December 22, 2009 – Source:  examiner.com

Simon Cowell’s Leaving American Idol – Steven Joseph Responds

We know, you’re saying ‘Please say it isn’t so.” Reports by Radar Online state that Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol. According to the site, Simon Cowell’s brother inadvertently broke the news on his podcast ‘The Cowell Factor.’

Paula Abdul was never offered a new contract for 2009, and the 2010 season is set to introduce Ellen DeGeneres as a judge. Simon Cowell is reportedly leaving the show at the end of the 2010 season and will focus on a new series that he hopes will air in 2011.

The Ol' School

Simon Cowell’s contract expires in 2010 and he plans on bringing a version of the U.K. show X Factor to American television viewing audiences.

See complete article here.

Blog site editor Steven Joseph’s response follows:

Site Editor Steven Joseph

American Idol would do well to return to its family-friendly roots. Controversial “stars” such as Ellen do not fit into the family-friendly mold, nor do some of the more racier numbers seen performed on Idol in 2009.

Idol should take a cue from NBC’s Sing Off. Here the judges offered encouraging critiques and the show absolutely shined. There was zero obnoxious behavior or comments and the talent soared!

My vote, and I am a HUGE fan of Idol, is that NBC’s Sing Off airs directly in the same time slots as Idol in 2010 and shows the wavering Idol how family entertainment can and should be done.

Steven Joseph, Not afraid to not be PC
promotionsforLIFE.com
December 22, 9:57 PM

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Eager fans ready to line up at the Box Office for Studdard will be elated to find he is accompanied by other idol favorites such as the red-haired rocker Nikki McKibbin, Platinum Album artist Jasmine Trias, TV personality Brandon Rogers, Country ‘Cutie’ Haley Scarnato, and Aussie soul singer Michael Johns.

Every one of these stars reaped millions of viewers and tens of thousands of fans as finalists on the popular television show American Idol. These fans have proved their loyalty by continuing to follow the careers of these performers, including attending live concerts such as this.

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*The information posted herein has been provided to this blogger who has been compensated to disseminate same; and/or some of the views posted herein are the opinion of the blogger.

I kind of can’t believe that next week is Christmas. That seems a little nutso if you ask me. Luckily, I’m done with all my Christmas shopping and I’m ready, but I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of packing up and flying off to my parents house for the next few weeks.

After the festivities are over, the games have been played (over Dad’s strong objection) and the sleeping in has been had (over Mom’s strong objection) and all the presents have been opened and the gift bags safely stowed for next year’s gifts, I’ll still have something to look forward to. That’s right.

The 2010 American Idol season is just around the corner and as the promo shows us, “they all have to start somewhere”. Fortunately for us, “their” start is aired on national television. C’mon. You know you love it! 

A few thoughts and predictions for next year’s season that’s so rapidly approaching. After all, it seems like just yesterday that Kris Allen was crowned 2009’s winner and I was jumping up and down like a Mexican jumping bean all hopped up on sugar.

1.  First, we have the auditions to look forward to. I predict that our dear Ry-Ry will be less exhausted than last year and back to all his hosting glory. Not only that, but besides the jewels in the rough that squeak by with their yellow ticket to the golden gates of Hollywood, we get the crazy-with-a-dash-of-desperate idol hopefuls just BEGGING to be ridiculed. Of course, I’ll throw in a “bless their little heart” every once in a while so I’m not being cruel but this is going to be good. Let’s recall for a minute a few choice memories that we’ve gleaned over past seasons, shall we?

I especially enjoy two parts of this video…1:04 i’m-too-caught-up-in-the-emotion-of-this-song guy and 1:19 this-is-my-moment-to-shine girl. But the best part is the moments from 1:30 to 1:36. Now THAT’S an audition montage for you.

Reaching just smidge further back in our memory I bring you this next clip. Gosh, I wish I could just memorize one line and sing it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over…well, you get the picture. Now that’s annoying. But it’s classic!

But all poking fun aside, we also get this:

And this…

And a little of this…

And lest we forget, also this (pipe down, Simon!).

2.  SO, as we all know, Ellen DeGeneres will be making her American Idol judge debut this season. Now, I think she came on board AFTER the auditions, so this is really more of  a prediction for next next year. But just so it’s in writing somewhere…I think some Idol hopeful will bring in a pet that they’ve rescued into their audition to garner her vote to send them to Hollywood. I’m just sayin’. (“Here, Ellen, be mesmorized by my chick named Fluffy and don’t concern yourself with, you know, the train wreck vocals of this audition…”)

3.  I’m kinda interested to see how the judges verbal sparring changes this season. I wonder if Kara will learn how to control her willy-nilly finger pointing and general decibel level. I wonder if Simon will find ways to tick Ellen off. I wonder if Randy will insert another “catch phrase” into the mix to spice things up a bit. I wonder if Ellen will have anything of substance to say…besides being funny, of course. All these questions and more will be answered soon!

4.  I wonder if I will ever love a winner’s CD as much as I love Kris Allen’s? Um. no.

Hold on to your hats, folks…we’re in for a ride of a season! But don’t you worry. I”ll be here to take us through it every step of the way. Well, except the audition phase. That is, unless something REALLY funny happens. Also, Paula Abdul who?

Wishlist number 2

Oh I know I already made a wishlist. I am not being greedy here *cough* *cough*, this one’s different. I tried to be as selfless as I can be, and I was surprised to find out that that was possible. So before all those generousness and kindness spirits possess all of you, I’d like to share what I want to happen before Christmas, or even after– I am not that spoiled. And as much as I know that not one of these is even likely to happen, I still want to share what I wish for the world; for us Filipinos; and for us people who always have our eyes glued on our TV sets that may make people feel hopeful.. or stupid.

So friends, here is my “Less selfish and less expensive Christmas wishlist”:

• I wish American Idol producers would realize that Randy Jackson is an idiot and replacing him would do the world a big favor.

• I wish envelope boys (and girls) who claim to be Badjaos would stop begging people for money on jeepneys.

• I wish all the bigots in the Philippine government would die a slow and painful death realize that it’s almost 2010 and they should be more open minded.

• I wish Erap would realize that politics is not a good way of dealing with his late-life-crisis.

• I wish tobacco companies would increase the font size and screen time of the ‘Government Warning: Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health’ part in their advertisements.

• I wish Filipino policemen would realize that we are paying for their salaries so they have to treat us with respect; regardless if they have a gun or not.

• I wish that there would be a teleserye about gay men and women on primetime.

• I wish someone would shove his or her foot on Joey De Leon’s mouth every time he tries to speak on TV.

• I wish Filipino movie producers would stop making stupid comedies like ‘Ang Darling kong Aswang’ and ‘Nobody, Nobody, but Juan’ especially if they plan to end them with a ridiculous song.

• I wish Twilight fans would come to their senses and realize how annoying and stupid the series is.

• I wish stupid people would learn when to shut up.

• I wish scientists could invent coffee that can keep you awake physically and mentally.

• I wish Sen. Bong Revilla Jr. grows a brain.

• I wish random preachers would stop shouting in buses about ‘The Word of God’ especially when people are trying to get some sleep.

• I wish people would finally learn how to listen.

• I wish GMA7 would finally realize that they suck at adapting reality shows.

• I wish someone would tell Barney that he should dye himself another color because most likely, no purple dinosaur ever existed.

• I wish people who try to be ‘Emo’ by wearing dark eyeshadows and stuff would learn that they are eyesores.

• I wish there would be another meteor shower and one of them would hit Joey de Leon directly in the face.

• I wish Jamby Madrigal would realize that she doesn’t have a chance on being elected president and that she should just donate her campaign funds to charity.

• I wish TV producers would stop putting random star wannabes on our TV screens just because they slept with them or they look good.

• I wish ‘Indie’ film makers would realize that they should not use the word ‘Indie’ when they are actually making soft porn.

• I wish people would stop complaining of poverty when all they do is make more babies than they can feed.

• I wish government employees would realize that hey are not gods.

• I wish librarians would learn that it is ok to smile sometimes.

+++++

Oh and if you haven’t voted to the poll I created days ago, please vote. I would love to have as many votes cast on it as possible, just so I won’t look stupid when I try and make my point.

VOTE HERE

I love lists. Next year I’ll try and make three wishlists. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

This is a strange one, even by schlock-rock standards – imagine a cross between Rush and Led Zeppelin (plus a dash of Yes), complete with a lead singer who has absorbed the stylistic tics of the singers from each band.  Then, imagine said band playing a radio-slick fusion of hard rock, prog and AOR, deftly juxtaposing FM rock moves with AM pop hooks.  Zebra’s debut album offers this kinetic bundle of moods and styles  – and then some.

Zebra started in the mid-1970’s as a club band that spent years building up followings in New Orleans and New York, dividing their stage set between covers and originals.  By the time they got their record contract in 1983, they had created a schlock-rock fusion they could truly call their own.  Some of the songs on here were as much as five years old by the time they were recorded so each tune is highly polished, with every hook neatly arranged in its proper place.  The punters liked it, resulting in album that was Atlantic’s fastest-selling debut record of that era.

The big radio hits were “Tell Me What You Want,” a swaggering tune that has singer Randy Jackson doing his best Robert Plant banshee-wail over a stomping melody that pits cock-rock guitar riffs against sleek, Rush-style synths, and “Who’s Behind The Door?,” a truly bizarre mini-epic about alien encounters that starts off like Zep’s “Over The Hills And Far Away” but ends with a synth extravaganza that recalls the end of Close Encounters Of The Third Kind.  Amongst the album tracks, the goodies include “As I Said Before,” a tidy speed-rocker that could fit in on an early Rush album, and “The La La Song,” a tune that rises above its goofy title with a wild prog-rock arrangement full of head-spinning time changes.

The album further benefits from sleek yet muscular production by Jack Douglas (Aerosmith, Cheap Trick), so the whole thing sounds as confident and radio-ready as a greatest hits album.  Needless to say, this is not for those who can’t dig the influences name-checked in the first paragraph but fans of classic-rock radio will feel like they have discovered a transmission from the Classic Rock station on Bizarro World.

The Crew was out today in support of the lighting of the national Christmas tree.  It was a very cool event, as we had some big names come out to the WDC.  First family and the Vice President were on hand (of course), Jordan Sparks, Common, Randy Jackson, and Sheryl Crow to name some others.  Oh, and can’t forget about Old Saint Nick….

Jordan Sparks

Common (in the background, black jacket, pumping fist… ok, we had a not-so-high-tech camera!)

Mr. and Mrs. Saint Nick

Just when I thought ninjas and dance shows were all played out, I spot these funky ninjas dancing to James Brown on America’s Best Dance Crew. Sending the message out to the ninja community that violence is not the solution. Dance is.

When in trouble, whether it’s over a sinking economy, a highly unpopular health care plan, terrorist attacks on our own soil, climategate, spending us into oblivion, and countless other instances of fraud, deceit, and failure…

CREATE A DIVERSION! Enter: Tareq and Michaele Salahi… AKA “The Party Crashers”.

“Party Crashers” had five-year relationship with Obama before state dinner
Article: Canada Free Press

While the big gun media and American Secret Service are out there investigating “party crashers” Tareq and Michaele Salahi, no one’s telling the truth: Obama knew the Salahis when he was still an Illinois senator.

Polo Contacts Worldwide could make it easy for the investigating Secret Service by brown-enveloping them this picture:

Oh my God. He’s holding a Gobson Les Paul. It says “ROCK THE VOTE”. This disgusts me.

Hey Secret Agent Man, here’s Obama, the senator flashing his pearly whites with Randy Jackson, better known as a judge on American Idol. “Others pictured are Black Eyed Peas Rock Band; Tareq Salahi the President of the America’s Polo Cup; President Elect Obama, Fergie from Black eyed Peas and Michaele Salahi, posing this time as a former Miss USA and SuperModel.”

Interesting little detail for White House gumshoes: As the above photo was published in June 2005, Barack Obama was still Senator Obama and not the President Elect.

And with Michaele Salahi yesterday having been caught out—Facebook pompoms notwithstanding—as a bogus cheerleader for the Washington Red Skins and not a model for Victoria’s Secret as claimed, Canada Free Press (CFP) leaves it to FoxNews.com to find out if she ever was a “former Miss USA”.

We do know for a fact that among the slew of memberships on charitable boards, Tareq Salahi is a former member of The American Task Force on Palestine (ATFP). The only way to know for a fact is because even though ATFP scrubbed all references to Salahi as a board member, he can still be found on Google cache. (Canada Free Press)

Sad that White House Secret Service are looking like Keystone Kops in the aftermath of Obama’s very first state house dinner in the tent.

Google has a thing for scrubbing anything that might shine a negative light on BHussein. They even removed the term “climategate” from their drop down search menu. It was there several days ago.

While the media is fixated on the hitch in Michaele Salahi’s git-along, there can be no doubt that these recently minted “party crashers” really get around.

We take you back to June 9, 2005 when Tom Nelson, operating officer of AARP, was summing up the Rock the Vote Awards night. According to the Washington Post “everyone from Sens. John McCain and Barack Obama to “American Idol” judge Randy Jackson and R&B singer Mya gathered in the National Building Museum’s Great Hall:

“You were probably wondering, as you sat down at your table, ‘What the heck is the AARP doing in a Rock the Vote Event?’” Nelson noted.

Time would soon tell that the AARP would show up in other fishy places.

And if there is anyone who must know that this weekend’s party crasher story is a crock it’s John McCain who was at the Vote Awards Night, and who along with Barack Obama, was honored with the Rock the Nation Award, Obama “for forming a multiracial coalition in winning his seat”.

McCain was handed his award for “his work on campaign finance reform”. “Just call me Funk Master McCain,” he told the audience of 1,000 in accepting his award.: (washingtonpost.com, June 9, 2005.

Hey, McCain. How about you stop cheezin’ it up over an award and tell BHussein how to work on a GODDAMN BUDGET. Yeah, I get it. Fat chance.

Meanwhile, don’t know why Obama’s long time associates possibly could be mistaken for party crashers when they came into the tent with a Bravo Reality TV Show “Real Housewives of DC” professional camera crew and makeup artist in tow unless he was hoping for a Reality gig for wife Michelle, CBS celebrity Katie Couric or Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel.

Well, at least they didn’t use their child as a tool in order to get a spot on a Reality TV show. We ALL remember BALLOON boy. Fucking idiots.

Obama could end the “party crasher” goose chase for White House Secret Service in a proverbial New York Minute by coming clean on his almost 5-year-old social/political relationship with Tareq and Michaele Salahi.

It could save money in these recessionary times and put an end to the drama of Washington’s “unprecedented” first state dinner in a tent.

Wait; did THIS CanadaFreePress journalist just use “Obama” and “save money” in the same article? COME ON, NOW.

As I was about to call it a day, I saw a video link from a Facebook Page I joined called “Definitely Filipino” about the CNN Hero of the Year. It say’s: Acceptance speech of OUR 2009 CNN HERO and the thumbnail picture of Efren Penaflorida was attached to it.

Prior to being feted as such, Efren is relatively unknown. At such a young age of 28, he has accomplished something that not many people his age or even older had accomplished or will ever accomplish in their entire life..that is, changing the lives of others–for the better.

He created the group called “Dynamic Teen Company” which aims to teach basic reading and writing to children living on the streets in the hope that it will be a diversion to hooking up into gang activities like vandalizing, bullying others or even raping young girls.

Their classroom is a ubiquitous push cart wherein volunteers teach children with age ranging from 2-14 years old. Since 1997, approximately 10,000 members had taught over 1,500 “children of the slums”. To sustain this activity, they make and sell crafts or collecting items to recycle.

Moreover, those children that they taught upon getting the inspiration to learn more and strive to have a better life has also become volunteers for future students.

CNN selected 10 nominees for this year’s Hero of the Year which is now on it’s 3rd year. These Heroes as what the tagline says “Ordinary People, Extraordinary Impact” was selected by a distinguished panel comprising of leaders and humanitarians such as Gen. Colin Powell, Whoopi Goldberg, Sir Elton John, Phil Jackson, Shakira among others.

The Gala Tribute attended by an audience of 3,000 was held in Kodak Theatre, Hollywood last Saturday, November 21 and will have its premiere on Thanksgiving, November 26.

Apart from the prestigious recognition, Efren received USD 100,000 to continue his advocacy. More than 2.75 million votes were received online in CNN.com in a span of 7 weeks. Proof of the impact CNN Heroes of the year has brought us in 3 years time.

Presenters include Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson, Neil Patrick Harris, Pierce Brosnan, Dwayne Johnson, Eva Mendes, Randy Jackson, Greg Kinnear, George Lopez and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Here is Efren’s acceptance speech. While delivering it, he was visibly shaken and emotional maybe upon realizing he won such a great recognition and soon will be watched by millions of people worldwide.

“Our planet is filled with heroes, young and old, rich and poor, man, woman of different colors, shapes and sizes. We are one great tapestry,” Peñaflorida said upon accepting the honor. “Each person has a hidden hero within, you just have to look inside you and search it in your heart, and be the hero to the next one in need.”

“So to each and every person inside in this theater and for those who are watching at home, the hero in you is waiting to be unleashed. Serve, serve well, serve others above yourself and be happy to serve. As I always tell to my co-volunteers … you are the change that you dream as I am the change that I dream and collectively we are the change that this world needs to be.”

His speech is short but so meaningful and inspirational. May this recognition give him and his team more energy and passion to continue helping needy children have the education they deserve. It is such a pride and honor to the Filipino people to be given such award. Hope this would also open the eyes of many of us to help someone in need whenever we can. All the small efforts we exerted can be a life-changing experience for others.

For the full story of the CNN Hero of the Year gala night, please click the link below.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/11/16/cnnheroes.tribute.show/index.html

Update: According to ABS-CBN news report, Efren said 90% of the prize money will go to his organization and the remaining 10% to the Church and none for him..really a selfless act. May your tribe increase.

Mabuhay ka Efren! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas! Mabuhay ang lahing  Pilipino!

Jackie Jackson

Es el hermano mayor de Michael Jackson e integrante del grupo familiar

Tito Jackson

El segundo hermano del clan Jackson, era el guitarrista de los Jackson Five

Jermaine Jackson, otro de los hermanos Jackson. Fue integrante de la banda familiar hasta que el grupo cambio de casa de discos  y él se quedó como solista en la Motown

Marlon Jackson

Es el hermano que va por delante de Michael, compartian un vinculo especial entre ellos. Era vocalista de la banda

  Randy Jackson

Es el pequeño de los hermanos Jackson. Sustituyó a Jermanine cuando dejó la banda

Berry Gordy

Fundador de la casa de discos Motown. Contrató a los Jackson Five en la década de los sesenta

Quincy Jones

Productor de Michael Jackson. Colabaró con el Rey del Pop en los siguientes discos: Off The Wall, Thriller, Bad .

Talk show host Ellen DeGeneres will join American Idol as the shows new, fourth judge, after the auditions have been casted. Ellen will join the show, as a part of the judges’ pannel. Ellen is very excited to join the show along with former judges, Simon Cowel, Kara DioGuardi, and Randy Jackson. I personally think that Ellen will be an excellant addition to the American Idol group. Ellen has always been known as a comical talk show host and many people believe that she will add spunk and character to the show. I believe that Ellen will definitely give her own unique perspective on the upcoming contestants. I cannot wait for the season 9 of American Idol to begin. Hopefully Ellen will do a great job as the new edition to the show!

shortntweetnews Check out the electrifying new single from American Idol’s Adam Lambert. Love the song! The album cover, not so much.

This shit better be good. I got high hopes, tonight, Idol, high hopes. I even saved a Percocet for this crap.

So the other night, while watching the Oscars, I came up with the best idea. Seacrest totally needs to hook up with Jennifer Aniston in either a biblical or a beard way. Doesn’t matter. Those two belong together.

Alexis Grace, Michael Sarver and Danny Gokey are in the audience, of course. Who else hates Alexis’ hair? 15-year-olds who frequent Hot Topic would even laugh at that crap coif.

Kara DioGuardi totally got Juvaderm-ed since last week and Randy Jackson is still wearing little kid jewelry.

Oh how surprising. Frau favorite Adam Lambert is in the pimp spot.

Jasmine Murray
Love Song

You’re 16. Chill on the tranny cake makeup set. Luckily, Murray has at least toned the lipstick down a bit this evening and gone with a more neutral gloss. I don’t care much for this song anyway, but the beginning of it was kind of rough. That being said, Murray has decent stage presence for a teenager and even with the rough notes, she is entirely more appealing than say, Syesha Mercado. And points for actually doing something new.

Randy thinks she should have done Rihanna. Why? Because she’s black. Of course that shit was pitchy. Kara babbles on about her register. They’re all bashing her for her song choice, it wasn’t youthful enough or something. Which I don’t really understand, but…Simon nails it with his critique. I’ve also heard the word commercial more times in two minutes than I typically hear during an ANTM judging pow-wow.

Jasmine is gone, but don’t be too sad. The kid has a bright future and will likely get into any college she wants.

Matt Giraud
Viva la Vida

The dueling piano player from Kalamazoo is almost guaranteed a spot in the Top 12. Frauen love him. Tweens like him. Megachurch fundies dig him. Even quasi-famous lesbians love them some Giraud.

Giraud is wearing the white shoes apparently gifted to every male contestant upon making the semifinals. I’ve seen those nasty things on Greasy Constantine, Gokey and now Giraud.

Giraud gets props from me because he sings Coldplay. Already, with just two performers, the song choices are better than any Idol episode I have ever seen. I don’t even like Love Song, but it is better than hearing some idiot destroy a perfectly good Heart song for the umpteenth time. Even if they suck, like both Murray and Giraud kind of do, it’s still better than a lot of the other suckage I’ve heard.

Giraud was kind of fun but the cheesy Idol ending nearly ruined all of it for him. Kara tells him he shouldn’t be singing that song because he is a “bluesy, soulful guy”. Whatever, she’s just pissed because they showed his girlfriend in the audience. Paula is obviously flaunting another ring from her Paula Abdul Jewelry line. No wonder these kids sing shit songs all the time. They try to do something new and they’re ridiculed. Alas. You can never win.

Matt Giraud is the new Michael Johns. I predict a surprise seventh place boot.

Frau Factor
9

I think I just heard some of Cook’s Cougars join yet another message board.

Jeanine Vailes
This Love

Vailes has had oh, almost zero airtime. She’s actually kind of likable in her pre-song interview and we also learn she is a bartender. Props for sin!

Vailes’ song is by Maroon 5, not what the spoilers had listed for her. I like it when people sing out-of-gender songs, but Vailes outfit is horrible and uh, she kind of sucks. Which kind of makes me sad because she’s kind of likable and Jeanine, we hardly knew ya. The backup singers are drowning her out in some parts. She’s all over the place. And both her dancing and attire reminded me of the tuxedo-clad twins — Mirror Image — who were in the Dance TV finals against the Debutwat and Sarah Jessica Parker & Lee Montgomery in the classic film, Girls Just Want To Have Fun.

Adam Lambert needs to sing Q-Feel’s Dancing in Heaven. Christ, what an underrated song.

Slow. Slow. Quick-Quick-Slow.

I hear the universe sing the celestial swing.

You know you’re frakked when Paula starts with, “Great legs”. She defers to Simon, who agrees about the legs but says it was a horrible song choice. Randy says the best part was the end because it was over. Props to Jeanine who says she’s been “flying under the radar”. Yes, sweetie, you have, so if someone close to you died bust that shit out now because it’s your last chance! But all she’s got is good legs and a dream, she just wants a shot, damnit. Poor sweet cannon fodder Jeanine. I am almost moved to vote for her.

YES! YES! YES! After the break…will it be Nick or Normund. Christ, I love this man. He is the best thing to ever happen to this shit show.

Nick Mitchell / Normund Gentle
And I’m Not Going

I usually hate people who do songs perfected by other Idol contestants, namely the good ones like Jennifer Hudson. But Normund Gentle has arrived. He is pure poetry in motion. Neither Keats nor Michaelangelo could have even grasped the unadulterated beauty of one Normund Gentle. No one has ever worked the stage like the beautiful, beautiful god-like creature. NO ONE. This man deserves and Emmy, an Oscar, a Grammy  and even his own cult (I’m looking at you, Gokey!)

Normund Gentle is the ONLY true HOT and ANOINTED one! Look at the crowd! THEY LOVE THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN! THEY LOVE HIM!!!

This man is perfection unlike anything I have ever seen. His father also looks like Jon Voight.

Simon is at a loss for words. He so cannot admit the love he feels for Normund Gentle. Normund’s parents are not amused by Simon’s antics. Randy tells him it was one of the most entertaining performances EVER. Damn straight, dawg. That’s the only time I’ll ever give you props. None of you can deny the beauty of this man so don’t even try! Even Seacrest just kind of outed himself because of Normund’s exquisite beauty.

Frau Factor
5+

Normund Gentle, I will be one of your frauen. I will tard over you for all eternity.

Allison Iraheta
Alone

Isn’t this the elder-love chick?  I think I’m confused. This chick hangs out at the local Hot Topic and the only thing her dress is missing is a Boy Toy belt. She’s singing Heart’s Alone, which pretty much should be retired from the Idol stage since Carrie Underwood killed it 4 years ago. I don’t even like Carrie Underwood, but her version was sick. I kind of like Alison’s voice, and I love the song but…I don’t know if this is memorable. Especially after the beautiful and exquisite Normund. But it’s good. She is real good. She’s more Kelly Clarkson-ish AND has semi-unironic Manic Panic hair unlike oh,  Miss Alexis Grace.

As much as I love this song, I sometimes torture people with my drunken karaoke rendition, because you know, it just speaks to me.

I kind of want to like Alison because I think she might actually be a semi-bad chick. Three cheers for sin! The judges adore her. Paula even throws out the tired “telephone book” line.

Kris Allen
Man in the Mirror

Hot Fundy Boy from Arkansas is most likely  cannon fodder, which is why he was probably encouraged to sing Michael Jackson. I’m starting to think they tell the cannon fodder to sing the Whitney, the Michael Jackson, the et al of schlocky diva pop.

Ugh, this song is preachy and those good-looking Fundy kids just freak me out. You can tell this kid is a megachurch singer. Don’t you feel like you’re at a megachurch right now? A little bit? Oh come on, you know you do. I do.

Groan. Kara chides him for choosing the wrong song. Wrong song. Why don’t you choose their damn songs from the get-go? Paula disagrees. She thinks Hot Fundy Boy nailed it. SIMON AGREES WITH HER! Are we visiting another megachurch next week?

Frau Factor
7.5

Creepy Adults for Archuleta and a handful of Claymates just felt their heart go THUD.  You see Jesus in him, right? He’s an Evangelical from Arkansas who Simon just pimped. This cannot end well.

(ETA: NOVEMBER 27, 2009 — I take it all back!)

Meghan Joy Corkrey
Put Your Records On

I like Meghan Corkrey. But now I hear she wants to drop the Corkrey and go by Meghan Joy. Ugh. And WHAT HAS SHE DONE WITH HER HAIR? This chick has tatt sleeves, for chrissake. Now she’s looking all Pollyanna with lighter hair tumbling past her shoulders in ringlets.

Ok. It’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I thought she was going all Brooke White on us. And this chick has a sick voice. I don’t even want to hate her, that’s how genuinely talented I think this chick is. I don’t even feel like making fun of her for being Mormon. I mean, I’m sure I will later, but for now I can’t really take fault with her whatsoever. They all like her, Kara starts talking about her getting the “right song” on the radio. I’m going to start taking shots every time I hear that chick say “right song”.

Matt Breitzke
If You Could Only See

Welder Bear is going to sing! Welder Bear! I like Welder Bear.  Welder Bear is singing Tonic. He is a total bar singer. I think Welder Bear is better than Michael Sarver, to be honest. While this song sounds exactly like something I would hear in a bar, it is still better than a lot of what we heard last week.

Simon really likes him, but he hated the song. He’s frustrated. Welder Bear says he disagrees. I like Welder Bear. Everyone likes Welder Bear. Yeah, it was boring. But it was better than well, most of everything we saw last week. Welder Bear is sweating. I always get a kick out of sweaty bald heads for some reason, ever since I saw the sweat wipes for bald men at CVS.  Awwww…I like you, Welder Bear.

Frau Factor
6

I know he has frauen, but he needs the Bear lovers to get off their asses and vote.

Jesse Langseth
Bette Davis Eyes

Single mom and singer of a Grammy-winning blues artist, Langseth has the kind of voice I like in female singers, but I kind of hate her white trash clothes. I’m actually kind of amazed how many people I don’t hate tonight. This could be the best episode of Idol I’ve ever seen, to be honest. Of course, no other episode has ever contained the beauty of Normund Gentle, so I am a bit biased.

I like how she counters Randy’s criticism by asking what he means by more. I just don’t know if she’ll make it after seeing Meghan Corkrey and Alison Iraheta. Hell, I’m even impressed by this chick’s musical knowledge, how she talks about a song. Of course, she’s had zero pimping. But Paula thinks she’s still cool, even if Simon thinks she’s forgettable.

Kai Kalama
What Becomes of the Broken Hearted

YAY! Our boy High Kalama is up! I’m kind of excited, since we’ve hardly seen any Citizen Kai. I totally like this guy, of course, I worry what the Castro Frauen will do to him, obviously. Nice job, Kai, of getting your mom in the audience. You’ve been watching, haven’t you? You know what a tragic back story can do for votes.

I think Kalama has a solid voice. Kara wants to bang him, even if she bashes his song choice. I think Kai needs to stick around. Paula wants to bang him, even if he falls off pitch. Simon thinks it was corny and old-fashioned. He even says it would be heard at a hotel or wedding. Randy agrees. Whatever. They’re just jealous because the ladies want to get High with Kalama.

I hope Kai comes back in the wild card. Castro Frauen, start voting, damnit! Make your batshit crazy selves uselful! Kalama also is from Hawaii, a state notorious for their support of hometown Idol contestants

Frau Factor
7

The Castro Frauen could fall in love with this guy. Have they seen the clip of him on the uke?

Mishavonna Henson
Drops of Jupiter

I guess her voice is good. But I kind of don’t like this chick. This whole performance seems to forced. It seems churchy. YES! Of course. This was dull, forced, uh…it was boring.

The judges kind of have the same sentiments. Simon was left cold. They don’t know what a Drop of Jupiter is, of course, neither do I. Since you guys are calling her too old for her age, I hope you do the same for Taylor Zuckerman next week.

If you put me through, you’ll get to see the crazy.

Adam Lambert
Satisfaction

The moment his frauen have been waiting for. The Idol producers are ridiculously obvious in their pimping this year. Gay vs. God. Let’s do it.

Camp it up, bitch, camp it up! Of course, it really doesn’t matter what he sings. He also did an almost crotch-grab! On family TV! Yes, Lambert, yes! I like this guy, he’s no Normund Gentle (but then again, who is?), but I like the glam rock style. I will also love laughing at all the women who swear up and down about him being on-so-very straight.

So can the Idol contestants request their high-definition background graphics? Because Gokey had clouds behind him last week and Lambert has got a rainbow test pattern setting the stage. See? I told you. GAY VS. GOD.

Lambert is a performer. He is also a sinner, so he deserves your vote! Paula is on her feat and nearly foaming at the mouth. Simon cannot decide if he is bad or brilliant. Randy calls him dawg and says he loves him because he is the most now contestant they’ve ever seen. He also calls him a combination of Steven Tyler, Fall Out Boy and Twilight’s Robert Patterson. Christ, Randy, you had to go and get all those Twilight-loving tweens, teens & tards on this guy’s ass even more. Lambert helps his cause. He says he LOVES Twilight. He doesn’t even need a tragic back story.

Frau Factor
10+

Pimp Spot + Arriving with to the Top 36 with Fraus +  Twilight mention + Inevitable Rosie O’Donnell endorsement = This man will be followed by frauen for the rest of his days

Tonight was better than uh, most every night on Idol. However, the evening belonged to the magnificent HOT and ANOINTED Normund Gentle.

Let’s watch his greatness again, shall we?