Most people in American feel the strain of financial stress around the holidays. Holidays mean that you need to buy gifts. Many more feel the pressures of the holiday debt in the months afterward. About 12 million Americans are still paying off credit card debt for purchases made last holiday season!  Why are so many people putting themselves under financial pressures to buy gifts that they can’t afford?

Some people  just truly don’t realize how much money they’re spending until later — Its the next month when credit card bills come in. If you’re unorganized with your gift shopping, it’s somewhat easy to not know how much to budget for each person Many people are unaware of their overall financial situation. The gift shoppers have no clue how much money to allot for the holiday gifts, so they just buy what seems all right at the time and pay for it later resulting in some debt that may take months to pay off.

While some of us find it easy to stick to a tight budget, buying gifts for loved ones can be tempting for the vicarious thrill it provides for the gift buyer (they do say its better to give than to receive. Some people find it easier to do nice things for others even when being extra tight with themselves.

We may accept this stress of going in to debt, because we see no other way to get through the holidays. We accept it and do the best with the budgets we’ve se for ourselves or turn into the Grinch!

A guide to reporting Sport Relief for young journalists, both sporting events and the issues which the charity seeks to redress…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: teacher education. The blog is also related to: skool.

the little things:

I should be in bed, resting and trying to relax. I’m shot and my body is turning on me…I was quite anxious at work today. Also, dealing with the family over Thanksgiving (by PHONE, mind you) has drained the life out of me. The bickering, the gossip, the whining (this is at work and within the family) it’s too much for me to deal with. The take, take, takers—I’m about to my limit with them. I am feeling the beginnings of a recoil. A retreat, a rebirth. A realization (again) of what I prefer my life to be. “I want to live a more beautiful life, albeit a simpler one. I want less editing, less worry, more calm, more grace, more sensitivity.” I will strive to remember this during my struggle this month and while encountering challenges in the new year. making do.

image via cute overload

by Dr. Brent Lipke DC

When Christopher Reeve aka Superman fell and broke his neck, his brain didn’t become totally disconnected from his body, or he would have died, but he did become partially disconnected brain from body. 

When this happened, less of the LIFE power from his brain flowed to his body and his body began to degenerate.

The day after his injury, although he looked the same, he was as disconnected from that LIFE power as he was ever going to be. 

Years later, before he died, how did he look? Muscles atrophied, organs weakened, but his body was the same amount disconnected from his brain as right after the accident.

All that changed, was time passed. What happened to superman in a second happens to people on a smaller scale every day due to the traumas of life.  They slowly get disconnected from parts of their body leading to disease.  Chiropractors focus on reconnecting this LIFE power between the brain and body, restoring normal function.

To learn more about how a safe, gentle and scientific, Chiropractic adjustment could TRANSFORM your health contact your chiropractor.  If you are interested in a complimentary consultation, CALL  The Family Chiropractic Centre, 519-837-1234. 

I’m Dr. Brent Lipke, educating you to help you educate others !

Well Day 2 went wrong. I had the day from hell. Child driving me bonkers, being naughty and making me feel like a terrible mother.

I set out to start so well. Had breakfast – Start – with skim milk. It was lovely and I was full. Then I went out for lunch because the boy was driving me so bonkers. Bad move. Ordered Brie and Bacon Pannini and curly fries, plus some chips for the wee one. Diet coke and Fruit Shoot. One hour later it hadn’t arrived and I cancelled the order and got a refund. I was almost relieved. It’s wierd, I was hungry, I was looking forward to it but I was totally relieved when it didn’t arrive.

So off we go to Gym Tots, the boy enjoyed a great run around, and actually behaved really nicely. We were both hungry by the end having not eaten before that we went to McDonalds, this is where I epically fail.

Quarter Pounder with Cheese (minus onion & pickle) = 460 calories
Large Chips = 450 calories

I had a large diet coke but that’s about 3 calories but all the shame and guilt of remarks made in the real world about “isn’t it always fat people eating burgers and drinking diet coke” made me actually sit and nearly cry in McDonalds. Bless my boy, he was so happy with his happy meal of fish fingers and chips and fruit.

Even worse, when I was asked about what I ordered at the Cafe and what I ate at McDonalds by my husband I lied. I don’t know why I did it but the shame was just ringing in my ears. To push the shame down I have eaten about a 1000 quality street.

I am looking in to hypnotherapy at the moment. I need to address my mental issues with food before I am ever going to address my weight.  I am scared of getting the letter to see the consultant. I have been really bad. I haven’t been to any bospa (British Obesity Surgical Patients Association) meetings or part 3 of the course. I am a bad fatty. I am going to ask my husband to read this and hopefully he will forgive me.

I can’t bring myself to weigh myself but last time I weighed it was 269 lbs. Fuck.

You wouldn’t believe it from most of my blogging, but there are several Republicans I support and admire. You may have noticed over the life of Is It Luck that the one Republican blog I consistently draw material from is called Little Green Footballs. Its author, Charles Johnson, is committed to Republican principles, but he rejects the torrents of nonsense spewing from the right wing.

Last night, he posted a list of theses that succinctly explains his own distaste for the stupidity that has become the day-to-day preoccupation of the right wing. Coming from a Republican, it means more than it would coming from me, so here’s the list:

1. Support for fascists, both in America (see: Pat Buchanan, Robert Stacy McCain, etc.) and in Europe (see: Vlaams Belang, BNP, SIOE, Pat Buchanan, etc.)

2. Support for bigotry, hatred, and white supremacism (see: Pat Buchanan, Ann Coulter, Robert Stacy McCain, Lew Rockwell, etc.)

3. Support for throwing women back into the Dark Ages, and general religious fanaticism (see: Operation Rescue, anti-abortion groups, James Dobson, Pat Robertson, Tony Perkins, the entire religious right, etc.)

4. Support for anti-science bad craziness (see: creationism, climate change denialism, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, James Inhofe, etc.)

5. Support for homophobic bigotry (see: Sarah Palin, Dobson, the entire religious right, etc.)

6. Support for anti-government lunacy (see: tea parties, militias, Fox News, Glenn Beck, etc.)

7. Support for conspiracy theories and hate speech (see: Alex Jones, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Birthers, creationists, climate deniers, etc.)

8. A right-wing blogosphere that is almost universally dominated by raging hate speech (see: Hot Air, Free Republic, Ace of Spades, etc.)

9. Anti-Islamic bigotry that goes far beyond simply criticizing radical Islam, into support for fascism, violence, and genocide (see: Pamela Geller, Robert Spencer, etc.)

10. Hatred for President Obama that goes far beyond simply criticizing his policies, into racism, hate speech, and bizarre conspiracy theories (see: witch doctor pictures, tea parties, Birthers, Michelle Malkin, Fox News, World Net Daily, Newsmax, and every other right wing source)

It’s refreshing to see a principled objection to right wing bullshit coming from someone who is no friend of the Democratic Party.

Even though most people go through life feeling like there is nothing they can do to help feel and respond the way they do to life’s “situations” I am going to share a number of simple ways that are proven to do just that. If you try some of these techniques you may finally find yourself truly letting go instead of pushing the feelings deeper down inside of you and choosing to find other ways  to not feel these unwanted feelings.

This is a big subject and simply reading about these different choices will likely do little for you. You do not have to believe that these techniques work to get the benefits from them, they simply work. Your mind (Ego) is not supportive of the process as it’s job is to stay in business, to keep you occupied so you don’t have to think about what you don’t want to think about, which you will anyways. All of these techniques work on a much more subtle level, until there are enough layers peeled away that you start to see or feel the light.

Top 5 ways to empty the steam trunk

1. Meditation.

2. Emotional Freedom Techniques.

3. Exercise.

4. Massage work.

5. Brain Training Music.

This is by no means is an exhaustive list and each subject has thousands of books and websites full of information on each subject. I am going to give you a  therapist and seekers view on these first 5 subjects.

Meditation

Is an often misunderstood modality. A lot of people simply believe they can not meditate as they gave it a try at one time. Closed their eyes breathed deeply for 5 minutes and it didn’t work. In fact they felt more agitated because they didn’t get the instant results they were hoping to get. There are many forms of meditation and you may need to explore with an open heart and mind for some time before you find your way in. Don’t give up as it does work and once you get there, there is little in life that can compare to the high you can get.

When I asked enlightened master Paramahamsa Nithyananda how drugs and alcohol affect ones path to enlightenment he replied something to the effect that meditation, drugs and alcohol are the exact opposites of each other. When you first do drugs and alcohol you initially feel a great high, but soon after you start to come down and feel the need to do more drugs and drink to try and maintain the original high. Unfortunately you do not get back to that same high and continuing to take more drugs or alcohol will eventually make you quite sick. Meditation is the opposite of this in that when you first start to do meditation you may not feel much (like emptying a pool with a tablespoon). If you continue to do meditation regularly, you will feel more and more of the benefits until you no longer have to meditate to feel the bliss associated with being present, living in the now.

This is accomplished by slowing down your mind, reducing your TPS (thoughts per second). With commitment and intensity you may permanently achieve a state of bliss that requires little or no meditation to maintain this state of being which is a state of enlightenment; with enhanced clarity through a no mind state you can become connected to feelings of unconditional love and a connection to all things.

Perhaps this is well beyond what you had in mind or think is possible. Maybe you just wanted to get rid of that head ache and drop your shoulders a few inches. You may still notice a greater sense of well being, less pain, and less drama with a 5 minute meditation that simply consists of slow conscious breathing. I will share some simple Prana (breath, considered as a life-giving force.) exercises in my next post. Takes only minutes and can add days months or years to your life.

I’m sure some fans will be divided whether the draw at Villa was disappointing or quite a relief. I personally side with the latter.

Villa was going to be a tough opponent simply because of how well-matched the squads are. I expected a high scoring game, however, I also believed Spurs would leave with nothing. 0 points.

I must say that I was disappointed after the match, specifically the 1st half. How does a team that just came off a monumental win play so inconsistently? I just don’t understand it. One game, we start off like title contenders playing poetic football. The next, we can’t even direct a single decent pass to Defoe or Crouch, a walking target for birds flying by.

The 2nd half was a total shift in momentum and something us fans would like to brag about. Why can’t we start off every match with that attitude? Asides from Kranjcar, the team seemed to be running on snooze. Palacios didn’t have the best of days; did show a lot of effort but it just wasn’t working, so I welcomed the Jenas substitution with open arms. And it paid off! The tempo changed and all of a sudden we showed promise. Dawson scored one hell of a goal – you would think he was a striker in his past life. Some might say it was controversial but the ball hit his shoulder / arm pit area so any evidence of it being a hand ball was rather inconclusive. Joy!

Bring on the Poo tonight for our Carling Cup draw!

If you are looking for the perfect solution to your joint pain problems, you might want to try out Flexcin. Our body no longer functions the same way that it does as we get older. As a result of this deterioration, we end up experiencing joint pain issues. No matter what we do to avoid it, we are sometimes held in bondage when it attacks.

Flexcin Review

Joint problems usually occur with swelling, stiffness as well as redness in our joints. Sometimes, this condition can be mild, while at other times it can be plain debilitating to the patient. Because of this chronic problem, there are plenty of products that have appeared in the market that help relieve this condition.

One of these helpful products that helps relieve joint problems would be Flexcin.

By containing powerful ingredients that help to get rid and minimize joint issues, Flexcin is surely one of the few that are recommended by many users. It contains a powerful ingredient, CM8, which relieves joint problems in three main ways. First, it functions as a main lubricator for the joints and muscles. Second, it gets rid of the redness as well as swelling that occurs in joint problems. Third, it also acts as a regulator for the immune system.

Bromelain, Methyl Sulfonyl, Methane (MSM) Complex, Glucosamine Sulfate Potassium as well as Collagen Type II are other powerful ingredients you can expect to find in Flexcin. If these ingredients seem familiar, well, they should be, since most joint relief products usually contain them. However, having CM8 makes Flexcin stand out among the other products in the shelf.

With so many joint relief products vying for your attention, it is easy to overlook the products that actually work, like Flexcin.

There is no reason to continue allowing thoughts of fear and unwanted circumstances to enter your mind in any way
you have the power to choose whether to continue entertaining any thought that arises or to let it go and recognize it is not you nor does it serve the purpose you wish to fulfill
choose thoughts that are of love that feel good
counter negative or unwanted feelings and thoughts with those that feel good and are wanted
this is the discipline that will assist in your alignment from moment to moment and it is essential to your reversing the momentum of attracting that which you do not desire

there is nothing that can make you any less than you truly are
an extension of source
of love of power knowledge and all that is
you are a creation valued equally with all creation
and you are an important significant part of the whole for you are that which source has chosen to experience as you
you are that which source has given the ability to fulfil your heart’s desires by aligning with source in this present form in this body and in this condition and circumstances
you are able to embrace the lessons of this moment and apply them to fulfil your heart’s desires
to fulfil that which source has brought you here for
to be limitless love and to shine that love and light to all around you
to be blameless
and to be forgiveness embodied in human form
to be all that is good and pure
and all that is loving
all that is best and highest
despite social convention
despite conditioned thinking
despite the false appearances and illusions
for there is so much good and so much beauty so much joy peace and love here for you in this moment
there is freedom
relief
and all that you desire
there is peace
now
allow and let go give into this peace
tie into this love
be that which source has made you as
the true you yes
let go of the illusions you have created of yourself and know that your true nature
your I AM-ness will fill the space of the released illusions
your true identity will expand as you let go of that which is false
that which does not serve you
know this and so it is

- Morning stream of consciousness writing from John Stringer

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Water Jel Burn Jel, Pain Relief 25 ea Review

This stuff is amazing!

I received a 2nd degree burn on my hand in an industrial fire. After dousing my hand with water for about 10 minutes there was absolutely no relief. My hand felt like it was still in contact with the molten plastic that caused the injury.

The first aid kit at work had this stuff in it. Although I have heard the advice: “Do not use creams or salves,” I was desperate and smeared this gel on.

Within seconds, the pain was GONE. And the redness disappeared within 12 hours.

I now carry it in my personal first aid kit for camping.

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silicone case Cymbals keyboards

Finally, everything went well. So it was Ganesha Debating Workshop 2009, an event held by EDS smazapo, which had taken all of my attention, since I was the committee haha crap. That’s why I never update this blog haha. You see we should deal with so many things such as inviting the speaker, permit for the place, arrange the time and concept, and, the hardest part, search the fund. We just get 300 thousand rps from the school while we need for about 2million rps for the program. We went to here and there to offer sponsorship and it’s just not easy. I realized that it kinda disturbed my school but fortunately, everything we sacrificed were not going into nothing.
Yes, everything was well. We got much enthusiasm from the participant (even it is kinda overquota but it’s ok) and we didn’t have any loss or something like that.

Haha sorry my English is nothing.

Hahaha (sorry I’m just too happy right now)

For years, our staff of the veterinary medicine clinic began to notice a disturbing trend. Despite the fact we had a number of medications and pet foods available, we were still watching animals suffer. We were overwhelmed with the number of animals that were coming in suffering from conditions such as equine arthritis, pet arthritis, animal joint pain, and canine paralysis. While we have an educated, caring staff, and offer all of the animal medications possible, we just weren’t seeing the results we wanted to in these animals that suffered. Again and again, clients would bring their pets back to the clinic, and tell us about their dog joint pain, horse paralysis, or pet paralysis, just to name a few of the common conditions. We tried to do everything we could to treat the animals and ease their discomfort. Unfortunately, we were finding that the techniques learned in veterinary school just weren’t having the effect of healing.

However, several years ago the clinic’s staff became re-energized about offering the best possible veterinary services. You see, the staff’s new energy was all a result of a discovery made by clinic staff. We discovered the Standard Process and Mediherb animal dietary supplements, and we knew they had the potential to help pets with their pain and suffering.

You see, the nutritional supplements we found have a cult following among pet owners. Over and over, clients rave about the amazing effects these nutritional supplement therapies have. These products effectively offer horse pain relief, animal pain relief, and pet pain relief. Despite the fact that our clinic endorses therapies such as animal chiropractic services and pet underwater treadmills, it is our experience that our available pet nutritional supplements have the most effective results with ailing animals.

Our clients agree with us; many hard to treat pet conditions show incredible results after using these available nutritional supplements. We have been receiving countless thank-you letters and phone calls; our clients often thoroughly describe the relief they feel about their pet’s quality of life. The supplements are developed using state-of-the-art methods, and specifically target vitamins and minerals that a suffering pet needs in order to not only develop immune resistance but also to heal. The supplements available from our clinic will support your pet’s cardiac system, skin health, adrenal glands, digestive health, liver and kidney functions, and endocrine system.

After you experience the effects caused by our quality pet nutritional supplements, you will become another pet owner who raves about Pet pain relief.

I think this song sums up my social situation pretty well right now, and it’s my favorite song.

I am behind on the NanoWrimo Novel because I have two jobs right now. I waitress and work in a department store. I’ll be finished with the novel a week after the deadline. I hope I don’t lose stamina. I haven’t been short on inspiration that’s for sure. Thank you for your support. It’s really made a difference.
With Gratitude,
Priscilla G. Robinson

Formed.
Well formed.
In relief
with the sweetness of silver
or gold
or bronze
copper also.
It is so much labor
to start from tar
and hammered metal.

So bright the pattern
so bright the smith.

I talk a lot about the way we think and how our thoughts attract what we have in our lives. I use to get frustrated that I still did not have what I wanted in life. I wondered what thoughts I was having that kept me from obtaining what I desired. As I have studied this theory and practiced it over the years, I have come to realize and understand just how much negativity I have had in my thoughts.

All we have to do is “tweak” our thoughts a little bit to be in alignment with the Universe, to obtain what it is that we want. The biggest thing is we need to learn is to stop WANTING. It is the wanting that stops the “allowing”. If we are at peace and appreciate what we do have in life, then more flows our way and we are able to “allow” it into our lives.

We may think we want something, however our hearts really are not in it. We may think we want something, but it is for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes we want things to impress others or to beat out the neighbor. It is not about things. It is about how we can serve others. It is about living our life in peace and with joy.

Once you start to notice that you are thinking in the arena of “lack”, you can then start practicing changing those thoughts to how it would feel if you already had what you were desiring. I catch myself all the time thinking about the wanting of something. At least I can now turn or “tweak” those thoughts and change them to a feeling of relief, peace, or joy. By tweaking your thoughts to those of joy and keeping it for at least 68 seconds (according to Abraham-Hicks), you start to manifest your true desires.

One thought of joy leads to another thought of joy and to another thought of joy. Practice this throughout each and every day and start noticing the little things that change around you. It might be that your travel on the road got smoother. It might be that someone you don’t usually get along with was nicer to you. It might be that you received some finances you were not expecting.

Keep “tweaking” your thoughts and you will start to experience some wondrous events.

I’ve been in the Philippines for a little more than a day now. I’m getting my body used to the time and the heat so I’ve been sleeping weird hours of the day. I am staying in Bacoor, Cavite just about 30 minutes south of Manila.

It’s a different world out here and sometimes I have to take a step back and realize the American ways of thinking go out the door in this country. What I mean about this is even though we work so hard to help the people here, there are many who are skeptical about the help we provide. They always believe that you can’t give without asking for something back. The true nature of giving is so hard to comprehend here since so many live to survive.

So I keep taking a step back and realizing that I can’t let the mentalities deter us from what we are truly hoping to do and that is to change that perception and to provide hope to more people.

My family:
The night I arrived, my cousin, Iking, and his family came to visit. He has three children ranging between the ages of 8-15 years old. My other cousin, Felipe, came with his small eight year old son, John. The children were shy around me since they speak very little English but they understand what I am saying to them.

My cousin’s family live in the slums of Mandaluyong. I remember several years ago, my cousin insisted we visit him at his home. When I left, I was in near tears. I had no idea my own family lived in such poor conditions. His family along with his wife’s parents and his brother all lived in a room the size of an average size American living room, about 10 feet by 12 feet wide. (I am only estimating. I just know it was a small place for 8 people to live.) I cried that night and many nights after that because i had no idea how this part of my family had lived. It was as Oprah would say, an Aha moment.

It’s people like him that made me want to start Child United. He is a good hardworking man who supports his family by running a small sari-sari store (a store providing candy and small sized grocery items.) The reason why I visited him was because he was so proud of what he had accomplished. I realized that something I perceived to be small was actually something that was huge to him and his family. I realized that no matter how little we give, it can mean so much to people living in poverty.

They built their home like many others, putting together cinder blocks, making a makeshift bathroom and using a gas stove top to cook on as their kitchen. They seperated their one room with sheets to provide privacy. They live like millions do here.

His children are what changed me. I knew if my own parents had stayed in the Philippines, I may have been one of these children. They changed me because no matter how they lived, they were kids… laughing and playing, grateful for the toys I brought them. I saw myself in them and since that realization, I have worked hard to provide for them and other children living in poverty.

We may not be able to help millions of people living in similiar poverty conditions but we can sure try, can’t we?

This is why we exist. It’s to provide hope.

Anxiety is one of the most prevalent conditions of the mind today.
One of the biggest problems with anxiety is its tendency to strike
at the most inopportune times. Being able to keep your anxiety
levels in check will make you a more resilient and confident
person. Fortunately, if your anxiety is not at the rarest form,
there are many natural anxiety relief methods avaialbel to help you
cope with it that do not need medical intervention.

Giving anxiety an all encompassing definition is
difficult because of its different effects on different
individuals. It does, however, share some common traits.
Anxiety is the feeling of fear we all experience when faced with
threatening or difficult situations. It helps us to avoid dangerous
situations, makes us alert and motivates us to deal with problems.

Everybody knows what it’s like to feel anxious – the butterflies in
your stomach before a first date, the tension you feel when your
boss is angry, or the way your heart pounds if you’re in danger.
Anxiety rouses you to action. It gears you up to face a threatening
situation. It makes you study harder for that exam, and keeps you
on your toes when you’re making a presentation. In general, it
helps you cope.

But if you have an anxiety disorder, this normally helpful emotion
can do just the opposite — it can keep you from coping and can
disrupt your daily life. Many people still carry the misperception
that anxiety disorders are a sign of weakness; a problem that
happens because you are weak. They say, “Pull yourself together!”
and “You just have a case of the nerves.” Wishing the symptoms away
does not work, but there are treatments that can help.
 
Anxiety disorders and panic attacks are not signs of a character
flaw. Most importantly, feeling anxious is not your fault. It is a
serious mood disorder, which affects a person’s ability to function
in everyday activities. It affects one’s work, one’s family, and
one’s social life.

One of the most proven and tested treatments for anxiety disorder
come from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. behavioural therapy that
focuses on behaviour in response to those thoughts.
CBT is based on the belief that people learn most of their
unhealthy ways of thinking and behaving over a long period of time.
Using a set of structured techniques, a CBT practitioner aims to
identify how you are thinking and how this can cause problematic
feelings and behaviour. You will learn to challenge negative ways
of thinking, which helps you to react more positively. This can
lead to behavioural changes and then to improved self-esteem.

For example, negative thoughts usually lead to upsetting or angry
feelings which can affect your mood and your behaviour. If you’re
unable to balance such thoughts with a more positive view, a
negative spiral starts and your perceptions of a situation become
distorted. CBT encourages you to challenge the way you react to
events, your beliefs about yourself and your abilities, so that you
achieve a more realistic view of a situation.

You may be thinking at this point ‘this is not for me’, But, if you
are prone to serious bouts of anxiety, you really should  pay a
visit to a doctor or therapist. When it comes to anxiety, CBT can
help in a number of ways that you may find surprising.
Perhaps one of the most important benefits of CBT is that it
encourages self empowerment.

The aim of CBT is to encourage the individual to take control of
themselves so they no longer need to visit a therapist. Lets think
of the example of public speaking and how CBT can instil positive
beliefs.  We can become agitated, a similar feeling to anxiety,
when doing things we say we don’t want to do or being somewhere we
say we don’t want to be. If I’m giving a talk to 500 people, then I
tell myself that that’s exactly what I want to be doing at that
moment and that there is nowhere on the planet that I would rather
be.

Remember that everybody gets anxious, no matter whom they are. We
make the assumption that we’re the only person who ever gets
nervous and the only one that struggles. There are plenty of guides
out there that can teach the basics of CBT, so don’t delay in
dealing with your anxiety problems right now.

If one of the things that makes you anxious is the worry of what
people think of you check out the course at http://www.triggeryourmind.com/

So today I called in the big guns on the heartburn relief.  Pepcid Complete.  You heard me.  Those of you who spent time watching TV commercials in the 70s automatically answered my post title with R-O-L-A-I-D-S.  You know you did.  And you were picturing Roger Staubach on the street with a microphone asking people about their heartburn.  Yes you were.  Fess up.

But it’s a new century and I’m spellin’ relief with a new drug (now, if you listened to music in the 80s, you’re singin’ Huey Lewis.  Yes you are.  Don’t try to deny it.).

I’m also asking my heart where it needs to open, because Anna’s comment below my Random Ramblings post really spoke to me.  It made sense to me that my heart chakra was trying, creakily, to get my attention.  In recent weeks I have been a bit more closed off emotionally than usual.  That was fine, nothing wrong -  except that I think my body is reminding me that I tend to function best when I’m more open in my approach to life.

It’s an attitude more than anything, ya know?  It’s a way of looking at the world that says “Yes” first.  That strategy  might seem to leave me a bit unprotected.  But part of saying “Yes” to the universe involves standing back and observing, then opening and allowing; embracing all the various feelings that come up, and accepting that life, love, peace, joy, and deep connection are NOW.  Whatever I want to feel is just a breath away.

It’s nice to feel relief.  It’s nice to live relief.  And it’s nice to practice radical self-acceptance in the still moments…

How do YOU spell relief?

The reality is that I will forever love him. It sucks and in some ways still hurts. But it is my truth. I gave too much, well maybe not too much, but more than he deserved. I loved fully and completely. Yet I loved who he could be. I refused until just a few weeks ago to see who he truly is. And even though I still love him and even though the memory of him leaving me cuts so deep, I feel relief. Yes. I feel relieved that I can move on. I feel relieved that I can be me. I can be passionate. I can be silly. I can leave the drawers barley open. I can get angry. I can feel hurt. I can cry. I can wear the clothes I like. I can write. I can have dreams and I can wait for him….the one who deserves my love and I his. Yes. I can live and be me. No longer trapped in a prison I created. One I created form love, lust and ultimately fear. Fear that if I did not marry him, he would leave me. Ironicly, in the end, that is exactly what he did, leave me. I gave him a gift, the only I was ever with and he did not care. He tried to love me. He tried to be that guy, but ultimately he is not that guy. And the time came when he could no longer pretend. He wanted freedom. He wanted “fun” and I was gone. I played my part. I did yell but when you live with a self centered man child, who would not yell? So many times I kept my mouth shut. So many times I over looked so much. In the end I see how I was never hit or yelled at but I was broken by the silence or the sly comments. I was broken. I was lost and tried to become all he wanted. Funnily enough he told me I was not who he thought I was. Maybe that is because I became what I thought he wanted. He pushed me to change my clothes, my hair. He never really supported me and my dreams. It was about his wants and needs. His dreams. Dreams I supported over and over with words, cards, love, money. My dreams were put on a back burner and I was lost in the midst of it all. Working, cleaning, caring. And yet he had the audacity to tell me it was me.

I thank God I am freed. It is so crazy to be in this place where I can see the whole picture. I see him clearly. I see myself and finally I am writing  and dreaming. I am being me and seeing I am not a horrible person. I am by no means perfect. I am flawed to the core but I am me and I am okay. I am passionate. I love deeply. I wear my heart on my sleeve and yet keep parts of it locked away in me. I have deep dreams. I get angry. And yet I am me and it is okay to be me….all of me. I always accepted him, flaws and all. The truth is he never accepted me.

So, now I move on; Set free. Free to love, free to dream. Yes I am free.

11-20-09 11:00 pm

Writen to You’re Not sorry by Taylor Swift

you tube video, as always http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5s3GUZiY39Y