I Thought Black People Killed By Accident

Via Ta Nehisi Coates (here)

Now readers please don’t have a cow
when you see that this poem’s low brow
but try as I might
it is real hard to write
since I’m still in New Jersey right now.

Happy Tuesday folks!

Today is a particularly brisk day (whaddup, December? Thanks for making yourself so well known), and I intend on taking my run indoors because I’m feeling weather wimpy. If I hurry, I can get to the gym while David Duchovny’s still there, talk about motivation!

For yesterday’s eats, I had a breakfast that might as well have been prepared by The Three Stooges. I tried to poach an egg in my microwave-safe egg poacher, nuked it for too long, and then this happened:

Um, Oops.

Oy, what a waste of an embryo. Also, not even The Three Stooges could pull that clumsy cooking stunt because microwaves didn’t exist during their time. Wooop, woop, woop, woop!

The second attempt was much more successful, and I fashioned this healthy twist on the Egg McMuffin:

Poached Egg, Spinach Leaves, Earth Balance Buttered Whole Grain English Muffin, Apple Slices & Almond Butter

Would’ve been better with cheese, but much to the disappointment of Steve Urkel….I don’t GOT ANY CHEEEEESE. It was still tasty though!

I stepped into work, saw cute pictures of the kids from Thanksgiving and heard equally cute stories. After dropping Mina off at school, I walked 2 miles then took a bus crosstown to my abode.

I was unexplainably ravenous today, so I had a bag of these satisfying salty bad-boys mid-morning:

Salt and Pepper Pop Chips

Followed by this for lunch:

Tuna and Hummus (Garlic and Chive, Yum), on Whole Grain Toasted Bread, Baby Carrots, Bartlett Pear

Plus dessert because my sweet tooth was in high gear today:

Poor Sour Patch Kids, You Can't Play Outside Thanks to The Rain. Boo.

Afternoon snack:

Oatmeal Walnut (Not Nearly As Good as Fudge Sundae, But Still Satisfying)

Dinner was phenomenal, if not a slightly random assortment of foods:

Grilled Chicken Breast (w/Lemon Pepper Seasoning), Steamed Brussel Sprouts, Sweet and Spicy Sweet Potato Fries

These sweet and spicy sweet potato fries were knock-your-socks off good:

Here’s my recipe:

Chelsea’s Sweet and Spicy Sweet Potato Fries (Modified from Cooking Light’s original recipe):

Ingredients:

2 large sweet potatoes (Washed and cut lengthwise into one-inch strips)

2 Teaspoons Sugar

1/4 Teaspoon Cayenne Pepper

1/4 Teaspoon Black Pepper

1/2 Teaspoon Kosher Salt

1) Preheat oven to 500 degrees

2) In a large bowl, coat and toss potato slices/wedges with cooking spray

3)Combine all dry ingredients, sprinkle over potatoes, toss and coat well

4)Spread potato slices/wedges over baking sheet in single layer, bake for 10 min, flip wedges over, bake for another 10 min. or until tender

Dessert was a serving of this:

Edy's Slow Churned Peppermint Ice Cream

I enjoyed  the ice cream while watching the hilarious Gene Wilder/Richard Pryor movie, “Stir Crazy.” I think my favorite moment is Richard Pryor walking to jail, explaining his funny style of walking to Gene Wilder by declaring, “I’m getting BAD!”

Then I washed dishes, putzed around, talked to the lovely Miss Holly via gchat, and konked out.

What’s the most hilarious kitchen catastrophe you’ve ever caused/witnessed?

All hail to the great blogsurfing services of www.alphainventions.com and http://blogsurfer.us.  Actually, they are a great place to start, if you’re  looking for interesting blogs and information of all sorts.
While I’m throwing names out there, I would love to share a few more with ya…Kerri Donovan and www.smoothjazzexpressions.com  Been listening to the station through iTunes’ Jazz genre radio stations…and the blend of music is phenomenal. Where else would you hear Pat Metheny’s “Follow Me”  followed by an unplayed Pieces of a Dream tune like “And a Bag of Chips” and then Norman Brown’s “You Keep Liftin’ Me Higher”? I’ve been listening for several hours now and have not once thought it was time for a change, as will happen while online for a while.  If you go to the website, you can also be friends on FB, and follow on Twitter.  Just saying…

Big Beatle Bits for Dec 1
~1971 John & Yoko release “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” in US
~1964 Beatles drummer Ringo Starr booked into University College Hospital to have his tonsils removed.

Big Notes in Beginnings
~1878 1st White House telephone installed
~1922 1st skywriting over US-”Hello USA”-by Captain Turner, RAF
~1929 Game of BINGO invented by Edwin S Lowe (Actual origins of the game go back to Italy in the 1500’s, then an evolved version in France in the 1800’s. Lowe had seen a version of “Beano” at a traveling carnival near Atlanta in 1929, and built upon the idea)
~1959 The 1st color photograph of Earth received from outer space

Big Music
~1997 Jazz violinist Stephane Grappelli dies in a Paris clinic. He is 89. Grappelli is often cited among the virtuosi on his instrument in his genre.
~1997 Kenny G set a new world record when he held a note on his saxophone for 45 minutes and 47 seconds. (The record has since been broken by Geovanny Escalante, who held a note for 1 hour, 30 minutes and 45 seconds, using a technique that allows him to blow and breathe at the same time).
~1989 Sly Stone was sentenced to 55 days after pleading guilty to a charge of driving under the influence of cocaine, (two weeks later he also pleaded guilty to possession of cocaine and was sentenced to spend 9-14 months in rehab).
~1982 Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” LP is released. It is the best-selling album of all time, with worldwide sales of more than 40 million copies.
~1957 Buddy Holly and the Crickets appeared on ‘The Ed Sullivan Show’, performing ‘That’ll Be The Day’ and ‘Peggy Sue’. Sam Cooke was also a guest on the same show performing ‘You Send Me’.

Awww
~Love is when the awkward silences aren’t awkward.
~Hope: Enjoyment of the future in advance.

Ewww
~Laziness: Resting before you get tired.

Big in Birthdays
~1945 Bette Midler is born in Honolulu, Hawaii (Her parents were from Paterson, New Jersey and moved to Honolulu before Midler was born.) She is named after actress Bette Davis. She wins a best new artist Grammy in 1974. Her biggest hits are the million-sellers “Wind Beneath My Wings” and “From a Distance.” She is nominated for an Oscar in 1979 for “The Rose” and appears in such films as “Outrageous Fortune,” “Down and Out in Beverly Hills” and “Beaches.”
~1934 Singer Billy Paul is born in Philadelphia. His biggest hit is the million-selling No. 1 song “Me and Mrs. Jones.”
~1951, Born on this day, Jaco Pastorius, jazz bass player, (1976 hit with Weather Report, ‘Birdland’). Also worked with Joni Mitchell and Pat Metheny. Died on 21st September 1987 aged 35. He suffered irreversible brain damage after being beaten into a coma after an altercation with a bouncer at the Midnight Club in Fort Lauderdale.
~1935 Woody Allen [Allen Stuart Konigsberg] Brooklyn
~1935 Lou Rawls born in Chicago IL. “Love is a Hurtin’ Thing”, “Dead End Street”, “You’re Good Thing (is about to end)”, “A Natural Man”, “You’ll Never Find Another Love Like Mine”, “Lady Love”. Lou died on Jan 6, 2006 of lung and brain cancer that he was being treated for.
~1940 Richard Pryor born in Peoria, Illinois. Died of cardiac arrest on Dec 19, 2005.
~1946 Gilbert O’Sullivan Ireland, singer (Alone Again Naturally, Clair)
In Case You Give a Rat’s Rear End
~Question: What is the distance from Earth to the nearest star?
  Answer: 93 million miles

Smooth News
~Grammy Award-winning guitarist Pat Metheny has announced a new tour for an ambitious new project. Metheny’s next CD will be the Orchestrion project, where he works solo with what JazzTimes magazine said “might best be described as musical robots.” Orchestrion is a generic name for a machine that plays music and is designed to sound like an orchestra or band. The project represents a recently developed conceptual direction for Metheny that involves the merging of an idea from the late 19th- and early 20th-centuries with the technologies of today to create a project that will only have the guitarist on it and no one else.
His world tour in support of the recording, which will be released early next year, begins in Europe in February of 2010 and moves to the U.S. in early April. A full list of shows is listed at patmetheny.com, where Metheny also writes extensively about the project.
Metheny has recorded more than 30 albums, picking up 17 Grammy Awards along the way.  He records solo and with his renowned Pat Metheny Group. Along the way, Metheny has recorded such popular smooth jazz songs as “James,” “Last Train Home,” “Follow Me,” “Chris,” “Facing West” and “Here to Stay.”  (www.smoothjazznetwork.com)

Oh Word, Man
~Today’s Anagram – Aerosmith – I’m hot arse   (http://twitter.com/thisdayinmusic)

And Finally…Deeep Thoughts
~You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
~Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
~I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes – to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
~”Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this thing I have– ever.
~I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

Appreciate seeing you again.
And hopefully this will help today…
“Got To Be Real”-Cheryl Lynn
Bye for now.

A LOUD SCREAM FROM SKID ROW

Doug Stanhope is America’s greatest export. If you like Lenny Bruce, Sam Kinnison, Bill Hicks or Richard Pryor then make sure you track down some of Dougie’s shows online. He reckons he will offend every person in the audience during his shows. I have his DVD Deadbeat Hero – he is so funny I can’t even bring myself to watch it again. It’s just too good.

I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don’t you? It’s sad. I’ve lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It’s sad to see ‘em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy’s key ring, it’s like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse.

He’s a filthy, pissed up, irate drug taking misogynist and I absolutely love him. My sister went to see him live last year. Her friend Flangela Lashes (Manchester’s greatest drag queen) went along. The two of them are pretty ‘controversial’. They’ll appreciate me saying that as they laugh at everything you’re not supposed to laugh about. The two of them are a force to contend with. They reckoned that Doug had them crying all night. He went on stage and exploded. Apparently it was the darkest comedy routines they have ever seen and a work of absolute genius.

Doug is at his finest when talking about Americans. He seems to capture the shitness of every day life. He’s like Bukowski on crack. More extreme than Hicks though. The American right wing absolutely HATE him. He is way too edgy for national broadcast – if you want to track him down I suggest you try and go to see him live or invest in his latest MP3 From Across The Street.

Or check out his website here.   

On December 1:

1640  End of the Iberian Union: Portugal acclaimed João IV as King of Portugal, thus ending a 60 year period of personal union of the crowns of Portugal and Spain and the end of the rule of the House of Habsburg ( (also called the Philippine Dynasty).

1761 Marie Tussaud, French creator of wax sculptures (Madame Tussauds), was born.

1913 The Ford Motor Company introduced the first moving assembly line.

1913  Crete, was annexed by Greece.

1918 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes (later known as the Kingdom of Yugoslavia) was proclaimed

1932 Matt Monro, English singer, was born.

1933 Pilot E. F. ‘Teddy’ Harvie and his passenger, Miss Trevor Hunter, set a record for the longest flight within New Zealand in a single day. They flew approximately 1880 kms from North Cape to Invercargill in a time of 16 hrs 10 mins.

1935 Woody Allen, American film director, actor, and comedian, was born.

1939 Lee Trevino, American golfer, was born.

1940  Richard Pryor, American actor, comedian, was born.

1945 Bette Midler, American actress and singer, was born.

1946  Gilbert O’Sullivan, Irish singer, was born.

1955 In Montgomery, Alabama, seamstress Rosa Parks refused to give her bus seat to a white man and was arrested for violating the city’s racial segregation laws, an incident which led to the Montgomery Bus Boycott.

1969 The first draft lottery in the United States was held since World War II.

1973  Papua New Guinea gains self government from Australia.

1981  The AIDS virus iwa officially recognized.

1982 At the University of Utah, Barney Clark becomes the first person to receive a permanent artificial heart.

Sourced from NZ History ONline & Wikipedia.

The Cosby Show, by almost any measure, was the definitive 80s sitcom.  Based on the real life and stand up routine of Bill Cosby, the show revolved around the Huxtable family.  Patriarch Dr. Cliff Huxtable, his lawyer wife Clair, and their five kids.  A show that really doesn’t need much of an introduction, on to the tale of the tape…

Relevance:  While comics like Richard Pryor and Redd Foxx made their name by telling jokes aimed square at the racial differences between us, Cosby’s humor was built more around being a father, a husband, and the ups and downs of family.  I make this point again to say that while we all saw the superficial element, The Cosby Show rarely, if ever, addressed race in a direct way.  The culture was always there from beginning to end, but with the success of the show wasn’t necessarily because of, nor in spite of the family being black.  They just…were.

Legacy:  Where to begin?  Well, the direct ‘legacy’ of course was A Different World, which was impactful enough to earn its own place on this countdown.  On the business side, The Cosby Show turned Thursday nights into “Must See Television”  (not Friends or Seinfeld, The Cosby Show came first.)  Speaking of Jerry Seinfeld, him and many, many other stand up comedians owe him a debt of gratitude for establishing the ’stand up comedian turning his act into a sitcom’ genre.  There are literally too many to name at this point, but The Cosby Show proved how successful that could be.  Am I missing anything?  Oh yes, in terms of why it stands where it stands on this countdown, for the vast number of black (and white) kids who had never seen a black doctor OR a black lawyer in their lives, The Cosby Show planted the idea in their heads that yes, it’s possible to have a black family like this.  Can not be underestimated.

Craft:  Nobody was ‘looking’ for a show like this, to have the impact it had, when it came out.  Even in reruns and syndication, The Cosby Show holds up extremely well.  I personally will always have a soft spot for the scene where Cliff educates Theo about finances using Monopoly money, but you can look through every season and find all kinds of (clean) and funny segments.  If casting is 80 percent of the battle, then Phylicia Rashad, Lisa Bonet, Malcolm Jamal-Warner, Tempest Bledsoe, and Keisha Knight-Pulliam deserve all the credit in the world.

Crossover:  The undisputed number one show in the ratings for a good five or six years (until The Simpsons came along).  Winner of Emmys, Golden Globes, Image Awards.  Cliff Huxtable still wins polls as the best TV dad ever.  Not best black TV dad, best Dad.  Nuff said.

Apollo:  Come on now…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fq7q2zXHFRc

And on that note, I’m off to find me a woman and start my own Huxtable family.  The most important Black TV show of all time next month.

Good morning! Sorry for the lack of posting yesterday, but I didn’t get in until 1:30AM thanks to the ridiculous mechanical beast that is the L Train. New York folks, you KNOW what I’m talking about. Non New York folks, you’re lucky you don’t rely on the MTA to get you from point A to point B. Oy!

Anyway, yesterday I tried to eat a little lighter because of the gluttonous feast I devoured on Thanksgiving. Breakfast was a protein rich, fried egg (I used PAM rather than butter) on a slice Arnold Double Fiber toast, Siggi’s Non-Fat Orange and Ginger yogurt (topped with Ezekiel Golden flax cereal), and coffee:

I then enjoyed having a day off (boy was I in need of a mini-vacation) by reading this wonderful book and catching up with my Mama via the phone.

I knew a major cardio sesh was in store to redeem my body for its splurges yesterday, so I snacked on this for some pre-workout fuel:

Chocolate Balance Bar

Gotta say, these are pretty tasty. The texture isn’t exactly spectacular, but the flavor is tremendous (especially for a protein bar).

At the gym, I did the following:

-35 min. on the Stationary Bike (85-95RPM, with lotsa hill intervals)

-20 min. on the Stairmaster (Level 7)

-Stretch

Afterwards, I took my smelly self to the health food store across the street and loaded up on staples and necessaries:

My Grocery loot:

-Yogi Kava Stress Relief Tea

-Box of Navy, Black Beans (2)

-2 Cans of Black Beans

-Blue Diamond Almond Butter (Honey)

-Organic Naturally More PB (Same price as non-organic, score)

-1 Can Sweet Potato Puree, Pumpkin Pie Mix, Pumpkin

-Almond Breeze Milk

-Carob Chips

-Coconut Flakes

-White Chia Seeds

-Baby Carrots

-A LOT OF SNACK BARS

-2 Packs of Extra Firm Tofu

-2 Cans White Tuna

-Fuji Apples

-1/2 Dozen Eggs (Free Range/Organic)

-Assortment of Pop-Chips

I was starving on my walk home from said store, so I snacked on these delicious critters:

Then, once the groceries were unpacked, I fashioned one of these rejeuvenating monsters:

For yesterday’s Green Monster:

-2 Gigantic handfuls of baby spinach

-1 cup Almond Milk

-Drizzle of Agave Nectar

-1 Frozen banana

-1 heaping tablespoon of brown rice vanilla protein powder

It was yummy, and this was my first time trying almond milk. My verdict? DELICIOUS! I think I’ll be most definitely be using it for all my future Green Monsters.

Dinner was a light bowl of leftovers:

Maple Roasted Acorn Squash, Persimmon Chunks, Mustard Greens

I used some cut up persimmon to top the dish with and add a little sweetness. It was light and perfect for my not-so-ravenous appetite.

I then schlepped all the way to Greenpoint to see a comedy reunion show. Little fun fact about me, I’m a huge comedy nerd. I love it. I think stand-up comedy is a highly under-appreciated art form. Comedians (believe it or not) are some of the most emotionally vulnerable, dedicated, psychotic, and passionate performance artists out there in the creative field. I know because I’ve dated about 20 of them. Ha! Just kidding, I’ve only dated 2.

Anyhow, the show that got me involved with the NYC comedy scene was undoubtedly a lil’ show called “Kingdom of Heaven.” It was hosted by two lads in this rinky-dinky little Mexican restaurant/bar/venue in Long Island City years ago. Due to crazy circumstances, the show went on a year-long haitus. Last night, the old regulars (all 35 of them) performed five minute sets. Jodi and I used to go every single week, and I attribute that activity to cementing our bond as best buds. Last night was a tidal wave of nostalgia. I drank two beers (one bottle of Chimay, my favorite, and a Yeungling), while watching the funny people flail, sometimes literally, on stage.

After finally getting on a Manhattan-bound L train (ARRGGH!) and reaching my abode, I had some peppermint ice cream to cool off my train temper:

Then I passed out for 8 hours.

Are you a fan of comedy? If so, who are some of your all-time favorite comedians? Groucho Marx, Dick Cavett, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, and Steve Martin.

Do you have what it takes to stay and watch the credits when a movie ends?

There are two kinds of people in the world. 1) Those who leave the movie theatre when the credits start to roll and 2) those who stick around to actually read the credits. Obviously, I’m part of the latter group.

It all started for me circa 1985 when the 1982 comedy The Toy constantly aired during a free trial period of HBO. I loved that movie, without good reason. All I remember about it now is that at the end a kid shoots a guy in the forehead with a suction-cup dart gun. And that’s the end of the movie.

Then the credits roll. At the very end, the last thing to rise up on the screen was the symbol for The Motion Picture Association of America. At that point, I would scream with excitement, “Ball, ball, ball, ball!…”

I think the reason I was so ecstatic was because it reminded me of one of the enemies from an Atari game I played all the time. And that taught me to stay tuned to watch the credits at the end of movies. To see The Ball. At some point, my motivation stopped being to see The Ball and instead to find out actors’ names and the location of filming.

It’s always interesting to see when a movie is filmed somewhere other than Los Angeles or New York.

Plus, there’s always a possibility of a hidden scene after the credits- most perfectly executed in Napoleon Dynamite.

I first heard Eddie Izzard on a CD during a road trip with some friends last April. It was hilarious, but after the trip I never thought about him again.

I was waiting for a boy to call me. God, I hate waiting for boys to call me. I want a when, where, and ok I’ll be there see you then. Unfortunately, I find him devilishly attractive so I put up with it.

To lift my spirits, I decided to peruse Netflix and find something to watch. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Eddie Izzard popped into my head. I ended up watching four Izzard specials: Definite Article, Glorious, Dressed To Kill, and Circle. (If you’re doing the math you’ll figure out that watching all of those specials adds up to around ten hours of comedy. I wasn’t waiting around for this guy for ten hours. I watched the rest over the next few days, and over again throughout the next week.)

Now, I haven’t seen a ton of stand up comedy… Immediately Richard Pryor, Dane Cook, George Carlin, and Jeff Foxworthy come to mind from specials on TV. Premium Blend on Comedy Central never has me in stitches. I saw Dustin Diamond at a comedy club in Michigan when I was 15 (funny, but really raunchy. Screech fell right into the gutter)… so maybe there’s an even truer genius beyond Eddie Izzard, but for now all I know is that Izzard is a good thing that I will never have too much of.

Eddie Izzard is super intelligent, educated, informed. Unless he’s just watched a ton of historical documentaries, which he admits he has. A lot of his comedy involves episodes throughout history, from creation to the dinosaurs to the Renaissance to World War Two to the Clinton era. He references people and places from all over the world, and many times while performing he switches between the many languages he knows fluently (English, French, German, and some Latin). I don’t know French, German, or Latin, but it is never a problem because Izzard is also a master of physicality. He mimes, impersonates, makes sound effects, and sings. Izzard acts out entire scenes and it’s as if you’re watching a movie. He will stand on one side facing one way and act out, say, Darth Vader on a lunch line, covering his microphone with his hand to make the voice: “I’ll have the penne al la arrabiata”. Then he will step to the other side, face the other way, and act out the food handler: “You’ll need a tray”. And hilarity ensues. (See link under ‘YouTube is glorious’)

What’s wonderful about Eddie Izzard is that you never know what he’s going to bring up next, and it seems as if he can go on forever. His comedy is straight from the heart, brain, gut, and on the fly. He may stop in the middle of a bit to comment on a random thought that will lead down a hilarious dead end, and then jump back and continue the original bit. If a joke fails, he comments about it and laughs it off with the audience. Characters from earlier bits can pop up suddenly in later bits. Izzard has us in the Trojan horse with a group of eager Greeks, and suddenly, Prince Phillip of England is there. Izzard may also reuse favorite impressions. The story of Noah’s Arc stars Sean Connery as Noah. God is usually played by James Mason. God: “Noah, stop what you’re doing and build me an arc” Noah: “Yeah I’m working on a speedboat at the moment. I think it’s much more exciting, bigger engine in a speed boat, and it can shoot across the water like that…” Noah explains that a speedboat would be better suited for bible pictures… “We can get all the animals with long ears to sit along the side, It’ll look fuckin’ excellent”.

The end of Izzard’s shows are always abrupt. There’s not a sound in the world I agree with more than the “Awwwwwww” of disappointment from the audience at the end of Glorious (before the encore of course). You don’t want Izzard to stop, and he knows it, but he must. Can you imagine how much energy it takes to act out hundreds of characters and make hundreds of noises nonstop for nearly two hours—in high heels!? Izzard must stop at some point, so he simply ends his set and politely excuses himself from the stage. Usually there is some special effect grand finale with music and lighting to dramatize his entrance and exit. To open Definite Article, Izzard appears from the pages of an enormous book, sitting in an oversized chair positioned atop a gigantic pile of books (a profound metaphorical image). At the end of Circle, Izzard makes his bows, puts on an intense face, and stealthily disappears among the forest-like set pieces.

A well-designed set is deeply satisfying. One of my favorite sets was for a Lewis Black show on Comedy Central that was just a stack of big block letters that said, “THE END”. Most appropriate for Mr. Black. Stereotypically a comedian is in front of a brick wall with a stool and a mic on a stand. But once a comedian hits the big time and gets a television special, a set designer may be brought in to build a million dollar set complete with custom murals and lighting effects. Every angle must be aesthetically pleasing for the viewers at home- and that means texture, color, depth! Have you noticed that in the last few decades sets have become most important for television shows that otherwise do not need sets? Eddie Izzard would still be hilarious if he were in front of a white wall. The news would be just as noteworthy and biased if the anchors were sitting in front of a green chalkboard. But then, millions of brilliant set designers would be out of a job.

If you’re looking for a way to relax, soak in a sweet smelling bubble bath and smoke a personal joint while listening to Eddie Izzard. It’s a fantastic experience. Although I viewed Izzard on screen for the majority of my experiences, listening to him solo audio from a warm bubble bath is just as pleasant and hilarious- perhaps even more so. Although Izzard is thrilling to watch, give your imagination some playtime and just listen to him for a while. You’ll find that you can imagine the scenarios and get the joke just as well by picturing the scene in your good ol’ fashioned mind’s eye. There’s a reason comedy sets are available on iTunes.

Should I comment about the fact that Eddie Izzard is a transvestite? It doesn’t even matter. If anything, the makeup he wears enhances his facial physicality, especially in Dress to Kill because that director really loves extreme close ups. Vaudevillian actors and early silent film actors wore heavy makeup to enhance their facial expressions, and the trick still works. In Dress to Kill, Izzard’s light blue eye shadow and red red lipstick compliments his bright blue eyes and wide set mouth, especially when he smiles goofily after calling Hitler a “mass murdering fuckhead”. I’ve watched a few clips of more contemporary Izzard, and maybe it’s just because I’m used to his fantastic highlights and shiny black heeled boots, but he looks too normal now. He kind of looks like a tool. But maybe it’s just the goatee. I’m not a huge fan of facial hair. Sideburns I can cope with. I’d sleep with Eddie Izzard.

What do I conclude about Eddie Izzard? I felt so compelled to write about him, about his genius, about his hilarity… mostly because I want everyone to know about him too and gain happiness from his comedy. I wish this piece was a bit more profound. Honestly, I watched him again for the first time almost three weeks ago and I’ve been watching him nonstop ever since, trying to form some profound thesis… about the brilliance of mime, about comedy when it is a purely aural experience, about education being imperative to comedy… has it all been written about? I have faith that if I keep thinking, at some point the inspiration fairy will knock me over the head.

Mostly I wanted to write this to clear my writing palate before I went to see Men Who Stare at Goats tonight.

Look at the Izzard links. Let yourself fall in love.

OK, let’s see what I’ve got in the queue today. Hmmm… debt consolidation. A $4,000 line of credit. An invitation to meet Cherice tonight and flirt over the phone. Things are looking up for ‘ol Ed Honcho, baby!

Q: So that we may prey on your biases, who are your favorite teams? And don’t wimp out and give us some politically correct hooey. We want answers!

- Mick McMike, Point Roberts, Washington

A: You’ve stumbled upon one of my weaknesses, Mick. Actually, more than one. First, your use of the word “hooey”. I’ll never be able to refuse a question that incorporates it so expertly. For instance, take this sentence: Senator Jones regaled the gathering with standard political terminology causing most of the crowd to fall asleep. Now, listen to it like this: Senator Jones regaled the gathering with standard political hooey causing most of the crowd to fall asleep. The former? Typically boring, technically proficient styling. The latter? I don’t know… there’s something to it, right? It has a little kick, like it’s been sprinkled with crushed red pepper. Chalk it up to hooey… not as it’s defined, but as it’s used… as a word. I encourage all of you to go out and spread the word, literally, of hooey.

As for my favorite teams, I am going to spout some politically correct hooey… I’m a journalist now, damnet… admittedly, more pseudo than actual… nonetheless, I need to start exhibiting some professionalism and impartiality. So I won’t reveal my biases, though I will give some clues. Most of my favorite teams demonstrate comedic levels of ineptitude. And I’m not talking about that G-Rated Bill Cosby stuff, or the harmless shenanigans of Gallagher… no, I’m talking Raw-era Eddie Murphy stuff, or Chapelle’s Show level rollicking. Dare I say it, they’ve gone Richard Pryor on my ass. If I weren’t such a fan, it would be uproarious. That should at least give you a start.

Q: What kind of a name is Ed Honcho?

- Wendell Bundlebotham, Vickerstown, Cumbria, England

A: My family originally comes from the Latorca region of what is today Bereg county in eastern Hungary. My great great great grandfather, Fessler Hunszas, entered Ellis Island on January 3rd, 1892, where he was given the name Wesley Honcho. And so it was that the Honchos came to America. As for Ed, my mother was hooked on Mr. Ed reruns when I was born. Other than my good buddy Secretariat Jones, I’m the only one I know named after a horse. I do take sort of a twisted pride in it, yes.

Q: You’re like a film/music critic trashing somebody’s art without ever having tried it yourself. I bet you’ve never played a sport in your life.

- Wally Wednesday, Little Elm, Texas

A: Can we get the questions in the form of questions, please? I don’t ask for much… just everything you’ve got plus 53%… and still you torture me with your incompetence. Am I asking  too much? Should I scale it back? I mean, I thought you could give that much. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was wrong.

And I was about to defend myself against these heinously false allegations, when I thought to myself… why? I’m Ed Honcho. EMFH. Why should I stoop to mentioning my state championships and MVP awards? Why should I belittle my accomplishments… accomplishments such as my All-American award, and national championships… by using them to defend myself against someone that goes by Wally Wednesday? Why should I use my Espy, and my Heisman Trophy, and my Nobel Athletics Award, to prove myself to you? And you know what? I didn’t have a good answer for myself, so I’m not gonna do it. Next question.

Q: Try this on for size; Ben Johnson is to integrity as Ed Honcho is to ________.

- Archer Daubee, Discovery Bay, California

A: Annoying posters who don’t phrase their questions in the form of questions. That is to say, I treat it like a bitch. Now that’s some top-notch language twisting there!

Q: English Premier League, ten years hence… is there still a Big Four?

- Buford Buckley, Semmes, Alabama

A: Yes, but it might not be the same four teams. The issue here, is that the EPL has four Champions League spots. As long as that’s the case, it’s going to create a system that allows four teams to dominate. Does Manchester City enter that foursome? I don’t know. Aston Villa? Maybe. Everton? Could be, though it seems less likely by the day. Tottenham Hotspur? God I hope not. Nothing against Spurs, everything against ‘Arry. But once one of those teams breaks through (and it will happen, that I guarantee), the snowball effect kicks in. Signing new, better players becomes easier. Selling tickets, shirts, various scarves and other knick-knacks becomes easier. Making money becomes easier. Conversely (but related), the team that misses out on the Champions League begins to lose players, and those players have to be replaced with inferior players, as quality players want to play in the Champions League, etc… etc… It’s a slippery slope, and it helps to maintain England’s big four.

Q: Is your fantasy football team really 3-7 this year?

- Joseph J. Levine, Austin, Texas

A: Pffffft. What? Please. Where did you hear that? That’s ridiculous. An expert like myself, 3-7. The very idea is laughable… but… let’s just say I was 3-7… and I’m not, cause that would be ridiculous… but let’s just say, hypothetically, that I was. It would only be because I was getting completely screwed by injuries and matchups. Like, and again, this is hypothetical… like having the 4th highest points in the league but playing the wrong teams. Or losing by 2, 4, 3, 7, 2 and 8 points. Or stupid Greg Jennings playing more like Jonathan Jennings. Or Jason Witten doing his best Kyle-Brady-but-worse impersonation. Or Beanie Wells fumbling. Or Eddie Royal sucking. Or Ryan Grant becoming decidedly average for a 3rd round pick!…. All hypothetically, of course. But wow, you’ve got me steamed just thinking about what that would be like. The idea is so preposterous that… you know what, this mailbag’s over, yo.

it is possible I’d seen stand-up before watching Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip, but if so, Richard made me forget about it.  RPLotSS was one of the first shows that incorporated performance into stand-up

Richard covered a lot of ground in 80 minutes. from a meditation on love, loss and the difference between men and women:

Richard Pryor on love and loving

the profound influences of a trip he made to Africa.  the African jungle makes everything badass. even bunnies

Richard Pryor on the African jungle and inhabitants

some thoughts on African vs. African-Americans self-image and cultural constructs

Richard Pryor on African peoples

about his near-death from an explosion while freebasing cocaine. merciless

Richard Pryor “thank God I didn’t…

NOTE:  I feel silly even mentioning this, but just in case.  This is RICHARD FUCKING PRYOR peoples.  offensive language is a given. do not listen at work or at grandma’s house.

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Wow. As you may have already heard, this week, the venerable cultural and educational institution that is Sesame Street is celebrating its 40th anniversary. Wow. Just properly gobsmacked. I wish I had more eloquence to adequately grasp the moment and give praise to the occasion but a quieter and shared appreciation- that of knowing in some way almost everyone’s life had been touched by such a brilliant programme- would be more appropriate. Certainly, we all have our memories of sitting in our couches, coming home from school and getting a dose of Big Bird and Bert and Ernie. Of near and far. Of 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12 doo doo doo doo roo doo. Of Count von Count. Not only was it an exercise in literacy and learning, but more importantly, it was perhaps, the first attempt in our lives to discuss more grown up stuff, stuff that our parents and teachers were waiting for some other time to discuss, whether it may be racism or sexism or HIV. As such, whatever your favourite muppet or moment may have been, Sesame Street truly deserves praise for making us better individuals, and better persons who strive to learn and understand.

Here are a few links…

From the wrong (yet morbidly funny)…

to the classic…

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/39849

to the great (and late Richard Pryor explaining the alphabet)…

Sesame Street remains relevant and significant.

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2009/11/09/2009-11-09_conservatives_grouchy_over_sesame_streets_fox_news_jibe.html

(take that “news” channel!)

So Happy Birthday Sesame Street and Thank You! May you have many more shows (and if ever I break my vow of celibacy- by that not marrying, and not not having sex- may my kids watch and learn from you too) !

(Articles and videos copyrighted by their respective owners).

This post was brought to you by the letter R, V, and the numbers 6, 9 and 16.

Would...you be...my neighbor? (Oops, wrong show...)

If you think it’s not easy being green, imagine how hard it is to be yellow! Carol Spinney has been playing the part of Big Bird since Sesame Street debuted on television forty years ago today. You may not realize that Spinney started playing the character while in his mid-30s, so the guy lifting that five-pound head with his arm is still doing it in his 70s (and no doubt he could whip you at arm-wrestling as well). Just one of the thousands of tidbits that will no doubt flood the Internet today as we celebrate and appreciate the program.

Sesame Street probably did as much to promote Public Television as those channels did to promote the show, a landmark exercise in combining educational television with entertainment. I was just old enough to be above their target demographic, although later on I’d come to appreciate the many adult moments the show offered (see below). I don’t know anyone today who grew up in the era who doesn’t have fond memories of watching the program.

A couple of generations ago most kids had two parents, and one of them was usually home. Mom or Dad could read to them and teach them the alphabet and how numbers worked so when they went off to school it wasn’t as intimidating. But over time the divorce rate started skyrocketing and many households suddenly needed two earners, and time with children became a precious commodity. When Sesame Street came along, for once sitting a kid in front of a television as a babysitting exercise wasn’t a bad thing.

But watching the show with your kids had greater benefits. Eventually, along with basic math and reading skills came life lessons, presented in a way that children could understand and discuss with their parents.

What imagination went into these characters and the program. Although never the most popular, my favorite was always The Count. That probably explains why I love Greg The Bunny as much as I do. (“Don’t turn this into Abbott and Costello, kid!“)

I also grew to like the human characters who interacted with the Muppets, like Gordon and Susan and Bob, and the list of celebrities who guested is staggering. As a result, just like with Rocky and Bullwinkle and the Road Runner cartoons, Sesame Street has a lot to offer adults, too. Like…

• Little Richard singing “Rubber Duckie“
• The late, great Madeline Kahn
• Richard Pryor reading the alphabet.
• Johnny freakin’ Cash.
• Stevie Wonder rocking the Street
• Ricky Gervais interviews Elmo
• How cool is Neil Patrick Harris?
• The Pee Wee Herman alphabet

Today’s column was brought to you by the letters D, R and B.

As long as you’re watching all those scary movies as Halloween draws near, enjoy Richard Pryor’s take on “The Exorcist.”

“Exorcist,” Richard Pryor, from “That Nigger’s Crazy,” 1974.

It was recorded live at Don Cornelius’ Soul Train nightclub in San Francisco in early 1974. The LP is out of print, but seven of its 11 cuts are on “The Anthology: 1968-1992,” a double CD released in 2002.

This cut is barely 2 minutes long, yet Pryor creates a completely new film, turning “The Exorcist” onto its spinning head.

He’d done the same to Westerns when he helped write “Blazing Saddles” in 1973. Wonder what that film would have been like had Pryor been cast as the sheriff, as director Mel Brooks intended, instead of Cleavon Little. That said, I can’t see anyone but Little as the sheriff.

I’ve seen “Blazing Saddles” dozens of times.

I’ve never seen “The Exorcist.” I think I’d enjoy Pryor’s version more.

You may know Tyler Perry from many of the films he’s produced, directed, and starred in over the years. It seemed like every year I would see a new Tyler Perry movie coming out of the box office. I can’t say that I have seen any of them, though he is a clear success story being one of the highest paid men in Hollywood.

Tyler Perry - Survivor

What I did see on 60 Minutes recently was the startling admission that, like myself, he is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. The reason why this is shocking isn’t that he IS a survivor of abuse. The statistics show indeed how common abuse is in our culture, with 1 in 4 women being victims of abuse before the age of 16 and 1 in 6 men.

What is of note is that Tyler Perry is a high profile black man admitting that he was abused as a child. It’s the coming out that has always been hardest for us men. One of the basic virtures of early manhood is being able to successfully defend yourself from harm. For male victims it is this perceived failure that is sometimes the hardest thing to come to terms with.

Tyler is coming to terms with this specter that has hovered over his life for so long. He spoke of a friends mother who molested him as a child. She locked him in their house and only provided the key to leave if he ‘had sex’ with her. Tyler later shared additional details about living with a physically abusive father. After his admission, his father passed along the message to Tyler that “…If I had beat your ass one more time you probably would have been Barack Obama.”

You may be horrified by that comment. Yet, its so telling of how parents so often confuse discipline with outright abuse. Or maybe it’s just his fathers way of rationalizing the abuse and suffering he inflicted on his defenseless children.

These admissions from public figures are inspiring and courageous but to people who want to make real change in our society we can’t leave it at that. We have to explore the questions raised by the personal accounts from survivors of abuse.

I was always a big fan of the comedian Richard Pryor growing up. He would often compare men with women, and how black culture differed from white culture. He once mentioned quite fondly about the time his father gave him an especially violent physical beating because he came home after his curfew. The audience laughed. Pryor’s genius was in being able to make his misery funny. I have all of Pryors tapes. I think he’s the most gifted comedian, yet I never laughed at those jokes.  Pryor joked on how it taught him character and professed his admiration to his father for making him hard.

It made me wonder. How can any physical beating ever be a point of pride in any culture, any society? What extremes and rationalizations are parents willing to employ to make sure they have well behaved children?  What should our response be when this is too often the message we are sending in our society?

I may have not known about Tyler Perry’s admission if I had not known about his work with a new movie coming out called Precious. It’s about the struggle of a 16-year-old survivor of abuse. You don’t see too many films about abuse streaming out of the Hollywood lot. This is one of them. Go see it on November 6th.

And remember, there is courage in breaking the silence, but change only comes when we decide to respond to the brave stories of those like Tyler Perry.  How do you plan on responding?

 Esse é certamente um dos filmes mais engraçados que já assisti. Cegos, Surdos e Loucos, conta a história de dois estranhos, Richard Pryor (cego) e Gene Wilder (surdo) que acidentalmente testemunham um assassinato. O problema? Acham que foram eles que cometeram tal ato.

A partir disso, já podem imaginar a tamanha confusão. O longa é uma obra-prima dos anos 80. Pra quem costumava assistir o “Cinema em Casa”, deve ter visto esta pérola.

Falando sobre o longa, não há como não parabenizar todas as camadas que participaram do filme. Da direção até o roteiro, tudo se encaixou perfeitamente. Não é um uma produção que se encaixe nos critérios esquisitos do Oscar, mas certamente, se encaixa em algo chamado “sentimento”, entretenimento, risadas e uma bonita mensagem de algo que precisamo constantemente nos lembrar: AMIZADE.

Percebam que tenho falado muito disso ao escrever nessa coluna, não é? Simplesmente, porque a amizade é fundamental para todos.

O longa tratou disso de uma maneira cômica, mas mostrar isso com deficiente físicos, foi simplesmente sensacional. Mostra que todos, apesar de limitações, não importam como sejam, somos capazes de realizar grandes feitos. Tudo na vida, depende apenas de como queremos encarar o que está diante de nós.

Portanto, arrisquemos mais. Sejamos mais ainda.

Não há limitações para o coração daquele que quer o melhor e o mais alegre nas suas escolhas. Cegos, Surdos e Loucos não foi apenas um filme, foi uma lição de vida. É claro, sem sensacionalismo ao extremo.

Para quem quiser, uma boa alma deixou o filme todo legendado no youtube.

Guilherme Jr.

Richard Pryor as the Rev. James L. White. I know it’s Pryor, but don’t worry, it’s clean