Do you really want what you are dreaming about? Are you willing to die for it? Cry for it? Make sacrifices for it? Does it wake you up in the morning and does your dream lull you to sleep at night? Can you handle being persecuted for it? Can you trust your family with it? Does your spouse have your back? Dr. King’s dream cost him everything. Do you really want it that bad?

Recognize early that your dream takes more than you. You need people that you don’t even know exist. You need the people that hurt you. You need a team of people that are smarter, wiser, and better than you. These people will get very little credit and they are willing to help you because they believe in you and your dream. You may see it, but they will achieve it. Recognize early that your dream takes more than you.

Engage your enemy while you live out your dream. You will always have someone on the inside that really belongs on the outside. Don’t let that throw you off your course. Many people mess up because they focus on eliminating their enemies and in the meantime they lose sight of their dreams. Dr. King had plenty of enemies but he was fully aware that the greatest enemy to his dream was not another person. The greatest enemy to his dream was him. Every past success and failure would fight to gain and control his attention and by staying focused on the dream, he was able to keep moving. Don’t worry about who is against you. Engage your enemy while you live out your dream.

Assess your plans with God’s plans. Dr. King was being educated to take over his father’s ministry in Atlanta, Georgia, but God had called him to minister to the world. His father’s guidance was trumped by God’s guidance. Who would imagine that the most powerful man in the political world in the United States would be a young Southern Baptist preacher that “hooped” on Sundays and marched on Mondays. Don’t be surprised if your plans change mid-way. God is never wrong. Assess your plans with God’s plans.

Make sure you understand, your dream is not about you. Your dream is bigger than you could ever imagine. What you think you see is only the tip of the iceberg. Generations before you dreamed the same dream but they played a different role. Dr. King’s father encouraged his son’s dream by making him do field work. Dr. King’s grandfather was a sharecropper and Rev. King Sr. though it would be good for Dr. King Jr. to experience the hard labor of farm work. I can guarantee that Dr. King’s grandfather dreamed beyond those fields and I can guarantee that Rev. King Sr. dreamed beyond Jim Crow, but it would be Dr. King Jr. that would carry that dream to reality. Since the beginning of your family line someone has been dreaming. Make sure you understand, your dream is not about you.

#D.R.E.A.M.

One thing you need to realize is when you are not happy it creates a poverty mentality within you. I know that seems strange especially when most people equate a poverty mentality with a lack of money but that is not entirely true. A lack of money could create a poverty mentality but I daresay a lack of happiness is probably a better indicator of poverty. I’ve been around a lot of people who were considered poor by the world’s standards but were happy. And I’ve been around a lot of people who had every comfort and convenience you could imagine but were miserable.

A poverty mentality is a deficiency mentality and unhappiness means you are deficient in certain places in your life and most of the time those areas don’t have anything to do with money. Most people are deficient in their relationships and their emotions and they try to use money to fill those areas but it will never work. The only way to fill those gaps is to give what you need.

When you keep what you are suppose to contribute to a relationship you will find that no one will ever add up and you will switch out relationships like a bakery switches out its bagels and pastries. Relationships will teeter totter along the edge of a cliff because neither person wants to give the other one what they need. I have seen friendships and marriages crumble because although both individuals wanted to make amends, neither one of them wanted to make the first move. Rather than take a chance and be vulnerable, they would rather play it safe and participate in the deterioration of what could have been a great relationship.

Giving what you need means learning not to just be a taker. Victims are takers. Victims have a posture that says because of what I’ve been through or because of who I am, I’m entitled to take this from you and I am justified in not giving to you. The Bible, Mother Nature, your body all speak a different message. Don’t wait to receive. Give. When you give, you receive or as Galatians 6:7 reminds us; “You reap what you sow”.

You want friends? Be friendly. You want to be loved? Be lovely. You want long life? Be lively for a long time. Okay, I’m getting corny but you get the picture. Many people are unhappy because they are hoarding up the very things they need. Rather than give someone a compliment they will clamp their mouths shut hurting themselves in the process. Rather than helping a neighbor in need they would rather make every excuse in the book why they have their own problems to deal with.

We see it all the time when driving. A person will put their signal light on or make a motion so the ongoing traffic will let them in. I am amazed at how many people will angrily keep driving by or speed up to close in the gap ignoring the hopeful car with the blinking signal light. Yet, I know that if the tables were turned, those same drivers would expect someone to let them in and have a fit if they didn’t.

This Christmas many people will buy a gift for someone, but I am not sure how many people will give a gift to someone. Giving requires effort, humility, compassion and to top it all off giving requires that you not expect anything in return.

Isn’t that why we are celebrating Christmas anyway? Jesus was born in a manger with little fanfare. God took a great risk and gave the world a gift free of charge with no strings attached and no expectation that hard-hearted man would even receive it. And yet, thousands of years later, we still celebrate and honor this gift. Because of this Gift, we have the opportunity to have a personal relationship with God.

That is the secret of giving and thus the secret of happiness. Our giving not only fulfills our needs, but it fulfills the needs of others.

See you next week for the finale. 2013 will be your best year yet!

Super religious people will answer behind the pages of the Bible: “(shout-stomp-stomp-shout)I got joy, praise God. You won’t always be happy but as long as I got joy (shout-stomp-stomp-shout).”

I agree. God gives you unspeakable joy but that’s not what I asked you. I asked if you were happy?

Too often we equate happiness with the things we have, the relationships we cherish, the applause we receive, or the goals we’ve set for ourselves. But I’m talking about something different. I’m talking about pure, raw happiness about being you. When you stand in front of the mirror, are you happy with the person you see because that’s what really matters.

What really matters is the person you have become because that is where you will find happiness. People will get divorces, change careers, relocate, snip, tuck, and add in an attempt to be happy but never work on their authentic self. They never deal with their heart. As you read this blog I want you to deal with your heart. If you can get your heart healthy-not so much in a physical sense but healthy by way of your emotions, you will naturally find happiness.

Below are a few things that I believe lead to true happiness.

1. Forgive Yourself.
You did it. You have the t-shirt to prove it. You made a mistake and it is time to let it go. I know you should have. I’m sure you could have. And if things were slightly different you would have. But the bottom line is you didn’t. It’s over. Let it go. Forgive yourself and move on.

I really had trouble with this one and if I’m not careful I can easily slip into self-punishment. I really hate letting people down and when I do, I take it really hard and I take it out on myself. I drag myself through mental punishment and like a windshield wiper I go back and forth over the details agonizing over what I should have said, or what I could have done. That’s bondage. No one is perfect. Someone is always going to wish you had done things or said things differently. You have to be okay with doing your best and moving on.

2. Live Your Truth.
In other words be who you are. Dance to the beat of your own drum. Let your public life reflect who you are in private. What do I mean by that? Here’s a simple example. If you like classical music in your private life but in public you play rock-n-roll so no one will think anything about you, you are not living your truth. You are living the way you think others want you to live. Don’t do that. I know you may think people can’t handle your truth and for the most part you might be right. But I’ve learned the hard way that pretending to be someone you aren’t is slavery in the vilest form. And I’ve also learned that God can handle your truth and if He needs to change it, He will. Trust me. He’s changing me everyday.

15 years ago I had a person look me in the face and tell me, “Danielle, I don’t trust you. I don’t think you are who you say you are. I think you are fake.” They didn’t end there. They proceeded to tell me to my face all of their assumptions about me. I stood there refusing to bend, refusing to give them the satisfaction of seeing how hurt I was, and when I left I ran to my car and cried. I couldn’t believe what the person had said to me. What was worse, the person had only known me for less than a month and we had never spent any real time together. I was devastated and to top it all off I was a people pleaser so rather than just shrug off the comments I tried my best to “change” the person’s mind.

Now, when I reflect on the situation, I realize that person actually taught me how to live my truth. That person didn’t pretend to like me and talk behind my back (which is what most of us do). They didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear (which is what most of us do). They told me their version of truth. It wasn’t my truth. It was theirs, and I respect them for that. From that day forward, I knew who I was dealing with. I knew how they felt about me and I was never surprised again by anything that happened during the tenure of our relationship.

I have learned through trial and error and listening to other people’s stories that most of the grief experienced in relationships is due to the fact that people don’t live their truth. They will go years and years hiding who they really are and that, my friend, causes more pain than you could imagine.

(Next week, I am going to talk about how, Giving What You Need, Asking for Help, and Doing it Big can lead to true happiness. We only have 21 days left in 2012. Let’s not waste any of them being unhappy.)

So he supports same-sex marriage. So now since he has spoken in favor of it, the nation is coming to an end? You mean to tell me the moral disintegration we see in this country has nothing to do with the 50% divorce rate that our nation experiences? The moral decay that we are facing in our country has nothing to do with the glorification of sex and drugs, the child pornography scandals that keep arising in seemingly every other state, the promotion of teen pregnancy, the auctioning off of girls and guys who try to out-date each other to win their bachelor or bachelorette? The moral decay in our country has nothing to do with reality housewives who have to have cocktails, liposuction, and cat fights every few hours to stay sane? Now, all of a sudden the president’s opinion on gay marriage has caused the breakdown of the family? In the words of Bill Cosby, “Come on People”.

The Body of Christ has had countless Christian leaders and television personalities step down, take a sabbatical, or apologize to their congregations for the hurt they have caused because of their extra-marital affairs, tax evasions, drug addictions, and baby mama dramas, but none of this has affected how the Body of Christ is perceived? Yet, you want to blame it all on the President’s opinion of same-sex marriage-an issue that will be decided state-by-state regardless of who’s in office?

Black America, what else can he do? Can he make us value education over entertainment? Can he make us stop watching Love & Hip Hop Atlanta and force us to pay more attention to public policies? Can he make us take responsibility for the music that we have allowed to infiltrate our communities-lyrics that promote sex, drugs, blatant disrespect for authority and God? Is he alone to blame for the weaknesses within our culture? All he has done for the last four years is love his family and provide a positive image for marriage, parenting, and relationships. He has accepted full responsibility to lead our country out of a bunch of messes that he had nothing to do with. He faces disrespect and rebellious opposition from his own congress on a daily basis, and through it all he has maintained his decency, integrity, and professionalism. People like that used to be called exemplary, but I guess he is the exception.

I am frustrated with this pervading attitude that seems to be taking over our nation: Take Responsibility for Nothing, Accept every Excuse that is Given. Right now President Obama is the excuse that everyone can lean upon, but no one wants to talk about what their responsibility is in the messes that have been created in our country and that is tragic because all of us are responsible to some degree.

If you only voted for the president in 2008, but ignored local and state elections, you are responsible. If you are a closet Christian whose worship and service is active only between the four walls of your church, you are responsible. If you watch unhealthy reality shows and listen to degrading and exploitative musical lyrics because it’s “just tv” or it’s “just music”, you are responsible. If you have relied only on the television campaign ads and political talk shows to shape your vote, you are responsible. If you have ever remained silent on an issue when you knew you should have spoken up, you are responsible. If you are sitting on your ideas for small businesses and self-improvement, you are responsible. If the ratio of books to toys in your child’s bedroom or playroom is 1 to 10, you are definitely responsible.

Black America will change when Black America decides to re-prioritize its values and the Church will see revival when it decides to humble itself and turn from its confusing and divisive ways. Then and only then will God heal the land (2 Chron. 7:14).

So, yes you have a choice in this upcoming election. You can vote out the current president since he is to blame for all of the issues in our country and you can vote in his opponent so he can be blamed in 2016, OR you can take some personal responsibility and pray more than you complain, become more educated about the issues that affect your community, improve your lifestyle mentally, physically, and emotionally, and vote for the candidate that best represents this country both at home and abroad as we continue transitioning in an ever-changing, ever-evolving economic and social stratosphere.

If we do the latter, I guarantee we will see change, move forward, and experience the greatest comeback in the history of our nation. But it won’t be because of the president. It will be because of the people.

1. Procrastination. I am going to come back and finish this one later…when I finish discussing poison and pain…after my show goes off…right before I go to bed…when my grandma gets out of the hospital…when the kids get in high school, when I save some more money…when I finish my degree…

I think you get my point.

2. Poison. When you become bitter about something or someone, it really eats you up inwardly and causes you to miss out on opportunities to improve your life. The bitterness becomes a self-inflicted poison that clouds your vision, your hearing, and your actions. For example, let’s say you have been betrayed by someone who said they wanted to help you get your business off the ground, but instead they stole your idea, skipped town, and changed their phone number. That hurts. The worse thing you can do is become bitter and make the statement I have heard countless times: “I will never trust anyone again.” You basically just sealed your own coffin of fate. You cannot allow your previous experiences to lock you out of your future. Yes, situations like the one I described above hurt, but you don’t have to get bitter. Trust me, someone is going to show up who really does want to help you, but if you live based on your past hurts and rejections, you will close the door before it even opens.

3. Pain. My pastor says we are conditioned to move away from pain and towards pleasure and I totally understand what she means. It is easy to dream but very difficult to do what you dream about. Afterall, there is no fear of being hurt, rejected, swindled, or denied when you keep your goals and aspirations locked up inside your head. Stepping out there can be painful and we are conditioned to move away from pain and towards pleasure. Once you have felt the pain of being defeated, denied, or rejected, it is really hard to get back out there. I applied to graduate school last year totally certain that I was going to get accepted to not just one of them, but all of them. Actually the opposite happened.

I got rejection letters from not just one of them, but all of them. For a minute I felt really, really disappointed. I had been so confident saying my faith confessions and speaking my way into my destiny. I just knew that I was going to get acceptance letters and have my choice of where I wanted to go to school, but that didn’t happen. I really thought about throwing in the towel regarding pursuing my Ph.D. I begin to tell myself different reasons why I didn’t need to waste time, energy, and money doing research and studying for 5-6 years. The bottom line was I didn’t want to have face the pain of being rejected again.

That’s when Betty Wright’s famous anthem begin playing in my head: “No Pain, No Gain.” That’s right. “In order to get something, you got to give something. In order to be something, you got to go through something.”

Yes, she was talking about preserving a relationship, but the lesson applies to everything that you are fighting for. Pain is synonymous with Gain. Many of us have been centimeters away from success, but we gave up too soon because we were hurt, tired, exhausted, and sore. When you feel pain, dig deep. The finish line is only milliseconds away.

I am applying to graduate school again. I have hushed the “what if’s” in my head and replaced them with “when I”s.” You should try it. Instead of saying “what if I don’t get the promotion”, how about saying “when I get the promotion…” You will be amazed at the results.

Pain is not a message of defeat. It is a message of destiny. Lick your wounds, ice your bruises, and get back out there and fight. No pain, no gain.

One last “P” for you and I’m done: People. If you think you can get over hurdles like procrastination, prejudice, pickiness, pride, poison, and pain by yourself, you are sadly mistaken. Me, myself, and I is a terrible trio. Put someone on your team besides yourself and trust them. You’ve got work to do. Let’s go!

1. Being prejudice Success is colorless, odorless, gender-less. The most successful people normally don’t flaunt it and because of our obsession with things and how people look, we miss opportunities to connect and meet the person that can lead us to our next level. We size people up based on their skin tone and their clothes and what they drive and 9 times out of 10, we are absolutely wrong. The person with the huge house and 2-car garage could be pulling every dollar they have to make the mortgage, while the person in the 1-bedroom apartment is one-month away from paying a ridiculous down payment on their huge house and 2-car garage. Stop missing your opportunities because you are looking at the wrong things.

2. Being picky . My grandma used to say, Beggars can’t be choosy and I know you aren’t a beggar but if you are not where you want to be you might want to start acting like a beggar at least in theory. Sometimes, you only get one chance and that chance normally disguises itself as an “entry-level position”, a “background role with no speaking parts”, or “part-time with no benefits”. I am guilty of turning down opportunities like this. I turned down a coaching offer as a graduate assistant in which my duties would include washing team uniforms and making sure they were hung up in the lockers before games. I turned down an opportunity to be an extra in the movie, Juwanna Mann, as one of the female basketball players. I would have to drive to Charlotte which is a 4-hr drive from Greenville, and they couldn’t tell me how long I would be up there. Yes, the opportunity to coach is still there, but movies? Like I said, some opportunities are one-shot chances. Do you really want to be that picky? Take the job. Learn everything there is to learn, and if you feel that you are getting stuck or have hit a ceiling, leave.

3. Being prideful. When is the last time that you asked someone for help? Seriously? The Internet is great, and books are even better but sometimes the information you desperately need is in the possesion of another human being. I can name countless times when the help I needed was in the same room with me but I felt better pretending rather than being humble enough to say, “hey, my name is …and I recognize that you have done…could I ask you some questions?”

The bottom line is when you don’t like the direction your marriage, your finances, your children, your business, your body or basically your life is going, that is the WORST time to be Prejudice, Picky, or Prideful. Someone out there has the answer to your problem but if you keep acting like you have it altogether, you will miss your opportunity to improve.

Trust me, I have made a living of acting the part and in the mean time others were passing me by while I was pretending to have everything together. Its time out for hurting and hiding in our homes and on the Internet. Take a deep breath and step out. Attend a writer’s workshop, go out and talk to an college admissions counselor, talk to a couple that’s been married for 35 years, join a gym, take a small business class, or join a divorce-care support group. You only get one life to live. Stop faking it and start living.

But you know what? Regardless of what you decide, I’ve already taken the plunge. Prejudice, Pickiness, and Pride have stolen enough from me, and I daresay they have had their fun with you too. See you next week as I discuss 3 more P’s: Procrastination, Poison, and Pain…oh my!

I grew up thinking quitting was such a bad word. In the world of sports, quitters never win and no one wants to be associated with a quitter, right? Wrong.

The more I study and the more I grow as a person, I realize that some of the most successful people in life were once quitters. Steve Jobs quit Reed College after one semester, Bill Gates quit Harvard. Puff Daddy quit Howard. Moses quit his job in the pharaoh’s palace. Madame CJ Walker quit cleaning houses. Gandhi quit being scared of the British Empire (or maybe he was never scared…not sure…gotta check my source). The point is, quitting is sometimes the smartest decision you can make.

When you know that what you are doing, is not really what you want to be doing, quitting should become an option. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think you should just pack up your work area and leave. I do think you need to start formulating a real plan on how you can start living out your dreams.

I read a statistic a few years ago that 80% of working Americans are holding positions that they do not like. If that stat is true (and I believe it is), that is a lot of unhappy and unfulfilled people.

After reading that quote, I decided to ask various random people if they liked their jobs. One person was a registered nurse at the local hospital. She replied, “I hate my job”. She said, “if I could, I would quit and not even give them notice”. I was really surprised by how passionate she was about not liking her job. After all, she had gone back later in life to get the nursing degree. She was also making really good money. I asked her what she would rather do if she could. Without hesitating, she said, “I would teach. But there is no money in teaching.”

I learned two things from that experience. First, you do not choose your career based on money. Secondly, you do not choose your career based on money. I know it is repetitive but it is worth repeating.

We are taught very early that we need to “get a good job”, and make “lots of money”. That is what 80% of America’s work force is doing, and they are not happy. If you don’t believe me, ask your coworkers how they feel about their current position. In fact, ask yourself,”How do I feel about my current position? Is this really what I want to do? Is this the legacy that I want to leave?”

What would you do, if everyone got paid the same amount of money? Seriously, what would you do? Are you working toward that goal?

Like I said, I am quitting. I am working on my exit plan and I am positioning myself for the life I have always dreamed of. That dream includes being an awesome wife, a super mom, helping the disadvantaged, providing leadership, writing books, traveling the world, motivational speaking, preaching the Gospel, starting a nonprofit, blogging on a more consistent basis, and many other things that are still taking shape in my mind.

I have started doing some of the things I listed, and I am sure I can find more time for some of the others provided I am willing to quit. Admittedly, I feel a bit uneasy even typing the word ‘quit’, but I when I think back to the list of quitters I named above, I realize that I can get used to being called a quitter. Can you?

When I reflect back on my conversation with the registered nurse that hated her job, but really wanted to teach…I can only imagine the kind of impact she could make in the classroom and I can only imagine the kind of negative impact she made in the hospital…

I am quitting mediocrity, comfort, and predictability. It is time to live a life of impact and purpose.

So, who’s with me?

These are comments I heard throughout my childhood, not necessarily by my parents but throughout the general community. I learned very early that being black meant I would have to watch my back, work harder, keep my eyes wide open, and expect to be mistreated and overlooked for promotion.

When I got older, I experienced some of the exact same things that my community had warned me about, and I experienced the exact opposite. Some of my worst experiences with class and race came at the hands of other African Americans. Some of my best friends were white and they welcomed me into their homes and families with open arms. By the time I entered college, I was ignoring the warnings of my ancestors and community. Yes, racism, classim, and sexism existed, but I was going to make it because of my hard work, attitude, and apitude.

I even begin to challenge how I wanted to raise my own kids. Would I give them the speeches that I had heard growing up? When they came home from school and said someone else was chosen as captain of the team, president of the club, or scholar of the year, would I tell them that the decision was due to racism? In my mind, I quickly respond no. I will not develop a system of racial inferiority in my children by explaining to them why their skin tone makes them cursed. This is 2012 and people are not still judging others by their skin tone right?

Right?

Well…when I read about Trayvon Martin being shot in the gated community where his father lived because he looked suspicious and was wearing a hoodie, holding a pack of skittles, and drinking an iced tea, I realize that now, it is really hard for me to answer that question. I want to believe that I grew up in a better racial environment than my parents who grew up in a better racial environment than their parents, and that my children will grow up in a better racial environment than me. Yet, is that wishful thinking? Am I just being foolish to think that I can raise my kids to believe that they will be accepted by the content of their character and not the color of their skin? That there is no neighborhood where they can casually walk the streets, talk on their cell phones, and not be shot? That regardless of their first name, they will not be profiled on their job applications? That a certain dress code is not necessary and that policeman will protect them if they ever encounter trouble?

I really, really want to be optimistic, but honestly, I am just not sure. I want to think that when the time comes for my husband and I to enter parenthood, we will know what to say to our children about racism, profiling, and opportunity.

I just have to wonder, when thinking about my own situation, what Trayvon’s parents said to him when he was growing up. Better yet, I wonder what Mr. Zimmerman’s parents said to him when he was growing up. This is 2012, right?

Right.

This year, it was my friend Jackie Pearson. Her daughter and one of my best friends, Tecia, passed away during the same month (February 16) in 2009. Tecia and I had texted our usual good-night texts, and the next morning she didn’t come to work. I drove to Tecia’s house already knowing she was gone, and I was right. I found her in her bedroom, looking peaceful, but completely gone from this present world. We had made all these plans for the summer…trip to Seattle, return to Jamaica…more fun time and less work time…but now I have to make those plans with someone else.

So when Jackie passed, I had to take a minute and ask God what he was trying to tell me. I know dying is a part of living, but February was starting to have an ominous feeling about it and I needed some clarity. I had just visited Jackie and I had been doing so for the past couple of weeks. She was rehabing in a nursing home which she wasn’t very happy about. She was all smiles, as usual. Curtis was coming to pick up her in a little while, and she was happy to be going home for the weekend. We watched “Deal or No Deal” on t.v., laughed at the corny costumes, and talked about sugar-free candy (Jackie was a diabetic). I kissed her on the forehead, told her I loved her and I would see her next week, and I left.

The next time I saw Jackie, she was fighting for her life in the hospital. She was on a respirator, her body was breaking down, and after a few days of fighting, she too passed away.

I really, really needed God to explain all of these death encounters to me. I didn’t want to develop a phobia for February. It is one of my favorite months. I love it’s uniqueness. I begin to pray and reflect and I would like to share with you, what God told me:

“Danielle, each of these people impacted your life and you impacted theirs. You did well at times with managing those relationships, and at other times, you made excuses, refused to call, ignored the obvious, and avoided confrontation. Yet, Sasha, Tecia, and Jackie loved you and admired you. You gave them good memories and taught them life lessons. They taught you as well.

I am not trying to scare you or teach you. I just want to make you aware that your life as well as everyone else’s life is in my hands.

What I want you to do, Danielle, is live with a new awareness that tomorrow is not promised. Forgive, laugh, let go, and heal. Every idea, dream, gift, talent, and purpose that I have placed within you, start using it today. Don’t wait a moment later to write that letter, dial that number, develop that business plan, or prepare that sermon. Sasha lived. Tecia lived. Jackie lived too. Let them be your examples and stop waiting for the right moment…the right environment…the right person. I AM the right moment. I AM the right environment. I AM the right person.

Danielle, it is time for you to live like you were dying because you are. The day that you cease to be, is up to me. Until then, spring off the life boards of the people that have gone on before you, and enjoy the journey. The baton has been passed to you. Run. What are you waiting for?

Go,

The clock is ticking.”

Today, you have garnered a World-Wide Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for the dramatic, 48-year old movie called “Life”.

You smiled, you sang, you danced, you bowed, you spoke, you dressed, you gave, you loved. You failed, you hurt, you abused, you angered, you cried, and still you loved. We watched you pose, marry, mother, and act. We did so from private lives and we watched you live yours publicly.

This is why you are so deserving of Best Supporting Actress. No, I didn’t make a mistake and I do not mean to offend you with the word, “supporting”. I know I speak for many when I say that as you acted out your role in life, given to you by God, you supported me and thousands if not millions of others.

I have been able to make my mistakes in private. My secret loves and personal passions are still in my closet and yet yours were exposed for everyone to see. Thank you for your support.

So many women were able to gain ground while you bellowed out “I’m Every Woman”, and as you supported us by living, we did as most “best actresses” have done movie after movie. We forgot to acknowledge your role.

So many marriages gained strength from your public marriage. While many married couples were able to have their “crazy moments” behind closed doors, reality television exposed all of yours for us to once again criticize and explore forgetting again to acknowledge just how often the one we choose to love is not always the best choice for us. Thank you, Whitney for your support.

It is obvious from everyone that loved you that you lived every single minute of your life aware of your Savior, Jesus, and aware of your frailty as a human. So many Christians have tentatively supported you afraid of what those religious among us might say, and your funeral once again reveals the expansiveness of your support for others. While many of us have prided ourselves in our good church attendance, Bible reading, and pious prayers in front of others, you reminded us that it is all about the personal relationship.

48 years. For 48 years you have supported us publicly as we lived privately. This year and for many, many to come, it is you, Whitney Houston, that deserves Best Supporting Actress for the most realistic movie never written, “Life”.

I only regret we didn’t give it to you when you were a live.

Rest in Peace and we receive the Peace that graced your life.

Rest in Peace, Ms. Houston. You have probably taught us more in your passing than in your living…

1. Watch, better yet purchase a documentary or movie that honors African-American history. Some of my favorites are HBO’s documentary, “The Legacy of the Black Athlete”, Spike Lee’s “Four Little Black Girls”, BBC’s “The History of Gospel Music”,Juan Williams, “Eyes on the Prize”, “Rosewood”, “Hurricane Carter”, and “Something the Lord Made,” featuring Mos Def.

2. I am sure you can buy more than one, but at least purchase one book that is either written by an African-American or written about an African-American. To list all my favorites would be impossible, but I think every household should have a copy of Dr. King’s speeches, “The Autobiography of Malcolm X”, Alex Haley’s, “Roots”, Alice Walker’s, ‘The Color Purple’, Ernest Gaines, “A Lesson Before Dying”, Langston Hughes’s poems or short stories, The Autobiography of Frederick Douglass, Booker T. Washington, and Dubois’s Souls of Black Folks…and if you have children and have no books on Black History figures or with Black characters, shame on you. That is inexcusable. I’m just saying…

3. Sit down with your family, and discuss what it really meant to be a slave. You may be surprised by the responses you receive. Do not let your children be content to think slaves were happy with their arrangements on those plantations. Many school books have sketches of smiling enslaved children running and frolicking around the plantation. You have to dispel that myth. Slavery is one of the most vilest, inhumane, and disrespectful institutions ever established. If you or your children don’t feel that way about it, we all are in trouble.

4. Speak up and confront an injustice or disparity. What is your company’s commitment to diversity? Why are there no managers or supervisors of color? Get angry about being the “only” black in your office or in your class. That is not a compliment. Get angry if there are no blacks in your office or in your class. That is not a compliment.

5. Most importantly, do not let February be the only month that you ever acknowledge, study, research, or discuss Black History. Our future will not be secured by the celebrations and highlights that occur in 29 days. If we really want to create a brighter tomorrow, we will have to do it every single day. A story is written line by line, page by page, chapter by chapter. 29 days is a good start, but almost anyone will tell you that 29 pages is a horrible excuse for a history book.

Knowledge is power. The more you know, the more you and our country will grow.

Happy Travels,

Danielle Koonce

It’s simple really. The guys can send a monthly check to support their children so it is kind of like they are providing for their kids just like they were actually there, right? And the women can get the checks and use them to help raise their children. You know the check becomes the father, and the father? Well, he can go do other stuff like make more children and chase that paper (that’s a new phrase for getting money).

We do have more males in prison than in college, but again, we don’t need to march in Washington. Hip Hop (that’s a new music genre) loves to promote young black males with criminal records so there is still hope that many of our brothers that go to jail might produce a platinum album upon their release.

We are on tv a lot more. Your beloved city Atlanta promotes 4 beautiful black women climbing the success ladder, while back stabbing each other and raising their kids alone (remember we have Child Support now and Hip Hop artists and Professional Athletes create huge checks).

Yes, I’m sure it is weird for you to see so many of us tatted down from head to toe(excuse me that’s the ebonic verb form for tattoos). That is our new way of creating identity because we have no identity. No, the government doesn’t give those out for free. You either pay for them or have a friend or cell mate do one for you.

The church? I’m sorry, I can’t believe I forgot to mention that. Well, you would be pleased with the amount of people who attend and the social programs that have been created. Not sure how many people are actually followers of Christ. We have a lot of fans though. But fans help economically support megachurches which helps get the social programs out so we need those fans…I think. What do you think?

I know what you are thinking though: How do we get the message out about the economic, social, moral and political plight of our people if we don’t use the pulpits in our churches? Don’t worry, Dr. King. We have Facebook and Twitter now and we even have a website called http://www.blackplanet.com. We also have BET and they have really cool shows like “The Game” and “106 & The Park”. Who needs the church when you have these media networks at your finger tips!

So, on the day that was set aside by the government to celebrate your accomplishments, I wanted to give you an update. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. We have our first black president of the United States! I’m sure plenty of people have written to you about President Obama. Just wanted to save the best for last!

Cheers to Keeping Your Dream Alive,

Danielle M. Koonce