I feel useless, really. At work, there’s not much to do other than think about how useless I am. At home, I get into fights at the drop of a hat. Yesterday, I fought rather violently in the verbal sense of the term with Mother Dearest and Father Dearest. Mother accused me of not doing much in the house and that blew my cool. I yelled at her saying she had no idea how difficult it was to travel to Andheri and back and be humiliated everyday with the kind of talk I have to bear during lunchtime.

Father of course avoids confrontation. So, he began to make noises to get us to end the quarrel. I lashed out at him in the bargain. I reminded him and Mother of the times he would come home and raise his voice just because his boss had yelled at him. That time, I said, no one said anything to him.

“Everyone says they’re frustrated here,” I said, my decibel-limit rising with each syllable, “Fact of the matter is I am the most frustrated man in this house!” And I slammed the door of my bedroom shut.

(also written in my fb notes)

#

D’you recognize this typical quarrel mom?..between u&me.
Quarrels we’ve been having since I could remember.

Dad once said to me..it’s all because of our same personality, mom.
Definitely, your blood’s in mine though we don’t have same bloodtype.

A psychological article mentioned that It’s because you’re the closest person on earth to me, mom.
So I could come out my feeling easily to you, even the worst.

Whatever it is mom, d’you ever known..every words I said that hurt you, are hurt me back at the same time.
& the fact that u always have forgiven me before I do, makes my tears nothing.

I might asking to much mom, by not resembling the life u chose.
But if only u could, for one moment, seeing w/ my glasses, u might not hate the things I like..then u might understand why I love those.

I am tired mom, I really am. I’m sorry for not able to make u happy..someday I wish I could.
I love u mom.

When you are involved in a dispute with someone else, it may be the only time doing nothing is better than doing something. There’s a practical reason for this: When you quarrel with others even if you win the argument you place a great deal of unnecessary stress upon yourself.

It is impossible to maintain a Positive Mental Attitude when you allow negative emotions such as anger or hate to dominate your thoughts. No one can upset you or make you angry unless  you allow them to do so.

Instead of arguing with others, try asking non threatening questions such as: “Why do you feel this way? What have I done to make you angry? What can I do to help?” You may find that the entire situation has resulted from a simple misunderstanding that can be quickly rectified. Even if problems are more serious, your positive behaviour, flexibility and ability to compromise will go a long way toward helping resolve them.

Om SathGuru Sri Seshadri Swamigal Thiruvadikkae

Sage Vyasa once said:

“The holy men of Naimisaranya asked Suta, “Please tell us about the greatness of Arunachala. Suta described the glory of Arunachala. Sanaka asked the same question to Brahma. I shall repeat what Brahma narrated to Sanaka.”

The sins of those who listen with faith to this narrative will be destroyed.

“Sitting on the lotus, Brahma meditated on Sambhu (another name of Lord Shiva) and was immersed in bliss. In this state he had a vision of Shiva as HE had formerly revealed HIMSELF as a Column of Light. Brahma emerged from HIS trance and noticed Kumara Sanaka standing in a worshipful attitude.”

You have made me remember the ancient yoga of Shiva. Now I shall describe how Shiva, the Ocean of Grace, manifested as Arunachala, the Light of Consciousness.

“From the supreme Effulgence (which is the Eternal Shiva), Vishnu and I were born in accordance with HIS desire both of us manifested spontaneously. Once out of egoism, we engaged in an argument and started a fight.

Seeing the terrible rage into which we had fallen while quarreling, the Lord reflected:

“Why should there be destructive fight between these two, as to who is greater? If I do not reveal MYSELF immediately to both and stop their fight, the world will cease to exist. Each creature consider itself superior to every other creature. The ignorant that can’t realize and concede equality or superiority of another must necessarily suffer defeat an fall. I shall reveal MYSELF in a definite form somewhere in the world so those even a mean human being can attain ME the moment he thinks of ME (Lord Shiva).”

Having so decided, the Eternal Shiva manifested HIMSELF as a column of fire before us. There arouse a voice in the air: Children, why do you fight? The form of Sambhu has now appeared before you as a Column of Effulgence. He who finds out the beginning or his end of it is the greater of that two.

To discover the limits of Sambhu in the shape of beginning less and endless Column of Fire, one of us decided to trace the beginning and other the end. For this purpose Vishnu in the form of a huge boar began to dig the earth vigorously to find the lower end. I took the shape of a swan and soared swiftly to find its summit. Vishnu bored in the earth and went beyond, but found that the Column of fire went still lower.

Even after seeking for millions of years it was not possible to find out the source of that beginning less Column of fire. Vishnu was weary and tired and HE was forced to return. Vishnu praised Shiva and meditated upon HIM, and by the grace of the Lord, He regained the surface of the earth.

The splendid Effulgence of Shiva in the form of a Linga of Light rose higher and higher.

Siddhas who found ME trying to reach the immeasurable top of the Supreme Effulgence and exclaimed: HE is still putting forth HIS efforts even when the body is about to fall, the ego does not fade away. Even though His wings are broken and weary and HIS eyes dim, HE is bound by the vain delusion that HE can discover the limits of the limitless Effulgence.

Vishnu who became similarly despondent, regained good sense by Shiva’s spontaneous Grace, and retraced HIS steps.

If a finite desire to realize the Effulgence that which is the origin of Brahma and the Devas, he should within himself and meditate on Shiva, the Supreme Self, who will give him knowledge so that his ego will vanish.

On hearing these kind words I became humble and began to reflect thus: My salutations to the Siddhas who have fixed their minds upon Shiva. I shall turn MY minds inwards and realize this Effulgence of Shiva which appears in front of ME.

Even the great Vedic Mantras do not throw light on HIS reality. He who worships the Eternal Shiva, who is the Lord worshipped by the Devas as this Column of Light of Consciousness, realize Shiva, and serves as boat to cross the ocean of samsara.

Shiva HIMSELF stands as the ARUNA HILL in order to grant the devotee the fruits of HIS penance, that the HILL destroys all sins and that one obtain Liberation by merely uttering ‘ARUNACHALA’ once. Knowledge of Shiva can be attained only through Shiva’s Grace, not through the Vedas, nor austerities, nor dips in holy waters.”

]]> http://lakeoconeechurch.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/differences-part-iv/ Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:23:35 +0000 lakeoconeechurch http://lakeoconeechurch.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/differences-part-iv/

Bobby Wood, Lake Oconee church of Christ

We have pointed out that conflicts will and do happen, now here is the concern: how do we deal with differences? Conflicts must be addressed in a way that will be productive.

One of the best ways to resolve differences is what Jesus said to do in Matthew five, “You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matthew 5:43-45). This point is hard to practice, but the results are positive. John S. Savage wrote that there are “three ways by which we can love our enemies:”

~ First, we must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. Such forgiveness doesn’t mean that we ignore the wrong committed against us. Rather, it means that we will no longer allow the wrong to be a barrier to the relationship. Forgiveness, according to King, “is a catalyst creating the atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning.”
~ Second, we must recognize that the wrong we’ve suffered doesn’t entirely represent the other person’s identity. We need to acknowledge that our opponent, like each one of us, possesses both bad and good qualities. We must choose to find the good and focus on it.
~ Third, we must not seek to defeat or humiliate our opponent, but to win his or her friendship and understanding. Such an attitude flows not from ourselves, but from God as his unconditional love works through us.

As followers of Christ who seek to lead as He led, we must remember that the more freely we forgive, the more clearly we reveal the nature of our heavenly Father.

Another principle for solving differences is to discuss the issue that caused the problem. Most conflicts are never resolved because those involved in the problem will not stay with the issue. When one of the opponents is bringing up every kind of issue, then nothing can be solved. It is critical that one issue is addressed at a time and stay with it until a resolution has been met.

Kenneth C. Newberger made the following points:

~ The focus of the conversation changes from what should be done and what is the best solution, to a debate of who is right and who is wrong.
~ Frustration sets in because the attempt to achieve one’s goals is undermined by another.
~ Parties may become more cautious in dealing with each other.

The dispute can still be constructive if the parties make a greater effort to see the other person’s point of view.

On the other hand, if the matter is not resolved, the situation can easily deteriorate into destructive conflict. Another problem can arise when addressing difference is attacking the person instead of the problem that can cause the conflict to exacerbate. Notice the list that can cause the problem to get worse:

Name calling just adds fuel to the fire
Cursing
Bring up old issues
Throwing things and breaking items
Belittling the other person
Shouting at the other person

The best way to avoid serious conflicts is admit when you are wrong and apologize. Someone said we need to think twice before we speak. The older I get, the better that point sounds.

Bobby Wood, Lake Oconee church of Christ

In our last lesson, we started with some thoughts to help overcome differences. We pointed out:

First step: Go to the person alone and tell him/her the fault.
Second step: If the person refuses to listen, and then take one or two witnesses.
Third step: If he/she refuses the second step, then take it to the church and tell the church what this person has done.

This author has found that when one goes to the person alone, usually the differences can and will be resolved.  What often happens instead is we go to other people instead of the person involved and things get really blown out of proportion.

Jesus also said, “Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer and you be thrown into prison.^26 Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny (Matthew 5:25, 26). Waiting too long to correct a wrong usually leads to more problems.  One author (unknown) said:

“Jesus tells us to first go to the person one-on-one. Second, go to the person quickly. Jesus counseled that, if someone is worshiping God and remembers that he or she has offended a friend, the appropriate response is to stop right there and go immediately to the offended individual. With those words Jesus made it clear that correct interpersonal relationships are more important than correct ritual.

Are we saying our worship is not important?  No! We are saying that before we can properly worship God, our relationship must be right with others; then we can worship God in the right attitude. John S. Savage is president of L.E.A.D. Consultants made the following comment that is worth our consideration:

Jesus is not asking us to do anything he hasn’t modeled for us. He gave up heaven to come down to earth, become a servant and die to repair our broken relationship with the Father. In Jesus Christ, God takes the initiative. When we come to see how important people are to God, we will value the community Christ’s death makes possible. We will value it enough to take the initiative in resolving relational breakdowns. Effective leaders don’t ignore conflict. They manage it by creating an environment in which people are enabled to work through relational friction on a one-on-one basis. Only after such efforts have failed are others allowed to enter the conflict, and then only for the purpose of bringing about reconciliation. Conflicts can’t be avoided, but they can be managed. And a wise leader will devote himself or herself to learning how to do just that.

 What value do we place on interpersonal relationships?  Are our relationships important enough to us to mend anything that is causing harm? Jesus is clear that conflicts can be resolved when the differences are addressed quickly.  The longer the wait to correct the problem the harder it is to correct it.   

Another problem that one must address when correcting differences is the ability to listen. Conflicts raise the emotions so high that reason is often left out of the correcting process. Most of the time there is an explanation, but most of us have our minds made up before we get to the person. It is possible for a person to be wrong and express sorrow for the wrong and we fail to hear the regret because our emotions are in control of the situation.  Brother admonish us to, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19 (ESV).  When conflicts arise, this passage is often ignored.  

(Continued)

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.

He forces himself to open his  eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of  water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front  of him, all clean and pressed.

He looks  around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless,clean.  So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. “Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!”

Totally shocked with a note. He goes  to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, “Son, what  happened last night?”

His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the  door”.

Confused, the man asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big  quarrel with her!”

His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, You said: “LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M  MARRIED!”

Moral:
Self-induced hangover – $ 400.00
Broken crockery – $ 800.00
Breakfast – $  10.00

Saying the Right Thing While Drunk - ”PRICELESS”

 Sometimes it is better to be sane and peaceful than to be right.

- Sanpixee (Follow me on Twitter)

Don't make me pull this plane over...

Well I guess the old phrase “Let’s take this outside” can’t really apply to this story where pilots and crew brawled mid-flight in Mumbai. The scuffle began when one of the crew members accused one of the pilots of sexual harassment and instead of thinking “we’re in flight with 106 passengers onboard” they thought it would be good idea to throw an all out free-for-all in the cabin. A representative of the airline was quoted as saying:

“At no stage was safety compromised. It was a clear case of indiscipline”

I mean really, do you actually think an airline would ever tell the truth like, “The plane was in jeopardy the whole time the pilots were PUNCHING the crew in the FACE, and we are really surprised the plane did not go down..” How about NO!!!

SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEE!!!

-GRIZZ
Read the full article at: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33175707/ns/travel-news/?GT1=43001

Buying a house.  It seems such a simple thing to do. But who on Earth knew it would turn into the most complicated processes to affect my life and give me headaches into the bargain.

I – rather we, that is my family – have been searching for a flat for ther past 8 years! And not even one deal has materialized. “Why?” you ask?

Well, we would have settled in Borivali but:

“Oh please those relatives! As it is they eat our head even when they are this far! Imagine what will happen if they are become our neighbours! We will be made mincemeat of everyday!”

“But that place’s affordable you know.”

“Do whatever you want, we don’t want to shift there. One phone call is all it takes for them to make our lives horrible. And you want us to see them everyday?!”

So Borivali was thrown out of the window.

We would have settled in New Mumbai too but:

“So far! So far!”

“What so far! So far!? It’s just 45 minutes away from VT!”

“So far! So far!”

“It’s not far! It’s affordable you know. It’s cheap and I am getting a good deal.”

“Somehow I feel that place is so LS (Low Society)!”

“LS!”

“Yes! I mean: We stay in South Mumbai and now, to go there?!”

“You stay in a chawl in South Mumbai!”

“Shh! No one needs to know that! Rather, you need not tell anyone that!”

“But look at the place! It’s so small here and we fight everyday!”

“Yes that’s true, but New Mumbai? That gaon?! No baba!”

“It’s not a village! It has buses and trains and markets too.”

“So do villages!”

“It has an ATM! Plenty of ATMs.”

“Somehow that place you know is so not happening.”

“Well somehow I think you people’s heads you know just don’t happen to think!”

And so New Bombay was trashed as well.

I then laid my eyes on the Central suburbs then – Mulund, Bhandup but:

“What! Those suburbs?”

“Yes? What’s wrong with them?”

“Why do you always want to go stay in gaons!?”

“Excuse me, it’s not a gaon and besides those ‘gaons’ are the only places I can buy!”

“But try to understand. It’s so far! And God alone knows what kind of people live there!”

“If I am not mistaken you know them too. Some work in your office, don’t they?”

“Yes yes idiot! You know what I am trying to say. Don’t try to act smart.”

And so the Central suburbs got shot down as well. Well, now the problem is: of all the places, I still can afford only the Central suburbs. All this while when we thought we could afford town and places nearby, we were busy trying to convince Father that he must help us monetarily with our intention. But no, Father was all convinced about Borivali.

After Borivali was turned down, Father turned up his resentment against any other venue. He said no to Bhandup, he snickered at Chembur, said “Go find out.” for Vashi, and promptly backed out when I did go find out. Infact, one not so fine a day, when a quarrel erupted, he accused us all of having a one-track mind – all because we had silently or otherwise said no to his decision to move close to his relatives.

Anyway, now, in 2009, I at least have realized there is no such thing as consensus when it comes to buying a house. You just have to plunge in, buy the house, and announce that you have bought one. What happens next is none of your business. After all, what happened before was not your business. It was theirs – Father’s especially. He messed it up – it’s not your business.

So if he or Mother or Sister Dearest don’t like what you buy, or feel you should have waited (till eternity, perhaps) for the prices to come down, it’s really none of your business.

You have got the business done as far as you are concerned. And that is what really matters. The rest can either go to hell or grudgingly stay with you.

I have no quarrel with TIME magazine devoting a cover to Glenn Beck — so long as the accompanying story sticks to hard facts and harsh truths.

The new issue sadly fails to do so in an apparent effort to woo the right wing with a ludicrously “balanced” treatment of equally dangerous and wacko ranting from left & right.

Source:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/greg-mitchell/time-cover-on-beck-mutila_b_289890.html

Super Junior member Kangin has been involved in a brawl on the morning of the 16th, and has been brought to the police station in Seoul, Gangnam, for further questioning.

According to the officer in charge, Kangin and a friend were involved in a quarrel that escalated into a fistfight at around 3 AM on the morning of the 16th, in a bar. Because investigations are still ongoing, the details of the entire case can only be released later on today, during the press conference that will be held at 10 AM.

SME has stepped out to say that although Kangin was present at the scene, he was not in any way involved in the brawl, and was only brought back for questioning as a witness. It is further emphasized that Kangin did not start the fight and neither was he part of it, he was only questioned because he was an artiste and so he is a victim of this whole incident as well.

The details of the entire case will be announced during the press conference today.

SJ member Kangin involved in brawl; SME claims that he is a victim
Source: korea.sohu
Translated by: hazel @ http://asianfanatics.net
Please take out with full credits

i wonder how my mother think. she is now throwing one of her bitch fit again. i really want to know how her mind works, how she think. i really don’t like it here at all. if im 21 years old now, i would have left home, i promise. i don’t see why i am such a bad daughter. i sms her to see if she is alright, i call her daily to see if she is alright although i always see her at home. i buy food back for her almost everytime. i give her money when im just a student. wtf does she want from me? i hate it when her temper just blow up like that. she isn’t in a good mood today because brother spent away all his pay. it sucks when she scream at me like NO ONE ELSE BUSINESS when i didn’t off my bedroom light. she touched on my clothes, how many clothes i have, and how much time i always spend doing my hair. i retorted back, ” did i ask u for money to buy my clothes? are you not a girl? don’t u even know how a girl would always want to look her best? i thought you were once a girl, apparently not. then it is one of those drama saga screaming session. she compare me to me and my brother, saying how nice and good he is. YAH HE IS THE BEST. because he go to a JC, while im in a damn poly. ask him to accompany u to polyclinic, grocery shopping, interview and stay at home to accompany you lah! each time i see my mom’s number calling me on my hp, i feel scared and don’t dare to pick up. im sick and tired of her. just. leave me alone.

im really tired. of handling my own mom. i wish someone would be there to listen to me whine, but who is there? who will understand anyway.. when things like this happen, i can only come to my blog to vent my anger and frustration. im sad.

Feuding is nonsense – often more a test of endurance and hurting someone else rather than proving a point/making self feel better. Even when a feud is over, the time and effort it takes to repair a damaged relationship may not be enough to make it as strong as it once was. My apology to one of my oldest, dearest, most loyal and most supportive friends – I should have dealt with it sooner.

- Sanpixee (Follow me on Twitter)

 

It is never progressive to allow negative feelings to fester… simply ignoring or distracting oneself from them is not the same as dealing with the negative.

Sometimes I notice myself being irritated when I’m communicating with others. Up until recently I thought that was because I was tired or the topic wasn’t interesting enough. At times I even thought – Maybe I don’t like this person any more.

While this might be true I’ve found that there is one thing that affects me more than any of the above. Namely the nature of the communication. If it’s to pushy I loose interest at best. At worst I get defensive and the other part will usually go defensive as well.

A model

A few months ago I stumbled over a model I’d like to share with you. It describes the nature of (spoken) communication and gives me a pretty good orientation, or at least a hint of where and how the communication is going.

Picture a ladder or an axis, which gets more intense the farther you get to the right. It has five steps and looks like this:

Dialogue -> Conversation -> Discussion -> Argumentation -> Quarrel

You might want to go even further, to the right, and I guess the next stage after a quarrel would be fighting. I don’t count that as communication so I stop at Quarrel.

I want to give you a basic idea of how I experience each stage and what I think characterizes them. I’ll start at the far right and work my way to the left. Sort of ending up where I like my communication to happen.

Quarrel

As said, not very far from getting physical but still verbal. If I picture it in my head it could be a couple on the verge of separation standing in a kitchen and reaching for something to throw while accusing each other of different things. It could also be an upset customer who aren’t very pleased with a product, that has returned for a refund but the supplier says the warranty has been voided.

Argumentation

This is still really intense. Each part in the communication is trying to convince the other part that their view is the correct one. The words can be soft and the tone could also be very gentle, but the intention is still to convince the other part.

Discussion

This is middle ground. Not a quarrel but you’re not really open for another persons perspective either. Sentences like: ‘That’s not how I look at it …’ or ‘Oh yeah, how about the time when you …’, is pretty common. I wouldn’t describe this type of communication as very productive. Not in the long run at least. At best you can determine where a person draws the line but not really gain any deeper understanding.

Conversation

Lunch chit-chat about nothing and everything. You aren’t really really giving the other person your full attention and a comment like: ‘Are you listening … ?’ might appear in this context. This is also the typical mode of exchanging information. A few ‘Can you clarify … ‘ might be tossed in and appear in the conversation. But each part is still spending more time preparing an answer than really trying to understand.

Dialogue

This involves a lot of listening. Here you focus on understanding the other person, before even opening your mouth. You aren’t preparing an answer, the answers and opinions are pulled out of you.

If you give your other communication parties this much attention and really put your hear to it, amazing things will happen to your relationship. Engaging in dialogue is exhausting and requires a lot patience. But with some training anyone can do it.

Summing it up

The farther you go to the left, the more pull oriented the conversation is. The content isn’t key, neither is the tone really. Even though the tone of the communication degrades pretty fast as you move to the right. No, the key thing here is that information is being pulled rather that pushed. As you go left, it gets more pull oriented. Going to the right, more pushy.

What’s important to remember here is the nature of the communication, not it’s content, and how you or the other involved parties react to different natures of communication. What you are trying to communicate and the context also matters.

Oh and one final word. This is a model of the reality, this is not the reality itself.

I’ll start off by saying that I personally would consider myself Calvinist (I am not a cessationist though). I think it is often misunderstood. Here is a great article on it: http://www.jesussaidfollowme.org/calvinismarminianism.htm

Here is an article on Hyper-Calvinism which is very dangerous and I think is what people often mistake Calvinism for (written by the same author): http://www.jesussaidfollowme.org/hypercalvinism.htm

However, that is not the point of this article. I am writing this to explain why both Calvinists and Arminians should be able to fellowship with one another and be united as one. I believe both are part of the Body of Christ.

Who is our leader? Jesus is supposed to be our leader. And yet we’ve exalted men as our ultimate leaders and claimed that anyone who denies what a man has taught is not of God. However, what is really happening is that they are not of that man you look to as your leader. This problem has arose in the Church before in Corinth. In 1 Corinthian 1:10-17, Paul states to the Church:

¹⁰ I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought. ¹¹ My brothers and sisters, some from Chloe’s household have informed me that there are quarrels among you. 12 What I mean is this: One of you says, “I follow Paul”; another, “I follow Apollos”; another, “I follow Cephas ”; still another, “I follow Christ.” My brothers and sisters, some from Chloe’s household have informed me that there are quarrels among you.

¹³ Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized into the name of Paul? ¹⁴ I thank God that I did not baptize any of you except Crispus and Gaius, ¹⁵ so no one can say that you were baptized into my name. ¹⁶ (Yes, I also baptized the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I don’t remember if I baptized anyone else.) ¹⁷ For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel—not with wisdom and eloquence, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

The people were divided among their leaders. This is not of God. Christ is our leader.

2 Timothy 2:23-24:
²³ Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. ²⁴ And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.

It is all a very stupid thing to argue about. Whether we agree whether or not the reason we are brought to salvation and in what way, it does not change the fact that we are saved. Both sides believe that all must be born again (regeneration), therefore this simply an argument of how we are saved but not of the very act of it. In that, I see no reason that it should cause division of the Church.

And to those that think of themselves better than the other or higher, even if you are, you have no right to judge those who do not have as much understanding as you. No where in scripture does it say you will be saved only if you understand every single thing in the word of God. In fact, I can confidently say that we will never fully understand everything of God because we are finite creatures and He is infinite. Let those of more knowledge and wisdom guide and lead the babes in Christ, not spend their days arguing with them. For you who spend your time arguing with them and dividing yourself from them are also babes in Christ because you do not understand that we are one body of believers serving one leader: Jesus.

1 Corinthians 3:1-9
¹ Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. ² I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. ³ You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere human beings? ⁴ For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings?

⁵ What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. ⁶ I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. ⁷ So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. ⁸ The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. ⁹ For we are God’s co-workers; you are God’s field, God’s building.

The divisive are warned:

Titus 3:9-11
⁹ But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. ¹⁰ Warn divisive people once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. ¹¹ You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.

Also read Romans 14.

There is much unneeded division over this issue and I am against it.

我记得第一次在海口，跟一群朋友坐下来，在吃饭的过程中，我了解到同桌的四位女性，三个已经离婚了。还有一个，孩子才一岁多，正准备离婚。看到这样的情景，我实在不忍心再看到一个孩子，因为他父母离异而造成他人生的遗憾。所以，我就找机会要谈谈夫妻相处的话题，希望能把那位女士要离婚的念头扭转过来。

我们边吃边谈，我话锋一转说：“夫妻相处只要守住一句箴言，保证夫妻白头偕老。”结果这个女士眼睛立刻瞪得很大，耳朵都竖起来，静静听我讲。我说：“从结婚到老，只看对方的优点，不看对方的缺点。”我讲完以后，这位女士眉头紧锁，说了一句话：“蔡老师，好难！”难不难？欣赏别人，欣赏太太、或者欣赏先生，如此之难吗？

有一次我在珠海演讲，我刚讲完“只看对方的优点”。一位太太就说：“蔡老师，他没有优点！”我接着跟那位女士说：“我真是佩服你，你先生没有优点，你还敢嫁给他！”所以，人都很健忘，情绪用事。

我记得有一次是对小孩上课，有些家长陪同一起听。有一位孩子坐在中间，他的爸爸跟妈妈坐在两旁。我就提到，我们一个善的念头，可以让水结晶得很漂亮。你跟它说：“我很感谢你，我很爱你”，水结晶就变得很漂亮。假如你说：“我很讨厌你，我非常恨你”，水结晶就很丑陋。后来我们有用苹果来做实验，一颗苹果放在前门，一颗苹果放在后门，前门都是称赞这个苹果，后门就是骂那颗苹果。一个星期下来，结果前面那个苹果比较光滑，后面那个苹果已经有几条皱纹。

还用白米饭来做实验。放三碗白米饭，第一碗是称赞它：“就是因为有你，让我们身体得到营养。”第二碗是骂它：“你怎么这么难吃！”第三碗是不理它，不跟它讲话。一个星期下来，第一碗饭有点发酵了，香香的；第二碗饭发臭了，黑黑的；第三碗也发臭，而且比第二碗还臭。为什么？冷漠，谁都不理它。
我讲到这里，那个孩子的父母坐在两旁，先生就看看太太，手还伸过去拍拍他太太的肩膀，然后看着她。我虽然不知道他讲什么，但我从他的眼睛了解到，他说：“你看，老师在讲你。”我在讲台上替他捏了一把冷汗，我就看他太太回过头来狠狠地瞪了他一眼。我在想，这个男人实在不敏感，少一根筋，他都没有去体会为什么太太跟他冷战？我在想，一定是太太为他付出太多了，他连一声肯定称赞的话都没有，所以太太才常常生闷气，闷久了就愈来愈严重。

所以，男士要记住一句话：“好话一句，做牛做马都愿意。”要多肯定太太，吃饭的时候一定要说：“这个菜怎么做得这么好吃！这个饭怎么做得这么香！”你太太说不定会说：“我再去给你煮一样。”假如你都快吃饱了，最后说了一句：“怎么这么难吃！”你太太可能会给你罢工三天。所以，处处肯定对方的付出，非常重要。

《文章取自–“小故事大智慧” 由大德蔡礼旭老师讲述》

I read this story this morning in a devotion I’m reading:

Two men moved  to the desert to devote themselves to holy living and prayer.  Although they lived in the same hut, they never had the slightest disagreement.

One hermit said to the other, “Let us have just one quarrel the way other men do.”  The second answered, “But I don’t know how one starts a quarrel.”  The first replied, “Look, I’ll set a tile between us and say, ‘That is mine,’ and you say, ‘It’s mine,’ and in this way trouble and contention will arise between us.”  They agreed to do this.  They set the tile between them, and the first holy man said, “It’s mine.”  The second replied, “I hope it’s mine.”  To which the first responded, “If it’s yours, take it.”  After that, they could find no other way to quarrel.

I laughed when I read this today.  All of us have fights, arguments and conflict…choose your synonym.  As I read this, I thought of 1 Peter 2:1, which tells us how to avoid the conflicts in life.  We must rid ourselves of our character defects.  We can only do this, however, through the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Be strong in our Lord Jesus Christ today, and give him the chisel to work on you!





Small boys fight.

Big boys kill.

Average men quarrel.

Real men listen.