Girlfriend Fail

Picture by: dunno source Submitted by: Jerm via Fail Uploader

Jag fastnar framför dokumentären Guys and dolls som finns på sidan Top Documentary Films.

Den väcker en massa tankar. Jag frågar mig om de väljer att leva med dockor för att de inte tycker att de själva är värda en riktig tjej eller för att de inte tror att de kan få någon.

Någon beskriver det som “a higher form of masturbation”.

Det får mig också att tänka på grabbarna som lusläser the Game och går med i Charismatic Revolution. Killarna i dokumentären om real dolls har gått ett steg längre och avsagt sig chanserna och arbetet med raggning. Mycket handlar om kontroll när de pratar om sina dockor, om hur de kan bestämma över dem. De sminkar, köper kläder och borstar dockornas hår. Det finns t o m speciella “läkare” för real dolls, de kan serva och byta olika delar som slitits eller gått sönder. De som tillverkar dockorna berättar om hur de skräddarsys för att passa killens smak. Man kan t ex välja hur mycket könshår ens docka ska ha. Jag reagerar dock på att samtliga dockor ser ut som barbiedockor i kroppen, på det sättet påminner de inte särskilt mycket om “riktiga kvinnor”. På den här sidan kan man även hitta manliga real dolls, de ser ut ungefär som Ken. Jag vet inte hur vanligt det är att någon verkligen har en real doll hemma. Det finns också aspekten av att man kanske tänder på att det är en docka, d v s man är inte ute efter en verklig kropp att knulla. Här diskuterar några killar sina erfarenheter av att knulla uppblåsbara dockor.

Vad som fångar mig är flykten från rädslan att bli ensam. Vissa kanske drabbas av den i 21-årsåldern, andra aldrig. Killarna och deras real dolls fjärmar sig från rädslan och väljer något annat. I en av kommentarerna skämtar någon till det och skriver

“Having a real doll as a girlfriend is like having a rock as a pet”

(Att ha en uppblåsbar docka som flickvän är som att ha en sten till husdjur)

Vi skrattar lite åt det där, men någonstans fastnar skrattet i halsgropen.

Filmen Lars and the real girl kom i våras

So right around the time the movie “Lars and the Real Girl” came out, I went through a period of fascination with Real Dolls  (website NSFW)- dolls that are customizable and made to look like real women. Men spend thousands of dollars on these dolls and many treat them as if they are real women. Watch this documentary for a creepy, yet fascinating look into the lives of these men.

If this is not creepy enough, check out this post on The Frisky which describes the advent of a doll along the same line as Real Dolls, but it is meant to be a sex doll and has a heavy breathing function and a G-Spot. The company, First Androids (beware the website is in German and hard to navigate), has received 4 MILLION orders for these dolls, which cost $3820.

And I thought a movie about Barbie was bad.

Show Notes:

• Southern California Firestorm
• Real Dolls
• Jaycee Lee Dugard
• Facebook & Twitter Users Face Pricier Insurance
• Jealous Britons Using Facebook to Snoop on Partners

So, it started like any other conversation between Marco and Lollipop, who sometimes operates under her real name, Maria Diaz, with Marco asking Lollipop for advice about something – since she frequently acts in the capacity of an Oracle – and then her telling him about a new writing gig she’s got coming up, something that will have her getting down and dirty, rubbing elbows up close with celebrities. She mentions a slight nervousness about it and Marco, being Marco, suggests, “You could always achieve worldwide internet notoriety by throwing red paint on Megan Fox or something, right?”

Maria Diaz: Noooooo. Not what I want to do. She terrifies me. Especially since she’s completely man-made.

Marco Sparks: Yeah, she looks like she was put out by the same company that releases those Todd McFarlane action figures.

MD: Someone somewhere on the internet dug up some photos from before she got all that plastic surgery. It was remarkable.

Marco: How significant were the changes?

MD: See for yourself. Plastic surgery is so insidious. All the doctors get taught the same techniques, so everyone comes out looking the same. But I can see how it could get addictive.

Marco: Yeah, there’s always a disorder in which you need more physical alterations to your appearance.

MD: Until you turn into a CAT LADY!

Marco: Like on Nip/Tuck?

MD: Yes. But really… there is something neat about getting to say, FUCK YOU, NATURE!

Marco: I believe in the swarthy, unbridled power of the human intellect,

for the better or the worse, that we can rise above what we are given and change that which we don’t like or that which could hurt us. I mean, there’s a reason that the life expectancy is like 60 years longer now than it was for people our age, what… 100 years ago? Of course, with that comes new disorders and syndromes that can be very harmful.

But I’ve been reading more and more lately about augmented reality, AI, and sentient/spiritual machines (a la Ray Kurzweil) and probably within 200 or so years, the new plastic surgery won’t be changing your face, your body, etc. It’ll be about making yourself more machine-like.

MD: I think that’s so far off, though. Substantially far off. We won’t ever see it.

Marco: No, we won’t, certainly. Like I said, easily 200 or so years.

Benjamin Light and I were just talking about Terminator 2 earlier, and how the vision of… 2019, I think it was, from back in 1997, was homicide bots with working mobile laser cannons and hover attack drones and the future there, while so grim, was so futuristic-y! But realistically? No, not so soon.

But we’ll start to see the slow advances of it. Within 15 years there’s a good chance that for under a $1000 you could be able to own a computer that has at least the computing powers and space of the human brain.

MD: You really think it’ll be that accessible?

I always hesitate to make these kinds of statements because I think they’re American-centric and specific to people with a certain amount of education and/or money. It’s going to take a long time till everyone is up to speed and these kinds of futuristic robot-people become the norm. Even Real Dolls are still out of most people’s price ranges and I think that’s certainly an indication of how future factory jobs/cleaning jobs will turn to. Kind of like the ending of Shaun of the Dead.

Marco: You’re right about the financial aspect of it, but then again, it really becomes a matter of time and manufacturing costs and, of course, the basis for American business language: supply/demand.

But I think it’s coming. Though I can’t put a serious guess on how fast or over the course of what timeline. I can only guess.

That’s one of the things I like about these highly celebrated futurists, and the game of the future in general, that you’re not so much an oracle as just half making educated predictions, and half selling fables of the far off tomorrow that only have to sound a little credible. You go read an article in Wired about the amazing new things that nanotechnology can do each day and then you come back to me and I tell you that within six months, all plastic surgery will be nanosurgery and for just a moment, a scary moment, it sounds half way possible.

MD: Oh, totally.  It’s like a few years ago when the tech came out for identifying things via a thumb-print that would have your ATM pin, and all of your info on it and all the “sky is falling” press that came out of that. You start to get spooked and think it is all entirely possible.

Marco: And, while jumping over body modification a little here, we don’t talk nearly enough about the good things that could be coming, with science and medical breakthroughs and what have you. Maybe partly because it’s so locked down, like stem cell research. Or maybe because all people want is cures of AIDS and cancer, the regrowth of lost limbs, and the Higgs-Boson. Or cold fusion!

MD: Cold fusion! That’s a pop culture reference I’m forgetting.

There’s lots of good things that come out of this, like robots performing surgery. I think there is one called the Da Vinci arm? They can do surgery in a much more precise way than a doctor who maybe had too much coffee or gets distracted for a milisecond and one tiny move can mess the whole thing up. Or robots who dispense medication. Those are a complete trip to see, but again, save lives and do a lot of good since they remove a lot of the error. Of course, it all depends on humans who program these things.

Marco: Until the robots start programming the humans who program the robots. And, of course, I’ll take the low road and speak for every man who just read that someday a robot might be performing surgery on him: Where’s the robot that can jack me off too?

There’s actually a joke on the new Patton Oswalt album about robots that can deliver babies better than human doctors, except for that rare 1 in 100 times glitch in which the robot skins the baby and turns it into an ipod case. “Murder spasms,” I think he called it.

Be honest: How shocked would you be if tomorrow it was revealed that Megan Fox was actually a project the Japanese started ten years ago in crafting the ultimate pop starletbot?

MD: The answer to any and all questions is always the Real Doll. Do you reallly want a robot giving you a handjob? Let’s be real, here.

And to answer your question: I would not shocked at all.

Marco: Would I really want a handjob from a robot? Well, a handjob is a lot different from other kinds of sex, which is a bullshit kind of kind that I could intellectualize to death for no real good. No, I probably don’t want to fuck a robot. Not in a way that I could imagine right now. Though I have a very unique, very special, very disturbingly fun imagination, so ask me again later. But then again, by the time we all get oral pleasure bots, we may be living in a very different type of world, morals-wise.

Megan Fox being a robot created by the Japanese to start in a Michael Bay movie about fighting giant super Robots that can turn into cars and shit would be a fascinating movie all of it’s own. Didn’t Al Pacino star in some movie years ago about a computer generated starlet?

MD: You can’t say something like that and then now follow up, son. “Not in a way you could imagine right now…” Then what way? Would sex with robots be more akin to masturbation? Would it just be novelty? Would it replace human interaction entirely? I’m sure for some people, it would.

Yes, Pacino was in such a movie. It was called Simone and it sucked.

Marco: As I was typing out that paragraph, I was remember the future episode of Newsradio where they talk about how sex with robots is so much better than sex with humans. You have to remember that I’m an old school sci fi geek so, on this subject, my brain is a mash up of Asimov’s three laws and the Jane/Sex bot counterpart to Jude Law’s Gigolo Joe from Spielberg/Kubrick’s A.I.

Would sex with robots become masturbation 8.0 or a new novelty or just replace human interaction entirely? Yes. And for some people, that may be a good thing. We’ve all seen that documentary on the Real Dolls, right? As much as we snicker at guys like Davecat, I can’t help but think where he and that old British man would be if they didn’t have those real dolls in their lives, you know? I clearly remember the British man taking his real dolls on holiday, a nice drive out into the country, but before he goes, he puts a sign on the doll saying, “I AM A DOLL,” so should he get into an accident or something, no one will risk their life trying to safe her. Because she’s not a real human being. A bit off subject, but that fascinated me. The man lived on that very blurry edge of fantasy and reality, but he knew which was which. And he made a happy little home for himself there.

Part of the real I say it’s hard to answer the question now about sex with robots in a future point is look at our ever evolving hang ups about sex. We’re so quiet and insecure about so much, yet even that changes bit by bit. Years ago a man probably wouldn’t have openly admitted to masturbation (and especially not a woman)(and I’m thinking of Betty Draper on that washing machine as I say that), but now it can be dinner party talk for a bunch of yuppies between discussing the latest gossip of what’s going on down at the tennis club and how socialist they think Obama’s health care plan is. “Ha ha, so Janet and the in-laws walks in on me jacking off to the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue…”

Now just replace that same dinner party with one 50 years from now. “Ha ha, so Edmund walks in on me on all fours getting a spanking from LX-9000…”

MD: You know, when I saw that real doll documentary, I always thought that if Davecat had just hung out in the right chat rooms or gone to a small, liberal arts college where nerds get laid, he never would have needed that real doll. It doesn’t seem happy to me at all, it just seems sad. Especially that other guy who was so clearly completely paralyzed by the death of his mother.  They did bring them some joy as he took her out on drives and such, but so much of that was just projection. They’re just setting themselves up for failure, they will never be able to relate to a woman who talks back. I could see sex robots becoming the new sex worker in that way, you know?

Marco: Yeah, exactly. But imagine in this bright new future where we have sex robots aiding us in our carnal needs, these robots actually get respect. As much as a robot can. Now, I know it’s a sad thought that a robot as a sex worker would get more respect than a human as a sex worker, but isn’t that just how humans work?

MD: I see it going the opposite, that the robot would get treated much worse. Since you know, it’s just a robot and would be seen as even more property (if that’s possible) than a human.

Marco: That’s true. And part of me hopes it stays that way, not from a sex with machines perspective, but from a relation between robots and humans kind of way. I don’t want to get into the idea of the human soul or spark or noumenon too much, but hopefully in the future, when they make the robots… they’ll leave that out…

Of course, that would suck for WALL-E, wouldn’t it?

But then again, if they ever build robots with programming advanced enough to satisfying us sexually – which, granted, I know isn’t that complex since bored and curious guys have been getting the same thrill from the hose on the vacuum cleaner – who knows where AI and sentience in machines will be. To take it back to the language of pop culture nerdery: Data from Star Trek: TNG. Ever evolving, creating himself as an existing being, and fully functional sexual and “programmed in a variety of methods.”

MD: Well…for it to really work, it would have to beyond that base level of just getting you off. If that’s all that mattered, then women would just stick with vibrators, which, let’s be honest, are usually better/more efficient at getting the job done than any man. And I’d reckon that a vacuum cleaner probably gives a more proficient blowjob than any girl/guy. HOWEVER, if they could program the robot with human touches, that would change the game. Do you know what I mean?

Marco: Exactly. Like I said, it wouldn’t be about getting you off. It’d be about being a lover.

I love how we’ve gone from talking the future and robotics to… fuck machines.

Maybe that’s how the machines will eventually kill us. They’ll give us what we seem to all secretly want: to have sex with a machine. They’ll learn how to plug themselves into the wall and then they’ll jackhammer us right out of existence. Death by Kiwi, people.

MD: Speak for yourself!  I can think of nothing less appealing. Well, I can think of a few things, but that’s pretty high on the list.

Ultimately, I think that’s the thing here.. we think we want robots to automate everything, but it’s not easier. It just creates a new set of problems.

Marco: And that’s how we work, right? Today, tomorrow, yesterday. We like to make things simpler. And then we make them more complex!

MD: To use the words of Sean Combs… mo money, mo problems. Or … mo robots, mo problems?

Marco: Jesus, look at us. From Megan Fox to plastic surgery to robots to robot sex to Diddy. That makes sense, I think. Right?

MD: From two crazy people, yes.

Pics by Neemo

Hur jäkla sexigt är det med en plastdocka då? Fick upp ögonen för det här med real dolls när jag såg “Lars and the real girl” igår. En mycket annorlunda relationsfilm och jag måste säga att Real dolls är verkligen häpnadsväckande. Helt otroligt att det finns en marknad för sånt här, en marknad där man kan skräddarsy sin egen “verklighetstrogna” plastdocka för sexuellt bruk!

För er som trodde att uppblåsta Barbaror bara var för män, så har ni helt fel. Det finns olika sorts kroppsdockor att välja mellan, med valbart kön, hårfärg och hudfärg. Eller så kan man nöja sig enbart med en torso om man känner för det med.
Herregud.
Hur jäkla makabert är det inte att känna lusta med en halshuggen kropp som dessutom saknar armar och ben!?

Jag såg även en dokumentär som tog upp ämnet Real dolls. De presenterade en man som hade sex-sju stycken plastdockor och som självklart tyckte det att var fantastiskt! Han menade att dockorna var de perfekta flickvännerna. De lyssnade ju alltid till exempel.
Lars and the real girl belyser dramat kring en lätt psykiskt sjuk man som blir kär i dockan och hur människorna runt omkring honom agerar. Sevärd film.

Christina

i feel like shit

12:53pm

Alexander

ugh what

12:53pm

Christina

i feel like someone hit me in the head with a hammer

alex i had the most terrifying dream…..

i dreamt the contents of my vulva fell out

12:54pm

Alexander

noooooooooooooooooo

12:55pm

Christina

like i was a “real doll”

it wasn’t gory or anything

or messy at all

but everything in my vagina slid out after using the bathroom, like a chicken cutlet.

and i remember looking into the mirror (in my dream) and i was like…does this mean i don’t have a clitoris?

because at first i was just like whatever… less vagina material to deal with

but then i started freaking out…

The Real Dolls remixed Magic Arms new single Bootsy Bootsy, check it out here:

and buy the vinyl here!

Magic Arm returned the favour with a great remix of Real Dolls’ ELECTRO TSUNAMI:

Look out for it on a future release.

Peace!

Thanks to Marc Abrahams over at Improbable Research, we now know that the safe-sex message has reached even the darkest corners of human desire. Yes, necrophiliacs are making sure to pack a few condoms when heading off to the cemetery.

According to Channel 3000 out of Wisconsin, the state Supreme Court just decided in November 2008 that state laws forbid copulating with the deceased. A lower court had previously ruled that the state laws didn’t take a stance on necrophilia, which according to “Stiff” author Mary Roach, isn’t that uncommon. I mean, really, how often does this come up? As a result of the new ruling, the three men accused in a 2006 attempted grave robbing entered “guilty” pleas.

According to the original reports, the suspects were apprehended just before they could pry open the casket. They’d brought with them a crowbar, three shovels and — most remarkably — a box of condoms.

I suppose, on one hand, they should be commended for some modicum of good sense in deciding to wear protection whilst raping a corpse. But really, aren’t you far enough down the road to madness at that point to dispense with such human concerns? Lester Ballard, the troubled necrophiliac in Cormac McCarthy’s “Child of God” didn’t wear protection — though he did buy her a nice red dress.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’d have found it less creepy if the suspects in the 2006 incident had brought chocolate and flowers. The story reminds me of the 2007 documentary “Guys and Dolls” about the owners of “Real Doll” sex dummies. The guys who lavished their pricey, plastic faux ladies with fancy clothes or snuggled with them tenderly weren’t near as creepy as the guys who kept them stacked like firewood in the closet or had one hanging from a meat hook in their parent’s basement.

Is romance dead in Wisconsin? Do they really have upwards of 3,000 cable channels there? So many troubling questions…

Creep yourself out even more at HowStuffWorks.com:
How Condoms Work
How Dying Works
How can a corpse be incorruptible?
What makes graveyards scary?

I just finished watching a show on BBC called “Love Me. Love My Doll” about men whose primary relationships are with Real Dolls.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with Real Dolls…they are life like, life size dolls of women (and men!) that anyone can order for sexual purposes.  These dolls are made to order, so you can create and own the ‘woman of your dreams!’  They are fully pose-able with all the appropriate orifices.

Anyway, this show was really interesting…profiling the men who purchase the majority of these dolls.  They tend to be socially awkward and probably have been hurt in the past by women.  I personally think that having a masturbatory aide like a Real Doll can help these men satisfy their natural human desires, however, some of the men on the show have given up on dating altogether.  The statements made by these men who have foregone ‘organic’ women made me feel terribly sad for them; one man is quoted saying “Relationships with humans are only temporary.  How many people can say that the friends they had when they were six are their friends still?”

The truth is that people change thus changing the relationships between them.  One must grow, develop and mature in order to find her authentic self.  Such is life.

Below is a clip from the show:

…They do things differently there.

Etta James rips on Beyonce. At last!

Smallest known exoplanet may actually be Earth-mass.

Holy Shit, Batman! Val Kilmer to run for Governor of New Mexico in 2010.

German woman missing for 12 years found alive in Swiss woods.

Real dolls! Threesome! Grocery store parking lot! Florida (naturally)! Bouncey bounce bounce fun!

The Cramps’ frontman Lux Interior dead at 62.

“Careless” man “accidentally” flushes his “penis” down the “loo.”

Unlocking the secrets of very regular (but very rich) Americans.

The “Black Panthers” prepare to take out the Taliban.

Seven year old Indian girls marry frogs to protect their village from disease. Also, there’s no princes left in the world.

Primitive whales gave birth on land.

Hipster Runoff explained (maybe). This interview is interesting to me not because I like Hipster Runoff (I think it’s just so so), but the perspective on the maintaining of an online identity. The same as everything with Burial used to.

Great writers who wrote bad sex scenes.

Here’s some pictures of Obama on the job. And looking kind of GQ about it.

Find a man that needs you more than I.

My super spoiler packed super short review of last night’s episode of Lost:

Jin: “Wow. Fuck. That’s weird.”

“Take all reasonable advantage of that which the present may offer you. It is the only time which is ours. Yesterday is buried forever, and to-morrow we may never see.”

-Victor Hugo.

“People ask me to predict the future, when all I want to do is prevent it. Better yet, build it. Predicting the future is much too easy, anyway. You look at the people around you, the street you stand on, the visible air you breathe, and predict more of the same. To hell with more. I want better.”

-Ray Bradbury.

“It’s the business of the future to be dangerous.”

-Alfred North Whitehead.

“You know that guy aint’ shit. Sorry ass motherfucker ain’t got nothing on me.”

-Barack Obama.

ELECTRO TSUNAMI (Magic Arm Remix)

MY BITCH IS PLASTIC (JIM NOIR REMIX)

You know what?

Today (Jan. 5) is Diane Keaton’s birthday. Wow. Can you believe that? Annie Hall is 62 years old. Mind blowing. It’s also Robert Duvall’s birthday and George Tenet’s and… well, today’s kind a not so interesting day for birthdays, isn’t it? But you know what interests me more than people who were born today? People who were born yesterday… like our very own Peanut St. Cosmo!

Peanut, Peanut, Peanut. I held off on saying anything yesterday so you’d think we just weren’t going to say anything, but… well, we are. We hope you had a tremendously wonderful day and while you know that everyone here at Counterforce loves you, what you don’t realize is that…

THE INTERNET LOVES YOU TOO!

Oh, it so does. And that’s why I’m going to share a few of it’s majestic presents with you. I hope you enjoy them.

1. Guys and Dolls.

This fascinatingly sad and tragic documentary about guys out there who are in love with real dolls. You saw Lars And The Real Girl, right? That kind of thing. Once you enter the world of Davecat and others like him… well, there’s no turning back. Also, speaking of Ryan Gosling, here’s the first single from his band (I actually kind of dig this song).

2. Breastfeeding!

A woman who’s still breastfeeding her kids at 8 years old. Enough said? How about: “I remember it tasting really, really sweet. Better anything in the world. Better than mango, even!” Wow. Good times, right?

3. Jake Ryan.

Gay. Sorry to break it to you. And except for his hair, total Prince Caspian. Not only did he come out of the closet not too long ago (he outed himself via a fucking Facebook status update), but he was also an investment banker. Now he’s broke as shit.

4. Childbirth orgasms.

Exactly what it says on the tin. The world is an amazing and scary place and wondrous in it’s combination of the two, am I right?

5. Adventures!

May you have so many of them in your life that you’re absolutely sick to death of them. And then you can start writing really awesome and dirty books about your life and all your adventures and the rest of us can live vicariously through your adventures. I mean, more than we already do.

6. Ryan Adams.

Just for you, Peanut. Personally my general feeling on Ryan Adams is ehhhh at best, but my opinion of his music is somewhat higher than that. He strikes me as somebody’s dorky little brother who probably masturbates too much and thinks hobo chic and Bob Dylan are things to aspire to in the here and now, but what I think of him doesn’t matter. What matters is that you like him and I know you have good taste in music.

Once again…

Happy birthday, Peanut!

I’ll let Peanut post her own email address if she feels like it so you can send her private birthday wishes and inquire about the paypal account by which you can show your love for her monetarily, but feel free to start wishing her well right here. (I could tell you Peanut’s age here in a “Happy XXth birthday, Peanut!” sort of way, but to paraphrase Robert Frost, a smart man and a diplomat remembers a woman’s birthday, but never her age.)

The Honeydrips “Fall From A Height” (mp3)

Minipop “Precious” (mp3)

Royksopp “Happy Birthday” (mp3)

The Bird And The Bee “Birthday” (mp3)

GLOBAL WARMING

KILL THE FEELING

TROPHY

MY BITCH IS PLASTIC

A little something for Real Doll Guy….

I see the newlyweds are back from their honeymoon. My thoughts:

• Spencer’s hair looks like over-highlighted flames rising from his evil/ugly head
• Heidi looks like a Real Doll, which is fitting since that’s about how much personality/control she has.
• While their “elopement” didn’t include family or friends, it did include photographers from US Weekly and a film crew from The Hills. Trés romantic.

The Real Dolls just gave a sterling performance at MTV Liverpool Music Week..

Here’s a review from Liverpool Student Media:

Thankfully, The Real Dolls restored my faith in the night as their loud, confident front-man encouraged everyone at the now reasonably busy venue to move forward and dance to their electrifying set of sample based hip-hop fused with the authentic rock sound of an electric guitar and bass. These guys are the missing link in the evolution of rock music; breaching the space between the social commentary indie of The Arctic Monkeys and the grime rap sound of Dizzee Rascal. Spouting lyrics of the rappers dream of bitches and hoes The Real Dolls got the crowd to really get their freak on. It has hilarious to see three photographers surrounding the band at one point on the small stage, making the huge, yet endearing, personality seem like an all star rapper coming out of New York rather than a middle-class twenty-something from Manchester. Their set was disappointingly cut short at 20 minutes to make way for other acts to set up and play, but by leaving the audience wanting more they had succeeded in what every unknown band plans to do, give a memorable performance. This is a group I would love to see perform a full headline set and are well worth seeing whenever they’re in town.