Goh, wat is er toch met mij aan de hand? Het afgelopen halfjaar heb ik constant wel en niet een stem. Kom ik vandaag bij de dokter, zegt ze: Ga maar naar de KNO (keel-neus-oor) arts. Durf te wedden dat ik daar ook weer terug of door wordt gestuurd.

In elk geval, mijn baan als administratief medewerker én het feit dat mijn stem het vaak voor gezien houdt is een slechte combinatie. Wie moet er nu de telefoontjes beantwoorden met: ‘Hier hebben we geen interesse in.’ ?

Wat het ook moge zijn, de wereld is niet blij met mij. Dinsdag hoorde ik dat ik aankomende zaterdag in de uitzending van Lieve Paul mag optreden en wat gebeurt er? Ja hoor: mijn stem houd er mee op. Besides, het weer is ook rot en het OV ook dankzij het weer en dankzij het rotOV kan ik niet genoeg werken.

Wat een leven…. Oh en dan zou er ook nog zo iets als school in mijn leven horen te zijn, maar ik denk niet dat ik 11 uur kletsen en slapen in een gebouw van het ROC Midden-Nederland in Amersfoort als school kan beschouwen. Al met al: stemproblemen zijn de root of all evil; het maakt mijn dagdagelijkse werk een stuk minder plezant.

- Aveline

I was counting on you then
Close your eyes and think of when
So they gazed at the stars
And he told her his real name

Sabina, log on MSN. No, not now, actually. I’ll write another post when I’m actually online, hehe. I just felt like writing it, y’know.

New Moon was amazing, by the way. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I seem to be extremely sentimental nowadays – I cried during Mew, watching the movie last night… I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. (clear throat) Anyways! In my opinion, it can hardly be compared to the first one. Which is a shame, since the first movie should have been really amazing (like the book), but oh well.

What am I doing? I am chilling in class. Aino just had a kick-ass presentation, and the tasks we were supposed to do have long since left my mind. Unfortunately. But my lookout is not so bad, I found out, so I don’t really need to stress too much.

Funfact: for the first time in god knows how long I don’t have any plans for the weekend. I mean, neither Friday nor Saturday night has anything on them in my journal. I don’t know how I feel about that. Delight… or not?

I need to run, and I should post this before it’s not right anymore (like the fact that I’m not in class anymore). So, I’ll write more later, and I will tell you when to log on MSN, Sabina.

[Song: Web | Artist: Mew]

I was watched the Lifetime Special “Georgia O’Keeffe” tonight. I quite liked it and realized I need to be with more like minded people. I need the actual physical support of other artists.

I think I will probably try to take at least one class at the local arts center. Maybe try something new. Maybe go exotic and finally take a weekend workshop in Denver on Glass Blowing.

I know I want to watercolor and I know I have some talent there, but there are still other things to learn.

I guess I really don’t mind being the person who knows a little bit about everything versus knowing everything about one thing.

I will never get to the point that I know everything about my medium because things are always changing. But I think I already know the necessities.

Mostly, I need the support, the critiques and the networking.

Lately, I just have been really crabby. I think it stems from the fact that I’ve been really ungrateful.

My husband has a fantastic job that allows me to stay home and homeschool our children. We have more than enough stuff. I go to see my family fairly frequently. We have plenty of food.

And yet, I’ve been ungrateful. I’ve been nit-picky. I’ve been crabby and mean. I haven’t been very nice.

But it’s now Thanksgiving. (Literally- it just hit midnight as I’m writing this.) This will be my “Thanksgiving Resolution” (since those New Year’s ones never seem to stick). I will be grateful. I have plenty. I have more than I need. I’m doing what I always dreamed I could. I love my life, my God, my husband, and my family. I will be thankful.

And just because I think it’s necessary on a day like this:

• PlayStation LifeStyle » PSLS Presents – Pete Stott, Sony Digital Comics
  (tags: digital comics interview)

What are you thankful for?

I took a personal day yesterday so I could spend the day with the In-Laws. It was a great day at home, but in order to enjoy the day, I had to leave extensive substitute lesson plans. It got me thinking: How many other jobs require someone to give a minute by minute play of their day? Who else has to schedule in a potty break for the poor sap who takes their place?

Most people can take a day off and the work will be there when they return. There’s no prep work. They take the day off and people hardly notice. Not in my case.

I have to prepare everything for the day. I have to make copies and type up notes. And then to top it all off, you don’t know what kind of sub you’re going to get. One time, I had a lady who didn’t even speak English. The kids told me they were “tortured all day long.” For second graders to say that, she must have been really bad. I think it took her a half hour to read a story that should have taken five minutes. Some of my second graders could have read it better than her.

Yesterday, I had an awesome sub. It was the same one that I had during my adoption leave. She does a super job and I don’t even have to think about things when I am not there. She has great management skills too. I did have to get my lesson plans ready and typed out, but a good sub like her makes it bearable.

For every day I take off, there is quite a lot time I spend getting things ready. I’m sure any teacher who cares will tell you the same thing. So the next time you take a day off of work and don’t even have to think about things getting done, consider yourself lucky.

While it’s true that Thanksgiving is about overindulging in food, it’s also about, well, being thankful.  So, here’s a list of a few things I’m thankful for, in no particular order. 

1. Hearing a sweet little voice say, “I wuv you mommy” everyday.
2. The privilege of being a mother, a sister, a daughter, a best friend.
3. Inside jokes with my sister.
4. The fact that tomorrow I’ll get the chance to spend time with my daughter, my mom and my grandma.
5. My furry buddy, Hank, who faithfully curls up next to me at night and keeps my secrets.
6. My ever-growing family, including my newest brother-in-law.
7. Soul sistas.
8. Kit Kats.
9. Holding hands with my daughter as we walk together.
10. Friends that I can count on for a last-minute lunch, a heart-to-heart talk, a knowing glance or a funny tweet.
11. The fact that I love to read…and that I know how to read.
12. Having met Sophia’s birthmother in person.
13. Health insurance.
14. Not being afraid to cry.
15. Wireless, high-speed internet.
16. That I have a lot of opportunities and potential.
17. That my daughter has a lot of opportunities and potential.
18. The fact that I laugh a lot…including at myself.
19. My home, my haven.
20. Being an aunt.
21. Vietnamese egg rolls.
22. The time I’ve had with my grandparents.
23. The fact that I’m no longer in high school.
24. The fact that people trust me.
25. Those moments when someone says, “Sophia is just like you.”

I could go on and on.  The point, I think, is that it’s too easy to get caught up in the daily grind, in the quest to keep up with the Joneses, in petty disagreements, in trivial minutiae.  Far too easy.   There’s much to be thankful for.   So very much to be thankful for.

Two of my biggest blessings:

Whatever you do tomorrow, do this:  Be thankful and rejoice in  your blessings!

Leave your comments. This should be fun!

I came across this earlier this evening.  Now I know in consulting you aren’t supposed to talk to clients like this but sometimes it is necessary.  When I was in consulting I could name a few clients who had these “mind blowing ideas” and were assured to become rich if we only did a few things for free.  This is how I probably wold have preferred to deal with them instead of being strung along.  this email exchange is pretty funny and someone long but for anyone who has to deal with a-hole clients you will get a kick out of it.

Here is the link:

Email exchange

-

That’s right. We went as carolers! I actually did this a couple years ago with Ben and Sophie, but it was still cute.

We sang “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” at every door. Our greatest achievement was when we got a Hispanic man with a thick New York accent to leave the World Series and tell us how great we were, laughing and yelling “CAHrolers! They went as CAHrolers!”. Our low point was when we rang the doorbell, stood on the step, and waited while we watched a man fill up his glass at the sink. Eventually, his wife came to answer the door, and asked us if we were singing to everybody. We said yes; he said “I bet they pay you to stop”. Then after we got our candy their very small and annoying dog,  known as Coco, chased us down the driveway.

In our neighborhood, most people go to town to trick-or-treat, which means that all the new people buy way more candy than they need, and if you bother to trudge down their driveway you will be greatly rewarded. Gabrielle eloquently expressed this at one house by attempting to say “I love newbies!” as we walked down the steps, but misspoke and ended up saying “I love boobies!”.

We also got a lot of “So…do you know what holiday it is?” and “Did I miss something?”. I suggested that we go trick-or-treating at Christmas and see if we can score more candy, but Gabrielle said no. Then I suggested we go to the extremely conservative, Halloween-is-evil type Christians down the road and sing “Jesus Got Run Over By a Reindeer”, but she vetoed that too.

Her version here.

A short poem I wrote the other night…not very good….but i like it…

No more laughs, no more smiles
No more hugs, no more kisses…
No reason to stay
No reason to move on

The darkness always wins
Light is only in fairytales
The rain is cold and demolishes
Tears fall from my eyes

Come sweet dream
And take me away
Eternal pain: come and kill me!

Heaven was beautiful, just like you are
But I’m back in hell, and I’m gonna stay
Cuz for creatures like me, it is the only way…

An ode to Mrs. Carter in the vein of Rick Springfield’s “Jesse’s Girl”. Autotune? Check. Blind obsession for the Carters? Check. Love.

This dog has some issues. Lord have mercy.

So I was out of town recently. Catching up with friends, and I also went to see my Aunt. The usual conversation about why I’m not married yet, she has three sisters who are also unmarried, they are a bit older than me. She got married to my Uncle when she was 30, and I know she was struggling at the time to find a partner, so in a way she does empathise with what we are going through.

After the usual volley:

Stop being fussy – Why? I have every right to be.

Just get on with it – It’s all or nothing for me.

Go back home – This is my home!

You need to settle – For happiness and nothing less.

She then said to me something that her friend had suggested her sisters do.

That I should think about having my eggs frozen…because you know if you don’t find somebody straightaway, then at least you have your good eggs to fall back on.

Hmmm.

Now. I want to have babies, I adore children. Perhaps I will have ten or one, or even none. And that’s cool with me, it really is. But to freeze my eggs? an insurance policy for my ovaries?

What about my Kismet? What is written for me? I know somebody who miscarried, and her response was ‘I didn’t want it anyway’, and then it took her ten years to fall pregnant. And my other friend, he brother and sister-in-law were childless for eighteen years, and were happily settled and were content with their lot, and then she fell pregnant. Nothing short of a miracle they said, and a complete shock to both of them.

Whatever is to be will be Inshallah.

I know it’s food for thought. I really want to work a basket pun into this somewhere, but I’m too tired.

My thoughts drift off to far off fantastical  places – an island in the middle of the black star strewn sky, a forest underground, a plane flying me to a familiar middle of nowhere – then I am back home to reality.
I glance at the clock behind me, it is late. How long have I been dreaming? How much time has been pushed aside like garbage without a second thought? Do I even care?
My mind is in the kitchen now. In the chocolate cake that is yet to be created. It will be dark moist and melt in my mouth. It will make me wish I could eat as much as I wanted.

It is time to sleep now, wondering what to eat before fajr salah, for tomorrow is the day of Arafah… A day of fasting to have our sins of the past year and the coming year forgiven. I now know what I want forgiven the most – all those times I spent displeasing my Lord and all the times I could have uttered a tasbeeh to tip the scale of deeds in my favor rather than saying nothing and thinking useless or sinful thoughts.

The bill that is, after a potential partner meet up.

I never expect guys to pay, ever. But I’m always pleasantly surprised when they do. I usually say at the beginning ‘let’s go dutch’, just to get it out of the way. Some guys will insist on paying…if he says it a third time I will let him, and offer to leave a tip, or I make a point of getting it the next time, no arguments.

Also, when I meet a guy, I’m careful about not choosing an expensive high-end eatery. I don’t think it’s fair, as you don’t know what somebody can afford, I think 10-15 pounds per head is reasonable. Posh places are for the 3rd meeting onwards.

So. I met a guy a while ago. He was actually based near Manchester, about 20 mins away by car. We had chatted a few times, and as I was going to be in Manchester in a few weeks time to see family, I mentioned this, and said that if we were still chatting we could meet for coffee (or hot chocolate in my case. I don’t really drink coffee, and I’ve never had tea. I do like cold milk though, with a sprinkling of cinnamon)

So I was there, and he got in touch and wanted to meet. Our family weren’t staying far from Wilmslow Road…home to most of Manchester’s curry houses. I said I had already eaten, so it really was going to be a drink and nothing more on my part.

I arrived, and we went into a restaurant, I thought we would just have coffee and cake. I actually had an orange juice, as I was so full, that even a hot chocolate would be pushing it. He said he was peckish, so he ordered a mixed grill, and a drink. We chatted for a bit, the conversation was ok. Anyway, after he had finished and had dessert too, we asked for the bill. I don’t even know why I picked it up, as that’s what got me into bother the last time. He said ‘I think you should pay, it should be your treat’. I said ‘and why is that?’ He replied ‘because I was driving for 20 mins, and you were just down the road’.

I didn’t want to point out that I had actually driven for 4 hours the previous evening to get to Manchester.

So I smiled, and said ‘that’s fine’, and I paid up. We said our goodbyes, he didn’t offer to walk me to my car, and that was that.

The next day he text me to ask if we could meet again, and I said I didn’t think we were going to be compatible.

When I returned home we had an MSN chat where I explained I couldn’t possibly marry a man who let me pay for his meal. He said I was being petty and I would change my mind.

He still emails me every so often to ask me if I’ve changed my mind.

I know it’s petty, but frankly I don’t really care. Sometimes the really little things annoy me, depending on my mood. I thought he was being a jerk, and initially I thought he was joking. It’s not about the money at all, if he was a gentleman he would have at least offered to pay for his share, which by the way was about 90% of the total.

The other time I met somebody who was a recommendation from a friend. He was a Lawyer from nearby, and he suggested an expensive restaurant in town. Now, I suppose it was silly of me to assume that as he had suggested the place, he would be paying. (My cheap eats rule above?)

I had a drink and a main course. He had drinks, and two starters and a main, and a dessert. I couldn’t really go all out,I was a bit nervous, and I still had to act like a lady (which is why Nando’s is never a first date option)

Anyway, after the meal he asked for the bill, and when it arrived it just sat there. And the longer it sat there, I kept thinking about it, and the more I thought about it, the more awkward I felt. So I reached over for it, and then I reached down for my bag, and took out my purse. He just watched me the whole time. I wondered if he was actually going to say anything at all.

He didn’t. And after what seemed like ages, but in reality must have only been about 8 seconds, I said ‘ I’ll get this’ and he said ‘Oh ok, thanks’. I waved at the waitress so I could pay. It was a stupid amount of money, but I consider it a small price to pay, for not marrying the idiot.

He told my mutual friend afterwards that he thought I was good company etc. I told her he wasn’t my type, and that I wasn’t interested in seeing him again. She didn’t set me up with anybody else after that.

 ”You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.”
–Steve Martin
 

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
–Woody Allen
 

 ”Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”
–Rodney Dangerfield

 
“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.”
–George Burns

 
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
–Sharon Stone

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”
–Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
–Barbara Bush

“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
–Robin Williams

“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.”
– Roseanne

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
–Billy Crystal

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”
–Robert De Niro

 ” There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
–Dustin Hoffman