Tags » Retro Food

Retro Christmas treat

Does anyone remember making haystacks with canned chow mein noodles! What was that, like 1960 when those were popular? Around the same time as Chex mix and Rice Krispie treats? 130 more words

The World And My Place In It

This is the ghetto version of fish n chips

This summer I’m skipping the water balloons and just making buckets of these babies to load into my three-man slingshot. The Jehovah’s Witnesses are going to learn to obey my No Trespassing sign one way or the other.

Vintage Food

Damn, that is cold.

Nice work, Weight Watchers Budget Best Bets. Do you even bother camouflaging your taunts before you kick the downtrodden? “FatĀ andĀ poor? We have the solution for YOU! 11 more words

Vintage Food

Please pass the Prozac

This puke-colored horror self-identifying as “Gooseberry Sparkle” but presenting as this grim mess reminds me of those desperate Facebook girls who post inspirational quotes about self-love and spirituality but date unemployed guys who cheat on them because underneath it all they know that they’re the last item left on the charity church buffet table except for the Play-Doh cookies made by the sixteen year old kid who still needs his mittens pinned to his coat sleeves.

Vintage Food

"What a damn shame. This meal was two days away from retirement."

The most gristle-y murder scene since Jonestown. The pins were impaled by the poison-tipped darts of the Peruvian tribe from Raiders of the Lost Ark, the hamburger log was decapitated, and the horrified bowling ball was taken down by Stephen King’s langoliers after Jergens soothing oatmeal balm failed to remedy their flaky skin conditions and peoples’ laughter at their “it’s just a cold sore” explanation drove them to the brink.

Vintage Food

Oh please. That is not a duck.

That is a French bulldog served with a side dish of its own doody and its ass is pointed at my face. Your definition of “appetizing” is straight-up twisted. 6 more words

Vintage Food

Just Give Up And Make Your Entire Thanksgiving Dinner Out Of Jello Molds

In years past, Thanksgiving dinner had to meet two benchmarks: it had to be delicious, and it had to be sufficiently Thanskgiving-y. If you served traditional foods and they weren’t entirely awful, you were doing okay. 598 more words

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