I apologize to the dedicated fans of this blog, but I’ve gone through a lot of personal shit that prevented me from regularly posting to this site (WAAAAAAH, MY LIFE IS TOUGH!, WAAAAAH).  With Artie going nuts, I’m sure there will be more Ralph calls, as there’s no one to shit on him when he does call. 

I (Matt) will be posting more regularly during and after the vacation.  A special thanks to dylan555 for pitching in, despite his own personal stuff going on!

Cheers,
Matt

I loved how Ralph called in yesterday during the Henry Hill interview to compare Henry’s almost begging for booze to Artie eating too many cupcakes and drinking too much Hi-C.   What about Artie’s addicition to coke, heroin, and alcohol?? I sure hope if I ever need an intervention that my friends are half as astute as Ralph.  Way to go!

I love that Howard imitates the Brady celebreality Valentine’s gift to Beth O and has pictures that the viewers sent in of him and Ralph.  I was surprised there was no witty Ralph call.

Also, nice job by Crazy Alice to take a few shots at Ralph for no reason in her latest voicemail.

It was funny listening to Gary twist in the wind about being bored in Vegas.  I can sympathize with Gary though, because if you don’t want to lose all your money and you’re alone, there are times where you can get restless.  I love, though, how Ralph (the man with no job) calls in and gives Gary shit.  If he had gone out there with Artie, he would have been bitching and moaning that Artie left him alone.  WAAA!  At least Gary just said he was bored and tried.

My question is, how can Ralph not be bored more often?  What does that Berry-faced bastard do all day?  I bet he’s out there playing D&D all day.  If you’re his dungeon master, please write in.

Thank you to Howard for putting Ralph the Idiot and Eric the Midget Ungrateful Piece of Shit on the air at the same time.  Ralph seems to have found a new talent in taunting that silly little freak.  Let’s hope it doesn’t go to his head.

I’ve heard three mentions of Ralph in the last few days of listening to the show in the morning and catching replays on the way home:

1)  Ralph is wondering whether or not he should get the Berry removed.  I don’t think Ralph was on the line for this discussion, but Howard and the rest talked about it.  Should he remove his trademark or keep it?

2) Ralph does deserve some credit for Howard’s outfit on Letterman.  Howard looked pretty sharp (though his hair is doing weird stuff lately).  Howard 100 News interviews him about this during one of the newsbreaks.

3) Ralph shit all over the new Terminator TV show this morning.  I have to agree with Howard that it was pretty good and Ralph doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

There is the Ralph sighting report for Monday and Tuesday.  Maybe he can spice up the Eric the Midget calls this week like he did one day last week.

I’m curious as to what are everyone’s favorite (or least favorite depending on your opinion of Ralph) moments of the year.  Personally I’m a fan of whenever he calls in and gets exasperated by Eric the Midget the Actor the Writer.  I also love the entire Hampton’s fiasco.

Ralph called in to the show to share his “List” for why Richard’s such a loser.  The points are as follows:

• He lives like an animal (in complete filth)
• Richard used to live in a storage unit (for 8 years, to be exact)
• He runs around Naked, Drunk, and Stupid
• Richard’s “…like Rain Man, he’s hyper-focused!”
• He’s all “Pasty, White & Blotchy…like retards”
• Artie chimed in: “You Shit Your Pants!” Note: So did Artie
  
• Robin commented, of course: “Did you go to school at all?”

Finally, Richard defends himself by saying: “Life is short, you could be gone tomorrow…” While that IS a great point Richard, you could at LEAST clean up, don’t you think? I ask…Richard may stink (and loves elves) but Richard DOES work for a living (unlike Ralph).  Who’s more worthless, Richard or Ralph?

If you haven’t heard the previews lately, Howard 100 and Howard 101 will be doing a special tribute to our man, Ralph Cirella.  Here’s the twist…they’re calling it a “Ralph Free Special.”  However, listeners who love Ralph can hear him on Howard 100 and those who hate him tune into Howard 101.  Hmm…for all you readers out there, do you see a coincidence?  If you don’t get it, this blog’s name is Love or Hate Ralph!  What upsets me the most is that some Howard Stern staffer probably got credit for coming up with that great idea, let alone the name. It chafes my ass knowing someone may have gotten the idea from this site and didn’t give us any credit!

I’m a HUGE Howard fan and gladly shell over $25 bucks a month for 2 Sirius receivers and a subscription to Howard TV.  With that said, I’m not really pissed, just absolutely flattered that they might have come up with the idea looking at my site.  Now, if I could only get a “thank you” from whomever pitched the idea to the Tim Sabian.   Hell, at least shoot me an e-mail to let help spread the word to the thousands who’ve read this blog TIM!

On the same note, I’m calling Howard 100/101 news to pitch this story to them.  I’ll keep everyone informed!

Thanks again to Steve Dirx for contributing to this gem.

Even with Mastertape Theatre on Friday, we got a glimpse of Ralph being a douche.  The show, from October 2001, featured a caller who said that Ralph “volunteered” to help with the September 11th efforts.  In essense the caller said Ralph stood around, didn’t work, and didn’t show respect to the rescue workers.  Nice job!

That’s right, Howard 100 news reported that Sam Simon and Ralph Cirella have put down their swords to “Hug it out Bitch!!!”

In fact, Sam has allowed Ralph to mooch well. This time Sam’s renting a few villas in Hawaii with his wife, Norm McDonald (star of Dirty Work) and son, and also inviting Artie Lange (who turned it down thanks to a gig in Poughkeepsie, NY…NICE ARTIE). Ralph’s luck just doesn’t run out, but at least he knows he’s a lucky guy!

Since Artie bailed, there’s an extra seat left…any chance I can get it Sam?

I forgot the analogy that a caller used, but thanks to Marksfriggin.com, I was able to remember correctly. Note: You can get an autographed Miss Howard Stern Photo by going on to his site and emailing him directly. Perhaps he’ll hook me up with one, but I probably have a better chance of getting my nuts zapped at work tomorrow.

Anyways, someone called in and complained to Howard that he was pissed about the show had become “The Don Imus Show.” After making a useless point, he bitched and said that he wanted more Ralph Cirella and less Don Imus. Seriously, I’d rather hear more about how Ralph is a complete misfit, rather than hear about that fucking asshole Don Imus! However, where did this guy come from? More Ralph Cirella?

What do you think?

Friday’s suck because our pal Ralph Cirella can’t call in. However, superfan (and notorious Howard Stern Show Photoshop guy) Steve Dirkx has sent me some pretty funny Ralph comics!

I’m hoping to make this a regular Friday feature here on Love or Hate Ralph! This site has really picked up a lot of steam since its inception two months ago. Thanks everyone!

• Teri Hatcher
  • “Looks like a tranny” I AGREE
• Sara Jessica Parker
  • “Horseface” COMPLETELY AGREE
• Jessica Simpson I DISAGREE…HOT BUT DUMB AS A BOX OF ROCKS
  • “Looks like a cross-eyed tranny”-Ralph
  • “She looks like she has a penis” -Fred
• Cameron Diaz
  • “Big mouth, looks like a tranny”-Ralph
• Ivanka Trump
  • “Looks like her dad, too much like Donald”-Ralph
• Jillian Barberie
  • “She had a kid and looks like a big tranny” -Ralph
• Paris Hilton
  • “Cross eyes, flat ass, no ass…NOT HOT”-Ralph
  • “I’d let Paris Blow me”-Artie
• Pam Anderson
  • “Whacked out and marries everyone that runs into her” -Ralph
    • Ralph says that she’s going to hit the wall in 3 years. Sorry Ralph, she’s ALREADY hit the wall my friend.
• The Cheerleader from Heroes-”She’s NOT hot, man.”

Today was a gem for Ralph. He’s definitely a heartless bastard, but a good phone call.

What do you think?

Ralph called in today to blast Crazy Alice.  Apparently, he wasn’t pleased with her yelling and cursing, while on the show today.  He’d also made the observation that she’s the kind of black chick that we (society) have to take care of.  Wow…Ralph the Racist anyone?

Crazy Alice responded to Ralph calling him a “Cherry-Berry Faced Bastard.”  She ended her 15-second tirade by calling Ralph a “faggot.”  Well, I think one of things she said is true, but the other is still being investigated.

I loved Crazy Alice’s appearance today…flippin’ awesome!

Howard 100 reported today that Robin Quivers was at the Sam Simon Estate this weekend, during her visit to California.

In the Howard 100 report, Robin Quivers said she’d taken a tour of Sam’s place where she was shown “Ralph’s House,” “Where he ran and what his days were like.”  I imagine that it doesn’t go further than lounging around his guest house and maybe wandering around L.A. using his status as “Howard Stern’s Stylist” to get him into clubs.  Robin described “Ralph’s House” as “…being beautiful, with a nice bedroom, bath and kitchen!”  Apparently, his house has been in architecture books, but I don’t know where.  To make it even more interesting, Robin said: “It’s so beautiful that I’d be afraid  to stay there.”  Wow, that’s a lot coming from a her!

Steve Lankford also reported that Sam told Robin to give Ralph a “Big Kiss for me!”  Umm..is there something Sam’s girlfriend should know about?

So, how the hell does Ralph do it?  He has to be the luckiest bastard I know.

An update on the Sam Simon/Ralph Cirella fight:

Howard 100 News reported yesterday that Simpson’s creator Sam Simon is no longer pissed at Ralph. Apparently, despite the fact Ralph is a convicted appliance killer, Sam wants to hug it out, bitch! Ralph can now roam around like one of Sam’s dogs at his house.

In other news, how about the $10,000 payment Christine and Sal got for going on yesterday’s show?

I thought of this idea on the shitter this morning…this is where I do most of my thinking.

I would love to see Howard TV produce “A Day in the Life of Ralph!” I’d love to host it, but hell a professional would probably be better. However, I did do a few videos at Mason and radio there as well. I digress. Personally, I think fans (people who love or hate the guy) WOULD actually like to see the show…but I could be wrong.

What are you thoughts? Would YOU like to see “A Day in the Life of Ralph?”

I’m off to watch Part 5 of PBS’ The War. Since I’m currently unemployed, this is what I look forward to…but it’s a GREAT series (I recommend it).

Hey everyone, I was wondering if anyone could send me some great photoshop pictures of our pal Ralph?  I saw a few on SFN, but I’m not trying to steal from Mutt or SFN Fans who post.  IF you’re wondering,  my handle is WNNNNNNBC!

For everyone that sends one, I’ll plug your blog, business or freelancing skills! Please send your responses to loveorhateralph@gmail.com.

Thanks!

-Matt

Ralph, in between his naps, meals and occasional assignment from Howard, graced us with his thoughts on politics (after messing with Howard about marriage, making fun of Ronnie the Limo Driver’s height and Gary’s wort). Images from Howardstern.com
Apparently, Ralph actually thought the President of Iran is “well-spoken” and was funny talking about the fact there’s no “gays in Iran.” On Columbia University’s decision to allow that idiot to speak, Ralph didn’t exactly say that it was a bad idea.

Some Ralph quotes:

“…I don’t know anything about the guy and he kinda exposes himself.”
-Ralph, on the speech.

“I don’t want to pick up a newspaper…”

-Ralph, on his desire to learn more about President A***** (I won’t mention the President’s name)
“I don’t like him…” -Ralph, on President A*****

Finally, Ralph had to mention one more thing. Howard encouraged him to hurry up because “he didn’t want to get a ton of e-mails tomorrow.” Ralph replied: “Oh FUCK THEM…” and he went on with his take on the Jesus Twins’ appearance on Master Tape Theater.

I wanted to bring this issue up, but I thought I’d wait to catch the WHOLE debacle unleashed on Howard TV, for our viewing pleasure.

So, with that said, I see both sides of the issue (of course). On one side, Ralph is inconsiderate of Howard’s “status,” but when a man’s gotta go…a man’s gotta go. Here are some great quotes that I jotted down from the Howard TV daily Show:

“…Ralph will always be Howard’s friend…” -John Hein

“Ralph had an involuntary function…and he chose to do what he had to do.”
-Sal the Stockbroker

“…I wouldn’t be Ralph’s friend…” -J.D. (a.k.a. Da Badass)

“Ralph Cirella needs a life coach…Howard will have him back…”
-Artie Lange

Ralphie Cakes seems to be laying low this week.  He called in earlier to first support Robin’s new fucked up circulation boosting treatment, then called back in ten minutes later to change his mind and tell her she was crazy.  Way to go ass kisser!  Personally, I think it’s time to bring back the Evaluators segment so we can get him back in the studio and pile on the abuse.