Paramore - Having finally announced an NZ show, they still haven't come up with the candy.

Over the last week or so there have been several music related things that have just ground my gears – I feel this may become a weekly thing, a series perhaps? Yay or Nay?

Chris Brown – Lil Wayne is not going to revive your career and if I can transform ya is a metaphor for your career, stop now because there is no way anyone will respect you any more, no matter what Phil Bostwick says. You sucked in the past, you suck in the present and the future doesn’t look very bright either.

Paramore are coming to NZ – the announcement came last week over twitter, but any details are still forthcoming. You’ve announced. You’re fans want to know the deets. Hurry up already. People have been waiting a long time for this – I know I have.

And what was with that pitiful second announcement for the BDO? Are they serious? They needed to announce a few more big headliners and everyone knows that the third announcement won’t have anyone big, just the little Kiwi and Aussie bands, which most aren’t worth seeing. This round – I’m only keen for Jet and The Veils. Then there is the controversy with Beanie Man – are they going to announce another act to replace him? Seriously. FFS.

Sean Kingston is back. I wish he wasn’t. Especially when he is number eight on the NZ top 40. Say what!? And what is up with the video? A cartoon version? Someone help us.

However, absolutely loving Gin “Oh My”. Enough said.

Finally picked up the New Moon soundtrack. First listen I wasn’t that impressed, but it is growing on me slowly. The music is different from the Twilight soundtrack, but as New Moon takes a sudden turn, the music fits the 180. Look forward to seeing the movie later in the week (!!!). Will post reviews of both when I get around to it.

Rant: DONE.

The title says it all, but I’m going to expand on a theme that a very dear friend of mine has brought up.

I’m sitting here, being fucking miserable. I used to smile, blot my tears away, and hope the world wouldn’t see. I’d recoil in shame as my grief seeped through the filter I put up. I didn’t want anyone to know about that scourge on my soul. I still beared the pall of shame. I was carrying my own fucking casket.

So, I’m asking: “What is so shameful about grieving over loss?” Does it really make everyone else that uncomfortable? The answer is a big fat YES. I’m seeing past the smokescreen, and I don’t see why I should sit silently in pain, sparing others. This was of no fault of my own, so why should I suffer in silence?

I learn to be dainty and accept this bucket of shit with grace, smiling graciously and hoping the world won’t see how it stains my apron.

I’m no longer going to worry about the stains on my prairie patterned quilts. I’m going to writhe on the ground, smearing myself with blood and shit. I’m going to thrash my limbs about and wail as loud as I can. I’m going to throw poop. I’m going to scream.

“HE ABUSED ME! HE TOUCHED ME! HE FUCKING MOLESTED ME! HELP! RAPE! MURDER!! SOMEONE FUCKING STOP HIM! HE’S CRAZY AND HE’LL DO IT AGAIN, MAYBE THIS TIME TO SOMEONE YOU GIVE A SHIT ABOUT! MAYBE TO YOU!!” I didn’t get to say it then, so I’m saying it now. I never got that cathartic release.

You. He’s still out there, and he’s still a fucking menace. “Oh, but it was sooo long ago, what’s all this fuss about?”

So, just because he molested me for 5 years, but time has passed… he’s magically no longer capable of molesting? The time in between confers some sort of laudable self-restraint that normal people already come equipped with? So, just because he acted normal for the time after, which normal people do anyway, we should just forget it? He won’t randomly pull the Jekyll/Hyde act he became so infamous for?

Right. He’s safe now. There’s no danger. It’s not like he has not proven what he’s capable of. And he got away with it. He was never punished. He probably thinks he’s safe. He thinks he’s entitled to anybody’s body, so what makes you, or your children, special? They’re not. You’re not. You don’t come with a get out of hell free card, and you don’t have some magic protective bubble.

So no, I’m not going to sit here and be quiet for your comfort, and for “decency”. I’ll deal as I see fit. If you don’t like it, get out of my way. If you’re not going to help, you’re only going to impede me.

I won’t be a “model victim/survivor”. What he did to me was in no way “model”, yet you somehow expect me to be so charming, dainty, and above all, SILENT as I cope. So subservient to what YOU need. To not show my pain, because it makes you contemplate the horror for 3 seconds before you go about your day. You did nothing to protect me, yet you have these high fucking standards. Fuck your standards.

And above all, fuck you! I’m going to take a fucking shit on your perfect world of silence and lies, so get a mop and a bucket, bastards!

So, as our faithful readers are probably aware, our guild is currently recruiting.  In case of any of you bright, awesome, and intelligent people decide to work up the courage to try and spend a bit more time with Seri and myself, I’d just like to give a cautionary tale to keep in mind before you do so.  That tale can be summed up in a single sentence: Just because all the odds seem to be in your favor doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed to make it to the interview and beyond.

Okay, to backtrack.

As you probably know, I’m the healing team lead of Axiom.  We’re recruiting healers, and have actually been getting a few good apps in.  Now, an application is your chance to make a good first impression, so a certain amount of talking yourself up is to be expected.  But there’s a good way of doing that and a bad way of doing that.  Talking yourself up to a guild in a way that makes them want to get to know you better involves stressing your positives, especially in a way that doesn’t rely entirely on putting others down to do so.

This application I’m referencing had, on the surface, all the stars in allignment.  It was an applicant from our server, our faction, and returning to the game after a hiatus.  We are recruiting his class.  He typed in complete sentences.  These are all positives.  Being local and horde means that in an iffy situation, we’re more likely to say yes and give you an initiate period.  We’re generally nice people and don’t want to waste time and (your) money on a transfer if we have concerns.  Being local gives you a toe in the door, if not a foot.  And returning to the game after a hiatus means while your gear might need some work, we’re not leaving any of our friends’ guilds in a lurch by yoinking someone from their raid team roster.  Additionally, this person was a friend of a friend of a former raider, who left the guild (the good way) a few months ago because RL was eating his time.

So why with all that going for him did he get a decline before he could even interview?

The answer lies primarily in a single sentence: “Most <applicant’s class> healers suck, so I enjoy healing against them.”

I’m a healing lead, I read that and instantly went no, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Okay, so…  Meters aren’t a competition.  This isn’t to say they’re not useful, but their utility is NOT in proving you’re so much better than everyone else around you.  It’s always said that raiding is a team sport, and that’s true, but it’s true exponentially moreso of healing.  In a team activity, you do not play against your teammates. You play with them in a trust game.  You trust them to know what they’re doing and to ask for help if needed.  You trust me to know what I’m doing in giving out assignments.  And if things go wrong, you trust everyone to work together to fix it.

“But Jov,” asks the kind and gentle ones in the audience, “why do you assume he’s talking about meters?” It’s quite simple– what does ever dps’er in your pug do at the end of every pull to show off how much they pwn?  They link the meters.  It doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to guess that’s what he’s talking about when speaking of the suck of others.

“Does that mean it’s wrong to top the meters?” No, so you trees can let out that breath you’ve been holding.  There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with being on the top of the meter.  It’s a listing.  Someone is going to be on the top.  Someone is going to be on the bottom.  That’s how lists work.

“If your place on the meter doesn’t really matter, why should healers even care about them?” Meters are there for self-analysis (or my analysis, I suppose) and personal improvement.  The easiest way to do that is to just look at what you’re doing.

“I don’t know how to read a meter, there’s too much information.  I don’t know what I’m looking for.” There’s really two ways of doing this:  the easy way and the hard way.  I’m a big fan of the easy way.  Pull up a boss fight, look at yourself.  What spells are you casting?  What spells aren’t you casting?  Think about your assignment on that fight, and think about why you made the spell choices you did.  Now, pull someone else of your class/spec for that same fight.  (WoL is excellent for this, since you can search by server.  Find someone roughly at your level of progression.)  Look at their spell choices for that fight.  Now do it again.  If whoever you’re checking seems to have the same spell priorities as you, you’re probably doing it right, regardless of your place (or their place) on the meter.  If your useage is different, some of that can be do to raid composition, but you might want to try out what you’ve seen.

“I’m using the same spells, at roughly the same priority.  But I’m at the bottom and X is at the top!” There’s a lot of things which can account for meter position, but the biggest culprit is going to be one of two things:  lag and overstacking of healers.  Lag is the most unfortunate, and the one I can sympathize with most.  But to put it simply, if you’re running at a higher ping or lower framerate than your raid-mates, chances are they’re going to get the heal off before you do.  More of your heal will be overage, more of their heal will be effective.  They’ll move up the meter compared to you.  Overstacking healers also tends to lead to jumps in effective healing.  Unlike DPS, who can do damage and do damage and do damage until the boss is dead, healers can only heal as much damage as has been taken.  The reason fewer and fewer healers are needed as content goes on farm isn’t a matter of the healing power of the healers increasing from gear as much as it is the incoming damage becomes less as the tanks gear up and the raid is more comfortable with the encounter dynamics, reducing raid damage.  In that situation, it can feel very much like a race sometimes to see who can get the heal off first.

“After all that, I still want to know what’s wrong with wanting to top meters, it just means I’m wanting to do better, right?” No, no it doesn’t.  It goes back to that trust issue I mentioned above.  If you try to top the meter, you’re going to do that by trying to do your job and everyone else’s at the same time.  That means I as the healing lead (and 23 other people in the raid) can’t trust you to keep your assignment first in your mind.  I’m not talking about X Priest only healing group 2; I’m talking about X Priest keeping group 2 as their top priority and only tossing hots/prom/coh/shields on g4 if g2 is stable.  If your focus is on outhealing PallyZ, that is where your focus is, not on G2’s health.

So if you’re wanting to apply to Axiom, tell me how awesome you are.  Don’t tell me that everyone else sucks and you’ve got the recount screenshot to prove it.  That’s much more likely to get you an interview.

it’s been a while, i’ve been stewing. my program has finally come to an end and i am getting things sorted here in this corner of the interwebs. i am getting a proposal together for a grant here in brisbane. if accepted i would receive rehearsal space and a shared evening produced. i’m not going to jinx myself by over sharing but wish me luck.

here are the things distracting me as of late:  as the holidays approach i am looking for creative and economic gifts for family, my graduation from grad school is in a month, getting the proposal together or submission, digging my house out of the rubble of a 6 week student teaching experience, digging my health out of a 6 week student teaching experience, being present and moving at a medium pace, writer’s block.

i promise to be back and focused soon.

The previous post was my first post in a while.

About that:

I was a Sergeant in the U.S. Army when I began this blog.

Being opinionated, or intelligent or any combination of the two is anathema in that particular ludicrously funded tax-payer ass-fucking at this time and place.

But I’m back now, and I don’t care who knows it (good thing, huh).

Caveat:

Just because I a announce my service doesn’t mean I welcome you funny looking, dumb haircut having, redneck assholes to share your religiously suppressed opinions.

So…

If your the type of asshole I had to call ‘Sir’ or ‘Sergeant Major’…

And still feel like your wit and wisdom as a member of the only place that would support you, your whore wife and your half-retarded (probably half-yours) kids matters:

Then please place your particular theories on how to do a proper push-up from the front-leaning rest in a box, then go fuck yourself.

Enjoy your place in the organization that automatically promoted you over and over, so you could take your place as one of histories greatest military losers, but fuck off from me.

Here’s the link your looking for.

If you don’t like that link, but you still had a problem with this rant, then just kill yourself or perhaps go fight the terrible ‘Hajjis’ who I know, and you know, you couldn’t ACTUALLY be fighting if you have the time or $100 KBR (Republican) bandwith to talk to me.

By the fucking by, my liberal, pansy-ass actually fired my weapon in anger asshole.
Out.

So I’m starting to see a trend in stats.

Women complaining about men. Men complaining about women. Love lost, spilled milk, and tons of lemons.

But now I’m seeing men posting stats referencing Chris Brown’s Transform Ya, really?

Most of the complaints from women are about men that don’t do all that they promise.

Men are complaining about how deep in their pockets women are.

So why is it now they want to transform these chicks?

You DON’T want no a gold digger, but you tryna flaunt that you aint no broke ninja?

I’m confused, is it me or were women just oh so independent last week?

And is it me or were men trading places not too long ago?

I’m just saying. Do you want to transform these hoes or not?

Most likely not, as soon as  Jay- Z comes out with another problem and a b*tch aint one.

So in saying all of this I just want to say, F*ck Outta Here decepticon transformer a$$ ninja.

Today you’re baller tomorrow you’re a bench warmer. Either way you’re getting paid so these ladies dont care either way but these promises of transforming b*tches is f*cking it up for yourself.

And they say women don’t know what they want. Pfftt… FOH

This is a rant.

I just…need to get this off my chest cause I’m so sick and tired of it.

so if you think, “Oh, she’s having one of her moments…” just MOVE ALONG chicka, I won’t think less of you.

You know what I hate feeling?

I hate being physically stranded.

A few weeks ago, ride issues got so screwed up that I got stranded in a part of the city that isn’t too complicated, but under the circumstances made me very disoriented.

But next to that, what I hate is being emotionally stranded.

So…I’ve resorted to having to write.

One of my very close friends is in grad school at the moment. 2 out of the 3 years of the program. Especially at this time, she is busy with school.

And I have this thing where I find it hard to call friends when I might be a bother to them (I don’t know if I will, but chances are that if they have a BF, or schooling, they are doing one or the other…or so my brain has programmed itself to think).

My other close friend is currently without her phone, cause her aunt came back from the motherland, and well she wanted to be connected to her aunt, so she gave her aunt HER phone. So again, its hard to reach her.

My brother, who I would normally talk things like this over with, is not accessible, seeing as his schedule is all over the place/he is probably sleeping cause of the whole army thing.

Another childhood friend of mine…has been having her own issues…(which I only BRIEFLY heard from her on Sunday…) so I can’t really bug her with mine, seeing as they have a huge possibility of being nothing compared to what she is going through.

So…as I have stated, I hate being emotionally stranded, but that is where I am at.

And though I am asking for your input, if you make it as far as the end of this post (which if you do, THANK YOU!!!!) I don’t think it will have mattered much cause as of right now, the friend is dead to me (I believe that is the harsh phrase/statement that is used).

So friendA has always been…interesting. A girl who used to be someone who used to be…her, when she was in highschool. She dated a guy who pretty much messed her up, and since then, I do believe she has absorbed the interested of her guy in order for them not to have a ‘reason’ to break up with her. Of course this is ONLY my view of the situation. Perhaps it is actually different. Perhaps not.

Anyway the problem with FriendA, is that she has always possessed this condescending tone/mannerism in speaking.

Case in point is today.

I was blantly told that I was ’silly for taking something so little so seriously, and that I have no reason to be mad’

I’m sorry, but whoTF are you?

That was only a part of the whole speech, but can’t bother to remember the rest.

I mean its great that she thinks so highly about herself, that she thinks that this is a small matter. All power to you. Whatever.

But obviously this is an issue that is personal to me, so HOW DARE YOU tell me how I should feel, and try to make me feel stupid for feeling that way!

Not sure if I mentioned it in previous posts, but this is the same girl who was also saying to me a few months back that I was SO LUCKY That i didn’t have to pay bills, and pay for tuition, and that my mom does my laundry. So I snapped back at her telling her that I don’t know where she got that information, but I was on OSAP for tuition, I tutor my butt off when I can, and I help pay for the Mortgage at home, and WHO THE FREAK still makes their mother do their laundry for them on command? I mean yes at times mother’s ask us, but for the most part don’t you take care of your own friggin laundry?? It pissed me off.

This is also the FRIEND who NEVER once came to my families restaurant, in the 4.8 months that we owned it. (Small side story, I was helping out my mom one day, actually this happened twice, but she arranged an impromptu dinner thing. They told me about the plans and told me to come out. I let them know that I had to work for mama, and couldn’t make it. She wanted to eat Pho, so they went to a pho place just 2 blocks from where our restaurant is, instead of coming to eat at our place so I could join in on the fun as well. TWICE!)

Oh I just remembered. This is also the friend, who in second year, was supposed to take the blue line home with me (the public trains stop running in the city at 1:30am. Meaning to travel around the city, there are buses on the major routes.) But near the end of the party, she freaked out, bailed on me (I was still a tad tipsy) and scrambled to find her own ride home not caring what happened to me. I ended up getting yelled at 2am in the morning by my mother on the phone, and I slept over at a friends.

Even after all these years, of all this…selfishness…I thought…maybe. Maybe.

Except I should know better.

This is not the first time I had to deal with selfish desires/attitudes of an individual, and for the most part have cut them out of my life.

And yet, mainly because she and I share the same group of friends, I figured naw, I should try and work things out, and do my best to change my perspective of her.

But no.

I am done.

Today, November (I just wrote December, and caught myself…sheesh, guess I really want Dec to come :T) I have decided to cut another one out of my life. As I get older, and will be actually closer to my mid-20’s, I have no time for bullshit friendships, or idiots who just fill my life with annoyance. I have not had a good time with her in ages, and cannot remember a time I was sober and having fun in her company.

That’s when you know something is truly wrong, and…that things should just not continue any futher (or at least for me, not saying this applies to everyone.)

But now…how do I go about doing it?

In the past, I could actually cut them out and not have to think about them, but now…if I do cut her out, I potentially lose two other friends cause of how our group was situated…

so though I wish I hadn’t said anything, I know it needs to be done…but…just stuck at how to exactly execute the plan.

ahhhhhh…. :T

See, told you it would be another one of those annoying posts…but…this post has seriously made me feel better.

I’m sorry, if you had to read this, that you had to endure reading through it. I know its not easy to read rants (though curiosity gets the better of you)

lol just got a tweet to my question from another blogger…Her reply (to the question I asked, about what she did when her friend kept saying all the wrong things that just pissed her off, cause it was the same case as mine started out as)?

kept my mouth shut, ignored them for awhile… ididn’t want to end up saying all the wrong things back… had my me time

I want to justify it by saying that its been awhile since I have had to keep my mouth shut…but…ah screw it. Who am I kidding. I just have an extremely low tolerance for stupidity, and just couldn’t handle it any longer.

And though I missed a presence of one of the friends that I first cut out of my life back in Highschool, I have since then not felt any regret for my decisions.

If I value myself, then I must know that I am worth more than what I am being treated as.

Whatever, I’m going to go read a default book (speaking of which Vanessa at Vansmakeupride has created a new book review blog~ http://beautybookshelf.blogspot.com/) And head to bed. Might need to turn to the cuteness of Mutts comics if that doesn’t work :T

YES:

That’s is Black Captain America/ Black President (FIRST BiTcHEZZZ!!!one!elleven!1!)

BUT FIRST:

A simple challenge:

No time-limit. And it’s just ’cause I’m curious.

And YES:

That’s is Black Captain America/ Black President (FIRST BiTcHEZZZ!!!one!elleven!1!)

… are you not feeling a little enwui. A little?

WELL… AnyWho….

Heres the question:

How many ‘Good Wars’ have there been, in history, where the dominant power was in the right?
Extra- consideration if you actually fought in a war. Gears of War and your non-combat tour splitting time between tracking ICBMs and fucking German bitches during the Cold War does not count. Neither does your enlistment or commission in the Coast Guard.
Plese explain your personal service and how that makes you personal expert on why killing other people is ‘Right’ or ‘Just’ more than one time out of ten.
Oh, by the way, WWII is off-limits.

Please describe the reasons for your choices.

Feel free to diss the ‘Black Kurt Loder’ or ‘Black Kurdt Kobain’ or ‘White LBJ’ or whatever they’re calling the registered Gambian voter we now call ‘Dear leader‘.

Public-Option comes next Hussein…..

Well, basically due to a decision to go to a mates with some other mates for a session I’ve now fucked my sleeping pattern and don’t at all feel a need to sleep at half 2. So instead I feel like winging about something.

Everytime it starts to get later and later and edge towards early hours, adverts begin to change. They’ll go from adverts for the next big film, or adverts for Asda, to… (Chavvy/Sexy voice needed) “Text FUN to 8541, and connect with sluts across the country”. Why?! Who’s actually doing this? Also, if there is in fact a market for people who take part in mindless activities like “Texting people in their area” at stupid hours in the morning, because if you do apparently there’s going to be someone around the corner who’s doing/wants the same thing, then why don’t they at least market these things a bit better. These adverts are literally the scummiest things on TV. They’re the TV equivalent of a public toilet or something… You’d prefer not to, but if you’re pissed or got nowhere else to go.. you have to. They hire in the worst most unattractive females to put on the most unconvincing show, pretending that they actually would bother to text this number. That’s how scummy it is! Not even they would text in! To be fair, the girls they use aren’t repulsive, they’re just all the type that you might find in an awkward situation round the back of a club, but think of the few girls that would aaactually use the service? In fact! I say it’s not repulsive.. I saw one not too long ago where it was advertising the options to text “Over 60s”, which cued a shot of a women who was pretty much my Gran just lay back on a sofa in just a fur jacket looking mentally insane . Aaaah and don’t even get my started on the backing music! And the way they pretend to text and then look at the camera with the most forced smile as though they’re at gunpoint. Also, how stupid is it that men might expect a “Like minded” girl to be “round the corner”, even though they only ever advertise towards men.. so why would women be texting in? I need to sleep.



Social stratification. Class system. These are both archaic concepts, long overthrown in Europe and never seriously present in the United States. This is what we’ve been taught, this is clearly what happens in reality. The US prides itself in being a welcoming place for all people, no matter where they came from.

Yeah, right.

Let’s face it. The United States of America is more bigoted and racist as a culture than perhaps any other nation since, well, the United States. Has it ever occurred to anybody that you never see reports of British neo-nazis, of white hate crimes towards any other race other than here? Has it ever occurred to you that of all the other First-World nations, the United States has the most colorful record of slavery, racism, prejudice, and segregation of any ethnically heterogeneous population. (I need to put heterogeneous in because without it, you get nations like Ireland, which are not fair comparisons to what I’m trying to put across here.)

Here, a bullet-list of all the various prejudices and social issues that the United States so proudly counts as part of its heritage:

• Catholics. Present in the American population since before 1776, this took until the election of JFK in 1960 to really work its way out of the collective American psyche.
• Blacks. Present since the widespread adoption of slavery in the colonies in 1680. Slavery, while formally abolished in 1863, did nothing to stem the racism towards blacks, formally and legally abolished in 1964, but still present in many areas of American life even today, whether you consciously aware of it or not.
• Women. Present in the American population since the beginning of ever, women were denied the right to vote and other social necessities until the passing of the 19th Amendment in 1920. Nowadays, women are, nominally, more or less equal, though there are lingering effects, such as women being paid 75% as much as men for doing the same exact job.
• Native Americans. Very strong prejudices against Native Americans existed in the United States ever since the white people realized that the land that they wanted had other people living on it. This, in turn, led to such things such as the Trail of Tears, reservations, etc. This particular social ill died out after America reached California and Manifest Destiny petered out. As it is, though, the Native American population is vastly reduced from what it used to be not 300 years ago, and they are still mostly out of sight on reservations, living their lives, unfortunately, in destitution and squalor.

And this is just a small list. I hear stories every day that prove racism is still alive and well.

Nowadays, it seems that America has latched on to anti-Islamism. You hear reports of terrorists in Afghanistan existing. Fair enough, these reports might be true. But then, take a look at the Google news search for “terrorist threat.” Sure, one or two of these reports might actually be about terrorists. The rest have headlines like, “Are American Muslims a Threat?” and “The emerging homegrown terrorist threat.” I mean, there is a point where fear crosses over into ludicrousness. We are way past that point. We proved we were way past that point when people started getting shot at because they had beards. When a little old lady got up and brazenly told John McCain, “Obama’s an Arab.” And while it may not be getting any worse, it sure isn’t getting any better. There is a stereotype now, that Islam is an inherently violent and white-people-hating religion. Which is simply not true. In fact, it startles me that on the one hand, people can say that anybody who accepts Jesus will be saved, and then turn right around and attack fellow acceptors of Jesus. It boggles the mind and startles the spirit, really.

But guess what? I’m guessing it’s going to take another century for that stereotype to exit the collective American psyche. Just like Jim Crow. Just like the stigma against Japanese people during WWII. Just like the prejudice against Catholics.

Not cool, America. Not cool.

Well, since owning a version of VMWare Fusion 1 and 2 I have found it to be a useful tool. Only thing is that I have had to install a *cough* lighter version (eXPerience) *cough* of Windows XP to get it to be any use when using such bloated softwares like AutoCAD and Rhino! This has proven effective and good up until a point, restrictions on x64 operating systems for both host and guest has really kept the Virtualisation world throttled, leaving me frustrated when converting 500Mb 3dm files to DWG or STL. Regardless, I managed but the excitement was reserved for the release of Macintosh OS X ‘Snow Leopard’ which shone upon the Apple world true x64 support. FABOO! My OS is now x64, so now I have to get the new VMWare Fusion 3 to feel the ‘benefits’ from my virtual machines. I also have a copy of Windows 7 Home Edition which comes with an x64 disk, perfect!

OK, so the tests… I will be pushing the systems to the limits in terms of work load and will be testing it using the following setups!

In Window/Fullscreen

1. Windows XP SP3
2. Windows [Tiny]XP SP3 – without theme service enabled.
3. Windows 7 Home Edition

In Unity

1. Windows XP SP3
2. Windows [Tiny]XP SP3 – without theme service enabled.
3. Windows 7 Home Edition

In order to test the setups I will create a (large) Rhinoceros .3dm file in Windows 7 on an Athlon x64 5000+, 4Gb desktop. This is a standard setup and is the average computer type I work on. I will then open this file in VMWare Fusion 3 and navigate it, convert it to Stereolithography .stl, edit it. I will also use a very resource heavy Grasshopper .ghx script. I will then render the files I have created from the previous in my VMWare Fusion 3 guest and record the results. Whilst this is being done I will be comparing it with the Windows 7 desktop previously mentioned.

This is by all means not normal usage, I am just trying to gage how much I can throw at the software.

[The Results will go here soon]

So, my dad says, your sister’s getting married in Cape Cod next summer. She’s been engaged for a few years, but we didn’t think she’d be getting married. We didn’t even know she was getting married, but apparently at my grandfather’s birthday party my aunt Laurie asked my dad how the wedding plans were coming & he said, what plans? We only heard about her engagement because she changed her relationship status on MySpace & my cousin Tiffany saw & said something about it. My sister & my dad have had their arguments, but she still tries to keep in touch with me, I think. We hadn’t talked for more than a year before I saw her at my other sister’s wedding. I think she called me on my birthday the year before and we’d texted a little bit, but still. It was like meeting each other for the first time when we finally did talk: she asked me what my interests were & what sports I played & about my friends. & she told me of the sort of things I’d hear a lot after that: the kind of serious grown-up talk that I wasn’t ready to hear, about her & my dad. I’m still a child, I thought. & after that we emailed & she called me baby, I remember. & then I saw her at the wedding and she was different: nearly chainsmoking, clinging to her boyfriend & drinking too much wine. After we got pedicures at the spa she lit up as soon as we got outside & I offered to wait outside the hotel with her while she finished, even though I was trying not to breathe in the smoke. More politeness than anything, I think, but I wanted to make her see what she was doing to herself & throw the cigarettes far, far away. At the reception she offered me a glass of champagne & I didn’t know what to say, because isn’t it different at weddings & champagne is really good & I had champagne at your parents’ wedding, she & the devil in my head said. We left before she could ask again: gathering my half-sister into a silk tricotine, perfume & smoke filled hug. 

What has happened to you?

I woke up Sunday morning earlier than my usual 11 am – on purpose.  My weekend hours are limited these days and I’d prefer to feel that at least some of my Sunday is my own.  I managed French-pressed coffee on the patio, a brisk walk around the neighborhood, breakfast and a 30-minute workout (my thighs are on fire today).  Then, I began my slow march to the restaurant.

My head, my stomach and every limb on my body would prefer to stay home and relax the day away.  I don’t need the money nor am I being forced to work.  I don my chef’s whites, sharpen my knives and sweat through my Sunday because I need experience.  It’s a multi-part process – and Culinary School was merely the first step.  I need to tough it out and learn how this cooking thing works in the real world. 

My sous chef teacher is a mere 21 years old – and not much of a teacher.  I think working in a kitchen requires an ego – and each chef and cook has a large one.  It’s amazing cooks and egos can all fit behind the hot line.  They’re condescending with confident male machismo – I wilt a bit around them.  Their egos give mine a good beating.  The servers, in contrast, are gum-chomping, fluffheaded bitches.  They’ve convinced themselves they could work the kitchen – they just prefer not to as they might break an acrylic nail.  This was an exchange I had last night:

Server 1:  A customer said the short rib shepherds pie was dry. They didn’t eat it.

Me:  I thought it was a bit dry too. (note: I obviously didn’t make the dish)

Fluffhead Server:   (chomping gum) It was made with short ribs…

Me:  Yes, I know, but usually shepherds pie has gravy with it.

Fluffhead:  (with teenage condescension in her eyes) But it was made with short ribs…

Me:  You can add sauce to the short ribs so it’s more like a real shepherd’s pie.

Fluff: But this was short ribs…

I’m not sure if she was trying to say that short ribs are inherently dry or, because this wasn’t a true shepherd’s pie, it didn’t need to be as moist.  Perhaps during line-up, Big D told her the shepherd’s pie was made with short ribs and this was all she could keep in her fluffhead…

Customer: How’s the shepherd’s pie?

Fluff:  It’s made with short ribs.

Customer: Do you recommend it?

Fluff:  It’s made with short ribs.

Customer:  How large is the portion?

Fluff: It’s made with short ribs.

Customer:   Can I have an order of the shepherd’s pie but without the peas?

Fluff:  It’s made with short ribs.

At the end of the night, Big D gave me my paycheck – $175 for three grueling nights of work.  I just keep telling myself – I need the experience.

This is not the post that I wanted to lead off with, being as I have been away for so long that my daily hits have plunged to nothing… but I feel that I need to write a little bit about the thorn in my side whose name is Vaio.

About a year ago, I had a big old Toshiba laptop that, while quirky, was a power house and a very robust computer. Sure, it crashed now and again, but show me a Windows XP computer that does not crash! Anyway, one day, this nice little computer met with disaster in the form of 8 ounces of cold tap water. Zap.

So my better half, the baby and myself trudged out to the local Best Buy to procure another computer. Since funds were really tight, we outed to the stylish, moderately powerful yet imminently affordable Sony Vaio VGN-NR430E. This little guy was outfitted with the standard stuff a laptop of 2008-2009 vintage would carry. Even Windows Vista Home Premium! Yay, not the home basic! Yay!

Fast forward one year.

Internet explorer crashes so frequently that hard reboots are necessary. My ipod has been bricked twice due to USB issues. The DVD drive, which was replaced once before, reads only 1 out of every 2 DVDs we feed it. the batter lasts about 15 minutes until going dead. Things are slow, cluttered and less than reliable. To top it all off, SONY is not providing Windows 7 drivers for this particular model.

Sony Sucks.

Twink, bear, queer, fag, homo, dyke, butch, femme, circuit queen, fairy, otter, wolf, “straight acting”, lipstick, leather daddy, submissive, master….

How many words does it take to say one thing….GAY! I will admit I have read countless articles on the “Gay Condition”, each of which pointing out how fractured the gay community really is. Each article detailing what it is to be gay detailing how the twinks don’t socialize with the bears, they both hate the circuit queens, most of the lesbians I know think otters are nothing BUT semi-aquatic fish-eating mammals. That being said, as well written as they have been, the problem I have found with nearly every article I have read is it was written from the perspective of an author who has only belonged to one of these groups. While I am not transgendered so I cannot speak on behalf of a post operative male to female lesbian, I have been a part of each and every one of the rest of these groups.

A very brief history includes me coming out at 17 years old, fresh out of high school, with a string of boyfriends until this month where I am now happily Domestic Partnered to an amazing man whom I love with my entire being.

I was a slender child and a slender young adult but various life events led to an expanding waistline which inevitably led to making new and different friends and trying out different social situations.

It is clearly not news to anyone that the friends we make in life are mostly those we share common interests and perhaps attributes with, either emotionally or physically in some cases. At this particular part of my life I found myself far more comfortable hanging out with the bear/cub community. Not because I had any issue with the smaller and more fit parts of the community but simply because I felt I had more in common with the bears, cubs, wolves, etc etc. What I discovered quickly was a good portion of my new friends had a distaste for the twinky or jock community which was attributed to feeling ostracized. None of my existing more gym prone friends had the reverse issue and were just as content socializing with the bear community. Although there were the fair amount that made the fat jokes etc but would that was  due to their own insecurities thus lashing out so they felt better about their own shortcomings.

I remained a solid 270lbs for several years before deciding I was done with being tired all the time, done with a lack of clothing choices, just simply done. With that thought I started up at a gym and within about 8 months I slimmed down to around 155lbs.

It was at this point where life begun to change in ways I had never foreseen.  I found I was no longer as welcome with the group of friends I had been regularly hanging out with. I was even told at one point I no longer belonged…..Simply because they felt I had betrayed them by choosing to lose weight. This led me to begin making new friends and even start a bartending job because the customer base liked a smooth, slender, tattooed young guy who didn’t mind mixing cocktails with his shirt off. My bartending experience led to making even more new friends and experience different situations. I had learned at this point I was happy hanging out at the bear bars, the leather bars, preppy sports bars and even the straight bars. I’d gone from one extreme to the other so I developed an understanding of what it was to belong and not belong all at once. The unfortunate side affect to this transformation would have to be that it caused me to close myself off somewhat as well. It was very disheartening to be told I didn’t belong in one way or another while I felt like the same person all along.

Then here we are today, I am surrounded by so many different types of people and my partner and I travel from one group to the next and back again simply because we simply look for people who are secure enough in themselves to not care…large, small, old, young, hairy, smooth, tattooed, pierced, male, female and any combination of the above. I find myself looking at the gay community as one large puzzle, so many different varying pieces yet all essential to form that one beautiful whole.

I hope the piece of advice you can take away from my post is step outside yourself if you never do you’ll never know how much you’re missing!

Even your Aircomplane.com Spite Attendants are reassured that they are not the only ones keystroke-happy enough to share their travel frustrations. Here is one of your fellow travelers who took the time to shed his or her special brand of sunshine in a posting on the San Diego Craigslist.org. (And congratulations, it actually made “Best of Craigslist!”)

Be forewarned (and to the likely glee of the many Fright Attendants out there) they also take a pretty good and hilarious shot at their fellow passengers. Enjoy.

best of craigslist > san diego > RANT: Airline Travel Etiquette
Originally Posted: Wed, 28 Feb 08:31 PST

RANT: Airline Travel Etiquette

Date: 2007-02-28, 8:31AM PST

Alright people, some airline travel etiquette needs to be established. Here are a few suggestions that will make everyone’s life easier, so please… pay attention:

Rule #1 – Security. Yes, it’s a bitch. Yes, the TSA employees they hired from the nearest clinic for the terminally stupid are an insult to anybody with a hint of gray matter, but com’on. Throw the rest of us a bone here:

You’ve been standing in line for 45 minutes. After 45 minutes you finally get to the table with the little gray bins. Now is NOT the time to hold up everyone else in line while you take off your six earrings, your 20 bracelets, your necklace, your watch and anything else you KNOW DAMN WELL will set off the alarm. The time to do this was sometime during the previous 45 minutes when you were standing in line complaining about how slowly the line was moving. Take all that stuff off and throw it in your carry-on BEFORE you get to the table.

For those of you with laptops, yes you need to take it out of the bag. The 8 signs you past while standing in the aforementioned line weren’t kidding. Have it out, put it in the bin and move along.

Rule #2 – Potty breaks. With certain exceptions, potty breaks are denied within the first hour of flight. It’s your own damn fault you decided to wait in line for 15 minutes at the terminal Starbucks for your daily non-fat chi extra-tall cup-of-crap instead of taking care of business (and by therefore compounding the problem). If you’re that bad at time management, or set your priorities such that you can’t take 2 minutes out of your busy day to take a leak, then it’s your own damn fault and you can just hold it. Exceptions would include: (1) you’re in an aisle seat, (2) children, or (3) you have a baby with a poopy diaper – and yes I can smell it. Yes EVERYONE within 10 rows can smell it. Feel free to do what you got to do but PLEASE don’t ignore it.

Ladies, if you’re pregnant, insist on an aisle seat. The airlines will accommodate if you push them hard enough. Old people, if you have a weak bladder, the same goes for you.

Rule #3 – Bitch. If I’m unfortunate enough to ride bitch (aka, the middle seat) then I automatically get both armrests. It’s called making the best of a bad situation. I don’t care how much you spent on your ticket – and if you had that much money you would be up there in 1st class with the rest of the I’m-so-important-I-need-a-curtain-to-shelter-me-from-those-coach-people crowd.

Rule #4 – Assumptions. When airborne, you need to make some assumptions. For those of you seated behind me, you need to assume that I am sound asleep in my chair trying to get a little sleep before my big presentation in a few hours. This means that you are NOT to use my chair to pull yourself up out of your seat, shaking it violently as you struggle for balance. I realize there isn’t a lot of room, but the solution is simple… use your armrests, slightly turn your body, and use YOUR chair for balance. If works for me, it can work for you.

For those of you seated in front of me, you need to assume I’m feverishly working on my laptop for that big presentation and EASE your seat back, nice and slowly, allowing me to make adjustments as necessary. This means NOT reclining your seat with such fury as to crack the lid of my laptop because it caught on the tray-table latch (I’d especially like to thank the lady seated in 19B on United Flight 920 on February 21st from San Diego to Dulles for that one). I don’t care if you want to recline your seat, just GO SLOWLY.

Rule #5 – Do Not Disturb. If I’m wearing headphones, listening to my iPod, it’s code for “please leave me alone and don’t try to engage in conversation.” I don’t care how excited you are to be visiting your 19-year-old niece who lives in Santee. I don’t care how pretty she is and that she’s pregnant with her third child from as many fathers.

If it looks like I’m sleeping, I probably am. It might be hard to tell as I often wear sunglasses when I try to sleep on a plane, but think about this – if I haven’t moved in awhile, I’m asleep. So please, use common sense if you choose to rouse me from my slumber (ie, something catastrophic happening like a wing falling off). The flight attendant serving drinks DOES NOT qualify.

Rule #6 – Parents, control your kids. I’ve traveled all over the US as a kid and I know how incredibly boring even a short flight can be. However, a cramped airliner is NOT the place for tough-love. If your kid is throwing a tantrum, GIVE THEM WHATEVER THEY WANT – PERIOD. If your child is kicking my chair I WILL say something – and not to the child, but to YOU. The other day I ran into a local 7-11 and they had portable DVD players on sale for $60. Seems to me like a pretty inexpensive insurance policy – otherwise I suggest adding a triple shot of Children’s NyQuil to their grape juice, also available at 7-11.

Rule #7 – You finally made to your destination. Congratulations! Don’t stop. That is to say, you just walked off the jetway and are now in the terminal – KEEP MOVING. Every single airport I’ve been to in this country has signs posted everywhere, so if you aren’t quite sure where you need to go, simply walk strait ahead to the far wall and figure it out from there. Stopping at the jetway door or in the immediate vicinity creates a hellacious roadblock that the second half of the plane has to navigate around. Some of us actually have the ability to walk and read at the same time – no problem if you’re not one of them, just please don’t slow those of us down who can.

This last part isn’t really about travel etiquette so much as it is about the Airport Nazis that patrol the pick-up and drop-off area at San Diego Lindbergh. I’ve been meaning to write something… suppose this is as good a time as any.

You guys are the biggest bunch of fucking assholes I have ever had to deal with in my entire life. When I go the airport and you guys are giving me shit, I say, “see kids, that man is why you need to study hard in school and get good grades – you don’t want to end up like him, right?” I can understand ticketing someone who parked out front and walked away – fuck tow it or even set it ablaze for all I care, but what you douche-bags do is downright harassment. News flash – me driving slowly, waiting for my passenger – WHO I CAN SEE AND IS WALKING OUT OF THE TERMINAL, is not the same as being as being parked or stopped. Here’s an idea, if my vehicle isn’t moving, why don’t you go stand in front of it while you write me that ticket? Yeah – that’s what I thought.

With that said, minus the KSAN Airport Nazis, I hope you found this beneficial. Please refer back to it as often as necessary.

Thank you and have a nice day.
Location:
San Diego

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I’ve started packing! It is progressing slowly. Stuart refuses to throw anything out so, once again, I am having to be more ruthless with my stuff. I’m gradually adding stuff to the sale list which will be going on ebay in the next couple of weeks (once I figure out how to use ebay to sell!). So far the stuff to come with us stands at 9 boxes and that’s only from one and a half rooms, it’s not looking good! Only 4 or 5 boxes in the store pile at the moment and hopefully I will be getting rid of those in a week or two so they will be out of the way. The lounge is a bomb site at the moment, boxes everywhere, stuff that needs sorting everywhere else and the small areas that would be empty are stacked with stuff to sell, it’s a nightmare!

We still have no idea what’s happening with the Guinea Pigs, I’m hoping and praying that they can come with us. On the plus side Stuart has found some lovely houses and we have pretty much decided on the bank that we’re going with. Slowly but surely it’s all coming together. We still have no firm date for the move but by the time Stuart comes back home we should do. I’m hoping it’s sooner rather than later because I’m fed up with the society in Britain and the attitudes held by the people in it, but that’s a rant for another blog.

In Wedding news: One of my Maid’s of Honour and I went to Crewe Hall on official Wedding business last night, it was by invite only, how posh are we?! lol! Jess got to see the hall, and the atrocious new bit that they’ve stuck on the side of it. We both pondered over why on earth they haven’t licensed the beautiful chapel that they have and despaired at how horrendous the new part is and how much it ruins the rest of it. Were it not for the new glass and steel addition to Crewe Hall I think it would be one of our favourites but the more I see the new bit the more I hate it.
Anyway, we saw yet more photographers, bringing to running total up to one million and one, and I am now sold on chair covers which I had already ruled out! Oh, and we’re having a chocolate fountain, because wow was it yummy and it smelled fantastic!
We also got fireworks which were very pretty Although I am still undecided as to whether to have anything at all going on at the reception aside from drinking and dancing.

Today Stuart and I have made some decisions on cake and Wedding Breakfast menu  (based on us having the reception at Wrenbury Hall). We have finally been able to compromise on the cake as it was the only thing that we were disagreeing on, now I just have to get the nice lady to design it and give us a price! Hopefully we can book Wrenbury Hall when Stuart gets back and sees just how fantastic it is in real life and then I can start booking everything else too! I’m getting a bit nervous about seeing the Vicar on the 3rd December, he was quite pushy the last time I saw him and I don’t do well with people trying to dictate to me, especially on an occasion that is only going to happen once so it is going to be perfect and no bugger else is going to stop it! It’s our Wedding, not his, if he wants this that and the bloody other, he can get married again! Sorry, rant over!

In health news, I am not sleeping very well at all. Well…that may not be entirely accurate, I am sleeping well once I get to sleep, it’s just that I’m not getting to sleep until 5 or 6 am! I think it’s partly due to running on Mexican time so that I get to talk to Stuart and I really hope it sorts itself out once he’s back because it’s driving me insane and means I’m not getting up ’til 2 or 3 pm. That in turn is affecting my eating meaning that I’m only eating one meal a day because I’ve slept through breakfast and lunch, the joys of long distance relationships. Do you know what my advice is? Don’t do it! Either move with them or break up, it’s not worth it.

Oh, telly wise I am shocked and appalled that Jamie Afro is no longer in X factor, he was my favourite to win. So now I’m a Jedward supporter 100% Go twins, you rock!
I was really looking forward to I’m a Celebrity get me out of here and enjoyed the first episode, Stuart to win! But I am now boycotting because they’ve put that tramp who calls herself a mother back in and I refuse to have everyone of my senses offended by trash like that.

Right, I’m feeling like I’m rambling now so I’ll shut up!

Christmas just seems to get earlier and earlier every year, but I was absolutely amazed to see that someone quite close to where I stay has already got their Christmas tree up.

What on earth are they thinking of? Children can often drive you up the wall by constantly asking you when they can put the tree up, it’s almost as bad as the ubiquitous – Are we nearly there yet? – when you go on a journey. However, I happen to know that the offending house has no children in it, only one woman inhabitant. So she has absolutely no excuse and she must just have something mentally wrong with her.

By the time we get to Christmas the tree will be swathed with dust; lovely.

It’s bad enough having it all kicking off in the shops in August, it goes on for so long that by the time we get to the middle of December I am heartily sick of the whole thing, in fact I am completely scunnered.

Then we have the god botherers who don’t seem to realise that the good old pagans got there long before them and the Christians just hi-jacked the pagan festival which was designed to get us all through the long, dark winter days without cutting our throats.

So this blog is having nothing to do with the C word for at least another month. It is a Christmas free zone.

Long live grumpiness.

What is it with people and this 3-d phenomenon? This 3-d week on channel 4, it’s just a load of sweaty bollocks! I watched Darren Brown’s magical 3-d something or other on t.v and to be honest, why did all the 3-d ‘effects’ just look like normal t.v but with a blue and red tinge around each picture? I put the glasses on and there was no affect; all i saw was two ‘magicians’ sawing their arms off with 8 inch knives, its been done before. The queen in 3-d was not much good either, apart from the jubilee which was still not the best 3-d experience of my life.

Moving on, i had band practice with one of my bands called ‘Charles and the Darwin’s’ which became The Darwin’s after our lead singer had enough and buggered off to the next room(don’t tell anyone, but i stole one of his guitar pickups *chortle!*). We made a song though, ‘westytainment’ is a great addition to our arsenal of anthems and best of all, it’s about our favourite tray-bake loving moley. Good old Westy, anyway i got to go, tata!

Don’t worry cha cha, don’t throw a guitar!

I don’t find many people who are even barely concerned about the sale of NBC Universal (owned by GE) to cable/internet giant Comcast. I wouldn’t care either if not for the fact that I love Hulu, the Internet media provider co-owned by the big three networks: NBC, Fox and ABC. For those who don’t know what Hulu is, it is a great source for all TV hit series, great documentaries, and entertainment – all on demand with limited commercials.

Unfortunately, this great service may soon rest in peace, as greed of its existing owner Newscorp (Rupert Murdoch) and soon-to-be partner, money-hungry Comcast will transform Hulu into paid service. Indeed, both Rupert Murdoch and Comcast CEO Brian Roberts are known for looking for ways to improve profit margins of their companies by trying to charge for services that used to be free or can be replaced by free substitutes.

Specifically, why would I want to pay to read the Wall Street Journal Online when I can read (not so business envy, but still credible) New York Times online, listen to Bloomberg Radio, or use Google news to help me find articles I am looking for? Along the same line I am against tiered internet that is strongly advocated by Comcast and justified by reasons that make no sense.

I have no doubt that when the deal will get through, Hulu will cease its free service. At that time thousands (if not millions) of its users will switch to free torrent networks in order to watch their favorite series (which is illegal but relatively not enforced). People will prefer the tradeoff of waiting few minutes (on broadband) to have their show downloaded via p2p connection than pay even a penny to the multi-billion dollar consortium.

It is sad that the race for a dollar can totally overshadow smart business minds. Hence isn’t it better for Murdoch and Roberts to have a net revenue of $12 million (2008) than trying to materialize on the idea that’s doomed to fail from the start? I truly hope that the connection I am seeing will be seen by Hulu owners, and what is and ought to be free will remain free.