Who says we can’t be office friendly? This one is a sentiment we think just about everybody can enjoy. Though we are guessing the younger ones, like 10 and under, have probably only gotten e-cards and txt holiday wishes for most of their lives. We do miss the real christmas cards.

Enjoy! and Happy every celebration you wanna roll with day!

I have wanted to write about marriage for a while so what better time to do it than when Tiger Woods is all over the news?

Let’s set the foundation.  Marriage is an institution promoted by governments to not only collect income tax from the profits generated in all the cost involved in the wedding, but also promote the idea of “family” to create stability and sustain population.  These are efforts to ensure the government has enough revenue to be self sustaining.  For those reasons, the government created more than 1,000 legal rights for married couples to promote the behavior of getting married. (refer to my other posts for other examples of where the government changes behavior through legislation)

In addition, the origin of “marriage” is not as sacred as people want to believe.  The original purpose of “marriage” was basically for a man to secure a woman as his property, so that no other man can claim her.  This country has “refined” it, if you will, based on this culture’s values, but there are some cultures that don’t do not treat marriage the same way we do (Arabs for example).  Do not be closed minded and believe that America’s definition of a marriage is the universal definition or that’s it is even the right definition.  There are cultures that allow polygamy and there are others that allow the husbands to cheat but not vice versa so the definition is not universal.  If you look in the history, there are countless examples of men having more than one wife when they are wealthy, even in developed countries.  Therefore, speaking of “marriage” as a sacred institution is just retarded because it is no more sacred than anything else man has created.

Enough of the background, the question is what is the purpose of getting married in America? Here are some of the responses I have heard over the years.

A. The most retarded, yet frequent, responses include the words “love” and “commitment”.

How does informing the government via the marriage license registration process have anything to do with love?  Do you mean to say you cannot commit or love someone without signing a piece of legal document that binds you two in a partnership? (and I do mean partnership as in a business relationship so look it up if you don’t know what it means)  If you don’t think your relationship can stay forever without the threat that one person will take half of the other person’s belongings or the deterrent of legal paper works to get divorced, then you probably shouldn’t be in that relationship.

If you are committed to another person, what’s the point of telling the government about it?  If you will love this person unconditionally, what’s the point of filling out paperwork at the local registrar recorder’s office?  What do they have anything to do with your “love” and “commitment”?  Why can’t you just be by each other’s side for the rest of your lives without involving the government?

That’s what I thought.

B.  Responses that include the words, “pension”, “tax benefit”, “inheritance exemption”, “insurance”, etc.

As I mentioned before, the government has set up more than a thousand legal rights for legally married couple.  Therefore, it is valid response to say that marriage is for the legal benefits.  However, it should be clear that this is the ONLY valid reason to be married, to not be excluded from a large set of benefits that the government put aside for married couples.

This is the reason why gays and lesbians fight for same-sex marriage.  They want to have the benefits of a married couple.  There’s no law to prevent anyone from having a same-sex ceremony or a wedding reception because it’s your money to spend.  So why is the gay and lesbian community so caught up on making it “official”?  A union can be “official” the moment you proclaim to your family and friends that you plan to spend the rest of your life with a certain individual.  Why is it important that you tell the government?  Oh that’s right, for the legal benefits associated with an “official” marriage.

C. Responses that include the words, “religion” or implies religion.

You cannot argue one made-up institution with another made-up institution because then you would have to prove the validity of the latter (refer to previous post).  It’s the equivalent of me saying “I’m right about X because I wrote a book about how right I am and X was in it.  So just read the book, you’ll see that I am right about X.”  Freakin’ retard.

D. Responses that include the words, “vows” and “ceremony”.

When has the vow ever meant anything?  Certainly it doesn’t mean anything in the current society.  Surely you jest when you believe that a vow will secure your marriage any more than that ring on your finger.  I am sure it meant the world at the time you said it, but all you have to do is look at the divorce rates in America.  If love is supposed to be everlasting and unconditional, how do you reach irreconcilable differences in more than half of the marriages in America?  Vows are supposed to be kept regardless of what happens, through thick and thin.  Right?

Look at Tiger Woods, even having one of the most beautiful women in the world as a wife did not stop him from wanting strange ass.  This shouldn’t come as a surprise when you consider that even Hale Berry and Jessica Alba have been cheated on.  The biggest mistake Tiger ever made was to get married in the first place, the next was to cheat, and the next was to get caught.  It is not right to cheat on his wife, but he should have thought about his choice of lifestyle before getting married.

Conclusion?

Marriage is not for everyone, just as it was clearly not for Tiger Woods.  Do not fall for the government propaganda and societal pressure.  Make your own informed decision, but make sure you educate yourself about marriage first.  Most important thing of all, understand the consequences to a marriage and stop thinking that you are the exception to the rule or that your relationship is unlike any others.  That’s what everyone thinks before they get divorced a couple years later and become one of the statistics, and in this country it is more than one out of two marriages end in divorce.

The point of the article is not to discourage marriages because as I pointed out earlier, marriage provides a lot of legal benefits.  A marriage DOES NOT GUARANTEE ANYTHING except for legal benefits so it should be treated as such.  The point is to understand clearly at the time you get married what these legal benefits are and how they weigh against the consequences of a legal partnership labeled “marriage”.

"Christmas is the Spirit" Me and Quernzy

Ponce here…

I just wanna say to everybody out there that it’s Christmas time and it means a lot to me. I love Christmas. I love presents. I love eating all the good food. And I love being together with my good family and we all get along. Me and bro are back in Louisiana our hometown Lafayette with the whole family and I love everyone.

I’m a lucky guy and I get all the ladies. I’m still a virgin but the ladies love me and they think I’m adorable and charming. I learned how to be charming from my father and my brother.

Me and Fahver (a.k.a Father) "He used to be an alcoholic but he’s cool now."

Father is a good man. The nicest man on the planet. He used to be an alcoholic but he’s cool now. That was a long time ago. He looks like Santa Claus now and he is Santa to me and everybody in the family. I love watching Sanford and Son with him because he reminds me of Fred. And I’m Lamont. And Mama is Esther. I love that show and sometime I watch it with father and we laugh so hard till we shit our pants. That’s a good laugh to have.

And I love my mama. I used to suckle her teets. And she took care of me when the doctor told her I should be put in an institution because I have Down Syndrome. That doctor can kiss my ass. He said I wouldn’t be worth anything to society but he was wrong and now he’s dead. So I win. Ponce FTW. And my mama never gave up on me and now I am getting smarter everyday. And my mama always looks out for me.

Me and my Mama "I used to suckle her teets."

Mema my grandmother is a really cool lady. She was in my Retarded Policeman episode called GILF and she was hilarious in it.  Love my Mema. She makes me laugh and it’s good to get along with her ‘cause Mema’s awesome.  She always took me to breakfast a lot when I was growing up and I love that. We would eat at Mel’s Diner and I always had steak and eggs there and coffee and she had good black coffee and English muffin. That’s some good Mema memories.

Me and Mema " She makes me laugh..."

Me and Stah (a.k.a. Sistah a.k.a. Sister) "She’s pregnant, and I’m happy about that."

Then there’s Stah. I love my sistah. She’s like a mama to me, and she also buys me good stuff too. She’s pregnant, and I’m happy about that. It’s a girl! And her name’s gonna be Mya, pronounced My-uhh. Kinda retarded, the name, but I will love that baby. Can’t wait till it comes out, and I hope she’ll be cool and I hope to get along with her too, like I do with Kaylyn and Rain my nieces. And I will tickle Mya’s armpits when she gets bigger. And I hope she’ll like it when I blow on her belly and make a Zerbert. It’ll tickle her and she’ll laugh. I love my Stah so much, no matter what, she’ll always be the best Stah. She’s cool like Molly Shannon from the movie Super Star- but Stah’s movie would be called SUPA STAH! And she’d put her hands in her armpits and smell it and put her arms up and say “I’m Supa Stah! And I will kick everyone’s ass if they fuck with me!”

My Bro-in-law " He’s the first guy Stah’s in love with that we all like."

My bro-in-law is married to Stah. He’s a cool guy and we all love him. He’s the first guy Stah’s in love with that we all like. And he makes us laugh- he looks like Ashton Kutcher. Everytime I see him I say “you just got PUNK’D motha fucka!” I love that show, but I love my bro-in-law more, he’s a cool guy. And he’s new to our family, so he’s a Perry now! I’m sure he loves that. His last name is Richard (pronounced Ree-shard). I always say to him he’s a Richard of a Retard!

Kaylyn, my niece, is Stah’s daughter. I wrote a good poem about her called ‘Kaylyn, My Niece’ and made it into a video, so click it to watch. I love my Kaylyn so much. She makes me laugh, and I tickle her armpits. It drives her crazy. She’s a cheerleader. I watched her cheer the other night and I thought she was awesome! I wish I could be a cheerleader like that. She also plays piano, she’s really good at it too. She also has a youtube series called Bipolar Sally. She’s crazy. Click on that too! It’s really hilarious. My favorite one is “jumping on the bed!” My other favorite is a prank call. I love my Kaylyn, and she’s also pretty. She’s gettin’ so big like an adult!

Kaylyn "I tickle her armpits." and Rain "She makes me happy."

And Rain (Rainderrr) is here for the first time and I am really happy about that. She flew out here from California to spend Christmas with us. I can’t wait to have some good potatoes that she’s gonna cook us- She calls them ‘Rain’s Amazing Potatoes’ and I hope it’s gonna be amazing. I haven’t seen her since the summer, and we had coffee at Psychobabble with Dirty Jenny and Teresa. I love my Rain so much. She makes me happy and I will always love her even when I tickle her armpits cuz I know it drives her crazy – but she loves it! I’m just an armpit guy. After Christmas, bro and Rain and I are flying back to California to hang out with her two mamas, Michelle and Veronika. I’m very excited. I can’t wait to take them all to Yogurtland and Pho-21.

Me and bro (a.k.a. my Bitch) "We will always be brothers like Rain Man and Twins."

And then there’s bro. He makes me laugh. Sometimes we fight but we fight like brothers. He’s concerned about me a lot and protects me. I think he’s a cool guy. He’s the best bro ever. We are the best. We will always be brothers like Rain Man and Twins. I love my bro forever and ever and he helps me keep all my stuff neat and buys me cool clothes and DVDs and I’m happy about that. And we write some very good TV shows and movies and videos together a good team we are.  And he also told me to go dance with some hot ladies the other night at the bar and I did and I got a smooch from the really sexy one. So anyway, that’s what I have to say about my bro. xoxo

Our family had some hard times and we still do but we always get through all the bad stuff and stay together forever.

If you ever have a bad time with your family don’t ever give up on them. Everybody can change even if they are old or young or whatever. And Christmas is a good time of the year for family. Christmas is the spirit and it only happens every year. So can‘t wait for new years.

So here’s Christmas is the Spirit the song I wrote with bro. I wrote most of the lyrics and bro helped and he wrote the music and then Dirty Jenny played guitar on it. Bro plays the other instruments and my sweet Quernzy sings it. I almost fell asleep when we made this video because I was being a lazy bum and didn’t get too much sleep that night before so I almost blew it. But I finally did it and did a funny jolly good elf.

Perry Christmas everybody.

Rock on – Ponce

Fenga papit

That’s not much of an update, maybe, but every once in a while we here at SCFOM feel the need to let you, the Fat American reader couch potato, know that your kids are just as dumb as you were and probably as dumb as your parents were (before they went to World War II and saved us from Hitler).

See, Fat American kids love the Facebook. They love it so much that they spend hours a day on it. As if their SAT and regular school test scores weren’t bad enough, now they’re playing Farmville all the god damn time and making it harder to get into a mediocre overpriced state school. From the New York Times:

[Halley Lamberson, 17, and Monica Reed, 16,] are among the many teenagers, especially girls, who are recognizing the huge distraction Facebook presents — the hours it consumes every day, to say nothing of the toll it takes during finals and college applications, according to parents, teachers and the students themselves.

Some teenagers, like Monica and Halley, form a support group to enforce their Facebook hiatus. Others deactivate their accounts. Still others ask someone they trust to change their password and keep control of it until they feel ready to have it back.

The poor kids. First one of them has to suffer through a life with the name “Halley.” Then they have to — gasp! — have private computer access! Then they have to do something so much that only privileged people could possibly have a problem with it. (And they have to be privileged, because in case you forgot, the New York Times still only writes lifestyle stories about rich white people.)

Here’s where this story goes from being mildly interesting piffle to “I can’t believe someone is saying this with a straight face.”

It’s like any other addiction,” Dr. Young said. “It’s hard to wean yourself.”

Dr. Young said she admired teenagers who came up with their own strategies for taking Facebook breaks in the absence of computer-addiction programs aimed at them.

“A lot of them are finding their own balance,” she said. “It’s like an eating disorder. You can’t eliminate food. You just have to make better choices about what you eat.” She added, “And what you do online.”

Yeah, OK. You know what I admire teenagers for? Next to nothing. These are the people who gave us Kings of Leon, after all. And like many other addictions, spending too much time on Facebook will lead to your death.

Oh, wait! No it won’t! I was thinking about heroin. Do too much heroin and you’ll die. Spend too much time on Facebook and you won’t miss that fab rumor about when Jenny got fingered on the bus after the senior ski trip (relax — she’s 18).

It’s such uncharted territory,” Dr. [Michael] Diamonti said. “I’m definitely in support of these kids recognizing that they need to exercise some control over their use of Facebook, that not only is it tremendously time consuming but perhaps not all that fulfilling.”

Hey, know what else is apparently uncharted territory? Fucking parenting! How about taking away the laptop and the iPhone and making the little fuckers, I dunno, do their goddamn homework? Oh, wait: It’s so tough to be a parent because of all the blah blah blah oh shut the fuck up.

Many high school seniors, now in the thick of the college application process, are acutely aware of those hours spent clicking one link after another on the site.

Gaby Lee, 17, a senior at Head-Royce School in Oakland, Calif., had two weeks to complete her early decision application to Pomona College. Desperate, she deactivated her Facebook account.

The account still existed, but it looked to others as if it did not.

“No one could go on and write on my wall or look at my profile,” she said.

The habit did not die easily. Gaby said she would sit down at the computer and find that “my fingers would automatically go to Facebook.”

How about if your fingers went to the car keys and then to the gym and did 35 minutes on the treadmill? How about that shit? (I’m only assuming Gaby is fat because Gaby is a fat girl’s name.)

You’re getting a feed of everything everyone is doing and saying,” [author Rachel] Simmons said. “You’re literally watching the social landscape on the screen, and if you’re obsessed with your position in that landscape, it’s very hard to look away.”

Oh. My. God.

Know what’s hard to turn away from? Crystal meth. Let these kids tweak for three days and you’ll be begging them to drop the pipe and get back online.

After several failed efforts at self-regulation, Neeka Salmasi, 15, a sophomore at Greenhills School in Ann Arbor, Mich., finally asked her sister, Negin, 25, to change her Facebook password every Sunday night and give it back to her the following Friday night.

Neeka quickly saw an improvement in her grades.

Still better, she said, is that her mother no longer visits her room “every half an hour to see if I was on Facebook or doing homework.”

“It was really annoying,” she said.

Know what else is really annoying? The fact that your mother’s the kind of pussy who wouldn’t snatch you up bald-headed and tell you that if you spent one more minute on Facebook she was going to throw over a highway overpass and let you fend for yourself.

But look! It all has a happy ending.

Halley said she and Monica expect their hiatus to continue at least through the rest of the school year. She added that they were enjoying a social life lived largely offline.

“Actually, I don’t think either one of us wants it to end,” she said.

Hey, know how to do that? DON’T GO BACK ONLINE. Problem solved in one sentence.

Ms. Palin has a whole slew of awards on her mantle already, including “Most prolific quitter,” “Least effective state executive,” “Dumbest publicity stunt,” and the annual “Wasila, Alaska, Rickets Telethon ‘Least Valuable Spokesperson.’” And now she can add the dubious honor of having told the lie of the year!

The real question is: How does she accomplish so much while being so incredibly vapid? That’s another question for another time, of course. Below is the CNN video explaining how the whole process works. Just wait until you get to the section in which Palin, despite being told all evidence to the contrary, defends her use of the phrase “death panels” and says she still believes they exist. We have to laugh because if we didn’t, we’d probably cry and maybe go on a “death panel spree.”

Read the full story at PolitiFact.

If you missed the Senate’s thrilling debate over health care this weekend, you missed some pretty freakin’ awesome stuff. At least we figure that’s probably the case (we didn’t watch either). Of course, when in doubt we turn to the Washington Post and their man on the streets, Dana Milbank. What’d we miss? Oh, just Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) leading a prayer that one of his Democratic colleagues wouldn’t make it to Sunday’s vote.

At 4 p.m. Sunday afternoon — nine hours before the 1 a.m. vote that would effectively clinch the legislation’s passage — Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) went to the Senate floor to propose a prayer. “What the American people ought to pray is that somebody can’t make the vote tonight,” he said. “That’s what they ought to pray.”

It was difficult to escape the conclusion that Coburn was referring to the 92-year-old, wheelchair-bound Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.V.) who has been in and out of hospitals and lay at home ailing. It would not be easy for Byrd to get out of bed in the wee hours with deep snow on the ground and ice on the roads — but without his vote, Democrats wouldn’t have the 60 they needed.

Dick Durbin went out to the floor later and asked Coburn to clarify his request. He called Coburn’s office, asked the senator to return to the floor and waited. Coburn never showed. Of course, he was probably busy praying for Robert Byrd to die, so we understand his absence.

Coburn did eventually show — nine hours later — and shockingly, he wasn’t dressed appropriately for the U.S. Senate.

From the same article:

Coburn was wearing blue jeans, an argyle sweater and a tweed jacket with elbow patches when he walked back into the chamber a few minutes before 1 a.m. He watched without expression when Byrd was wheeled in, dabbing his eyes and nose with tissues, his complexion pale. When his name was called, Byrd shot his right index finger into the air as he shouted “aye,” then pumped his left fist in defiance.

Oh for goodness sakes who called Susan Boyle a retard? Was that you Paul Henry? The New Zealand presenter is now in big, big trouble after saying “Here’s the really interesting revelation: she is in fact retarded. If you look at her carefully, you can make it out.”  Sheez Henry, no one puts  Susan  in the corner!

Hello!

And welcome to a very special Christmas Edition of Monday by The Magazine Rack, our general discussion thread where we can all talk about anything that might tickle yer fancy (so to speak).

Well poor old Amy Winehouse is back in the news again for all the wrong reasons and is apparently back on the hard stuff after kicking a Theatre Manager in the nuts and disrupting a children’s pantomime performance of Cindarella.

According to The Sun, the pint-sized pop pin-cushion screamed and yelled abuse at the performers causing the audience of children to burst out crying!

OH YES SHE DID! Parents and kids were shocked as the singer – in the audience for a performance of Cinderella – heckled the cast and kept shouting: “He’s f**king behind you, he’s f**king behind you!!” during the show.

OH NO SHE DIDN’T! Wrecked Amy would not sit down as she blocked the view of families by standing up in the stalls and walking along rows.

OH YES SHE DID! She called out for more than half an hour in the first act, yelling: “F**k Cinders, Prince Charming, marry me” and branding the Ugly Sisters as “bitches”.

OH NO SHE DIDN’T! She refused to be ushered to a box after the interval and allegedly launched herself at front-of-house manager Richard Pound – allegedly pulling his hair, punching him and kicking him between the legs.

That’s quite a remarkable performance!

Meanwhile in New Zealand, high-profile television presenter Paul Henry has apologised for calling Scottish singing sensation Susan Boyle “retarded.”

“If you look at her carefully, you can make it out,” Henry told viewers on breakfast television.

What an absolute moron.

In other celebrity news someone called Brittany Murphy (whoever that is) has died at the tender age of 32.

Once again, that bastion of quality journalism The Sun reports that her friends feared Murphy may have been killed by the same prescription drugs Michael Jackson was taking, including Vicodin, after a series of plastic surgery operations led her to become hooked on painkillers.

“We have been very worried something like this was about to happen,” a friend told The Sun. “Brittany has been living life on the edge. She definitely had a drug problem and we have all begged her to seek help. Sadly our words fell on deaf ears,”

“Rumours of an eating disorder also led to speculation about cocaine use.”

Who would’ve thought..?

Anyways, I hope you all have a good week ahead and a top Christmas!

Sadly she’s not quitting, say, existence. She’s quitting her vacation because…let’s let her explain it. From Politico:

“In an attempt to ‘go incognito,’ I Sharpied the logo out on my sun visor so photographers would be less likely to recognize me and bother my kids or other vacationers.”

Yeah, you were attempting to be incognito. (See this post for our thoughts on that.) She then uses the word “incognito” twice more in her statement. Did she learn a new word and want to show off? Hey, LA Times: Here’s a trend story for you!

We’re guessing she didn’t remember how much she dislikes Asians, and was stunned so many live in Hawaii.

We’re not even sure under which category this falls: child acting out? Just plain dumb?

Here’s what happened. Sarah Palin went to Hawaii to take a break from her madcap tour of white trash ‘burgs signing books held by people who can’t read. While in Hawaii she wore a visor with the word “McCain” on it, except the word “McCain” was blacked out, presumably with a Sharpie or some other kind of marker or fancy writin’ device that she recently learned to use. From CNN’s Political Ticker:

[TMZ] declared the hat a “frontal attack on Sen. John McCain,” but Palin told Politico she was merely trying to “be incognito” while vacationing in Hawaii.

“I am so sorry if people took this silly incident the wrong way,” Palin said in a statement to the Web site. “I adore John McCain, support him 100 percent and will do everything I can to support his reelection. As everyone knows, I was honored and proud to run with him. And Todd and I were with him in D.C. just a week ago. So much for trying to be incognito.”

Trying to be incognito? We call bullshit.

Ms. Palin, you’re telling us that you, one of the most recognizable women in the world, were wearing a McCain visor with his name blacked out in order to be incognito? You, who loves the spotlight so much that you’ll do anything to keep yourself in it? You’re either more stupid than we thought or you’re a liar. (Going with the latter, though we should probably assume it’s both.)

The National Association of Latino Elected Officials has an interesting poster and message they’d like to share with all of the hermonos y hermanas out there. Regarding the Census:

This is how Jesus was born,” the poster states. “Joseph and Mary participated in the Census. Don’t be afraid.”

Um, what? That’s certainly not our understanding of how babies — especially baby Jesus — are made. Kind of makes us not want to fill out the freakin’ Census.

Of course, that would just mean crazy-eyed Michele Bachmann would get what she wants, so we’re not about to do that. In fact, we intend to team with ACORN and Jesus and fill out at least 9 million Census forms, all of them for either illegal aliens or minorities, ensuring at least four more years of Obama! BOOGA BOOGA!

Needless to say, some Christians were totally infuriated by the poster, because as we all know, the likeness of Jesus is only to be used in endorsing wars and promoting capital punishment.

Ah, nothing like a little visit from La La Land. Let’s watch Jon Stewart and “The Daily Show” react as Laura Ingraham paraphrases Pastor Martin Niemöller’s “First They Came,” because the health care bill before the Senate is juuuust like the Nazi rise to power.

And no, that debate is not coming from World Net Daily or the LA Times (though to be fair, neither of those institutions really practices journalism). It’s coming from the BBC. The goddamn BBC! Oh, whither BBC?

We’re not making up the fact that the BBC actually asked the question: “Should homosexuals face execution?” Here’s a screen shot.

The best part is the follow-up. “Yes, we accept that it is a stark and disturbing question. But this is the reality behind an Anti-Homosexuality Bill being debated on Friday by the Ugadan parliament…” And we thought Uganda had come so far since Idi Amin!

Anyway, the BBC, doubtless in a drive to get viewers to its site, has missed the point. The point is not whether homosexuals should be executed for being homosexuals. The point is: What Western news organization in its right fucking mind would pose that question?

We’re all for freedom of the press because it allows us to write that Michele Bachmann is a lying, scheming, small-minded twit. With the caveat that the British press is not free as is the American press, there’s still a responsibility that an editor has to his readership: Don’t pander. Don’t incite. Don’t be part of the problem. By asking that question, an outlet such as the BBC gives the question a legitimacy that it shouldn’t have.

The rest of the BBC’s piss-poor debate fodder is as follows:

Has Uganda gone too far? Should there be any level of legislation against homosexuality? Should homosexuals be protected by legislation as they are in South Africa? What would be the consequences of this bill to you? How will homosexual ‘offences’ be monitored? Send us your views.

No, there should not be any level of legislation against homosexuality. Even the British government, late to the table as always, decriminalized homosexuality in 1967. What’s wrong with you?

So to our point: Fuck you, BBC. We’ll leave the final word with commenter “Gay Guy.”

This brings back some fond memories

Move over, Barack Obama, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi; next year’s Nobel Prize for…climatology (?) is straight cold going to Matt Drudge. Without so much as a siren announcement, secretly-gay blogger Matt Drudge has debunked global warming — again! Hooray!

That’s right, you can forget “Climategate” and science. With one simple — but amazing — headline, the debate is over. Behold the power of Drudge:

Holy Fucking Shit! “Heavy snowfall”! In Copenhagen! In December! WTF!?

How can the globe possibly be getting warmer if it’s snowing in the Baltic Sea a week before Christmas!? Is anyone even paying attention?

Hopefully some of those fat cat pretty boy world leaders who’ve gone to Copenhagen actually go outside and notice that packing nothing but Bermuda shorts and Hawaiian shirts was a bad idea! Oh, you were expecting global warming to keep you toasty!? Well guess again!

According to the BBC, the average high temperature in Copenhagen in December is 4 degrees; the average low is 1. Of course, both of those temperatures are in Celsius, so that may or may not help our case. Sure sounds cold, though! Oh, and while we’re at it, check out the number in the far right column. Copenhagen gets on average 17 days of precipitation in December. Seems to us that if the temperature is 1 degree, you live on the freakin’ Baltic Sea just south of Sweden and you get precipitation two out of every three days, snow isn’t really news.

Then again, we aren’t the ones who just tore global warming a new one.

Matt Drudge, everybody! The only man in the world who thinks snow in Scandinavia is news.

DIRTY PONCEY

Ponce here…

We worked our butts off and finally got the Tshirt store working. Me and bro did a lot of designs and got some cool stuff like buttons and stickers and other stuff and I hope you guys like all of it.

My favorite tshirt is PONCHE’ and also Dirty Poncey. And I love the stickers too. I hope everybody digs it cause it’s groovy.

So go check it out and rock on – Ponce

PONCHE' is my favorite - Ponce

SAP here…

First off, I would just like to make something very clear to all the Retarded Policeman fans out there. And also clear for people who are still on the fence as to why we are no longer making episodes with Greg Benson/mediocrefilms.

• Mediocrefilms has sold THOUSANDS of dollars worth of RETARDED POLICEMAN merchandise.
• Ponce IS the Retarded Policeman. The series was created FOR HIM, regardless of what Greg Benson has decided to claim nearly 70 million views later.
• I, SAP, designed ALL THE T-SHIRTS, BUTTONS, STICKERS that he continues to sell.
• Greg Benson has paid us NOTHING for any RP merchandise sold (including DVD)

I busted my ass designing that Retarded Policeman merchandise. Including setting up the photo shoot that ended up being the artwork for DVD… which we have also received ZERO compensation for, and he has sold thousands of dollars worth of those as well.

We were supposed to split everything 50/50.

I hope this paints a clearer picture of why we cannot continue to work under those circumstances with those kinds of business practices as standard of operations.

SOUR GRAPES ASIDE, MOVING ON, WE NOW LAND….. HERE:

THE PERRY BROTHERS PALACE O’ COOL STUFF

As Ponce said, we finally got our own Tshirts, buttons, stickers and other goodies made and are finally launching our store. Again, much ass was busted designing these little wonders and Ponce was a great help in the whole process too. We made everything very personal and fun.

Also, we decided to give FREE signed postcards with every order. That’s something we plan on doing as long as we are alive and kicking. We built this store for the fans, and we hope you guys like everything we have made for you. It is 100% our blood, sweat, and tears in every item. We have kept the prices low and will continue to keep them that way.

So please, check out all the goodies, if you like something, go for it. Pass it on to your friends and spread the Perry Brother love around the world.

-SAP

www.ponceman.com

RELATED POST: Filling in (a few of) the Blanks about Retarded Policeman

Astea-s cateva exemple de search-uri care au trimis trafic catre al meu blog. Unele sunt amuzante si…seriously, cand au devenit oamenii asa de analfabeti?

“dacia spidey”? Wtf?

Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was four, and not fluently in his own language until he was eight or nine.
His parents thought he might be retarded.

Source: http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/kids/klalpage.htm

When the Governor goes and cheats on his wife with some random civilian woman, possibly a prostitute, possibly just some random housewife, whoever- everyone, automatically must know who she is. This woman is suddenly drug into the tabloids and New York Times alike, and whether she wants people to know what is published about her or not, she is forced to endure everything from her high school transcript to her underwear draw being pawed through and analyzed by the entire nation.

Now we here at The Zoo appreciate the attention that we get sometimes, and it is nice that we have been getting some attention on campus recently. But then there are the people who just take it to a point just beyond funny where I find it downright annoying. Suddenly all the information that we give out to the world just isn’t enough- our names must be revealed ASAP. Oh and just to clarify to one of these avid readers, I’ll call you J. Mayer, I am being perfectly happy and calm while I write this, so you can refrain from ever telling me to ‘Chill’ ever again. Just because I happen to have some personality does not mean that I am always angry or about to blow up at people. If you can’t take the heat stay out of the kitchen.

Along the lines of me being the “Angry” voice on the blog- yeah, it’s true, I’m cynical and harsh. But also, I say what I say because it is part of my assumed and amplified character online. I don’t always hate men. Seriously. They are a hell of a lot of fun sometimes, and I like them a lot. But if you guys think that because you read a web page about me means you are able to judge my character, you’ve got another surprise coming.

You may feel smart that you can identify us, or that you can somehow get under our skin by blowing our cover- but I don’t give a fuck. The reason why I have a pseudonym is not because I feel like if someone found out all my dirty secrets, my life would be destroyed. Hello, I’m posting on a public blog, and I write about my encounters with real people in my real life- if you can’t figure out who I am then you probably don’t know me. And I’m quite fine with that. But it is the men who think that they somehow have some great blackmail material that they can use against me and my fellow zoologists which I find irritating. The pen names that we go by aren’t only to protect our own names, but yours as well. So unless you want to start feeling like monkeys who are just slinging their own shit around at each other, I suggest you stop feeling all manly and awesome and play along with the anonymity. I mean I’m pretty sure I could start digging up dirt about you guys and make it public if I really wanted to, which I don’t because you’re lives are really of no interest to me, but hey, I’m just saying…

Besides, this blog is for fun, and we the writers want to remain kind of faceless, because these situations, while they seem really unique are actually pretty common, and we could be anyone you know. We just happen to blog about it and throw back the curtain on how life looks to college women.

None of us are just the women we are online. You could read every blog ever posted on The Zoo and when you meet us in person find that we are filled with surprises and contradictions. We might post things that look like they are really personal and scandalous, but I don’t think any of us reveal our hearts and souls through this blog. So pat yourself on the back if you’d like, keep acting like you’re the shit, just realize that you haven’t done anything to actually justify feeling that way. Congratulations guys!

Love you all bunches!!!

Maneater

My vote for the best horrible commercial of the year. A retarded family showing that even the mentally challenged may reproduce, and cook dinner without making a mess! Yes, the E*Trade baby is worse, but that commercial makes me want to commit infanticide, whereas this one just makes me stare slack-jawed at its mind numbing awfulness. And it’s pretty funny. Hey Cuisinart Vertical Rotisserie, let Dad school you.