffering a physical life of Lack of money/ health/ poverty or abuse – but I was only focusing on cultivating these emotions and ‘sensitivity’ to the world as a point of self interest, because of having learned how ‘artists were sensible beings’ and I actually made people accept me as ‘different’ due to this so-called ‘sensitivity’ and ‘specialness’ that I built in within myself, getting completely in this character that was probably even ‘allowed’ to be alone, isolated, depressed because of the same character of which I also expected to make a ‘name’ of myself for,  and justify my non-compliance to the system as well as defending my ‘point of view’ to not even attempt to create a change within the system itself – in essence: the ultimate justification to Not stand up for my life and the life of this world in equality.

All the time that I only cultivated my personality, my inner conflict, my dissatisfaction with life, my helplessness, my worry, my concern, my sadness toward the world, my depression, my confusion about people, my judgmental experiences of opposition toward ‘the world system,’ my desires to just ‘fly away’ and be out of the system, desires to expose the ‘ugly through something beautiful’ in some form of expression were again only actions, words cultivating a character within me, wherein I was not actually willing to investigate my self-experience, my mind and How I had created it, but only ‘get the most of it’ and making it into an acceptable character in society which is why I veered toward arts/ humanitarian studies and ‘dissed’ my apparent potential to become something else because of getting into this ‘sentimental character’ that was apparently my ‘humane’ aspect to cultivate as ‘my real personality’ – thus

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to cultivate my emotions  in order to be on the side of those that were ‘alive’ and could see the world and be sad about it and depressed and feel ‘misunderstood,’ which became really just another self-interest game where I would only remain as a victim, living in constant drama and this belief of there being something ‘wrong’ within me because of not being ‘happy’ and ‘joyful’ naturally – without realizing that:

I had never in fact understood how the mind functioned and how even if I was addicted to feeling sad, sorry for myself, depressed and victimized all the way, is still the same as fixating on everything that is positive, happy and joyful that I criticized extensively in the past, which proves the ignorance toward our own mind wherein we believe that we are somehow being more ‘responsible’ for being sad/ gloomy/ angry at the world when it is just another way to focus on our own experience and not really at all looking at the world and realizing that there are solutions required that will not be solved with us ‘feeling bad’ about it, that’s just blatant self-interest and an actual defense mechanism to not become a sound being that can stand in the face of reality and take absolute self responsibility for ourselves/ the world here as breath, which is what I have realized within this process: we cannot sustain this self-interested experiences of ups and downs and seeking happiness or being subsumed in depressions- which is the same thing – but actually stop participating in all forms of energetic experiences and focus on integrating ourselves to our physical body here as breath, that does Not require to have a particular ‘stance’ toward the world as an experiencing ourselves to do, be, say and act toward what’s best for all.

I commit myself to expose how our energetic fixations of the mind as desires, wants and needs – as well as rejections, denials, suppressions – represent the ‘who we are’ as the mind that functions through energy, which is who we have become as consciousness and within this, exposing how we have diminished ourselves in the physical to these limited characters that fight and define one against the other with no ability to actually create solutions, stand up for that which matters, because we are so busy trying to sort out our inner experiences, without even looking at the consequences that are ensuing from such self-experience as a drug of the mind. And so

I commit myself to stop any mind fixation within me either perceived as positive or negative and any participation in the self-definition of who I have been as a point of  preference or habit in order to finally be able to stand as  a sound stable physical being that can be effective to be self directive, self-motivated to establish solutions in this world and stop wallowing in any form of self experience as the result of seeing ‘the state of the world’ as that is only but a mechanism of defense to continue existing as a mind that ‘feels’ and ‘becomes emotional’ but establishes no solutions to the problems we’ve created, which is our responsibility at all times.

I commit myself to expose how our ‘mental instability’ is nothing ‘out of this world,’ but the mechanism of how the mind works and for this, realizing that reducing ourselves to have some form of ‘mental instability’ is the ultimate self-incapacitation in order to believe that we are not ‘strong enough’ or ‘good enough’ or ‘capable enough’ to stand up to create solutions in this world.

I realize that the moment we focus on our mind problems/ inner experience, we absolutely miss out the reality that is here and this is how it is imperative for all of us to get to a point of constancy and consistency as the stability that we are able to all live by here as Breath, as life in the physical, so that we no longer get distracted by our energy fixes of the mind as ‘problems’ and ‘instabilities’ that are self created just as another attention diversion aspect within our worlds.

I commit myself to expose how it is only possible for us people that have enough food to eat, a place to live and education to be focusing on this ‘inner experience’ due to having ‘more time’ to spend wondering in the mind instead of being physically working and participating in activities that are related to actually contributing to life on Earth. This is how depression and any other form of mental instability that can be identified as ‘mental disorder’ hence an apparent  “drug-required disease,” is just another way to make money for the pharmaceutical companies that use this ‘weakness’ within the human mind in a capitalist world to believe that emotions and feelings are a disease that can be controlled or healed with chemicals/drugs, instead of actually investigating one’s life to see how these ‘disorders’ were entirely self created, accepted and allowed and as such take responsibility for them, in order to not only correct oneself in one’s living and physical stability, but also to support establishing conditions in this world through education and the necessary changes in the entire system so that whichever system-deficiency is able to be identified as a problem that propitiates this mental problems, we create a solution for, which implies the implementation of the Equal Money System to ensure that people are no longer subject to a survival mode that feeds this inner conflict of the mind, but instead we are able to focus on re-establishing our living conditions to that which is optimal and supportive to be Living in this world as physical beings and no longer existing of/ as friction and conflict in the mind, feeding each other’s mind-realities and instead, support each other to ground ourselves as the physical, stop living as characters and work together to create a world that is based on life in equality.

– I will continue with looking at how these energetic experiences of the mind as emotions and feelings causing inner conflict, were reduced to being ‘mental disorders’ of the mind wherein we made an illness of something that is each individual’s point of self responsibility to correct, stop and align to the physical living wherein the focus must always be to stand as beings that support life in Equality with All – and within this, for once and for all, stop supporting each other’s inner-instabilities as ‘who we are’ and dare to call that a human crisis instead of a human problem caused by ourselves and resolved by ourselves individually.

Desteni Forum 

Desteni Lite Process – Free Course of Self Support

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Desteni 

Journey to Life Blogs

Emotions and Feelings are Self Interest – Stop the Self-Addiction

Educate Yourself about How your Mind Operates:

• Self Awareness steps for the Elite

• Quantum Mind Self Awareness

• Quantum Systemization

• Mente Cuántica – Consciencia de Uno Mismo

Blogs:

• Day 229: Thought at the Quantum Level – ADC – Part 76

• *DeBA(I)Ting Life: DAY 229

Interviews to Step out of the Mind and realize the opportunity and responsibility we hold toward ourselves/ each other to create a world that is livable for all:

• Giving Up on Myself – Life Review

• You Never Actually Lived – Life Review

• When EMPTINESS is REAL – Life Review

Before even getting ourselves into any form of doubt about having a ‘mental disorder,’ one should realize that the current explanation any psychologist, psychiatrist, neurologists or any other form of physician can provide about how the mind works is limited to what the human eye/ mind can assess of itself. This means: it is as limited as our ability to see reality and how it actually functions, which lacks of any form of understanding in order to provide for solutions that can better the lives of all individuals equally. You require proof of of this? Look at this world, there’s our proof/ truth/ reality and it is certainly not working at its best at all.

This is how and why the Desteni Research over the past 6 years is of utmost importance to humanity in order to understand How the Mind actually Functions and what Consciousness in Fact Is. It is virtually playing god or saints to give some miraculous power these chemicals/ drugs and expect any form of supposed ‘mental disorder’ be cured while having absolutely NO idea of how such  perceived/called/named ‘disorder’ was created by the individual through all environmental influences/ exposure in the first place.

Continuing from:

• 220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle
  • 221. Insanity as a Fear turned into Fascination
    • 222. Insanity as Libertinage
    • 223. Selling and Buying Culture: Character Role Playing in Society
    • 224. Cultivate Your Personality: Human Egoism gone Mainstream
  • 225. Is Living Life about Getting High?
    • 226. Seeking for a Posi+ive Fix All the Time?
    • 227. Are We Addicted to our Emotions and Feelings?

As a recap, I have gone through a general perspective of how this drug culture is currently a multi-billion making market that exists within a very well regarded sector of our society which is, paradoxically enough, the health system. The problem is that this HELLth system is lacking any actual understanding of the human mind to in any way provide actual support for what’s been called ‘mental disorders’ of which we are quite familiar with since there is a constant bombardment within the media – and by psychiatrists themselves- to diagnose any person, including children and babies as young as 2 year olds, with disorders that they can give some prescription drug for and make a sustainable amount of profit from all the people that get literally hooked on legal drugs, and yes, that is legal as it is within the framework of the ‘health system’ and approved by so-called authorities at a governmental level. Lack of policies that care for life and only go for the money? Absolutely.

Where’s our responsibility?

This is as important as valuing your own life: there exist in no way a possibility for any form of drug to ‘cure you’ of that which You have created and programmed yourself within who you have accepted and allowed yourself to be and become as your mind in all its layers and systems. All of this is being explained within the interviews that explain the actual technology of the mind with absolute specificity to ensure that we, as humanity for the first time, get to actually KNOW what the hell is going on within our minds and how there is no actual ‘disease’ but only self created patterns, habits, coping and survival mechanisms to exist within a world wherein we learn how to define ‘who we are’ according to our mind only, who we are as our emotions and feelings, as out thoughts and internal conversations; within this, and once one realizes to what extent we have virtually absorbed our environment to accept it as ‘who we are,’ we are all collectively responsible for everything and everyone in this reality, because the moment I accepted that ‘I am my thoughts,’ I became subject to cultivating this who I am according to these thoughts that I actually imprinted, copied, transferred from my environment/ sphere of influence, my ‘education,’ that which surrounded me wherein if I would have been a feral kid living with wolves or cows, I would have Not developed the human-traits of identifying myself with thinking processes or developing my emotional and feeling bodies as we are taught to do so by our parents from the very first moment we are driven to be ‘entertained’ or ‘pull out a smile’ or being made ‘happy’ with plastic toys and colors, pictures, sounds and gestures that we get bombarded with while being barely able to discern our reality. All this world of constant stimulation is what we have accepted as ‘who we are’ as ‘what makes us feel good,’ and for that: we had to accept thoughts, feelings and emotions as the mind, as energy created by our acceptance of this entire energy-based system as ‘who we are.’ Where is the physical body within this? Nowhere. And what is created from not being able to obtain this positive feel-goodness? Mental instability/ disorders through our perceived lacked of that promoted ‘happiness’ as an actual state of being natural to the human being.

For more on this you can read:

210. Not Having Money Makes You Sad– but Why?

198. Wealth and Positivity a Synonym of Abuse «

209. Successful Living = Capitalist Brainwash «

115. Following our Dreams is Plain Delusional «

Getting Rid of the Mind = Getting Rid of the Problem?

A common belief there is within and while walking the Desteni material is ‘getting rid of the mind’ / getting rid of knowledge and information/ stop thinking, when it is not about that in itself: we are the mind, it is an integral part of ourselves and it would be as ludicrous as saying I am not my blood vessels – and this is due to how ingrained and intertwined the mind in fact exists within the physical body. Thus, what we are doing here is walking a process to Align ourselves as beings within our physical body to integrate ourselves within our physical bodies, living in physical common sense which does not require all the friction and conflict that the mind is always instigating as our thoughts, feelings and emotions that we have accepted and allowed as ‘who we are’ to keep us all well entertained ‘up there,’ while disregarding the actual mechanisms of how the mind works and What Powers such mind which is the physical substance, just like we extract the oil from the earth as substance to transform it into gas to be able to move around in our motorized vehicles. Same process – look at all the problems that exist in this world due to this process which I explained in more detail here: Day 2 – Running out of Oil «

The mind resources energy from the physical body to exist. And every time we accept the mind as who we are we consume ourselves which implies that this is the reason why our current system is entirely energy based. The Soul of Money series explains this precise relationship of the relationship between the mind and the physical as the economic model that we’ve implemented in our reality as our current capitalist system, and that analogy in itself should be taken into consideration by more analysts and professionals in terms of finding an economic solution to this world. We do have our own common sense being provided within the Economist’s Journey To Life  blog that provides all the necessary understanding and exposure of our current economy and how to practically transform into an equality based system.

Within this, it is to see that the moment we accept ourselves to be our mind’ we accept the entire system as it is – and this single aspect as a virtual ‘normalcy’ that we’re born into, is what we’ve used to keep us going nowhere but down the road of self destruction, because no one has ever questioned The Mind as who we are in the first place, not to mention the totality of how the mind functions as all that which we are only aware of at a conscious mind level only, which is only the tip of the iceberg of everything that the mind in fact really is and the extent to which everything we have ever been has only been a byproduct of this energetic-resourcing mechanism that the mind inflicts and imposes onto the physical body – is this a matter of coincidence? No, it is human engineering that is explained by the creators of the human physical body themselves and the races that came before the human being – for that, listen to the Reptilian Series and the Atlantean Series to get to understand what the relationship creation process entails – and no, it is not about ‘partnership relationships’ but definitions we created toward everything and everyone in our reality based on Energy.

So, is ‘Energy’ the bad guy then?

No, as everything that is Here in this existence is ourselves, it is the same as wanting to blame money for being evil in this world when it’s not ‘money’ in itself that’s the problem, but  Who We Are As that money which implies that the human nature – and for that matter – the existential nature of what we became from the moment we separated ourselves from our oneness and equality. This primordial ‘times’ explanation is walked through the series The Secret History of the Universe that tell the never-before known/ understood archives of our existence, books from the library of Alcyone that are being narrated/ translated by one of the only beings that had access to that information to reveal How the very first form-manifestations in existence existed-as and related to one another – and this is explained to the T in the following interview:

The Secret History of the Universe – Is Energy Life – Part 6

This is why responsibility resides within each one of us as there is no way ‘you’ could be out of this existential process and emerged out of ‘nowhere’ in this reality, this is how is plain delusional to believe we hold no responsibility toward ourselves, the world, each other, animals, and everything that is existent in our reality.

This is also why we are walking our individual process of writing, self forgiveness, self corrective application to understand How we have separated ourselves from our physical body, which is an expression that implies that: we accepted and allowed ourselves to define ‘who we are’ as individuals and toward each other according to a systematized version of life through energy, which is the mind, the mind works on energy which is a reduced awareness of substance which at the same time, is also a part of and what life is as there is nothing ‘left out’ within this existence from being part of ‘who we are.’ This is why we talk about equality as life, we are one and equal as part of this same existence,  each human being is existing as/ made of the same ‘fabric’ as everything and everyone else.

We had ignored the fact of how the mind worked and how it was in fact not the actuality of Living life in the physical, but reducing Life to a single set of energetic experiences assessed by all the layers of the mind in order to create an output of ‘who we are’ according to knowledge and information toward that part of reality/ person/ point we are looking at in reality, which means that we have always only lived through our minds, as energy – not as physical breathing beings that assess physicality by seeing direct – and Not through the perception of what we’ve become as the characters, personalities, knowledge and information as the mind. Yes, we were ‘unaware’ of how it all worked, BUT we cannot deny at all that we were ‘unaware’ of the consequences that are here in our face every single moment as our reality and what we’ve become when cultivating this personified version of ‘life’ at the expense of Life, which is again, at the expense of ourselves.

Thus the mind is who we are as what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become – which is our responsibility. It is who we are because it represents all the relationships we  created within our processes of individualization, which is – in very basic terms – to imprint and assign energetic experiences to things, people/ parts of our reality in order to define ‘who we are’ toward ‘them/ that’ – this is how separation began from our physicality into energy: defining ‘who we are’ as thoughts, emotions, feelings, how we ‘experience’ ourselves toward other parts and people and particles of our reality, which is then what requires a point of self-definition in order to assess ‘who I am/ what I want to be’ in relation to this/ that part of reality. But at the same time, due to understanding how the mind functions and operates, we cannot possibly define who we really are as only these Experiences that we have toward people/ reality/ beings and determine that as ‘our living’/ life / all that we are – no way, yet unfortunately that’s how we’ve lived as human beings: I am a woman, I am a mother, I am a father, I am an engineer, I am a lover, I am a loser, I am a drug addict, I am a savior, I am intelligent being, I am a depressed person, I am a deceiver, I am a happy person, I am a wealthy being, I am a special unique individual….

At a physical level in common sense, there is no need to differentiate ourselves according to ‘how we feel, think or experience’ ourselves about others or reality in its totality – however, we all complied to this process even before humanity existed – and that is absolutely each and every single person, being or manifestation’s responsibility because within this all: we are all equal and one, and that is not some nice magical term but an actual consideration of the responsibility we hold toward ourselves as individuals, as our physical, as our mind and toward each other for everything that we’ve become.

Then why do we have to ‘Forgive Ourselves?/ Apply Self Forgiveness?’

Why Self Forgiveness is necessary? My perspective and realization throughout this process is: How else could be give ourselves the necessary authority and self-will to realize the fuckup, realize where we deviated ourselves from this equality and oneness, to within this self-directive process,  gather enough courage, self direction and integrity in Common Sense to have the absolute decision to support ourselves to, for the first time, to in fact Live, not as a programmable energetic platform that we’ve been living by/as ‘who we are’ as all the personalities/ characters that constantly and continuously ‘remind us’ who we are. Seriously, does life require all of this mayhem of personalities, interests, self deluded ideas of grandeur in order to exist? No, that’s the result of our separation, because in separation, we will always seek to get back to the ‘whole,’ but this ‘wholeness’ is understood as a ‘moreness’ – which is where greed comes from – instead of walking bit by bit our process to understand the actual equality and oneness that we are and can live by As Individuals when equalizing ourselves as our physical body, as our mind, so that we are no longer energy-driven bots seeking for the next fix of an energetic high to be or become something ‘more’ than what we Already Are as the totality of everything that is here.

Education is Necessary for any Real Change

This is part of what I’ve learned this year thanks to what I can call the Existential and Humanitarian Educational Research conducted by the Interdimensional Portal at Desteni, wherein we are able to get perspectives from the systems themselves to understand what consciousness is, who we are in relationship to it, why we are existing in this world, what are the solutions, what is our responsibility, who created us, why are we only Now getting this information, is there an existence after death? is there a god? what was god? what is our purpose within this  existence then?  – and all I could say is that instead of investing in any form of temporary fix of entertainment, there is no greater satisfaction and stability that one can obtain from these interviews that have allowed me to solve existential woes and questions that would still lead me to be ‘uncertain’ about this entire process and our role within it all. It is absolutely clear to me that only through this education at Eqafe can we assist and support ourselves to In Fact be and become Living Beings that have the necessary understanding – with our respective application with our individual self support of course – in order to create an actual change in this world beginning with ourselves that can surely, this time, stand the test of time and ensure that we never again enslave ourselves to the abusive system and reality we’ve all shaped with our mighty mind forces of self interest as humanity, which is everything that you and I reading this and getting to this point are willing to take responsibility as part of our Self-Realization Process.

Standing up for Life in Self Responsibility thus begins within ourselves, our own mind, our own body, our own relationships no matter how ‘petty’ we can see ourselves at this moment, we are standing up for that which represents Life in Equality and there is certainly nothing ‘greater’ than that, but there’s also quite a process to walk in order to ensure we create the best possible ways to implement these realizations in our physical reality, this world, changing our current economic system into an Equality system that can ensure we are in fact able to trust one another as life, and that is the Equal Money System. 

Time to get out of the remote-view of our self-deluded versions in our minds of ‘who we are’ and ‘what’s the point’ of all this process – this existence is ourselves and it’s in our hands. We cannot afford to continue diverting our attention with even more self-created problems through our own creation and participation of them in our own ‘heads’ in the first place  due to this basic self definition of who we are as energy of thoughts, emotions and feelings. This whole point proves that as within, so without = we are it all and so is our responsibility equally existent toward the whole.

You decide where you stand.

Next will continue with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application upon this primordial separation of who we are as the mind and then, Live the realization that: any form of Mind-Instability/ disorder is Self Created and we Must take Responsibility for it ourselves. Not the drugs.

Self Support to Begin your Journey to Life is Here:

• Desteni Lite Process 

• Desteni I Process

• Desteni Forum

• Equal Money System to equalize ourselves at a physical level where life is no more sold for money as the delusional values we’ve imposed upon life.
  

Must Read Blogs:

• “It’s Not MY Responsibility”: DAY 228

• Day 228: And then the Soul Matured… – ADC – Part 75

• This blog is part of the After Death Communication Series

Get some incentive to Live and be physically hear through hearing the Horse’s lessons about giving birth to Life in the Physical.

• Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse – Part 1

• Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse – Part 2

• Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse – Part 3

Quantum Systemization – Preview

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience an “aversion” to painting where within this aversion I am defining painting as a complete waste of time, that there is so many other better ways to spend my time so that I am developing the necessary skills to stand as an effective example of Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disappointment within myself in relation to painting, where whenever I am preparing to paint or considering/looking at the point of making a painting or making art I end up experiencing disappointment, because in that moment when looking at/considering or preparing to paint/do art, I feel as though what I am about to do is not an effective use of my time, and then in this am both caught between and torn between “to paint” or “not to paint” not knowing which direction to go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disappointment in relation to the point of not ever really getting to refine my painting skills/abilities to a point where I am effective within this skill, where within me I deep down feel/believe that this painting/art point is not in fact going anywhere, that this is just a temporary thing, which also create quite a contradiction within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear never getting to actually refine my art skills.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat “Art is a waste of time” where within such back-chat I am implying that I should not do art and that its a waste of time, yet am at the same time I am practically applying myself in this point, and so in entertaining, and participating with such back-chat am creating the experience within myself of being torn between either painting or not painting, fuelled within and as the back-chat statement “painting is a waste of time” that is in complete contradiction to what I am attempting to live / physically moving myself within and so create stress and friction and inner conflict within myself as I walk this painting/art point, while at the same time, contradicting myself in my back-chat where I am stuck between either doing it or not because I don’t know if my belief/back-chat that “painting is a waste of time” is real or not.
So When did I define Art as a “waste of time”.
I remember I used to value doing Art as being a high purpose. I was do dedicated to it. I was so engrossed in it, in learning about it, researching it, practicing, exploring, investigating, refining, pushing. I was this way up until around the time I found Desteni. I had still held my value system towards art within myself during this time, but I had already started to decline in my “artistic output” though I did not consider art as a waste of time.
I also remember after art school one time I was at my aunts house and my relatives where there. I stayed for a little while but then left early because I was going back to my house to work on painting. I remember speaking to my uncles about it and they were more business men that worked in the system in a 9 to 5 kind of way, and in communicating with them I formed this perception that they thought that I was dedicated and that I would amount to something with my art because of my dedication.
So I stood my ground in a way. I was “set” on my “task at hand” I was determined to make art work.
Even though I was faced with business type men I did not look at what I was doing as a “waste of time” in fact I considered it to be more ‘noble’ in a way to be “more important than what they were doing” so here I was actually judging what they were doing and I had within myself exalted art to a “higher status”.
I realize now that this is not the case, that everything is equal. Previously I had believed that Art was “more superior” There is also the point here that “I was following my dream” which was intertwined into the definition I had created/constructed around the point of art.
I used to look at allot of art books and I used to want to be as good as the Artists in the books. I still do.
I want to reach a degree of expertise in my field that I am satisfied with. But I feel like this is a want that distract me from what is actually real. Meaning the actual context of our world currently where war, starvation, suffering and the destruction of humanity and the earth is taking place – Like we are eating ourselves. That is REAL, that is a priority.
So my question is Where does refining my skill-set in Art come into play or/and does it come into play at all.
Obviously Id like to become effective in my ability within expressing/communication in this point. Because that is what I am doing. I am expressing/communicating me. I feel like the point to really discover how to communicate effectively within art is possible, but perhaps not yet in this life-time.
That is where I am torn.
I mean practically speaking, Art seeeeeemmmmmmsssss like a route that I ‘could’ walk but that is a BIG “seeemmms like” so implying still an uncertainty, a doubt.
Ok getting back to “Art is a waste of time”
In the past, I had nothing else to do but do art. There was no other purpose to my life. Therefore I could do art night and day.
When I started with desteni, I started applying myself within different various processes/tools and this takes quite a bit of time during the day.
And now also I have different responsibilities with Desteni that I see as being of importance and thus “developing my skill in art” takes a back-seat because obviously it does not matter how skilled I am at art, if I have no understanding of who I am and what life is and how I function and create reality then WTF.
The Development of Self Awareness takes president.
And also here I can see now how I have formed this idea that “Art is a waste of time” because the process of self realization is obviously the priority point, and so within my process of doing Art, I must become effective at ensuring that My Process never takes a back-chat seat or second place. Because that then WOULD be a waste of time, because it is ME that is essentially taking the back-seat waiting for me to actually pay attention to me, and Support myself to see/realize/understand who I am.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am wasting my time, when ever I place my process in second place, because my process is ME, and without ME in the picture, then no matter what I do, I am not really HERE anyways but suppressing myself behind some pursuit that I have given more value than ME. The very point that is required to actually Substantiate my Existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my process second behind art, where in for instance my Daily application of me within process, within my process of writing and doing my DIP lessons, and supporting on the forums and in Networking etc starts to diminish due to me placing my attention on art.
I commit myself to ensure that my Commitment to Myself/Process is my number one priority where I am always moving and motivating me within this instead of treating it as something to just get done with each day to move onto other things in my life, which then would indicate a mis-interpretation of what in fact is of REAL VALUE to me, this world and what is best for all.
I commit myself to dedicate myself DAILY to developing Self Awareness and Effective Practical Living within The context of what is best for all, doing this through assisting and supporting myself through the various Desteni Process that are set-up and that I am participating with and to NOT EVER forget that this is THEE most important part of my life, not because I must make it this way, but because it actually has the most value to life as it support REAL LIFE as the bringing forth of a world of oneness and equality and what is best for all.

Desteni I Process LITE

Desteni Has launched Desteni I Process Lite. This is a completely free, online course with buddy support. The course material has been designed from the ground up to accommodate complete beginners to the Desteni material. And if you’ve been with Desteni for years, there’s a lot you can learn through revisiting the basics in a format you haven’t experienced yet.

Daily EQAFE Interview Support

Quantum Systemization – Preview 

Featured Desteni Links

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Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
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Mount Arunachala

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Namaste everyone,

Today, 27 November 2012, is DEEPAM, the one day in the year where people will light a huge bonfire atop Mt Arunachala at Thiruvanamalai in India.

Mt Arunachala is one of the most sacred spots on the face of this earth and amongst others, is said to symbolise Lord Shiva in His element as FIRE.

Dr Pillai (Baba) is currently at Thiruvanamalai for this sacred occasion, and just decided, out of grace and love for His students, to give a SPECIAL INITIATION to everyone into the DIVINE LIGHT  radiating from Mt Arunachala at this most powerful time of the year.

Please see excerpts from the Pillai Center newsletter that was just sent out as to how you can receive this gift from Baba.

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If you would like to join Baba’s “Live” Initiation call, you can click HERE

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With love

Vijay

“The bad sleep epidemic: Forget insomnia, are you a victim of ‘semi-somnia’? Triggered by stress and computer use, this low-quality sleep is wrecking millions of lives…”

Looks like more and more people are suffering from poor sleep, where one might wake up several times in the night or just generally have only a light sleep throughout the night without every going into a deep sleep, and waking up feeling unrested. According to the above article, one-in-three Britons are suffering from these sleep problems. That’s a lot.

The reason for this interrupted or light sleep is that it’s because our minds are racing with information that keeps us up and keeps us from getting a good night’s rest. What’s interesting about this is what it shows us about our relationship to/with our mind. That we are essentially existing as victims to our minds, as our minds are racing and not letting us sleep properly, and we can’t apparently simply stop our mind from racing so that we can sleep effectively. How is it that we don’t even question the fact that we have so little directive control of our minds, yet our minds practically drive who we are in each and every moment. How is it that we’ve become so separated from that mechanism which we essentially allow to make all our decisions for us, and determine how we experience ourselves from one moment to the next, that things have gotten so out of hand that now our minds run amok to the point that our physical body and thus our daily living is compromised? And this sleep issue, is just one case where our separation from our minds is ruining our lives.

It’s actually taken completely for granted that we really have no power/say when it comes to the mind, as that’s how we’ve existed for so long, in this relationship of a victim of the mind, not able to actually direct the mind, basically at its whim, and like one of the suggestions in the article, is to take time to ‘allow the mind to wander’, as if this is really as far as we can go in working with the mind to come to some sort of solution, hopefully.

‘Too much exposure to electronics’ is pointed to as the cause, that there is so much information coming into our minds, in this age of electronics, that it’s like an information overload. And yet, what’s missed in this? How do we not have any say in how our mind handles information? And what is not looked at/investigated is what is our actual participation in our mind, while we go about our day, whether it’s while working, while using electronic devices, or laying in our bed getting ready to go to sleep. In the article there’s the suggestion to have a ‘black out’ time where you literally turn of all your electronic devices at a certain time of night and don’t turn them back on until morning. Yet this is rather limiting, what if we could use electronics non-stop all day and have no problem? We’re quick to find physical things that are the reason/excuse/justification for what we experience, yet usually fail to consider our own participation, and what we are actually creating ourselves. What hasn’t been considered is our mind-participation that is going on, meaning, what is taking place in our minds as thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions, toward that which we face in each moment of our daily living. What kind of experiences are we experiencing within ourselves as a result of our participation in the mind? And is any of that necessary or beneficial to us? Or is it getting in the way of living, as this epidemic of sleep issues indicates?

What this shows is that it is really time for us to get to know ourselves as our minds, so that we can establish self-direction and self-will to no longer be subject to the mind, that is compromising our daily living and ability to function in reality, before it gets any worse, as the longer we wait, the more ‘out of hand’ it gets, as this ‘sleep epidemic’ shows.

For an in-depth look at how the Mind functions/operates listen to the Quantum Mind Interview Series on Eqafe starting with Step 1: Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 1

At Desteni, we’ve been investigating the mind for many years to get to know how it operates, and have designed courses – the Desteni I Process Pro & the New Free DIP Lite course – for the purpose of walking an individual through a personal process of getting to know one’s own mind – in order to be able to direct oneself and one’s mind, and so one’s life/living, to no longer be a victim of one’s mind.

For perspectives and to ask questions and get answers from those who have been walking the process of getting to know/understand the mind for years now visit the Desteni Forum.

For fascinating perspectives on why it is we can’t sleep with a racing mind when our body is tired, and our relationship to the mind and our physical human body, listen to this interview also available on Eqafe: My Mind won’t Let me SLEEP – Life Review.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see that who I am has been controlled by words, that for all the grandiosity of the mind according to my judgement, ultimately my experience of myself as personalities has been like a scrap book of one-liners, all energized by me and strung together, and that I have been reacting to these words, according to the energies that I have accepted and allowed myself to place in them, believing the experience of these reactions to be the totality of me, rather than seeing and realizing and understanding that these are programs that I have made as definitions of myself as energy within and left to run on automatic for me and as me by my own consent and by my own design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a resistance towards the purification of these words that I have accepted and allowed myself to energize as definitions of who I am, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a fear of loss of positive experience of myself as energy within which I have accepted and allowed myself to make of it a positive experience of myself in having a definition of who I am, because the personality that I have accepted and allowed has come out of a fear that I have accepted and allowed as real, of the experience of myself through my own judgement, the consequence of having no understanding or sense of who or what I am. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of myself within being lost in instability within my mind in separation from myself with my own breath as stability with the physical, and through that fear, to grasp for definitions of myself and find a kind of structure in my mind to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or realize or understand that rather than experiencing myself with breath and as equality and oneness as the physical of actual life that I have chosen instead to have been experiencing myself as a data base of selected words as personalized energy experiences within and as a story of myself within my mind. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to make an exit from my story.

I commit myself to purify these words that I have lived that I have used not as tools for communication in equality and oneness but instead as tags and references and definitions of who I am as energy experience, and I commit myself to purify this energy experience as the characters that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as, in which I have believed myself to live.

I forgive my self that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as the word solitude as an experience of who I am and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am as an experience of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as ‘solitude’, glorify who I am as ‘alone’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become energized as a personality within and as a picture of myself as separated from all beings of the world and for not allowing myself to see and realize this to be an image of myself as absolute self interest.

Next post: The relationship between solitude and alone.

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Changing the Character of the World

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

Solitude, an experience of character formation.

Another period of vital time passes by while I scribble down as many fragments of realization that come to the surface as I can. This process is like a kind of grasping at different dimensions from out of the waters of my mind and just landing them onto the physical of the paper as they come, before they slip back in, so loads of scribbled notes, but now I start typing, and I have got to a point of organization where I can start to set this out.

This is a continuation of previous posts.

I have realized that the, my customized version of the, ‘I don’t Care’ character that stands as a justification of postponement of effort towards self realization, is also a massive system of blame ultimately and a character that evolves out of ‘aloneness’, I start this aspect of my walk through consciousness in looking at a memory from when I was about 14, when I discovered a solution to the negative experience of myself within and as ‘alone’.

Memory: I am alone, walking through a school study room, an attic room that had been filled with desks. It had been abandoned suddenly for some reason, littered with open books and school bags. I notice the diary of one of the boys, and I am curious to see what has been written. My eyes focus on a single line… ‘I saw Closs (this might well have read ‘Clo’ which was a nickname that I had been labelled with by this time, and my experience within that will be the subject of a different post, even though it might be and probably is absolutely relevant right now, it is a whole other dimension like many that I have not walked so far…so )… ‘I saw Closs in his usual solitude, sitting on the sea wall…’

Solitude. Here I had come across a private perception of me as written down in someone’s diary. It seemed more valid because of this, because it had not been expressed directly in my presence, and so influenced by me, but simply written down as a private observation of another being. This experience of reading these words was like a realization of ‘me’, suddenly believing that I was seeing an actual reflection of myself, the word ‘solitude’ became energized within me.

And while I read, absorbed and integrated this line of writing into me, I summoned up a picture of myself where I had been on that day, and I was imagining myself as seen from a distance, sitting on the sea wall, with the sweep of the sea bay and the sea and sky in front of me.

Here I was acting in a belief that if I could take a peek into someone’s mind, about how they saw me, then I would get a realistic estimation of what I was, and it was a belief that arose from out of my total instability and loss of touch of an awareness of my own reality, through my acceptance and allowance as real of my savage judgements of myself, through which I had come to hide away myself from me.

So, about the boy who’s diary this was, who’s observations had apparently such authority; he was a boy that I saw and admired as having great stability, (and interestingly to me, a boy who talked about his father in glowing terms, in stories of a father who ‘could do anything’. This was important to me, and this boy’s father seemed to stand behind him in my eyes as an aspect of this stability that I admired.) I saw this boy as someone who could be relied upon to express some common sense, he had an impartiality about him that I admired. So all of this gave his secret writing in his diary, in my mind, authority.

The physical reality was that I was looking at the record of having been observed alone, and that it had been noted that this was my ‘usual’ state. But the word ‘solitude’ sort of highlighted and underlined within my mind as representing so much more than the simplicity of the facts. This was because the word ‘solitude’ seemed like an opportunity to both justify and validate my aloneness as the way I was.

Subtexts of other energy charged words in relationship to the word solitude as this main energy experience seemed to be almost immediately in place; first of all the word had ‘soul’ in it, like a soul in the context of (only me in) existence, the word itself had ancient lineage, and grandeur, far superior to its actual meaning of ‘alone’, it had thus nobility, and a sort of ‘moral’ superiority, and a smack of elitist blood-line, and there was a dimension of poetry to it, an added aesthetic quality.

All in all this word solitude seemed to offer an entire off-the-peg outfit for a character formation, offering a complete definition as an energetic system, as a possibility of a way to ‘live’. Well not complete, it would become the positive solution to the negative experience of myself, maybe one could say, the underwear, as the negative ‘alone’ character as a confused experience of myself as a ‘reject’, ‘inferior’, ‘not good enough’, a ‘liar’. Some of this I have walked already, and more of this I will walk in posts to come. But for now, to note that ‘solitude’ seemed to offer a solution to an experience of myself that I believed and trusted to be unchangeable as ‘who I am’. And also that it was this confused experience of me that was stumbling around in search of definition and evidence of my reality in the outside world, that formed an aspect of my curiosity to go snooping into someone’s diary. It’s interesting that this origin of character creation through the word solitude should be later tucked away ‘safely’ in secrecy beneath a fold of judgement of myself as an ‘eaves-dropper’.

Rather than seeing, realizing and understanding that this whole experience of myself had been created by me through my own self judgement and therefore could also be changed by me, I had become lost within believing this experience to be ‘real’ and therefore as a system of energy, I ‘welcomed’ greedily an upgrade or an evolution of this ‘alone’ character into a domain of positive energy experience of myself as ‘special’ or superior by means of using this tool of the word ‘solitude’. So in total self-interest and without reference to the actual physical world, I was choosing to modify and upgrade this illusion of myself that I had accepted and allowed as real.

These are some of the circumstances surrounding this event in my life as recorded in this memory.

Self Forgiveness on these points, and further into it  next post…

NEW

the FREE DIP LITE Course now available to All  – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Changing the Character of the World

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com