I got to finally watch (and give a chance to) G.I. Joe – The Rise of Cobra. Everything from casting, scripting, screenwriting, CGI and most of all, directing, were extremely disappointing. I’m guessing their target audience is similar to viewers and fans of the Transformers movies, yet they seem like a 99 cent knock-off of their genre. It was an insult of my intelligence to watch this movie. I’m glad I didn’t watch this in theatres. Choosing the same director as The Mummy series, Stephen Sommers, proved to be ill-fated and really set to mood to be cheesy while trying to be too serious.

Of it all, however, I liked Sienna Miller (I almost forgot it was her, but where’s her British accent!) and Rachel Nichols (one hot redhead).

Skip it.. unless you’re 7 years old and can’t tell what’s a good movie or not.

The Inside is a tv series from 2005. It was canceled after 13 episodes. It is also, to no-one’s surprise, produced by Tim Minear and Jane Espenson. (Tim Minear is one of my absolute favorite show-runners. I want a network of shows by Tim Minear, John Rogers, Joss Whedon, Russell T. Davies, Steven Moffet, Jane Espenson, Laeta Kalogridis, and Ronald D. Moore. Thank you, television gods.)

So, it’s a Tim Minear show. It is deeply twisted and I love it dearly.

The gist is this: Peter Coyote plays FBI L.A. Violent Crimes Unit director Virgil Webster. For reasons never revealed before the show got canceled, he has free rein to run his domain the way he wants to. In the series premiere, one of his agents has died. Coyote’s character immediately hires a new agent, Rebecca Locke, played extremely well by Rachel Nichols. Locke has failed the FBI psych test, but was, unbeknownst to her, waived in by Virgil Webster. She applied for the profiling unit twice and was rejected. Why? Because at age ten, she was kidnapped by a man and held for eighteen months. She escaped on her own, and has never explained to ANYONE what happened, how she escaped, or what her captivity was like. Or . . . why she didn’t escape earlier. She is deeply emotionally screwed-up in an overcontrolled, tightly wound, brittle way.

The show revolves around Coyote’s manipulation of everyone on his team — he’s picked them all very deliberately, manipulating their strengths and weaknesses for his purpose. His purpose is to catch killers. But not mundane killers, no, those are too pedestrian for him. To catch the difficult or impossible killers. He’s just as obsessed as they are, and he has very few morals.

The relationship between Locke and her boss is one where they trust each other completely because they both agree that catching the killers is worth any damage they may take in the process. They both hold their lives to be tools in the service of something, not worthwhile ends in and of themselves. Locke is not suicidal, that’s not it — in fact, she’s got a hugely strong will to live. It’s more that she doesn’t register pain, fear, or discomfort in a normal way. And she’s willing to experience those things if it means she can save someone who was like her. If it means she can save herself by proxy. Because, as she says in the show, no-one helped her, no-one saved her — she had to save herself.

As Special Agent Melody Sims (adroitly and hilariously played by Katie Finneran) remarks in the last episode, Becca gets captured by the bad guys a lot. In fact, Sims points out that Special Agent Locke seems to move through the world as if life was simply something that happened to her between abductions. I deeply wish this show could have continued, for a whole host of reasons — why were Agents Sims and Love on the team? What was wrong with them that Wed wanted them? What was Web’s power over the FBI that gave him his free reign? Was Locke’s abductor really still alive? — and one of the chiefmost things I wanted to watch was Rebecca Locke’s slow development into a fully functional human being. Because her fellow agents are right to view her as a slightly freaky robot. The character is so utterly divorced from a normal spectrum of human emotional reactions, yet she clearly possesses those same emotions. And as her fantasy life reveals, she wants to be better at being a person. She’s just not sure how to do it, yet.

This show is not legally available in any damn format. I know, because I look for it every year. I WILL BUY IT AS SOON AS I CAN. But before you go investigating extra-legal means of acquisition, let me tell you of a few downsides to the show. The villains are a wee bit predictable. And while the team’s responses to them are a little unusual, it’s not unusual by the sixth time. I, personally, like the fact that the writers hang a lampshade on this by having the characters remark of Web and Locke’s predictability. But your mileage may vary. In addition, the dialog is pretty familiar-sounding to those who watch a lot of the Whedon-Espenson-Minear-Fury constellation.

I found these to be minor quibbles. The guest actors are great, the ensemble leads are wonderful — not a dead weight among them. And if stories of difficult roads out of darkness are your cup of tea, The Inside is well worth your time.

If you can manage to find a copy.

one of the quieter moments in the movie...

PG-13

Channing Tatum, Dennis Quaid, Sienna Miller, Marlon Wayans, Rachel Nichols, Christopher Eccleston

Duke: What about you?
Scarlett: He doesn’t speak.
Duke: Why?
Breaker: He doesn’t say.

A group of specially trained soldiers, with high tech weaponry at their disposal, attempt to recover a case of nano-technology warheads from the evil Cobra organization.  Lots of things explode in the process.

I suppose I knew what I was getting into when I sat down to watch this one, but I was hoping it would be more tolerable than it was.   I thought it would at least be fun to see the toys I played with as a kid on display.  Unfortunately, most of the machinery in the movie doesn’t resemble anything I had as a kid, plus it’s all so obviously computer animated that I may as well have been watching a cartoon.

The movie is simultaneously more and less realistic than it needs to be.  More realistic in the sense that they use more real jeeps, tanks, helicopters, and planes than they should – as opposed to the ones featured in the line of toys.  Less realistic in the sense that the other technology is so advanced that it almost seems like you’re watching Star Trek at times.  Plus, as I mentioned, there’s way too much computer animated stuff.  I felt like I had accidentally popped in an X-Men DVD by mistake.  Everybody jumps around like they’re superheros.

That stuff could probably be somewhat overlooked if it weren’t for the fact that the characters are just deadly dull.  Their story lines are unoriginal, the dialogue is stiff, and the acting is uninspired.  Basically, the movie was made so that they could slap the title G.I. JOE on it.

Way to go Hollywood, yet another blown opportunity to make an enjoyable movie out of a nice childhood memory.  Instead we’re stuck with one more hyper-edited, over-loud, heartless display of special effects.  Just what we all needed…

The G.I. Joe soldiers are apparently SO good and unbeatable that they’re only called in when the regular army fails.  ‘Cause, ya know, you wouldn’t want to use them from the get-go and preserve the lives of those other regular soldiers…

10 – 2.1 for boring characters and acting – 1 for not using enough of the toys in the movie – 1.2 for being overlong and over loud – 1 for too much computer animation = 4.7

O que esperar de um filme baseado na coleção de figuras de ação da Hasbro, os ‘bonequinhos’ do G. I. Joe? Explosões, gente bonita, e claro, te deixar com aquela vontade de entrar na primeira loja de brinquedos e comprar um bonequinho do Storm Shadow e outro do Snake Eyes assim que a sessão terminar!

Com direção de Stephen Sommers, que é conhecido por seus filmes que entretem sem compromisso, como Van Helsing e a trilogia A Múmia. Stephen brinca com o filme como se estivesse realizando seu sonho de criança. Os atores atiram, levam tiro, saltam, caem, brigam, beijam (beijos ridículos, só pra constar), e tem flashbacks. Vários. Sofridos. Na chuva, porque não tem como fugir do clichê.

O filme começa em um futuro não muito distante. O exército transporta uma nova arma com nanorobôs que destroem tudo o que é aço e só param quando são desativados por um controle remoto. O transporte segue bem até osCobra, um grupo de vilões com armas de tecnologia e treinamento superior ao do exército, atacarem o comboio atrás das tais armas. O capitão Duke, interpretado por Channing Tatum (que já foi stripper mas sem tirar a cueca, só pra deixar claro) e seu braço direito Ripcord, Marlon Wayans, que você provavelmente conhece pelas comédias Todo Mundo em Pânico, são salvos pelos G. I. Joe, uma divisão super secreta do exército internacional de inteligência, armas, tecnologia e treinamento tão avançados quanto os Cobra. É dado o ponta pé para várias reviravoltas, explosões e muita coisa acontecer ao mesmo tempo. Lógico que para haver uma, duas ou três continuações.

Com atores conhecidos, como Arnold Vosloo, interpretando o vilão camaleão Zartan e Brendan Fraser em uma participação muito rápida comoSargento Stone. Pois é, Imhotep e Richard O’Connell em lados opostos de novo! E claro,  Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (quero assistir uma entrevista com alguém dizendo o nome dele completo!) que os fãs de Lost conhecem como Mr Eko, interpretando Heavy Duty. Das gata-garotas temos a lindaSienna Miller, interpretando Ana, a baronesa. Sienna já deu vida a Victoria em Stardust. Rachel Nichols, é Scarlett, a nerd dos Joe. Rachel já atuou no seriado Alias, de J J Abrams. Será que isso pesou na escolha da atriz para a personagem?

G. I. Joe – The Rise of The Cobra (G.I. Joe – A Origem de Cobra) é uma rentável colcha de retalhos. Há diversos personagens que permitem diversas continuações tanto em grupo como histórias fechadas com um ou dos integrantes. Particularmente quero muito que façam um filme solo do Storm Shadow. Byung-hun Lee fez o personagem todo afetado, um verdadeiroElvis assassino from Japan!

DVD Top 10.
Bestsellerliste der Woche
von Illuminati bis State of Play

Illuminati:
Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) entdeckt Beweise, dass die mächtigste Untergrundbewegung der Geschichte, ein uralter konspirativer Geheimbund, den man als ‘Die Illuminati’ kennt, wiederauferstanden ist. Kurz darauf wird er damit konfrontiert, dass die katholische Kirche, der zutiefst verhasste Erzfeind der Illuminaten, einer tödlichen, existenzvernichtenden Bedrohung ausgesetzt ist…

Nachts im Museum 2:
Seine Tage als Museumswärter sind passé: Larry Daley ist als Erfinder nutzloser Dinge erfolgreich, kehrt jedoch ins Museum zurück, als er erfährt, dass die seinerzeit zu Leben erwachten Ausstellungsstücke in den Keller des Smithsonian in New York verfrachtet werden sollen. Ruhe ist allerdings auch dort nicht angesagt, weil auch die mystische Tafel von Akhmenrah, die den Exponaten Leben einhaucht, versehentlich zum neuen Ausstellungsort transportiert wurde. Nun bricht dort das Chaos aus, und Larry muss für Ordnung sorgen…

Slumdog Millionär:
Glauben Sie an das Schicksal? Für Jamal Malik (Dev Patel) ist es der größte Tag seines bisherigen Lebens. Nur noch eine Frage trennt ihn vom 20 Millionen Rupien-Hauptgewinn in Indiens TV- Show ‘Wer wird Millionär?’

Der Womanizer:
Der Junggeselle Connor Mead (Matthew McConaughey) gehört zu den Typen, die drei Freundinnen den Laufpass geben. Gleichzeitig. Per Telefonkonferenz. Auf der Hochzeitsfeier seines Bruders hat er also nur ein Ziel: Er will die einzige Brautjungfer herumkriegen, die er bisher irgendwie übersehen hat. Doch der Geist seines verstorbenen Onkels Wayne (Michael Douglas) – der Connor beigebracht hat, die Frauen zu wechseln wie die Hemden – verfolgt ein ganz anderes Ziel…

Star Trek – Die Zukunft hat begonnen:
James T. Kirk ist ein rebellischer Hitzkopf im amerikanischen Niemandsland, der nie den Tod seines Vaters bei einem Angriff eines romulanischen Raumschiffs verkraftet hat. Nach einer seiner Prügeleien fordert ihn Captain Pike, einst ein Freund seines verstorbenen Vaters, auf, der Sternenflotte beizutreten. Dort macht sich Kirk zunächst keine Freunde, bis ihn eine Mission zwingt, endlich Verantwortung zu übernehmen: der Romulaner Nero bedroht Vulkan, den Heimatplaneten von Kirks späterem Weggefährten Spock…

Transformers 2:
Nachdem Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) die Welt mit Hilfe der gutmütigen Autobots vor den bösartigen Decepticons gerettet hat, freut er sich auf ein normales Leben. Als er aufs College geht, lässt er nicht nur Freundin Mikaela (Megan Fox) zurück…

X-Men Origins: Wolverine:
Hugh Jackman schlüpft wieder in die Rolle, die ihn zum Superstar machte: Wolverine – der Mann mit den unverkennbaren Stahlklingen, bemerkenswerten Selbstheilungskräften, ruppigem Charme und einer gehörigen Portion trockenem Humor. ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’ erzählt die Vorgeschichte Logans mit Augenmerk auf seine mysteriöse Vergangenheit, seine komplexe Beziehung zu Victor Creed (Liev Schreiber) und das ominöse Weapon X-Programm. Der Zuschauer erfährt, wer Wolverine wirklich ist…

Duplicity:
CIA-Offizier Claire Stenwick (Julia Roberts) und MI6-Agent Ray Koval (Clive Owen) standen früher im Geheimdienst ihrer Regierungen. Derzeit haben sie in die Privatwirtschaft gewechselt, um mit lukrativen Verträgen das meiste aus dem Kalten Krieg herauszuholen. Beide jagen jeweils für ihre Bosse Tully (Tom Wilkinson) und Garsik (Paul Giamatti) einem milliardenschweren Patent nach. Keiner ahnt, dass sie eine heimliche Affäre und eigene Pläne haben…

Männersache:
Tagsüber arbeitet Paul (Mario Barth) in einer Berliner Zoohandlung und abends an seiner Karriere als Komiker. Zugegeben, seine Auftritte laufen mies… bis Paul anfängt, Witze über seinen besten Freund Hotte (Dieter Tappert) und dessen Freundin Susi (Anja Kling) zu reißen. Auf einmal läuft es auf der Bühne: Pauls Gags über Hottes Beziehungsgeschichten, nicht enden wollende Shopping-Orgien von Susi und den Pärchen Kaffeeklatsch bei den Schwiegereltern sind ein Renner…

State of Play – Stand der Dinge:
Ein junger aufstrebender Politiker und ein Washingtoner Enthüllungsreporter finden sich mitten im Epizentrum einer Reihe von Morden wieder, die nur scheinbar nichts miteinander zu tun haben. Der Kongressabgeordnete Stephen Collins (Ben Affleck) ist Hoffnung und Zukunft seiner Partei – ein aussichtsreicher und ehrenhafter Newcomer, unter anderem im Vorsitz des Komitees für Verteidigungsausgaben…

Weitere Informationen, auch Top 100 Liste, erhalten Sie hier

Je sais qu’en ce moment je ne suis pas trés présent sur le blog because déménagement, mais cela ne ma pas empécher de tester le Blu-Ray du Space Opéra de ce début d’année.

Eh bien je peut vous dire que j’attendais un blu-ray avec une bonne image et un bon son et côté bonus droit à quelques commentaires et un petit making of. Et bien je me suis bien tromper pour les bonus car de ce coté la je fût trés agréablement surpris.

Perso je ne suis pas un fan de la série originel mais le film de J.J Abrams est tellement bien fait qu’il devrait même plaire aux novices.

Donc comme pour le film qui fût une bonne surprise, ce blu-ray est l’une de mes sortie préférer en cette fin d’année.

Ini salah satu film superheroes. Aku sebenarnya antara suka atau tidak adalah biasa. Jadi bukannya tidak suka, dan juga bukannya aku suka. Menurutku film ini dalam skala 1:10 nilainya pertengahan. Antara 5-6. Sebab, dari segi cerita, film ini kurang menggigit. Emosi karakternya tidak terlihat, walaupun ada scene yang mengharukan di mana Barones menangis ketika teringat cintanya, tapi ya,…cuma itu. Nggak ada yang benar-benar membutuhkan akting maksimal.

Lagipula film ini terlalu banyak menggunakan CG. Kalau sudah banyak menggunakan CG, ya paling tidak mata kita akan dimanjakan untuk menutupi kelemahan cerita. Film Hollywood rata-rata seperti itu. Untuk menutupi kelemahan cerita mereka menggunakan spesial efek yang wah, sampai merogoh kocek jutaan dollar. Memang banyak yang suka, tapi mereka ditipu oleh seni. Bagi sang produser ataupun sutradara yang penting uang. Makanya kalau pernah lihat Transformer: Revenge of The Fallen, dengan segudang kesalahan fatal film ini laris manis bak kacang goreng, karena memang spesial efeknya luar biasa.

Tapi ya itu tadi kekuatan cerita kurang, dan setiap permasalahan yang sangat rumit hanya dijelaskan kurang dari 2 menit. Tanpa perlu kita memikirkan detail dari permasalahan itu, klasik dan tipikal Hollywood. Namun kita akan dimanjakan dengan hot babes yang muncul di film ini. Beneran, aku lebih tertarik dengan munculnya Sienna Miller dan Rachel Nichols. Mereka benar-benar membuat laki-laki naik turun dan film ini lebih manis.

Tapi, selain itu film ini biasa saja. Tidak ada yang begitu spesial.

Bean knows a lot about the internet and more about Twitter.  Now he’s going to share with you the Holy Grail of Twitter.  The people he follows and thinks you should too.

10.  @diablocody Oscar winning “Juno” writer and thanks to “Jennifer’s Body” she knows Megan Fox. Very funny. Goofy. Silly. All the things I’m not, so I admire that.

9.  @tmorello Rage Against The Machine guitarist/Nightwatchman often has interesting comments to share on music, the news, and politics.

8.  @andrewsiciliano ESPN radio and Direct TV Red Zone host is one of several sports junkies I follow for excellent and timely insight.

7.  @benjaminfolds Talented singer-songwriter but I follow him because his photography, particularly his black-and-white stuff is inspiring.

6.  @therealbuzz The second man on the moon, Buzz Aldrin. Did you know they fashioned the MTV “MoonMan” statue after him? He remains the foremost promoter of America’s space program.

5.  @therealmariners For up-to-the-minute news on my favorite baseball team, the Seattle Mariners. Odd that they haven’t sent me any info on when our playoff games start…

4.  @johncmayer I was shocked to find out how hilarious this singer-guitarist was. There’s a reason he has almost two and a half million followers.

3.  @celebritydeaths For obvious reasons. I love death and hate to be the last one to know when someone famous kick it.

2.  @rachelnichols1 Beautiful actress best known for playing Scarlett in the “G.I. Joe” movie and the green alien in the “Star Trek” film. Why?  Because I love her and she will be mine. You can’t stalk someone unless you take the time to know what they are up to.

1.  @alyankovic Any responsible tweeter will start with Weird Al.  There are many impersonators on there but he is the real, the one, the only, the godlike…

From ESPN.com

lady, they said to turn off your cell phone before the movie started...

R

Rachel Nichols, Wes Bentley

Angela: Please just let me go.  I won’t tell anyone.
Tom: Oh, yeah, I believe you…

A woman working late on Christmas Eve is terrorized by the security guard working in the parking garage.

This is a mostly by the numbers movie that’s only elevated a bit by Rachel Nichols going all out with her performance.  She may not be the best actress in the world, but it isn’t for lack of effort.  She’s put through a lot in this movie – including car wrecks, near drownings, dog attacks, and more – and she actually manages to make it all fairly believable.  Of course, before the movie really gets going, they had to get her out of her business attire and into a low cut dress for the remainder of the film.  We can’t have our heroine in peril not looking sexy!

Wes Bentley is not quite as successful as the psychotic security guard who has been obsessed with Angela for a long time.  I think he was going for a sort of Norman Bates type character, but he just doesn’t seem to know how to capture that odd, almost childlike loneliness that Anthony Perkins played so well.  A rewrite of the character may have helped too.  Maybe to make him a tad more sympathetic, sad, and unsure of his own actions, rather than the sadistic creep he is here.

I also wish Angela had been a little more interesting.  Sure she gets free and shows her tough side, but I would like to see these women have a tougher mental side in these movies on occasion, rather than just having them whimper and scream until they finally get the best of their tormentor.  How about if Angela keeps her cool, recognizes how obsessed Tom is with her, then uses that to her advantage and out-thinks him in a series of verbal exchanges.

Anyway, back to the movie that actually was.  It has the usual loud music scares and one scene of over the top violence.  Oh, and another one of violence perpetrated on a dog.  But I’d say it had it coming.  Then there’s the obligatory near rescues and escapes that fail.  That cell phone won’t get reception down here in the parking garage?  What a shock.

It’s not a terrible movie, but not a good one either, though at least it kept my attention throughout, which is more than I can say for some movies.  Of course, that dress might have had something to do with that…

When you’ve got the killer down and disabled on the ground, finish him right there!  Don’t run away and let him recover!  Sheesh…

10 – 1.5 for uninteresting characters – 3.5 for lack of originality + .1 for Rachel Nichols being a trooper and giving it all she’s got = 5.1

Rachel Nichols (quienes ustedes la habrán de recordar por la cinta de Star Trek) está ya dentro del cast de “The Loop”.

El Variety nos asegura de que Nichols hará el papel de Fiona, una bibliotecaria que junto con un policía de caminos develarán los misterios detrás de los mensajes crípticos que un perico bien anciano dice.

No se sabe cuando comienzan a filmarla pero vaya que es una buena opción saltar de una película de ciencia ficción a esto. Mucha suerte a Rachel.

Michael Bay’s Transformers marked the beginning. Now the next movies about boys’ favorite action toys gets its own movie. And as I expected after seeing the trailer: This movie is so shitty, trashy and filled with tons of special effects, the movie is kind of good again; a summer blockbuster popcorn movie nobody needs, with actors who are not only miscast, but their roles are very boring and their respective actors bored. Maybe this movie was not a good idea to make, because it has zero value. Nothing new in story, characters, effects; this is just a million-dollar project of a production firm called Hasbro, a once good director named Stephen Sommers (who was responsible for the acceptable good The Mummy summer blockbusters), which completely fails in the cinema, because nobody is interested in a Transformers copy without the Transformers, instead with high-tech soldiers, who defy physics and gravity and try to make the world better while killing some bad terrorists, who want to rule the world. And just because Hasbro plans to do some advertisement for their toys. When is the next group of toys coming with a movie on their feet? And I seriously don’t hope they are planning a sequel to this.
Okay, when I am honest, I want to see a sequel; I want to see that writers and producers are learning from their mistakes and actually make a better movie. With less special effects, better actors and a sense of a good story. Because the typical and stereotype “Maniac seeks to rule the world” is older than James Bond and more boring than the sac of rice falling from a patio in China. Or trying to be simple: horrible movie, but good movie. You don’t understand? Me neither…

I try to simplify the simple story in less than fifty words: There is a secret agency with super-soldiers and there are stolen warheads. Super soldiers try to find the warheads and stop a maniac from taking over the world. Meanwhile said super soldiers have some difficulties with their mission and run after the bad people, the warheads and a lost love.
Damn, 51 words.

The movie is way too overrated, even though the ads for this movie were not that many. I barely saw the trailer in cinemas and I never saw any billboards. Maybe the bad critics of the movie are unwarranted, too, because you get from this movie what you want to see. You don’t go to see Transformers, when you are looking for characters, logic and a romantically sweet love story. You see it for the action, for the big booms and for the simple story, which is only a reason for things to blow up in a spectacular way. It worked in the first Transformers, it worked barely in the second Transformers. It didn’t work in G.I. Joe.
The story of the movie is basically the “serious” version of Team America: World Police with a bit from every military movie you know and lots of patriotism, cheesy dialogs, stupid twists and a falling Eiffel Tower. It begins with a flashback of the year 1641 in France and jumps forward in time to our present. I had to ask myself what the
flashback wanted to tell me; not only didn’t I see any connections with the “story from the past”, but when these connections are shining behind the clouds for a little bit, then they are completely useless. It works way better without the Man in the Iron Mask copy. And I know this was part of the G.I Joe history, with its comics and the animated TV
series. But for the movie it was just a waste of time. As it was most part of the movie.
Let’s make it clear: This movie wasn’t made for back-stories of the characters, for a meaningful story without plot holes, for getting the B class actors out there. The main reason for the movie was Hasbro selling some action toys. It is like a 170 million dollar campaign for a classic G.I. Joe 12 inch soldier, trying to wow the kids again and let the parents pay for action figures, which the kids won’t see again, when they start with senior high school. And it worked; G.I. Joe is somehow between a high-tech summer popcorn blockbuster nobody wanted to see after the opening weekend (as of Oct. 11, the domestic box office with estimated 150 million dollars is still under the 175 million dollar production budget) and a big commercial clip advertising the toys and lots of “Get recruited by the military and you’ll be the hero the country needs right now”. The characters were build around the action scenes and the story around the big bangs.
Of course, the plot holes are so conspicuous you actually go blind seeing them: Warheads need to be weaponized while zapped with lasers for almost a minute? Our hero soldiers standing on a polar ice cap in the middle of the coldest place on Earth, wearing simple jeans and a pretty thin jacket? Lots of explosions with big fireballs under the ice cap in the water? Well, maybe for now I am an unhappy film critic who is highlighting all the plot holes…

The actors in G.I. Joe were probably bored while making the movie. Main hero Duke (Channing Tatum) doesn’t have one single face expression to offer; his BFF and soldier partner Ripchord (Marlon Wayans) only a vehicle for the cheesy and supposed-to-be funny oneliners; Ripchord’s future girlfriend and redhead Scarlett O’Hara (Rachel Nichols) is just the hot bitch on the good side, while Duke’s ex-girlfriend Anastasia (Sienna Miller) wears sexy leather, cool sunglasses and is very bad. With The Doctor (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and James McCullen (Christopher Ecclestone), we have two very cheesy bad boys, who just want one thing: masturbating while sitting on the throne of the world. The one wants to be the boss of all science of the world, the other one wants to be the boss of the world (it is pretty much the same in my eyes). And while Mr. Eko… ehm, Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje); Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and General Hawk (Dennis Quaid) are responsible for the unintentionally funny last battle, the good fight sequences (I liked the fights between Snake Eyes and his white-clothed brother Storm Shadow [Byung-hun Lee], especially their fight in one of the flashbacks, when they were beating the shit out of each other while being “normal” kids), and the cheesy general dialogs, the bad people are actually really dumb, when it comes to taking over the world. Because nobody stands against the G.I. Joes in this time of present. And nobody stands against the new hot fighting bitches Sienna Miller and Rachel Nichols, who are definitely on some watchlists of future action summer blockbusters. Hopefully they are.

After a while it is obvious that G.I. Joe won’t be more than that, and this is what I was expecting after sawing the trailer: nothing, an action-based science fiction flick, a good vs. bad story, cheesy characters and dialogs, incredible bored actors, and all in all a movie without a real purpose. The special effects seem unfinished, the stories stolen (the scenes in Paris alone scream for a Team America: World Police rewatch), the action unstoppable. And, seriously, the action scenes are well done – at least this is something, Stephen Sommers can do really good. Just an action summer flick. Nothing more, probably way more less.
Better than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen? Maybe, but I liked it more, when alien robots are beating the circuitries out of each other; soldier fights are just plain after all. After all I have to say that I love this movie, because I hate it so much.

The summer of 2009 ought to go down in history for featuring two of the worst blockbusters in recent memory. While 2008 gave us fun superhero flicks like Iron Man and The Dark Knight, 2009’s offerings include a terrible Transformers sequel and this particular clunker, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Yes, it’s based on the toy and yes, it’s as awful as you’d expect.

Directed by Stephen Sommers, G. I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra seems to want the honour of taking down Michael Bay’s Transformers: The Revenge of the Fallen in terms of obnoxiousness and explosions. Unfortunately for Sommers, it’s really difficult to top Bay at anything stupid and he comes up short here. This movie is slightly better than the Transformers sequel, but it doesn’t miss the mark by much.

The movie is produced by Hasbro and is essentially a live-action toy commercial set to a whole lot of weird rap-metal music that shirtless wrestling fans will love. Talking about the plot is almost pointless, but the basic gist of the thing is that some weapons expert (Christopher Eccleston) has created technology that works a little like advanced termites. Called nanotechnology-based weaponry, the idea is to unleash all of these little bug type creatures on structure and have them eat away at it.

Of course, the technology falls into the “wrong hands” after the Baroness (Sienna Miller) and a bunch of other bad guys hijack a transport shipment. This leads two army guys, played by Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans, to want to find out why. It also leads them into the clutches of a group that has been tracking the bad guys for a while. The group is, of course, the G.I. Joe team and they’re led by General Hawk (Dennis Quaid).

One thing leads to another and, over the course of about two hours and a pile of chases and explosions that mean virtually nothing, the Joe team takes on the bad guys and tries to stop their evil plot to…do…something. Loads of the toy characters (?) are present, including Snake Eyes (Ray Park), Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), and of course the Cobra Commander (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) himself.

Expectations for a movie like G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra ought to be firmly fixed on the ground. This is about blowing stuff up and doing it for various swooping and slowing camera angles. There’s really nothing else to this project of CGI porn than that and, if you’re unfortunate enough to expect some sort of additional entertainment value, you’re out of luck with this one. Sommers has his target audience in mind and delivers the goods.

The problem is that it’s just all so darn lame and, frankly, oddly disturbing. This is a movie that requires something to blow up about every thirty seconds or so. There are fights galore, none of which are very good, and a lot of chasing around through cities and landmark areas. The thing about all of this racket is that Sommers doesn’t have a bloody clue how to direct these sequences and effectively neuters them from providing any sense of danger or suspense.

A key example of this is one of the film’s key chase sequences through Paris. Cars flip and explode left, right and centre, with their innocent and uninvolved occupants presumably chuckling about it (seriously, what’s the innocent person body count estimate on this beast of a movie? 3000 or so?) after the fact. The Joes race through in ridiculous suits that make them almost impervious to, well, anything, and there’s just no risk to it at all. There’s no reason to care, save for just looking at the explosions and the CGI things flying around, and there’s no real reason to get excited unless G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is, in fact, your first time at the movies.

I’m not going to get into the performances because, quite simply, I don’t care. Sienna Miller is an able replacement for the Megan Fox-ish part, of course, and her appearance in a number of dominatrix-style getups isn’t all that bad. As for the rest of it, you don’t need me to tell you what G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is designed for: yeah, there’s a sequel or two coming and, yeah, there will be toys.

0.9/10

Trailer:

We always hope for nice weather on wedding days, but unfortunately Mother Nature doesn’t always co-operate. Such was the case this past Saturday (10/3/09) for Ashley Nichols and Benjamin Rosenbaum’s wedding.

The day started out promising, but even the most positive of intentions couldn’t hold off the rain. The beauty of it was that the weather really didn’t matter that much to the bride and groom. It was their wedding day, and their primary focus was becoming husband and wife. As it should be.

Steve and I arrived at the Woodriver Cellars, in Eagle, ID early afternoon to capture the wedding party during their getting ready process. I found Ashley, and her Maid of Honor, Molly Conein, in the spacious and beautifully appointed Bride’s room. Ashley was in the midst of having her hair done by Christina Hudson.

Soon bridesmaids Kelley Smith, Rachel Nichols, Janel Papadakis, Judy (Ashley’s Mom), and Chris (Ben’s Mom) joined the others and set about putting the finishing touches on their hair and make-up.

Once the girls were ready, they helped Ashley into her dress.

Then they toasted the bride-to-be.

Meanwhile Steve found Ben and his groomsmen, Andy Rosenbaum, Chris Smith, Jason Nichols, Michael Papadakis, Ben’s Father, Dirk, and Doug, (Ashley’s Dad) in the Groom’s room drinking beer and watching football on TV.

The first order of business was to re-position the antique fire truck, (borrowed from the Eagle Fire Department)  that was in the parking lot to a nicer setting. The truck was to be used as a prop for some of the pictures—appropriately so, as both the bride and groom were fire fighters (Ben with the Eagle Fire Department and Ashley with the Boise Fire Department).

Ben and Chris got the old vehicle cranked up and drove it to an area Steve and I had determined would provide a nice backdrop.

Then the guys headed back to the groom’s room to dress.

After getting one another’s boutonnieres pinned on, Steve took them outside for a fun series of shots.

Though there was a chill in the air and a brisk breeze, the weather was holding, and we were able to do the “reveal” outside.

Ashley looked beautiful, and Ben was duly impressed when he turned around and saw his bride.

We were able to get several different shots of the wedding party before the rain started to fall.

Judy really wanted a picture of herself driving the fire truck.

Everyone quickly retreated to the wine tasting room to keep dry.

The rain halted just long enough for us to grab Ashley and Ben for a few couple shots, though our time was pretty limited.

The ladies sequestered themselves back in the Bride’s room as guests began to arrive.With no sign of a break in the weather, the executive decision was made to move the ceremony from the picturesque outside area (now thoroughly soaked) to inside the tent. Though the change of setting was somewhat of a visual disappointment, the ceremony, officiated by Randy Majors, was just as beautiful and touching as ever.

Vows and rings were exchanged,

the two were pronounced husband and wife, and Ben kissed his bride.

Presenting Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Rosenbaum.

The Boise Fire Department Pipes and Drums, donned in dress kilts, performed the recessional as Ashley and Ben led the wedding party out of the tent. It was a wonderful tribute to the newlyweds, and a great conclusion to the ceremony.

The wedding party and family members, huddled under umbrellas, and made their way to the wine tasting room for portraits.

With my help coordinating the groupings, Steve took pictures of various combinations of the wedding party and the bride and groom’s families.

Once the family portraits were completed, everyone headed back to the tent.  There, formal introductions were made as the parents, the wedding party, and the bride and groom made their grand entrances into the reception.

The bride and groom were invited to the buffet line where Me Time Catering had prepared a lovely array of food.

The crew of Summit Dental, (where Judy Nichols works).

Shortly after all the guests had been through the buffet line, the Bride and Groom cut their cake and respectfully fed a piece to one another.

Ashley’s father, Doug started off the toasts.

Best Man, Andy Rosenbaum, followed. During his speech, Andy thanked the couple for their help and support with his Health Club Business.  He admitted to his surprise and respect of Ashley when she came into the club one day and demonstrated her strength by cranking out 150 pull ups.  Looking at this beautiful, feminine young bride, it is hard to believe underneath it all she is a woman of steel.

Maid of Honor, Molly Conein, informed the guests that Ben is rarely found without a hat on his head.  She surprised him by producing and returning his beloved ratty old red baseball cap that had been missing (inadvertently left in her car) for the past two years.

He was thrilled to get it back.

Daniel of Aardvark Entertainment, (the D.J. at the event), invited Ashley and Ben to take to the floor for their first dance as husband and wife.

As the song ended, Daniel presented the couple with a plaque commemorating their first dance music.

Then, as is customary, Ashley danced with her Dad, and Ben danced with his Mom.

Two of the couple’s friends performed an over-the-top rendition of “The Time of My Life“, much to their amusement and many of the guests’.

There was plenty of dancing going on throughout the night.

Skip Pierce and Judy Nichols really got down. This  is called the alligator, and from what I now understand, these two are notorious for doing this dance together.

Skip happens to be my dentist. I had never seen him in a social setting before and was quite surprised and amused to see him “come out of his shell”. You go doc!

Judy was not to be outdone, though you would have thought that wearing a skirt might present some limitations.  Let me just say, I won’t be sharing all of the photos of her performance with you.

In addition to dancing, guests had fun hamming it up in the photo booth, provided by David Schneider of photoboothboise.com.  A big box of props was on hand to add to the humor.

Two sets of pictures were printed out. The subjects got to keep one set for themselves, the other was put into to a scrap book for the bride and groom.

Ashley tossed her bouquet, but they opted not to do the garter toss.

Towards the end of the evening cigars were passed out.

To top off the celebration, Ben and Ashley and some of their studly friends showed off their strength by doing push ups and pull ups.

This was definitely a first, and we’ve photographed a lot of weddings!  What a cap off to the evening!

The weather may have been inclement, but it certainly didn’t dampen the spirits, joy or fun of this event.

Thanks to Ashley and Ben for choosing us to photograph their wedding.    It was a terrific celebration and we wish them a lifetime of bliss!

To view all the images from this event, click here.

All images copyright 2009 Steve Smith Weddings.

G.I. Joe comes to the big screen as the team must take down an arms dealer who has created a bomb made of nanites that will literally eat cities until the kill switch is hit.

Directed by – Stephen Sommers

Written by – Stuart Beattie, David Elliot, Paul Lovett, Michael Gordon, Stephen Sommers

Starring – Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Christopher Eccleston, Gregory Fitoussi, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Karolina Kurkova, Byung-hun Lee, Sienna Miller, Rachel Nichols, Kevin J. O’Connor, Gerald Okamura, Ray Park, Dennis Quaid, Said Taghmaoui, Channing Tatum, Arnold Vosloo, Marlon Wayans

I’m sure there’s two running opinions on this flick. I liked it for the sheer action of it. It’s packed full of explosions, car chases, shooting, fighting and over the top bases that nobody could ever build in the first place. The other camp might not like it because it probably screws with G.I. Joe history and doesn’t follow the mythology of the original series. That’s why I liked it so much, I don’t know anything about the history of G.I. Joe beyond the fact that I watched the cartoon as a kid.

The plot does get pretty convoluted at times. This person has a history with this person who’s related to this other person who’s supposed to be dead but still has a job at the local Wal-Mart and sells guns out of his shed. Or something like that. While all the connect the dots history of the characters can get annoying, I was only in this one for the action and that’s exactly what I got.

The Baroness. The hottest girl to knock you out in years!

I don’t think I would even bother trying to go into the plot at this point. While it’s pretty obvious what’s going on, there’s so much of it that you can get lost. Better to just stick to watching things go boom, and man, do things go boom alot. The action is well done and fits the G.I. Joe theme with giant bases and huge battles. I mean, who really has the money to build a giant underwater city! Of course it’s in there anyway, just like I would expect from a G.I. Joe movie.

While I did really enjoy it, there were some things that bothered me. I didn’t like the way Cobra Commander looked. I love the classic Cobra Commander and his look in the movie wasn’t even close to this. I was assured by a friend that he actually did look this way at one point in the history of G.I. Joe but I can’t remember it and I wish they had chosen a look that the general public would recognize more. Either that or everyone else knows it and I didn’t, that could be the case! I was also bothered by the fact that Snake Eyes suit had a mouth on it. The guy doesn’t talk, why does his suit have a mouth on it. And it looked really odd. Here’s this tight fitting mask that is so tight it’s hugging his lips and saying hello to them. I know, it’s a small thing but it was distracting every time I saw it. I’m weird like that.

The Joe team gets ready for action, in black leather of course.

Overall this movie delivers on the promise of over the top action and that’s all that I wanted from it. I certainly enjoyed it more than I thought I would and I can see how it fits into the popcorn action blockbuster section. I mean, it’s G.I. Joe right, did we really think it would be anything else?

Under the marquee – Will

Big summer action movie. I appreciate all the advanced technology. It’s all about the toys my friend. More and more I see movies with Bio-technology. Changing someones appearance, weapons that work with your DNA and my favorite computers that interact with the user. Sci-fi is taking over Hollywood! The cast is full of young actors and even a Victoria Secret model. For me I was hypnotized by the beautiful Rachel Nichols. She is the mixed between Barbie and G.I. Joe. I remember her in Star Trek as the sexy green Gaila. Chaning Tatum and Sienna Miller leads the show with some love hate relationship. Sienna played the tough villain but really. I don’t see her kicking ass with some black ops bad ass soldiers. I know its just a movie right? We have some martial arts rivals. Enhanced soldiers thats been a military dream for ever. I think it had a good mix of story and action. The action of course was unbelievably crazy fun. Hero’s are only as good as their adversaries. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the mad Doctor who I never saw coming nice twist people. Christopher Eccleston as Destro also does a nice job as over achiever villain. Dennis Quaid plays General for all the G.I. Joe’s. Throw in some comedy relief with Marlon Wayans as Ripcord. It seems just simple dialogue from Wayans and it seems funny. Maybe that’s just me. Destro gets missiles with nano technology and plans to use them as part of a plan to rule the world. It’s up to the G.I. Joe’s “When All Else Fails, They Don’t”